Roy Moore

Pervy Politics


cjones11152017

I’m old enough to remember when Republicans wrote bathroom laws to protect our children from sexual predators.

Now, the same people who go into full-blown snowflake meltdown when there’s not a Christmas design on their Starbucks coffee cup are perfectly fine with sticking a pedophile in the Senate. It’s OK because he’s accepted Jesus. There is still some coffee outrage over this Roy Moore scandal. Keurig stopped advertising on Sean Hannity’s fake news show because he kinda endorsed Republican pedophilia. Republicans have responded by destroying their Keurig coffee machine.

People are destroying coffee machines that cost anywhere from $100 to $300. Why don’t you just protest by mailing an envelope full of cash to Keurig? That makes about as much sense. By the way, did you know the coffee pods those machines use are not biodegradable and environmentalists hate them? Yeah, you conservatives can’t win for nothing. Being stupid hurts.

A fifth woman revealed yesterday that Alabama Republican Senate candidate Roy Moore sexually assaulted her. The mainstream Republican Party and even Ted Cruz are now all calling for Moore to drop out of the race. Alabama Republicans, on the other hand, are standing by their man.

Republican logic has been all over the place with this issue.

Evangelicals have spent the past four decades calling themselves the “moral majority,” yet, over 80% of them voted for the orange pussy grabber for president. Republicans impeached Bill Clinton over consensual sex and had to go through three Speakers of the House to do it, as the first two of those turds had sex scandals. And, we found out years later the third one was a pedophile.

Part of the GOP defense of Moore is to talk about other sex scandals, from Clinton to Harvey Weinstein, to Louis C.K. Hell, some are even griping about Joe Biden’s shoulder massages.

Five women have accused Moore of dating teenage girls and of sexual assault. The accusers are backed up by over 30 sources. Others have come out to say it was well-known at the time that Mr. Moore dated teenage girls while he was in his early thirties. The guy would hang out at the mall and high school football games. Eventually, he got banned from the mall for being a Creepy McCreeperson and a stranger danger. Moore has defended himself with the lame excuses that he didn’t “generally” date teenage girls, and that he never dated one without their mother’s permission. He says he doesn’t remember the new accuser or the restaurant where he attacked her, yet she provided her high school yearbook he signed where he also included the name of the restaurant. But, Moore’s supporters don’t believe any of that.

What they do believe, without any evidence, is that The Washington Post paid these women to come forward and it’s all financed by Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. They wonder why these women, who are being publicly shamed by Breitbart and in their communities, being chased into hiding, and who Moore is threatening to sue, didn’t make their revelations sooner.

For what it’s worth, adults don’t sign high school yearbooks unless they’re teachers. I know I haven’t signed one since I left high school. Hell, I didn’t sign that many when I was in school. I wasn’t really popular.

During the recent campaign for Virginia’s governor, the Republican candidate Ed Gillespie ran a lot of race-baiting commercials. Along with those, he ran one accusing Democrat Ralph Northam of being in favor of restoring rights to pedophiles. One person was busted for child pornography right after his rights were restored, and Gillespie’s campaign used that to paint Northam, a pediatrician, as a friend to pedophiles as if he was driving the van with free candy. Voters saw through the lie and made Northam our next governor.

Meanwhile, in Alabama, Republicans are telling people to vote for the pedophile. And, there’s a chance the pedophile might win.

I’m really glad I live in Virginia and not Alabama.

Creative Notes: I took longer than I wanted to with this cartoon. I started around 3:00 AM. I didn’t like the lettering so I redid it. Then I didn’t like the elephants, so I drew them over. Then, I still didn’t like the lettering so I did that again. And then, I realized I still hated the elephants, so I drew them again. And then, I hated some of the colors, so I redid that…and then, the sun came out and eventually 10:00 AM rolled around.

I make it sound like I have high standards but it’s probably more like an obsessive-compulsive disorder…and a lot of coffee.

Speaking of coffee, there’s a Keurig in my house and I had never tried it. All the talk yesterday got my curiosity up, so housemate’s girlfriend showed me how to use it. It was delicious. I didn’t try one as a lame way of sticking it to conservatives. I really wanted to try one. By the way, did you know that Keurig is the most hated thing in Washington state? I think it has to do with being environmental and snooty about their coffee, and not because the people of Washington love pedophiles.

A note about signed prints: I’m going to run this note for a week or so. Several people have sent me $40 over the past few months without requesting a print. Please, when you make a payment/contribution, tell me which print you want. I’ve written each of those people but some haven’t replied. If I owe you a print then please tell me so. I’m not trying to stiff you people. Thanks!

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

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Creeping With Roy


cjones11122017

There’s a saying in Southern politics I’m sure you’ve heard before. It goes something like, “the only thing worse than getting caught with a dead girl is a live boy.” Though kinda tasteless, it’s funny because it’s true.

Alabama just may show us how true it is because, between the choice of Not A Republican and Pedophile, Republican voters have to think it over.

Senator John McCain is the only elected Republican I have heard so far stand up for what is right. He said Roy Moore should step down as a candidate for the Alabama Senate seat after accusations were revealed by The Washington Post that he sexually assaulted a 14-year-old minor, and dated other under-age girls, ages ranging from 16-18 while he was in his early 30s.

Other Republicans have said he should step down IF the accusations prove to be true. Donald Trump, who is on tape boasting about sexually assaulting women and who didn’t need anything more than an accusation to determine Harvey Weinstein is guilty of sexual assault, joined his colleagues in the “IF” department. A statement from the White House said, “we cannot allow a mere allegation, in this case one from many years ago, to destroy a person’s life.”

The four women, who don’t know each other, have gone on the record with their claims backed by 30 sources. Yet, Moore is refusing to step down and blamed the Democratic Party, The Post, Hillary Clinton, and Barack Obama.

Moore is an insane person (being gay should be illegal, Muslims can’t serve in Congress, birther, etc.) that mainstream Republicans don’t even like, which means Ted Cruz loves him. But, they’d still rather be associated in the Senate with a pedophile than a Democrat.

As allegations of impropriety, assault, and even rape emerge, the outrage people express often depends upon their politics. Many will demand justice for one perpetrator while remaining silent about another. It’s a disgusting place we’ve come to when we allow our partisanship not just to make us liars, but also terrible human beings.

Breitbart, an inviting outlet for horrible and revolting people, is defending Moore. He has other defenders within the Republican Party. John Skipper, a former chair of the Mobile County Republican Party, declared the allegations “total contrived media garbage.” Jim Zeigler, the state auditor said, “single man, early 30s, never been married, dating teenage girls,” as if it wasn’t a big deal. Zeigler also said, “take Joseph and Mary. Mary was a teenager and Joseph was an adult carpenter. They became parents of Jesus.” Not only will some Republicans stick up for pedophiles, they’ll use their religion to defend them.

Steve Bannon, former campaign manager and senior adviser to Trump and head of Breitbart is a staunch supporter of Moore’s. Steven Law, the head of a McConnell-aligned “super PAC” excoriated Breitbart for “defending ‘consensual’ sex between a 32-year-old and a 16-year-old.”

A former aide to Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, Josh Holmes said, “This is what happens when you let reckless, incompetent idiots like Steve Bannon go out and recruit candidates who have absolutely no business running for the U.S. Senate.”

It shouldn’t be difficult to disagree with Mr. Holmes, no matter which political side you’re on. Pedophilia may be the most horrible thing a person can inflict upon another. Child abuse should never be tolerated. But, this is what many Republicans have reduced themselves to, defending pedophiles. What’s next? A statue of Dennis Hastert?

The actions of Republicans and evangelicals are never as strong as their words. While demanding wholesome candidates with family values, they strongly support the likes of Donald Trump, who brags about assaulting women and barging in on teenage girls while they’re changing into swimwear. Alabama, a state where Trump is actually still popular, went big for the guy in 2016.

Last Tuesday, the women’s march turned out candidates who sent several Republican incumbent males packing in Virginia. Even gerrymandering couldn’t save those guys. I know Alabama isn’t as enlightened or as progressive as Virginia, but hopefully, women in that state won’t send a guy to the United States Senate that they wouldn’t want around their teenage daughters. Personally, I wouldn’t let the guy dog sit.

Alabama votes in 30 days for their new Senator. I hope they’ll do the right thing and elect Doug Jones, a man whose involvement with underage girls is prosecuting the Ku Klux Klan for killing four of them.

On one hand, you have a man who put away murdering racists. On the other hand, you have a guy who groped and dated underage teenage girls.

Don’t tell me you have to think about it.

Creative note: I drew this same escalator scene last year on October 26. I didn’t look at it until I was done drawing this one. I thought I was changing the angle a bit, but nope. They’re pretty much the same.

I had another idea on this subject but I felt this was funnier. Then, I received a visitor at 4:00 AM who told me I picked the right cartoon.

I had a girl visit me in my bedroom at 4:00 AM bringing batteries. Sounds dirty, right? Yeah, go me. Actually, she was coming over to see her boyfriend who is not me, and she brought me batteries for my new wireless mouse…which is awesome. It’s my first wireless mouse. I’m turning into an old guy who can be slow with techie stuff. Hell, I’m so old I remember when defending the United States from Russians was a part of the Republican platform.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Some Alabama Strange


cjones09282017

The day before the runoff vote in the Alabama Republican primary for the U.S. Senate, Vice-President Mike Pence was campaigning for Luther Strange. Pence said, “I stand for Luther.” Being that Pence refuses to be alone in a room with a woman who is not his wife, I cracked on social media that Pence would never say, “I stand for Strange.” Get it? Strange, as in getting some strange? At least two people understood it on Facebook. Never mind.

The GOP establishment wanted them some strange, and some strange is what they got. Now, the only thing standing between a gun-totin’, religious zealot, right-wing fanatic from becoming a United States Senator is his Democratic opponent. Unfortunately for liberals, a Democrat winning a statewide race in Alabama has about as much of a chance as a Democrat winning a statewide race in Alabama. It’s not happening. I dare Alabama to prove me wrong.

Roy Moore is the anti-establishment Republican. Did I mention he’s a zealot? If, and when he’s elected, he will be the most radical and scary senator in the Senate. Yes, I’m aware Ted Cruz is still a senator. He’s that freaking bad. Every senator, even the Republicans, can’t stand Ted Cruz. Yet, this guy makes Ted Cruz look like Fozzie Bear.

Roy Moore was the Chief Justice on the Alabama Supreme Court. He decided that he needed to erect a display of the Ten Commandments in the court. He refused to take them down after a court order told him to remove it. He got kicked off the court. So, since Supreme Court justices in Alabama are elected, he ran for the office again…and won. And, got kicked off again. The second time he was booted from office was because he directed probate judges to continue to enforce the state’s ban on same-sex marriage after the U.S. Supreme Court struck down that ban.

Roy Moore hates gays so much that he once issued an opinion that the state should punish homosexual behavior. He also opined that a parent’s sexual orientation (in this circumstance, homosexuality) should be a factor in refusing custody. He hates gays so much, I expect him to be busted in a men’s room stall in Dupont Circle.

Moore believes in the supremacy of God’s law over man’s. When he was a circuit court judge, he would open sessions with a prayer beseeching Divine Guidance for jurors in their deliberations. In at least one instance, Moore asked a clergyman to lead the court’s jury pool in prayer. Hey, guess how you can get out of jury duty in Alabama.

In case you’re still thinking, “gee…that still doesn’t sound too bad.” Well then, hold my coffee. Did I mention that Dudley-Do-Fuck is a birther, and he still believes Obama was not born in the United States? He also believes that a Muslim should not be allowed to serve in the United States Congress, taking issue with Minnesota representative Keith Ellison. He claims Sharia Law is being implemented in Illinois (Yankee state). He has suggested the Sept. 11, 2001 attacks happened because America has turned away from God. On top of all that, he’s spoken to white-supremacists groups, where I’m sure some of the attendees were “very fine people.”

Just in case there were some voters in Alabama not finding him scary enough, he brought a revolver on stage with him at his Monday night rally and waved it around. If Luther Strange was smart, he would have brought a bigger gun on stage and had mocked Moore’s tiny pistol. But, these are Republicans. They’re not smart.

Republicans were so scared of Moore, that Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, who can’t do anything right lately, had his super PAC raise millions of dollars for Strange. He even got Donald Trump to campaign for Strange, even though Moore is just the kind of fuck nuts that should appeal to Trump. Obviously, he appealed to Trump’s voters in Alabama where Cheeto Potentate still has ridiculously high approval ratings.

Strange had serious baggage. He was the Attorney General for Alabama, and he was supposed to be investigating the governor who was doing all sorts of illegal shenanigans to cover up the fact he was boinking a staffer who was not his wife (I still have nightmares over those sexual tape recordings. Old, crotchety, craggly-ass Alabama Republicans are not sexy). The governor took care of that investigation by appointing Strange to the Senate after Jeff Sessions was confirmed as the Trump’s Attorney General (though he was eventually tossed out of office).

Trump didn’t have much enthusiasm with his endorsement. At a rally last Friday in Huntsville, Trump spent most of the time talking about himself (shocking), and the NFL anthem protesters. While Strange was standing on the same stage, Trump stated, “I’ll be honest, I might have made a mistake.” He even expressed concern with how the media would play it for him if Strange lost.

Moore held rallies with Sarah Palin, the Duck Dynasty weirdos, and Trump’s former chief strategist, Steve Bannon. Bannon suggested to Fox News that Trump was duped into supporting Strange. Thanks for admitting what we already know, that Trump is a sucker. We’ve seen his retweets.

At Moore’s rally on Monday, Bannon argued for the anti-establishment platform. He said, “Mitch McConnell and this permanent political class is the most corrupt and incompetent group of individuals in this country. They think you’re a pack of morons. They think you’re nothing but rubes.” Well, yeah. They’re kinda counting on it, but so is Bannon. This guy and a bunch of Russians helped convince 62 million rubes to vote for Trump.

These guys do not like Mitch McConnell. Moore attacked the Majority Leader at the same rally and said in the past that he’ll vote against McConnell remaining Majority Leader. I predict some awkward moments after Moore arrives in Washington.

For Republicans, Moore’s victory is bad news. They were looking forward to spending all their money on defeating Democrats in 2018 and increasing their Senate majority. But now, Moore’s victory will give other anti-establishment troglodytes inspiration to run against GOP incumbents, which will make Republicans spend their money before they even face the Democrats. Senators Jeff Flake of Arizona, Dean Heller of Nevada, and Roger Wicker of Mississippi may have trouble in their primaries. Senator Bob Corker of Tennessee announced yesterday that he’s had enough. He’s not having fun with Trump as the leader of his party, plus he may have been in a huge, nasty primary fight with a Tea-Party knuckle dragger.

For a Republican Senate that doesn’t know how to legislate and has no accomplishments since Trump took office, Roy Moore promises to make things go from shitty to super shitty. As for Trump, he won’t admit he supported the wrong guy. He’ll probably blame McConnell and perhaps forget he ever endorsed Luther Strange. Kinda like how he forgot he ran a birther campaign for five years. Trump has already deleted his tweets that were supporting Strange. Fortunately, Mr. Moore can refresh his memory that they’re both conspiracy nut jobs.

One last note; Please don’t inform Roy Moore that carrying a firearm is illegal in the District. Of course, if he’s arrested for packing, he’ll just claim carrying a gun is God’s law.

Creative note: I got this idea, and then I got another I liked better for a minute. It involved Moore holding two tablets with his ten commandments. So, I wrote all ten of the commandments, and halfway through I decided the idea was just meh. But, because I have OCD I had to finish writing all the commandments. I couldn’t leave it uncompleted.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Occupying Alabama


cjones01092016

Gay marriage is legal through all of the United States of America. The U.S. Supreme Court, one out of three branches of government, says so. The reason I’m stating is this because apparently not everyone has received the information.

Take the chief justice of the Alabama Supreme Court. This Bama bunghole directed all local judges in his state to stop issuing marriage licenses to same-sex couples.

Roy Moore is a religious wack job and has used his position on the bench to heap his religious views upon the citizens of Alabama. Last February he expressed concern about federal courts stepping on Alabama and wrote “have always recognized the biblical admonition stated by our Lord.” He’s also argued the state should keep children away from gay parents. He supports public prayer but only if it’s Christian.

As chief justice he installed a Ten Commandments monument at the court house and was then thrown off the court for refusing to remove it. He was later elected back to the bench.

We can expect Moore to be found in contempt and maybe even removed once again. That should be fun.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!