Reopen Schools

Unconstitutional Slop


cjones08142020

“We don’t want to continue to watch people signing executive orders because that was not what the Constitution and the brilliant designers of this incredible document had in mind. We need people that can make deals.”

That’s a direct quote from Donald Trump in March 2016. In fact, all Republicans were critical of President Barack Obama’s use of executive orders. They accused him of being an imperial president.

Fun fact: Donald Trump was also critical of President Obama’s handling of the Swine Flu, Ebola Virus, and how often he played golf. Donald Trump said President Obama should resign over his handling of Ebola, which killed zero Americans who contracted it while in the U.S. It’s estimated the Swine Flu killed over 12,000 Americans. In case you’re a Republican, the Trump Virus has killed over 163,000 Americans and Donald Trump still hasn’t resigned.

But being hypocrites is nothing new for Donald Trump or the Republican Party.

Unable to reach a deal with Democrats to help Americans get through the pandemic after their $600 a week unemployment benefits have run out and to save them from evictions, Donald Trump signed an executive order…but wait.

Didn’t Donald Trump tell us he’s a great negotiator? Didn’t he say nobody can negotiate better than him? Didn’t he say negotiating with Congress and other nations was easy? Didn’t he say something about being such a great negotiator that we’ll get tired of winning? So, why was he unable to reach a deal with Democrats? Why did he give up? But wait again.

Donald Trump, this great negotiator, never negotiated. Sure, he sent underlings to negotiate with Nancy Pelosi, but didn’t we elect him for his negotiating skills? We didn’t elect him to delegate that responsibility to Pete Navarro, Larry Kudlow, Mark Meadows, Steve Baby Fishmouth Mnuchin, Stephen Goosesteppin’ Miller, or even dumbass Jared. We (as in other people, I didn’t elect him), elected Trump for his great negotiating skills? So, why wasn’t he negotiating before deciding to be an “imperial” president?

The thing is, he’s not a great negotiator and he’s scared of Nancy Pelosi. Remember when Donald Trump shut down the government over wall funding? Pelosi gave him some funding for his racist and useless wall, but he wanted more. After a month of the government being shut down, Donald Trump negotiated himself into getting nothing. Donald Trump, this great negotiator, negotiated himself from getting something into getting nothing. Pelosi ate his lunch and she was going to do it again. Donald Trump is signing executive orders because he’s afraid of Nancy. He should be.

One of Donald Trump’s executive orders says unemployed Americans will now receive $400 a week. You can also look at this as a reduction because it is. In case you’re a Republican, 4 is less than 6. Also, $100 of that is supposed to come from states. In case you’re a Republican, the president can’t tell states how to spend their budgets. Also, presidents don’t control spending. Congress allocates spending. It’s in the Constitution.

I love that Republicans call themselves Constitutionalists except when it actually comes to the Constitution.

Also, Donald Trump has cut the payroll tax except, he didn’t. It’s like when he banned flights from China when he didn’t.

In case you’re a Republican, I’m going to explain how this works. 7% of your paycheck goes to Social Security and Medicare. Your employer matches it. In case you’re a Republican, 7 plus 7 equals 14. What Trump did with this was not a cut but a deferral. What does that mean, Republicans? That means you don’t have to pay that tax now but you will later. In fact, you’ll probably have to pay all the weeks missed at once. When that hits you, remember Donald Trump did it.

The idea here is, stupid Americans will notice a larger paycheck between now and November, say, “Golly gee willikins, Mr. Trump gave me more money. I’m going to vote for him because I’m a dumbass.” And then after November, wham! The bill hits. Then, those stupid Trump voters will say, “Damn you, Nancy!” Or, if Joe Biden is president, those fuckers will blame him. Seriously, that’s going to happen. Watch.

Fortunately, some employers will continue to withhold that money so when the bill does come in, you won’t be hit or even have to worry about it.

But I am looking forward to Donald Trump running on the message that he’s going to destroy Social Security and Medicare. He’s already running a campaign promising to strip Americans of healthcare coverage.

Not all Republicans were hypocrites about Trump’s executive orders. Ben Sasse of Nebraska called it “executive slop.” In case you’re a Republican, Ben Sasse is a Republican.

Donald Trump thinks this is the kind of stuff that makes him a great president. Why, he even called the Governor of South Dakota to inquire how to get his head on Mount Rushmore, not realizing the monument is a federal thing and governors can’t do anything with them. Frankly, I’m surprised he called the right state, and right now, Ron DeSantis isn’t trying to figure out how to put Trump on Rushmore.

There should be a monument for Donald Trump. A monument for really bad presidents. We’re talking about the worst here and not just the semi lazy. A monument for presidents who didn’t know what to do, were clueless, shouldn’t have been in the office, and even those who refused to do the job they were installed by a Russian dictator to do (actually, he’s doing those jobs).

I can see Trump’s head next to Filmore, Harding, Hoover, Buchanan, Nixon, and George W. Bush. To make it more realistic, we can make Trump’s head bigger than the rest.

We can call it Mount Suckmore.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

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An Argument For School Beatings


cjones08082020

Yesterday, I read a post by a conservative Trump-supporting fucknut who claimed his child’s pediatrician is all for schools reopening and for children to attend classes in person. There’s always that one dentist who endorses the cavity-creating gum.

First off, he’s probably lying because this person does that a LOT, plus, he’s a Trump supporter which also means he could be lying or not comprehending what the pediatrician actually said. But the big takeaway I have from this is, get another pediatrician. Or maybe your kid should find new parents.

It’s bad enough your pediatrician is playing politics with your child’s life, but you? You’re willing to throw your kid off a cliff and believe there’s a net to catch him because Donald Trump, who has told over 20,000 lies as president, says there’s a net?

Everybody wants schools to reopen. Just like nobody is arguing the country should be closed permanently, I haven’t heard anyone make the case for never reopening schools. I remember when my kid was little. I remember pulling my hair out. I remember wanting to run away and never to be seen or heard from again. I remember those days of wanting to kill your kid while still loving him. I remember hours upon hours of, “why?”. I get it. Get those kids out of the house and back in school. But I know now is not the time.

Southern states made an argument to reopen in the midst of the Trump Virus. They were wrong and more people died. Donald Trump made an argument to restart his hate rallies. He was wrong and people died. Ask Herman Cain. Oh wait. You can’t. So, the same people who were wrong about reopening their states and hate rallies still want to try it with schools? They still want to play politics with your kids’ lives?

Yesterday, Donald Trump said kids are “virtually immune” to the Trump Virus. That’s not wrong. It’s a flat-out lie. He knows it’s a lie and he keeps saying it. Remember his other lies about the virus? It’s going to disappear? It’ll be gone by Easter? Everyone who wants a test can get a test? Hey, take some malaria medication? Hey, drink bleach?

Here’s a crazy idea that’s as wild as not voting for the candidate endorsed by Russia: Don’t listen to Donald Trump especially when it comes to the life of your child. Don’t support the candidate willing to sacrifice your child for his own personal gain.

Here’s a test about whether or not you’re in a cult: If you’re still supporting the guy willing to kill your kid for his narcissism, you’re in a cult. Here’s another one: If you’re defending Dr. Demon Sperm, you’re in a cult (I’m looking at you, every Republican political cartoonist).

But then again, Donald Trump did make a very strong argument for the importance of education. Kids need school. If they don’t go, they may never become fully literate. If that happens, someday they may be forced to read aloud as an adult and they won’t be able to pronounce “Yosemite.”

To sum up, until we can get our kids back in school, Dr. Clay recommends hours on top of hours of old Bugs Bunny cartoons. Look how I turned out?

Disclaimer: I’m not a real doctor, but I have drawn cartoons of them.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

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Corona Cages


cjones07132020

You know that famous quotation written by Martin Niemöller, a German who initially welcomed Adolph Hitler and the Third Reich…then turned against it when he realized what was coming. His quotation goes:

“First they came for the socialists and I did not speak out because I was not a socialist.

“Then they came for the trade unionists, and I did not speak out— because I was not a trade unionist.

“Then they came for the Jews, and I did not speak out—because I was not a Jew.

“Then they came for me—and there was no one left to speak for me.”

Well, guess what. Now, they’re coming for you. Or at the very least, they’re coming for your kids.

If you did not speak out when the Trump administration started separating families as a policy of cruelty to deter illegal immigration, except to say, “yay,” shame on you. You assumed that a cruel and heartless administration would only stick to their racist agenda and it wouldn’t affect you negatively because you look like them?

Yes, Donald Trump is a racist who is supported by fellow racists and others for whom racism is not a dealbreaker. But in addition to being racist and heartless, they’re selfish and greedy. This is when they come for you. And they’re coming for you and you don’t even know.

Donald Trump will force your children to go back to public schools before we’re ready for schools to open. If you honestly believe you can make elementary school children practice social distancing, then you have never met a child in your entire life. You probably don’t even remember when you were a child. Let me remind you in case you forgot; you were sneezy, snotty, and sticky. You were gross. The only way you can force kids to practice social distancing would be to place them all in cages. Let’s not give the Trump administration any ideas. Betsy DeVos doesn’t care for your children any more than Stephen Miller cares about brown ones.

Donald Trump doesn’t want schools to reopen because we’re ready or it’s best for the community you’re in. And you’re a special kind of stupid if you believe he actually cares for your children. The only reason Donald Trump wants the schools to reopen is so people can feel like things are going back to normal. It’s another way to practice denial about the extent of the coronavirus pandemic. It’s a distraction to help reelect Donald Trump.

Benito Mussolino wasn’t just a fascist dictator. He was a total failure as a leader. He couldn’t employ his people, he couldn’t create jobs, he couldn’t stimulate his economy, and he couldn’t build a great military. His constituency would say, “At least he has the trains running on time.” Il Douchey can’t even do that. Donald Trump’s trains are public schools and Confederate statues.

The worst part of this might be the “new normal” makes the type of cruelty of sacrificing your children for Trump’s personal interest acceptable. Like violence on television, we’ve become desensitized to Donald Trump’s stupidity and cruelty. For example, did you know they’re still separating families? Did you think it quietly disappeared like the coronavirus was supposed to do last April? It didn’t.

There are still families being separated. There are still children alone, in cages, wondering where their parents are. There are still cases over this in courts. We just moved on from one outrage to another. Our focus shifts from whatever brand new cruel insanity Donald Trump is breaking out today.

If you didn’t speak out when Donald Trump forced children into cages, will you speak out when he forces your children into a covid cesspool? If you’re not speaking out even now, just imagine what you’ll have to speak out against if this works and Donald is reelected.

The same cruel assholes who forced migrant children into cages, who tore them apart from their parents, who forced children to go to court alone are the same cruel assholes willing to sacrifice your child for Donald Trump’s selfishness.

You’re late to the game, but you better start speaking out now. The question is: Will there be anyone left to speak for you?

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Trump Nerd


cjones07112020

Is it plausible Donald Trump cheated on his SATs? I think it’s implausible he knows how to spell “SAT.”

CNN obtained a copy of Mary Trump’s book, “Too Much and Never Enough: How My Family Created the World’s Most Dangerous Man.” And so far, the biggest revelation from Trump’s niece that doesn’t surprise anyone is Donald Trump, the world’s stupidest man, paid a nerd to take his SAT for him.

Donald Trump has boasted about being at the top of his class. While he’s never released his school transcripts (despite barking for President Barack Obama to do so), professors and classmates have spoken out that Donald was nowhere near the top of his class. It would amaze most if he was able to work the doorknob to get into class. And heaven forbid if there were stairs.

According to the book, Donald Trump paid someone to take his SAT test to get into the University of Pennsylvania’s Wharton Business School. She didn’t just make the claim, she named the guy who “supposedly” took the test for Dumb Donald. Later, he still needed assistance from his brother and father to twist elbows for him to get into Wharton.

We didn’t know about the SAT accusation but we already knew Donald Trump is stupid. And none of the other details that have leaked out so far don’t tell us anything new about Donald Trump. He commented on his niece’s breasts. We already knew he was a pig. He hid his younger brother’s toys and threatened to destroy them. We already knew he was an asshole. Instead of going to the hospital on the night his older brother died, he went to the movies. We already knew Donald Trump was a selfish uncaring asshole. He hired Mary to write a book about him and only delivered transcripts of a recording of him insulting women who refused to date him. We already knew he was an immature, insecure, misogynistic manchild and most women find him repulsive. Mary, who has a doctoral degree in clinical psychology, believes Donald Trump meets all nine criteria for narcissism. Again, we already knew that. Donald Trump is a sick racist puppy.

If you’re looking for real juicy dirt like there is a pee tape, he had a guy killed, details of an Epstein party with underage models, he lost his penis in a smelting accident, or he wears a diaper, or his real father’s an Oompa Loompa, you’re going to have to look elsewhere. Sorry.

Of course, Kaleigh McEnany, the White House Spokesgoon and others cried out that the SAT story is a big fat lie. Of course, the only way they know it’s a lie is because that’s what Donald Trump, the teller of over 19,000 lies since coming into office, has told them. The people who work for Donald Trump, and those who support him, pretend he’s not stupid, racist, or a horrible human being.

Donald Trump is horrible; he’s willing to risk your children’s lives for his selfish needs. Don’t make the mistake of believing Donald Trump cares about you, your children, or anyone who isn’t Donald Trump. He continues to visit hotspots for the coronavirus where members of his campaign, the Secret Service, his supporter Herman Cain, and even his idiot son’s girlfriend contract the virus…yet he continues to go to campaign in hotspots to satiate his frail ego.

Yesterday, he said he’s going to pressure governors and mayors to reopen schools this fall. He did this while lying that the United States has the lowest mortality rate from the coronavirus in the world. He claimed Democrats are playing politics in wanting the schools to remain closed. He believes it’s all designed to hurt him.

Again, for Donald Trump, everything is about Donald Trump. He thinks the schools are being kept closed to hurt him. He’s playing politics with your kids’ lives.

Just like nobody wants to keep the economy closed forever, nobody wants to keep children home. We all want them in schools. The question is, “when?” You have to be insane if you think it helps anyone politically to force parents to be home day after day with their sticky-handed screaming snot factories. That wouldn’t endear you to anybody.

The thing that scares me most is that Trump supporters will risk their children’s lives for their messiah. I’m astounded people will sacrifice their principles, ethics, and honesty for this racist reality TV host who’s so stupid, he thinks we can nuke hurricanes. Yet, now they’ll risk their children’s lives for this narcissistic asshole. It’s not like he has to entertain Barron on a constant basis. Just like SAT test, he has someone to do that for him.

Before you send little Johnnie and little Debbie back to school to help your false prophet claim everything’s back to normal so he can be reelected, keep in mind the lies he’s already told about the virus.

It was supposed to disappear last April. We’re now in July. In case you’re a Republican, April is before July. Now, Donald Trump is boasting about a low mortality rate which is horrible because that means a lot of people are about to die. Make sure it’s not your child.

It’s no surprise Donald Trump had someone take the SAT for him. Use your own eyes. He’s claimed credit for our economy, stock market, and job creation when all of that was accomplished by a black guy. A black guy who was much more accomplished and smarter than Donald Trump. What we need now is someone to president for Donald Trump because Donald Trump isn’t doing it.

Every single test that’s been thrown at Donald Trump since he became this nation’s president (sic), he’s failed. He never built the economy so we can’t have faith he’s capable of rebuilding it. He’s failed with the coronavirus. He’s failed in race relations.  And right now, he’s failing our country.

Dumb Donald never should have been accepted into Wharton and he never should have been allowed in the White House. Donald Trump has been a test for America and if you’re supporting or voting for him, you failed.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.