Sunday Sycophants


I’m not a religious person. But that doesn’t mean I don’t believe in religious freedom. Religious freedom means you’re free not to have any religion. Religious freedom means you’re free to be an atheist. Religious freedom is just as important to those without faith and religion as it is to those who worship a god. It also means you have the freedom to designate Donald Trump as your god.

If you actually buy into Donald Trump’s bullshit about opening churches, then Donald Trump is your god. It also means you’re stupid. If you’re ever walking along the street and run into someone playing the shell game (that’s where a guy has three shells, moves them around, and you guess which one has a pea in it), don’t play. You will suck at the shell game. For example: Donald Trump donates his salary while raking in emoluments and charging the government each time he visits one of his golf resorts. That is a shell game. You suck.

Donald Trump is a conman. He’s not even a good conman. Only stupid people fall for Donald Trump’s con. He runs multiple cons simultaneously (in case you’re a Republican, that means at the same time). But his most recent con is his demand for all the governors to allow churches to reopen. If they defy his order (in case you’re a Republican, that “defy” means they don’t do what he says), he claims he’ll override the governors and force them to open churches.

How exactly is Donald Trump going to override governors and force churches to reopen? By sending in the National Guard? Oops, no he won’t. He just called for their deployment to end one day before they’re eligible for benefits (in case you’re a Republican, “eligible” means having the right to get something). Anyway, I’d love to see the Army storming into churches and apprehending grandmas. That would make a great Madea movie. This is also another example that Donald Trump doesn’t really support the military.

Here’s the thing though: Donald Trump does NOT have the authority to force governors to reopen churches. But he won’t have to anyway. No governor is going to send state police into churches to arrest parishioners. There will be no posses sent out to wrangle choirs.

This is also another example of Donald Trump not caring about people. He doesn’t care if you go to church any more than he cares if you die from the coronavirus, or if you die from taking medication prescribed by a quack wearing a yellow ferret on his head. I mean, it’s not like he’s going to be in church on Sunday defying social distancing guidelines. No. He’s going to be in the White House on Sunday morning watching Fox News, tweeting stupid crap while eating Quarter Pounders with cheese.

This is kinda like Trump Wine. He says he doesn’t drink wine but can vouch his wine is the best wine. How would he know if it’s the best wine if he doesn’t drink wine? How would he know churches are essential when he’s never been to one? He claims he’s been to church but I don’t know if anything really sunk in when the only impression he got was from the “little crackers.”

A lot of people say Donald Trump is playing to his base because he’s down in the polls. He is playing to his base but not for their votes. He already has those. If you’re a white religious zealot, he didn’t win your vote yesterday. He had your vote when he called Mexicans “rapists and murderers.” What is Donald Trump doing? He’s being divisive. He’s making religion partisan, just like he did with science.

Do you know why Donald Trump keeps pimping Hydroxychloroquine? It’s not because he’s making money on it. It’s not because he’s saving face. It’s not because he actually believes in it. He’s advocating it because it defies science. He’s promoting it because he made it a wedge issue. He likes to divide and fight and his base is dumb enough to buy into it because they’re all horrible and vile people. Donald Trump says to take it so his supporters swear by it…even though most of them have never taken it or read a scientific paper on it. In fact, his own administration urges you NOT to take it while he’s saying “take it” and asking “what have you got to lose?”. You have everything to lose. And if you ignore social distancing guidelines and go to a crowded church, you have everything to lose.

Here’s another thing, kiddos: You and your religion are not being persecuted because you’re denied the right to infect other people. If one person with Covid-19 is in your church, with loud singing, loud chanting, loud hallelujahs, and everyone’s in close proximity, then your church is a cesspool. Multiple people have caught the coronavirus in church.

Nobody is telling you not to have faith. No governor has outlawed praying. If your religion requires you to pray with specific company and in a specific building, then you don’t have any faith at all. You physically being in a church isn’t essential at all. That doesn’t mean your faith isn’t essential, but you being there…nuh-uh.

What is religious persecution is denying a mosque the right to exist in a certain location which Donald Trump did to a mosque in New York City in 2010. Religious persecution is calling for surveillance on all mosques which Donald Trump did as a presidential candidate. Religious persecution is calling for a ban on all Muslims entering the nation which Donald Trump did as a presidential candidate. Religious persecution is enacting that ban which Donald Trump did as president (sic).

Also, Donald Trump is demanding all churches reopen while the coronavirus is still rampaging through the south and midwest. Donald Trump is encouraging you to put yourself, your family, and your neighbors in danger. Donald Trump does not care if you die.

If you really buy into the idea that Donald Trump, Mr. Two Corinthians…Mr. Porn-Star shagging really cares about your religion, then I have a piece of toast with Jesus’ image in it I’ll sell to you for a great price.

As I said, I’m not religious but growing up in Southern Baptist churches, in addition to a few Catholic churches, and even attending a private Baptist school for a year, I’m quite familiar with religions. And I know using religion as a political prop is sinful.

Another sin is worshipping a false deity. And Donald Trump is as false as it gets.

And in case you’re a Republican, see you in Hell.

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New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

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Pope Slap


While greeting the faithful around the Nativity at the Vatican on New Year’s Eve, one overly-enthusiastic worshipper grabbed Pope Francis and wouldn’t let go. To break free, the Pope slapped the woman’s hand twice and stormed away afterward visibly upset. Anyone who’s ever attended Catholic school recognized the short slaps delivered with quick precision. They also recognized the expression on the Pope’s face. It’s one Catholic students never wanted to see in a nun.

He was trying to greet children and the woman grabbed him with both hands while he was walking away, yanked him back, and made the 83-year-old Pope lose his balance. He was caught by surprise so maybe his reaction is understandable. But Francis is the Pope so naturally, he later apologized.

In his traditional Wednesday remarks, the Pope said, “Many times we lose our patience. I do, too, and I’m sorry for yesterday’s bad example.” The people who really rejoiced, while pretending to be upset, at the Pope’s initial reaction were conservatives, who aren’t big fans of his (while ignoring that Donald Trump grabs “pussy”).

Republicans believe they own religion or at least the right religions. Evangelical support for Donald Trump is off the charts which boggles the mind of anyone who clearly sees the hypocrisy and double standard. But, most of that support is white support.

A Pew Research Center survey from 2017 looks inside the numbers and finds that most religious support for Republicans is white.

While only 18% of white evangelicals identify as Democrats, 77% are Republican. It narrows with white Protestants as 53% identify as GOP with 41% going Democratic. Black Protestants support Democrats with 87%.

Support is basically tied when you factor in all American Catholics with the GOP at 46% and Dems at 47%. But, it gets wider when you factor in race. White Catholics support Republicans at 54% and Democrats with 40%. Hispanic Catholics vote Democratic at 64% and Republican at 27%.

Despite Republican pandering, Trump claiming he’s the “chosen one,” that he’s done more for Israel than any president before him, and recognizing Jerusalem as the capital, Jewish voters strongly favor Democrats over the GOP 67% to 31%. And Mormon voters…do you really have to ask? It’s in the 70% range.

If you’re not religious at all, then you’re probably going to vote Democratic (because people who aren’t religious tend to be more educated and deal with issues on a factual basis). Godless heathens, like myself, support Democrats at 68%.

Republicans continue to claim they’re the party for people who worship. The truth is, they’re the party for white worshippers. That’s as confusing as people who support the military and consider themselves patriotic supporting Donald Trump, or people who claim they want family values, or a cohesive and consistent foreign policy, or people who think.

But as we’ve seen from white evangelicals, they’re hypocrites who sell out their principles to get what they want. As I wrote recently, they’ll support Trump to force us to obey the principles and ethics they pretend to have.

What you need to do if you’re a religious person who supports Donald Trump and the Republican Party is to be like the Pope. Slap that tiny orange hand away. Don’t let the tiny orange fingers pull you in deeper into a hole you’ll never be able to crawl out of.

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New Book: Tales From The Trumpster Fire

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The LDS Church’s Exclusive History


This week’s cartoon for The Independent in St. George, Utah.

The church is currently threatening to excommunicate members who are gay. I was wondering how well they’ll look in history for this decision. Considering they didn’t allow black members into the priesthood until 1978, and something they resisted heavily before then, it seems to me they don’t learn from history. It’s like they’re saying “yeah, we were wrong that one time and though this is the exact same thing it’s not the exact same thing.” Good luck with that.

Here’s the rough. You’ll notice I made a few changes upon editors’ advice.