Putins Puppet

Bert, Ernie, And Squirmy


cjones09252018

It’s a question I’ve had for decades about Sesame Street’s Bert and Ernie, but have never received a satisfying answer. Why does Bert have one eyebrow and Ernie doesn’t have any?

The mystery and debate of their sexual orientation have been around for at least a couple of decades. I have cartooned on it, but never really pondered it. To me, they’re asexual. Why? Because they’re puppets for a children’s educational program. But, I do enjoy watching conservatives wig out over it.

The issue came back into the mainstream this week when a former writer, Mark Saltzman, for Sesame Street said he wrote Bert and Ernie as a “loving couple,” taking inspiration from his own relationship with his longtime partner. He also said, “I always felt that without a huge agenda, when I was writing Bert and Ernie, they were gay. I didn’t have any other way to contextualize them.”

Yikes! or yay!? Some people were celebrating. Others, not so much. This prompted Sesame Workshop, the nonprofit behind Sesame Street, to quickly knock down the idea stating, “Bert and Ernie are best friends and, being that they are puppets, have no sexual orientation.” I’ll tell you this though; I’ve never taken a bath in front of my best friend. But then again, I’m not a puppet.

The only puppet I can think of with any sort of sex drive is Miss Piggy. She really wants to nail that frog. “Miss Piggy” is also the term Donald Trump has used as a defense against those who have accused him of sexual harassment and advances. He has claimed some of his accusers weren’t attractive enough for him to hit on, which may only be true if they don’t look anything like his daughter. I suppose this makes Trump the second puppet with a sex drive.

With Kavanaugh hearings, accusations that he attempted to rape a girl when he was a teenager and hurricanes in the news this past week, we can’t forget that Donald Trump is Vladimir Putin’s puppet. The New York Times published an excellent article rounding up everything we know so far, which is a lot. It all comes down to Trump being controlled by Putin.

Hillary Clinton warned us during the campaign that Trump was Putin’s puppet. He’s done nothing to prove her wrong and everything to prove her correct. This week, on The Rachel Maddow Show, she predicted that Trump will go on a firing spree after the midterm elections. Trump loves firing people if he can do it when they’re not around. He even said he should have fired James Comey before he won the election, back when he had as much authority to fire the FBI director as I do.

I don’t care if Bert and Ernie are straight or gay. They’ve never sexually assaulted anyone, and they’re not traitors. They’re also much more intelligent than Trump, and they’re inanimate objects.

As for Trump, he is Putin’s puppet, and we all saw his hand up Trump’s ass during the Helsinki Summit.

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Sticky Fingers


cjones07162018

Yesterday, the Justice Department announced that Special Counsel Robert Mueller has indicted 12 Russians for meddling in the 2016 presidential election in an effort to support the candidacy of Donald Trump. The indictments bring the Russia investigation closer to Trump, and unfortunately for him, the only ones standing in the way to obstruct the investigation are the conspiracy-driven lunatics at Fox News and the Republican imbeciles in Congress.

The House Judiciary Committee dragged FBI agent Peter Strzok before them for a theatrical hearing to make the case that the FBI is part of the “deep state” gunning to take down Trump. Their argument is based on text messages he sent to his lover that were critical of Trump, while he was a part of two separate investigations of both presidential candidates.

Strzok argued that having a political opinion does not make someone biased. Biased is when you allow your opinion to get in the way of your work, which Strzok did not do. The evidence to that is, the FBI never leaked that they were investigating a possible Trump/Russia connection during the campaign, yet agents leaked information and there were multiple press conferences about the Clinton investigation.

There is a difference between being biased and informed. It is difficult to find a highly skilled, experienced, and intelligent professional who doesn’t have a negative opinion about Donald Trump. Don’t most investigators have a negative opinion of their subjects as they gain more information?

Democratic Congressman Ted Lieu said at one point during the showcase, “This is a stupid and ridiculous hearing.” Now, after yesterday’s indictments, we know why at least one Republican is desperate to stop Mueller’s investigation.

The indictments informed us that one Congressional candidate asked Gucifer 2.0, the Russian hackers, for stolen documents from Democrats, and received it. The report didn’t state if this candidate is presently in Congress or even what party they are a member of, but it’s kinda far-fetched to believe it’s not a Republican. If Mueller knows about this exchange, then he also knows who the suspect is.

Now, we get to play the game of guessing which Kool-Aid drinking, cultish, treasonous, Putin’s puppet of a Republican goon is going to prison. My candidates are Devin Nunes, Jim Jordan (who has other issues to answer for), Trey Gowdy, Steve King, Darrell Issa, Matt Gaetz, Louie Gohmert, and Bob Goodlatte. There are other contenders but this is my candy store. It’s really hard to pick just one sycophant.

If they all can’t go to prison, perhaps the voters can keep each of them from returning to Congress.

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Thank you for your support. Reader contributions really do help and are appreciated in a time of dwindling revenue for political cartoonists. You will also be supporting free speech and the First Amendment, and independent journalism while those in power are doing all they can to suppress it. You can also support by purchasing a signed print for $40.00. Just look at the right of this page and click the PayPal button, or you can email and make other arrangements. Thank you!

G7 Pardon


cjones06132018

Before he stepped on Obama’s airplane to head to the G7 summit in Canada, Trump took questions from a few reporters and said that Russian President Vladimir Putin really wanted Hillary Clinton to win the election, and he, Trump, was his worst nightmare.

I don’t know about you but my nightmares consist of stuff, like spiders, finding myself naked in high school, falling off a cliff, Nickelback dressed as clowns, a hotdog with ketchup, you know….real terrifying stuff. Nightmares are not dreams of getting everything you want.

For Putin, that’s an American president who undermines democratic institutions like a free press while destabilizing NATO and our alliances in addition to spilling classified information to Russian spies in the Oval Office. Now, Trump is at the G7 campaigning for Russia to be invited back, which kicked Putin out for annexing Crimea.

What in the world could Hillary Clinton have given Putin to make him happier? Neck massages? Scratch that, because Trump may have already done that.

Trump was very eager to fight with leaders of our allies, like Canada’s Justin Trudeau and France’s Emmanuel Macron…on Twitter and through the press. Now that he’s actually face to face, he arrived late, and he’s leaving early. That’s because Donald Trump is a coward.

What does it say about our nation’s president who’s afraid of our allies but eager to get on a plane and arrive early for a date with the dictator of North Korea?

If Trump has prepared very little for meeting Kim Jong Un (who we hope is as dumb as Trump), the only thoughts he put into his trip to the G7 was how to get out of it. Reportedly, he asked aides if his presence was absolutely necessary and asked if he could cancel at the last minute.

Trump is now showing the entire world he belongs to Putin. At this rate, he may have to register as a foreign lobbyist. If Putin really wanted Clinton to win the presidency, he would have sent spies to her campaign HQ to dish dirt and had Wikileaks hack Trump. The only problem would have been Clinton’s refusal to collude with Russia because some people don’t want to commit treason.

You have to ask yourself what exactly does Putin have on Trump? That pee tape must be really nasty.

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Thank you for your support. Reader contributions really do help and are appreciated in a time of dwindling revenue for political cartoonists. You will also be supporting free speech and the First Amendment, and independent journalism while those in power are doing all they can to suppress it. You can also support by purchasing a signed print for $40.00. Just look at the right of this page and click the PayPal button, or you can email and make other arrangements. Thank you!

Sullying The Office


cjones04062018

Donald Trump is stupid. An excellent example of this is his belief that submitting to an interview with Robert Mueller will clear his name and end the Russia Investigation. Stupid. Perhaps the only people dumber and more gullible than Trump are those who voted for him.

While it’s fun to make light of Trump’s stupidity when he tells us what uranium is, or that healthcare is hard, or about the history of China and Korea, or that nobody knows the difference between community colleges and vocational schools, it is actually dangerous to our nation. It’s especially dangerous when Trump deals with Putin.

Combine Trump’s stupidity with his man-crush for Vladimir Putin, and the next thing you know the Russian dictator will be sitting in the Oval Office with his feet on the Resolute Desk.

Trump claims he’s been tougher on Russia than Obama.

Trump refused to accept our intelligence agencies’ analysis that Russia tampered in our election. He took Putin’s word over the FBI and CIA’s. He’s worked to discredit our Justice Department while they look into his collusion with Russia.

Trump refused to enact sanctions against Russia, and when he finally did it was only because he was forced by our allies when they placed their own sanctions and expelled Russian diplomats after the poisoning in England of a former Russia spy.

Trump talked to Putin after the sanctions were placed, and he failed to mention those or the poisoning, but he did congratulate Putin on winning his sham election.

Shortly after assuming office, Trump had the Russian ambassador and foreign minister in the Oval Office, at the request of Putin. No American press was allowed, but the Russians were able to bring in their photographers and recording equipment. They even told Trump the photos wouldn’t be published. Stupid and gullible. Now, Putin is playing that for his own invite.

Usually, when we discover a new twist in the Trump/Putin relationship, we learn it from Russia. Once again, Russia has reported that Trump invited Putin to the Oval Office during the congratulatory phone call.

You can’t say you’re tough on Russia, place sanctions on them, then invite their leader over for a playdate.

What better photo-op for Putin than from inside the Oval Office? This will be a huge sign to his people, and the world, that he won the American presidency.

Is Trump dumb enough to let Putin sit at the Resolute Desk for a photo? Yes.

Here’s the video.

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Putin Has Gas


cjones03212018

No one respects women more than Donald Trump.

Donald Trump is the least racist person he knows.

Donald Trump is a stable genius.

Donald Trump has been much tougher on Vladimir Putin and Russia in one year than Barack Obama was in eight.

Each of those statements (and many others) is laughable and contrary to facts, but none may be more so than saying Trump has been tough on Russia.

It’s a claim Trump and Sarah Huckabee Sanders have both made.

During the presidential campaign, Trump said Putin was a leader while Obama was not. When informed that Putin had journalists killed and arrested, Trump replied, “you think our country’s so innocent?”

Trump spent over a year downplaying Russian meddling in our election. He allowed Russians into the Oval Office at Putin’s request where he disclosed classified intelligence to them that we gained from an ally. Russia has continued to spread “fake news” through social media in further attempts to meddle in our upcoming midterm elections.

After Congress passed veto-proof sanctions against Russia, Trump signed them but failed to enact. That is until pressure from our allies after a nerve agent was used against a former Russian spy and his daughter in the United Kingdom. Many are blaming Russia for the attack.

Sergei Skripal and his daughter were found on a park bench in Salisbury, England. They remain in critical condition and several of the rescue personnel attending them were also contaminated. Prime Minister Theresa May says the UK government has identified the poison as a Russian-made Novichok agent. May told Parliament, “Either this was a direct action by the Russian state against our country, or the Russian government lost control of its potentially catastrophically damaging nerve agent and allowed it to get into the hands of others.” The UK expelled 23 Russian diplomats after that nation refused to meet a deadline to explain the use of the substance.

The United States has joined Britain and other European allies in condemning Russia. The Trump administration has finally enacted some of the sanctions Congress authorized, but not all of them. Max Bergmann, a former Obama administration official who heads the investigative Moscow Project at the Center for American Progress called the sanctions “a mirage to make it look like they have implemented sanctions.”

Sarah Huckabee Sanders refused to say whether Russia was a friend or a foe, but she was able to say Andrew McCabe was a “bad actor” a couple days before he was fired from the FBI.

While Trump has slightly criticized Russia, he hasn’t said one negative word regarding Russian President Vladimir Putin, who just won another six-year presidential term.

Retired four-star Army general Barry McCaffrey tweeted, “Reluctantly I have concluded that President Trump is a serious threat to US national security. He is refusing to protect vital US interests from active Russian attacks. It is apparent that he is for some unknown reason under the sway of Mr Putin.”

Trump publicly asked for Russia to help him win the presidency. His campaign invited Russian spies into Trump Tower. Members of the Trump team were meeting Russians overseas and in the states to establish back channels to communicate with Putin’s government.

Yes, Putin has something on Trump and Republicans say they don’t see any evidence of collusion.

The Department of Homeland Security and the FBI issued a report describing sophisticated Russian government attempts to target American and European power plants, nuclear facilities, airports and other critical infrastructure for cyberattacks. Trump has yet to address these attacks, instead opting to attack the FBI, Robert Mueller, and others in our law enforcement.

Politifact rates Trump’s statement of being tough on Russia than Obama as “mostly false.” The majority of everything Trump says is mostly false. His defense of our nation and loyalty should be rated nonexistent.

Here’s the video.

Please consider making a donation to keep the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. Reader contributions, small and large, really do help and are appreciated in a time of dwindling revenue for political cartoonists. You will also be supporting free speech and liberty while those in power are doing all they can to suppress it. You can also support by purchasing a signed print for $40.00. Just look at the right of this page and click the PayPal button. Thank you!

Best People Or Putin’s People?


cjones03092018

During one of the presidential debates, Hillary Clinton remarked that Donald Trump is Putin’s Puppet. Trump, the master of witty, incisive, searing comebacks that cut to the core which no one has ever rebounded from replied, “No, you’re the puppet. You’re the puppet”

From the day Trump was elected, he’s spent his time not blaming Russia for meddling in our election. He’s cast blame elsewhere, and when he finally did finally acknowledge (last week) that Russia meddled in our election, he said other people messed with it too and blamed Obama for “allowing” it to happen. That’s kinda like the scene on Step Brothers, where the two dumb guys build their own bunk beds, and when it collapses on top of one of them, they blame their father for allowing them to build it. This entire thing is collapsing around Trump.

Trump has not criticized Putin once and even said Putin denies it and the Russian leader believes he’s innocent. Even though Trump says Russia did meddle, he says it didn’t have an impact on our election. Of course, he also spent over a year refusing to believe Russia meddled. People purchase advertising because they believe it works. Russia put a lot of money into our election because they believed it would work. It worked. They got their puppet and it’s not Hillary Clinton.

The director of the National Security Agency says Trump has not authorized him to take measures to prevent Russia’s tampering in the 2018 election. In late 2016, the Obama administration granted $120 million to combat Russian meddling. To date, it has spent $0. Out of the 23 analysts who work in the department’s Global Engagement Center, not one of them speaks Russian. A hiring freeze has hindered the department from hiring computer experts to track Russia’s cyber warfare.

I wouldn’t worry about any of that because Trump says we should just use paper ballots. The man also had the advanced idea of ending school shootings by placing a rating system on our movies.

Some might suggest that Trump and Republicans not only care if Russia gets involved in our elections again but that they actually want them to.

During the campaign, Trump asked Russia to meddle, had an associate communicate with Wikileaks, and his son and campaign manager hosted Russians in their campaign headquarters who promised dirt on Hillary Clinton.

Now, word comes from another dossier by former MI6 agent Michael Steele, that Russia communicated with Trump through back channels that they didn’t approve of Mitt Romney as Secretary of State, and it wasn’t because Putin’s afraid of magic underwear. Trump ended up hiring Rex Tillerson, a man Vladimir Putin pinned Russia’s Order of Friendship Medal on.

Gary Cohn resigned yesterday as Trump’s top economic adviser. He almost left after Trump praised Nazis, but found it more difficult to stomach Trump’s new tariff policy than Nazis.

Trump says he likes conflict in his administration and people will come and go. More people have come and gone in Trump’s administration than in another other president’s by this point. He’s not worried about vacancies because everyone “wants a piece of that Oval Office.” I just hope he’s not confusing the Oval Office with Stormy Daniels, who is now suing him, by the way.

Over the past few weeks, Trump lost wife-beater Rob Porter, the White House Secretary. The White House Communications team sent out a defense of Porter, which was written by Porter’s girlfriend, Hope Hicks. Hope Hicks resigned last week, the day after testifying before Congress that she has told “little white lies” for Trump.

Yesterday, the Office of Special Counsel (not Robert Mueller’s office), said White House Counselor, Kellyanne Conway violated the Hatch Act by endorsing Roy Moore in two TV interviews. Public employees are prohibited from getting involved in politics. Conway once used her position to pimp Ivanka’s clothing line, gave us “alternative facts,” warned all of us that microwave ovens were spying on us, and has chosen to break the law and her oath of office to endorse a pedophile. The White House’s official response to this was, “nuh-uh.”

Trump has also surrounded himself in the past with people working as agents for Russia, and he made one of them his National Security Adviser. The man who replaced him, H.R. McMaster, is reportedly about to leave himself.

Trump’s HUD Secretary Ben Carson spent over $30,000 of taxpayer money on a dining room set. Five cabinet members, Ryan Zinke, Steve Mnuchin, Scott Pruitt, David Shulkin, and Tom Price has gone crazy with luxury private flights for trips home and honeymoons. Pruitt claimed he needed private travel because once, a fellow passenger told him he sucked. Pruitt also spent $25,000 on a sound-proof booth so people wouldn’t spy on him…and tell him he sucks.

Trump is not hiring the best people. I’m also starting to believe Putin didn’t just select our Secretary of State, but the entire damned cabinet.

Watch me draw Carrot Top.

Please consider making a donation to keep the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. Reader contributions, small and large, really do help and are appreciated in a time of dwindling revenue for political cartoonists. You will also be supporting free speech and liberty while those in power are doing all they can to suppress it. You can also support by purchasing a signed print for $40.00. Just look at the right of this page and click the PayPal button. Thank you!

Rooty Tooty For Pootie


cjones02232018

I was scrolling through my news feed on Facebook a few hours ago and I noticed one of my conservative friends created a post with a complaint. This friend, we’ll call her Allie because that’s her real name, was upset because she had posted a news story only to have it removed by Facebook. She posted it three times and three times Facebook had removed it.

Why would Facebook remove her post? Probably because it was a conspiracy theory generated by Russian bots from one of their troll farms. The story was about the children from the Parkland shooting who are voicing out for gun control, and how they’re actually paid actors.  The story is such garbage that Donald Trump will probably retweet it later. He’s retweeted from Russian bots before.

Donald Trump is an idiot, but Allie is not. Allie, however, does find confirmation bias too delicious to pass up or to confirm. Who cares if it’s advancing the goals of a hostile nation intent to tearing ours apart? Did you hear about the Washington pizza parlor?

They call it a troll farm for a reason. The Russians are creating trolls and Allie has allowed herself to become one. Many of these people are unwittingly hurting our nation. Others are aware and just don’t care. Screw pride, principles, and ethics. Did you hear that the Pope endorsed Trump?

First off, they hurt our nation by voting for Donald Trump. Earlier this week, a Trump supporter, we’ll call Gary because that’s his real name, told me he voted for the lesser of two evils. I pointed out that the lesser of two evils is not the candidate supported by Vladimir Putin. Gary, who is a veteran and considers himself a patriot, told me he doesn’t need voting tips from someone of my persuasion. Never mind that Gary’s allowing himself to be persuaded by Putin. Did you hear about Obama bugging Trump Tower?

It’s not just confirmation bias that moves these people to support Russia over the United States. It’s their partisanship, which is apparently more important than national security. National security was an important issue to them and one of the biggest reasons they cite for voting against Hillary Clinton, for who they chanted “lock her up” because of her email server. Now that Donald Trump has given classified information to Russians who were hanging out in the Oval Office, and he has over 100 staffers in the White House who can’t get a security clearance, national security doesn’t seem that important anymore. Did you read the Nunes memo?

Russia is dirty. They helped Donald Trump cheat to win the presidency. They’re so dirty, that because of doping their Olympic athletes can’t even compete under their nation’s flag. They’re so dirty that even their curling team is doping. I thought doping would be for watching curling, not playing it.

To Trump supporters, stop sharing fake news. Stop helping a hostile nation destroy ours. They’re still attacking us and you, unlike Trump, should stop helping them.

Root for the home team.

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