Pro Choice

Heifer Halftime Show

I’m old. I know less and less about pop culture the older I get even though I need a healthy enough knowledge of it for my work.

Let’s use Rihana as an example. I know who she is. I know she’s a singer with a great voice. I know the song “Shut Up and Drive” is hers because I heard it in “Wreck-It Ralph” which I’ve seen at least a dozen times. I like it. I also recognized a couple other of her tunes during her performance in the Superbowl Halftime Show. I didn’t know she had a baby or that she had taken several years off. Don’t ask me who ASAP Rocky is. I’m old and white.

First off, girl…how can you perform levitated in the air while pregnant? I can’t even climb a ladder without getting violent shakes.

So, I was watching the Super Bowl down the street from my apartment at a local bar which unfortunately closes at 9 P.M. every Sunday, Super Bowl Sunday be damned, which meant I had to leave near the end of the third quarter and race home in time to catch that shitty ending. Great game, shitty ending thanks to the refs. But, I digress.

During Rihanna’s performances, I noticed the bulge. The girl next to me whose boyfriend didn’t appreciate me talking to her until 9 P.M. said it was Rihanna’s post-baby bump. I didn’t even know Rihanna had a baby, but I thought it was really cool that she wasn’t hiding it. I found out later that it’s NOT a post-baby bump but a pregnancy…her second. And, this was a pregnancy reveal. I should call that girl to make sure she knows since I got her number. Anyways…

You know what? I think Rihanna is a badass. She performed the Super Bowl Halftime show on a levitating platform that was high enough to collide with Chinese spy balloons, she kicked ass, she exhibited confidence throughout, and she used the Super Bowl Halftime show for a pregnancy reveal. To everyone who watched her performance who said, “Meh,” go screw yourself. You get your ass up there on that platform and pull it off as well as Rihanna.

And, yes. There were critics. Not surprisingly, they’re old and white too.

Donald Trump “truthed,” “EPIC FAIL: Rihanna gave, without question, the single worst Halftime Show in Super Bowl history — This after insulting far more than half of our Nation, which is already in serious DECLINE, with her foul and insulting language. Also, so much for her “Stylist!”

Keep in mind that the entertainment at his inauguration was Three Doors Down while the parade consisted of tractors and bagpipes. Also, keep in mind that Donald Trump has insulted at least half of our nation.

Ronny Jackson, a Republican congressman from Texas who’s literally been up Trump’s ass, was upset even before her performance accusing her of making “a career of spewing degenerate filth while badmouthing America every chance she gets.” He asked, “Why is the NFL showcasing this crap? Rihanna SHOULD NOT be the halftime performer!!” 

How are Republican congressmen supposed to be fixing the border, economy, inflation, and everything else they howled about if they’re too busy fixated on Rihanna and the Super Bowl halftime show?

I don’t know what Rihanna said that “badmouthed” America, but maybe he was referencing the time she tweeted, “Fuck Trump,” or that time she said Trump is the “most mentally ill man in America.” Well, shit. I’ve said worse… much much worse about the pussy grabbing grifting bleached tangerine shitweasel with shit for brains.

Maybe Ronny “Fingers” Jackson was referencing the time Rihanna rejected the NFL’s invitation to play the Super Bowl Halftime show, citing solidarity with Colin Kaepernick and his protests for racial justice.

Other conservatives, like Ted Cruz, were too busy being outraged and flabbergasted from seeing Satan at the Grammys. He’s never had deviled ham in his life.

But just as conservatives are trying to force women to be birthing factories,and be barefoot in the kitchen, Rihanna’s doing the Super Bowl Halftime show. Maybe now they’ll try to outlaw pregnant women from showing pregnant belly bumps during football games.

What they should do is pass a law that bars can’t close during the Super Bowl.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

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Gas Stove Gaslighting

If you haven’t heard about bans on gas stoves, you will because it’s the latest Republican freakout.

Remember the freakouts over previous (mostly imagined) bans, like those on incandescent light bulbs, cheeseburgers, cow farts, gas cars, coal, and toilets you don’t have to flush at least 15 times? Republicans made a lot of noise over each of those, even though like the War on Christmas, most aren’t real. But howling about fake bans takes the heat off of you for not doing all the shit you promised you would if you took over the House.

Screaming about fake bans doesn’t stop inflation or secure the border.

But Republican politicians have been tweeting up a storm about liberals coming to take their gas stoves. Jim “Gym” Jordan, the king of gaslighters, tweeted, “God. Guns. Gas Stoves.” Democratic Senator, and coal lover, Joe Manchin said, “The federal government has no business telling American families how to cook their dinner.” Actually, it does. Cook all poultry to 165 degrees, unless you want to “own the libs” by eating pink chicken. Ron DeSantis even went on TV to scream that nobody’s taking away gas stoves in Florida.

I bet a bunch of these lawmakers don’t even know what kind of stoves are in their homes. But a bunch will now swap out their electric stoves for gas, like that time they all went to Chick-fil-A to own the libs after that franchise was criticized for funding hate groups. Mmmm, mmm, mmm. I don’t know about gas versus electric, but chicken is extra good when cooked with hate.

From all this noise, you’d think the Biden administration has put gas stoves on notice, right? Wrong.

The Biden administration has not said anything about banning gas stoves except that they’re not doing it. Nobody is banning all gas stoves. This noise is manufactured by Republicans because some cities and states have banned gas stoves in NEW buildings. Even then, that’s not a ban on all gas stoves. Nobody is coming for your guns or gas stoves.

But this kind of howling works, even when they’re all lies. Millions of Republicans believe Joe Biden is in favor of defunding the police, even though he’s come out forcefully against that idea. Joe Biden also is not responsible for a ban on sexy green M&M or Mr. Potatohead’s penis.

Sometimes these lies turn into actual legislation. Look at what House Republicans passed last week based on bullshit. One bill that passed condemns attacks “on pro-life facilities, groups, and churches,” but doesn’t mention shootings and bombings at abortion clinics. The other forces doctors to provide care to infants who survive an abortion, which is based on the lie that somewhere in this nation despite all the abortion bans, someone’s providing abortions in the 9th month of pregnancy. And coming soon, a prohibition on banning gas stoves.

It’s being discussed on the state level. Several Republicans in state legislatures are talking about banning cities from banning gas stoves in new buildings which must mean Tucker has talked about it. Several yee-haw states have already banned teaching Critical Race Theory in public schools even though NOBODY is teaching it.

I’ve had gas and electric stoves in my life and quite frankly, I don’t notice any taste difference in food cooked on gas or electric stoves. I’m not saying there’s not, I’m saying I haven’t noticed it. I understand the debate over propane and charcoal grilling better (yes, charcoal makes the food taste better but propane is so much cleaner and less hassle). Only 38% of Americans use gas stoves and that number will keep going down. Gas stoves are bad for the climate and dangerous to your health, but the gas lobby won’t tell you that. Hell, they’ll probably tell you it’s safe to stick your head inside a gas stove, which is still better than sticking it up Trump’s ass.

I totally expect someone to kill himself in the coming weeks by sticking his head in a gas stove and for a Republican reply to be, “Yeah, but was that person vaccinated?” I wonder how many Republicans have tried to hill themselves by sticking their heads in electric stoves.

Over on Twitter, JoJoFrom Jerz tweeted, “Republicans wanna decide what books you can read, what words you can say, which history you can learn, which gender you are, who you can love or marry & what you can or cannot do with your own body, but do go on about how ‘Dems are coming for your gas stoves and M&Ms’ won’t you.”

JoJo forgot voting rights where Republicans wanna decide who can vote and which candidates, through gerrymandering, you can vote for.

It’s too bad we can’t ban Republican gaslighting.

Music note: I listened to Cake, Blur, The Black Keys, and The Beatles. I listened to the entire Cake album, “Prolonging the Magic” and now “Sheep Go to Heaven” will be stuck in my head all day.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

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Goodbye To Women’s Rights

The citizens of this nation are about to lose a constitutional right.

In a leaked initial draft obtained by Politico last night, Justice Samuel Alito wrote, “We hold that Roe and Casey must be overruled.” This is a preliminary private vote that can change, but won’t. Chief Justice John Roberts, who is comfortable with extreme restrictions on a woman’s right to choose but not with banning it entirely, is voting with the minority to uphold abortion.

For Politico, Josh Gerstein and Alexander Ward write, “The draft opinion is a full-throated, unflinching repudiation of the 1973 decision which guaranteed federal constitutional protections of abortion rights and a subsequent 1992 decision – Planned Parenthood v. Casey – that largely maintained the right.”

Alito writes in the document labeled the “Opinion of the Court,” “Roe was egregiously wrong from the start. We hold that Roe and Casey must be overruled. It is time to heed the Constitution and return the issue of abortion to the people’s elected representatives.”

The people’s elected representatives is kind of the thing, isn’t it?

Mitch McConnell denied President Obama his third Supreme Court nominee a confirmation vote and even refused hearings. In his place, we got Trump’s Neil Gorsuch who is voting to destroy women’s rights to make health decisions regarding their own bodies. McConnell justified this seat steal by claiming there shouldn’t be a confirmation during an election year and the people should get to have a say in the pick…which they already had by electing Obama three years previously and the four years before that.

Then, Justice Anthony Kennedy retired in a deal with Donald Trump that smells fishy to high hell. His replacement was the beer-loving crying Brett Kavanaugh, a man accused of sexual assault. A man who didn’t seem mentally or emotionally up to the task of being a Supreme Court justice. Now he’s assaulting women again. If you’re female and you feel something clenching your uterus, that’s Brett. Would Justice Kennedy have retired if Donald Trump wasn’t president (sic)?

Then, Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg died less than two months before the 2020 election, and remembering his argument that there shouldn’t be SCOTUS confirmations during an election, Mitch McConnell threw his former position out the window and rushed the confirmation of Trump goon Amy Coney Barrett through before the election. His argument this time was that the Senate was elected by the people, and since Republicans were the majority that this was what the people wanted. The people gave the Democrats the majority two months later. Mitch McConnell doesn’t care if the entire world can see him cheating and for the lying hypocrite he is. He truly doesn’t care as long as he gets what he wants.

Donald Trump didn’t win the popular vote. Hell, George W. Bush didn’t win the popular vote for his first term. The Supreme Court, with justices appointed by his daddy, made George W. Bush president. Despite the Senate being controlled by Republicans during the Trump administration (sic), the majority of this nation’s voters voted for Democratic Senate candidates. Add that to the fact Donald Trump would not be president if NOT for the meddling and interference of Vladimir Putin. This is a fact. So what we have here is a constitutional right being taken away by a court put in place by the white Christian minority voters of this nation. This is not what the people wanted. This is not the direction the people want this nation to go in.

The decision argues that “abortion” is not mentioned in the Constitution. Guess what else isn’t. Birth Control, mixed marriage, and gay marriage. So what right will this ultra-right court full of religious extremists destroy next?

This decision is not final. It’s a draft that’s in the editing stage…or maybe still in the writing stage. Some votes during this stage can change but I don’t see Kavanaugh, Gorsuch, Alito, Barrett, or Clarence Thomas changing their vote not to destroy Roe V. Wade. This will probably be final and official in July.

What this means is that about 20 yee-haw states will ban abortion entirely, even in the case of rape, incest, and danger to the life of the woman carrying the fetus. Eleven states have laws that will automatically ban abortion as soon as the decision comes down. More fucknut states will follow suit as fast as they can pass bills and get them on governors’ desks. Don’t be surprised if there are a few special legislative sessions called for the sole purpose of banning abortion. But, this ruling makes abortion a state issue and it will still be legal in states where people don’t drag their knuckles and use eating utensils.

Some of these yee-haw states have made it illegal to leave the state to get an abortion. The Supreme Court has not ruled on one state making something illegal in another state…or have they allowed that? In the past, southern states made it a crime to leave and marry another person in another state. Returning home brought the possibility of jail time. This is what we’re returning to.

As you may recall, Republicans are always arguing about state rights. Yeah, like with everything else they say, that’s bullshit because as soon as the GOP takes back Congress, they’re going to do all they can to ban abortion for the entire nation. They’ll probably kill the filibuster in the Senate to ban abortion.

And what about a state like Virginia which voted heavily for President Biden but then got stupid over racist dog-whistles and elected a Republican who promised he had no interest in enacting Texas-style abortion laws? Expect that to be bullshit too as Virginia Governor Glenn Youngkin has a Republican General Assembly, and as we’ve noted, all Republicans are liars. Virginia’s Republicans will ban abortion. And you thought you were just voting against Critical Race Theory being taught to your kids. Here’s the worst part: Critical Race Theory was NEVER being taught to your kids. You fell for that shit and now you’re losing a constitutional right.

What this means is that you need to vote. Vote. Vote. Vote, motherfuckers, vote. I don’t care what state the economy is in or what gaffe President Biden said today or if you’re hearing the word “woke” a lot. Vote Democrat. If you don’t, you’re letting the troglodytes take over this country without even fighting for it.

Welcome to backward America where dogmatic religious zealots create laws dictating how you live your life. We’re going to give the Taliban a run for their money.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

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Georgia Heartbeats

cjones04072019

Ever since the Supreme Court case Roe v Wade made abortion legal in 1973, wingnuts have been doing everything they can to turn the clock back to 1873.

Kentucky and Mississippi have recently passed six-week abortion bans. Republican lawmakers in Tennessee, South Carolina, Ohio, and Florida are considering similar bills. Instead of mandating no abortions after six weeks, Georgian troglodytes have passed a ban outlawing abortion if a heartbeat can be detected. They’re calling it the “fetal heartbeat” bill.

The governor, who recently won election after he removed thousands of black Georgians off the voter rolls and oversaw the election from his position as Secretary of State, will sign the bill after the legislative session ends, which is today. The law will take effect in 2020.

The exceptions to the law are cases that involve rape or incest on the condition that a police report is filed. There is also an exception when a doctor determines the pregnancy would cause death or bodily harm to the mother or the fetus would not be able to live after birth.

The law will be challenged in court by the ACLU, and celebrities along with the Writers Guild of America are encouraging Hollywood to cease all productions in the state, such as The Walking Dead. There’s a joke in there somewhere. Georgia had 455 TV or film productions shot in the state in 2018, representing $2.7 billion in direct spending.

This law will become one of the most restrictive abortion bans in the nation as a heartbeat can often be detected as early as six weeks, which is often earlier than many women even know they’re pregnant. For now, abortion is legal in Georgia within the first 20 weeks. And, if the woman is pregnant from rape, it puts additional pressure on her to file a police report. The next step will be a law mandating that the raped, pregnant woman wear a scarlet letter.

The AP reports that the measure was approved by 92 votes, just one vote more than the majority needed to pass out of the 180-member House. Republicans don’t care about having a consensus when it comes to abortion. They don’t really care about anything when it comes to the issue as long as they can ban it and force their fundamental religious beliefs on the rest of the nation.

They don’t care that they stole a Supreme Court seat in their effort to ban it. They don’t care that they had to change the rules of Senate confirmation for SCOTUS justices because Donald Trump isn’t going to nominate consensus candidates. They don’t care that they put an accused sexual abuser on the court. They don’t care that they have to sacrifice their ethics and morals for Trump in order to ban abortion. They don’t care about facts as they still use the debunked “gotcha” videos from Project Veritas that attempted to frame Planned Parenthood for selling aborted baby body parts. They don’t care that a terrorist shot up a Planned Parenthood clinic, killing three people based on the Project Veritas hoax. They don’t care that this will increase the maternal mortality rates in Georgia, where it’s already one of the worst in the country.

They also don’t care about the actual babies because after they’re born, they do everything in their power to deny them welfare, school lunches, medication, health insurance, education, etc. They only care about their religious morality, when it fits, and legislating what women can do with their bodies.

If men could give birth then abortion would have been the very first Amendment in our Constitution…unless Viagra had been invented at that time, then maybe the second. Today, this nation wouldn’t have a “pro-choice” movement. People would be shot for merely suggesting a man carry a child to term. Abortion protesters would be banned from clinics. Nobody would be bombing or shooting clinics. The first abortion doctor would be on Mt. Rushmore and replace Lincoln on the five dollar bill. Sure, Lincoln freed the slaves, but Doctor Everythingsgonnabealright got me out of shooting a six-pound human out of my pee hole. “You detected a heartbeat?” Are you insane?

If men could give birth, no woman would be allowed to legislate abortion. go legislate your own nether regions.

Republicans believe abortion shouldn’t be performed if a heartbeat is detected. I have a similar belief. Abortion should not be legislated or decided by anyone who doesn’t have a uterus.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
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A Stake On Planned Parenthood

cjones10012015

I don’t really like to depict women as witches. But what else am I supposed to do when there’s a witch hunt? Besides, conservatives love to depict Hillary Clinton as a witch so let them enjoy these apples.

Congress has the wrong guy. Planned Parenthood has been cleared of wrongdoing by seven investigations. The videos taking aim at PP has been proven to be a hoax. Planned Parenthood is not selling body parts, they’re not in the abortion for profit business, and abortion is still legal. Yet they’re the one’s being investigated.

The anti abortion group, the Center for Medical Progress (HA!) is connected to Operation Rescue which is affiliated with people who have committed violence against doctors and abortion clinics. You know, affiliated with terrorists. Yet, Republicans want to follow their lead.

The videos are fake.

Carly Fiorina is a liar.

At Tuesday’s Congressional hearing, the republicans even had to pull out graphs with bogus information supplied by an anti-abortion group (and claimed they got it from Planned Parenthood’s books).

Now tell me, who really needs to be investigated?

If you’re going to shut the government down can you at least do it over something factual? It doesn’t matter how many times a Republicans says it’s true (they’re chopping up babies, selling body parts, breaking the law), it doesn’t make it true.

Stop wasting our time. Stop wasting our money. Do your freaking job and leave those alone who aren’t breaking the law. Investigate the Center for Medical Progress.

Little Snot Machine

cjones08162015

You never hear the Pro Life crowd cry about poor children starving. They don’t think the government should fund their school lunch. They want to cut education (so they stand a chance to be as dumb as they are). They definitely do not want them to have sex education in schools. They don’t want them to have insurance if the government has to assist. They’re in favor of stripping welfare away from a child if the father smokes marijuana. They don’t want the government do anything for that kid. They don’t even want to give kids in poverty cheese. Cheese! Have you seen school cheese? It’s almost a punishment forcing that upon kids.

If the kid is still in the womb then they’re all caring. It’s all they talk about. They don’t talk about what happens after the child is born. I guess it’s the Christian thing to care about a fetus but not the child. Of course in the Bible children were sacrificed so maybe it is the Christian thing to do.

They’re all about taking away funding from Planned Parenthood. Never mind the fact that abortions only account for 3% of what Planned Parenthood does. And never mind the fact that Planned Parenthood prevents a LOT of abortions and that federal funding does not pay for abortions. Hell, never mind the fact that Planned Parenthood is not harvesting fetus body parts for profit. These prolife wingnuts are so adamant about killing funding for Planned Parenthood that they’ll shut down the government over it.

Do an experiment on your own. Go to one of your Pro Life wingnut friend’s Twitter or Facebook account (Make sure you’re sober when you do this or you won’t be able to stomach the stupid, get angry and leave all sorts of smack talk and you’ll wake up to 128 notifications on your cell phone). Scroll back a few weeks and count how many times they have posted a meme or update on anything to do with abortions or Planned Parenthood. Now count how many times they’ve posted something out of concern for a living child. Don’t waste your time scrolling too far down past all the Jesus, Ann Coulter, and Ben Carson memes looking for that second thing because you’re not going to find it.

The good news about these people are that they are easily outsmarted. They’re not rational and they don’t have a grasp for reality so it should be easy to beat them at election time. Look at their presidential candidates. They believe one of these guys is going to win the presidency. The bad news is that there are so many of them, they lie, they spread misinformation, and they vote.

If men could get abortions there would be huge advances in science to prevent pregnancies and there would be safer abortions. There would not be any men against abortion, unless they’re fertile. There would be morning after Red Bull and Five-Hour Energy Abortion drinks and they would come in assorted flavors. Abortions would be sold at 7-11. They would have a Big Gulp-Big Bite-abortion special.