Nevada

Blue State, Red State, Corrupt State


cjones05242020

A couple days ago, I wrote Donald Trump and his administration of goons aren’t even trying to hide his corruption anymore. In firing Inspectors General in the midst of investigations, they don’t even give good reasons. Donald Trump said he fired the guy investigating his Secretary of State Mike Pompeo because he lost the guy’s confidence. Pompeo only defended it by saying he should have been fired long ago and that he didn’t know he was under investigation. Riiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiight. When it’s the fifth IG fired in five weeks, yeah.

That’s some morbidly obese bullshit.

Now, Donald Trump is threatening to stop all federal funding being sent to states that may not vote for him. That’s not exactly what he said but he’s doing a terrible job of hiding his corrupt intentions.

Michigan and Nevada are upping their plans for mail-in voting in order to decrease the risk of exposing their voters’ lives to the coronavirus. Well, Donald Trump doesn’t give a lick about anyone’s safety and like all Republicans, he realizes the more voters who participate in an election, the worst Republicans fare. The majority of people in this nation vote for Democrats. That’s a fact. Republicans don’t like that fact so they work to prevent people from voting except for the most racist and whitest of us.

Donald Trump tweeted his outrage at Michigan for mailing ballots to all their voters. Dumbass tweeted, “This was done illegally and without authorization by a rogue Secretary of State. I will ask to hold up funding to Michigan if they want to go down this Voter Fraud path!”

Except, that was some morbidly obese lying. Michigan’s Secretary of State mailed “applications” to voters, not ballots. Donald Trump claims what Michigan did is illegal. It’s not. So, two lies in one tweet. Good job, Donald. While explaining this to the press, he dropped another lie in that he was once Man of the Year in Michigan. He was never Man of the Year in Michigan. Maybe he’s confused because he resembles the Michelin Man.

What Donald Trump is doing is threatening to hold a state hostage by denying federal funding…during a pandemic. It’s kinda like holding Ukraine hostage by denying military aid during a war.

He went after Nevada in another tweet saying, “State of Nevada ‘thinks’ that they can send out illegal vote by mail ballots, creating a great Voter Fraud scenario for the State and the U.S. They can’t! If they do, ‘I think’ I can hold up funds to the State. Sorry, but you must not cheat in elections.”

The man who solicited election help from Russia and Ukraine is concerned about cheating in elections.

Trump is very upset over mail-in voting and keeps screaming about voter fraud, even though there isn’t any evidence to support it.

Trump told reporters, “I think just common sense would tell you that massive manipulation can take place. And you do have cases of fraudulent ballots where they actually print them and they give them to people to sign, maybe the same person signs them with different writing, different pens. I don’t know. It’s a lot of things can happen.”

Where, when, what? Where have there been “fraudulent” ballots that were “actually printed” then “given to people to sign?” This guy also claimed once that you need an I.D. to purchase cereal.

Donald Trump himself actually voted by mail, sending his ballot to Florida. Maybe he cheated so that’s how he knows it happens. His argument is that he’s “allowed to do it.” His spokesgoon, Kayleigh McEnany, defended his voting my mail by arguing how tough it was for him to leave the White House and go to Florida. I know she’s new on the job but you think she’d have noticed that Donald Trump, before the pandemic, was in Florida playing golf and bilking the government for it every other weekend since he became president (sic). Somebody, please give her the Cliff Notes.

Funny thing, Republican officeholders in at least 16 states that do not have all-mail elections have encouraged people to vote absentee during the coronavirus pandemic. You haven’t heard Donald Trump go after them yet. But maybe he should.

Donald Trump won Michigan, barely, in 2016. He’s going to lose it in 2020 and he knows it. But, he’s also trailing Joe Biden in other states he won, like Pennsylvania, Ohio, Arizona, Georgia, and his brand new home state, Florida. And you’re going to love this, but he’s only leading Biden by one point in….wait for it….TEXAS!!!! Yeehaw!

Even if Donald Trump doesn’t lose states like Georgia, Florida, Arizona, North Carolina, and Texas, his campaign will have to do some morbidly obese spending in those states.

This is some morbidly obese corruption and they’re not even trying to hide it. The good news is, Trump probably can’t withhold spending to those states, but I’m sure conservative courts and the Republican Senate will do all they can to help him.

Donald Trump doesn’t care about free and fair elections any more than he cares about the health of Americans during a global pandemic. His only focus with both is on himself. Donald Trump solicited help during the 2016 election from Russia and he got it. He even invited Russians into his campaign HQ. He placed suspected Russian spies on his campaign staff, then cried that the government was watching the suspected spies. Now, he’s doing it again, asking foreign governments to meddle in the 2020 election.

A president should want every American eligible to vote casting votes, even those who won’t vote for him. But Donald Trump and Republicans work to gerrymander and suppress. The people who cry that their rights are being robbed because they have to wear a mask don’t give a flying fig about non-white Americans being denied their right to vote. Cry me a morbidly obese river.

Donald Trump is corrupt and Donald Trump lies. At last count, which was in April, Donald Trump had told over 18,000 lies since he became president (sic). That’s a morbidly obese number.

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Lemony Bloomberg


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Here’s your cartoon for CNN’s weekly newsletter, Provoke/Persuade. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday for the rest of your life.

Someone said something close to “no one has ever lost as much money in one night in Las Vegas than Michael Bloomberg.” The guy has spent millions of his own money running for president only to be eviscerated by Elizabeth Warren.

While Warren successfully tore Bloomberg down, it doesn’t seem to have helped her with gaining delegates. Sure, her donations increased, but she’s still trailing nearly all the other candidates. It’s kinda like when Christ Christie destroyed Marco Rubio in a debate and the only person it helped was Donald Trump. Hell, Trump didn’t even make the guy his veep (which he expected) or give him a cabinet position. But I understand he did get some meatloaf and the opportunity to make fast food runs for Trump.

Yesterday, I made a post that Bloomberg is my top choice among the Democratic candidates…based upon my ability to caricature them. That confused people and sent many into a panic. C’mon, people. If I was going to vote based upon how easy it is to draw them and give me material, I’d be voting for Trump and would have voted for him in 2016. But there’s no way in Hell that I would ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever cast a vote for Michael Bloomberg.

Unless he’s the nominee against Donald Trump.

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Scary Berners


cjones05182016

A whole bunch of bad stuff went down at the Nevada Democratic Convention over the weekend.

Supporters for Bernie Sanders disrupted the proceedings by throwing chairs and later threatening the state chairwoman in a fight over delegates. They’re threatening to take the fun all the way to Philadelphia to. So much for unity.

Sanders has said he doesn’t support the violence or death threats, but he’s not actually doing anything to reign in his supporters. If you’re going to demand Donald Trump to calm his people down, you should do the same when your crowd gets chair-throwing happy.

He could at least tell his supporters to stop calling Roberta Lange, the chairwoman of the state party, with death threats to her and her family. They could also stop giving out her private phone number.

Bernie Sanders is not going to be the Democratic Party’s nominee. That doesn’t mean he should drop out as many of Clinton’s supporters are suggesting. The man has a right to take his campaign all the way through California to the convention in Philly. His platform is important and the party needs to listen. That said, his supporters should realize Bernie isn’t going to win, demand his voice in the platform, and support their party unless they want to see three more John Roberts on the Supreme Court, or worse, three Gary Buseys.

If you’re going to live by “Bernie Or Bust,” then bust is exactly what you’re going to get.

I can’t support candidates. I can’t give them money. I can’t campaign for them. That said, I’d really like one of those Bernie shirts. Not because I’m on Bernie’s team (I’m not on Hillary’s either). I just think they look cool.

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Poorly Educated


cjones02252016

The Republican party has been cultivating a base of poorly informed supporters for years. It increased drastically after Obama was elected president. This is the party that gave rise to the Tea Party, the slogan “I want my country back,” and birtherism. Republicans dumbed down and appealed to stupid, hateful people.

Along comes Donald Trump who says stupid things stupid people want to hear. He says we’ll build a wall and make Mexico pay for it. We’ll get rid of Obamacare and replace it with something better. We’ll tag Muslims and not let anymore enter the country. Mexico is sending us rapists and murderers. Make America Great again. Ted Cruz is a pussy. OK, that last one may not be so stupid, but I digress.

Trump has not been specific about any of his plans, yet his supporters love him and he’s killing his GOP rivals. Even the hateful, rhetorical Ted Cruz is on his last leg as a presidential candidate and Marco Rubio is in serious danger of losing his home state of Florida to Trump.

People support him because he’s “so honest.” How is he honest? He’ll support our vets. OK, how will he support our vets? How will he convince Mexico to pay for a wall? How much is this wall? What does “make American great again” even mean? Great compared to what? Segregation? White only lunch counters? Maybe he just wants to bring back Full House and 8-track tapes.

Some of his supporters say they don’t believe he’ll attempt to do the crazy stuff he says, but he’ll do a good job in the stuff they want done, like “make America great again.” They love that he’s not “politically correct” which is another way of excusing being offensive, insulting, and yes…again, racist. Seriously, I think poorly educated people just favor loud jerks.

During his victory speech in Nevada Trump mentioned how he won the votes of Evangelicals, Hispanics (what?) moderates, the more conservatives, and pretty much every demographic of Republicans. I was expecting him to say he won among kids with chicken pox. He also stated that he won the votes of the “highly educated” and the “poorly educated” then stated he “loves the poorly educated.” Trump can say anything and he’s proven that to be true. He said he can commit murder and his supporters will still love him. That’s probably true depending upon the color of his victim. OJ’s bloody glove could be found on Trump and his supporters wouldn’t bail on him.

I do love that the GOP is in full downward spiral over Trump. They’re actually confused how this happened after they created him. A conservative friend of mine, who is not stupid but takes stupid positions, says it’s Obama’s fault. Of course he’s in the Obama bashing industry so you gotta take that into account.

I share president Obama’s faith that our nation won’t elect Trump president. I did think the Carolina Panthers were going to win the Super Bowl so I could be wrong on this. But seriously, Bernie Sanders, Hillary Clinton, nutless monkey, I can’t see the general population choosing Trump over any of those choices.

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Slots Of Luck, Bernie


cjones02222016

When I draw a cartoon on Hillary Clinton her supporters are upset with me. I’m sure Bernie Sander’s people won’t like what I’m saying here.

People vote with their hearts for Bernie. People vote with their heads for Hillary. Bernie inspires passion in people while Hillary doesn’t, but more Democratic voters are viewing her as a more logical choice.  Sanders still hasn’t proven he can win a primary with a diverse electorate and the contests coming up are not going to get any easier for him. After losing in Nevada, I don’t see the delegate math working out for him.

I like Bernie’s passion and his ideas. I don’t think free college and healthcare is any sillier than free war and corporate welfare. I’m sure he can stomp Trump, Rubio, and Cruz in a debate. But I have more faith in Hillary Clinton dealing with a Republican congress. She has proven she’s tougher than any other politician running, or anyone in Congress. I have faith in that.

Fun factoid: The carpet in my office is actually from a Las Vegas casino.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!