Missouri

Can’t Find Kansas City


cjones02082020

I don’t know who has it harder, Trump supporters attempting to Trumpsplain his latest act of stupidity, the government agency tasked to argue that Missouri is Kansas, or future historians when they try to explain just how stupid our president (sic) truly was.

This morning, I went to a few conservative friends’ Facebook pages to see what the daily outrage was. It’s pole dancing and thrusting hips at the Super Bowl halftime show and Trump haters mocking him for congratulating the state of Kansas for the Kansas City Chiefs winning the Super Bowl. I’m surprised he didn’t congratulate the Chefs.

There is a Kansas City in Kansas, but that’s not the city the Chiefs represent. That city is in Missouri. After Trump’s tweet, it was deleted then reposted with “Missouri” replacing “Kansas.”

Last week, CNN caught heat after Rick Wilson, a Republican strategist, made fun of Trump and said he couldn’t find Ukraine on a map if you put a big U on it and a picture of a crane. The heat was for their disrespect and laughing at Trump supporters. But last night, Donald Trump proved Wilson correct. The man doesn’t know geography which can be added to the huge list of shit Trump doesn’t understand.

After becoming president, he learned Puerto Rico is an island and that islands are surrounded by water. He referred to the Governor of Puerto Rico as the President of Puerto Rico (Trump is the president (sic) of Puerto Rico). He told the Prime Minister of India, “it’s not as though you have China right on your border.” He claimed the border wall with Mexico was in Colorado. He thought Belgium was a city. He thought Paris was in Germany. He was shocked to discover Nepal and Bhutan were their own countries and not a part of India, pronounced them “nipple” and “button.” At least he didn’t call Bhutan “buttcrack.” He can’t pronounce “Tasmania.” He thinks there’s a country in Africa called “Nambia.” He thinks the Persian Gulf is called the “Arabian” Gulf. He blamed Estonia, Latvia, and Lithuania, nations that border the Baltic Sea, for being responsible for the war in the BALKANS (and his wife is from the Balkans). And don’t get me started on his confusion with England, the United Kingdom, and Great Britain.  He also thinks Ireland is a part of the United Kingdom.

You can be forgiven if you don’t understand everything in the above paragraph, but you’re not the president of the United States. And quite frankly, you should understand all the geography in the above paragraph.

Trump’s supporters’ response to his latest flub is to point out that Obama once said “57 states” when he meant 47. Republicans are too stupid to realize that even if Obama truly believed there are 57 states, it doesn’t defend Trump’s stupidity. If you and I both get zeros on a test, your stupidity does not make me smarter. Also, Trump sycophants have to go all the way back to 2008 to find something stupid Obama said. I only have to go to last night for something stupid from Trump, and today’s not over yet.

Here’s the painful truth: The president of the United States (sic), as former Secretary of State so eloquently put it, is a fucking moron. And while some people want to steer clear of making fun of Trump’s supporters, sycophants, and members of his cult. I won’t. You’re all fucking morons.

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No Wiggle Room For Women


cjones05222019

Renting a moving truck from U-Haul to go from Alabama to Connecticut will cost somewhere between $600 to $800, depending on the size truck you need. Why did I look this information up? Because, if you’re in Alabama, you need to get out. As a public service, I’m giving you an idea on the cost.

Why did I pick Connecticut? Because some state officials in Connecticut have offered safe haven to Alabamians who wish to escape their state’s new restrictive abortion laws. Though the law isn’t actually legal yet despite the governor signing it, Alabama seeks to become the most restrictive state in regards to abortion. Connecticut, which has codified abortion, is the most progressive on the subject. Alabama wants to ban abortion entirely, even in the case of rape and incest. If this law becomes an actual law, a woman in Alabama impregnated from rape could face a stiffer prison sentence than her attacker.

But, if you’re from Alabama, even if you’re progressive, you’re probably not going to like Connecticut. It’s expensive and you’ll think Yankees talk funny. It’s also close to Boston, so you’ve been warned.

I do find the invitation extended to Alabamians from Connecticut ridiculous. Even though it seems like it’s Alabamistan, it’s not a foreign country. Alabama is in the same nation as Connecticut. You don’t need an invitation. You’re free to move about the country as you wish. So, if you want to escape Alabama, and I recommend that you do, you can choose whichever state you want. However, there are several states to avoid as they seek to legislate their religion to create women-punishing laws nearly as strict as Alabama’s. Which ones are they? Glad you asked because here we go.

Don’t go to Georgia. It’s a beautiful place and I lived there for three years when I was a teenager. I even went to high school with Amy Carter, daughter of former president Jimmy Carter. They have pecans, peaches, lots of red clay, and the Georgia Bulldogs. It was the home to Martin Luther King Jr. and is the base for Mike Luckovich of the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, a friend of mine and one of the nation’s best political cartoonists. But, in addition to banning abortions after six weeks, the state also suppresses votes from African-Americans. Don’t go to Georgia.

Missouri. They just passed a bill that bans abortions after a heartbeat is detected, and it allows exceptions for medical emergencies but not for pregnancies caused by rape or incest. Plus, it’s Missouri.

Ohio. Another one of those “heartbeat” bills and the governor signed it. On top of that, Cleveland is in Ohio.

Mississippi. I started my career in the state and lived in Batesville, Brookhaven, Gulfport, and Jackson. The state has given us some of America’s greatest authors from Eudora Welty (my college was across the street from her house. I never saw her), Willie Morris, John Grisham, and of course, William Faulkner. They have the best barbecue and a new abortion bill that they call, wait for it…the “heartbeat” bill.

Kentucky. Rand Paul, Mitch McConnell (yet, they shoot lame race horses) and…you guessed it, a “heartbeat” bill. Don’t go to Kentucky.

Louisiana, where I spent the majority of my youth against my will. “Heartbeat” bill.

I’ll just mention the rest for the sake of brevity. Texas, Utah, West Virginia, South Carolina, Iowa, and Florida. Basically, avoid any state that voted for Trump.

Today, a trial is set to begin in a lawsuit filed by women’s health groups seeking to overturn restrictions on abortion providers in Virginia, my state. One of those restrictions is that a woman must get an ultrasound before an abortion. I’m surprised they don’t make her name the fetus first.

These laws are not about life. They’re about control and religious fundamentalism. The governor of Alabama made that clear when she said the law “stands as a powerful testament to Alabamians’ deeply held belief that every life is precious and that every life is a sacred gift from God.” These people don’t even believe in separation of church and state. They don’t believe in the Constitution. These lawmakers are pushing the issue hoping their state is the one that finally gets the Supreme Court to strike down Roe v. Wade.

This is a war on women. Make no mistake about it. If they actually succeed in banning abortion nationwide, what will they go after next? Remember how elections have consequences? Two of those consequences are named “Neil Gorsuch” and “Brett Kavanaugh.” Liberals need to vote with SCOTUS in mind, just like conservatives do.

If conservatives, Republicans, religious yahoos, and Trump cultists get their way, moving to Connecticut or any progressive state won’t be an escape for anyone. It’s time to stop running. It’s time to take a stand. We have to stop allowing these people from legislating their morality onto the rest of us.

Chains or change. It’s up to you.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
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Harry


HarryTruman

Here’s a cartoon I drew for the Raytown-Brooking Eagle in Missouri. They specifically wanted something with Harry Truman in the cartoon, since he was from their county. I got to tie it into a local issue.

I drew this on my tablet. No ink or paper involved.

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Politically-Correct Wussies


cjones11112015

Every time conservatives moan about political correctness someone like Ben Carson comes along and says liberal speech at public universities should be eliminated. The Right says people shouldn’t be so sensitive about the Confederate flag or racist insults but they get all butt hurt if you say “happy holidays” instead of “merry Christmas.” What’s up with that?

The University of Missouri has been experiencing problems for a while regarding race relations. Some say decades and black students don’t feel welcome on campus unless they’re athletes. Several African-American students have experienced people yelling racist slurs at them, vandalism and someone recently hung a Swastika drawn with feces in a dormitory bathroom. Swastikas are pretty ugly, intimidating and threatening alone so I don’t see why the offenders felt they needed the addition of feces to get attention. Maybe they just had a lot of crap laying around they didn’t know what to do with.

The students have been asking the university to address the issue for a long time to no avail. The president of the university had been tone deaf to the situation. Eventually minority students got so fed up they demanded the president to resign. You would think they would have had his attention at poop Swastika.

One graduate student decided to address the situation by going on a hunger strike. That didn’t faze the president. He was confronted at a parade by students and he remained silent. Finally minority students on the football team vowed they wouldn’t play again until the president resigned. Forfeiting football games would cost the university millions of dollars. Guess what finally got the university’s administration’s attention? Yup. The threat of forfeited football games.

Conservatives are freaking out in anger. Ben Shapiro of Breitbart says the president was only guilty of being white. A contributor to RedState.com says the protesters are “cowardly liberal lazy douchebags.” Rush Limbaugh says it’s the end of college football as we know it.

Glenn Beck said that universities who face these kinds of student uprisings are only getting “what they deserve. They have fostered a culture of entitlement among minority students, he said, and now those students have become “unhinged.”

A University of Missouri Republican student group is apologizing for a tweet likening students protesting the school’s handling of racial issues with Islamic extremism. The group later deleted the tweet and apologized. Republicans start the crazy racist stuff while young.

It seems the people who bemoan political correctness in regards to racist slurs are mostly white. There’s a thing about political correctness. It does infringe on free speech too much when it oppresses unpopular viewpoints and things people just don’t like to hear. But it’s not being PC to refrain from racism. That’s just being a decent person and not so much a racist jerk.

These people complaining were silent regarding racism. They only got upset when concerns over racist incidents were finally addressed.

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The Sport Of Bashing The Poor


cjones05262015

Republicans in Wisconsin, Missouri and Maine are tired of poor people having fun being poor. That party has to stop. The GOP is introducing measures to limit what can be purchased with food stamps.

It’s punishing people for being poor. This isn’t even aimed at welfare fraud. It’s aimed at those who are being honest. If we have to feed them then let’s make sure they can’t taste their food.

Republicans like to deflect attention away from real problems. It’s the “look. a squirrel” strategy. It works. It makes the poor and stupid white people keep voting for them.

Unhappy with unemployment or you just don’t like people of different colors and those who talk different? Blame immigration, despite it being lower now than it ever has been in modern history.

Republicans want to give more benefits and credit to oil companies. Let’s point out how we shouldn’t be held hostage to Middle East countries and their oil, despite this country getting most of it’s oil from Canada.

Don’t like government waste then let’s attack social welfare, which we spend $59 billion a year on versus $92 billion on corporate welfare.

Republicans never attack corporate welfare. They don’t want to study it. They don’t want to limit it. They don’t want to know how the beneficiaries are spending it. Leave hardworking rich people and corporations alone with their government handouts but let’s make sure a single mother of three isn’t using your hard-earned money to spoil her kids with the luxury of ketchup.

Ronald Reagan made up a lie about a welfare queen in Chicago. He was never made to account for the racist lie and poor white people ate it up. The GOP is continuing that tradition today.

Sensitive Cop Feelings


cjones12022014

Police shoot a 12-year old black child in Cleveland who was wielding a pellet gun. That’s not offensive.

In July a black man in New York City is accused of selling loose, untaxed cigarettes and refuses to be hand cuffed. He’s placed in a police choke hold and dies. That’s not offensive.

65% of Ferguson, Missouri is black but 92% of all arrest in the city in 2013 were black. That’s not offensive.

white-on-black homicides in states with Stand Your Ground laws are 354% more likely to be ruled justifiable than white-on-white ones. That’s not offensive.

A black man is killed every 28 hours by police or vigilantes but that’s not offensive.

Black Americans were nearly four times as likely as whites to be arrested on charges of marijuana possession in 2010, even though the two groups used the drug at similar rates. That’s not offensive.

There are only three black police officers on the Ferguson police force. That’s not offensive.

In 2013 86% of police traffic stops in Ferguson targeted African Americans. That’s not offensive.

Rudy Guiliani says black people are to blame for police brutality. That’s not offensive.

A political cartoonist (troll) I know posted a photo of protesters last week and wrote “that’s a lot of welfare recipients.” That’s not offensive.

Five members of the St. Louis Rams stage a silent and peaceful protest against the police shooting of Michael Brown that lasts seconds before Sunday’s game. The St. Louis Police Officers Association says THAT’S OFFENSIVE!

Ferguson’s Burning


cjones11262014

I hate having to hit on this issue. I’m sure many of my usual liberal fans and supporters won’t be very fond of it but I can’t ignore the issue.

Most of us hate to see a riot happen over an issue such as this because it actually distracts from where the focus should be. It also gives credence to those who belittle, ignore and justify police brutality and a justice system that discriminates and totally does not have any concern for a large segment of our society.

One of my conservative friends said Obama was “fanning the flames” by saying he understands many people won’t agree with the grand jury decision. Obama also asked for peaceful protests so I’m not sure exactly how he can be so influential with starting a riot while having no influence toward peace.

My next cartoon will be on the grand jury decision. I’m trying to get my work done early this holiday week, not because I have big plans but because I know most editors won’t be at their desks Thursday and Friday. I already finished my Free Lance-Star cartoon for Sunday and I plan to draw another for The Daily Dot before the week is out.

Here’s hoping I don’t burn out.