Mary Trump

Crazy Uncle


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Here’s your cartoon for this week’s CNN Opinion newsletter. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday.

When I threw this idea at my editor, I didn’t know Mary Trump had actually spoken up that Donald Trump was truly someone’s “crazy uncle.” Or maybe she hadn’t done that before I wrote this cartoon. I don’t know. I found out when I had my proofreader read this, and she told me.

Moderator of the Trump town hall, Savannah Guthrie, asked Donald Trump why he kept retweeting insane conspiracy theories. She pointed out that Donald Trump is the president (sic) of the United States. Not someone’s crazy uncle.

Donald Trump is a crazy uncle. Mary Trump does not have a choice in that. We can’t choose our families. All we can do is to choose to avoid toxic people, even when they’re our family.

Mary Trump does not have a choice in Donald Trump being her crazy uncle. She’s stuck with him. But we’re not.

We all get to choose whether we have crazy Donald Trump as a part of our lives. Quite frankly, I don’t need a crazy uncle. I have enough insane people in my family, thank you.

Mary, you’re stuck with him but I chose to ditch this crazy uncle (I already voted). I’m looking forward to the rest of the country doing the same.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Family Testimonials


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Full disclosure. I too have sisters (two) who don’t like me and will say all sorts of nasty things. Things like, “entitled,” “selfish,” “spoiled,” “wasted my talent,” etc. But in my defense, I’m not the only person in the family they refuse to talk to (in my case, I choose not to talk to them), they’re not federal judges and they’re Trump supporters.

Donald Trump’s older sister is a retired federal judge and she apparently spent about 15 hours shit-talking her brother. What did Maryanne Trump Barry say about her baby bro? He’s a “liar,” “cruel,” “People can’t trust him,” and he’s a “man of no principles.” She also complained about how Donald Trump has treated migrant families and said, “All he wants to do is appeal to his base.” About ripping families apart and throwing babies in jail, she said, “I mean my God, if you were a religious person, you want to help people. Not do this.” She said, “what they’re doing with kids at the border,” and guessed her brother “hasn’t read my immigration opinions” in court cases.

She also said he doesn’t read and she’s apparently the one who told their niece, Mary Trump, that Donald paid someone to take the SATs for him to get into the University of Pennsylvania because he was too stupid to get in on his own.

Last week, more than 70 former Republican national security officials endorsed Biden, saying Trump had engaged in corrupt behavior “that renders him unfit to serve as president.” But hey, don’t take it from them. Take it from his own sister.

The recordings were made by their niece, Mary Trump, who just released a book bashing The Donald, “Too Much and Never Enough: How My Family Created the World’s Most Dangerous Man.” She secretly recorded her aunt, Maryanne Trump Barry, trying to get more information over their inheritance which she felt cheated out of. Being that they’re Trumps, I’m sure she was. Maryanne Trump didn’t know she was being recorded, which was legal in the state of New York.

Maryanne repeated what we’ve all been saying for years. She said, “The change of stories. The lack of preparation. The lying. Holy shit.” Holy shit, indeed.

Donald Trump didn’t attack his older sister but defended himself with, “Every day it’s something else, who cares.” His chief-of-staff however was sent to the Sunday morning talk shows to disparage her along with the niece. Meadows tried to slight her by mentioning she didn’t attend their younger brother’s funeral held at the White House over the weekend. Somehow, an 83-year-old judge didn’t want to be around a lot of no-mask-wearing fucknuts in a covid hot spot.

At their own father’s funeral, Mary Trump claims Donald was the only one who didn’t talk about his father, instead talking about himself, which I’m sure no one finds believable (insert eye roll here). Maryanne Trump told her son afterward not to let any of her siblings speak at her funeral.

These recordings are just in time for the Republican National Convention where Donald will have other family members speak, like his idiot son Donald Trump Jr, who will speak on the first night. Eric and Tiffany will speak on the second night, and his wife, Melania, plans to deliver last week’s speech by Michelle Obama from Jackie Kennedy’s Rose Garden she just destroyed. On the last night, Ivanka will speak despite being a federal employee. With Donald Trump and Melania speaking from the White House, and with Ivanka’s participation, it’ll be hard to deliver a law-and-order platform when you’re breaking the law while delivering that platform.

Donald Trump plans to speak every night of the convention. Again, I have to watch all this shit. Ugh. Did I mention Matt Gaetz and Jim Jordan are speaking tonight? I’m tempted to warm up my oven so I can stick my head in it.

This revelation, that his own sister thinks Donald Trump is cruel, a liar, a phony, and isn’t prepared, won’t hurt him with his base who are people who lie, are cruel, and have no principles (I mentioned Matt Gaetz and Jim Meadows are speaking, right?). People with principles don’t support someone as openly corrupt as Donald Trump. Maryanne Trump said “It’s the phoniness of it all. It’s the phoniness and this cruelty. Donald is cruel.”

Phony and cruel. That’s what his base is voting for.

As for Donald Trump and his sister, he can always say we can’t trust anything she says because she’s a Trump.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Biden’s Pick


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Here’s your cartoon for this week’s CNN Opinion newsletter. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday.

The funniest thing about this cartoon is that a few people who left comments about it on social media took it seriously. They were like, “No, we can’t trust her. She’s a Trump.” and, “I would prefer so and so blah blah blah.”

People. It’s a cartoon. I’m not advocating for Joe Biden to pick Mary Trump. In fact, she’s not even a candidate among his prospects.

It’s a cartoon. Sometimes, I want to virtually slap people on the back of their heads.

OK, who do you want to see Joe pick?

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

 

Trump Nerd


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Is it plausible Donald Trump cheated on his SATs? I think it’s implausible he knows how to spell “SAT.”

CNN obtained a copy of Mary Trump’s book, “Too Much and Never Enough: How My Family Created the World’s Most Dangerous Man.” And so far, the biggest revelation from Trump’s niece that doesn’t surprise anyone is Donald Trump, the world’s stupidest man, paid a nerd to take his SAT for him.

Donald Trump has boasted about being at the top of his class. While he’s never released his school transcripts (despite barking for President Barack Obama to do so), professors and classmates have spoken out that Donald was nowhere near the top of his class. It would amaze most if he was able to work the doorknob to get into class. And heaven forbid if there were stairs.

According to the book, Donald Trump paid someone to take his SAT test to get into the University of Pennsylvania’s Wharton Business School. She didn’t just make the claim, she named the guy who “supposedly” took the test for Dumb Donald. Later, he still needed assistance from his brother and father to twist elbows for him to get into Wharton.

We didn’t know about the SAT accusation but we already knew Donald Trump is stupid. And none of the other details that have leaked out so far don’t tell us anything new about Donald Trump. He commented on his niece’s breasts. We already knew he was a pig. He hid his younger brother’s toys and threatened to destroy them. We already knew he was an asshole. Instead of going to the hospital on the night his older brother died, he went to the movies. We already knew Donald Trump was a selfish uncaring asshole. He hired Mary to write a book about him and only delivered transcripts of a recording of him insulting women who refused to date him. We already knew he was an immature, insecure, misogynistic manchild and most women find him repulsive. Mary, who has a doctoral degree in clinical psychology, believes Donald Trump meets all nine criteria for narcissism. Again, we already knew that. Donald Trump is a sick racist puppy.

If you’re looking for real juicy dirt like there is a pee tape, he had a guy killed, details of an Epstein party with underage models, he lost his penis in a smelting accident, or he wears a diaper, or his real father’s an Oompa Loompa, you’re going to have to look elsewhere. Sorry.

Of course, Kaleigh McEnany, the White House Spokesgoon and others cried out that the SAT story is a big fat lie. Of course, the only way they know it’s a lie is because that’s what Donald Trump, the teller of over 19,000 lies since coming into office, has told them. The people who work for Donald Trump, and those who support him, pretend he’s not stupid, racist, or a horrible human being.

Donald Trump is horrible; he’s willing to risk your children’s lives for his selfish needs. Don’t make the mistake of believing Donald Trump cares about you, your children, or anyone who isn’t Donald Trump. He continues to visit hotspots for the coronavirus where members of his campaign, the Secret Service, his supporter Herman Cain, and even his idiot son’s girlfriend contract the virus…yet he continues to go to campaign in hotspots to satiate his frail ego.

Yesterday, he said he’s going to pressure governors and mayors to reopen schools this fall. He did this while lying that the United States has the lowest mortality rate from the coronavirus in the world. He claimed Democrats are playing politics in wanting the schools to remain closed. He believes it’s all designed to hurt him.

Again, for Donald Trump, everything is about Donald Trump. He thinks the schools are being kept closed to hurt him. He’s playing politics with your kids’ lives.

Just like nobody wants to keep the economy closed forever, nobody wants to keep children home. We all want them in schools. The question is, “when?” You have to be insane if you think it helps anyone politically to force parents to be home day after day with their sticky-handed screaming snot factories. That wouldn’t endear you to anybody.

The thing that scares me most is that Trump supporters will risk their children’s lives for their messiah. I’m astounded people will sacrifice their principles, ethics, and honesty for this racist reality TV host who’s so stupid, he thinks we can nuke hurricanes. Yet, now they’ll risk their children’s lives for this narcissistic asshole. It’s not like he has to entertain Barron on a constant basis. Just like SAT test, he has someone to do that for him.

Before you send little Johnnie and little Debbie back to school to help your false prophet claim everything’s back to normal so he can be reelected, keep in mind the lies he’s already told about the virus.

It was supposed to disappear last April. We’re now in July. In case you’re a Republican, April is before July. Now, Donald Trump is boasting about a low mortality rate which is horrible because that means a lot of people are about to die. Make sure it’s not your child.

It’s no surprise Donald Trump had someone take the SAT for him. Use your own eyes. He’s claimed credit for our economy, stock market, and job creation when all of that was accomplished by a black guy. A black guy who was much more accomplished and smarter than Donald Trump. What we need now is someone to president for Donald Trump because Donald Trump isn’t doing it.

Every single test that’s been thrown at Donald Trump since he became this nation’s president (sic), he’s failed. He never built the economy so we can’t have faith he’s capable of rebuilding it. He’s failed with the coronavirus. He’s failed in race relations.  And right now, he’s failing our country.

Dumb Donald never should have been accepted into Wharton and he never should have been allowed in the White House. Donald Trump has been a test for America and if you’re supporting or voting for him, you failed.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.