Fake News

Russian Troll Farm


cjones09202017

Today, we’re going to start with the basics and have a lesson on trolls. No. Not the mythological trolls who live under bridges, though some of these trolls would probably live under a bridge if that bridge was also a Wi-Fi hotspot.

We’re going to talk about internet trolls. Now, if you do not post stuff on the internet, like political cartoons or ever engage in online debates, then…GOOD FOR YOU! That’s very healthy for your mind and it means you will never encounter trolls. But, if you are the sort (like me) who posts opinions online or engage in online debates, then you are stalked by the cretins.

There are several types of internet trolls. The first is the troll who disrupts a conversation. If you post an opinion like, “Obama kept all of his promises,” and someone comes along and says, “but he didn’t shut down Guantanamo like he promised,” that person is not a troll. Someone disagreeing with you does not make them a troll. Though at times when you disagree with a conservative, he will accuse you of being a troll if you throw logic at him that he can’t refute. That is a tactic of a troll (we’ll cover more of those tactics in a bit).

The troll who disrupts merely disrupts because he’s trying to destroy the conversation and divert it into another direction until all the conversation consists of are insults. For example, let’s say you post that Trump’s Muslim ban is bigotry and unconstitutional, as he promised to ban Muslims while he was campaigning. An internet troll will enter your discussion and tell you how Islam is a violent religion and you hate America. He might even say if you don’t like it here then you should move to Iran, which he couldn’t find on a map if his troll life depended on it.

Another tactic of the troll is the art of deflection. For instance, you might start a conversation about how Trump University is a sham. The troll will come in and say something like “Benghazi” or “lock her up.” That doesn’t make any sense, does it? No. But, if you counter the troll by pointing out that his argument doesn’t make any sense, then the troll has achieved his objective because you’re not talking about Trump University anymore. Eventually, along the way, he’s going to call you a “libtard,” “snowflake,” and perhaps tell you that you desire a “safe space.” Other favorite terms for trolls are, “Odummer,” “Obummer,” and “Killary.” I know, they’re not very creative. Trolls never are. They all use the same code words because they’re not very good at formulating thoughts on their own. Also, watch out for “thug,” as that’s their replacement for the N-word.

Other troll tactics are never quitting. You can stop replying to them, but they’ll keep it up. If you do reply, that is commonly referred as “feeding the trolls.” Other tactics are using memes with fake stuff in them, like “Obama banned the Pledge of Allegiance.” One of their most effective tactics is the use of fake quotes. This is where they take a picture of someone, usually a founding father like Thomas Jefferson, and just make up some shit that he supposedly said like, “everyone should have a gun…and shoot their brown neighbor. It’s the American thing to do.” Trolls love them some fake quotes. Half the time, they don’t even know they’re fake, and they don’t care. Facts schmacts!

Another type of troll is the one who actually creates the post and starts the conversation. For example, last week I saw one of my conservative troll-like colleagues start a discussion wailing about the injustice Stephen Colbert gave toward religion because in his monologue, he mocked the Catholic church’s stance on gluten. Yes. Someone actually complained about this. A professional cartoonist, at that. Most of the conversation that followed consisted almost entirely of his fellow trolls, who all joined the wailing about the blasphemy Colbert directed at their religion. Of course, none of these people except for the original troll saw the monologue as they were all watching Fox News. This is the type of stuff used to create a divisive climate and to spread propaganda.

Which, is what the professional trolls do. These are the trolls that put actual heavy lifting into their trolling. The propagandists who made the phony videos that claimed Planned Parenthood was selling dead baby body parts were trolling on a grand scale. They put a lot of money into that trolling. Even after the videos were debunked, even by several state governments run by Republicans, the amateur trolls still believe it. Trolls don’t need facts or logic for their beliefs. They believe stuff based on their desire to believe it, like Obama was born in Kenya, and he’s a secret Muslim who went on an apology tour for America.

Now, if you go out and vote for Donald Trump and your vote is based only on lies, the troll doesn’t care. He’s done his job. The propaganda worked and it was cheap. The other person who doesn’t care if your vote was based on lies is Donald Trump. Of course, Trump is a major troll. His favorite troll term is “fake news.”

This is where the most dangerous trolls come in (along with the ones who inspire nuts to go on a shooting frenzy). Russian trolls. The Russian trolls aren’t just trying to decide an election. They’re trying to screw up other nation’s political systems. So far, they’ve done a very good job. America is full of all types of crazy, stupid people and all they needed was a little push.

During the campaign, we knew the Russians were putting fake information on the internet. Stuff like Hillary Clinton running a child-sex-slave shop out of the basement of a D.C. pizza parlor. Never mind that it wasn’t true, or that the pizza shop targeted doesn’t even have a basement. The objective is to make you believe it. Michael Flynn’s son was tweeting out the story about “Pizzagate” while he was on the Trump Transition team, and another guy believed it so much that he took a gun to the pizza shop and started shooting. Kinda like the guy who shot up the Colorado Springs Planned Parenthood office because those videos told him they were selling dead babies.

If you take this story and help spread it around, share it on the Facebook, retweet it on Twitter, then you are what is commonly referred to as a “useful idiot,” and of course you’re a troll. And, you’re not just any kind of troll. You’re troll cattle.

The Russians have troll farms. That’s where they create shit, breed troll cattle to feed the shit, and then have the cattle spread it. If you’ve ever spread bullshit on the internet, you’re a fucking troll cow and there’s a good chance you were working for the Russians…and for free. You’re a piece of shit.

As it turns out, nearly a year after the election it’s come to our attention that the Russians weren’t just dropping fake stories on the internet. They were paying for it. They paid Facebook over $100,000 for bullshit ads. And even worse, they were advertising rallies, where trolls could gather and get pissed off together.

With the way this information has slowly been revealed by Facebook, some are wondering if Putin has a pee tape of Mark Zuckerberg (someone else made up that joke, but I don’t know who so I can’t give him or her credit).

Most of these trolls don’t know they’re trolls. But, give yourself a test. If you believe in something just because you want to believe it, then you might be a troll. If you have shared something (like a meme) and didn’t research it to find out if it’s true, then you might be a troll. Google is free, people. It’s not hard to look shit up, and you’re on the internet anyway. Something sounding like it could be true to you does not make it true. There are 25 million people who believe Kim Jong Un is a god, but that doesn’t make him a god. There were 62 million Americans who thought Donald Trump would make a good president, and that shit ain’t coming true either. Ever. And, if you believe Trump won the popular vote and there were millions of people voting illegally for Clinton, you’re a goddamn troll.

The trolls are out there. Whether they know it or not, they could be working for Russians. Look for the traits. Look for the keywords, like “Benghazi,” “lock her up,” “libtard,”  “snowflake,” and “fake news.” Or, just look for the assholes.

Creative note: A couple weeks ago a colleague posted a question for other cartoonists, asking “what do you hate drawing the most?”. The number one answer was crowds. I don’t really mind crowds and I do it fairly often (as long as I don’t have to be in an actual crowd). The second most popular answer was…grass. I agree with that. Drawing grass sucks. Grass is in strands, it’s tiny, it’s green, and it can take all freaking day, or if you take the lazy route and do it very quickly, then it can look like crap. Fortunately for me, I’m aided by the fact that I don’t draw anything realistic. It’s because I’m sloppy. But, I will still spend seven stupid hours on a cartoon, with at least one hour of that drawing grass. I’d rather draw a crowd.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

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Trump TV


cjones08102017

When I was growing up I felt very fortunate not to live in a nation like the Soviet Union, North Korea, Iran, China, Cuba, etc., where the only news you received was sanctioned by the government. But, Vladimir Putin and Kim Jong Un can only have wet dreams of achieving the type of propaganda Trump has acquired.

In the United States, we have freedom of the press which is something conservatives really don’t like. Even with that freedom, we have news outlets that promote what their favorite candidate dishes out. They choose to be compliant. Those who do not cooperate get labeled as “fake news” by the Trump administration and their many sycophants, even though “fake news” doesn’t exist. If it’s fake, it’s not news. Dick heads.

Every cable news network has Trump sycophants on their programs to promote the president’s agenda, and obfuscate, deflect, distract, and lie. Kayleigh McEnany WAS one of these people pimping out the troglodyte agenda. She’s not anymore.

Even though Donald Trump has Fox News, Sinclair Broadcasting (more on them in a minute), his own lying Twitter feed, and every small town daily and weekly newspaper afraid to criticize him (trust me on that), he has created “Trump TV.” These are videos presented as news with bullshit read by Kayleigh McEnany. McEnany is one of those individuals who can’t find fault with Trump. She can accuse Obama of playing too much golf while telling us how Trump’s golfing is making America great again. She will tell you how Trump’s pussy grabbing is great for the jobs report, the coal mining jobs have already returned, Mexico paid for the wall, and that everyone now wants to eat steaks with ketchup.

McEnany should not be a lightweight in the brains department. She’s highly educated. But, I guess law schools can’t teach critical thinking. She appeared on Trump TV the day after she announced her resignation from CNN ending her broadcast with, “And this has been the real news.” Kayleigh, if you have to say it’s “real news,” it’s not news. Also, if the president is paying you to say it, it’s not news. When you’re on the RNC payroll, it’s not news. If you’re reading from talking points, it’s not news. If you’re reporting from Trump Tower, for the LOVE OF GOD IT’S NOT FUCKING NEWS!!!

This brings a couple of questions to my mind. Trump’s businesses are separated from the Trump administration, supposedly. Yet, Kayleigh is delivering her reports from Trump Tower. Trump Tower is part of the Trump Organization. It’s the freaking HQ of the Trump company. How is his business separated from the administration if his business is making pro-Trump propaganda videos? How much is Trump Tower charging the Trump Campaign for rent and use of their facilities? No, the Trump Campaign money is not Donald’s money. Don’t you know he doesn’t spend his own money? How much are they charging the Republican National Committee? How much did Kayleigh get for selling her soul? These are important questions that will not be answered anytime soon on Trump TV.

You may wonder why McEnany doesn’t care about, at least giving the impression she is objective or capable of thinking for herself. You may wonder how can an educated person be comfortable delivering talking points misrepresented as “news.” Or, maybe you’re puzzled that she is so willing to piss away all credibility and objectivity for the rest of her entire life. To be fair to Kayleigh, she never had any of that to begin with.

The Trump sycophants, they LOOOOOOOOOOOVE Trump TV. Go hashtag “Trump TV” on Twitter, read the tweets, and then go throw up in a fern. I have to admit, I am still confused that so many people don’t want to be informed and they would rather be lied to.

It is puzzling why Trump felt the need to create Trump TV when he has Sean Hannity around to eat his meatloaf. Before you argue that Fox News is just one channel waxing the president’s pole, let me stop you right there. He also has One America News, which you have probably never heard of before now, or if you have seen it, it was by accident because your cat stepped on the remote. There is also the Blaze network which is not a channel of strippers, which would explain why you would have accidentally turned on that program. Donald Trump has more than three shitty channels lying for him. Soon, he may have over 200.

What? 200? Where? Probably in your living room. If you watch local news, there is a good chance you’re watching an affiliate owned by Sinclair Broadcasting. Sinclair may own an ABC, CBS, NBC, Fox, CW, etc, in your city, but they control the local news and syndicated programs.

Currently, Sinclair owns stations in over 100 markets covering 42% of American households. The group is attempting to purchase 42 stations from Tribune, bringing its ownership count to 233 stations that could reach 72 percent of American households.

Sinclair claims they have a “hands-off approach” to how their local news stations cover topics and how they report. So, you might think it doesn’t matter that they’re a conservative company if they’re allowing their local stations to decide what needs to be covered. Again, I gotta stop you right there.

Sinclair creates prepacked news segments that it orders their station’s to air during their newscasts. These are called “must-runs.” Not only are they conservative, they’re frighteningly goose-stepping-Trump-loving-right-wing conservative. They are often hosted by Boris Epshteyn, who briefly worked in the Trump Administration as assistant communications director, and was a senior adviser on his campaign. Boris has had the meatloaf. Plus, his name is “Boris.” Kinda makes you wanna throw up in a fern.

John Oliver of HBO’s Last Week Tonight said that Sinclair is “the most influential media company you’ve never heard of.” He ran an episode criticizing the group and presented clips of various anchors introducing the same news story by stating that the FBI had a “personal vendetta” against Michael Flynn, critiqued the must-run “Terrorism Alert Desk” segments as defining terrorism as “anything a Muslim does”, and ran clips of editorials comparing multiculturalism and political correctness to a cancer epidemic, and stated that marriage was a solution to domestic abuse. Oliver said that he “did not know it was possible to dip below the journalistic standards of Breitbart.” Of course he said that before Kayleigh started hosting Trump TV.

Next time someone starts some bullshit about the media’s liberal bias, just kick them in the nuts. Yes, right in their lying nuts. Or, you can deliver my latest newest Spanish insult which is, “Que te folle un pez.” Yes, it’s dirty.

So, now we have Kayleigh McEnany reading off Trump TV. The thing is, you may have already been watching it. Now, you can go throw up in the fern.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Kollege Is Shtoopid


cjones07152017

Shortly after the invasion of Iraq, Vice-President Dick Cheney was asked about opinion polls reflecting that a majority of Republicans believed Iraq was behind 9/11. Cheney said he could understand why people believe that, but he wouldn’t state that Iraq didn’t have any involvement with that terrorist attack. Why not? It’s because his agenda fed off of an ignorant base. Basically, stupid people.

Part of Russia’s meddling in our election to plant a dumbass in the White House required them to spread bogus stories all over the internet, which was shared like wildfire by trolls on social media. It helped that the audience they were targeting were Republicans because that meant the stories couldn’t be too stupid.

They spread bogus stories like the Pope and Denzel Washington had endorsed Trump, Hillary Clinton was a criminal suffering from serious health issues, there would be violence if Clinton won, election rigging, fake ballots in Clinton’s basement, and that Clinton was running a child-sex trafficking ring out the basement of a pizza shop that didn’t have a basement.

When it came to sharing the fake stories, Republicans were useful idiots. Some members of the Trump campaign even shared the fake stories, including Trump himself.

Today, a majority of Republicans believe millions voted illegally for Clinton and that Trump won the popular vote. They probably still believe Obama was born in Kenya. These are the people who put an idiotic, crooked narcissist in the White House.

Conservatives love to whine how the press has a liberal bias. I’m asked occasionally “why are you so liberal?”. My views are liberal because I base them on facts. The press has a bias for facts and the truth is biased toward liberalism. Climate change is real, Hillary won the popular vote, there were not millions of illegal votes cast, Trump did not have the biggest inauguration crowd ever, and Obama did not have Trump Tower wiretapped. Sorry, conservatives. Facts hurt.

Facts hurt so much that Republicans have to make shit up about their opponents like Obama was invading Texas, or that more Americans are uninsured since Obamacare was implemented. If you watch Fox News, read Breitbart, the Daily Wire, Daily Caller, or InfoWars, you will be fed a lot of lies. That’s because facts don’t work for a conservative audience.

A new Pew Research Center poll released Monday revealed that a majority of Republicans think that colleges have a negative impact on the country. Fifty-eight percent of Republicans now say that colleges “are having a negative effect on the way things are going in the country.” That kinda adds up since Democrats capture the majority of college educated voters.

Cost is not the biggest reason Republicans oppose free college education for everyone. If voters are educated, that’s bad for the GOP. The fact that Donald Trump is actually the freaking president of the United States of America is all the proof you need that this is true. Smart people didn’t put Trump in the White House.

My advice is: Read newspapers. Knowing things is good.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $50 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

If You’re Gullible…


cjones07042017

When I heard there was a story about NASA running a child slave colony on Mars, I thought it was coming from the Weekly World News. It sounds like something produced by the same people who gave us Bat Boy and Hitler’s brain in a jar. But apparently, people who get their news from conservative conspiracy theorists have their brains in a jar…or up their ass.

Instead of coming from a supermarket tabloid, the NASA slave colony story came from a source that’s on 118 radio stations nationwide and whose host was told by the president of the United States of America that his reputation is “amazing” and he would “win a Pulitzer in a long gone time of unbiased journalism.”

The Alex Jones Show (the same source that gave us the Pizzagate conspiracy theory that Hillary Clinton’s campaign was running a child sex ring in the basement of a D.C. pizza shop that doesn’t have a basement), gave credence to the NASA Mars colony conspiracy. What is it with Alex Jones, who was recently given prime time coverage by Megan Kelly, wanting to believe in children-sex-slaves conspiracies? He has a really sick mind.

The rumor gained so much traction, which isn’t helped by Trump’s belief and promotion of bullshit, that NASA actually had to issue an official denial that they are NOT running a child slave colony on Mars.

I’m really starting to lose faith in society. It’s like people will believe chocolate milk comes from brown cows, oh wait. As it turns out, there’s a shit ton of people who believe chocolate milk comes from brown cows. Granted, it was an online survey conducted by a dairy council, but it found that seven percent of Americans believe the brown cow story. You may think seven percent isn’t that bad, but seven percent of our nation is over 16 million people. That’s the population of Pennsylvania (which went to Donald Trump, by the way). In the interest of full disclosure, before I moved to Hawaii in 1997 I thought pineapples grew on trees.

If you believe NASA is operating a child-sex-ring on Mars and that chocolate milk isn’t produced by cocoa and sugar, but brown cows, then you will probably have faith that the Republican Congress can be trusted to repeal Obamacare, and replace it….eventually.

The Republicans controlled Congress during the Clinton and George W. Bush years. They never showed any interest in providing healthcare to Americans. During the Obama years, they voted to repeal the Affordable Healthcare Act multiple times, but never produced a replacement. It’s been over six months since they gained control of the White House, Senate and House, and they’ve yet to produce a workable healthcare plan. One might suspect that they just screamed and bitched for seven years without any ideas of their own. Hmmmm.

Donald Trump promised America that when Obamacare is repealed that it would be replaced immediately with “something better.” Now he’s buying into the Rand Paul idea of repealing now and replacing later. Rand Paul doesn’t like the government. He hates government spending on anything. If Obamacare is repealed I don’t expect him to produce any replacement ideas.

The Republicans floating this plan say there will be a deadline to deliver a replacement in a year. What happens if that deadline isn’t met? What coverage for Americans during that time frame? What about Americans lacking coverage when the GOP doesn’t deliver? If they repeal without replacing, they will not deliver. They’ve never cared in the past, they don’t care now, and they won’t care in the future. Repealing Obamacare now isn’t to help Americans with health insurance. It’s to deliver huge tax breaks for the rich.

Another threat from this idea is that we’ll move on from replacing Obamacare, and demand that the GOP have a replacement when they repeal. We can’t let them trick us into forgetting that repealing Obamacare is a really bad idea. They shouldn’t repeal Obamacare at all. They need to work with Democrats to make it better. The biggest problem Republicans and Trump have with Obamacare is that it’s called “Obamacare.”

The sad thing is, Trump’s supporters will believe he’ll eventually replace Obamacare. Of course, they also believe they’ll be fine if Obamacare is repealed because they’re covered by the Affordable Care Act. This is the same group that believes Trump won the popular vote, has the biggest crowds, was wiretapped by Obama, and that Trump will make America great again.

And they probably believe that brown cow Martian horse shit too.

Creative note: Yes, I took the Martian from the Tim Burton movie Mars Attacks. My regular readers know that I have a fondness for inserting movies that I love into my cartoons. Mars Attacks is not one of them. Great filmmaker. Huge star-studded cast. Yet, it totally sucked. Have you ever noticed that the more stars inserted in a film always means it’s going to be a terrible movie? Though with Mars Attacks, I still think the “ack ack ack ack” is funny.

It’s really hard being a one-man syndicate when editors (who receive death threats from Trump supporters) are afraid of cartoons with opinions, while I’m also competing against other syndicates with dozens of cartoonists (who offer lots of right-wing cartoons and the kind without any opinions). So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $50 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Your Reliable News Source


cjones07032017

CNN had a rough week. Three of their journalists resigned last week over a story about a Trump associate and his ties to Russia. The news network retracted and apologized. Conservatives are using this as proof that the mainstream media engages in fake news, especially when it comes to covering Donald Trump.

When someone gives a lecture, scolds the media, and focuses on “biased” journalism, I kinda like it if that person has an understanding of how journalism actually works. For example, I haven’t seen one complaint about the CNN story where the conservative complaining explained exactly what CNN did wrong.

So what did Cable News Network get wrong in their coverage? They reported that the Senate Intelligence Committee was investigating Anthony Scaramucci, a Wall Streeter and a member of Trump’s transition team for a meeting he had with the chief executive of the Direct Investment Fund (RDIF). What CNN got wrong was that they reported RDIF was a part of Russian state bank Vnesheconombank, which it is not. That’s very important because Vnesheconombank is under sanction by the U.S. government. RDIF is “subject” to sanctions from the U.S. Treasury Department. Fine details, but important nonetheless.

Update and correction: What CNN got incorrect, and I repeated was the part about Scaramucci being under investigation. He is NOT under investigation. A representative for Mr. Scaramucci, Arthur Schwartz, contacted me today and asked me to correct it. Schwartz informed me that Scaramucci did speak with the executive of the RDIF “briefly in public at an international finance conference with reporters everywhere.” My apologies to Mr. Scaramucci. He and Mr. Schwartz were very gracious and understanding.

CNN had to eat a lot of crap over the story (and I just ate a little) and apologized to Scaramucci. The Trump team has used it as their proof that CNN is fake news. What they don’t understand is that CNN made a mistake and owned it.

Do you recall the Seth Rich story? Fox News published an article linking his death to sharing emails with Wikileaks. As it turns out, there was no evidence of that. Fox News retracted and apologized. Nobody was forced to resign. Sean Hannity was the network’s biggest proponent of the conspiracy theory, yet he never retracted or apologized. He refused to admit it’s “fake news” and simply said he wouldn’t talk about it anymore. He wasn’t sanctioned, punished, or forced to resign. He got Bill O’Reilly’s time slot.

Every single news outlet is going to make mistakes. Sometimes huge ones. What needs to be watched is how they handle it. Do they admit it and issue a retraction, or do they leave it on their site for days with an itty bitty editor’s note, or do they sweep it under the rug?

Over the past week, the same right-wing nut jobs who faked a bunch of sabotage videos of Planned Parenthood did the same thing with CNN. They got a CNN producer who works on health segments to say the Russia thing was fake. They got Van Jones on camera saying it was a “nothing burger,” a term that has seriously “jumped the shark.” Another producer for their morning show New Day, is on camera saying voters are idiots and the Russian narrative is “bullshit.”

This is where the critics don’t understand journalism. When you interview someone the subject should be aware that he’s being interviewed. The interviewer is supposed to inform the subject who he represents and what he’s covering. Another biggee, Somewhere in the video the guy asking the questions should be identified. That’d be like me drawing cartoons without signing my name. Also, you shouldn’t deceptively edit the video so it delivers propaganda.

So these people who really hate biased journalism use biased “journalism” to attack the legitimate press. It’s amazing that people can engage in hypocrisy with straight faces. That brings us to Donald Trump and his sycophants.

After scolding the press during a White House briefing, Sarah Huckabee Sanders told the press they should watch the sabotage videos and said, “whether it’s accurate or not, I don’t know.”  Seriously. She did that right after scolding the press for not using facts.

Trump is the biggest complainer of journalism doing its job. While he loves to cite fake statistics and just makes up shit, he blasts CNN, The New York Times, and The Washington Post. He tweets sexists insults and engages in feuds with morning show hosts. He posted a video today of him giving CNN a “clothesline.” The clip is from his days with World Wrestling Entertainment (a fake sport). Talk about inciting violence.

Trump hates the press who actually investigates, but he loves the fake media. He retweets articles from InfoWars (who are afraid of gay frogs), and Breitbart (the bastion of racism and white nationalism and where nobody ever gets fired for printing lies). He made the chief of Breitbart his number one political Nazi strategist. Trump has spoken of and tweeted bogus stories from the National Enquirer such as, there are women out there who want to sleep with Ted Cruz. In fact, Trump is buddies with the publisher of the National Enquirer, David Pecker. Seriously, His name is David Pecker. Trump thinks Mr. Pecker should have won the Pulitzer for his fine investigative journalism, and be leading Time Magazine. Perhaps if Pecker was the publisher of Time then they’d create actual covers praising Trump, like the fake covers he hangs in his golf resorts.

Let me finish with a note on the coverage of the White House: Trump doesn’t have to like his coverage. No president does (you know, like saying he wasn’t born in the United States…ahem!). He’s entitled to say it’s unfair. But what is unfair? The reporting has been fair. There is an investigation on Trump’s ties to Russia. In fact, there are a lot of investigations in Trump and Russia. You can’t claim there’s no evidence when all your guys are stonewalling and they keep meeting with Russian spies, then forgetting the meetings ever happened.

Is the commentary fair? No. Commentary is never fair. Neither are political cartoons. When you watch your news shows at night, whether it’s Fox, CNN, or MSNBC, none of it’s fair. CNN has best rounded collection of talking heads, with Trump lovers and haters. If a talking head hates everything about Trump, he or she isn’t being entirely fair, and neither are the Trump lovers. If you excuse everything Trump does or make excuses for it, that’s not fair coverage. You suck and you’re nothing but a sycophant.

Sycophants have no place complaining about fake news.

It’s really hard being a one-man syndicate when editors (who receive death threats from Trump supporters) are afraid of cartoons with opinions, while I’m also competing against other syndicates with dozens of cartoonists (who offer lots of right-wing cartoons and the kind without any opinions). So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $50 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Buy Five Copies For Your Mother


cjones06302017

Newsflash! Donald Trump is an extremely insecure narcissist and touts accomplishments he doesn’t actually have. Surprise!

Trump has been on the cover of Time Magazine a lot. He’s proud of this and loves to make the claim during speeches that he’s been on the cover more than anyone else….ever. He’s so proud of it that a copy of the magazine with him on the cover is hanging at one of his golf clubs. Problem is, that copy is fake.

What’s up with that? Why would he put a fake cover on his walls for tourists and snotty golfers to ogle over? Maybe one of his over-eager employees framed it and put it on the wall to kiss the boss’ ass. Perhaps…..except the same cover is hanging on the wall at not just one club, but at least five Trump clubs from Florida to Scotland. That sounds less like the actions of one eager beaver and more like a mandate.

How do we know it’s fake? The borders of the fake version are unlike the genuine magazine. The fake version also contains exclamation points which Time Magazine doesn’t do. Time doesn’t shout. Trump shouts.

Another reason we know this version is a phony: Time Magazine says so. They didn’t publish an edition during the week that are dated on the Trump fakery, which is what they told The Washington Post. Time has asked the Trump organization to remove the forgeries from their walls.

The fake magazine is praising Trump. “Donald Trump: The ‘Apprentice’ is a television smash!” There’s another headline on the same cover which reads: “TRUMP IS HITTING ON ALL FRONTS . . . EVEN TV!” That sounds like a headline someone would write about themselves. Time has put entertainers of noteworthy accomplishments on their cover. Eddie Vedder of Pearl Jam for instance, but what Vedder and Pearl Jam with their debut album was part of a nationwide movement. Trump just ran a crappy TV show with b-list celebrities.

While Trump blasts the media repeatedly over fake news, he loves to boasts of fake accomplishments. Business success, charitable givings, crowd sizes, electoral wins, great hair, etc. His spokes-sycophant, Sarah Huckabee Sanders wouldn’t comment on the matter, and neither has anyone else from the Trump administration. They have too many other lies to cover for.

Why would Trump need to lie about being on the cover for Time? He’s actually been on the cover, though not every headline is complimentary. Why is he trying to impress people with these forgeries at his golf clubs? Isn’t owning a golf club, or seventeen, impressive enough?

And for the record, Trump has not been on the cover of Time more than anyone else. That honor belongs to another dick, Richard Nixon. Nixon has been on the cover of Time 55 times. Maybe if Trump keeps screwing the nation over he’ll catch up to Tricky Dick. I’m sure his impeachment will make a lot of magazine covers. Trump has been named Times’ Man of the Year, just like Hitler.

About the covers in this cartoon:

GQ: I don’t know much about that magazine but I have the impression it’s read by douche bags who don’t know how to dress themselves and go to nightclubs while wearing too much cologne.

Time: I love political magazines. That should be obvious since I’m in the news business and I’m a politics and news geek. Do they still publish Newsweek? I’m gonna look that up later.

People: My mom had a subscription when I was a kid. It’s a magazine about celebrities and it takes their subject seriously. They’re no National Enquirer. But still, it’s a magazine about shit that’s not important, unless your life can’t move forward without knowing the most recent undertakings of Matthew McConaughey-hey-hey-hey (I got that wrong. He says “alright, alright, alright”). Unless I’m declared the Sexiest Man Alive, I don’t really care.

Sports Illustrated: A great read when you’re in the lobby of a doctor’s office or waiting for your car to be repaired. If you’re lucky, the issue available will be up to date for the 2012 NFL season (I predict a long career for rookie RGIII). Even then, finding an outdated copy of SI is a total score among the stacks of Good Housekeeping and Cosmopolitan unless you’re really interested in why wet kisses make men horny.

Cat Fancy: That is the perfect title for a magazine that’s dedicated to a creature as ridiculous and useless as cats. I had to look up “Abyssinian.” Like I’m gonna know that off the top of my head. I don’t understand why anyone thinks cats are like dogs and that they are interesting…or even matter.

High Times: How can you tell that someone is a vegetarian? They will tell you. They don’t shut up about it and neither do people who smoke weed. Smoking weed to them is a hobby and they talk about it nonstop. It’s boring. So boring. If you’re bothered by me saying it’s “boring” then you smoke too much weed.  I’m fine with other people smoking pot and even told a very ill friend recently that he should give it a try. I personally don’t like it. It should be legal, but it’s boring.

I don’t understand how a magazine can publish every month on the subject of smoking weed. I bet Snoop Dog has been on their cover 55 times. Don’t feel too insulted. Cigar Aficionado is a ridiculous publication too.

I do remember looking at a copy of High Times once in a friend’s bathroom. Frances McDormand was on the cover wearing a sleeveless T-shirt while braless. I can’t remember any articles, but I remember that T-shirt.

Rolling Stone: Not in the cartoon but where I took the title for this blog. It’s from the song “Cover Of The Rolling Stone” by Dr. Hook. Great song that’s really funny with the worst/best guitar solo in history. You’d think it was from the Muppets house band. Also, check out their tune “Sharing The Night.” It’s very 70s cheesy and great with the pervyish “sharing the night together, ah yeah, aw right.”

It’s really hard being a one-man syndicate when editors (who receive death threats from Trump supporters) are afraid of cartoons with opinions, while I’m also competing against other syndicates with dozens of cartoonists (who offer lots of right-wing cartoons and the kind without any opinions). So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $50 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Fine-Tuned Chaos


cjones02182017

Yesterday was a WTF moment for the entire nation. Maybe not for Trump’s more ardent supporters as they wanted the madman from the campaign trail to be president. But this nation can’t afford candidate madman to be president. We need a president.

I’m not just talking about a president who acts presidential. I want a president who is at the very least coherent and stable. At this point it’s not that we need a conservative or liberal government. We need a functioning government. Republicans love to say that government doesn’t work. Donald Trump is working really hard to prove them right.

After the press conference it was reported that vice admiral Robert Hayward was offered the job to replace Michael Flynn as national security adviser, and he turned Trump down. A friend of Hayward’s said he was unwilling to take the job and said it was a “shit sandwich.” Filling this administration with competent people is like finding a head coach for the San Francisco 49ers. Nobody rational wants that job.

Highlights of the press conference:

He complained that the press doesn’t tell the truth. He said the leaks are real but the news is fake. He continued to lie about his electoral victory being the largest since Ronald Reagan. When pressed on this he said it’s what others are telling him. Like the guy can’t Google the information.

He continued to defend Michael Flynn and said he didn’t do anything wrong other than lying to the vice president.

He claimed drugs are as cheap at candy bars.

He claimed he’s the least anti-semitic person you’ll ever see, and the least racist. He took personal offense when a reporter asked him about anti-semitism since his victory and accused the reporter of lying. He claimed the anti-semitism is coming from his opponents disguised as his supporters.

He said if he doesn’t get along with Russia then we could have a nuclear holocaust. He knows this because he gets briefings which tells him Russia has nuclear weapons. He also said he’d love to shoot a Russian spy ship off the east coast out of the water, but that wouldn’t be a good thing.

When asked by a black reporter about meeting with the CBC (Congressional Black Caucus) he didn’t seem to know what “CBC” was. He then asked the reporter if she knew them, as if every black person knows every other black person. He said she can set the meeting up, as if that’s a reporter’s job and he doesn’t have a phone. He’s probably too busy using it to call Putin and sending tweets.

He said Congressman Elijah Cummings was to meet with him but cancelled, probably due to pressure from Chuck Schumer. Cummings later stated that they’ve never had a meeting scheduled and that he’d love to meet with the president. Which of the two do you believe?

He explained what Uranium is.

He continued to attack Hillary Clinton and said he inherited a mess.

He said the Muslim ban had a smooth rollout.

He didn’t deny his staff had been in contact with Russia before the election, but said he doesn’t know of anyone who had.

He said there’s no chaos in his White House and it’s running like a fine-tuned machine.

Trump created more scandals this week by Wednesday than Obama did in eights years. He raised the bar even higher on Thursday.

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