editorial cartoon

Swarming Arizona

Cjones05272021

A lot of stupid crazy shit goes down in Arizona. People look at the fake audit by a fake security firm owned by Republicans and say, “Only in Arizona.” I don’t think that’s fair. Sure, crazy shit happens in Arizona that wouldn’t happen in most other places…but it’s not fair to say, “Only in Arizona.” It’s not fair to Florida.

Florida was doing crazy recount shit before it was cool. Florida is old-school crazy. Back in 2000, Florida upheld the national election and only stopped recounting when the Supreme Court told them too, which made George W. Bush president. Don’t you remember hanging chads?

Arizona and Florida have reputations for not being the best of us. In the excellent TV show, “The Good Place,” the very stupid character, Jason, is from Jacksonville. Jason has quotes like, “Yo, you should listen to me. I came up with hundreds of plans in my life and only one of them got me killed,” and, “I’m telling you, Molotov cocktails work. Anytime I had a problem and I threw a Molotov cocktail, boom! Right away, I had a different problem.” After delivering one of his stupid comments, Eleanor says, “Are you from Florida?” Eleanor is from Arizona. She’s the one who’s most ethically-challenged.

Some of Eleanor’s best quotes are, “Anything she left in your apartment now legally belongs to you,” “Why do bad things always happen to mediocre people who are lying about their identities?”, “How dare she steal the identity I stole?”, “I was a good person for six months. That’s like five years” and, “Ya’ basic.”

But, Arizona…compared to Florida, ya’ basic. Florida has “Florida Man.” Florida has Matt Gaetz. Roger Stone moved to Florida. Donald Trump moved to Florida. Sure, Arizona has Arizona State, but Florida has Jacksonville. It’s said that people move to Florida to die, but they have to lose their minds along the way.

One thing crazy stupid-ass fucknut states have in common is that they typically vote Republican. Crazy, stupid-ass fucknut states were all ripe and fertile territory to become Kool-Aid-drinking Trump cult breeding grounds. Look at Alabama, Mississippi, West Virginia, Arkansas, South Carolina, and Missouri. These states are the least educated and the most dependent on government assistance. But Arizona and Georgia are two states moving away from that.

Arizona and Georgia are two red states that flipped from Trump to President Biden. Florida is a state that went for President Clinton twice, President Obama twice, then Donald Trump twice. Florida regressed. It elected racist Ron DeSantis its governor and his approval ratings are at 55 percent. This is a guy who signed a bill making it legal to run over black protesters. That’s not legal in Arizona.

Arizona is going blue. It now has two Democratic senators in addition to voting for Biden. But Republicans are not going without a fight. They’re doing a fake audit of Maricopa County, the largest county in the state.

A judge gave the Republican Party the right to a recount, but where the people counting are only Republicans. Florida is impressed. The firm conducting the recount is operated by members of the Trump cult and it has ZERO experience conducting recounts or having any business with elections. Oh yeah…the firm, Cyber Ninjas, is from…wait for it…yeah, you guessed it. Florida!

There are all sorts of conspiracy theories with the ballots. China had flown in tens of thousands of ballots to Maricopa County via a South Korean airplane to swing the election for Biden. Since China got involved, they’re scanning them for traces of bamboo (no word on soy sauce). Donald Trump tweeted that the entire Maricopa County voter database was deleted, which was a lie that forced the Republican official leading the Maricopa County Recorder’s Office to speak out.

Here’s a fact: All eight cases brought in Arizona state and federal courts alleging widespread fraud, inaccuracies, or irregularities lost big time. So, why is there a recount? Exactly! Why is there a recount?

Why has the recount been given to Republicans? Why has the recount been given to a “security” firm run by Trumplicans with no election experience, and whose CEO claimed the election was hacked by the deceased Hugo Chavez? Why are they refusing to allow the press to watch the recount? How come we don’t even know who’s paying for the audit? Could Florida have pulled this off? Give them time.

Republicans claim there was election fraud and the count was fake…so they’re doing a fraudulent recount. What’s next? The fuckers doing the fake recount are going to declare Donald Trump won Maricopa County. Remember, the election was over six months ago and it’s been certified by the state and Congress. Joe Biden is literally in the White House.

One of the people doing the count said, “I think Donald Trump won the election—firm believer. I hope we come to a point where we’re happy with the results and truth is told.” She sounds totally non-partisan to me. Another auditor, who was at the Trump-initiated MAGA terrorist attack on the Capitol Complex, is also on these ballots. In Arizona, it’s illegal to count ballots that have your name on them.

We know with this recount, three people are counting each ballot as they spin on a Lazy Susan (that’s like a turntable. I had to look that up). If one person disagrees with the other two, that person is ignored and they go with the result from the two. They don’t reexamine the ballot that’s probably still spinning on a turntable. Remember, all these fuckers are Trump goons.

Republicans think Maricopa County is a domino. After it falls for Trump, so will Arizona, then Georgia, then Pennsylvania, Michigan, Wisconsin, and Nevada. You have to be on the same level of crazy as Marjorie Taylor Greene to believe any of this nonsense, but it’s where Arizona finds itself.

Brood X is coming, but the cicadas are not coming to you if you’re in Arizona or Florida. The cicadas are smarter than Trump voters. They don’t want to go anywhere near Florida Man or Arizona Man. Their asses may be falling off, but they don’t want any business with Arizona and Florida.

After reading today’s cartoon, my proofer Laura told me, “It’s getting harder to satirize these people.” It’s been that way for five years plus. And seriously, how do I top scanning for bamboo?

Cicada note: This Washington Post piece about the cicada’s short life cycle is informative and fun.

Creative note: I started drawing this Saturday morning, but stopped when I got my Matt Gaetz inflatable girlfriend idea. I forgot I had recorded what I drew Saturday, and because I wasn’t paying attention, it was included in the video for the Gaetz cartoon. I don’t think anyone noticed.

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Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have Three copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

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Terrorist-in-Chief

cjones12282020

We still don’t know who perpetrated the explosion in downtown Nashville on Christmas morning, or why. Authorities say it was an “intentional” explosion. Really? Ya’ think?

Perhaps it’s not an act of terrorism and no targets were intended. It could have been more of a statement than an attempt to inflict actual damage or murder. The explosion came from an RV that blared warnings about a bomb before it detonated. 

It could be Islamic terrorists, though no group has claimed credit and usually, they do that, even if they didn’t do it. Perhaps it was a solo suicide by an overly dramatic person.

But did your thoughts go to domestic terrorism? Did they include Trump followers? Honestly, mine did.

Maybe this wasn’t a terrorist attack by Trump fucknuts, but you’re forgiven if that’s the first group that came to mind. The truth is, most terrorism in this nation is committed domestically. It’s not just that it’s homegrown. The people who commit the most terrorism in the United States are white supremacists. I love hearing people who claim they’re not racist, argue in defense of white supremacists. And, Donald Trump’s base consists of white supremacists…and people who claim they’re not racist but defend supremacists.

When Donald Trump gives them a shout-out, they act. They attempt to “liberate” Michigan. They storm state capitol buildings while armed. They go to Kenosha to shoot protesters in the street. They drive vans covered in Trump signs and send mail bombs to media figures. They march in Charlottesville with tiki torches chanting, “Jews will not replace us” and “Blood and soil” before driving a car through a crowd and killing a young woman. And Donald Trump encourages this. From an onion festival to California, to a Walmart shooting in El Paso, to terrorists attacks at two mosques in New Zealand, Trump terrorists leave manifestos praising Donald Trump. Donald Trump’s followers engaged in a plot to kidnap Michigan’s governor.

Since Donald Trump took the White House in 2016, attacks against minorities have risen. Attacks against black churches, mosques, and synagogues have risen.

Another reason you are forgiven if your first thoughts went to Trump supporters is that they’ve been warning about starting a civil war. And another reason you’re forgiven is that Donald Trump has been blaring warnings about this nation being torn apart if he doesn’t remain in the White House.

When the Pennsylvania Supreme Court ruled that absentee ballots could be received up to three days after the election, Trump tweeted it would “induce violence in the streets” and said it was a “very dangerous situation. And I mean physically dangerous.” Officials in Georgia warn he’s inciting violence and election officials are receiving death threats. People with Dominion Voting Systems are receiving death threats. When Donald Trump warns of danger, it’s not a warning as much as it’s an instigation.

On top of everything else, Donald Trump is trying to destroy the nation in a temper tantrum over his self-interest.

And like the RV in Nashville, Donald Trump is giving us warnings of an impending explosion.

Notes on signed prints: Order now if you want to send a print of one my cartoons, signed by me, to a loved one…or even better yet, to a conservative family member who you probably don’t love anymore. They’ll never forget it. The signed prints are just $40.00 each. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal and want to snail mail it, email me (clayjonz@gmail.com) so we can make sure your print gets to its recipient in time. I can mail the prints directly to you or to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have an order of 20 copies of my book (14 are left to purchase) on the way, which I’ll be selling for $45.00 each, signed. Unfortunately, they’re not going to arrive until AFTER Christmas. Don’t yell at me. But you can purchase now, give later, and blame the cartoonist. Tell them I had covid. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi.

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Tiny Desk Donald

CNN11292020

Here’s your cartoon for this week’s CNN Opinion newsletter. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday.

I totally forgot to blog this cartoon last week. What I normally do is give CNN all Sunday with the cartoon then later that night, or Monday…or even Tuesday, I’ll post it on my page. The danger in my waiting is that I’ll forget. That’s why I usually post it on Tuesday. But after CNN posts it, I go ahead and start the blog without publishing, so it sits in my drafts where I never look.

Also, I had covid. I’m blaming everything on covid now. I tripped on the sidewalk yesterday. That was covid. I get dizzy walking down or up stairs. Covid. Often in mid-step on flat ground, I feel like the ground isn’t going to be there and I’m about to step off a cliff to my spiraling death. That’s covid. Why do I think the death will be spiraling? Covid. Sometimes when I grab for something, like the handle on a cabinet door inches from my fase, and I miss. Covid. Did I forget your birthday? Covid. I had coffee burning for 14 hours yesterday and never smelled it which is the stinkiest smell in the world. THAT’s covid. My fantasy football team has lost four straight games and will probably lose today because I’ll probably forget to adjust my roster. Covid. Does my Biden caricature look more like George H. W. Bush. Fucking covid, man.

Leave me alone. I had covid.

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Arrivederci, Cheeto

cjones11122020

The Donald Trump experiment is over and even though it’s been four years, it was a failure from day one.

On day one, the very first thing that a President (sic) Donald Trump did was send his spokesgoon, Sean Spicer, out to lie to the American public about crowd sizes.

The very first official business of this president (sic) was to lie to the people he served about something petty that only served his fragile ego.

Donald Trump has much to be insecure about. He’s not very smart. He’s not well-liked. He’s not a successful businessman. He wouldn’t have ever been successful with women if he wasn’t rich. He’s not attractive. He’s losing his hair. He’s overweight. He’s not a good president (sic) or even barely capable. He can’t grasp facts. And most of all, he’ll never be as good as President Obama. Now Donald Trump has so much more to be insecure about.

Donald Trump lost the popular vote…TWICE!!! He’s only the 11th president to lose his reelection bid (out of 45). He’s the first one-termer since George H. W. Bush. And on top of all that, he was impeached. But bad presidents should only serve one term. Donald Trump was lucky to last that long.

The Trump presidency (sic) has been one of lies, grifting, and corruption. It’s been reported his businesses have made over $8 million from the presidency. We never saw his taxes. It was fitting that he received the news that Joe Biden won the election while he was one of his golf courses.

Now, as a former president (sic), he’ll still be able to charge his Secret Service protection rent, room and golf cart rentals, and for sandwiches from the Trump clubhouse. But, he won’t be able to charge the government as much. And the pandering from corporations, foreign nations, and anyone else who needed to cater his ego for government business will all fade away because now, Donald Trump can’t do anything for them.

Donald Trump will now get a book deal for a book he’ll be incapable of writing. He’ll also be paid to give speeches for people who want to be barked dog whistles in an incoherent manner. That is, if Donald Trump can stay out of prison…or avoid those mystery creditors he owes over $400 million to.

Jimmy Carter has used his life as a former president to build houses for the poor. George W. Bush paints. Bill Clinton has built a massive charity. Barack Obama has worked to inform and build a political base to help this nation progress. Donald Trump will spend his life as a former president (sic) enriching himself. It’s what he did before he was president (sic). It’s what he did as president (sic). It’s what he’ll do as a former president (sic).

That is, until he runs again in 2024. The only thing that may stop him from running will be if he can afford to run. He may have to spend the entire time saving his ass.

And since Donald Trump never had anything impressive to impress us, he had to make shit up, like crowd sizes. But when it comes to crowd sizes, Donald Trump will never see one supporting him as large as those celebrating his ouster.

The entire world was waiting for Donald Trump to be fired. They celebrated in Washington, DC, Los Angeles, Philadelphia, Atlanta, and in other cities across the United States. What may have stung most were the crowds celebrating in his hometown of New York City. Times Square hasn’t seen crowds like it did Saturday since the pandemic began.

When I was in Times Square last June, it was just me, my slice, and some hungry pigeons. There were also some city workers going into the sewers who didn’t appreciate my C.H.U.D. jokes. But on Saturday, it looked like the Times Square of old, where there was NOT a celebration when Trump “won” the presidency. And it didn’t stop there. The party went international.

There were celebrations in London, Paris, Berlin, Edinburgh, Glasgow, and throughout all of Europe. There were fireworks, champagne, and the ringing of church bells. The only cities that were glum about it were Moscow, Pyongyang, and Tel Aviv.

Finally, Donald Trump…we’re impressed with a crowd size in your honor. Ain’t no party like a Trump just got fired party.

Creative note: Since a couple of people have brought up how much work it must have taken to draw this crowd…multiply that by two. After Laura proofread the cartoon, she told me the crowd should be wearing masks…and that I’ll probably hate her for pointing that out. She was right. I hate her. She was also right about the mask. In most videos and pictures of these celebrations, the crowds aren’t like Trump rallies. They’re wearing face masks. When I was in Washington last week, the majority of people I saw protesting on Black Lives Matter Plaza were wearing face masks. So, after drawing all the faces, I had to go back and erase and draw in face masks…then I had to color them.

I actually love Laura but I still kinda hate her.

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Live Blog 2020, Post #12

LiveBlog12

Counting votes does not invalidate the votes that have already been counted. And you can’t argue that counting votes in Pennsylvania, Michigan, and Wisconsin after midnight is fraud while demanding that votes continue to be counted in Arizona. You also can’t bitch about Democrats unleashing their lawyers while also arguing that you’re going to the Supreme Court.

Seriously? We may have “reelected” this?

Ugh. I’m done. Thank you for staying up with me and reading the live blog. I appreciate all the comments, likes, and shares. You rock.

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Find The Thug

cjones06022020

I can’t claim to totally understand race issues in our country. But I understand enough to know that you have to be able to identify racism before you can start to understand race issues.

For example: The president (sic) of the United States doesn’t see his own hypocrisy when it comes to race. He didn’t just endorse white gun nuts storming Michigan’s state capitol building. He egged them on. He tweeted to the governor of that state to “make a deal” with the protesters because they were “good people” who are angry. Contrast that with protesters in Minneapolis. Donald Trump tweeted, “When the looting starts, that’s when the shooting starts.” Those in Michigan wearing MAGA shirts with signs saying they want haircuts, and a few with nooses and Nazi imagery, were “good people” to Donald Trump. Those in Minneapolis are “thugs.”

In case you’re a Republican, “thug” is the new N-word. Oh, wait, if you’re a Republican, you already know that. It’s why you use it so often.

I don’t totally understand looting. I don’t condone looting and vandalism. But I do realize it is a form of protest. If you argue it’s not, then I encourage you to take a history course and refresh your memory on the Boston Tea Party. Even then, the white rioters dressed up as minorities. You’re upset about looting and vandalism but you were also pissed off about the black football player taking a knee. Donald Trump said “fire that son of a bitch.” Donald Trump never said to strike a deal with Colin Kaepernick, who is still unable to get a job in the National Football League.

There is a huge problem with race in this nation. Direct evidence of that is the fact Donald Trump is president. Donald Trump is a racist. If Donald Trump isn’t a racist, then what the hell qualifies as racism?

Over 30 million people in this nation voted for Donald Trump in 2016. About that many say they’ll vote for him again in 2020. People who vote for Donald Trump wonder why racism is problem in this nation while racism isn’t a deal-breaker for them. They wonder why racism is a problem while they support a man who shouts “send them back” to their “shithole countries.”

People say the racist cop who killed George Floyd is an exception. Not all police are racists. We should trust the police. Then, the Minnesota State Police arrest a black journalist (leaving the white ones untouched) then later state they let him go after verifying his credentials. Yet, he was on TV showing them his credentials. That was not one cop lying about arresting a black journalist. That was the entire department lying about arresting a black journalist. The lie was the State Police’s official statement. Tell me again why we can trust the police? They can’t even stop lying during a race riot. Do you want to solve race problems and distrust with the police? Start by being honest.

It took days for there to be charges against the cop who killed George Floyd. Even then, there are only two charges. Black Americans know if the shoe was on the other foot, it wouldn’t have taken days for there to be charges and there would be a lot more than two. They also understand that as deals are made, charges are reduced. As one black American pointed out on CNN last night, A black suspect will start with 15 charges and hope to get down to two. With George Floyd’s killer, he’s already at two. What’s it going to be reduced to?

And you wonder why cities are burning. The entire system is broken in this nation.

Before you can fight racism, you have to be able to spot it. White America is failing.

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New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

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Governor Blackface

cjones02062019

One of the biggest criticisms Ralph Northam received while running for the governorship of Virginia was that he’s too boring. Problem solved. Perhaps he should have been a little more boring during his med school days.

Late Friday afternoon, a photo emerged from a 1984 medical school yearbook that shows a man in blackface and another in a Ku Klux Klan robe. One of the two men is Virginia’s Democratic governor, who was also listed in the yearbook with the nickname “Coonman.” The funny-not-funny thing is we’re not sure which of the two men is the governor. Does it matter?

Northam is a progressive Democrat and many in the state believe his criticism of the Nazi tiki marchers in Charlottesville helped elect him to the state’s top job. He’s spent his political career, which includes a term as Lieutenant Governor, on the correct side of race issues. Northam held great potential for Democrats despite being boring.

Northam quickly released a statement in a video acknowledging the photo and said, “It will take time and serious effort to heal the damage this conduct has caused. I am ready to do that important work. The first step is to offer my sincerest apology and to state my absolute commitment to living up to the expectations Virginians set for me when they elected me to be their Governor.” He didn’t mention any plans to resign.

He didn’t do a Brett Kavanaugh and try to explain it as something that it wasn’t like boofing meant farting and not shooting beer up your bum. Northam owned it.

Even with his accepting responsibility there have been calls for his resignation from the NAACP, Planned Parenthood, the Republican Governors Association, Virginia’s Republican Party, some national Democrats including presidential hopefuls Sen. Elizabeth Warren (Mass.), Sen. Kamala D. Harris (Calif.), Sen. Kirsten Gillibrand (N.Y.), Sen. Cory Booker (N.J.) and Julián Castro, a former mayor of San Antonio, and even singer John Legend.

Virginia Senators Mark Warner and Tim Kaine along with members of the state legislature’s Black Caucus criticized Northam but stopped short of calling for his resignation.

When a Republican’s racist past comes to light, or his present, Democrats always call for their resignation. But, it doesn’t hurt Republicans with their base because their base is just as racist. Democrats and liberals don’t go after the racists with glee and hoping to score political points. They know it’s bad for the nation to have racists in elected positions with political power.

When a Democrat’s racist past comes to light, Republicans go after them with enthusiasm and try to score political points, while ignoring their own racism.

Democrats have to call for Northam’s resignation. You can’t pick and choose which racist behavior you’re OK with. The echo chamber that is the comments under my cartoons on social media have mostly been calls for his resignation. I’ve only counted two liberals among those who believe he should hang in there.

One of my best friends argued by asking if you should give up everything over something stupid you did 34 years ago. Of course not. You shouldn’t stop being a doctor, pilot, or even a cartoonist. But, we’re not governors. If there’s something from your past that prevents people from trusting and following you, then you can’t do your job. In this case, we weren’t aware of Northam’s racist party photo when we were voting for him.

Northam has to resign because he can’t lead anymore. From this point on, he’s no longer Governor Northam and is now Governor Blackface. Governor Northam could accomplish great things and even reach across the aisle. Governor Blackface doesn’t accomplish anything. There are legislative elections in Virginia this November and no Democrat will want to campaign with Governor Blackface.

Northam wants to win our trust back, and he deserves that opportunity, as a private citizen. He shouldn’t be spending the next three years as governor trying to convince us he’s not the same racist guy he was at 25. Yes, 25. He wasn’t a kid. He was a grown man. Northam had the campaign to win us; he’s not to spend his time as governor wooing us back.

As I mentioned, Republicans are all over this while ignoring the racists in their own party. For example, the photos of Northam were exposed by the website Big League Politics, founded by Patrick Howley, a former writer for the Daily Caller and Breitbart. This website is operated by a political consultant who worked on Roy Moore’s campaign, the racist Alabama Senate candidate accused of being a pedophile. Do you really believe these people are out to fight against racism?

I’ve seen posts on social media by Republicans and Trump defenders celebrating the “gotcha” of Northam’s photos. Yet, these same right-wing hypocrites never went after Roy Moore, Steve King, or Donald Trump. They never criticized the Nazis who marched in Charlottesville. They never call for a Republican’s resignation over racism and are always the first to defend them. They even elected Cindy Hyde-Smith to the Senate from Mississippi, after she made jokes about attending lynchings, which is even less funny than blackface. And, Hyde-Smith didn’t make that joke when she was 25. She made it last November and she’s 59.

While liberals may think it’s unfair they have to be better people and live up to a higher standard than conservatives, that’s just the way it is. We don’t want to be like them and we have to present a better example. When a Republican gets caught again, which will be next week, we won’t have any credibility calling for his ouster if we didn’t call for Northam’s. Republicans don’t have credibility. For us, it’s a burden to be ethical. I became a liberal because I like to use facts. We have to use ethics and principles. We can’t Breitbart and Infowars shit. That’s what they do.

When this story hit, I thought I should put it off for a day or so because it was developing. But it just got bigger and bigger by the minute and I realized I’ll probably end up doing two cartoons on it. Virginia is my state. I voted for Northam. I also voted for his potential replacement, Justin Fairfax.

Northam probably won’t survive the weekend. So, Republicans…when you see a photo of our next governor, try not to freak out.

He actually is black.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
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