Dr. Fauci

Bezos’ Randy Rocket


Cjones07242021

Yesterday, Jeff Bezos inspired the world. If one phallic-looking human being can put a phallic-looking rocket into space for three minutes, imagine what non-phallic-looking humans can do. And if any aliens were on their way to our planet while that rocket was…entering…space, they probably turned around.

Sometimes I feel like I’m a day ahead of everyone else…or at least schmoes on social media. I posted a YouTube clip of the running gag in the Austin Powers movies about how Dr. Evil’s rocket looks like a penis. The only reactions it received were, “Huh?”. And then yesterday after Bezo’s rocket went off, social media lit up with, “Oh my god, that looks like a dick.” Maybe nobody was paying attention to what was about to happen until it happened. Personally, if a flying penis is about to take to the skies, I want to know about it ahead of time.

Two things I was very impressed by was the landing of the rocket right back to its launch pad and that the media could spend hours covering it without once mentioning it’s shaped like a giant scrotum. Most men needing to overcompensate buy sports cars, or really large trucks, or a shit-load of guns to strap to themselves so everyone can see their entire gun collection while shopping for dental at Walmart for their one tooth. Most men don’t overcompensate shoot themselves into space inside a rocket literally shaped like a dick.

My colleagues spent yesterday struggling to find a way to put a dick joke in a cartoon that could get past editors. I saw a few good ones that weren’t too dirty, but probably still won’t be published anywhere other than social media. That goes for this one. Editors probably won’t even read this cartoon and kill it just from the image of the phallic-shaped rocket…while running photos of the phallic-shaped rocket on their front page. The only thing more vulgar would be running photos of Rand Paul on the front page.

If Billionaire Bezos really wanted his rocket to look like a penis, it would have looked like Rand Paul. Why? Because Rand Paul is a dick, a wanker, a scrotum face, a wiener, a dork, a froto, a donger, a knob, a tool, a mushroom head, a Mr. Knish, a schlong dongadoodle, a mutton flap, a pecker head, a prick, a ramburglar, a rod, and a walking fuck stick. Rand Paul is a cock. Even Republicans think Rand Paul is a one-eyed-monster with a nutsack full of bullshit.

During a Senate hearing yesterday, Rand Paul once again went after Dr. Anthony Fauci. Rand Paul, a self-certified eye doctor who looks like he cuts his own hair with an angry aardvark clashed with Dr. Fauci, the nation’s top infectious diseases expert. Rand Paul was certified to be an eye doctor by a board he created and stocked with relatives. Jeff Bezos is more qualified to call himself an astronaut than Rand Paul is qualified to call himself a doctor.

Rand Paul has been a conspiracy theorist and covid denier since covid came about. He continues being a covid denier despite the fact he had covid. While waiting for results after taking a covid test, Rand Paul continued creeping through the halls of Congress knowing full well he could be infecting others with covid. As it turned out, he was positive for covid. I told you he’s a dick. Now, he claims he has lifetime immunity from covid and he’s qualified to say this because…he’s an eye doctor?

Rand Paul accused Dr. Fauci of lying about our nation, under his direction, funding a lab in Wuhan, China and it’s gain-of-function research. The man who risked infecting others has a lot of gall accusing anyone of spreading the virus. It’s shit like this that’s why people physically assault Rand Paul.

Gain-of-function is research that alters a disease, organism, or a virus, increasing it’s pathogenesis, making it more transmittable, and increasing its range. The intention is to be able to predict future diseases and to develop vaccines. What Rand Paul was doing was accusing Dr. Fauci of helping Wuhan create a deadly virus on purpose, then unleashing it unto the world. He accused Dr. Fauci of perjury and the murder of millions. Did I mention Rand Paul is a dick?

Even if the virus escaped from a lab, there’s no evidence, and probably never will be, that it was artificially created. But, it’s a juicy talking point for dickhead conspiracy theorists.

What evidence does Rand Paul have of this? None. Rand Paul has cited a study that as Dr. Fauci points out, is about a different type of virus not responsible for the coronavirus pandemic. What Rand Paul is doing would be like comparing Cheerio’s to Fruity Pebbles and claiming all cereal will turn your milk into a rainbow color. If Rand Paul ate Alpha-Bits cereal, it would probably spell out “cock.”

During yesterday’s hearing, Paul asked Dr. Fauci, that since it’s a crime to lie to Congress, if he’d like to retract his statement from a previous hearing where Fauci claimed our government didn’t fund gain-of-research conducted in a Wuhan lab. Dr. Fauci said, “Senator Paul, I have never lied before the Congress and I do not retract that statement.”

Paul kept interrupting Fauci. And when Rand Paul’s time expired and the chair allowed Dr. Fauci to answer Paul’s last question, Paul kept interrupting.

Dr. Fauci did not retract his statement that our government did not fund Wuhan research to create a deadly virus. He also put on the record, “Senator Paul, you do not know what you’re talking about, quite frankly. And I want to say that officially. You do not know what you are talking about.”

It’s official. Rand Paul does not know what he’s talking about.

Dr. Fauci summed it up with, “If anybody is lying here, senator, it is you.”

Rand Paul is lying. That’s what Republicans do. That’s what dicks do. Rand Paul is only grandstanding to the Republican base that’s politicized the virus and has made Dr. Fauci public enemy number one. It’s an added bonus to the racism of blaming Chinese people. Rand Paul is also grandstanding by threatening Dr. Fauci with a criminal referral. What’s criminal is that Rand Paul can call himself a doctor and a United States senator.

I’d like to make a referral and put on the record that Rand Paul is a dick.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are ZERO copies of my book in stock, which usually go for $45.00 each, signed. Another order will be placed soon. You may pre-order if you want. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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The Usual MAGAts


Cjones06042021

One of my conservative colleagues (who recently blocked me on Facebook for asking why he was enabling racists and terrorists) has a new cartoon showing quotes from Dr. Anthony Fauci that appear to contradict. Of course, they’re all on the virus with, “Don’t wear a mask/wear a mask” being an example.”

I remember that. I remember when the scientists said don’t wear a mask and they thought it was more trouble than it was worth. Then as more facts came in, they said for the love of God, wear a face mask. Once, we thought we were mailing the virus to each other. But the thing is, the science doesn’t change. What changes is our knowledge.

Conservatives have been painting Dr. Fauci as a bad guy for over a year, not just because he’s the bearer of bad news but because Donald Trump told them to go after him. My colleague is not an idiot but he’s willing to present himself as one to appease the Trump base. That’s his audience. And like every conservative commentator who supports Donald Trump, he has a base of racists, cultists, and terrorists.

What Trumpers are focusing on is that Fauci once argued against the theory the virus was created artificially in a lab but today, he’s saying he’s not convinced it happened naturally.

In 2020, Fauci said, “If you look at the evolution of the virus in bats and what’s out there now, the scientific evidence is very, very strongly leaning toward this could not have been artificially or deliberately manipulated.”

Now leakers in China have revealed lab technicians were infected in that country back in 2019, Dr. Fauci is saying, “Certainly, the people who’ve investigated have said it likely was the emergence from an animal reservoir that then infected individuals, but, it could have been something else, and we need to find that out.”

Why is Dr. Fauci’s position moving? For one, he’s not a narcissist or a politician. He can move his position, which he’s doing based on science. He can change his mind and it’s his job to tell us what he believes to be true, not gaslight us if more information contradicts previous statements. This is something tribal people don’t understand. If you say one thing, you’re supposed to stick to it until the end of time…like wedding vows or loyalty to sports teams. Or at the very least, when you change your position, deny you ever said anything else. That’s the MAGAt way.

Another thing the MAGAts are trumping about, is that Trump claimed the virus was created in a lab. So now, they’re telling us Donald Trump was right all along. No. He was not. And even if he was, he was only lucky.

When Donald Trump claimed the virus was made in a lab, he did it to scapegoat China and to change the conversation from the horrible job he was doing and the fact he didn’t have a clue on how to deal with a pandemic. He said it without any information. He was spreading hate. He was implying it was made intentionally and sent here to destroy us. Dr. Fauci is not saying this.

In my colleague’s cartoon, he shows that Fauci once said the virus wasn’t dangerous to us…and then told us it was. This is true. But when Dr. Fauci told us not to worry about the virus, he also said it was something to take seriously and to keep our eye on. Of course, my colleague doesn’t quote Donald Trump when he said the virus will “magically disappear” or the multiple times he said it was nothing…or a “Democratic hoax.” He doesn’t point out the time Donald Trump suggested we should all be drinking bleach.

Donald Trump lied about the virus. He admitted to Bob Woodward he downplayed it after he was informed it was dangerous. He left the nation unprepared. His biggest response was to attack others and disregard the virus. Donald Trump let people die. The science points to that.

And in case you’re keeping score, Fauci never caught the virus. Donald Trump did while flouting safety precautions. Trumpers aren’t mentioning that detail.

If conservatives really believed Donald Trump was right all along about the virus, then they’d have been drinking bleach…and they wouldn’t be here to tell us Donald Trump was right about the virus.

Creative note: I feel kinda bad because not only have I done two cartoons with TVs in a row, but I’ve done two with bar scenes. I had this idea before I thought of the one I did yesterday. But, I really liked it and didn’t want to wait longer. Bars and TVs are my sinking ships and cliffs.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have two copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Science Schmience


cjones10222020

Donald Trump has always been at war against facts and science. And even after catching the coronavirus, he hasn’t learned anything from it except that he’ll receive special treatment.

At one of his rallies, Trump was boasting about how many doctors he had while also telling his flock of fucknuts, don’t let the virus scare you. It’s amazing he’s obtuse to the point that he’s boasting about his level of treatment while putting others in danger who won’t receive that same treatment.

You should not take Donald Trump’s advice regarding the coronavirus any more than you should go to him for marriage advice…unless you want a divorce.

In a call with campaign staff on Monday, Donald Trump said, “People are tired of Covid.” That’s true. We are tired of Covid. We’re tired of a president (sic) ignoring it, putting more Americans in danger, and making it harder to reopen this nation and resuming our normal everyday lives.

Donald Trump also said, “I have the biggest rallies I’ve ever had. And we have Covid. People are saying: ‘Whatever. Just leave us alone.’ They’re tired of it.” I don’t know if we should gauge the population by people too stupid to follow the habits of a guy who caught the coronavirus, and doesn’t change his habits.

Then, Donald Trump called Dr. Anthony Fauci and other scientists, “Idiots.”

“People are tired of hearing Fauci and these idiots, all these idiots who got it wrong,” said the guy who ignored his own government’s guidelines and caught the virus.

At a rally in Nevada yesterday, Trump warned his attendees that if elected, “Joe Biden will ‘listen’ to the scientists.” Oh no! An intelligent president. What’ll that be like?

“If I listened totally to the scientists, we would right now have a country that would be in a massive depression,” said the president (sic) presiding over an economy in a massive depression and a nation where over 220,000 people have died from the coronavirus. Fact: None of those 220,000 was airlifted to Walter Reed Medical Center to receive experimental treatment from a team of 14 doctors.

Let’s take stock: Donald Trump ignored CDC and his own coronavirus taskforce’s guidelines. Donald Trump ignored guidelines for wearing face masks. Donald Trump ignored social distancing. Donald Trump continued to hold super-spreader events. Donald Trump’s friend, Herman Cain, died after attending one of these super-spreader events. Donald Trump held a super-spreader event at the White House where over a dozen people caught the coronavirus. At that same White House super-spreader event, Donald Trump caught the coronavirus. As soon as he felt better, Donald Trump resumed holding super-spreading events.

So yeah, it’s the scientists who are the idiots.

Donald Trump can attack Dr. Fauci all he wants, but last I looked, Dr. Fauci still hasn’t caught the coronavirus.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

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A Few Trumpy Covid Roughs


I have drawn seven ideas on Donald Trump acquiring the Trump Virus. I published one early this morning. I’m going to save another for this weekend (I may change my mind), and I’m drawing one for CNN. That leave four I can share with you now.

Check ’em out, Babies.

CNNrough974

This is how a rough works sometimes. I just give the idea of what I want. If I was to draw this cartoon, there would be more Trump quotes downplaying the virus.

CNNrough969

This was the first idea I had. I had around 1:00 A.M. I knew I could do better. But ya’ know what? I wouldn’t be surprised if another cartoonist does this cartoon.

CNNrough971

I’ve seen a few conservative whakamolies say Democrats are rejoicing over this and how heartless they are. True. A few are…but keep in mind, these same conservatives were laughing at the people Kyle Rittenhouse shot and said they “had it coming.” But if anyone should be laughing at Trump, it’s the scientists. Donald Trump said, “Science doesn’t know what’s going on.” Science knows Donald Trump has the coronavirus.

CNNrough972

I am a Jaws fan. A huge Jaws fan actually. And if there’s one thing I can’t figure out is why the mayor was still mayor in Jaws 2.

CNNrough975

Of course I wasn’t going to do this, especially with the F word. But sometimes, I like to fuck with my editors.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Scarfing Some MAGA


cjones04302020

Everything Donald Trump touches dies. That includes the credibility of everyone who chooses to work for Donald Trump.

First off, nearly half the country can’t be believed or trusted about anything. If you know someone who is a Donald Trump supporter, you really don’t want anything to do with that individual. If they support a vile human being and liar such as Donald Trump, they too become a vile person and a liar. No one on the face of the planet has ever been able to defend Donald Trump without lying.

Shortly after going into a business relationship drawing cartoons on topics in a foreign nation, I learned the editor was a Trump sycophant (and this was before the election). Then, I read an article warning against such endeavors as Trump supporters have the same ethics and business principles as Donald Trump. I was hoping he was wrong or at the very least, I found the exception. I had not found the exception. I quit working for that publication about a year ago and they still owe me for five months of original cartoons I drew for them on a weekly basis. During last year with them and receiving slow payments until they just stopped, all I received were excuses, lies, excuses, lies, and more excuses. Do NOT go into any sort of relationship with a Trump supporter. For all you know, they’re stealing from you, grabbing strange pussies, and sleeping with porn stars.

And that’s just people who support Donald Trump. But what about the people who go to work for him?

Did Sean Spicer ever have any credibility? Before Spicer assumed his duties, President Obama’s Press Secretary, Josh Earnest was asked by CNN to give him some free advice. Earnest offered, “Make sure you know where the president’s head’s at because your ability to faithfully represent his point of view is critically important. Honesty and credibility and trustworthiness is the most important part of this job.”

Stop laughing before you hurt yourself.

Spicer’s very first press briefing consisted entirely of the size of Trump’s inauguration crowd. So much for honesty, credibility, and trustworthiness. He was the first of four press secretaries in Trump’s FIRST (hopefully only) term. He ended up on Dancing with the Stars wearing something that looks like it was regurgitated by Ru Paul and is now a White House correspondent for Newsmax TV, a Trumplandian network you’ve never watched that’s trying to outfox Fox.

His successor, Sarah Huckabee Sanders, is now on Fox News and plans to run for Governor of Arkansas. We’ll see how well running in Arkansas works with the Trump stench. It might do very well. But as for trusting anything that comes out of her mouth, you can’t.

Rex Tillerson was the chief executive of ExxonMobil who retired to become Donald Trump’s Secretary of State. While he didn’t have any experience in government service, he was respected as a businessman who dealt with a lot of foreign leaders. When he was fired, the Trump administration tried to humiliate him by boasting they fired him while he was on the toilet. The only thing that helps him from having all his credibility destroyed is that he has never denied he called Donald Trump a “fucking moron.” Hey, now would be a good time to say it again.

Jeff Sessions was a U.S. senator for Alabama for decades. He was the first senator to endorse Donald Trump. He was the first to wear the MAGA hat. Now, after being fired by Trump, he’s running for his old job in Alabama and losing to a former college football coach.

John Kelly was a highly-respected general. Serving as Donald Trump’s Chief-of-Staff, he supported Trump’s racism, and exhibited his own while lying about something a black congresswoman said, insulted her by calling her an “empty barrel,” and later refused to apologize. He also said that many immigrants brought here as children by their parents and were offered a pathway to citizenship through DACA didn’t sign up because they were “too lazy to get off their asses.” It’s safe to say his credibility is gone.

H.R. McMaster was another highly-respected general before he became Trump’s second National Security Adviser. Immediately after taking the job, he was the target of a smear campaign by Steve Bannon and Breitbart, Alex Jones and InfoWars, and conspiracy sites such as 4chan for not being sufficiently loyal to Trump. In case you’re counting, Donald Trump is currently on National Security Advisor number six.

For Dr. Anthony Fauci for whom Trump just swore he was not considering firing. He fired McMaster on March 22, 2018, AFTER denying he was considering firing McMaster on March 15, 2018.

After Donald Trump asked why we couldn’t get more immigrants from Norway instead of brown nations, his secretary of Homeland Security told Congress that she wasn’t aware that Norway is a mostly white country. Her name is Kirstjen Nielsen. Kirstejen. Seriously. That’s like someone with the name Guido not realizing Italy was mostly Italian.

Ronny Jackson’s credibility was never questioned as the physician to Presidents George W. Bush and Barack Obama…then he said Donald Trump only weighed 239 lbs and, “Some people have just great genes. I told the president that if he had a healthier diet over the last 20 years, he might live to be 200 years old.” Today, he’s running for a Texas congressional seat, currently polling in 15th place.

Chris Christie was governor of New Jersey, and whatever credibility he had left after bridgegate was wasted on making McDonald’s runs for Donald Trump as a member of his campaign.

Ted Nugent was a highly-respected musician…wait. No, he wasn’t. Never mind. Before making a speech for Trump, Sarah Palin was a highly-respected…no not her either. Omarosa…shit.

It doesn’t help these career professionals that they accepted a job in an administration that already had the likes of Kellyanne Conway, Sebastian Gorka, Stephen Miller, and Donald Trump’s stupid daughter and stupid son-in-law. Now many of these people are only as credible as Omarosa.

Who’s next? Will we see Dr. Deborah Birx hawking scarves as part of the Ivanka clothing line? Will she get her boogie on competing on Dancing with the Stars? Will she be stuck in a lab researching the existence of cooties?

Before taking on the assignment of Coronavirus Response Coordinator, Dr. Birx had great respect. It continued while she served under Donald Trump. She is in good standing with Trump which means…her stock in reality is going down.

Dr. Birx achieved the rank of Colonel in the U.S. Army. She’s worked as a physician at Walter Reed Army Medical Center in multiple roles, including in research. She worked at the National Institutes of Health as an investigator specializing in cellular immunology. She served as the director of the Division of Global HIV/AIDS for the Center for Disease Control. She was nominated and confirmed by the Senate as Ambassador at Large and U.S. Global Aids Coordinator.

Now, she’s saying people in Georgia can be “very creative” when it comes to social distancing in hair and nail salons and tattoo parlors. Talking to CNN’s Jake Tapper, she described Trump’s suggestion of injecting household cleaning products to fight coronavirus as just him “musing.”

She is walking a tightrope between doing her job and saving lives and not offending Trump by doing something crazy like…stating a fact. It’s very difficult to do your job appropriately while serving under a liar.

But, I think it would be more substantive, protective of the nation, and informational to stand up next to Donald Trump, and just admit he’s full of shit giving stupid advice that can kill people.

And in one broad stroke, Dr. Birx can prevent the death of her credibility along with the deaths of thousands of stupid Americans.

Dr. Fauci will ultimately be fired. But when he is, he’s going out the right way, by being honest. That is his doom in the Trump administration and his salvation outside it. Dr. Birx should do the same.

What does she have to lose?

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.