Debates

Debating MAGA

During the debate between Democratic candidate Tim Ryan and Republican J.D. Vance for the open Ohio senate seat, Ryan pointed out that Vance has claimed Conspiracy theorist Alex Jones is a “credible” news source. Vance lied and said he had never said that.

During the debate between Democratic Senator Raphael Warnock and Republican candidate Herschel Walker for Georgia’s senate seat, Walker lied about being a cop. He’s also lied about how many children he’s had, graduating at the top of his class when he never did graduate from college, beating his wife, and paying for abortions.

During the debate between Democratic candidate Val Demmings and Republican Senator Marco Rubio for Florida’s senate seat, Rubio lied and said Demmings supported abortion “on demand, for any reason, at any time, including the moment before birth.” 

During the debate between Democratic Governor Gretchen Whitmer and Republican challenger Tudor Dixon, Dixon lied about supporting election results after she cast doubts on the 2020 election.

During the debate for the governorship of Wisconsin between Democratic Governor Tony Evers and GOP candidate Tim Michels, Michels claimed that abortions are being committed “at the time of birth” and Evers favors allowing “a doctor to murder a baby after birth.”

During the debate between Utah Senator Mike Lee and Independent Evan McMullin, Lee lied about working with the White House to overturn the 2020 election.

These are just a few examples of Republican lies in debates leading up to the midterm elections.

Republicans lie, especially the ones who tie themselves to the MAGA agenda of fascism. They lie about election results, their records, and their opponents’ records. They will lie about abortion, guns, and climate change. They will lie about the color of the sky if it suits their purposes. And that’s probably why Arizona Democratic candidate for governor Katie Hobbs refuses to debate Republican MAGA goon Kari Lake, who still insists there was massive election fraud in 2020 and that Donald Trump won.

Donald Trump has taught Republicans that they can lie and say pretty much whatever they want. While their opponents and the media will fact-check them, MAGA media will support their lies. Besides, their supporters don’t listen to legitimate news outlets anyway.

Donald Trump told over 30,000 lies when he was president (sic) yet his supporters believed every single one of them. Trump supporters believe he created the Obama economy despite being alive throughout the entire Obama administration. They believe there are invisible airplanes. They believe there were invisible airports during the American Revolution. They believe Trump had the largest inauguration crowd ever. They believe it didn’t rain during the inauguration. They believed his lies about the coronavirus, that it was “under control,” “disappearing,” “like the flu,” and that hydroxychloroquine and bleach up your ass were solutions. They believe he moved a hurricane with a Sharpie. They believe Trump didn’t know about payments to Stormy Daniels. They believe President Obama started the family-separation policy. They believe the noise from windmills causes cancer. They believe he’s the one who got Veterans Choice health care signed into law, and not President Obama. They still believe his big healthcare plan was coming in “two weeks.” They believe he was named “Michigan Man of the Year.” And they believe Trump won the 2020 election.

There are millions of Americans who believe Donald Trump won the 2020 election despite there being zero evidence to support the claim. There are millions of Republicans who believe whatever’s on Hunter Biden’s laptop proves his dad is corrupt, despite the fact they’ve never seen any evidence to support their belief or can tell you what exactly is on the laptop. And there are still millions of Republicans who believe President Obama was born in Kenya.

The most dangerous thing about these lies is that they’re using them to destroy democracy. They’re using the voter fraud lies of 2020 to make voting and even registering to vote more difficult for non-white Americans. Even the Republicans who admit Biden won are using the voter fraud lies to make it harder to vote in elections.

America, don’t vote for liars. Don’t vote for people who are full of shit. Don’t vote for people who are trying to destroy our democracy. Basically, don’t vote for Republicans.

Music Note: I listened to The Cars, Audioslave, and the B-52’s.

Creative note: I didn’t think of this idea until after I woke up this morning.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

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Good

cjones10252020

After Joe Biden mentioned there are over 500 children still separated from their parents, and our government is still unable to find them because of Donald Trump’s separation policy, I could have sworn Donald Trump said, “Good” as a response during last night’s debate.

But, I wasn’t sure if I heard it correctly. So, I hashtagged “good” on Twitter to see if others picked up on it and saw that a lot of people had heard what I heard. I also saw several people on Facebook make the same claim. So I decided to crank this cartoon out quickly knowing that he may not have said it.

Now, I don’t think he said it. I have listened to the tape several times and it sounds like he said, “Go ahead.” Despite that, I stand by this cartoon. I’m glad I drew it and I’m not retracting it. The cartoon is right.

Political cartoons aren’t supposed to be fair. People forget that. Editors forget that. And the reason this cartoon is “good” is because Donald Trump is “good” with the policy that separated these children from their parents. Donald Trump is “good” with an inhumane policy that steals children as a deterrent to other potential immigrants from Central America. Donald Trump is “good” with throwing babies in cages. Donald Trump is “good” with an inhumane policy that caters to his hater base. Donald Trump is “good” with demonizing people. Donald Trump is “good” with building a wall that doesn’t actually stop or decrease illegal immigration, and is only an expensive hate symbol to make the worst of us feel warm and squishy inside. Donald Trump is “good” with his racism.

Last night, Donald Trump said, “I’m the least racist person in this room.” People who say that tend to be most racist people in whatever room they’re in. Usually, after someone makes a claim like that, it’s followed with, “I have a black friend.” Donald Trump is a racist.

Our government has lost track of the parents of 545 children who were taken from them at the border under Donald Trump’s zero tolerance policy. Donald Trump didn’t express any remorse for this. He didn’t say it was too bad. He didn’t say it was wrong. He couldn’t even drum up some bullshit about it being regretful while still supporting the racist inhumane policy. No. Donald Trump said the children are “so well taken care of; they’re in facilities that are so clean.”

My cartoon is accurate and I’m good with it. I’m good with taking down the racist-in-chief.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

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Pence Fly

cjones10122020

If you heard a little tiny high pitched voice during last night’s debate saying, “Help me,” it wasn’t the fly. It was Republican senators going down with this administration. Thom Tillis, Lindsey Graham, Joni Ernst, and Martha McSally, who was never elected in the first place, are all buzzing around Mike Pence’s head saying, “Help me.”

I paid close attention to the debate last night. Kamala Harris was expected to prosecute the Trump administration. Mike Pence was expected to deflect, lie, and be condescending and wormy. And though I tried to pay attention, I lost all focus for two plus minutes of the debate. Why was I distracted for over two minutes? Because that’s how long a fly was attached to Mike Pence’s white head.

I was mesmerized. When is the fly going to fly away? Will it leave? Is it stuck to whatever component Pence uses to fossilize his hair? What the fuck is going on with the fly and Mike Pence’s hair! AAAAAAGGGHHHHHH! FLY!!!!

Finally it left, but before it did, it had its own Twitter account. The internet lit up over the fly. If you run outside right now and ask someone for their first impression of last night’s debate, they’ll mention the fly. My readers on Facebook were demanding I draw a fly cartoon. At first, I thought, “Nah. This is an internet thing and that doesn’t always translate to the rest of the world….holy shit. Everybody’s talking about it.”

As soon as the debate was over, on MSNBC, Rachel Maddow, Joy Reid, and Nicole Wallace talked about the fly. When Brian Williams came in, he talked about the fly. On CNN, Anderson Cooper, Chris Cuomo, and Don Lemon were talking about the fly. Over on Fox News, they were talking about the best pumpkin spice recipes for a brisk Autumn afternoon.

Before going to bed around 1:00 A.M, I knew I had to draw a fly cartoon. It’s funny that before the debate, I was wondering what would come out of it for me to draw. I never expected it to be a fly on a Trump goon’s head.

As they say, flies are attracted to shit. And whenever you defend Donald Trump and the “accomplishments” of his administration, you’re talking shit.

And just as he ignored the fly, Mike Pence ignored reality. Mike Pence told Senator Harris, “you’re entitled to your own opinions but you’re not entitled to your own facts.” He said this twice ignoring the FACT he is the main butt poodle for a man who has told over 20,000 lies.

Just like he tried to pretend the fly wasn’t there, Mike Pence, the evangelical, pretends he’s not goon number one for Mr. Grab Them By The Pussy.

Just as he ignored the fly, Mike Pence ignores the fact the Trump administration throws children into baby cages.

Just like he paid no attention to the fly, Mike Pence pays no attention to the fact over 210,000 people have died from the coronavirus.

As he ignored the fly, Mike Pence, head of the Coronavirus Task Force, ignores safety protocols. The woman he sleeps with whom he calls “Mother,” ignored safety protocols and the debate rules last night by coming onto the stage without a face mask.

Just like he ignored the fly, Mike Pence ignored the rules of the debate, talking over his time limit, talking over the moderator, Susan Page, and talking over his opponent, Senator Kamala Harris.

Just like he ignored the fly, he ignored all respect toward Senator Harris and Ms. Page. He ignored respect for the American people, using them as if criticizing the Trump administration’s failure over containing the Trump Virus is somehow attacking the American public.

Fortunately for Mike Pence, Senator Harris and Ms. Page also ignored the fly on his white head. They also ignored the cold sore around his mouth. Herpes much? Mother should have kept her mask on. They ignored the pink eye. Mother should have worn goggles. Quite frankly, someone should have taken his pulse. The guy looked like death and flies were literally landing on him. Can zombies speak other than saying, “Brains”? Except for this zombie, he ain’t got any.

A CNN poll said Kamala Harris won the debate, 69% to Pence’s 39%. Personally, I think the fly came in second. The worm came in a distant third.

Mike Pence is a coward. Mike Pence is a worm. And just like all members, supporters, and cultists of this administration, he’s full of shit. And that’s why flies are attracted to him.

Bzzzzz.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Coach Rudy

cjones10052020

In an attempt to lower expectations for Donald Trump’s debate performance, the White House and Trump Campaign told us beforehand he wasn’t really practicing. Donald Trump himself told us that answering questions from reporters was his practice. And sure, he’s done plenty of shouting, interrupting, and lying to reporters, so maybe it was like that a little. But I don’t think you can lower the bar enough for Trump.

The bar is already low for Trump. When he gives a speech and says something that’s not entirely idiotic racist, and manages not to shit himself, pundits express what a wonderful speech it was. How eloquent. How presidential. But if another politician had given that same speech, they’d wonder if the speaker had received a brain transplant from an illiterate cow.

Of course the campaign lied to us because Donald Trump did prepare. It’s understandable they’d lie to us on this point because most campaigns do that with preparation. They have to lower the bar. They totally expected Donald Trump to lose the debate to Joe Biden, even though they issued a statement that Trump won and clobbered the former vice president…hours before the debate.

Usually when a candidate prepares for a debate, especially a presidential debate on a national stage, they get someone to play their opponent. Usually the person playing this role is someone who’s run for office before and has debate experience.

Donald Trump went through the entire Republicans field in 2016 with over 20 debates. He debated Hillary Clinton more than once. And…he still doesn’t have any debate experience. He has bullying and shouting experience.

And his coaches for his first debate? The lovable cuddly duo of Chris Christie and Rudy Giuliani.

Chris Christie is a bully. He’s bullied opponents, reporters, and even his constituents. As governor of New Jersey, he would mock and ridicule voters for asking him questions. He would insult them. But maybe they expect that in New Jersey.

Rudy Giuliani is a lunatic. Rudy has spent the entire Trump administration pushing conspiracy theories, mostly those about Hunter Biden in Ukraine…which Trump used during the debate. He was the chief defender on Fox News and Hannity during the impeachment saga. He’s the idiot who revealed there was a payout to porn stars and playmates and even used the word “funneled” when he described it being paid through a secret corporation…as if that is normal.

Rudy would go on CNN and tell Chris Cuomo he didn’t ask Ukraine to look into Joe Biden before saying he asked Ukraine to look into Joe Biden. He would have very public meltdowns on national television.

Anytime someone, like Michael Cohen, would make accusations about Trump, it was Giuliani who would take to the air to not just defend Trump, but spread conspiracy theories about the accuser, like Cohen’s father being involved in organized crime and that he was a Ukrainian mobster.

Rudy also butt-dialed reporters who could then hear him talking about his schemes with his goons…two of whom, Lev and Igor, were arrested. Rudy argued there’s nothing wrong with taking election help from Russians. Rudy said, “Truth isn’t truth.”

At one point, the White House talked about reeling Giuliani in because he wasn’t doing Donald Trump any favors.

Whoever thought it was a great idea to have Christie and Giuliani coach Trump is an idiot. So, obviously it was Donald Trump’s idea.

Trump’s performance was so bad that the debate commission is changing the rules of the debates and…one of the coaches admitted it was bad.

Chris Christie described it as “too hot.” With him being on Trump’s side, “too hot” translates to “holy fucking shit we’re going down in flames.” This is like being on a plane and you see your pilot casually jumping out wearing a parachute.

A White House aide said it was so bad, that maybe eventually Donald Trump will realize it too.

Personally, I don’t need to see another debate of this mess and I hope there isn’t one. As it stands now, there are two more scheduled, not counting the veep debate. I don’t see us having two more Trump/Biden debates. How much more damage is the Trump Campaign willing to inflict upon itself?

Donald Trump has only gotten less stable since 2016. He’s a lunatic. Quite frankly, I’m surprised he wore pants.

Rudy Giuliani once said Trump is owed an apology for the Russia investigation. I wonder if Rudy will demand an apology from America for voting Donald Trump out of office.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

That Mexican Thing

cjones10062016

If you had Googled “whipping out that Mexican thing” yesterday you probably would have stumbled upon some disturbing websites. Today you’ll find the most memorable line from the Vice Presidential debate which was made by Donald Trump’s running mate Mike Pence, governor of Indiana.

He was retorting back to Tim Kaine, U.S. Senator from Virginia, when he brought up Trump’s comments how Mexico is sending us rapists and murderers.

Pence did not fail defending Trump as much as he refused to defend him. When he did he was denying comments he or Trump had made, which were all lies. For this effort most analysts judged that Pence won the debate. The GOP was so excited about Pence winning that they went online an hour before to claim he won. Yes, they actually did that.

A lot of people were sour on Kaine’s many interruptions. Kaine took on the attack-dog role which is a new one for him. His performance gave the impression he had consumed many mochas beforehand, which I can relate to (I’m on my fourth cup of coffee now and I feel AWESOME!). Pence was very calm and patient and never got flustered or took the bait like his boss did. Pence also accused the Clinton/Kaine campaign of being one of insults, which is really hypocritical. Even during the debate Trump was tweeting out that Kaine looked like a villain from a Batman movie. Yes, he actually did that. Trump forgets he looks like he was an Oompa Loompa in Willy Wonka rolling an inflated Violet Beauregarde.

Pence even offered foreign policy proposals that are in direct opposition of those proposed by Trump, such as dropping bombs on Assad and confronting Russia.

Trump’s team will tell him to watch the debate and be more like Mike. They will have great difficulty making that happen, less enough getting him to watch the thing. Sorry, Donald. It’s not a sex tape….THANK GOD!

While Kaine is viewed as losing the debate, he really didn’t. He may have come off as not promoting himself for the future,which Pence did really well, but he gave his team a ton of material to use against the Trump/Pence ticket.

This cartoon isn’t real heavy but I wanted to do something with the “Mexican thing” comment. I also really like drawing Tim Kaine and his freaky eyebrow and look forward to future opportunities. I also don’t mind taking a lighter take with this as the debate won’t move any poll numbers and will be forgotten by Wednesday afternoon. We have another presidential debate on Sunday, more gaffes by Trump throughout the week, and a very dangerous hurricane approaching the East Coast.

I am excited for our future if it includes “whipping out that Mexican thing” in the form of taco trucks on every corner.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Snake On A Plane

cjones09282016

Donald Trump is a pig and a bore.

During the debate Hillary Clinton brought up Trump’s derogatory comments toward women in the past.

After Alicia Machado won Trump’s 1996 Miss Universe pageant  Trump engaged in a shaming campaign against her. He was disappointed in her weight gain and referred to her as “Miss Piggy” and since she was Latina he called her “Miss Housekeeping.” He used her in promotions by making her exercise in front of the media and remarked “This is somebody who likes to eat.”

The morning after the debate Trump called in on Fox And Friends and defended his sexism by saying “She was the worst we ever had, the worst, the absolute worst. She was impossible. … And she gained a massive amount of weight, and it was a real problem.”

We were reminded of his comments regarding Rosie O’Donnell during the debate. In the past he referred to her as a pig and at the debate he said she deserved it and nobody felt sorry for her. I’m sure a lot of wife beaters have used the exact same defense. Trump has also called O’Donnell a “slob” with a “fat ugly face.” For a guy who’ll never be nicknamed “Bones,”  “Sticks,”  or “Slim Shady” Trump sure has weight issues.

He’s denied ever saying pregnancy is an inconvenience for businesses but he’s on tape saying it.

Donald Trump focuses more on his insecurities than he does on the details for the job he’s auditioning for. Not only do I not want the guy in the Oval Office, I wouldn’t want him in my car pool.

Trump’s ego got in his way at the debate which he didn’t prepare for and whined that it was unfair that Hillary Clinton was prepared. Hey, you got the same homework. One of you did it and the other spent his time holding rallies to feed his ego. I’m sure Trump paid “nerds” to do his homework in college and it’s too bad for him that he can’t outsource his debate.

Despite flailing like a sobbing, sniffling child Monday night Trump bragged about the polls that showed him winning the debate. Of course these polls were online polls where the voters can vote, refresh, vote, refresh, vote, refresh, etc. Breitbart is a dandy place to take the pulse of the nation, and yet he still only scored 80%. Perhaps he can get a letter from his doctor that declares his victory.

Trump wouldn’t be complete without the sexism to accompany his bigotry, racism, and all-out hatred.

Would you give an important job to someone with a “no fat chicks” sticker? Then why make him president? There’s a proverbial button in the White House and I don’t want Trump’s fat finger on it.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Trump Poops Out

cjones09272016

How bad did Donald Trump do at the first presidential debate against Democrat Hillary Clinton? The Mexican Peso increased in value by two points. In fact, markets world-wide have gone up in reaction over Trump’s dismal pouty performance. The entire planet is anticipating a Trump electoral defeat.

Before the debate everyone was asking which Donald Trump would show up. The combative crazy Trump or the more subdued kinda-sorta presidential Trump. The Trump we all know showed up. The stupid Trump.

Conservatives were keeping an eye to see how often Clinton would cough or take a glass of water so they could build their health conspiracies. She might have taken a sip and she never coughed. Trump on the other hand was sniffing like a Miami coke head in withdrawal and drinking water like Marco Rubio in a sauna.

When I was a student and performed poorly on a test (which was often), I was never asked by a teacher if I thought I did well. It was always “did you prepare?”. That’s exactly how the press greeted Trump’s campaign manager Kellyanne Conway after the debate who was trying to spin that Trump hadn’t just laid a huge and giant stinky egg.

Trump started the debate well. He had Clinton back pedaling on her flip-flop on TPP where she did lie about her past support. He might have scored a fraction of a point on the email scandal. On the rest of the topics Trump flopped. Before the debate he allowed Mark Cuban to bait him on Twitter. During the debate he let Clinton do the baiting and he bit, again and again.

He said not paying taxes is smart business and continued the lie he can’t release his taxes while he’s being audited. His witness for being against the Iraq War before it began is from a private conversation with Sean Hannity which is like a kid telling his teacher to go ask his dog about eating his homework. He defended his past wishes for the housing market to collapse. He continued the lie that his birtherism was started by Clinton and he should get credit for ending it. He argued for “Stop-and-Frisk” and said immigrant gangs were roaming the cities. He defended himself for not paying contractors and said the country should do the same regarding commitments. He also denied he ever claimed Global Warming is a hoax created by China. He said Clinton has been fighting ISIS for her entire adult life. Did I mention stupid Trump showed up?

Near the end of the debate Trump was asked about his comments on Clinton not having “the looks” to be president which he changed to stamina. The ironic thing is that it was Clinton’s stamina which won the debate while Trump wilted from exhaustion. She smiled, laughed, and was tactful. Trump on the other hand rolled his eyes, pouted, sniffed, snorted, and interrupted. He said his temperament was his best quality while he was being combative. His strategy was the equivalent to a husband losing an argument to his much smarter wife. Being loud and interrupting isn’t always a winning strategy when you don’t have a winning argument.

Trump whined that Clinton has run ads against him and then cried to be credited for not talking about Bill Clinton’s sex life. After the debate he whined more and winked that he’d bring it up at the next debate.

Trump and his surrogates complained that Clinton actually prepared for the debate. That’s like the Carolina Panthers whining about losing the Super Bowl because the Denver Broncos held practices. During the debate Clinton said she did prepare and that she’s also prepared to be president. Trump even claimed his microphone was malfunctioning, which it wasn’t and is a defense he’s played before.

Trump went into the debate with low expectations and he met them. It was believed by many that Clinton would have to devastate Trump to have a clear victory. She didn’t do that but she got the win. Trump hurt himself as much as Clinton dug into him.  It was felt Trump would win if he got through the night without having a stroke or crapping himself. Not sure the latter didn’t happen.

Those who might have had a stroke was his surrogates. Most of my conservative friends on social media were eerily silent. Rudy Giuliani said it wasn’t Trump’s best performance. I saw a few conservatives say the debate was a tie, which is always a loss when said by a partisan. The ridiculous CNN paid Trump hack Kayleigh McEnany nearly had a stroke trying to spin a Trump win.

Trump lied, whined, pouted, and even promoted a hotel. Quite frankly, that’s a lot of shit.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Debate Fact-Check Drinking Game

cjones09252016

I’m sure during the first presidential debate between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump on Monday night that Mrs. Clinton will have two or three instances of making inaccurate statements.

I’m equally sure the only truthful statement by Mr. Trump will be when he says he’s Donald Trump.

I was reading some posts by conservative friends on Facebook today. Mostly they were trolls but they were going on about how Hillary is a huge liar. It’s puzzling how anyone can perpetuate the narrative that Clinton is dishonest while ignoring the fact that Trump isn’t honest on anything. Really. Nothing. Name something the guy has been honest about.

These are the same people who find fault with the Clinton Foundation while not noticing the Trump Foundation has less credibility than a Nigerian prince.

The first debate will go up against Monday Night Football where my New Orleans Saints are playing the Atlanta Falcons. That’s an important division game for who will eventually take second. But I’m watching the debate despite the fact they’ll replay it later. There’s no way I’m missing Hillary Clinton humilate Donald Trump.

The expectations are low for Trump. If he gets through the night without drooling many will give him a victory, but this is not a platform he’s used to. Granted, the Republican debates was an area he had never entered before but that platform was set up as a giant shouting match. During one of those Trump complained about the length of the debate being three hours and then skipped the next one. That debate was with commercial and bathroom breaks. On Monday he’ll be standing against a person who sat through over 11 hours of a congressional hearing. He’ll have to 90 minutes without any breaks going one on one, not nine other competitors. Don’t be surprised if he finds a reason to skip the next debate.

During the Republican debates Trump debated fellow children, none of which were presidential. He argued with Carly Fiorina, Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio, and Ben Carson. It was a nursery school. This is his first debate with an adult.

The challenge for Clinton isn’t winning the debate on facts. The challenge is showing the rest of the nation what those of us who have been paying attention already know. That is that Trump is unfit, not ready, and incapable of being president of the United States. She doesn’t have to mock him or make him look like a fool as Trump will do that himself. All she probably has to do is use Trump’s own quotes against. We already know she’s smarter and more qualified than Trump, which is also a low bar. The other challenge for Clinton is presenting herself to the nation.

Trump has also whined about Anderson Cooper being the host. His issue is that Cooper is a journalist, asks questions, and uses facts. Naturally Cooper is out to get Trump since he will use facts. Facts are Trump’s Kryptonite though they seem ineffective when used against his supporters.

Don’t play a drinking game during the debate where you take a shot every time you hear a lie. New livers are really hard to come by but you could probably buy one from the Trump Foundation.

I stand corrected: A Facebook pal pointed out the first debate will be moderated by Lester Holt of NBC, NOT Anderson Cooper of CNN. Cooper will moderate the second debate. While we’re on the subject, Chris Wallace will moderate the third debate which will be on Fox News. Notice none of the moderators are women?

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Debate That Badonkadonk

cjones08172016

I don’t believe the word “badonkadonk” is one I would ever use in a conversation. “Bow chicka bow wow” however… Naturally I had to look up how to spell both words. Did you know there’s a country song titled “Badonkadonk?” Do yourself a favor and do not look it up. I don’t want to be blamed if you listen to it.

Donald Trump continues to be tone deaf and unrealistic. He campaigns in states he doesn’t stand a chance of winning, like Wisconsin, Maine, and Connecticut. He complains that the polls are turning against him yet he’s not actually campaigning. He gives a speech about how the Democrats are exploiting African Americans, to an entirely white audience.

Trump has called women “dogs,” “fat pigs,” “slobs,” and “bimbos.” He accused Megyn Kelly of having “blood coming out of her whatever.” He kicked a mother and her baby out of one of his hate rallies. He said if his daughter was sexually harassed at work that he’d expect her to just find a new job.

Trump is losing the women vote to Hillary Clinton by double-digit margins in seven key battleground states.

So what’s his next move in this area? Recruit his buddy and recently ousted Fox News chief Roger Ailes to prep him for his debates against a woman. Ailes was kicked out of the right wing news organization after allegations of sexual harassment from former Fox News anchor Gretchen Carlson. Now he’s facing the same accusation from at least 19 more women.

Trump has denied Ailes is helping him prepare for the debate and states he doesn’t need coaching and isn’t preparing at all. He’s probably just planing to talk about his and Bill Clinton’s penises.

Ailes has a lot of history of helping Republican presidential candidates prepare for debates from making Nixon look cuddly, Reagan look awake, and George H.W. Bush appear in touch with reality. Maybe he can make Trump look like something other than a dumbass.

Trump is not doing well with Millennials, Hispanics, Blacks, the educated, people who know stuff, or women. I’m not sure that Trump, a serial philanderer, can boost those numbers by having a serial sexual harasser coach him to beat up a woman.

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Debate Demands

cjones10182015

Donald Trump and Ben Carson wrote a letter together. That way they could put their heads together and include a lot of big and hard-to-spell words. The letter was for CNBC, which is hosting the next debate. CarsonTrump is threatening to ditch the debate and go bowling if their demands are not met. They don’t want another three hour debate and opening/closing statements are to be excluded. CNBC, after wetting themselves, has reportedly met their demands. I think CNBC should have called their bluff. Trump folds for Fox News breaking his weekly vows of never appearing on their network ever again. CNBC should have stood their ground just so CarsonTrump can’t succeed at being bullies. The risk to CNBC is that CarsonTrump won’t show up and their ratings dive into a cellar and resembles their usual nightly ratings. The risk for CarsonTrump is that there’s a bunch of cameras on their opponents and they’re not there to soak up the attention. Now that that’s out of the way, CarsonTrump is right. A three hour debate, which might be necessary when you have eleven candidates, is too long. I’m sure it’s brutal for the candidates but it’s a special unique form of torture to the viewers. While the top tier candidates receive most of the air time, half of it’s wasted on people we forgot were in the race. We don’t need opening and closing statements either. Candidates usually avoid most of the questions anyway and that’s where they can put insert their life stories. Brown M&M’s. What’s that about? I did this for myself. I’m sure it’s going to fly over most heads, unless the reader is wise to rock and roll folklore. When bands play a concert (and other appearance), they have a rider which is a list of requirements the promoter has to meet. There can be some crazy stuff in a rider, which a lot of gets ignored. Johnny Cash included an American flag in view of every audience member. Marilyn Manson demanded Haribo gummi bears and a toothless hooker. Seriously. Motley Crue required a 12-foot Boa Constrictor and Grey Poupon mustard. The Rolling Stones demands a snooker table. What the Hell is Snooker? Hank Williams III demanded a Great White shark and the Bloodhound Gang always wanted a Rhesus monkey. Axl Rose demanded a melon and an Italian leather sofa where he would sit to eat the melon. Britney Spears needed a photo of Princess Diana and McDonald’s hamburgers without buns. Queen Latifah wanted condoms and a bucket of KFC. Katy Perry demands that no one make eye contact with her. Most would require types of food, water, drinks, scented candles, type of rugs, etc. Some bands have recently demanded that all leftover food to be given to a homeless shelter. That’s nice. Right now some homeless guy in Akron might be eating an unfinished sandwich left by the Goo Goo Dolls. The band that started it all was Van Halen. Van Halen had serious pull during the late 70’s and 80’s as well they should. They rocked with a swagger other bands could only copy. Their most famous demand was no brown M&M’s. Why would they make that strange weird demand? Should we debate whether or not all M&M’s taste the same, no matter which colored candy shell you get? These riders could get really thick. So thick most promoters didn’t bother reading them all. Tell Marilyn Manson to find his own toothless hooker. But in addition to Boas, monkeys, Eminem’s Koi Gold fish, and Prince’s sandwiches wrapped in clear plastic that only he could unwrap, there were actually some serious stuff in these riders. A lot dealt with safety requirements so a roadie wouldn’t get electrocuted, get hurt loading in or fall of a rafter. So Van Halen included the no Brown M&M’s clause. If they found Brown in their candy then they knew the promoter didn’t read the entire rider and may have ignored a more serious demand. Or the promoter didn’t give a rat’s ass about their M&M’s demand. Anyway, the more you know, right? Now I really want some M&M’s. Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. The starving cartoonist appreciates it.