Debates

That Mexican Thing


cjones10062016

If you had Googled “whipping out that Mexican thing” yesterday you probably would have stumbled upon some disturbing websites. Today you’ll find the most memorable line from the Vice Presidential debate which was made by Donald Trump’s running mate Mike Pence, governor of Indiana.

He was retorting back to Tim Kaine, U.S. Senator from Virginia, when he brought up Trump’s comments how Mexico is sending us rapists and murderers.

Pence did not fail defending Trump as much as he refused to defend him. When he did he was denying comments he or Trump had made, which were all lies. For this effort most analysts judged that Pence won the debate. The GOP was so excited about Pence winning that they went online an hour before to claim he won. Yes, they actually did that.

A lot of people were sour on Kaine’s many interruptions. Kaine took on the attack-dog role which is a new one for him. His performance gave the impression he had consumed many mochas beforehand, which I can relate to (I’m on my fourth cup of coffee now and I feel AWESOME!). Pence was very calm and patient and never got flustered or took the bait like his boss did. Pence also accused the Clinton/Kaine campaign of being one of insults, which is really hypocritical. Even during the debate Trump was tweeting out that Kaine looked like a villain from a Batman movie. Yes, he actually did that. Trump forgets he looks like he was an Oompa Loompa in Willy Wonka rolling an inflated Violet Beauregarde.

Pence even offered foreign policy proposals that are in direct opposition of those proposed by Trump, such as dropping bombs on Assad and confronting Russia.

Trump’s team will tell him to watch the debate and be more like Mike. They will have great difficulty making that happen, less enough getting him to watch the thing. Sorry, Donald. It’s not a sex tape….THANK GOD!

While Kaine is viewed as losing the debate, he really didn’t. He may have come off as not promoting himself for the future,which Pence did really well, but he gave his team a ton of material to use against the Trump/Pence ticket.

This cartoon isn’t real heavy but I wanted to do something with the “Mexican thing” comment. I also really like drawing Tim Kaine and his freaky eyebrow and look forward to future opportunities. I also don’t mind taking a lighter take with this as the debate won’t move any poll numbers and will be forgotten by Wednesday afternoon. We have another presidential debate on Sunday, more gaffes by Trump throughout the week, and a very dangerous hurricane approaching the East Coast.

I am excited for our future if it includes “whipping out that Mexican thing” in the form of taco trucks on every corner.

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Snake On A Plane


cjones09282016

Donald Trump is a pig and a bore.

During the debate Hillary Clinton brought up Trump’s derogatory comments toward women in the past.

After Alicia Machado won Trump’s 1996 Miss Universe pageant  Trump engaged in a shaming campaign against her. He was disappointed in her weight gain and referred to her as “Miss Piggy” and since she was Latina he called her “Miss Housekeeping.” He used her in promotions by making her exercise in front of the media and remarked “This is somebody who likes to eat.”

The morning after the debate Trump called in on Fox And Friends and defended his sexism by saying “She was the worst we ever had, the worst, the absolute worst. She was impossible. … And she gained a massive amount of weight, and it was a real problem.”

We were reminded of his comments regarding Rosie O’Donnell during the debate. In the past he referred to her as a pig and at the debate he said she deserved it and nobody felt sorry for her. I’m sure a lot of wife beaters have used the exact same defense. Trump has also called O’Donnell a “slob” with a “fat ugly face.” For a guy who’ll never be nicknamed “Bones,”  “Sticks,”  or “Slim Shady” Trump sure has weight issues.

He’s denied ever saying pregnancy is an inconvenience for businesses but he’s on tape saying it.

Donald Trump focuses more on his insecurities than he does on the details for the job he’s auditioning for. Not only do I not want the guy in the Oval Office, I wouldn’t want him in my car pool.

Trump’s ego got in his way at the debate which he didn’t prepare for and whined that it was unfair that Hillary Clinton was prepared. Hey, you got the same homework. One of you did it and the other spent his time holding rallies to feed his ego. I’m sure Trump paid “nerds” to do his homework in college and it’s too bad for him that he can’t outsource his debate.

Despite flailing like a sobbing, sniffling child Monday night Trump bragged about the polls that showed him winning the debate. Of course these polls were online polls where the voters can vote, refresh, vote, refresh, vote, refresh, etc. Breitbart is a dandy place to take the pulse of the nation, and yet he still only scored 80%. Perhaps he can get a letter from his doctor that declares his victory.

Trump wouldn’t be complete without the sexism to accompany his bigotry, racism, and all-out hatred.

Would you give an important job to someone with a “no fat chicks” sticker? Then why make him president? There’s a proverbial button in the White House and I don’t want Trump’s fat finger on it.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Trump Poops Out


cjones09272016

How bad did Donald Trump do at the first presidential debate against Democrat Hillary Clinton? The Mexican Peso increased in value by two points. In fact, markets world-wide have gone up in reaction over Trump’s dismal pouty performance. The entire planet is anticipating a Trump electoral defeat.

Before the debate everyone was asking which Donald Trump would show up. The combative crazy Trump or the more subdued kinda-sorta presidential Trump. The Trump we all know showed up. The stupid Trump.

Conservatives were keeping an eye to see how often Clinton would cough or take a glass of water so they could build their health conspiracies. She might have taken a sip and she never coughed. Trump on the other hand was sniffing like a Miami coke head in withdrawal and drinking water like Marco Rubio in a sauna.

When I was a student and performed poorly on a test (which was often), I was never asked by a teacher if I thought I did well. It was always “did you prepare?”. That’s exactly how the press greeted Trump’s campaign manager Kellyanne Conway after the debate who was trying to spin that Trump hadn’t just laid a huge and giant stinky egg.

Trump started the debate well. He had Clinton back pedaling on her flip-flop on TPP where she did lie about her past support. He might have scored a fraction of a point on the email scandal. On the rest of the topics Trump flopped. Before the debate he allowed Mark Cuban to bait him on Twitter. During the debate he let Clinton do the baiting and he bit, again and again.

He said not paying taxes is smart business and continued the lie he can’t release his taxes while he’s being audited. His witness for being against the Iraq War before it began is from a private conversation with Sean Hannity which is like a kid telling his teacher to go ask his dog about eating his homework. He defended his past wishes for the housing market to collapse. He continued the lie that his birtherism was started by Clinton and he should get credit for ending it. He argued for “Stop-and-Frisk” and said immigrant gangs were roaming the cities. He defended himself for not paying contractors and said the country should do the same regarding commitments. He also denied he ever claimed Global Warming is a hoax created by China. He said Clinton has been fighting ISIS for her entire adult life. Did I mention stupid Trump showed up?

Near the end of the debate Trump was asked about his comments on Clinton not having “the looks” to be president which he changed to stamina. The ironic thing is that it was Clinton’s stamina which won the debate while Trump wilted from exhaustion. She smiled, laughed, and was tactful. Trump on the other hand rolled his eyes, pouted, sniffed, snorted, and interrupted. He said his temperament was his best quality while he was being combative. His strategy was the equivalent to a husband losing an argument to his much smarter wife. Being loud and interrupting isn’t always a winning strategy when you don’t have a winning argument.

Trump whined that Clinton has run ads against him and then cried to be credited for not talking about Bill Clinton’s sex life. After the debate he whined more and winked that he’d bring it up at the next debate.

Trump and his surrogates complained that Clinton actually prepared for the debate. That’s like the Carolina Panthers whining about losing the Super Bowl because the Denver Broncos held practices. During the debate Clinton said she did prepare and that she’s also prepared to be president. Trump even claimed his microphone was malfunctioning, which it wasn’t and is a defense he’s played before.

Trump went into the debate with low expectations and he met them. It was believed by many that Clinton would have to devastate Trump to have a clear victory. She didn’t do that but she got the win. Trump hurt himself as much as Clinton dug into him.  It was felt Trump would win if he got through the night without having a stroke or crapping himself. Not sure the latter didn’t happen.

Those who might have had a stroke was his surrogates. Most of my conservative friends on social media were eerily silent. Rudy Giuliani said it wasn’t Trump’s best performance. I saw a few conservatives say the debate was a tie, which is always a loss when said by a partisan. The ridiculous CNN paid Trump hack Kayleigh McEnany nearly had a stroke trying to spin a Trump win.

Trump lied, whined, pouted, and even promoted a hotel. Quite frankly, that’s a lot of shit.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Debate Fact-Check Drinking Game


cjones09252016

I’m sure during the first presidential debate between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump on Monday night that Mrs. Clinton will have two or three instances of making inaccurate statements.

I’m equally sure the only truthful statement by Mr. Trump will be when he says he’s Donald Trump.

I was reading some posts by conservative friends on Facebook today. Mostly they were trolls but they were going on about how Hillary is a huge liar. It’s puzzling how anyone can perpetuate the narrative that Clinton is dishonest while ignoring the fact that Trump isn’t honest on anything. Really. Nothing. Name something the guy has been honest about.

These are the same people who find fault with the Clinton Foundation while not noticing the Trump Foundation has less credibility than a Nigerian prince.

The first debate will go up against Monday Night Football where my New Orleans Saints are playing the Atlanta Falcons. That’s an important division game for who will eventually take second. But I’m watching the debate despite the fact they’ll replay it later. There’s no way I’m missing Hillary Clinton humilate Donald Trump.

The expectations are low for Trump. If he gets through the night without drooling many will give him a victory, but this is not a platform he’s used to. Granted, the Republican debates was an area he had never entered before but that platform was set up as a giant shouting match. During one of those Trump complained about the length of the debate being three hours and then skipped the next one. That debate was with commercial and bathroom breaks. On Monday he’ll be standing against a person who sat through over 11 hours of a congressional hearing. He’ll have to 90 minutes without any breaks going one on one, not nine other competitors. Don’t be surprised if he finds a reason to skip the next debate.

During the Republican debates Trump debated fellow children, none of which were presidential. He argued with Carly Fiorina, Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio, and Ben Carson. It was a nursery school. This is his first debate with an adult.

The challenge for Clinton isn’t winning the debate on facts. The challenge is showing the rest of the nation what those of us who have been paying attention already know. That is that Trump is unfit, not ready, and incapable of being president of the United States. She doesn’t have to mock him or make him look like a fool as Trump will do that himself. All she probably has to do is use Trump’s own quotes against. We already know she’s smarter and more qualified than Trump, which is also a low bar. The other challenge for Clinton is presenting herself to the nation.

Trump has also whined about Anderson Cooper being the host. His issue is that Cooper is a journalist, asks questions, and uses facts. Naturally Cooper is out to get Trump since he will use facts. Facts are Trump’s Kryptonite though they seem ineffective when used against his supporters.

Don’t play a drinking game during the debate where you take a shot every time you hear a lie. New livers are really hard to come by but you could probably buy one from the Trump Foundation.

I stand corrected: A Facebook pal pointed out the first debate will be moderated by Lester Holt of NBC, NOT Anderson Cooper of CNN. Cooper will moderate the second debate. While we’re on the subject, Chris Wallace will moderate the third debate which will be on Fox News. Notice none of the moderators are women?

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Debate That Badonkadonk


cjones08172016

I don’t believe the word “badonkadonk” is one I would ever use in a conversation. “Bow chicka bow wow” however… Naturally I had to look up how to spell both words. Did you know there’s a country song titled “Badonkadonk?” Do yourself a favor and do not look it up. I don’t want to be blamed if you listen to it.

Donald Trump continues to be tone deaf and unrealistic. He campaigns in states he doesn’t stand a chance of winning, like Wisconsin, Maine, and Connecticut. He complains that the polls are turning against him yet he’s not actually campaigning. He gives a speech about how the Democrats are exploiting African Americans, to an entirely white audience.

Trump has called women “dogs,” “fat pigs,” “slobs,” and “bimbos.” He accused Megyn Kelly of having “blood coming out of her whatever.” He kicked a mother and her baby out of one of his hate rallies. He said if his daughter was sexually harassed at work that he’d expect her to just find a new job.

Trump is losing the women vote to Hillary Clinton by double-digit margins in seven key battleground states.

So what’s his next move in this area? Recruit his buddy and recently ousted Fox News chief Roger Ailes to prep him for his debates against a woman. Ailes was kicked out of the right wing news organization after allegations of sexual harassment from former Fox News anchor Gretchen Carlson. Now he’s facing the same accusation from at least 19 more women.

Trump has denied Ailes is helping him prepare for the debate and states he doesn’t need coaching and isn’t preparing at all. He’s probably just planing to talk about his and Bill Clinton’s penises.

Ailes has a lot of history of helping Republican presidential candidates prepare for debates from making Nixon look cuddly, Reagan look awake, and George H.W. Bush appear in touch with reality. Maybe he can make Trump look like something other than a dumbass.

Trump is not doing well with Millennials, Hispanics, Blacks, the educated, people who know stuff, or women. I’m not sure that Trump, a serial philanderer, can boost those numbers by having a serial sexual harasser coach him to beat up a woman.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Debate Demands


cjones10182015

Donald Trump and Ben Carson wrote a letter together. That way they could put their heads together and include a lot of big and hard-to-spell words. The letter was for CNBC, which is hosting the next debate. CarsonTrump is threatening to ditch the debate and go bowling if their demands are not met. They don’t want another three hour debate and opening/closing statements are to be excluded. CNBC, after wetting themselves, has reportedly met their demands. I think CNBC should have called their bluff. Trump folds for Fox News breaking his weekly vows of never appearing on their network ever again. CNBC should have stood their ground just so CarsonTrump can’t succeed at being bullies. The risk to CNBC is that CarsonTrump won’t show up and their ratings dive into a cellar and resembles their usual nightly ratings. The risk for CarsonTrump is that there’s a bunch of cameras on their opponents and they’re not there to soak up the attention. Now that that’s out of the way, CarsonTrump is right. A three hour debate, which might be necessary when you have eleven candidates, is too long. I’m sure it’s brutal for the candidates but it’s a special unique form of torture to the viewers. While the top tier candidates receive most of the air time, half of it’s wasted on people we forgot were in the race. We don’t need opening and closing statements either. Candidates usually avoid most of the questions anyway and that’s where they can put insert their life stories. Brown M&M’s. What’s that about? I did this for myself. I’m sure it’s going to fly over most heads, unless the reader is wise to rock and roll folklore. When bands play a concert (and other appearance), they have a rider which is a list of requirements the promoter has to meet. There can be some crazy stuff in a rider, which a lot of gets ignored. Johnny Cash included an American flag in view of every audience member. Marilyn Manson demanded Haribo gummi bears and a toothless hooker. Seriously. Motley Crue required a 12-foot Boa Constrictor and Grey Poupon mustard. The Rolling Stones demands a snooker table. What the Hell is Snooker? Hank Williams III demanded a Great White shark and the Bloodhound Gang always wanted a Rhesus monkey. Axl Rose demanded a melon and an Italian leather sofa where he would sit to eat the melon. Britney Spears needed a photo of Princess Diana and McDonald’s hamburgers without buns. Queen Latifah wanted condoms and a bucket of KFC. Katy Perry demands that no one make eye contact with her. Most would require types of food, water, drinks, scented candles, type of rugs, etc. Some bands have recently demanded that all leftover food to be given to a homeless shelter. That’s nice. Right now some homeless guy in Akron might be eating an unfinished sandwich left by the Goo Goo Dolls. The band that started it all was Van Halen. Van Halen had serious pull during the late 70’s and 80’s as well they should. They rocked with a swagger other bands could only copy. Their most famous demand was no brown M&M’s. Why would they make that strange weird demand? Should we debate whether or not all M&M’s taste the same, no matter which colored candy shell you get? These riders could get really thick. So thick most promoters didn’t bother reading them all. Tell Marilyn Manson to find his own toothless hooker. But in addition to Boas, monkeys, Eminem’s Koi Gold fish, and Prince’s sandwiches wrapped in clear plastic that only he could unwrap, there were actually some serious stuff in these riders. A lot dealt with safety requirements so a roadie wouldn’t get electrocuted, get hurt loading in or fall of a rafter. So Van Halen included the no Brown M&M’s clause. If they found Brown in their candy then they knew the promoter didn’t read the entire rider and may have ignored a more serious demand. Or the promoter didn’t give a rat’s ass about their M&M’s demand. Anyway, the more you know, right? Now I really want some M&M’s. Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. The starving cartoonist appreciates it.

Who’s Excited For The GOP Debate?


cjones08022015

I had a tough time with this angle. I penciled and erased four or five times. I’m surprised I didn’t ruin the paper. Then I took a ball point and drew it in my notebook and it turned out how I wanted. Sheesh. I went from there.

I drew too many cartoons this week. Not really, but more than required. I promise my syndication clients four a week. I gave them seven. I also drew custom cartoons for The Independent in St. George, Utah (that will run Sunday) and The Daily Dot (which was my last cartoon for The Daily Dot).

I don’t think I’m just giving my clients quantity here. Sometimes I can’t stop drawing. I really don’t have anything else to do other than play with the Beagle and my guitars. I’d rather draw cartoons than feed the trolls on social media.

I might take tomorrow off.