Cartoon

Gassy Republicans

Cjones05152021

While chomping on some two dollar street tacos last night at a nearby Mexican restaurant, I was thinking about the gas shortage. It’s the thing everyone is talking. A couple of guys near me and the bartender were talking about how bad the lines were getting here locally, despite the fact there really isn’t a gas shortage.

DarkSide, a brand new criminal gang from Russia that may be Eddie and the Cruisers or Darth Vader fans, conducted a ransomware hack into Colonial Pipeline, which flows nearly half the gasoline for the eastern United States. Immediately, people started freaking out and forming long lines at gas stations, filling tanks, cans, and even barrels (one photo circulated of someone putting extra gas into freezer bags).

Immediately, conservatives started blaming President Biden, comparing him to President Carter, and demanded that our nation have energy independence.

There was a supposed gas shortage in 1979 due to the Iranian Revolution. Gas prices shot up here in the United States despite the fact at the time, we only got five percent of our oil supply from Iran. We were exporting more oil in 1979 than importing (In case you’re a Republican, “export” is when you send out and “import” is when you bring it in). Global supplies only decreased by four percent. It’s funny Republicans are mentioning Jimmy Carter when talking about a 1970s gas shortage, because it also happened in 1973 (In case you’re a Republican, 1973 was in the 70s) when Richard Nixon, a Republican, was president. This was due to an embargo by OPEC, holding up oil imports to nations supportive of Israel in the Yom Kippur War. Because we did not have energy independence, we had long gas lines. Oil shot up from $3.00 a barrel to $12.00 a barrel. Today, oil is around $64.00 a barrel.

According to yokels on social media, gas went up ten cents a gallon at the pump yesterday. Let’s say your car can hold up to 13 gallons of gas. In case you’re a Republican, that would add up to $1.30 more than you would normally pay.

In 1990, oil prices shot up from $17.00 a barrel to $36.00 after Saddam Hussein invaded fellow OPEC member Kuwait. Oil production did decrease but we never had an actual shortage. Western oil companies should have sent Saddam thank-you cards and bouquets for that one. And while we didn’t actually run out of gas, the short spike in prices contributed to the recession that made George H.W. Bush a one-term president. Maybe Bill Clinton should have sent Saddam a bouquet.

Now it’s happening again. People are freaking out over this hack even though oil hasn’t been disrupted. There is no shortage and there is no decrease in the flow along the eastern seaboard. But people are rushing out to make gas 2021’s toilet paper.

If only we had energy independence. Oh, wait. We do. Don’t you Republicans remember praising Donald Trump for making us energy independent? That means we get most of our energy from ourselves. Even before we achieved independence from foreign nations, we received very little oil from the Middle East. Most of it came from Canada. But Donald Trump was taking credit for making us energy independent and the GOP was heaping praise on him for it. Only thing is, we achieved energy independence during the Obama administration. Whoops. But that’s OK. Republicans LOVE taking credit from a Democrat and giving it to a stupid racist Republican who can’t spell “energy independence.”

Hey, Republicans. Another good way to achieve energy independence would be to decrease our need for oil. We could always increase green energy and all start using electric cars. I know. You still think wind turbines freeze in Texas. But wouldn’t your monster truck look badass with a wind turbine mounted on the hood?

It’s also funny Republicans are blaming President Biden. While Obama was president, Republicans were critical of him because they thought he was slow cleaning up their economic mess. How many times did you hear, “Slowest recovery ever” from the Party of No? Then, Trump waddles into office, with help from Russia, and Republicans start talking about the “economic miracle” he inherited. Except, they never mentioned he inherited it. Then, Trump watched the economy tank from a pandemic he politicized.

Now, Republicans are blaming President Biden for Trump’s mess. They’re screaming about jobs and inflation, a situation that started under Trump. And they get to go after him for long gas lines from a hack inflicted by Donald Trump’s friends. Somebody should call Donald Trump and ask him if he sent the hackers…because he has a history of sending goons to attack the United States.

Republicans probably don’t have time to ask Donald Trump about sending more terrorists to attack our nation because they’re too busy destroying Liz Cheney for criticizing Donald Trump for sending terrorists to attack our nation.

There’s also irony in that Liz Cheney is being punished for taking a stand, stating the truth that the election wasn’t stolen, and the Republicans are doing it with a secret vote because they’re all too cowardly to take a public stand.

People, these gas lines will be gone next week. There is not a gas shortage. But, if you run out of gas, there is a real problem because there are fuckers out there stocking up for a shortage that doesn’t exist. How much are you willing to bet that the people hoarding gas, filling tanks, barrels, cans, and even Ziploc guy, are all Republicans?

Creative note: Last week, my first idea on Liz Cheney involved her being burned at the stake. Then I realized, other cartoonists would do that same idea. It’s kinda lame. And then, other cartoonists did the same idea. They also had her hanging on walls and walking planks. It’s why I don’t go with my first idea. Then last night, I thought this would turn the burning-at-the-stake idea on its head.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have Three copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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Follow The Drip

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Yesterday, Rudy Giuliani was nominated for a Razzie Award for his appearance in the second Borat film. It was for the scene where he takes what he believes is an underage girl from Kazakhstan into a hotel room for drinks, lies down on a bed, and sticks his hand down his pants.

One of Rudy’s competitors for the award is Bruce Willis for three films he was somehow able to make during a pandemic that I’ve never heard of. But I heard of Rudy’s performance. What’s worse is I saw it. Ew.

Rudy should win a Razzie, but not for any performance in a movie…and not even for worst hair style. He should win a Razzie for worst American (though he has lots of Republican competition for that one), or maybe best collusion with a foreign government attempting to interfere in a U.S. election.

Just like all those seditious white nationalist terrorists who attacked the U.S. Capitol in a bloody coup attempt for Donald Trump, Rudy Giuliani has betrayed democracy and the United States. The man who supposedly became “America’s mayor” for his response to a terrorist attack has become the mayor who enabled a terrorist attack.

A new declassified intelligence report has revealed that to interfere in the 2020 U.S. presidential election to help Donald Trump, Russian President Vladimir Putin authorized outside proxies to feed disinformation to Fox News, One America News Network, and…wait for it…Rudy Giuliani. When you look at all three of these suspects, you know convincing them to repeat lies probably wasn’t a very difficult task. Did Russia tell them to freak out over Mr. Potato Head?

The report by the Office of the Director of National Intelligence says Russians pushed “influence narratives—including misleading or unsubstantiated allegations against President Biden—to US media organizations, US officials, and prominent US individuals, including some close to former President Trump and his administration.”

What did Rudy do during the campaign? He pushed a lot of bogus bullshit about Hunter Biden being engaged in corruption with Ukraine, a nation that’s an enemy of Russia. Of course, Fox News and OANN repeated all his claims. And whatever became of that laptop he claimed belonged to Hunter?

The report states the Russians built upon their interference in the 2016 election to help Trump and hurt Hillary Clinton, but this time it was less technical and relied more on getting information into the national conversation and letting it go from there. They just wound Rudy up and let him prattle down the street.

The Russians realized they didn’t have to spend millions of rubles, or even thousands, on social media propaganda campaigns when they had the likes the Rudy Colludy, Tucker Carlson, and Sean Hannity. On top of all that, they also had Donald Trump. He also had the entire Republican Party. I bet Putin loves the over 400 bills in 43 states right now designed to disenfranchise voters.

And even if Russia lost their bet on Trump, which they did, they still had the bonus of poisoning our nation with lies and division. All the Republican efforts to change voting laws are based on lies of a stolen election. By the way, the last time there was enough fraud to change an election and there was a do-over, it was all for a Republican (North Carolina in 2018, fuckers).

The report also says Iran meddled, but in a very sloppy way when they sent emails purportedly from the violent right-wing hate group the Proud Boys to Democratic voters threatening them if they didn’t vote for Trump. Iran messed up pretending to be Proud Boys because illiterate people can’t write emails.

There is also mention of some small influence campaigns from Hezbollah against Trump, Cuba to Cuban Americans in Florida that was anti-Republican, and Venezuela’s President Nicolas Maduro wanted to get involved after Trump supported a coup against him, but didn’t have the means. As for China, who Trump’s Attorney General William Barr and John Ratcliffe, Trump’s last director of National Intelligence, said was the greatest threat to our election, and not Russia…they didn’t do anything.

China considered an influence campaign but then chose not to get involved. If China really wanted Biden to win, then it was probably smart not to meddle and have it backfire because the man he was running against was the worst president (sic) in American history. You really shouldn’t need any foreign help to defeat a man who tanked the economy and did nothing but spread lies while a virus killed hundreds of thousands of Americans.

The report states, “The Chinese government likely sought stability in its relationship with the United States and did not prefer either Biden or Trump enough to risk the potential blowback of more direct interference.”

One difference between Democrats and Republicans is that Democrats don’t want any help from foreign governments to win elections. They don’t want that stench. Republicans invite it…literally. “Russia, if you’re listening.” Donald Trump was impeached asking Ukraine to meddle. He stood in the White House driveway and asked China for help.

There weren’t any efforts to change ballots. Instead, Russia used useful idiots like Rudy Giuliani.

Of course Russia wanted Donald Trump to win the election. During the Helsinki Summit, Trump threw our national intelligence agencies under the bus to take Putin’s word he didn’t interfere in the 2016 election. Putin gave Trump a soccer ball in exchange for his balls. Trump had his translator’s notes destroyed from his one-on-one meeting with Putin.

Why would Russia prefer Trump over Biden? When told by Bill O’Reilly that Russia murdered journalists and Vladimir Putin was a killer, Trump said, “So what? You think we’re so nice?” When asked about Putin this week by George Stephanopoulos, President Biden clearly laid out that Vladimir Putin is a killer. Biden explicitly accused Putin of being a “killer.” Whom would you rather have negotiations with, the guy who calls you a “killer” or the one who kills at kissing your ass?

After the election, Rudy pushed lies over the election being stolen by George Soros, the Clintons, and by voting machines engineered by the deceased Hugo Chavez. Maybe next time, Russia should find a useful idiot who’s less of an idiot. Maybe a less drippy idiot. Maybe a less farty idiot.

If you want to find the collusion and corruption with Russia, follow the lies. Follow the drippy hair dye. Follow the farts. Follow the sleaze. It all leads back to Rudy. Can Rudy take his Razzie with him to prison?

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have SEVEN copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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Who’s A Good Boy?

cjones03142021

President Joe Biden has brought dogs back into the White House. One of the dogs, Major, is the first rescue dog to occupy the White House. Having a dog shows that a person has empathy, care, and love for something other than himself. It’s why Donald Trump never owned a dog.

Earlier this week, someone spooked Major and he bit that individual. According to reports, Major “nipped” a Secret Service agent. A nip is when it is a bite but skin is not broken.

Major and co-first dog, Champ, were both returned to the Biden home in Delaware while First Lady Jill Biden was traveling. They’ll return to the White House soon enough. The White House is still a new environment and for now, it probably will be better for their mom to be there with them. Major and Champ are on the very short list of who can walk into the Oval Office at any time. And I don’t see any issues with them getting on the furniture after Donald Trump let Kellyanne Conway put her feet on the couch.

These are big dogs. During the transition, Major actually caused Joe Biden to fracture his foot while they were playing together. A grown man in his 70s playing with his dogs is a man you want to be friends with. Since these are large dogs, it’s not surprising there are occasional bumps and bruises. Even small dogs can throw a person down stairs. Dachshunds can be brutal. Don’t get me started on cats which are natural terrorists constantly plotting your impending murder.

It’s too bad Major bit a Secret Service Agent…and not a Republican.

It’s too bad Major didn’t bite Roger Wicker for boasting about the money restaurants will receive from the stimulus, yet not voting for the stimulus.

It’s too bad Major didn’t bite Tom Cotton who went off the rails over inmates receiving $1,400 checks…and not losing his shit over inmates receiving checks from the first two stimulus packages when Trump was president. There are also a few retroactive bites Tom Cotton deserves, like for that time when sent a letter to Iran trying to undermine President Obama’s negotiations over a nuclear agreement.

Maybe Major can bite Tucker Carlson. What for? A lot of things actually but let’s start over Tucker’s comments on women in the military. During one of his stupid shows this week, Tucker criticized the military for having women in it while also praising China for building more ships. He called China’s move “more masculine,” while saying about women, “So we’ve got new hairstyles and maternity flight suits — pregnant women are going to fight our wars. It’s a mockery of the U.S. military.” Tucker Carlson is a mockery of journalism and he deserves a few bites.

There are other people in Washington Major can bite. He can start with Ted Cruz just for being Ted Cruz. And if Major can get that awful taste out of his mouth, perhaps he can go after Matt Gaetz, Jim Jordan, Lindsey Graham, Josh Hawley, and Ron Johnson?

Aw, screw it. Go for it, Major. Bite every single Republican in Congress who didn’t vote for the stimulus. Since every single Republican voted against it, you’re gonna need back-up. Is Champ in a biting mood?

What sort of treats and Scooby Snacks do you give a dog for biting Republicans? We might be talking steaks here.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have SEVEN copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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Oh No, Cuomo

cjones02172021

Yesterday, a got an email from an editor in Georgia telling me since there are so many liberal cartoonists, that I should stop drawing liberal cartoons and start drawing conservative ones. This cartoon is not a response to that because I have a bit of integrity. As CNN’s Jake Tapper said regarding this story, “indecent behavior is indecent behavior, regardless of party.”

This may come as a huge shock to you since I am such a left-wing liberal, but I’m not tribal. I’m not partisan. I’m not a member of the Democratic Party. Corruption from Democrats is just as bad as corruption from Republicans.

If I was a conservative cartoonist, I would be jumping all over this while claiming the death rates from the coronavirus are all made up, except in New York, and that Donald Trump shouldn’t be blamed for anything in handling the pandemic. But I’m not a conservative cartoonist. I try to apply the same standards to both parties. If you’re a conservative cartoonist and you’re jumping on Cuomo but ignoring the failures of Florida’s governor, Ron DeSantis, you suck as a cartoonist.

I like the governor of New York, Andrew Cuomo. He receives a lot of criticism from liberals but I’ve always respected how outspoken and forward he’s come across. During the pandemic, he seemed to be the one political leader delivering straight information, not just to his New York constituents, but to the entire nation. Even though it seemed he made some bad calls regarding nursing homes in his state, he was still coming across as a politician taking the pandemic seriously while the president (sic) was talking about TV ratings and ingesting bleach.

In the early days of the pandemic, Governor Cuomo made a decision to send nursing home patients who had tested positive with the virus back to their nursing homes, in order to make much needed space in hospitals. It was an extremely bad call. More than 9,000 who tested positive were sent back. Over 10,000, many likely infected by the returning patients, died. The Attorney General of New York, Letitia James, said in a report last month that the true total is thousands higher. And now, we have found out there was an ongoing coverup in place.

Melissa DeRosa, one of the governor’s top aides, told Democratic lawmakers in the state that the Cuomo administration rebuffed requests from the Justice Department and state legislature for updated figures for deaths in nursing homes because of fear of a potential federal investigation. She said the administration “froze” when initially asked by state legislators back in August about the issue.

As it turns out, the administration undercounted deaths, possibly by 50%. There are calls in the state, and from Democrats who control the state legislature, to strip Governor Cuomo of his emergency powers that were given to him at the start of this pandemic. It gets worse. There are calls for Cuomo’s impeachment.

I can understand the Cuomo administration not wanting to give the Trump Justice Department anything that would have them investigated by corrupt people, in addition to being politicized by Donald Trump. Who wants to help with that? But you can’t hide deaths. Cuomo did exactly what Donald Trump did, which was undercount deaths. It’s bad when Trump does it. It’s just as bad as when Cuomo does it.

You cannot hide information, especially regarding deaths, because it looks bad on you, or you’ll get in trouble, or it’ll hurt you politically. Mistakes are one thing, coverups are entirely worse.

There needs to be an investigation of this, especially now that Donald Trump doesn’t control the Justice Department. The Biden administration should give this just as much attention as it would if it was a Republican governor.

I feel kinda bad because my last cartoon also contained a cemetery. That one, criticizing Republicans for letting Donald Trump off the hook, has been shared over 1,800 times on Facebook. This cartoon has been on Facebook for over 40 minutes and it’s received zero shares. We can’t always be partisan and tribal. We need to be responsible. Criticizing Andrew Cuomo over this proves we were being serious the last four years when we were criticizing Donald Trump.

Democratic corruption is just as bad as Republican corruption…even if it doesn’t happen as much.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have an order of 20 copies of my book (11 are left to purchase) on the way, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. The books won’t arrive until after the new year, but orders are being taken and they’ll be shipped as soon as I receive them. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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May Old Trumpster Fires Be Forgot

cjones12312020

Everyone pretty much agrees 2020 was the suck of all sucks when it comes to years. About the only people who disagree are billionaire assholes who were able to take advantage of a global pandemic to become bigger billionaire assholes.

But we didn’t just get a shitty year with 2020. We got shitty years in 2017, 2018, 2019, and 2020. We’ve had four years of a racist in the White House defending Vladimir Putin and Nazis. We’ve had an orange shitgibbon throwing babies into cages. We seen four years of huge government spending on a useless racist border wall and huge tax cuts for billionaires. We’ve had four years of a child in the White House attacking facts while telling over 20,000 lies. We’ve had four years of a conman grifting the country for his own wealth. We’ve had four years of a president (sic) acting as though laws don’t apply to him, and a political party acting like laws don’t apply to him. We’ve had four years of watching the Republican Party abandon all principles to become a cult. We’ve had four years of a cult devouring half this nation.

Personally, I’m conflicted. While watching my nation be destroyed from within by shitweasels and fucknuts, I was having a blast. But when political cartoonists are thriving, the nation is in trouble. We’re the guys who tell jokes at funerals.

As for the racist cult of troglodyte sycophants, I’ll say to you what Green Day sang and, “I hope you had the time of your life.” Appropriately, the name of that song is “Good Riddance.”

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have an order of 20 copies of my book (12 are left to purchase) on the way, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. The books won’t arrive until after the new year, but orders are being taken and they’ll be shipped as soon as I receive them. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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Needles And Trust

cjones12192020

When it’s my turn to take the vaccine for the coronavirus, I’m taking it. Granted, I probably won’t be able to until next summer when it’s available at CVS for the general public with an appointment, but I’m still taking it. Even though I had the coronavirus and antibodies may stay with me for a while, there’s no guarantee I can’t catch it again. I’m not invincible like some who had it believe, like Rand Paul and Donald Trump. Plus, scientists say you should get it even if you had the virus.

Polls show 71% of Americans are willing to take the vaccine. Black Americans willing to take it currently stands at 62% which is an increase from three months ago when it was at 50%. Politically, 86% of Democrats are willing to take the vaccine and Republicans…only 56% of them are willing to take the vaccine. Why?

Why do Republicans (white people) mistrust the vaccine more than black Americans? Why do some black Americans mistrust the vaccine at all? Black Americans have a good reason. White Republicans (I know. Redundant), do not.

From 1932 to 1973, the U.S. government, along with Tuskegee University, conducted a study of the effects of syphilis in black men. They told the men they were receiving free health care. That was a lie. The government was studying the effect of syphilis being untreated in black men with some of them only receiving a free lunch. Oh, look. All your shit just fell off. Here, have a sandwich.

The men were not told about the study. The government finally came clean only after being caught by the free press (which is why we want a free press), and during the 90s, President Bill Clinton formally apologized on behalf of the United States.

So today, when the government shows up with a vaccine and a needle saying, “Trust us,” you can’t blame black people for being a little wary. I guarantee you the black Americans willing to take the virus have done their research on it and aren’t just taking it nilly-willy, because there have been times in our history that after trusting the government to handle their health, willies fell off.

So, why do white conservatives fear the virus? Is it because of 400 years of being enslaved by the government? No. Is it after centuries of racism and being treated as second and third-class citizens? No. Was it because for decades, their right to vote was disenfranchised? No. Is it because racism against whites is still applied today in hiring, education, housing, economics, entertainment, and basically every fucking thing in this nation? No. None of that shit ever happened to whites, yet if you listen to a white conservative, they’re the most persecuted and victimized people in history. But, they often have to invent the persecution. For example, their lies and conspiracy theories being removed from a social media platform is persecution.

When it comes to the Tuskegee study on black men, I guarantee you that most white conservatives aren’t familiar with it. Why? Because it wasn’t a study on white men. White people, as a group, don’t care about stuff unless it happens to white people.

Are you familiar with the presidential daily briefings and the only way Trump can pay attention is if his name and photos of him are included? Yeah, white people are like that. Santa Claus is white. Barbie is white. Until recently…and still happening here and there, every movie based in the Middle East, Africa, or Asia had a white cast. It was only a few years ago that Emma Stone played an Asian. She’s a great actress and I love her, but she’s not Asian and doesn’t even look a tiny bit Asian, no matter how hard you squint. Why do they do that? Partly because of racism but mostly because white people won’t watch a movie without white people…and mostly about racism. Even white churches have white Jesus. Pay attention! Look, we have a white Jesus!!!

When Black Panther came out, black Americans finally had a superhero in a major universal movie that looked like them. Most critics and Marvel fans put it within the top three of the MCU (Marvel Cinematic Universe) movies. White conservatives say it’s worse than the Hulk movies, which is a white guy turning into a green guy.

So what from the past makes white conservatives so distrustful of the vaccine? I heard some say we can’t trust it because it was developed so fast, which is contradictory to them giving Donald Trump all the credit for it being developed so fast. Some are skeptical because the flu vaccine, which we’ve been taking in one form or another since the 1940s while the government was also forcing black men to live with syphilis, is only about 50% effective while the coronavirus vaccine has a 94% efficacy rate in testing. We talked about the difference between “effective” and “efficacy” earlier in the week. I even saw a post this morning saying we can’t trust Pfizer because they can’t count the number of doses accurately in a vial.

But, the biggest reason white conservatives don’t trust the vaccine is because they’re fucking nuts. They’re all paranoid schizophrenics who would rather believe in conspiracy theories than facts. Currently, 82% of Trump voters think the election was a scam, rigged, a total sham and Donald Trump was robbed and he’ll remain president after the inauguration on January 20. That’s 82% of an entire major political party believing a lying president (sic) without any evidence to support his lies…despite the information being readily available.

But white people are always persecuted…even if they have to make it up. Take the War on Christmas. Fun fact: There has NEVER been a war on Christmas. White people scream and moan if Starbucks doesn’t put Jesus on a coffee cup. Starbucks should put black Jesus on a cup and see what happens.

On an episode of Black Jeopardy, a popular sketch on Saturday Night Live where black contestants compete, Tom Hanks plays Doug, a Trump-supporting contestant. The sketch points out how remarkable it is that white conservatives and back people share a distrust of the government and corporate America while also sharing a love for Tyler Perry movies. In the category, “They Out Here Saying,” the answer was, “They out here saying, ‘The new iPhone wants your thumbprint ‘for your protection.'” Doug answers correctly with the question, “What is, ‘I don’t think so. That’s how they get ya.'” He follows up with, “I read that goes straight to the government.”

He later gives the correct question, “C’mon, they already decided who wins before it happens” to the answer, “They out here saying, ‘every vote counts.'” But for black Americans, their votes historically didn’t count because they weren’t allowed to vote. Republicans are still disenfranchising their votes. White conservatives they believe their vote didn’t count because they’re sore losers. Fortunately for Doug, the skit ended right as they got to the category, “Lives That Matter.”

Many of the white people who distrust the vaccine are the same people who believe the government is operated by a deep state of Satan-worshipping reptilian cannibalistic pedophiles. They believe that’s the swamp Donald Trump is draining despite hiring his own family members to run the government. They also keep adding new additions to the swamp, like Christopher Krebs, William Barr, and three Supreme Court justices, people Donald Trump hired.

A black person might tell you they don’t trust the vaccine because of the government’s past. A white person might tell you they don’t trust the vaccine because it’ll give you autism, cancer, make you sterile, and implant a chip inside you that’s a tracking device. Seriously.

Mike Pence is going to publicly take the vaccine. Donald Trump, without publicly subscribing to the conspiracy theories, is not going to publicly take the vaccine…and they’re saying he won’t take it at all.

Here’s my distrust of the government: Donald Trump will take the vaccine, but he won’t let you know because he doesn’t want to upset his base of fucknuts. Donald Trump needs his base to remain crazy and believing in conspiracy theories. If they can keep believing the vaccine will plant a tracking device inside you and that baby-eating lizard people are running the government, then they’ll believe any crazy shit Donald Trump tells them. And when it comes to white people being victimized, Donald Trump is the most victimized and unfairly treated person in the universe. Never mind the fact he’s a billionaire who lived in a golden penthouse. White conservatives are the biggest believers in crazy shit…then acting on their crazy beliefs.

Who shot a rifle at a pizza parlor believing Hillary Clinton was running a child sex ring in the basement? A white guy. Who shot up an abortion clinic in Colorado Springs, killing several, because he believed they were selling aborted baby body parts? A white guy. Who kidnaped an air conditioning repair man last week and held him hostage for several days because he thought the guy was hauling illegal ballots? A white guy. Who wanted to kidnap the female of governor of Michigan because she was destroying their “freedom?” A bunch of white guys. Who wrote that Kars-For-Kids jingle? A white guy! Which group is the number one terrorist threat in this nation? White men, specifically, white supremacists.

We’ve come a long way since the Tuskegee Study. It’s right to have questions, but don’t be a nut about it. Do your part for your country, your community, your family, and take the vaccine. Don’t be like a Trump supporter. Don’t be a MAGAt. These are people you really don’t want to have anything in common with.

And because of these people, the Dougs, we need as many of us as possible who are rational to take the vaccine. The more people who take it, the less the virus can spread. Do your part. Social distance, stay home, wear a facemask, and take the vaccine.

If you don’t, I’m sending the lizard people. They know how to get ya.

Notes on signed prints: Order now if you want to send a print of one my cartoons, signed by me, to a loved one…or even better yet, to a conservative family member who you probably don’t love anymore. They’ll never forget it. The signed prints are just $40.00 each. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal and want to snail mail it, email me (clayjonz@gmail.com) so we can make sure your print gets to its recipient in time. I can mail the prints directly to you or to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have an order of 20 copies of my book (16 are left to purchase) on the way, which I’ll be selling for $45.00 each, signed. Unfortunately, they’re not going to arrive until AFTER Christmas. Don’t yell at me. But you can purchase now, give later, and blame the cartoonist. Tell them I had covid. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Tiny Desk Donald

CNN11292020

Here’s your cartoon for this week’s CNN Opinion newsletter. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday.

I totally forgot to blog this cartoon last week. What I normally do is give CNN all Sunday with the cartoon then later that night, or Monday…or even Tuesday, I’ll post it on my page. The danger in my waiting is that I’ll forget. That’s why I usually post it on Tuesday. But after CNN posts it, I go ahead and start the blog without publishing, so it sits in my drafts where I never look.

Also, I had covid. I’m blaming everything on covid now. I tripped on the sidewalk yesterday. That was covid. I get dizzy walking down or up stairs. Covid. Often in mid-step on flat ground, I feel like the ground isn’t going to be there and I’m about to step off a cliff to my spiraling death. That’s covid. Why do I think the death will be spiraling? Covid. Sometimes when I grab for something, like the handle on a cabinet door inches from my fase, and I miss. Covid. Did I forget your birthday? Covid. I had coffee burning for 14 hours yesterday and never smelled it which is the stinkiest smell in the world. THAT’s covid. My fantasy football team has lost four straight games and will probably lose today because I’ll probably forget to adjust my roster. Covid. Does my Biden caricature look more like George H. W. Bush. Fucking covid, man.

Leave me alone. I had covid.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. And since someone asked this morning, yes. You can still get a signed print for $40.

Watch me draw:

Bribes For Pardons

cjones12032020

This just in: Donald Trump is corrupt. Oh wait. We already knew that.

Details remain sketchy, but last night, reports came out that federal prosecutors have been pursuing an investigation into potential bribery in connection with an effort to secure a pardon from Donald Trump.

Last August, Chief U.S. District Court Judge Beryl Howell issued an opinion in a form that redacted the name of the person seeking a pardon…and offering to make a contribution to Donald Trump’s presidential campaign…where a lot of the funds wind up in Donald Trump’s pocket. The judge granted prosecutors permission to examine emails from lawyers seeking the pardon for whoever their client may be.

How does that work with this Justice Department? Attorney General William Barr, despite being unable to find any evidence of voter fraud, is basically Donald Trump’s henchman, poodle, and personal lawyer. The guy had the department act as Trump’s personal lawyer in a case where Donald Trump is being sued over slandering one of his rape accusers. The accuser is not suing the president. She’s suing Donald Trump. Yet, Barr found it necessary for the Justice Department and taxpayers to foot the bill for his legal defense. In all the other personal legal defenses since he became president (sic), Donald Trump has used campaign funds…which of course you can pay into to receive a pardon…reportedly. Maybe the person being investigated for trying to bribe for a pardon can receive a pardon for trying to bribe for a pardon.

Do you remember the entire “pay for play” scandal the Republican Party concocted about the Clinton Foundation? They claimed foreign nations were making donations to the charity in exchange for special favors from the State Department while Hillary Clinton was Secretary of State. They claimed Clinton sold American uranium to Russia in exchange for donations. Before Trump became president (sic), the FBI looked into it and couldn’t find anything. After Trump became president (sic), the Justice Department officially opened an investigation into the Clinton Foundation. That began in 2017. Have you heard what has become of that investigation? Me neither.

So how does it work when the Justice Department investigates Trump corruption? Do they not tell William Barr? Do investigators go through all the proper channels and hope William Barr pays as much attention as Donald Trump does to security briefings that doesn’t mention his name? We do know investigators didn’t want any of this made public, especially the names of those involved. That makes sense because after Barr finds out, he may shut it down while he’s walking out the door to his retirement.

We do know the investigation rose from a separate investigation into people lobbying for pardons and whether they were violating the law by not registering as lobbyists. We also know that over 50 devices such as phones, laptops, and iPads have been confiscated in this investigation.

We also know this is all true and Donald Trump is a guilty party because he issued a tweet calling it “fake news.” Nearly everything Donald Trump says is a lie. EVERY denial he’s ever issued has been a lie.

But you do remember how Republicans acted over the Clinton Foundation. They were aghast and all lit up over the “pay for play” of it all. They chanted “lock her up” at MAGA rallies. They still do that chant between chants of “Space Force” and “send them back.” Lately, they’ve been falsely accusing Joe Biden of running a corrupt charity. Republicans are horny for investigating charities…except for Trump’s charity.

Here’s another thing: Even if Donald Trump and his administration are totally innocent and said, “No, sir…we do not do anything shady, improper, inappropriate, or illegal. You take your bribe and shove it where the sun never shines, you scoundrel you” (that did not happen), someone still thought with Donald Trump, it was a possibility. Someone thought Donald Trump’s ethics were low enough to take a bribe. Someone thought Donald Trump is corrupt. Do you know why anyone would think that? Because Donald Trump is corrupt.

Donald Trump is legally prohibited from being involved in a charity. Why? Because he stole from his charity…literally. You can assume Hillary did something bad with her foundation. We know Trump did. Donald Trump used his charity in tandem with his presidential campaign which is illegal. He used his charity to pay off legal fines for his shitty golf resorts. He used his charity to purchase expensive ticket items for himself, like portraits of himself (but he’s never purchased one of my caricatures of him. I wonder why). And when Florida Republican Attorney General Pam Bondi was considering investigating the actions of Trump University (another corrupt endeavor that doesn’t exist anymore) in her state, she shut down the inquiry AFTER receiving a campaign donation from…wait for it…the Trump Foundation. Donald Trump used his fake charity to bribe an official to save his fake university. Do you know who put money into Donald Trump’s fake charity? NOT Donald Trump. Today, Pam Bondi is still a pro-Trump surrogate and cult member.

Donald Trump literally used his charity to make a political contribution to bribe an elected official. Is it beyond him, an elected official, to take bribes for pardons? Hell no. He’s Donald Trump. Being corrupt is what he does.

It seems we’re founding out about more Trump fuckery on a daily basis. I worry about what’s being shredded and burned in the White House before Donald Trump is frog marched out. How many transcripts is he burning? What documents are being destroyed? And did anyone count the silverware? We still haven’t found out what happened to all the money that went into his inauguration…which by the way, was four fucking years ago. Republicans don’t ask about any of this…maybe because they’re too busy draining the swamp.

And now, it’s come out that Trump has had conversations with Rudy Giuliani and others about preemptive pardons for Rudy, his three oldest and corrupt kids, and his own corrupt ass. This should be fun. By the way, the family that goes to prison together stays together.

Yes, we are finding out more and more dirt about Trump corruption on a daily basis. Can you imagine what we’ll find out in the coming months and years? Hell, we’re still discovering shit about the Nixon administration that makes us say, “DAMN.” I just hope I found out everything about these Trump assholes before I die.

Trump is also talking about running again in 2024. And guess what. You can run for president from prison.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. And since someone asked this morning, yes. You can still get a signed print for $40.

Watch me draw:

Operation Bucket Trap

cjones11172020

Since Donald Trump projects, naturally he’d spend a week hiding inside the White House after spending months claiming Joe Biden was hiding in his basement.

When Joe Biden was staying home and wasn’t on the campaign trail, it was so he wouldn’t put lives in danger by campaigning. When Trump stays home hiding, it’s because he’s embarrassed that in the 2020 presidential election, he got his big orange ass handed to him.

Donald Trump held rally after rally, subjecting thousands to the coronavirus, and he still lost the election. Today, his followers will descend upon Washington for an anti-democracy protest.

Trump’s MAGAts are protesting under the pretense that the election was stolen. It wasn’t stolen. If anything, they’re trying to steal it. I know counter protesters will want to show up to make their voices heard as the MAGAts claim there will be a million of them, but please…if you’re opposing these people, stay home.

There will not be a million MAGAts in the district today. Maybe a few thousand. Most of them will not be masked. Liberals in Washington are very good at wearing masks. But this time, let the idiots have the streets. This could be another Trump super-spreader event. Let them hack on each other, not you. I’m blaming the possibility of having covid on MAGAts I saw on the metro giving me the stink eye for my RBG mask.

What these MAGAts want is a fascist ruler, not a democratic system. It’s what all Republicans want. And as they march around outside the White House, they know Donald Trump will be inside…hiding.

Donald Trump is hiding from reality. He’s hiding from facts. And he may be afraid to leave the White House as the locks may be changed while he’s out golfing. I hope it rains.

Donald Trump will never admit he lost the election. He may spend the rest of his life claiming he’s still president. They may even have to drag him out of the White House kicking and screaming.

I’m good with that. I wouldn’t mind seeing Donald Trump dragged out of the White House. But whoever has to do the dirty deed, remember…wear a face mask. These people are nasty.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. And since someone asked this morning, yes. You can still get a signed print for $40.

Watch me draw.

Arrivederci, Cheeto

cjones11122020

The Donald Trump experiment is over and even though it’s been four years, it was a failure from day one.

On day one, the very first thing that a President (sic) Donald Trump did was send his spokesgoon, Sean Spicer, out to lie to the American public about crowd sizes.

The very first official business of this president (sic) was to lie to the people he served about something petty that only served his fragile ego.

Donald Trump has much to be insecure about. He’s not very smart. He’s not well-liked. He’s not a successful businessman. He wouldn’t have ever been successful with women if he wasn’t rich. He’s not attractive. He’s losing his hair. He’s overweight. He’s not a good president (sic) or even barely capable. He can’t grasp facts. And most of all, he’ll never be as good as President Obama. Now Donald Trump has so much more to be insecure about.

Donald Trump lost the popular vote…TWICE!!! He’s only the 11th president to lose his reelection bid (out of 45). He’s the first one-termer since George H. W. Bush. And on top of all that, he was impeached. But bad presidents should only serve one term. Donald Trump was lucky to last that long.

The Trump presidency (sic) has been one of lies, grifting, and corruption. It’s been reported his businesses have made over $8 million from the presidency. We never saw his taxes. It was fitting that he received the news that Joe Biden won the election while he was one of his golf courses.

Now, as a former president (sic), he’ll still be able to charge his Secret Service protection rent, room and golf cart rentals, and for sandwiches from the Trump clubhouse. But, he won’t be able to charge the government as much. And the pandering from corporations, foreign nations, and anyone else who needed to cater his ego for government business will all fade away because now, Donald Trump can’t do anything for them.

Donald Trump will now get a book deal for a book he’ll be incapable of writing. He’ll also be paid to give speeches for people who want to be barked dog whistles in an incoherent manner. That is, if Donald Trump can stay out of prison…or avoid those mystery creditors he owes over $400 million to.

Jimmy Carter has used his life as a former president to build houses for the poor. George W. Bush paints. Bill Clinton has built a massive charity. Barack Obama has worked to inform and build a political base to help this nation progress. Donald Trump will spend his life as a former president (sic) enriching himself. It’s what he did before he was president (sic). It’s what he did as president (sic). It’s what he’ll do as a former president (sic).

That is, until he runs again in 2024. The only thing that may stop him from running will be if he can afford to run. He may have to spend the entire time saving his ass.

And since Donald Trump never had anything impressive to impress us, he had to make shit up, like crowd sizes. But when it comes to crowd sizes, Donald Trump will never see one supporting him as large as those celebrating his ouster.

The entire world was waiting for Donald Trump to be fired. They celebrated in Washington, DC, Los Angeles, Philadelphia, Atlanta, and in other cities across the United States. What may have stung most were the crowds celebrating in his hometown of New York City. Times Square hasn’t seen crowds like it did Saturday since the pandemic began.

When I was in Times Square last June, it was just me, my slice, and some hungry pigeons. There were also some city workers going into the sewers who didn’t appreciate my C.H.U.D. jokes. But on Saturday, it looked like the Times Square of old, where there was NOT a celebration when Trump “won” the presidency. And it didn’t stop there. The party went international.

There were celebrations in London, Paris, Berlin, Edinburgh, Glasgow, and throughout all of Europe. There were fireworks, champagne, and the ringing of church bells. The only cities that were glum about it were Moscow, Pyongyang, and Tel Aviv.

Finally, Donald Trump…we’re impressed with a crowd size in your honor. Ain’t no party like a Trump just got fired party.

Creative note: Since a couple of people have brought up how much work it must have taken to draw this crowd…multiply that by two. After Laura proofread the cartoon, she told me the crowd should be wearing masks…and that I’ll probably hate her for pointing that out. She was right. I hate her. She was also right about the mask. In most videos and pictures of these celebrations, the crowds aren’t like Trump rallies. They’re wearing face masks. When I was in Washington last week, the majority of people I saw protesting on Black Lives Matter Plaza were wearing face masks. So, after drawing all the faces, I had to go back and erase and draw in face masks…then I had to color them.

I actually love Laura but I still kinda hate her.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. And since someone asked this morning, yes. You can still get a signed print for $40.

Watch me draw.