Not My Department


A lot of conservatives who are screaming about the shortage of baby formula are the same conservatives wanting to ban abortion and increase our “domestic supply of infants.” Keep in mind, these are the same jerks who tried to repeal Obamacare over 50 times without ever once, not even once, offering an alternative to replace it. Not even once.

For them, ending abortion is their only mission when it comes to children…and the fetus isn’t even a child yet when Republicans are screaming to save it, so it’s not even children that Republicans give a rat’s ass about.

I saw a cartoon this morning by a fucknut who’s outraged we’re sending $40 billion to Ukraine while there’s a baby formula shortage. He’s not outraged over the $140 billion we’ve given Israel and he doesn’t offer any solutions to the shortage of baby formula except believing that if we allow Vladimir Putin to take Ukraine and turn it into a puppet state or another republic in the socialist republic, then that’ll solve the baby formula shortage in the USA. This is Republican logic. And let’s not even think about how many children Putin has murdered or made homeless since his unjustified invasion. Screw that cartoonist and his false equivalencies. Mostly, that cartoonist really wants to publicly support Russia and Putin but he’s too much of a coward to do it outright, and he’s using baby formula as just another excuse to hit President Biden with because the fact is, he doesn’t really care about children after they’re born.

These people are crying about the baby formula shortage yet they’ve always opposed public assistance that provides baby formula.

Republicans don’t care about children after they’re born. They only care about the pre-born. While Justice Alito justifies ending abortion because we need a “domestic supply of infants,” as if they’re oil or currency, Republicans don’t do anything for the born.

Before we start infant production for our “domestic supply,” maybe we should first make some efforts so we’re not 33 out of 36 economically-developed nations in infant mortality. It’s not like we’re going a bang-up job with the kids who are being born now.

Republicans want to force the birth of children who they don’t want to help survive. They oppose welfare, public education, healthcare, school lunches, preschool, and anything else that will help a poor child survive or live outside poverty. Republicans don’t want to figure out how to take care of all the little children they’re demanding to be born, just that they have to be born. As George Carlin said in his epic 1996 rant on pro-lifers and abortion, once you’re born, you’re fucked.

On that note, let’s go back and look at what George Carlin said in 1996 because no one else can say it better:

Why, why, why, why is it that most of the people who are against abortion are people you wouldn’t want to fuck in the first place, huh?

Boy, these conservatives are really something, aren’t they? They’re all in favor of the unborn. They will do anything for the unborn. But once you’re born, you’re on your own. Pro-life conservatives are obsessed with the fetus from conception to nine months. After that, they don’t wanna know about you. They don’t want to hear from you. No nothing. No neonatal care, no daycare, no Head Start, no school lunch, no food stamps, no welfare, no nothing. If you’re pre-born, you’re fine; if you’re preschool, you’re fucked.

Conservatives don’t give a shit about you until you reach military age. Then they think you are just fine. Just what they’ve been looking for. Conservatives want live babies so they can raise them to be dead soldiers. Pro-life, Pro-life. These people aren’t pro-life, they’re killing doctors! What kind of pro-life is that? What, they’ll do anything they can to save a fetus but if it grows up to be a doctor they just might have to kill it?

They’re not pro-life. You know what they are? They’re anti-woman. Simple as it gets, anti-woman. They don’t like them. They don’t like women. They believe a woman’s primary role is to function as a broodmare for the state.

Now, is a fetus a human being? This seems to be the central question. Well, if a fetus is a human being, how come the census doesn’t count them? If a fetus is a human being, how come when there’s a miscarriage they don’t have a funeral? If a fetus is a human being, how come people say, “We have two children and one on the way” instead of saying, “We have three children?” People say life begins at conception, I say life began about a billion years ago and it’s a continuous process. Continuous, just keeps rolling along – rolling, rolling, rolling along.

See, the really hardcore people will tell you life begins at fertilization. Fertilization, when the sperm fertilizes the egg, which is usually a few moments after the man says “Gee, honey, I was going to pull out but the phone rang and it startled me.”

But even after the egg is fertilized, it’s still six or seven days before it reaches the uterus and pregnancy begins, and not every egg makes it that far. Eighty percent of a woman’s fertilized eggs are rinsed and flushed out of her body once a month during those delightful few days she has. They wind up on sanitary napkins, and yet they are fertilized eggs. So basically what these anti-abortion people are telling us is that any woman who’s had more than one period is a serial killer.

Consistency. Consistency. Hey, hey, if they really want to get serious, what about all the sperm that are wasted when the state executes a condemned man, one of these pro-life guys who’s watching comes in his pants, huh? Here’s a guy standing over there with his jockey shorts full of little Vinnies and Debbies, and nobody’s saying a word to the guy. Not every ejaculation deserves a name.

Now, speaking of consistency, Catholics, which I was until I reached the age of reason, Catholics and other Christians are against abortions, and they’re against homosexuals. Well who has less abortions than homosexuals?! Leave these fucking people alone, for Christ’s sakes! Here is an entire class of people guaranteed never to have an abortion! And the Catholics and Christians are just tossing them aside. You’d think they’d make natural allies.

Go look for consistency in religion. And speaking of my friends the Catholics, when John Cardinal O’Connor of New York and some of these other Cardinals and Bishops have experienced their first pregnancies and their first labor pains and they’ve raised a couple of children on minimum wage, then I’ll be glad to hear what they have to say about abortion. I’m sure it’ll be interesting, enlightening, too. But, in the meantime what they ought to be doing is telling these priests who took a vow of chastity to keep their hands off the altar boys. Keep your hands to yourself, Father! You know? When Jesus said “Suffer the little children come unto me,” that’s not what he was talking about!

So you know what I tell these anti-abortion people? I say “Hey. Hey. If you think a fetus is more important than a woman, try getting a fetus to wash the shit stains out of your underwear. For no pay and no pension.” I tell them, “Think of an abortion as term limits. That’s all it is. Biological term limits.”

Thank you, George. I wish you were here today to help us fight this fight because no one was better than you at it. It won’t be enough, but I’ll do my part to pick up the slack.

Music note: I listened to The Wallflowers while coloring this cartoon.

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5 comments

    1. I mentioned this same thing (from Snopes) on StoneKettle Station’s twitter, and was promptly blocked from his account. I guess HE didn’t want to know the truth; it was too good a talking point.

      BTW, the George Carlin screed is on YT; I happened to be watching it a week or so ago.

      Like

  1. After growing up with George Carlin as the little conductor on Thomas the Tank Engine, I was QUITE suprised to see him as a young adult not only swearing but talking shit about religion. As I was losing my religion, I loved it and him ever since.

    Like

  2. Reblogged this on It Is What It Is and commented:
    Something like they ‘want to have their cake and eat it too?” … “A lot of conservatives who are screaming about the shortage of baby formula are the same conservatives wanting to ban abortion and increase our “domestic supply of infants.”

    Like

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