Vladimir Putin

Bert, Ernie, And Squirmy


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It’s a question I’ve had for decades about Sesame Street’s Bert and Ernie, but have never received a satisfying answer. Why does Bert have one eyebrow and Ernie doesn’t have any?

The mystery and debate of their sexual orientation have been around for at least a couple of decades. I have cartooned on it, but never really pondered it. To me, they’re asexual. Why? Because they’re puppets for a children’s educational program. But, I do enjoy watching conservatives wig out over it.

The issue came back into the mainstream this week when a former writer, Mark Saltzman, for Sesame Street said he wrote Bert and Ernie as a “loving couple,” taking inspiration from his own relationship with his longtime partner. He also said, “I always felt that without a huge agenda, when I was writing Bert and Ernie, they were gay. I didn’t have any other way to contextualize them.”

Yikes! or yay!? Some people were celebrating. Others, not so much. This prompted Sesame Workshop, the nonprofit behind Sesame Street, to quickly knock down the idea stating, “Bert and Ernie are best friends and, being that they are puppets, have no sexual orientation.” I’ll tell you this though; I’ve never taken a bath in front of my best friend. But then again, I’m not a puppet.

The only puppet I can think of with any sort of sex drive is Miss Piggy. She really wants to nail that frog. “Miss Piggy” is also the term Donald Trump has used as a defense against those who have accused him of sexual harassment and advances. He has claimed some of his accusers weren’t attractive enough for him to hit on, which may only be true if they don’t look anything like his daughter. I suppose this makes Trump the second puppet with a sex drive.

With Kavanaugh hearings, accusations that he attempted to rape a girl when he was a teenager and hurricanes in the news this past week, we can’t forget that Donald Trump is Vladimir Putin’s puppet. The New York Times published an excellent article rounding up everything we know so far, which is a lot. It all comes down to Trump being controlled by Putin.

Hillary Clinton warned us during the campaign that Trump was Putin’s puppet. He’s done nothing to prove her wrong and everything to prove her correct. This week, on The Rachel Maddow Show, she predicted that Trump will go on a firing spree after the midterm elections. Trump loves firing people if he can do it when they’re not around. He even said he should have fired James Comey before he won the election, back when he had as much authority to fire the FBI director as I do.

I don’t care if Bert and Ernie are straight or gay. They’ve never sexually assaulted anyone, and they’re not traitors. They’re also much more intelligent than Trump, and they’re inanimate objects.

As for Trump, he is Putin’s puppet, and we all saw his hand up Trump’s ass during the Helsinki Summit.

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Trump Baby


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For the first time in my life, I think I feel sorry for the Queen of England.

At some point between meeting Prime Minster Theresa May, Boris Johnson, listening to bagpipes, golf in Scotland, lots of executive time, and avoiding protesters, Donald Trump will meet Queen Elizabeth. God help the Queen.

It’s the protests that may be the most interesting. Over one million people signed a petition to ban Trump from visiting the United Kingdom. It worked for a while as Trump canceled a previously planned trip. He blamed the excessive cost of the American embassy and blamed Obama, despite the embassy being planned during the second Bush administration.

Street protests against America’s wannabe fascist are expected to draw over 100,000 people in London, which Trump plans to mostly avoid. The mayor of London, Sadiq Khan, who Trump has feuded with, says Trump is not welcome in his city. He’s even gone so far as to approve a permit for a giant Trump baby balloon to float above the Palace of Westminster.

Trump Baby is a cartoonish depiction of Trump as an infant (about the same age as migrant children he’s been throwing into baby prisons). The floating caricature looks angry, is wearing diapers, and holding a cell phone. Organizers set a fundraising goal of $20,000 for the Trump Baby, which they surpassed. Apparently, more people in London want to see Trump Baby than the real man baby.

Some people in the UK don’t like it. UKIP leader Nigel Farage said the plan was “the biggest insult to a sitting US President ever.” Maybe he’s not a history buff and is unaware of the time Britain literally burned down the White House.

Though Trump Baby has been approved by the mayor’s office, it still needs permits from the National Air Traffic Service and the Metropolitan Police.

According to people close to Trump who like to leak embarrassing details about their boss, he really hates being called or treated like a baby, which is really odd because he expects to be coddled everywhere he goes. He’s even planning some alone coddling time with Vladimir Putin during their summit in Finland next week. Maybe they can get a honeymoon suite at the Helsinki Hilton.

Since the organizers exceeded their fundraising goal, they plan to send Trump Baby on a world tour. The plan is to have the balloon haunt Trump wherever he goes. I think Tom Steyer, the impeach Trump guy, should spend his billions on funding Trump Baby’s journey. It’d be a more effective way of trolling Trump than those commercials, and funnier too.  Perhaps your city could float its own Trump Baby as a Trump deterrent.

It may also keep scarecrows out of your cornfields.

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Rooty Tooty For Pootie


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I was scrolling through my news feed on Facebook a few hours ago and I noticed one of my conservative friends created a post with a complaint. This friend, we’ll call her Allie because that’s her real name, was upset because she had posted a news story only to have it removed by Facebook. She posted it three times and three times Facebook had removed it.

Why would Facebook remove her post? Probably because it was a conspiracy theory generated by Russian bots from one of their troll farms. The story was about the children from the Parkland shooting who are voicing out for gun control, and how they’re actually paid actors.  The story is such garbage that Donald Trump will probably retweet it later. He’s retweeted from Russian bots before.

Donald Trump is an idiot, but Allie is not. Allie, however, does find confirmation bias too delicious to pass up or to confirm. Who cares if it’s advancing the goals of a hostile nation intent to tearing ours apart? Did you hear about the Washington pizza parlor?

They call it a troll farm for a reason. The Russians are creating trolls and Allie has allowed herself to become one. Many of these people are unwittingly hurting our nation. Others are aware and just don’t care. Screw pride, principles, and ethics. Did you hear that the Pope endorsed Trump?

First off, they hurt our nation by voting for Donald Trump. Earlier this week, a Trump supporter, we’ll call Gary because that’s his real name, told me he voted for the lesser of two evils. I pointed out that the lesser of two evils is not the candidate supported by Vladimir Putin. Gary, who is a veteran and considers himself a patriot, told me he doesn’t need voting tips from someone of my persuasion. Never mind that Gary’s allowing himself to be persuaded by Putin. Did you hear about Obama bugging Trump Tower?

It’s not just confirmation bias that moves these people to support Russia over the United States. It’s their partisanship, which is apparently more important than national security. National security was an important issue to them and one of the biggest reasons they cite for voting against Hillary Clinton, for who they chanted “lock her up” because of her email server. Now that Donald Trump has given classified information to Russians who were hanging out in the Oval Office, and he has over 100 staffers in the White House who can’t get a security clearance, national security doesn’t seem that important anymore. Did you read the Nunes memo?

Russia is dirty. They helped Donald Trump cheat to win the presidency. They’re so dirty, that because of doping their Olympic athletes can’t even compete under their nation’s flag. They’re so dirty that even their curling team is doping. I thought doping would be for watching curling, not playing it.

To Trump supporters, stop sharing fake news. Stop helping a hostile nation destroy ours. They’re still attacking us and you, unlike Trump, should stop helping them.

Root for the home team.

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Putin Them Out The Window


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People who oppose Russian President Vladimir Putin have a tendency to wind up dead, or seriously hurt. Maybe they’re just clumsy and naturally fall out of fourth story windows.

First off, the guy’s got the same name as “Vlad The Impaler,” the psychopath who was the inspiration for Dracula.

Putin hasn’t impaled anyone on spikes or bitten anyone on the neck yet, as far as we know, but many do turn up dead. Or maybe in Russia, they’re deadniks.

Denis Voronenkov, a critic of Putin who sought asylum in the Ukraine was shot dead in broad daylight Thursday in Kiev.

Boris Nemtsov (of course one of these guys would be named “Boris”) led massive rallies against Putin in Moscow. He was arrested several times until he was finally shot four times in the back, outside the Kremlin, in 2015. The killer remains at large.

Boris Berezovsky (OK. Maybe they’re all named “Boris”) was found dead inside a locked bathroom at his home in the United Kingdom, a noose around his neck, in what was at first deemed a suicide. Later the coroner couldn’t determine the cause of death. Berezovsky had accused the Putin government of poisoning another critic.

That critic was Alexander Litvinenko who was poisoned in 2009. He was a former intelligent agent who turned whistle blower. Ain’t blowing no whistles no more.

Stanislav Markelov and Anastasia Baburova were both shot outside the Kremlin in 2009. Markelov was a human rights lawyer known for representing Chechen civilians in human rights cases again the Russian military. Baburova was a journalist. The government blamed Nazis but I don’t think Steve Bannon was even in the country at the time.

Markelov represented Anna Politkovskaya, who was a journalist who had written articles critical of Putin. She was killed in 2006.

Sergei Magnitsky was a lawyer who was beaten to death in prison in 2009.

Natalya Estemirova, another journalist, who investigated abductions and murders that had become commonplace in Chechnya. She was kidnapped, shot several times, once at point-blank-range to the head, and her body dumped in the woods. They never caught the bad guys.

Anna Politkovskaya was another reporter and had written a book titled “Putin’s Russia” which accused him of turning Russia into a police state. She was shot in an elevator in her apartment building.

Sergei Yushenkov had just registered an opposition party when he was gunned down outside his home in Moscow in 2003.

Yuri Shchekochikhin was a journalist covering crime and corruption. He died of “mysterious” causes in 2003. His medical documents were deemed classified by Russian authorities.

Let’s not forget the feminist punk band Pussy Riot. Three members of the group were sent to prison on charges of “hooliganism” after performing songs critical of Putin and accusing him of being a dictator. That would be the equivalent of George W. Bush throwing Green Day in prison for their album “American Idiot.” But this is America. Prison here is having to listen to Green Day.

Just about every Russian connected to the hacking story has fled the United States and are safely, supposedly, back in Russia. You have to remember, Putin has a style of leadership Donald Trump has expressed admiration for.

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Ambassador Assassination


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On Monday a Turkish police officer posing as a member of a security detail walked up behind the Russian ambassador to Turkey and shot him in the back at an art gallery in Ankara.

As ambassador Andrei Karlov lay dying on the floor the gunman shouted “Don’t forget Aleppo! Don’t forget Syria!” The image was captured in photos and video and shared around the world. The gunman injured several others before he was killed by police.

Since Russia entered the Syrian civil war they have claimed they’re only bombing terrorists. Others, including the United States, have accused Vladimir Putin of using his bombs not to attack terrorists, but to prop up Syrian president Bashar al-Assad, and killing thousands of civilians. What may complicate matters is that the terrorists may be on the side supported by the United States.

Turkey is not a safe place. Earlier this year they experienced a so-called coup attempt which many claim their president staged to build his support and to punish his enemies. They’ve had three major terror attacks within the last ten days which has followed a month of violence. This is a NATO nation that doesn’t resemble one.

While there’s no justification for terrorism or the killing of diplomats, Putin can find the source of this world-wide scorn in his own mirror. You can’t drop bombs on babies and not expect a backlash. The U.S. has some experience in this area.

Turkey wasn’t the only site of terrorism on Monday. Three people were injured at a Muslim prayer center in Zurich, Switzerland, and at least 12 were killed at a Christmas market in Berlin, Germany.

As our next president forges a closer relationship to Russia and perhaps Syria, we may expect some of this backlash to be directed toward us. I wonder where terrorists wishing to make a statement against an American president can find targets throughout the world where there are numerous buildings bearing his name.

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A Candidate For Treason


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On Thursday Donald Trump requested that the Russians release the 30,000 emails Hillary Clinton deleted from her server.

Russia is the main suspect for the hack into the DNC servers which was released by WikiLeaks. It is kinda bizarre they’re not hacking and releasing information on Republicans, or Trump’s taxes. I wonder why not….hmmmmm.

Encouraging a foreign government to break U.S. law to help your election is treasonous. In fact, it would be a felony if Mr. Trump was convicted. This man who was upset a Supreme Court justice had an opinion on the election wants the Russians to tamper with our electoral system.

Does Donald believe the Russians want what’s best for the United States, or is he just that stupid? He could be both. This is a guy who thought Tim Kaine was governor of New Jersey. If I hated America, I’d want Trump to become president.

Now Trump says he was being sarcastic. Many of his supporters say he was joking. Yeah, I can see how one could mistake his statement as a joke since many are convinced his campaign is one, but not this time. This was a joke the same way when a girl shoots down your suggestion of sleeping together and you attempt to cover by saying you were only joking. Riiiiiight. You didn’t want that booty and Trump didn’t really want the Russians to hack into Hillary’s server.

Go stand in line at the airport and tell the TSA agents you have a bomb, and then explain you were joking. Except this time, Trump is in line for the presidency. Quite frankly, I believe he should experience the discomfort of a body cavity search for his remarks, but I’d pity the poor agent who had to conduct the search. Melania knows what I’m talking about….and Chris Christie (who is actually governor of New Jersey).

This election isn’t about conservative versus liberal principles anymore. It’s about a thin-skinned bully, who’s a racist, and is extremely ignorant about how anything….ANYTHING…works, vs. hey, a person who you may not like so much but is actually qualified for the job.

Yes, the person you don’t like might raise the minimum wage, fight for equal rights for women and minorities, might engage in foreign relations that aren’t that different from a Bush, or even tighten up restrictions on gun sales just a teensy eensy bit. The other one would put us under martial law, attempt to imprison those who insult him, attack a nation he can’t find on a map for a small-hands joke, give half of Europe to Vladimir Putin and totally wipe his ass with the Constitution. This is a person who has screwed over everyone who has ever invested in him, and you have to think about it?

Most of the time you can respect someone’s opinion when they disagree with you. If you’re voting for Trump, I don’t respect that. It’s stupid. This is not a normal candidate one merely disagrees with the direction they want to take the country. This is a candidate dangerous for the country. A president is president for all the people, not just those who elect him. If Trump is president, he will be a disaster for all the people…even those who elect him. But Vladimir Putin will probably make it work for him. If you’re voting for Trump, yes you are an idiot. If you’re having a hard time deciding between Trump and Clinton, you’re still an idiot.

Castor oil may not taste good and it’ll give you the runs, but you’d still rather drink it than bleach.

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Putin Pulls Out


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Russian president Vladimir Putin surprised the world today by announcing he’s pulling his nation’s troops out of Syria.

Russia entered the Syrian civil war under the guise of fighting ISIS, and they had good reason after ISIS took down a Russian airliner. But it was ruse as Putin’s army spent most of their time fighting rebels attempting to destroy Syrian president Bashar Assad’s reign of terror.

Putin is declaring “mission accomplished” and claims the terrorists are on the run. Though he’s pulling out the majority of his force there will still be an air presence and of course Russia still maintains a naval base in Syria, which it has since the early 1990’s. They can still drop bombs in Syria anytime they want.

While Putin claims he was fighting terrorists, he spent most of his time bombing schools, markets, and hospitals and then claimed they didn’t exist. Well, they didn’t after he bombed them. Guess who’s still there? ISIS.

So why is Russia pulling out? First, they could be lying. They claim they’re not in Ukraine but they are. The real reason is probably that Putin has achieved his goal and that’s a seat at the peace talks and stability in his relationship with Assad. Syria is a stalemate and will probably stay that way for years. That’s good enough for Russia as they can maintain their bases in the Mediterranean, and Syria is their only source for that. After helping Assad for six months Putin’s influence with Assad is greatly influenced.

Let’s not forget that Donald Trump isn’t the only conservative who admires Vladimir Putin. Other Republicans, like Sarah Palin, have mentioned how he’s a “real leader” unlike our own president. Nice!

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