Trump Sycophants

Capitol Freaking Beaches


cjones07262020

Congress is full of bitches. Bitches like Rand Paul, Matt Gaetz, and Ted Yoho.

Congresswoman Liz Cheney, daughter of Dick, is being yelled at by a bunch of dicks. Liz had the gall to say something nice about Dr. Anthony Fauci, a man GOP talking points have labeled as the enemy. She’s also said things that require having a rational mind like we shouldn’t remove all our troops out of Germany.

Senator Rand Paul yelled that Liz is “leading the fight” to stop Trump from withdrawing U.S. troops from overseas conflicts. I didn’t realize we were in an overseas conflict with Germany other than they use science and we don’t. Matt Gaetz wants her removed from a conference chair. Donald Trump Jr, who is NOT a member of Congress thank God, said, “We don’t need another Mitt Romney.” We don’t need two Donald Trumps either but we got ’em.

Donald Trump Sr. tweeted, “Liz Cheney is only upset because I have been actively getting our great and beautiful Country out of the ridiculous and costly Endless Wars. I am also making our so-called allies pay tens of billions of dollars in delinquent military costs. They must, at least, treat us fairly!!!” Here’s the thing about our “so-called” allies paying tens of billions in delinquent military costs: Obama, not Trump, got them to agree to increase how much they contribute to NATO. Fact, fact, fuckity, fact, fact. I’m also surprised Trump didn’t say, “beautiful” endless wars.

Rand Paul, who took a test for covid-19, then went to mingle with his colleagues while waiting for his POSITIVE result, went on to say about Liz Cheney, “I don’t think she’s good for the country.”

Remember this, kids, the next time Republicans accuse Democrats of not being open to different viewpoints within their party and how they all must conform to the same ideology. Here the Republican Party is chastising one of their own, who agrees with Donald Trump 99% of the time, for not being sycophantic enough. The Kool-Aid drinkers are on her because she doesn’t drink enough Kool-Aid.

Maybe part of their problem with Liz Cheney is that she’s a woman. I mean, do you remember Republicans chastising Dick Cheney like this when he was the vice-president, who by the way, got us into two of those “endless wars” which they all voted for and supported. Liz Cheney has spoken out against a move that placates Vladimir Putin. Who wants our troops out of Germany? Russia and Republicans. If Trump win reelection, expect a similar move on the Korean peninsula and quite possibly Japan.

Like I said, Republicans have issues with women who speak out and disagree with them. Take Ted Yoho as an example. Yoho, a congressman from Florida, confronted New York Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, on the Capitol steps and told her she was “disgusting” for suggesting that poverty was driving crime in New York City.

Poverty doesn’t just drive crime in New York City. Poverty drives crime everywhere. It’s true that rich people engage in criminal activity also like operating fake charities, fake universities, engage in tax evasion, refuse to pay contractors, pay off pornstars, engage in emoluments violations, concoct schemes to bribe a Russian president, ask other countries for bribes of awarding golf tournaments at their shitty resorts, and sexually assault women, but it is poverty along with systemic racism that contributes to crime. But, I’m sure Mr. Yoo-Hoo, being from Florida knows so much more about New York City than a woman representative from New York City.

As Mr. Yoo-Hoo was walking away from Ms. Ocasio-Cortez, he said, (you’re going to love this, kids) “FUCKING BITCH.”

What did this MALE congressman call a FEMALE colleague? A “FUCKING BITCH.” What was that? “FUCKING BITCH.” That’s “disgusting.”

Later, he offered a non-apology denying he said “FUCKING BITCH” and when he said “FUCKING BITCH,” he wasn’t talking about Ms. Ocasio-Cortez. Also, in his non-apology, he didn’t mention her name. The hero of this story rejected his apology because it was not an apology and tweeted, “But hey, ‘bitches’ get stuff done.”

on Tuesday, Ocasio-Cortez posted a clip on Instagram from the Doja Cat song (I’m writing about it like I know what that is) “Boss Bitch.” She wrote, “You know what we say when fragile men call us bitches because we stand up for ourselves and other human beings? Shine on, fight for others, and let the haters stay mad.”

The haters have been mad ever since Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez won her race for Congress. They have repeatedly attacked her and have lied about her positions. The thing is, Yoho is just the only one to be caught saying out loud what all the other male Republicans want to say.

The real irony here is male Republicans call women bitches after they all volunteered to be Trump bitches.

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Never Trumper Hiney Sniffer


cjones11032019

I saw a political cartoon this morning drawn by an idiot. In it, he accused Democrats of being upset that the U.S. military killed al-Baghdadi. I’ve seen a few other conservative cartoons kinda sorta insinuate that point, but this one flat-out stated it. What that means is, Republicans were very upset when the U.S. military, under the authority of President Barack Obama, killed Osama bin Laden. Of course, we already knew that. Republicans, including Donald Trump, kept arguing that President Obama didn’t deserve any credit for killing the mastermind of 9/11. Now, they’re heaping praise on Trump for killing Baghdadi, but not as much praise as Trump is giving himself.

Democrats are very happy Baghdadi was eliminated. And politically, we didn’t have to worry about it helping Trump because even before it was officially announced, we knew Donald Trump would mess it up. For starters, we knew Donald Trump would probably spend nearly an hour on the announcement giving himself credit.

And…Donald Trump spent nearly an hour giving himself credit. By comparison, President Obama spent nine and a half minutes and spent the majority of the time talking about the military. Trump spent most of his hour talking about himself. Jimmy Kimmel even did a “mashup” of the two which has gone viral.

Trump further messed it up by not informing key Democrats in Congress before the raid. He didn’t even inform his chief of staff. He did tell Russia, whom he thanked before mentioning our allies because all trails lead to Russia.

Donald Trump also made a mess by giving away too much detail in the announcement and may have revealed classified information that’ll make future strikes more difficult. Why, he even screwed up with the dog.

A dog is one of the heroes of the mission. Before talking about the dog, which Trump said is a canine but he “calls it a dog,” he used “dog” to insult Baghdadi by saying he “died like a dog.” Trump has an issue with dogs.

The military decided to keep the dog’s name classified, but this morning, Trump revealed that, too. Naturally, in a tweet, boasting that the dog will visit the White House. Unfortunately, as this canine, which Trump calls a dog, doesn’t have a say in the matter.

And then…you’re going to love this…Donald Trump tweeted out a photoshopped image of him placing a medal on the dog. Seriously. I mean, if the dog’s on his way to the White House, then why the lie? Is this as close as Trump’s willing to get to a dog?

The real irony here is that while Donald Trump is praising the dog as a war hero, he, his party, and Fox News are denigrating a war hero for continuing to defend our country.

Alexander Vindman, a decorated veteran with decades of service to the United States, testified and contradicted the Trump administration over using military aid to Ukraine as extortion for political favors. Laura Ingraham and her guests accused him of espionage. Other Republicans have questioned his loyalty to the United States.

Vindman, who still has shrapnel in his body from fighting in Iraq, is in another kind of war zone. Republicans are trying to destroy him and his reputation. What he is doing by testifying is still protecting our nation from threats home and abroad. He’s protecting us from Donald Trump.

Hopefully, the war hero dog will continue to protect our nation when he visits the White House. He can do that by biting Donald Trump in the ass. While that would probably be described as hazardous duty and very unpleasant for the dog, it would be deserving of another medal.

Woof.

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Sell Crazy Someplace Else


cjones04122019

In 1939, the SS St. Louis, a German ocean liner carrying around 900 Jews was turned away by the United States because they didn’t have the proper paperwork. They were forced to return to Europe where half the passengers were murdered during the Holocaust. You could say that America was arguing it was full.

Last weekend, Donald Trump stood before the Republican Jewish Coalition in Las Vegas and continued his war against immigration and amnesty. He told the Jewish Republicans, “Our country is full, can’t come. I’m sorry.”

Trump made the argument during his visit to the border on Friday, then repeated it Saturday, and then again on Sunday. Somehow, Stephen Miller must have gotten the terminology stuck in his head. The comments were celebrated by the white nationalist movement in Germany. They argued that their country is full too.

In 1939, Germans who believed their country was “full” followed Adolph Hitler. Today, racist Germans believing their country is full follow Donald Trump. “Our country is full” is fascist talk.

John Connelly, a historian of modern Europe at the University of California at Berkeley, said in an interview with The Washington Post, “The echoes do indeed remind one of the Nazi period, unfortunately. The exact phrasing may be different, but the spirit is very similar. The concern about an ethnic, national people not having proper space — this is something you could definitely describe as parallel to the 1930s.” Leave it to Donald Trump to go before a Jewish group and talk like a Nazi.

And, yeah. I know we’re not supposed to compare today’s Republicans to Nazis because the Nazis were truly horrible and terrible people who did atrocious things. But, it’s really hard not to compare Republicans to Nazis when they talk like Nazis.

Trump has argued in the past that he wants legal immigration and to bring in the most talented. The argument he made last weekend goes against that. Though, when he argues for legal immigration and bringing in the most talented, he’s talking about white people. When he argues “America is full,” he’s talking about brown people. You know, people from “shithole countries.”

America is not just the United States. America extends from Canada to Chile and Argentina (look it up, Republicans). America is not full and neither is the United States. When people are in trouble, our nation should help them when it can…and right now, we can. We shouldn’t demonize them, rip their families apart, throw their babies in jail and lose track of them, all because it feeds a xenophobic base.

According to inside sources, Trump is becoming “unhinged” over immigration. Yesterday, Trump fired Department of Homeland Security Secretary Kirstjen Nielsen after Stephen Miller made the case to can her. Those same sources claim Miller is gunning for the heads of additional DHS officials. Trump and Miller won’t be satisfied until everyone at DHS is goosestepping.

By the way, if there’s a plaque with Donald Trump’s name on it on a newly constructed section of the border wall that was appropriated BEFORE he came into office…then his proposed wall is nothing more than a vanity project. Why does his name have to be on it? What’s next? Putting a plaque bearing his name on the Hoover Dam?

In the film, As Good as it Gets, Jack Nicholson (he was being a jerk) told a woman, “Go sell crazy someplace else. We’re all stocked up here.” The Trump base is full of nuts, crazies, paranoids, racist, deplorables, and the very worst of America…all of the Americas. They are full up but if you wanna sell crazy there, they’re still buying.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
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Vanifesto


cjones10302018

Before the bomber targeting Democrats who Donald Trump personally insulted was caught yesterday, Trump sycophants were sure it was a Democratic Party plant. The theory was that it was to help the Democrats gain sympathy ahead of the midterms. Perhaps, the bomber was funded by George Soros, one of the many targets of the bomber. What would it take to convince these people that it was one of their own? Would the bomber have to be a MAGA cap-wearing, Trump-rally-attending, lock-her-up-chanting, racist driving a creepy van covered with stickers that read like his personal manifesto to Trump?

Nope. Not even that would convince them. They still think it was a plant. Ann Coulter, Geraldo Rivera, Lou Dobbs, and Rush Limbaugh were all trying to deflect this from the Trump crowd.

But, here’s the thing, Trump sycophants; this guy was at the rallies with you. He was standing among you chanting “lock her up,” and “build the wall.” He believes all the conspiracy theories Trump sells. He thinks the media is “fake news” and the “enemy of the American people.” He believes Mueller is on a witch hunt. He believes Trump got something from North Korea and Putin. He believes we’re winning the tariff war. He believes there were millions of illegal voters in 2016. He believes there’s an impending invasion from a caravan of refugee women and children that’s a national “emergy.”

Now, you may not live in your mom’s basement, or be a male stripper, or have all the stickers, but this guy isn’t just one of you.

He is you.

Be Complicit
What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch me draw.

Caravan Of Haters


cjones10242018

As a caravan of migrants heads north toward the United States from Honduras, Donald Trump and Republicans are using it as a campaign issue to scare their supporters and give the GOP some momentum going into the midterms. Republicans are accusing Democrats and George Soros of funding the migrants, but if anyone has an incentive to finance their thousands-mile journey on foot, it’s Donald Trump.

The issue needs to be taken into perspective. The Republicans are trying to scare voters over 2,000 migrants seeking sanctuary in the United States. While making 2,000 seem like a huge number, Border Patrol arrests an average of over 42,000 a month. While posting no serious risk to the security of the U.S., they make great campaign fodder for stupid people.

People travel in these caravans as there’s safety in numbers from gangs, rapists, and others who prey on the desperate, which is exactly what Trump is doing. And these people are desperate to leave their homes and walk thousands of miles with their children on the slim chance they’ll receive refugee status in a nation with a racist president who really hates brown people.

This caravan isn’t a freak occurrence. There was one last April of about 1,200 people, with only 150 reaching the U.S. border.

Trump is also using the issue to threaten to withhold aid to Guatemala, Honduras, and El Salvador, which is like banning birth control to stop abortions (Republicans still don’t understand that). The aid we give those third-world nations is to help bring stability. Removing it will make their situations worse, and land more people at our doorstep. He is also threatening to shut down our border with Mexico, which would halt trade. Finally, he’s warning that he’ll send the U.S. military to secure the border, which is probably illegal because the military is barred from performing civilian law enforcement within the United States (though they can provide logistics and other support to Border Patrol).

Trump is scaring his base of reprehensible stupid people over a handful of migrants two countries away, traveling on foot, most of which will never make it to the U.S. border. But then again, they scared these dumb people over the threat of taco trucks on every corner.

But, this is the new normal where stupidity and lies work, such as claiming Democrats want the immigrants here in time to vote in November. Being horrible works too as Trump has yet to offer any compassion to those running for their lives. For those who do arrive with children, his administration will surely separate them and throw more babies in detention centers.

Other than votes from the most hateful among us, Trump and the xenophobic Stephen Millers and John Boltons of his administration will use the issue to further isolate the United States.

Illegal immigration is a serious issue, but it’s not the most important or dangerous that our nation is facing. But, it’s great for making scapegoats when you’re enacting a racist agenda.

If you really want to see a mob of angry people that are dangerous to the United States, go to a Trump rally (I have. It’s bloodcurdling). Donald Trump’s supporters, the most fanatical, are the greatest danger our nation is facing right now, as they’re willing to tear it apart over a cult of stupid personality.

Personally, I’d rather have the caravan.

Be Complicit
What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch me draw.