Trump Parade

Parade Gets A Deferment


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I thought Trump was supposed to be a great deal maker. After Washington, D.C. put a huge price tag on allowing him to parade tanks down Pennsylvania Avenue, you’d have thought he would have negotiated them down. At the very least he could have got Mexico to pay for it.

Trump, who got five deferments to avoid going to Vietnam, said prisoners of war aren’t heroes, and battles with Gold Star families, really wants us to know he loves the military. He’s been hankering to present a macho strong authoritarian image in the form of a military parade.

He was especially inspired by the military parade celebrating Bastille Day on a trip to Paris. Instead of a taste for tanks and rocket launchers, you’d think he would have returned with a sophisticated palate for wine and cheese. Even his taste in mistresses hasn’t improved.

Washington, D.C. was never excited about the parade and the prospect of Pennsylvania Avenue being torn to shreds by the treads on 68-ton tanks. Also, not in love with the idea of a military parade is the actual military. Why? Because it’s a waste of time, money, and totally unnecessary. But to be fair, our admirals and generals probably haven’t had their penises laughed at as much as Trump has.

The initial cost estimate was around $12 million, but after D.C. tacked on another $21 million for local expenses (which the federal government would have to reimburse), and the mayor tweeted that she “finally got thru to the reality star in the White House with the realities,” the plans were put on hold. The estimate is now at $92 million. As usual, Trump reacted calmly and with great patience and understanding. Nah, he did what Trump does best. He had a conniption fit on Twitter.

Trump accused the District of inflating the price, despite the lack of any evidence. He accused the local politicians of running the city poorly, even though the city has the highest credit rating possible and a $2 billion surplus. However, the city is majority black as are their elected government, and only four percent of their electorate voted for Trump. So, I’m sure Trump will manage to get his sycophants to blame the city and accuse them of not supporting our troops.

Why wouldn’t they accuse the city of being unpatriotic? They believe Trump is putting “America first” while engaging in treasonous behavior with Vladimir Putin. And, they’re angry at New York Governor Andrew Cuomo for daring to say America “is not great” despite that literally being a part of Trump’s campaign slogan.

Trump still hopes to have a parade in 2019, but for this year, he plans to go to a parade at Joint Base Andrews (who didn’t know they were having a parade) and to attend another in Paris, this time to commemorate Armistice Day.

The biggest bummer in all of this for Trump is that the Trump Hotel in Washington won’t be booked to capacity for out-of-town visitors to view a pointless military parade. He’ll need to schedule several more visits to his hideously garish golf resorts to bilk as much as he can out of the government, and show the city leaders in Washington how over inflating pricing is really done.

Do you think Kim Jong Un would let the mayor of Pyongyang yank him around?

Creative note: I wasn’t sure about this idea because Andy Borowitz had already done the bone spur thing. I got this idea yesterday, and then I saw a link to Borowitz’s column. I shared the link on social media while lamenting the luck. Then, it was pointed out to me that it was a repost from February. I considered it some more and since I did think of the idea myself and Borowitz isn’t a cartoonist, I decided to go with it. But, I had to think it over until about 5:00 AM this morning.

As my friend and cartoon critic Mike Peterson wrote today, “I feel sorry for American workers, but I particularly pity Andy Borowitz and the staff of the Onion, because the genuine idiocy is outpacing their ability to invent stupid things.” Oh yeah? What about us cartoonists, buddy?

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Parading For Mr. Bone Spurs


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Question: How in the hell can we hold a military parade down Pennsylvania Avenue to show the world the might of our armed forces when our military is depleted like Donald Trump claims Obama left it?

Trump plans to increase military spending and reignite the Cold War by building up our nuclear arsenal. Apparently, nuclear weapons aren’t Twinkies, and they have expiration dates.

Now, he wants to spend millions of dollars on a military parade in Washington, D.C. He says it’s a great way to honor the troops. I think a better way would be to spend that money on healthcare for our troops, higher wages, and impeaching Trump, so he’s not the one making military decisions.

Trump has had a chubby for the military ever since he found out he wouldn’t actually have to serve in it himself. That’s OK because he did sacrifice for our nation by making himself rich and not paying people who work for him.

French President Emmanuel Macron made things even worse by inviting Trump to his nation’s Bastille Day Parade. This parade is a huge tradition in France going all the way back to 1880 and their military is a large part of it. There are tanks, jets, soldiers, and horses on full display celebrating all the times France didn’t surrender. When Germany occupied France in World War II, they held a military parade on the same route. That’s a little insulting.

Ever since Trump saw the display of France’s military in a parade, he hasn’t been able to shut up about it. If I went to France, I’d probably still be thinking about the cheese. But for Trump, it’s been nothing but “French parade this, French parade that, no collusion, bigly” on a constant stream. It’s one of a thousand reasons Melania has her own bedroom (it’s not just the cheeseburgers).

The idea of a military parade isn’t very popular with people who don’t take a fancy to fascism. Hitler and Mussolini threw big military parades. The Soviet Union was quite fond of them. North Korea has them all the time so their people can see what the government spends money on and why they can’t eat.

Other than being totalitarian nations, each of those countries have one thing in common. Their military is their greatest strength. Our military is wonderful. The people who serve in it are awesome. But, our armed forces are not our greatest asset. It’s our people, our freedom, our Constitution, and our diversity. World leaders may look at our country and want to emulate our army, but their people want to copy our freedom. Nationalism has never made a nation great.

Nationalism is for small-brained people who have to accentuate and lie about things being bigger than they actually are, so they can feel good about themselves.

We don’t need a parade of 70-ton tanks chewing up Pennsylvania Avenue to show the world we’re the biggest kid on the block. They already know it.

Trump has been hankering for a military parade since before his inauguration. In fact, he wanted tanks for his inaugural parade. Instead, he had to settle for tractors and Three Doors Down.  Since he can’t order Pearl Jam to play for him, he’s ordering the military to put on a show. Why can’t he be happy being the baby with two scoops of ice cream while everyone else only has one?

I’m sure Trump can’t wait to show Kim Jong Un that he too can wave at passing tanks and missiles from a podium. Maybe, instead of firing missiles at each other, Kim and the dotard can just have competing parades.

Senator Tammy Duckworth, a combat veteran who lost both of her legs in Iraq, called Trump “Cadet Bone Spurs” after he accused Democrats of being un-American and traitors for not clapping for him. Maybe if Trump had actually served in the military, he would be going all Call of Duty in the streets of our nation’s capital.

But, hey…let’s waste millions of dollars throwing a military parade for the guy who said P.O.W.s are not heroes and insults Gold Star Families.

Creative note: First off, thanks for loving yesterday’s cartoon on Trump’s treason comment. The website got nearly 6,000 hits and the cartoon was shared over 4,000 times on Facebook and twice on Twitter.

Second, have you seen the YouTube videos I’m making for these cartoons? Please go check them out. They’re filmed while I’m drawing the cartoon, but I put them together later in the day because I’m tired after drawing and blogging. I also want to give the cartoon some time to get all the attention before I throw the video up.

The videos are made in segments, with several smaller videos. I have to sync them, do the time-lapse thing, record the voice over for narration, format, and then upload to YouTube. That takes some time. I’ve noticed since I started doing these videos that I’m less distracted by stuff that’s not really important. All I think about now are my cartoons, news, writing the blog, doing the videos, sleep, sandwiches, and if there’s a cat hiding in my room or not. Seriously. I’ll have my door shut for hours, and he mysteriously appears.

I’m going to start posting the videos on the blog. Actually, I’ve already started. So, come back later in the day and check it out here, unless you’re a subscriber to the YouTube channel, which you should be.

There will also be a YouTube widget/plugin on the sidebar of the site (like there is now for my Twitter, Facebook, etc.). I haven’t been able to figure it out so I have made that Karen’s assignment. Karen, much like copy editor Frank, is now on Team Claytoonz. That means she works for free. Karen wants to make some changes to this website and the YouTube plugin is her first task. She can do something about this cat too.

I just hope she doesn’t try to make me think about anything.

Updated creative note: Frank said he’s happy I referred to him and Karen as part of Team Claytoonz instead of my posse, as his BFF would have upchucked. Sometimes,  can’t tell through email if Frank is screwing with me, as having a problem with “posse” while using the term “BFF.”

Today’s video

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