Time Magazine

Time’s Up

I am fully aware that at least three other cartoonists have drawn Trump mug shots over the past week, but they didn’t do this. I wrote this two weeks ago and saved it. The rough will be in my next batch published. The thing I liked about this is that Donald Trump is so proud and vain over being on the cover of Time Magazine, that even though he has been on the actual cover, he’s plastered the walls of his rancid country clubs with fake covers with his ugly mug on them.

Do you know how to get a fake cover of Time Magazine with your picture on it? You just order it. It’s easy and probably costs about $12. The frames Trump used for the fake covers probably cost more. Google it.

I’m in Manhattan. I got on the train this morning, headed for lower Manhattan, and just picked a stop to get off. I’m currently at a Dunkin’s on 14th Street but I’m gonna have to draw my next cartoon at a different location. There are no outlets here (probably to discourage mofos like me from taking up space for hours), no bathrooms, and homeless people keep asking me for money while I’m drawing. I don’t mind panhandlers and I often give them a buck, but when I say no, I mean it. Don’t try to argue with me about giving you free money.

Are you sure you don’t have a dollar? You really don’t have change? I just need a dollar. Just a dollar? You don’t have a dollar? Not even one dollar? How about some change? How do you not even have change? Are you sure? Just a dollar.

Have you ever stabbed someone in the eyeball with an Apple pencil? I’m considering it.

Anyway, I’ve been asked if I’ve seen any protests yet. No. I haven’t been by the court house and I don’t plan to go there today. I have been in two bars, a pizzeria, and this Dunkin, and no protests.

Have I talked to any of the “locals” about what they think about Trump being arrested in Manhattan this week? I did ask one and he asked me for a dollar. Seriously, no. I don’t ask strangers about their political views. I actually don’t like talking to MOST people about politics. Plus, this is New York City, not Lincoln, Nebraska. It’s not like nothing ever happens here. I’ve overheard more people on the sidewalks and subways talking about Wrestlemania than about Donald Trump. Really. I think that was last night.

A few people have said they can’t wait to see what I draw while I’m here. Today’s cartoon is one of them and it was written in Virginia. The cartoons I write from this experience may not be drawn until I’m back in Virginia. I’m thinking about drawing Marjorie Taylor Greene on 60 minutes for my next cartoon. Did you see that shit? I did not as I was on a train…but I saw some of the highlights and daa’aaaaaaaamn, Leslie Stahl. Do your job.

That’s it for the day, kids. I’m gonna go explore…and try to find a bathroom. No. I don’t have a dollar!

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Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

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Sycophant of the Year

cjones12142020

After failing at saving Donald Trump’s presidency by bringing a bogus bullshit lawsuit to the Supreme Court, Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton is running out of options to pander for that pardon.

Paxton’s lawsuit was ridiculous and it wasn’t even put together very well. It made lame arguments and contained false information that could have been easily checked. Yet, Paxton went ahead with degrading himself and his office in the name of all that is Trump. And 17 other state attorneys general joined his stupid ass…as well as 126 Republicans in the United States House of Representatives.

On Monday, those House Republicans will attempt another stab at stealing an election and defiling democracy. These people aren’t serving their nation. They’re not serving the Constitution. They’re serving a cult. And the worst part is, it’s a stupid cult of personality. I will never understand the public degrading of oneself for someone who’s not at least charming, intelligent, good looking, or even a decent speaker. Donald Trump is not Elvis. You would think they’d follow someone who was at least literate.

So, how upset will these seditious goobers be at Time Magazine for not selecting Donald Trump as Person of the Year? I’ve already heard grumbling and even seen one conservative political cartoon expressing bitterness. Quite frankly, I wasn’t expecting Joe Biden and Kamala Harris to get the honor. In 2020, the year of covid, I thought First Responders had it in the bag.

It is kinda funny that these people who want Trump to be Time’s person of the year, including Donald Trump, don’t read news magazines. Donald Trump has never read an issue of Time, but he has had staffers create fake covers of Time with him on it to hang in his shitty bedbug-infested golf resorts.

As for Ken Paxton, he may be the sycophant of the year, but he has a lot of cultists to compete against. But if he really wants to be assured of that pardon, he may have to change his last name to “Trump.” Don’t put it past him.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. And since someone asked this morning, yes. You can still get a signed print for $40.

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Mean Girl Hurts Trump

cjones12162019

I have a few “friends” on Facebook who are in the Trump cult. I make sure not to actually follow any of them because seeing their hate on my timeline is depressing, but we’re still technically friends. They serve a purpose. Occasionally, I’ll go to one or more of their pages to see what the daily gripe is or how they’re reacting to something. It keeps me from clicking over to Fox News for a minute. It’s like Googling “stupid conservative faux-outrage and lies of the moment.” I get instant results.

As I said, I don’t follow them because the constant reminder that there’s a huge part of America that’s ugly, vile, and just stupid is really depressing. I only see their pages when I need to research. I did so yesterday and ugh. I needed a shower.

Naturally, as I scrolled through, they were outraged that a liberal mentioned Barron Trump’s name while making a point they didn’t get. And as predicted, they’re all aboard on bullying Greta Thunberg. Now though, you get to read their defense and justification for bullying Greta. I love it when Trump supporters explain why they’re assholes.

One of my friends justified the bullying of Greta and not Barron by the fact she has inserted herself into a debate and Barron has not. That’s a very fair point, but it doesn’t excuse adults to bully a 16-year-old with Asperger Syndrome.

They’re right in that Greta Thunberg has inserted herself in an argument. They’re also right in that no one should be bullying Barron, and thankfully, nobody actually did. But they’re wrong in that Greta’s argument should be partisan and tribal. They’re wrong in attacking her and not the argument. If you have an issue with what Greta is saying, then have a counterpoint. Have a debate. If you have an issue with Greta, with her caring about the future of this planet, then you’re just an asshole and an immature one at that. Can anyone disagree with Greta and admire her at the same time? I guarantee you if she was skipping school demanding more access to guns, none of these conservative jerks would be attacking her.

One of my other conservative “friends” justified attacking and bullying Greta because she has “threatened world leaders with murder.” What? When? I missed this. So, I read the article the accusation accompanied. Of course, Greta hasn’t threatened to murder anyone. Greta said, “We will put world leaders against the wall.” That expression is an idiom. In case you’re a Republican, an idiom is a group of words having a meaning that they wouldn’t have individually. If I say something will cost you an “arm and a leg,” I’m using an idiom that something is expensive and it probably won’t actually rip your limbs off. Greta was talking about pressuring world leaders, not killing them with a firing squad.

And really, Mr. red-meat-eating, monster-truck-driving, Gun Nut is afraid 16-year-old Swedish Greta with Aspergers is coming for you? Will you be OK?

The funny thing about thing with this one: Greta didn’t mention death, firing squad, or any world leaders by name, but somehow she’s threatening murder. But since Donald Trump never said “quid pro quo, “bribery,” or “extortion” in his phone call with Ukraine’s president, then he couldn’t have meant any of that. In case you’re a Republican, that means you’re a hypocritical dillhole.

If you’re one of these dillholes attacking Greta and defending Trump’s bullying of her, let me point something out to you: Donald Trump is not attacking her argument. He’s not responding to something she said about him. He’s only attacking her, not her message. He’s attacking her because she got something he wanted. Something that he’s received before.

We should stop being surprised by how low Republicans will debase themselves. They continued to support Donald Trump after he attacked veterans, POWs, Gold Star families, immigrants, the handicapped, women, and now children. They have continued to support him after he’s proven to be a spoiled, butthurt baby time and time again while telling us what a great leader he is.

Donald Trump and his campaign tweeted an image of him as Thanos, a mass murderer in the Marvel Cinematic Universe defeated by Captain America. Seriously, this is how you want to present yourself? At least it’s accurate in that Trump is the bad guy fighting against America.

Greta is one of the good guys. And if you’re supporting Donald Trump, a bad guy bullying a child, you’re one of the bad guys fighting against America and the rest of the planet too.

Support the cartoonist.

You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From The Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Time For Greta

cjones12142019

And these children that you spit on
As they try to change their worlds
Are immune to your consultations
They’re quite aware of what they’re goin’ through

Changes -David Bowie

Yesterday, Time magazine announced that teen climate activist Greta Thunberg is its person of the year. In choosing her, Time wrote, “She has succeeded in creating a global attitudinal shift, transforming millions of vague, middle-of-the-night anxieties into a worldwide movement calling for urgent change. She has offered a moral clarion call to those who are willing to act, and hurled shame on those who are not.”

It was a good choice. She has brought shame on those who refuse to recognize climate change and their attacks on her prove it. Donald Trump Jr. took time out from shooting endangered sheep in Mongolia to condemn Time with a “how dare you” tweet, called her a “marketing gimmick,” and criticized the magazine for not picking Hong Kong’s protesters, as if freedom and democracy in China is something he’s ever lost sleep over.

If you think it’s despicable for the president’s grown son to attack a 16-year-old, then you’ll probably also think it’s disgusting for the president to attack her. Donald Trump, SENIOR, the freaking president of the United States, tweeted this morning, “So ridiculous. Greta must work on her Anger Management problem, then go to a good old fashioned movie with a friend! Chill Greta, Chill!”  Greta, showing more maturity than either of the Trump buffoons updated her Twitter profile afterward, “A teenager working on her anger management problem. Currently chilling and watching a good old fashioned movie with a friend.”

First off, if you’re Donald Trump, Trump Jr. (who just wrote a book called “Triggered”), or any Trump-supporting asshole, you don’t have the high ground in telling anyone to work on their “anger management.” Have you listened to yourself? If you’re screaming at a 16-year-old girl because you don’t like that she’s a climate activist, you have anger issues.

Secondly, what happened to their moral high ground about not attacking children? Wasn’t it just last week that Melania and every Republican got “triggered” over a professor saying Barron Trump’s name during a congressional hearing?  The vein in Matt Gaetz’s forehead is still twitching. But now, it’s OK to scream insults and attack a 16-year-old? The only way to understand this is that it’s OK when a Republican does it.

In fact, Trump’s been doing it. After Greta spoke before the United Nations, Trump tweeted an attack at her. At that time, he was probably jealous that she was able to speak before the UN without the entire General Assembly laughing at her. Now, with her on the cover of Time, Trump has two reasons to be envious of a 16-year-old girl (there are also the facts she’s smarter and brighter than Trump, people who aren’t assholes like her, she can speak in complete sentences in English despite the language not being her first, and people can stand to be on a boat with her out at sea without throwing themselves overboard to the sharks).

Trump loves being on the cover of Time. He’s said more than once how he’s been on it more than anyone else in history. Of course, being that he’s Donald Trump and those were words coming out of his mouth, they’re lies. Richard Nixon has been on the cover the most followed by Ronald Reagan, Bill Clinton, and, this one’s going to hurt, Barack Obama. Being on the cover of Time is so important to Trump that he doesn’t just fabricate how many times he’s been on the cover. He’s actually hired someone to create fake covers of the magazine with his face on them. The fake Times have been spotted at at least five of Donald Trump’s crappy golf resorts. Now, the only plausible reason for this is that they ward off bedbugs.

Trump also got upset in 2015 when they chose German Chancellor Angela Merkel as their person of the year. Trump tweeted, “I told you @TIME Magazine would never pick me as person of the year despite being the big favorite. They picked person who is ruining Germany.” They finally did choose him in 2016, after he fake won the election, and he tweeted then that it was a “great honor.” But keep in mind, Adolph Hitler was also Time’s person of the year once. Just because you’re making the biggest impact in the world doesn’t mean it’s a good one.

A lot of conservatives attacked Time for not choosing the Hong Kong protesters. Again, it’s not that they’re so much in support of what’s going on in Hong Kong as they don’t like Greta. But choosing Greta doesn’t diminish the Hong Kong protests. The fact they can’t disagree with the choice without losing their shit shows that Time made the right one. I’m sure there are plenty of liberals who believe the Hong Kong protesters should have been chosen, but aren’t tweeting attacks at a child or calling her a “marketing gimmick.”

Other conservatives were upset and forgot to mention Hong Kong. Josh Jordan, whoever that is, tweeted, “They really should’ve make Greta’s parents person of the year for indoctrinating Greta at the age of eight and taking away her childhood, but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯.”

Sebastian Gorka, racist fraud who used to work in the White House, tweeted a picture of baby Yoda tweeting, “More realistic a choice than Greta.”

Conservative talk show host Matt Walsh tweeted, “Wow cisgendered white girl as person of the year. Time Magazine reinforcing white heteronormativity once again. Outrageous.” Walsh has promised to talk about this on his show today (I saw that on Twitter. I don’t watch his show) and in the past, he’s called Greta a victim of child abuse.

If Greta is a victim of child abuse it’s because conservatives like Donald Trump and Matt Walsh are abusing her. But I guess it being wrong to attack children is so last week.

Support the cartoonist.

You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From The Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Buy Five Copies For Your Mother

cjones06302017

Newsflash! Donald Trump is an extremely insecure narcissist and touts accomplishments he doesn’t actually have. Surprise!

Trump has been on the cover of Time Magazine a lot. He’s proud of this and loves to make the claim during speeches that he’s been on the cover more than anyone else….ever. He’s so proud of it that a copy of the magazine with him on the cover is hanging at one of his golf clubs. Problem is, that copy is fake.

What’s up with that? Why would he put a fake cover on his walls for tourists and snotty golfers to ogle over? Maybe one of his over-eager employees framed it and put it on the wall to kiss the boss’ ass. Perhaps…..except the same cover is hanging on the wall at not just one club, but at least five Trump clubs from Florida to Scotland. That sounds less like the actions of one eager beaver and more like a mandate.

How do we know it’s fake? The borders of the fake version are unlike the genuine magazine. The fake version also contains exclamation points which Time Magazine doesn’t do. Time doesn’t shout. Trump shouts.

Another reason we know this version is a phony: Time Magazine says so. They didn’t publish an edition during the week that are dated on the Trump fakery, which is what they told The Washington Post. Time has asked the Trump organization to remove the forgeries from their walls.

The fake magazine is praising Trump. “Donald Trump: The ‘Apprentice’ is a television smash!” There’s another headline on the same cover which reads: “TRUMP IS HITTING ON ALL FRONTS . . . EVEN TV!” That sounds like a headline someone would write about themselves. Time has put entertainers of noteworthy accomplishments on their cover. Eddie Vedder of Pearl Jam for instance, but what Vedder and Pearl Jam with their debut album was part of a nationwide movement. Trump just ran a crappy TV show with b-list celebrities.

While Trump blasts the media repeatedly over fake news, he loves to boasts of fake accomplishments. Business success, charitable givings, crowd sizes, electoral wins, great hair, etc. His spokes-sycophant, Sarah Huckabee Sanders wouldn’t comment on the matter, and neither has anyone else from the Trump administration. They have too many other lies to cover for.

Why would Trump need to lie about being on the cover for Time? He’s actually been on the cover, though not every headline is complimentary. Why is he trying to impress people with these forgeries at his golf clubs? Isn’t owning a golf club, or seventeen, impressive enough?

And for the record, Trump has not been on the cover of Time more than anyone else. That honor belongs to another dick, Richard Nixon. Nixon has been on the cover of Time 55 times. Maybe if Trump keeps screwing the nation over he’ll catch up to Tricky Dick. I’m sure his impeachment will make a lot of magazine covers. Trump has been named Times’ Man of the Year, just like Hitler.

About the covers in this cartoon:

GQ: I don’t know much about that magazine but I have the impression it’s read by douche bags who don’t know how to dress themselves and go to nightclubs while wearing too much cologne.

Time: I love political magazines. That should be obvious since I’m in the news business and I’m a politics and news geek. Do they still publish Newsweek? I’m gonna look that up later.

People: My mom had a subscription when I was a kid. It’s a magazine about celebrities and it takes their subject seriously. They’re no National Enquirer. But still, it’s a magazine about shit that’s not important, unless your life can’t move forward without knowing the most recent undertakings of Matthew McConaughey-hey-hey-hey (I got that wrong. He says “alright, alright, alright”). Unless I’m declared the Sexiest Man Alive, I don’t really care.

Sports Illustrated: A great read when you’re in the lobby of a doctor’s office or waiting for your car to be repaired. If you’re lucky, the issue available will be up to date for the 2012 NFL season (I predict a long career for rookie RGIII). Even then, finding an outdated copy of SI is a total score among the stacks of Good Housekeeping and Cosmopolitan unless you’re really interested in why wet kisses make men horny.

Cat Fancy: That is the perfect title for a magazine that’s dedicated to a creature as ridiculous and useless as cats. I had to look up “Abyssinian.” Like I’m gonna know that off the top of my head. I don’t understand why anyone thinks cats are like dogs and that they are interesting…or even matter.

High Times: How can you tell that someone is a vegetarian? They will tell you. They don’t shut up about it and neither do people who smoke weed. Smoking weed to them is a hobby and they talk about it nonstop. It’s boring. So boring. If you’re bothered by me saying it’s “boring” then you smoke too much weed.  I’m fine with other people smoking pot and even told a very ill friend recently that he should give it a try. I personally don’t like it. It should be legal, but it’s boring.

I don’t understand how a magazine can publish every month on the subject of smoking weed. I bet Snoop Dog has been on their cover 55 times. Don’t feel too insulted. Cigar Aficionado is a ridiculous publication too.

I do remember looking at a copy of High Times once in a friend’s bathroom. Frances McDormand was on the cover wearing a sleeveless T-shirt while braless. I can’t remember any articles, but I remember that T-shirt.

Rolling Stone: Not in the cartoon but where I took the title for this blog. It’s from the song “Cover Of The Rolling Stone” by Dr. Hook. Great song that’s really funny with the worst/best guitar solo in history. You’d think it was from the Muppets house band. Also, check out their tune “Sharing The Night.” It’s very 70s cheesy and great with the pervyish “sharing the night together, ah yeah, aw right.”

It’s really hard being a one-man syndicate when editors (who receive death threats from Trump supporters) are afraid of cartoons with opinions, while I’m also competing against other syndicates with dozens of cartoonists (who offer lots of right-wing cartoons and the kind without any opinions). So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $50 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Person Of The Year

cjones12092016

Every year Time magazine picks a person of the year and they run a cover story on the individual. The pick is someone they deem has had the most influence on the world over the year, for better or worse. With that description Donald Trump is a unanimous choice.

In the past Time has selected Pope Francis, Charles Lindbergh, Mahatma Gandhi, Angela Merkel, Franklin Roosevelt, Winston Churchill, George Marshall, Dwight Eisenhower, Harry Truman, Queen Elizabeth II, Charles de Gaulle, John Kennedy, Pope John XXIII, Martin Luther King, Jr., Lyndon Johnson, Henry Kissinger, Jimmy Carter, Anwar Sadat, Ronald Reagan, George H. W. Bush, Ted Turner, Lech, Walesa, Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, Barack Obama, and Mark Zuckerberg.

Looking at those names you totally expect Donald Trump to congratulate himself, which he did. He said “it’s an honor.”

Remember the description for the “person of the year” which “influences events for better or worse.” Then look at a few other names on the list.

Some of those are Joseph Stalin, Nikita Khrushchev, Richard Nixon, Deng Xiaoping, Yuri Andropov, Ayatollah Khomeini, Ken Starr, Rudy Giuliani. Vladimir Putin, and Newt Gingrich. There’s one other person on that list and he’s Adolph Hitler. This is NOT the first thing Donald Trump has in common with Hitler. Both men were successful in convincing a nation to select hate over hope.

So maybe Trump shouldn’t get too excited for indications from this list is he can contribute to mankind greatly or burn it all to the ground. He’d probably be OK with either outcome as long as he received some “terrific” compliments and Alec Baldwin didn’t mock him for it.

Some people have pointed out the layout of the magazine cover placed devil horns over Trump’s head.

The other candidates for person of the year were Hillary Clinton (and if she had won the election I still think Trump should have been selected by Time), and hackers. Sometimes Time takes an easy route and selects something that’s not controversial, like Peacemakers, Whistleblowers, the American soldier, good Samaritans, the Protester, Ebola fighters, Endangered Earth, the Computer, Middle Americans, The Inheritor, Scientists, and YOU (individual content creators on the world wide web).

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, etc.. The starving cartoonist it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!