The Big Lie

The Fix


CjonesRGB12232021

One funny thing about Republicans and MAGAts is that they think they’re the good guys. But then again, Nazis thought they were the good guys too.

Donald Trump’s acceptance speech at the 2016 Republican National Convention included the line, “only I can fix it.” Every candidate campaigns on the message he or she is the best person for the job, but Donald Trump was saying a line drafted for fascists. It was the kind of thing Saddam Hussein would have said. And what exactly was Donald Trump promising to fix? What “greatness” was “make America great again” referring to?

I didn’t underestimate Donald Trump as much as I underestimated Republicans. I never believed they’d nominate and follow an imbecilic racist used car salesman with a reality TV show, less enough a fascist. I never thought they’d not only trade in their party to become a cult but also their country. And I never thought Republicans would support overturning an election and an attack on our nation. I mean, these are the “support our troops” fuckers. These are the guys who used to worship Reagan and praise him for ending the Cold War against the Soviet Union. These are the people who told us for decades Russia was the bad guy and our enemy. These were the biggest yakkers about liberty and freedom.

That’s the thing about nationalism. It starts with a pledge, then attempts to outlaw flag desecration, and then efforts to make a national language. After that comes the killing of a press and laws banning insults to an orange gropenfuhrer.

So now when I start to dismiss the possibility of a second American civil war, I have to stop and remember all those other stupid things I initially disregarded.

The people who would start a civil war will claim they’re trying to destroy the nation to save it. That’s what they said when they elected a mango fascist in 2016. They claimed they were saving democracy when they tried to overturn an election and attempt an American coup. They said they were saving our democracy by installing a fascist dictator. They claim they’re saving democracy by limiting who can vote. Half of Congress doesn’t want to investigate a coup attempt on this nation. It can’t happen here? It’s happening.

“No one wants to believe that their beloved democracy is in decline, or headed toward war. But, if you were an analyst in a foreign country looking at events in America — the same way you’d look at events in Ukraine or the Ivory Coast or Venezuela — you would go down a checklist, assessing each of the conditions that make civil war likely. And what you would find is that the United States, a democracy founded more than two centuries ago, has entered very dangerous territory.”

That’s from Barbara F. Walter, a political scientist at the University of California at San Diego. She just published a book titled “How Civil Wars Start.”

Walter serves on a CIA advisory panel called the Political Instability Task Force that monitors countries around the world and predicts which of them are most at risk of deteriorating into violence. This book is her own study and not that of the CIA. Guess who’s on that list.

Walter writes, “We are closer to civil war than any of us would like to believe.”

The United States has already gone through what the CIA identifies as the first two phases of insurgency. The “pre-insurgency,” “the incipient conflict,” and the one we haven’t got to yet, “open insurgency.” But many believe the third phase, “open insurgency,” already began on January 6 with the attack on the United States Capitol by Donald Trump’s white nationalist terrorists.

Walter writes that the United States is no longer technically a democracy but an “anocracy.” That means it’s between a democratic state and an autocracy. Armed violence and sudden changes of leadership are common in anocracies. A lot of lies, bullshit, conspiracy theories, and “fake news” is used to manipulate people in anocracies. Who else is an anocracy? Russia is one that will make Republicans say, “well, alright then. Cool.” But other anocratic nations compared to the United States may not excite them as much. They include Somalia, Uganda, Zimbabwe, Nigeria, Cambodia, Burma, Thailand, and Ukraine. Trump would call several of these “shithole” countries.

I grew up with the idealism that America was the greatest country on the planet. We’re better than everyone else. We were taught there was no possibility of a civil war in this nation even though we already had one.

We’re not the worst, but the United States is not the best nation in the world either. You can chuck all that rah-rah “Murica!” cheerleader bullshit out the window. Sure, love your country, but don’t be blind. Our nation is led by a bunch of fundamentalist religious zealots. At this very moment, the majority of people in this nation have a dying tree inside their homes to celebrate their “savior’s” birthday, on a day that’s not really his birthday. Sixty percent of Americans believe a guy named Noah built an ark after being directed to do so by God, put two of each species on it, and then the entire Earth was flooded for 44 days.

Hell, Norwegian cruise lines can’t even return to port with all the passengers it departed with, and they can’t blame it on “eaten by lions.”

In 2020, the Democracy Index (compiled by the Economist Intelligence Unit) gave the United States a score of 7.92. But the freeist nation in the world didn’t have the best score. Who scored better than we did?

Nations scoring higher than the United States on the Democracy Index include Canada, Austria, Denmark, Finland, France, Germany, Luxembourg, Netherlands, Norway, Spain, Sweden, Switzerland, United Kingdom, Chile, Costa Rica, Uruguay, Australia, Japan, New Zealand, South Korea, and Taiwan. But, we do win the most Olympic medals as long as ice isn’t involved.

The prediction of another civil war in the United States isn’t that it’ll be like the first one, a line dividing the nation with organized armies on both sides. No, it’s predicted to look more like Iraq’s insurgency. The opposition to American democracy will look less like the Confederacy and more like ISIS. And we may not even notice when it begins as it’ll probably just look like a daily mass shooting.

An Economist/YouGov poll conducted last week found that nine percent of Republicans believe it’s “very likely” Donald Trump will be reinstated to the presidency…before the end of the year. In case you don’t own a calendar, that’s less than two weeks from now after Jesus’ birthday Maybe it’ll happen on Jesus’ birthday. Trump does need a new running mate.

Nine percent of the GOP says it’s “somewhat likely” that Trump will be reinstated before Baby New Year gets here. Another 15 say they’re “not sure.” What’s crazier is that ten percent of Democrats think it’s “very likely” Trump will be reinstated within the next two weeks. Jesus! Not you, Jesus.

You may think these are not high numbers, but in believing U.S. democracy is going to die, I think they’re very high. And with half of Congress trying to cover up the Trump administration’s coup attempt, I at least believe democracy will suffer another attack and the insurrection will find support within our government…and within the media.

Eighty-two percent of Fox News viewers believe Trump won the election and it was stolen from him. Hell, 97 percent of One American News Network viewers believe the same thing, but to be fair, 97 percent of OANN viewers isn’t a lot of people. That probably means more Fox News viewers believe in The Big Lie than in Jesus. Jesus! Sorry again, Jesus.

An insurrection? A civil war? It can’t happen here, right? Donald Trump is claiming he can be “reinstated,” and as he learned last January, all an insurrection needs is a little push.

American democracy? Only Trump can “fix” it.

Also, if my comments on Jesus, his birthday, the ark, the tree, etc, don’t piss off as many people as my Mike Nesmith cartoon did, then that means more people believe in the Monkees than in Jesus.

Music note: I listened to the Beach Boys while drawing today’s cartoon.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 18 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

Watch me draw:

Ignore Trump


CNN10172021

Here’s your cartoon for this week’s CNN Opinion newsletter. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday. 

I have another idea on this and it’ll be in the next batch of roughs. I was going to draw it for my clients because I really like it. However, new news keeps happening and I don’t know if I’m going to be able to get around to it.

As for the blog, click the link above and read my editor’s column.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are FIVE copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Trump’s Recount Disaster


Cjones09282021

Every time dumbass Donald Trump tries to steal the election, all he does is add more evidence and validation that he lost and Joe Biden won.

Donald Trump lost over 60 court cases trying to overturn the election. He lost each time he bullied state officials to overturn the election. He lost actual recounts and audits in multiple states. He lost when he tried to overturn the election through an insurrection and an attack on the United States Capitol.

All the evidence Trump lunatics claim they have has yet to be presented. Probably because those lunatics, Sidney Powell, Rudy Giuliani, and the MyPillow fucker, don’t have any real evidence. There was no ballot switching by voting machines or Italian satellites. There was no interference by the Clintons or George Soros. There was no manipulation by poll workers or the dead Hugo Chavez. There was no massive voter fraud. There was very little fake voting by dead people and undocumented immigrants. Most voter fraud that was found was committed by Republicans. The biggest case of election interference and fraud was committed by the President (sic) of the United States at that time, Donald Trump.

When Donald Trump called the Georgia Secretary of State, he said all he needed was enough votes that would give him one more than Joe Biden had. There were no reports of missing or uncounted votes. On election night while he was ahead, he demanded election officials stop counting votes. Weeks later, he was demanded that Georgia create votes. And the biggest evidence of Trump’s meddling was his not asking to find every “missing” vote, but just enough to give him one more than Biden had.

When Trump supporters who believe The Big Lie (that the election was stolen from Trump) are asked for any evidence to base their beliefs on, the best they can come up with is that Biden winning is just not believable to them. They don’t see how Joe Biden could beat Donald Trump.

And why is it so hard to believe Donald Trump lost? Donald Trump didn’t win the popular vote in 2016. Donald Trump never had an approval rating above 50 percent. Donald Trump has the lowest approval ratings of any president in the modern era, even lower than other modern one-termers, George H. W. Bush and Jimmy Carter. Yes, Donald Trump was less popular during his presidency than Jimmy Carter. Donald Trump took an amazing economy and trashed it. Donald Trump ignored and played down a pandemic that killed hundreds of thousands of Americans. Donald Trump told over 20,000 lies from the White House. Donald Trump spent his entire presidency dividing the nation. Donald Trump’s administration was full of corruption. Donald Trump was impeached twice. Donald Trump lost the House and Senate during his term. Donald Trump is also a juvenile racist sexist selfish illiterate stupid sonofabitch that doesn’t care about anything except Donald Trump. It’s hard to believe this Nazi-praising orange shitweasel with the painted combover lost a presidential election?

They also say they can’t believe Trump lost because Joe Biden didn’t campaign as much. If he had, his margin of victory over Trump would have probably been greater than the seven million it was.

And now we have more evidence Donald Trump lost the election because the recount in Arizona has confirmed he lost. In fact, that recount took votes away from Trump and gave more to Biden.

What’s even more embarrassing is the recount was supposed to find fraud and claim Trump won. The recount wasn’t supposed to assure us of election integrity in 2020. It was just to give Arizona to Trump. The recount was given to a private corporation that is pro-Trump and has zero experience recounting elections. Maybe the inability to find fraud and more votes for Trump is why it took them six months to count it.

Most recounts are done in a day or two. This took six months. It started last April, six months after the election. This fraud of an audit actually cost Arizona taxpayers over $6 million. But that Republican-led chicanery was a bargain compared to California’s bogus recall that cost around $300 million. Remember when conservatives were supposed to be the fiscally-conservative guys?

Trump isn’t happy with the Arizona recount results and falsely claimed it “conclusively shows there were enough fraudulent votes, mystery votes, and fake votes to change the outcome of the election 4 or 5 times over.” But that’s not true. It didn’t find enough “fraudulent, mystery, or fake” votes to change the outcome once. Trump, you lost. And, you lost again.

Now, Donald Trump wants Texas to conduct an audit of the election which is weird because Trump won Texas. Greg Abbott, Texas’ horrible governor, caved into Trump’s demands and announced that a “full and comprehensive forensic audit” of four counties, three that Biden won, has already started, except it hasn’t.

Why does Trump want a recount in a state he won? Because Texas has a Trump cultist as its governor and this is another attempt to cast doubt on the election. In his demand to the governor, he referred to the election as a “scam.” It’s a scam in a state he won? He better be careful because he only won Texas by 5.5 percent. It could turn out like it did in Arizona and take votes away from Trump and give more to Biden. Maybe after they finish this recount, Biden will have won Texas too.

Republicans are also trying to copy Arizona’s recount in Wisconsin and Pennsylvania. Naturally, these recounts are partisan and being attempted by Trump goons.

Here’s the thing though, kids. Trump lost. And he keeps losing. In fact, new reports are revealing his White House knew he lost and there wasn’t any fraud.

All they’re doing with these recounts is giving more confirmation that Joe Biden is the president of the United States of America.

And the continued claims the election was fraudulent only works to tear down our democracy. Continuing with The Big Lie is the most un-American thing a lot of these people do. It’s almost as un-American as voting for Donald Trump.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are FIVE copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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Punch Drunk Trump


CNN09122021

Here’s your cartoon for this week’s CNN Opinion newsletter. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday. 

So what happened Saturday?

On the 20th anniversary of 9/11, Donald Trump provided live ringside commentary during a boxing match that cost pay-per-view viewers $49.99. The real show was Donald Trump as the match was stopped in the middle of round one because the 58-year-old Evander Holyfield, who hadn’t boxed in over a decade, was in danger of being killed by his opponent, 44-year-old Vitor Belfort.

Donald Trump did not care about any this, just like he didn’t care when he put the lives of elected officials, Capitol Police, his cult, and his own vice-president in danger on January 6. As long as Trump gets paid and attention, Trump only cares about Trump.

The fight was originally planned to be a bout between Teófimo López where he was to defend his unified light heavyweight championship against George Kambosos Jr in California. The rights to air the fight was won by Triller, a poor man’s TikTok, for $6 million. Triller has been trying to get into the boxing game and wanted to be taken seriously, but shit happens.

The date for the fight was moved, then moved again, and then Lopez caught the coronavirus and Triller needed a replacement fight. With a week’s notice, they got Belfort vs. Holyfield. Originally, they had Boxing Hall of Fame announcer Jim Lampley to call the fight, which brought a lot of legitimacy to Triller’s presentation. For the pay-per-view replacement fight, he was replaced with Trump and Donald Trump Jr. So long, legitimacy.

I’m shocked that the boxing profession, known for its long storied history of honesty, being on the up-and-up, and a system that purges any and all associations with conmen, would do business with Trump and Trump (sarcasm).

After all this shit, the  the California State Athletic Commission refused to sanction it (because someone could possibly be killed in the ring). So the fight was moved to Florida where anything goes like riding in cars with alligators through drive-thru liquor stores.

Donald Trump also went to a fire station in Manhattan (probably on Triller’s private jet which the use of was part of his payment) on the 20th anniversary and attacked President Biden’s handling of Afghanistan and to claim he won the election.

Then, he released a video attacking President Biden for surrendering to the Taliban without mentioning our president (the real one) was abiding by a peace treaty that our fake president (Trump) had negotiated with…wait for it…the Taliban.

An article in The New York Times referred to the boxing match as “three hours of Trump recalling different boxers he’d known and been friends with, before two depressing top bouts, both over in the first round, each of which featured one washed-up fighter beating another.”

Ryan Kavanaugh (no relation to the rapey Kavanaugh that I’m aware of), whose company owns a majority stake in the Triller app, said he was negotiating with Barack Obama to be a commentator on a future boxing match. According to an Obama spokesperson, “There is no offer and no negotiation.” Triller cliaims there are emails and texts to prove there have been negotiations but refused to offer proof. It’s hard to believe that someone associated with Trump and Trump would be so dishonest and deceptive (sarcasm).

Since there’s probably no way in Hell President Obama is going to call a boxing match for Triller, and since they are in business with the Trump and Trump, I’m shocked they’re not already selling the PPV. Soon, I expect Donald Trump to take a gig like one of those old washed-up fighters who get paid to have their photos taken with gamblers. Of course, it won’t be at any Trump casinos because Donald bankrupted those.

If you bought Triller’s PPV to hear Trump bark for three hours and saw less than five minutes of boxing (I’m guessing here), then you’re a fool and a sucker…

…just like everyone who voted for Donald Trump.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are FIVE copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Vive Le Loser


Cjones07292021

Fact: Mike Pence did nothing…NOTHING…to prevent the United States men’s basketball team from losing to France. Oh, sure. He might give you some weak excuse that there’s nothing in the United State’s Constitution that empowers a vice-president to prevent an Olympic basketball loss, but I think that’s just a poor excuse for being disloyal.

I went to my local post office yesterday. I’ve gotten to know the people who work there. The guy behind the counter asked me if I’ve been watching the Olympics and I told him I have. I’ve watched badminton, horses, diving, volleyball, skateboarding, and the night before, I was watching the USA men’s basketball team take on France. I watched the game while I was eating taquitos at a place down the street and I left during the second period. So, I didn’t finish the game. I asked the mail dude, “How bad did we beat France?”. He said, “France won.” I thought he was fucking with me.

If you had asked me before the game who would win, I would have told you the United States. In fact, I would have told you the USA men’s team would go undefeated and tear through the Olympic tournament. When you look at who we have on our team, that guy from the NBA and that other guy from the NBA…and then there’s that other guy from the NBA, it’s impossible for us to lose. Basketball was invented here and nobody produces players like we do, like that other guy from the NBA. No other nation has as rich of a basketball culture as we do. Based on that, I refuse to believe we lost that game to France.

Also, another reason to refuse to believe we lost to France is because it’s France. We have a basketball culture. They have a culture of cafés, snooty waiters, body odor, mistresses, Jerry Lewis, mimes, croissants, and horny cartoon skunks. They cannot beat us. We’re ‘Murica, baby.

So, based on my feelings and not the scoreboard, we won that game and it was stolen from us. There are a lot of facts to support my belief it was stolen from us. Feel free to make these go viral if you wish.

Fact one: Mike Pence didn’t stop it. He did absolutely nothing to help USA win this game.

Fact two: The scoreboard was plugged into an electrical socket. Do you know what else plugs into sockets? Internet routers. Do you know who else has the internet? Italians. Italy probably used their satellites to beam something (we’re still working on this) back down to Earth (which is flat in red states) into their routers to manipulate the scoreboard.

Fact three: Italy and France share a border which means those two nations are probably a lot closer to each other than either one is to America. Bastards! With your help, we can finally expose this.

Fact four: Nobody knows how many cheeses there are in France. Some say it’s 1,600. Other says it’s over 3,500. I’m not sure how this impacted the game but we have Sidney Powell on it right now.

Fact five: The score of the game, supposedly, is France-83 and USA (God’s country)-76. The year 1776 was the birth of our nation. The Treaty of Paris, officially ending the American Revolution, was signed in…wait for it…1783. By “rigging” the game to end at 83-76, France was mocking us.

Fact six: Spain, who also shares a border with France, was one of the signers of the Treaty of Paris. We beat them in a war, and Spain colonized everything south of our border and gave them the Spanish language, which they’re now attacking our English language with. We’ll get Rudy on this connection. I bet it’s in a laptop someplace.

Fact seven: We got Florida from Spain…and they refuse to take it back.

Fact eight: France invented mistresses and the ménage à trois which was done on purpose to tempt and destroy Donald Trump. But the joke’s on you, France, because Republicans are hypocrites and they don’t care if Donald Trump violates every single belief they’ve been promoting for the past seven decades. So, HA-HA!

Fact nine: France refused to help us invade the wrong country after 9/11. And they had the gall to even criticize it. Plus, they raised tariffs on French fries, French toast, and French bulldogs.

Fact ten: After World War II, France chased out all the Vichy French which makes France Antifa.

Fact eleven: France invented democracy which stole the election from Trump.

Fact twelve: This is all we need to prove the game was rigged against us. The athletes playing for France…I hope you’re sitting down for this…are not American citizens. I checked and I’m pretty sure France is an entirely different country. This is going to surprise you Trumpers, but it’s also on a different continent. Can they legally play basketball against the United States? Didn’t anyone check their IDs before the game. Those players probably prefer France over America too.

This is probably the biggest scandal since Watergate and is the crime of the century. What we need to do is have the score audited by Cyber Ninjas (not real Ninjas because they’re from Japan, which I’ve been told is also a completely different country from us where English is not the most common language. Heathens). I’m sure they can multitask and do it while recounting the Arizona ballots. They should probably be nearly finished auditing those ballots anyway since the election was nine months ago and they’ve been counting for three.

After Cyber Ninjas (not the ninjas from Asia, where covid was manufactured with Dr. Fauci at a Chinese Wendy’s) finishes their scoreboard audit, several months from now, and they deliver the results we want, the USA men’s basketball team will be reinstated as gold medal winners. And if we don’t get what we want, then we’ll storm the Olympics and stop the steal. Who cares if the Olympics is contaminated with covid. People who love ‘Murica and Lee Greenwood songs ain’t afraid of a little covid.

Anything we lose that we don’t want to lose shouldn’t be counted. That’s how democracy is supposed to work. And if we can’t win the game, then let’s change the rules. We can start by putting the baskets for black French players in hard-to-reach places where nobody wants to go, like Idaho. We can also demand every French player have an American ID. And, if they’re not American, then they can’t get an American ID. Also, nobody is allowed to give them water or Gatorade during timeouts. Finally, all scoring is to be tabulated only by English-speaking Americans who would never eat little thin pancakes (God hates tiny pancakes).

By the way, did you know Larry Bird is from a town in Indiana called FRENCH Lick? The conspiracy widens.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are ZERO copies of my book in stock, which usually go for $45.00 each, signed. Another order will be placed soon. You may pre-order if you want. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Kevin’s Slim Pickens


Cjones07132021

A friend of mine used to hold a July 4th pool party every year…until one attendee got drunk and pooped in the pool. I’m sure it’s just a coincidence the pool pooper is a Republican. But nevertheless, no more July 4th pool parties. And pooping in the pool is exactly what House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy plans to do in the January 6 Committee.

The first attempt to have a commission to investigate the white nationalist MAGA terrorist insurrection on the Capitol Complex passed the House with very little GOP support, and died in the Senate. Republicans claimed they voted against it because the commission, with equal representation by both parties and each having full subpoena powers, would be too partisan. Before the vote, Democrats gave Republicans EVERYTHING they demanded before they could vote for it…and they still voted against it.

It’s kinda like taking your kids shopping for back-to-school clothes, and they refuse to participate. So after you’re done shopping for them, they get a hair up their ass because they don’t like the clothes you picked, which looks like that cheap-looking checkered suit Matt Gaetz wears. In this example, your kids are right to complain, you monster.

In Congress, Republicans, after being given everything they asked for, still voted against it. Even though they voted against it, we still need to get answers for the January 6 MAGA tiny-dick terrorist attack. So, Nancy Pelosi held a vote for another committee and this time, Republicans don’t have equal representation or subpoena power. Boo-hoo, fucknuts.

Of course, now they’re going to complain and campaign that they weren’t given equal representation and subpoena power. They will gaslight that they were never given a choice.

Kevin gets five picks and Nancy gets eight. Even better, Nancy can veto Kevin’s picks. And from looking at the names being tossed around by the tossers, she may need to veto every one of them.

Originally, Kevin threatened his members and said if they accepted an appointment to the committee, he would take away all their other committee assignments. Republicans are already afraid of this committee. They want all talk of the racists-for-Trump terrorist attack to go away. Talking about it can hurt the entire party in the 2022 midterms, upset the MAGAt base, and upset Donald Trump. If any Republican takes it seriously and ask serious questions like, “How many Nazis-for-Trump were in the riot?”, then Donald Trump may primary them.

Kevin is also afraid of who this committee may have questions for. Kevin is afraid they may subpoena Kevin. Also, the committee may subpoena Mo Brooks, Rudy Giuliani, Donald Trump Jr, and even Donald Trump. Keep in mind, it’s a crime to lie to Congress. Mo Brooks is currently using defending himself in a lawsuit for inciting the riot with the argument he was lying about the election being stolen in his capacity as a federal official.

The problem for Kevin is: Do Republicans refuse to work with the committee and risk coming off as disinterested in protecting our nation from terrorists, or do they do the jobs they were elected to do and risk pissing off the racist MAGAt base and Trump in the process?

The answer for Kevin is to go ahead and allow Republicans to join and to make sure they’re poo-flinging howler monkeys, and in the House, there is no better poo-flinging howler monkey than Jim Jordan.

First off, Kevin can’t pick people like Lauren Boebert, Matt Gaetz, or Marjorie Taylor Green. They can’t even pretend to be serious in addition to being too stupid for the committee. Appointing one of those shitweasels will only serve to embarrass the GOP…which should already be embarrassed.

Kevin plans to pick shit stains like Jim Jordan who will use the committee to deflect from the white nationalist terrorist attack. Nancy should veto the selection of Jim Jordan. She should veto anyone who voted against certifying the election. Every member who voted against certifying the election voted against democracy. They voted with the terrorists. In fact, it’s illegal to be in Congress after you supported enemies against the United States of America. Every single one of those Republicans who voted with the terrorists should be removed from Congress.

When people are elected to Congress, they take an oath to protect our nation, not to protect terrorists. The Republican Party and Kevin McCarthy have chosen to protect terrorists over their nation.

Republicans accuse this committee and Democrats of being partisan about January 6. It is now partisan. One side is partisan to democracy. The other side is partisan to terrorists.

Nancy, please don’t allow any supporters of terrorists to sit on this committee. Let them fling poo on their own time. If they want to shit in a pool, there’s one at Mar-a-Lago.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are ZERO copies of my book in stock, which usually go for $45.00 each, signed. Another order will be placed soon. You may pre-order if you want. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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Foxitus


Cjones05142021

The white nationalist Trump terrorists who attacked our nation’s Capitol building to violate a democratically-held election and to re-install Donald Trump through a bloody coup attempt have all turned out to be sissified cry babies abdicating their own responsibility.

Donald Trump was responsible for the white nationalist terrorist attack on the Capitol. He’s responsible for the six deaths and injuries to over 100 Capitol Police officers. He spread lies for weeks that he won the election and it was stolen from him. He told his MAGA goons to be there on January 6. They were there on January 6. Before the attack, he told them to march to the Capitol and overturn the election. But he shares blame.

The people who attacked the capitol, Nazis, Proud Boys, One Percenters, Oath Keepers, Klansmen, and Fox News viewers were adults. Even the guy who brought his mommy with zip ties is an adult. They are responsible for their actions. Al Qaida and ISIS are a bunch of terrorizing, Jihad-seeking mother fuckers pledging death to America, but you don’t see those guys crying that bin Laden made them do it. The Qanon Shaman had his mommy go to court to plead with a judge that her son can’t eat jail food. That’s some serious white privilege.

Several of the attackers have since changed their minds and are now blaming Donald Trump, as if they couldn’t think for themselves. Did it take jail to detox from the MAGA cult?

But they’re not just blaming Donald Trump. They’re blaming Fox News. These terrorists are responsible for their own actions, but Fox News shares blame. They aired Donald Trump’s bullshit. They pounded it into their viewers’ brains. Trump’s minions who went on cable news to advance the Big Lie bullshit didn’t go on CNN or MSNBC. They went to Fox News, OANN, and Newsmax.

So far, 440 people have been arrested in connection to the MAGA riot. One guy’s defense is that he was suffering from an illness his lawyer calls “Foxitus” and “Foxmania.” The attorney for defendant Anthony Antonio (so stupid, he has the same name twice) said he had “Foxitus” from watching six months of Fox News nonstop, and started “believing what was being fed to him by Fox News and Donald Trump.”

This defense isn’t just an insanity defense. It’s a moron defense. It’s a defense of being too stupid to think for yourself. If it’s true you can’t think for yourself, the last person in the world you want doing your thinking is a person like Donald Trump. The second is a racist moron like Tucker Carlson. Sean Hannity is a very close third.

This defendant’s lawyer isn’t the only one arguing you shouldn’t believe Fox News. Fox News’ own lawyers made the same argument in a previous lawsuit. It was specifically about Tucker Carlson’s show, “Assholes Tonight.” And it might work. If you tell me you don’t watch anything except Fox News, I’ll buy the argument you’re a moron.

Let’s get a few things straight: The people who attacked the Capitol did so based on a lie. They were not Antifa. They were not Black Lives Matter. They were Trump followers. They were not protesters. They were terrorists. Anyone who attacks a government is a terrorist. Anyone who tries to change the leader of a government through violent means is a terrorist. They’re not just demonstrators whose passion got the better of them. They’re terrorists. Even Mr. Zip Tie’s mom is a terrorist.

At least 440 people have been arrested in connection with the terrorist attack. There needs to be at least one more.

Osama bin Laden sent terrorists to attack the Capitol building and failed. Donald Trump send terrorists to attack the Capitol building, and while he didn’t succeed in overturning an election and staying in power through a bloody coup attempt, he succeeded in attacking the Capitol.

Inside that very same building Donald Trump’s terrorists attacked are Republicans who are still worshipping the terrorist leader who ordered the attack.

The rich sweet irony here is that MAGA goons love to accuse liberals of being sheep, yet here they are claiming they’re not supposed to be held responsible because they’re incapable of thinking for themselves. But they are responsible and like Donald Trump, Fox News, and every representative who enabled the white nationalist terrorist attack (like Ted Cruz, Josh Hawley Ron Johnson, et al.), they’re all a national security threat.

These people who can’t think for themselves shouldn’t be allowed to choose their own TV shows. Turn off Fox News before you hurt someone…or hurt yourself. Is Hee-Haw still on?

Creative note: I woke up close to 6:00 AM planning to do something with Liz Cheney, Kevin McCarthy, and the bear being used in the California recall…but that went nowhere. Then this came to me.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have Three copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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Evil Flying Hater Poop Machines


Cjones05082021

If you’re still having a public squabble and hissy fit over being banned from Facebook, you don’t deserve to be president. And that’s the topic I originally intended to cover today, but after this flying monkey idea flew into my head, I couldn’t let it go.

Liz Cheney is most likely going to lose her leadership position in the House because Donald Trump has sent his flying monkeys to destroy her. Accidentally speaking on a hot mic, Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy made it clear he wants her gone. If he wants her gone, she’s gone. And all of this is because she won’t support the “Big Lie” that the election was stolen from Trump or the talking point he’s not responsible for all the MAGA terrorists attacking the Capitol.

While Liz Cheney won’t goosestep with her cult, er…party regarding the Big Lie and its support of white nationalist terrorism, she is in lockstep with them on virtually every other issue.

Her party doesn’t have a problem that she opposes same-sex marriage, which she does despite having a lesbian sister.

Her party doesn’t have an issue that she wants the grey wolf taken off the endangered species list. She also opposed the grizzly bear being returned to the Endangered Special Act, saying it wasn’t based on “science or facts.” She favors murdering endangered animals and raping national parks for energy companies.

She joined her party in accusing FBI agent Peter Strzok of planning a “coup” against then-candidate Trump in 2016. While she voted to impeach Trump in 2020, she voted against the first one despite him being guilty of asking a foreign nation to meddle and help his reelection.

Liz Cheney was more than fine with Trump’s family-separation policy at the border. She never spoke out against parents losing their children, babies being thrown into detention centers, or children being forced to go to court alone to defend themselves. She loves Donald Trump’s racist border wall.

She never questioned Donald Trump’s grifting of our government. She never went after him when he chose Putin over U.S. Intelligence.

She didn’t oppose Trump’s Muslim ban.

When Turkey invaded Kurdish territory in Syria attacking our allies after Trump pulled U.S. troops out of the area, Cheney blamed the invasion on Democrats’ impeachment of Trump.

She supports Israel annexing more of Palestine.

Cheney called for the Trump Justice Department to investigate foreign meddling by Russia and China to influence, not the 2016 presidential election, but environmental groups like the Sierra Club, Sea Change, and the National Resources Defense Counsil.

Liz Cheney is anti-choice, anti-healthcare, anti-education, anti-environment, anti-civil rights, anti-women’s rights, anti-gun control, and anti-social security. She may oppose the Big Lie, but I haven’t heard her oppose changing voting laws, designed to make voting harder for black voters, based on the Big Lie.

Trump might be angry at her, but she supported Donald Trump giving himself a huge tax cut. She opposes corporations paying more in taxes…or in most cases, any taxes.

And while she opposes the conspiracy theories that Donald Trump won the 2020 election, she has supported the conspiracy theories that President Barack Obama was born in Kenya. She once gave the keynote address at a dinner hosted by the Center for Security Policy, which is a conspiracy group that’s been labeled as a hate group, and is led by Frank Gaffney, who once compared Muslims to termites. Cheney never criticized him for comparing human beings to termites.

As the flying monkeys swarm over Liz Cheney, keep in mind…she’s a flying monkey too. She just pissed off the Wicked Witch.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have Three copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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Unreasonable, Deranged Lunatic


Cjones03272021

Quickly after the election, which Donald Trump LOST, attorney Sidney Powell joined Donald Trump’s legal team that was trying to steal the election away from Joe Biden. Sidney came with the impeccable credentials of being Michael Flynn’s lawyer where part of her legal defense was that he was framed by a “deep state plot.” She sent a letter to then-Attorney General William Barr asking him to investigate the investigation, and he did. Then the Justice Department attempted to drop the prosecution. Eventually, Trump pardoned Flynn…before he LOST the election to President Joe Biden.

This brilliant legal strategy of Qanon conspiracy theories landed her a position on Trump’s legal team where she argued Trump actually won the election he LOST and it was stolen in a plot conducted by communists, globalists, George Soros, The Clintons, the deceased Hugo Chavez, the CIA, hundreds of Democrats and even Republicans like Georgia governor Brian Kemp. Somehow, the Mickey Mouse Club escaped an accusation.

Sidney Powell conducted press conference after press conference, including the infamous one next to a porn shop with Rudy Giuliani when his head started dripping axle grease or some shit. Sidney also lost lawsuits in multiple states. Her conspiracy theories got so crazy, the Trump legal team officially dropped her and said she was acting “independently,” yet she continued to file lawsuits. While she wasn’t officially on the legal team anymore, she was still meeting with Donald Trump in the Oval Office where she suggested such brilliant tactics as declaring martial law to overturn the election he LOST .

Sidney promised she would reveal a “Kraken” of a plot to steal the election from Donald Trump which she called, “The greatest crime of the century if not the life of the world.” According to Sidney Powell, stealing the election from Donald Trump was worst than the Holocaust, the Black Plaque, the Inquisition, the coronavirus pandemic, Japanese internment, 9/11, New Coke, the Guns and Roses album “Chinese Democracy,” the CATS! movie, the Crocs fad, the KFC Double-Down chicken sandwich, and Ted Cruz’s face.

Twitter banned Powell for pushing Qanon conspiracy theories. Michigan and the city of Detroit (in case you’re a Republican, is a city in Michigan) filed separate motions in federal court to sanction Powell for attempting to overturn the election Donald Trump LOST .

During Sidney’s charade of a stolen election that Donald Trump actually LOST, she slandered Dominion Voting Systems and Smartmatic. Both companies demanded she retract her statements. Fox News and Newsmax, two networks that had promoted the bullshit campaign, started walking back the conspiracy theories.

Dominion and Smartmatic are now both suing Sidney Powell for defamation. Dominion is seeking $1.3 billion. Smartmatic is suing Powell, Rudy Giuliani, Fox News, Newsmax, and several idiot hosts from Fox for $2.7 billion. The companies may not get as much as they’re seeking, but they’ll probably win their lawsuits and in the process, Sidney Powell is likely to lose her license to practice law. I think she found her Kraken.

Think of it. If she’s too deranged to be on Twitter, then what the hell is she doing practicing law?

Now, Sidney’s lawyers, who I hope are better than she is, are arguing in court that no “reasonable” person could believe Sidney’s bullshit.

They filed a motion arguing, “No reasonable person would conclude that the statements by Powell about the 2020 election were truly statements of fact.” They continued this ridiculous argument with, “It was clear to reasonable persons that Powell’s claims were her opinions and legal theories.”

They’re arguing she should not be responsible for the shit that comes out of her mouth. You’re representing a lawyer, not a three-year-old or a drunk at closing time. Wait. Was she drunk?

Sidney’s lawyers argued Dominion could not prove Powell took action with “actual malice”, because “she believed the allegations then and she believes them now.”

So, no “reasonable” person could believe Sidney’s claims about the election being stolen by Jews, commies, Clintons, and Chavez were facts, but they were her legal opinions and she truly believed in them. I think her lawyers argued she’s not a reasonable person.

They’re also arguing she based her “legal opinions” on bullshit that no reasonable person could believe. Doesn’t that mean she should not be practicing law? Shouldn’t your legal opinion be something that reasonable people could believe? You didn’t see OJ’s lawyers argue Nicole was murdered by Hugo Chavez.

I agree with her lawyers. No reasonable person could believe anything Powell said about the election being stolen. Only fucking deranged lunatics would ever believe any of the debunked bullshit Sidney said. But, some lunatics did believe her bullshit. In fact, a lot of lunatics bought into her scam.

One of those lunatics was the president (sic) of the United States of America who then directed thousands of other lunatics to storm the Capitol and attempt a bloody coup to overturn an election he LOST. People died because of this lie.

Today, Donald Trump is still pushing this lie Sidney helped spread. More than half of all Republicans still believe this lie. According to Sidney Powell’s legal team, the Republican Party consists of “unreasonable” people. Shit, we already knew that. I don’t think reasonable people could vote for Donald Trump. Fortunately for us, reasonable people outnumbered Republicans because Donald Trump LOST the election.

Donald Trump used Sidney’s lies to destroy our democracy and Constitution. I think Dominion and Smartmatic might have a case. It’s not their fault Donald Trump LOST the election.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have SEVEN copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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Runny Drippy Lawsuits


cjones02102021

Rudy Giuliani has an afternoon show on New York’s Talk Radio WABC. Rudy is upset because he just discovered the station is running a disclaimer before his show saying, “Warning: The program you are about to hear is chock full of bullshit, a nonsensical litany of lies, disproven conspiracy theories, and the kind of crazy old man talk that would make you assume it’s being broadcast from a padded cell in a mental institution.”

It doesn’t say that, but it should. What it does say is, “Girl, we are not responsible for the bullshit you’re to hear so don’t sue us…sue Rudy.” OK, it doesn’t say that either…but it should.

Seriously this time, what it truly says is, and I’m being honest…”The farts you’re about to hear do not represent WABC or its affiliates.” I’m sorry.

What it does say is, ” the views, assumptions and opinions expressed by Mr Giuliani and his guests are strictly their own and do not necessarily represent that of the station or its advertisers.” I think they should use the first version I wrote.

And then the show starts with, “Coming live from the parking lot of the Four Seasons Total Landscaping and next to Dildo-a-Rama, It’s the Rudy Giuliani Show!”

Rudy can get upset all he wants, and he said, “I mean, we’re in America, we’re not in East Germany.” because back when there was an East German puppet state of the Soviet Union, farty former mayors had radio talk shows.

Rudy spent considerable time on the show talking about the disclaimer he just learned about. The station slapped it on there without telling him which is also hilarious. His very first caller asked, if he feels “guilty about spreading a lot of unproven conspiracy theories to folks who may not have the ability or the critical thinking skills to look through” his bullshit. Yes, Rudy’s listeners, the Trump cult, don’t have critical thinking skills. But then again, neither does Rudy.

The station is correct to slap a disclaimer on his show. If they were really smart, they’d cancel his like Fox News canceled Lou Dobbs. Smartmatic, a company that created software for Dominion, the company that makes voting machines, named Rudy as part of its $2.7 billion libel lawsuit against Fox News. He’s also being sued by Dominion, along with fellow bullshitter Sidney Powell, for $1.3 billion.

The Smartmatic suit states, “Mr. Giuliani and Ms. Powell needed a platform to use to spread their story. They found a willing partner in Fox News.” Rudy replied, “The Smartmatic lawsuit presents another golden opportunity for discovery. I look forward to litigating with them.”

Unfortunately for Rudy, Sidney, and Fox News, everything they said is on tape because, you know, it was on TV. Rudy has gone on TV before and denied saying something he just said. Forget Donald Trump testifying in his own defense, Rudy’s lawyers better lock him in basement. I mean, the guy started his radio show by pointing out that he can’t be trusted for honesty or facts.

The opening of the Smartmatic lawsuit has been called the greatest opening line in the history of lawsuits. It reads, “The Earth is round. Two plus two equals four. Joe Biden and Kamala Harris won the 2020 election for President and Vice President of the United States. The election was not stolen, rigged, or fixed. These are facts.”

They went on to say, “Without any true villain, Defendants invented one. In their story, Smartmatic was a Venezuelan company under the control of corrupt dictators from socialist countries.” How are Rudy, Sidney, and Fox going to defend against that? It was just entertainment? Rudy can’t fart his way out of this one. And just like his hair dye, Rudy has left a trail for the plaintiffs to follow.

More lawsuits are coming. The big question is, will they go after Donald Trump for the big lie?

Also, will Just For Men sue a cartoonist?

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have an order of 20 copies of my book (11 are left to purchase) on the way, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. The books won’t arrive until after the new year, but orders are being taken and they’ll be shipped as soon as I receive them. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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