Thanksgiving

Goodbye, Turkeys


cjones11272020

I’m breaking a couple of my rules with this cartoon. One is, I’ve drawn enough turkeys this year. The other is drawing a cartoon with a holiday theme that’s dated after the holiday. This is dated for Friday, which as you probably know, is AFTER Thanksgiving. But, I don’t make my clients embargo my cartoons by the dates, which means they can run them as soon as they get them.

But, I like drawing turkeys…and I like drawing Trump goons. And in my defense, how many more opportunities do I have to draw these people? Have you seen the type of people Joe Biden’s putting in his administration? Adults! How am I supposed to work with that?

In the Biden administration, I don’t see any inept son-in-laws wanting to create a back channel with Russia while taking loans from Arab kingdoms. I don’t see a daughter and her husband receiving security clearances when they don’t qualify. I don’t see a veep lavishing worship on the boss every minute while attracting flies. I don’t see an Attorney General turning the Justice Department into an agency that acts as the president’s personal attorney…which they did in going to court to block a civil suit against Trump by one of his sexual accusers. I don’t see a baby Goebbels in this administration writing policies that’ll kill immigrant children. I don’t see a goon going to prison whose sentence the president will commute. Say what you want about Hunter, but I don’t see a son in this administration as stupid as Donald Trump Jr. I don’t see a personal attorney spreading conspiracy theories outside a dildo store while his hair is leaking transmission fluid. I don’t see the president encouraging right-wing terrorists to shoot and murder protesters or telling them to “stand by.” I don’t see Nazis and Klansmen holding parades for this incoming president. I don’t even see hamburgers.

So, how much fun do I have left? It’s not like next Thanksgiving, when President Joe Biden is pardoning a turkey, I can compare it to him pardoning his goons, children, or even himself. Sheesh! What sort of presidency is this going to be for cartoonists? We have been spoiled by Donald Trump. With Joe Biden and Kamala Harris, I’m going to have to go back to writing my own material. Dammit all.

Sure. Joe Biden has gaffes but they’re not going to make up for a president (sic) who tries to redirect a hurricane with a Sharpie, or asks about nuking that hurricane, or advises people to rake forests, or talks about windmill cancer. Joe Biden has never gone to a debate and talked about the size of his penis. Seriously, people…you left me nothing to work with here.

Maybe our new Secretary of State will scream at a reporter and challenge her to find Ukraine on a map. No? He’s not an asshole? Aw, man!

Maybe Ashley Biden will sit in for the president at international summits, or get a bunch of Chinese patents, or be investigated for tax fraud. No? She’s not corrupt? Maybe Jill Biden will say “fuck Christmas.” I know. Not very likely when you replace a porn model with a teacher who has a doctorate.

Thanks a lot, America. Sure. You saved the nation from a stupid narcissistic racist reality TV show host and his grifting, and now we’ll stop putting babies in jail and ripping families apart. We’ll save the climate, perhaps stop palling around with dictatorships, and start using complete sentences again…but at what cost? Did you think about the cartoonists and comedians? Did you not think about the satire? No, you didn’t. I hope you’re proud of yourself, America.

It’s not fair. Even the democratic goons Biden could have hired, Donald Trump took. I don’t even have a Blagojevich with this administration. Shit.

So because of all that, you get another turkey cartoon. You can’t blame me. All I have left is an administration full of adults to try to make something out of with my cartoons.

And the fact Donald Trump and his goons will never go away or stop tweeting. Never ever ever. I guess there’s that.

Update: I went back and added Michael Flynn after he was pardoned today.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. And since someone asked this morning, yes. You can still get a signed print for $40.

Watch me draw.

Turkey Coup Fail


cjones11262020

Donald Trump’s coup has failed.

Yesterday, the head of the General Services Administration, a low-profile agency that directs resources for stuff like government real estate and oh yeah…transition funds from one presidential administration to the next, announced it was approving the transition to the Biden administration.

After a presidential election when a new leader is elected, the GSA routinely releases funding to the new administration so there will be a smooth transition between the election and when the new president takes the oath of office in January. Although the head of the agency is appointed by the outgoing president, there’s usually no drama over this person doing their job. That was not the case this time.

Emily Murphy is the head of the General Services Administration. Emily Murphy has been described as a by-the-books administrator. Emily Murphy is a coward.

Joe Biden won the election 16 days ago. And even though Donald Trump was having a public hissy fit, hiding in his bunker except to play golf, refusing to answer reporters’ questions, throwing out conspiracy theories, issuing over 300 lying tweets since the election, losing over 30 legal challenges, inviting state Republican legislators to the White House to coerce them to reject their citizens votes, and having Rudy Giuliani hold press conferences outside dildo stores and icking all over the place, Emily Murphy could have approved the transition process to begin.

Even if by some bizarro-world situation where Trump flipped states and would remain president for the next four years (Brrr! I just got a chill), nothing would have been lost by preparing for a Biden presidency. No harm would have been done. If Joe Biden was receiving the same daily intelligence briefings as Donald Trump, it wouldn’t have been a risk to this nation.

When it comes to the security briefings, Joe Biden has been in positions previously where he received them. Unlike Donald Trump, Joe Biden would qualify for a security clearance without being president. Unlike Donald Trump, Joe Biden would actually read the briefing material. Unlike Donald Trump, Joe Biden would not tweet or share classified information with Vladimir Putin. Unlike Donald Trump, Joe Biden would not overrule the FBI and give security clearances to his daughter and son-in-law (who was trying to create a back channel with Russia and is in debt to Middle Eastern kingdoms).

Emily Murphy could have said, “I know Trump is going to be a big baby about this but I’m moving the process forward. It’s the right thing to do.” She could have done the right thing…but she didn’t. That will be her legacy. Imagine how she would have been remembered if she had done the right thing. You can only imagine it because Emily Murphy is a coward.

Emily Murphy released a statement saying, “I was never directly or indirectly pressured by any Executive Branch official — including those who work at the White House or GSA — with regard to the substance or timing of my decision.” Bullshit.

Emily Murphy is a coward and just like every Republican in Washington, she was afraid of angering Trump and his MAGAts. She claims she received death threats. I doubt Democrats were issuing those threats. She claimed even her pets received death threats. How do you claim you didn’t feel any pressure when people are threatening your dog?

Emily Murphy is a coward and she should have done her job in the first place. She shouldn’t have waited 16 days. She is just another Trump goon who put the cult before duty. Even though she was hired by Trump, she works for the citizens of the United States of America, not Donald Trump. She is paid by us, not Donald Trump. She should have done her job.

What Donald Trump did was put himself before the nation. He undermined our democracy. He told his supporters our election failed. He told his supporters they can’t trust democracy. He told our allies the president (sic) of the United States didn’t believe in democracy. He told our enemies the president (sic) of the United states didn’t believe in democracy. Donald Trump tried to remain president after losing an election. Donald Trump attempted a coup. Emily Murphy, like so many Republicans, enabled him.

Emily Murphy, you are not a hero. You are not brave. You are a failure and a sycophant of the cult. You’re no better than Kayleigh McEnany, Stephen Baby Goebbels Miller, or Steve Baby Fishmouth Mnuchin. And just like all the MAGAts Trump brought with him, I look forward to your dismissal after January 20.

Donald Trump is boasting he has delivered a vaccine to the coronavirus. He really didn’t have anything to do with that but still, his stonewalling the Biden transition endangers the distribution of the vaccine after he’s gone.

Donald Trump hasn’t just be trying to discredit the Biden administration. His actions were an attempt to make it fail. And if that means more Americans died, for Donald Trump, so be it. It’s not like he cared about Americans dying from the virus before the election. If more Americans die after Trump leaves office, even if it’s his fault, he can blame Biden and tweet about it.

Now, he’s going to pin a medal on himself for approving the transition. Donald Trump tweeted he told Murphy to release the transition funds while Murphy is saying she made the decision on her own. These people need to coordinate their bullshit.

Even If Murphy never did release the funds before January 20, it wouldn’t have stopped Joe Biden from becoming president. While Trump goons say the media doesn’t decide who wins elections, neither does the GSA or the president (sic). Joe Biden will be president on January 20 and there’s nothing Donald Trump or Emily Murphy can do about that. But, they’re still going to give the impression Donald Trump allowed it.

Prediction: Donald Trump will be praised by the Trump media and MAGAts for being a big boy and getting out of the way for Joe Biden. You’ll see. Geraldo Rivera wants to name the vaccine to the virus that Donald Trump allowed to kill over 250,000…after Donald Trump to “honor” him. That’s how these people are. We should NOT name any vaccine after Donald Trump. We have named the virus after him. He is the virus, not the cure.

If anyone’s the cure, it’s Joe Biden.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. And since someone asked this morning, yes. You can still get a signed print for $40.

Watch me draw.

Trump’s Gobblers


cjones11202020

Before the election, we worried about election interference from foreign nations like Russia, Iran, and China. After the election, we have to worry about election interference from Trump fuckers.

The sycophants are attacking our election after the results are in.

From the parking lot of a landscaping business he confused for a hotel and next to a dildo store, Rudy Giuliani spread lie after lie about election fraud. He’s gone onto Trump TV to continue spreading conspiracy theories. He’s made claim after claim about fraud and voting machines that are moving votes from Trump to Biden. All are lies.

Lindsey Graham, South Carolina’s Republican senator who just won reelection, called the Secretary of State of Georgia to inquire about the vote count there. In case you’re a Republican, Georgia is NOT in South Carolina. While on the call, Graham inquired as to how some votes for Joe Biden could be tossed out.

Last night in Michigan, where Joe Biden won, the Republicans on an election board refused to certify votes from Detroit which would have given Donald Trump the state. Joe Biden won Michigan with over 146,000 more votes than Donald Trump…and the Republicans tried to throw out all those votes. They relented and finally certified the votes after demanding an audit based upon Giuliani’s lies and bullshit. I guess they were hoping nobody was paying attention.

Also last night, Donald Trump fired Chris Krebs, the Department of Homeland Security official who issued an official press release stating the 2020 elections were the most secure in our nation’s history.

What are these people doing? They’re trying to steal an election. That’s the thing about Republicans. They love democracy as long as it gives them the results they want. If it doesn’t, then fuck democracy.

Don’t you think the Michigan Republicans took an oath, vow, or made some sort of promise to serve the people of Michigan honestly and with full integrity? I bet they didn’t promise to serve a cult, yet that’s exactly what they tried to get away with. This is called “Trump Fuckery.”

Before he was ever mayor, Rudy Giuliani was actually a highly respected prosecutor. Then something happened and today he’s serving up lies in the name of a cult. He’s serving as Trump’s top lawyer and has tried to rope Ukraine into running interference on behalf of Trump. Rudy has become the number one advocate for debunked conspiracy theories. What do you want to bet her never brought a conspiracy theory as evidence into a court room? Rudy’s reputation is shot and he will not be remembered as “America’s mayor.” Rudy will be remembered as a Trump flunky who served the cult while engaging in crazy conspiracy theories and Trump Fuckery.

Back in 2015 and 2016, Lindsey Graham was warning us about Donald Trump. He told us not to vote for him. He warned of Trump’s corruption and racism. After Trump was elected, Graham referred to him as “Mr. President-Elect,” a term he won’t use for Joe Biden. He’s told Donald Trump not to concede. He’s making calls into states he does not represent to pressure officials to thwart democracy. How would Lindsey feel if South Carolina threw out votes for him? Lindsey will forever be remembered as a brown-nosing sycophant who practiced Trump fuckery.

These people are trying to overturn a legal election and void the voice of the people. If they succeed, we will not have a president. We will have a dictator. If this election is overturned, we’ll never have another election ever again…at least not a real one.

Everything these people are doing, Giuliani, Graham, Trump, the Michigan fuckers, needs to be looked into legally. Have they broken the law? Maybe some people should be going to jail. Fortunately, after 12:00 PM January 20, 2021, Donald Trump can’t pardon anyone.

After Trump is out of the White House in January, we should have a second Thanksgiving because there’s going to be a lot to be thankful for and a lot of turkeys that deserve to be carved up.

I call dibs on a drum stick.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. And since someone asked this morning, yes. You can still get a signed print for $40.

Watch me draw.

Tofurky


cjones11242016

Among all the stupid and idiotic issues Donald Trump ran on the promise of jailing his political opponent was the dumbest.

First, it’s illegal. It was one of the Articles of Impeachment written up for Richard Nixon, and yet Trump ran on it. He was promising to be impeached. Second, it’s not what we do. We’re not a banana republic, or at least we weren’t.

His supporters feel betrayed. He encouraged chants of “lock her up.” He said he’d order his Attorney General to open an investigation of Hillary Clinton. During the last debate he said she’d “be in jail” if he was in charge (between his sniffles). He claimed her email scandal was larger than Watergate. Now he says “never mind.”

Even Breitbart, the alt-right bastion of hatred and a magnet for white supremacists and Nazis is upset. They supported Trump during the campaign and even took his side after his (now former) campaign manager roughed up one of their female reporters. Their leader is taking a job as Trump’s Chief Nazi Strategist.

The thing is, Trump doesn’t decide who gets investigated. The president does not do that. If he does do that then he and his Justice Department are breaking the law. Donald Trump is either a huge liar who lied all along or he doesn’t know what his new job entails. It’s not king. I don’t care if he does convince Scotland to move windmills away from his golf club.

Donald Trump is going to break a lot of promises so his supporters should get used to it. Now he says he’s “open minded” about climate change and wants to keep parts of Obamacare. You know that wall he promised and you voted for? Yeah, that’s now gonna be a fence and in some parts, an imaginary wall. You fell for the sales pitch of a con man.

If you’re a liberal disappointed that Trump won’t pursue punishing his political enemy because you wanted to see him impeached, don’t worry. He’s guaranteeing us the most corrupt administration in American history. He’s holding meetings with foreign leaders and bringing up his business and having his daughter, who will lead his company, in on the meetings. He’s stated that a president “can’t have a conflict of interest,” which is like when Nixon said “it’s not illegal if the president does it.” Maybe this is something he will learn.

Creative stuff: This is the second Thanksgiving themed cartoon I’ve drawn this year. It’s also the last since I’m not usually fond of them and this is dated for Thanksgiving day. Some cartoonists continue to draw holiday themed cartoons even after the particular holiday is over. I don’t get that. At least I didn’t use the pardon or a Pilgrim about to chop off a Turkey head.

I had fun with Trump’s mouth. That didn’t sound right. Let me rephrase it. I had fun DRAWING Trump’s mouth for this one. I tried something a little bit different and took a cue from Alec Baldwin’s impersonation of Trump he performs on Saturday Night Live. He does this thing where he leaves his mouth hanging open, like a mouth breather, and gives the impression he’s confused and trying to think with great difficulty. It really works.

I research some bizarre stuff for my cartoons and today I researched Tofurky. Yes, I spelled it correctly. I would have spelled it “Tofurkey” if I hadn’t looked it up (and I just noticed the trending hashtag on Twitter spells it incorrectly). Tofurky is actually the copyrighted name of a product. It’s meatless turkey made from tofu (bleah) and soy (double bleah) and it looks kinda like a roast you don’t want to eat. During my research I even went over a taste test of veggie turkey dinners and some looked like a roast and others resembled cat food. Apparently they all tasted kinda like cat food except for one, which wasn’t Tofurky. I don’t know for sure what I’ll be having on Thursday but I guarantee you it won’t be Tofurky.

Several years ago I was seeing a girl who is Jewish and I went to her home on Thanksgiving. There wasn’t any turkey or cranberry sauce but they had a brisket. On the way home I had to stop at Wawa for their “gobbler” bowl thingy. It wasn’t Thanksgiving for me without turkey, cranberry sauce, and stuffing.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Politics For Gobblers


cjones11212016

I know several of my clients will want a Thanksgiving cartoon this week. Sometimes I just ignore that as I’m not a fan of holiday-cliche cartoons. They can be so boring. Worst than sports cartoons. Blah! But I didn’t mind doing this one as I’ve been doing a lot of mean cartoons lately…or forever. My next cartoon will be mean.

I’ve discovered a lot of people, even my readers, love these type of cartoons way more than I do.

I don’t have to worry about the family Thanksgiving thing since I don’t have family in Virginia. If someone did invite me for Thanksgiving they probably wouldn’t be Trump fans so I’d be in the clear.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Sitting At The Adults’ Table


cjones11232015

It wasn’t hard finding a lie for each of these candidates. The hard part was deciding which lies to use.

It is funny that the more ridiculous the candidate, the higher he or she polls. Though I must say I’m going to miss Carly and Dr. Ben after they’re done crashing.

That’s what happens after too much turkey.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!