Subpoena

Hardee Times for the MyPillow Guy


Mike Lindell, a former crackhead who now sells shitty pillows and absurd conspiracy theories was served with a subpoena this week and had his cell phone seized by the FBI. How do we know this? Because Mike Lindell told us and displayed a picture of the subpoena on his online TV show, which I just found out is a thing.

Taking into account that we learned of this through Lindell, you’d be justified to believe Pillow Goon is lying again. But, an FBI spokesperson from the Denver office issued a statement that didn’t confirm Lindell was served with a subpoena and had his phone taken away, but it did say, “Without commenting on this specific matter, I can confirm that the FBI was at that location executing a search warrant authorized by a federal judge.”

The statement didn’t just say they were there for curly fries. Why would I make a curly fries joke? Because this happened at a Hardee’s drive-thru. Why do I always confuse Hardee’s with Arby’s despite the fact Hardee’s stole Carl Jr’s yellow star sign. I don’t know. All three are places I never go to.

FBI agents served Lindell with a grand jury subpoena in Mankato, Minnesota. He said agents questioned him about Tina Peters, the Mesa County, Colorado clerk who was indicted in March on charges that she helped an outsider copy sensitive data from the county’s elections systems in May 2021.

The FBI is conducting multiple investigations into alleged security breaches of local elections offices in Colorado, Arizona, Georgia, Michigan, and Thighland. These investigations are separate from their January 6 coup attempt investigation and their stolen documents at Mar-a-Lago investigation. There’s also a state investigation in Georgia over Trump’s attempt to have the state’s Secretary of State flip the election for him and other election fraud shenanigans from goons like Rudy Giuliani.

Lindell said the FBI agents also asked him about an image copied from a Mesa County voting machine that was published on his website, Frank Speech. At first, I thought “Frank Speech” was a person.

Lindell said he wasn’t involved in the copying of Mesa County’s election management system and did not meet Peters until she attended a “cyber symposium” he held in South Dakota in August 2021. Regarding the Colorado election fuckery, he said, “I have no idea what went on then. I have nothing to do with it.”

Lindell actually sent his private jet to bring Peters to his bullshit hater symposium and paid for her lodgings, security, and now lawyers. He probably splurged and super-sized her combo meals too.

Lindell has used his pillow fortune to promote the Big Lie that there was rampant voter fraud in the 2020 election and that Trump is the actual winner. He’s paid for films and conferences on the bullshit. Dominion Voting Machines is suing Lindell for defamation.

Now, Lindell, Trump, and other MAGAts are crying like little beyotches over him having his phone seized and being served with a grand jury subpoena while in a Hardee’s drive-thru.

These fuckers think this is Highlander but instead of churches being the holy ground sanctuary where combat is forbidden, it’s Hardee’s drive-thrus. Is it just Hardee’s or can you also declare sanctuary at Whataburger?

Others are declaring that serving a subpoena to a pillow fucker in a drive-thru is fascism. No, fascism only happens at Burger King. You know that king wasn’t elected and has the job Trump wants…a monarch with access to unlimited hamberders.

Music Note: I didn’t listen to anything today.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

Watch me draw:

Rudy Tooty Colludy Subpoodied


CjonesRBG01222022

The January 6 Committee has issued subpoenas for Jenna Ellis, Boris Epshteyn (you can’t have a good Trump controversy without a Boris), Sidney Powell, and Rudy Giuliani. This should be fun.

Jenna Ellis drafted a memo on how then-President (sic) Trump could invalidate the election results by exploiting an obscure law. Sidney Powell worked on election lawsuits, spread wild conspiracy theories about voting machines, China, George Soros, the Clintons, and Hugo Chavez, all while raising money on the Big Lie. And Boris chased down false allegations of voter fraud in Arizona and Nevada and worked with the Trump administration (sic) to delay the certification of Biden’s election victory. But Rudy….oh, Rudy. Sweet, sweet Rudy.

Rudy Giuliani, who some still call “America’s Mayor,” is an international embarrassment. Being a Trump sycophant is bad enough, but to go from America’s Mayor to a ridiculous lying farty Trump poodle with leaky hair that people are laughing at is something totally original.

Rudy Giuliani was an embarrassment making contradictory claims on CNN and Fox News. He eventually made his lies exclusive to Fox News as CNN anchors kept asking him real questions, like, “Did you just admit to something you had just denied?”. Fun stuff.

Remember when Trump claimed he had no knowledge about hush payments to porn star Stormy Daniels who he had raw-dogged in a Las Vegas hotel room after she spanked him with a rolled-up magazine that had his daughter’s photo on it, and then Rudy went on Hannity and told him the president (sic) paid back Cohen after he had “funneled” the money to Stormy Daniels? Remember Hannity’s face when learning this information after previously using his show to declare how there had never been any hush payments? Remember Hannity’s face when he asked, “funneled”?

Remember when Trump said there was no quid pro quo by withholding military aid from Ukraine until they announced they were investigating Joe Biden, and then a tape came out with Giuliani offering Ukraine officials a quid pro quo and that their president could be invited to the United States and have a meeting with Trump if the investigations were announced? Good times.

After the election, Giuliani brought failed lawsuits and hearings to state legislators to overturn the election. He advised Trump to seize voting machines. He spread lies about Dominion Voting Systems, the company that provided the voting machines, who are now suing Giuliani for billions. Yes, billions with a “B”.

Remember when Giuliani scheduled a press conference at the Four Seasons Hotel in Pennsylvania, but fucked up and scheduled it in the parking lot at Four Seasons Total Landscaping, which was next to a sex shop? Remember how he went ahead and held the press conference anyway?

Remember the press conference where Rudy’s hair started leaking black goo?

Remember the legislative hearing when Rudy was farty?

Remember the hearing before the Michigan legislature where he brought a witness he had failed to vet beforehand? Remember how his unvetted witness made wild claims about voter fraud she never witnessed?

Remember all the times Rudy spoke before courts and legislatures despite failing to research what he was talking about?

Remember when Rudy invited what he thought was an underage girl into his private hotel room “for a drink,” but was instead punked by Borat? Great times.

Remember when Rudy called for “trial by combat”? You should remember that because it was at the Trump rally on January 6, 2020, right before Trump’s white nationalist goon squad attacked the United States Capitol in an attempt to overturn a democratically-held election to install Trump as a fascist dictator. Again, good times.

Rudy sucks at using phones. Remember the time he butt-dialed a reporter who got to overhear Rudy ranting about the Bidens being corrupt? Remember when he did it again to the same reporter, laying out a strategy to raise money for his “Investigations,” saying, “The problem is we need some money”?

Remember when Rudy called Senator Tommy Tuberville on January 6 in an attempt to block certification of the election and left a voicemail, except he accidentally called Senator Mike Lee? Remember on the recording when he said about the election certification, “We need you, our Republican friends, to try to just slow it down.”?

Remember that Rudy actually owns a cybersecurity firm but that he once needed an Apple employee to help him unlock his phone.

Remember when Rudy’s two associates, Lev and Igor (you can’t have a good Trump controversy without an Igor) who were helping him conduct “investigations” into Joe and Hunter Biden, were caught funneling Russian money to Republican candidates in the 2018 midterms?

Remember when Rudy had his law license suspended by the state of New York for making “demonstrably false and misleading statements” in courts?

Robert Costello, Rudy’s lawyer, called the subpoena “political theater” and said Giuliani would be covered by executive privilege, should Trump invoke it, as well as attorney-client privilege. But, Donald Trump can’t cite executive privilege because he’s not president (sic) anymore. Also, being an attorney for a criminal doesn’t protect you when you’re also his co-conspirator. Go ask Michael Cohen about that one.

Rudy’s shithead attorney also said, “They’re not going to charge Rudy Giuliani with anything, and they’re also not going to get any information from Rudy Giuliani factually.” Both statements are true. They’re not going to charge Rudy with anything because the January 6 committee can’t charge anyone. They can only refer charges. And, like shithead attorney said, the committee will not get anything “factually” out of Rudy because Rudy will lie his little greasy balls off. All they’re going to get from Rudy Giuliani will be farts and lies and lies and farts.

Remember when Rudy Giuliani was a respectable United States Attorney for the Southern District of New York? Remember when Rudy Giuliani was a respectable mayor of New York City? Remember when Rudy Giuliani had a license to practice law? Remember when Rudy Giuliani was not an international laughingstock?

Music Note: I listened to some Rolling Stones, Stone Temple Pilots, The Verve, and The Verve Pipe (those last two, because they’re right next to each other alphabetically) while drawing today’s cartoon.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

Watch me draw: