Santa Claus

Nosy Republicans

This should not come as a surprise to anyone but a brand new lie has been discovered from Republican congressman-elect, George Santos.

You remember this Republican idiot. He won a Long Island congressional district that includes parts of Queens, and then we learned last week that basically everything he claimed about his past is a lie.

He lied about his education, claiming he has a degree (he does not) and that he went to two New York City universities that he never attended. He lied about being Jewish, now saying he didn’t say “Jewish,” but “Jew-ish.” He lied about his ancestry. He lied about where he worked and a charity he invented. He lied about having employees who were at the Pulse nightclub in Orlando during a mass shooting. He lied about being a landlord when the fact is he was an evicted tenant. He lied about his income.

George Santos is a pathological liar.

When I wrote about this last week, I joked that he might have lied about being an openly gay Republican. He says he’s been out and proud for the past decade and it’s revolutionary for a gay Latino Republican to win a congressional seat. But now The Daily Beast (I just signed up for a year’s subscription for $25 and this is the first time I’m getting to use it for my research) is reporting that Santos got a divorce within two weeks of announcing his candidacy for Congress.

Now Santos says he lives in Long Island with his husband and four dogs. That’s nice…but there’s no record of him being married to the guy he claims is his husband. But what we did find was a divorce… from a woman. And it wouldn’t surprise me if Santos is lying about those four dogs.

People get married for different reasons and plenty of gay people have married the opposite sex. But Santos claims he’s been out and proud for the past decade…when he was married to a woman, which he must not have been proud about because he kept it from his voters. Why he was married to a woman is his business and I’m not trying to pry into that. What I think is scandalous is that he kept it from his voters.

Santos admitted in an interview that he lied about his education and some of his work history and blows it off, comparing it to people who fudge their resumés. But if you lie on a job application the way Santos did to win a seat in Congress, you’d get fired. Baskin-Robbins fired Ant-Man for lying about his criminal past, though they did let him grab a Mango Fruit Blast on his way out the door, off the books of course. “Baskin-Robbins don’t play”. But Republicans, having fewer ethics than Baskin-Robbins, won’t push Santos out because they don’t care. If anything, they might become even more comfortable with him since he was once married to a woman….so maybe he’s not all gay.

And speaking of criminal pasts (although Ant-Man’s was a “cool” crime), Santos may be wanted in Brazil.

Republicans are liars so they’ll be OK with one more, especially with only a nine-seat advantage over Democrats in the House. They know if they remove Santos, which is within their power, that a Democrat will probably, most certainly, win his seat in a special election. And Santos better not get too comfortable in Congress because he will not be re-elected in 2024.

Now, while Republicans say they have ethics and the truth is important to them while they don’t force Santos out, watch their noses grow.

What House Republicans should do is fire George Santos, but let him grab a Mango Fruit Blast on his way out the door.

Creative note: I knew other cartoonists were gonna go for the Pinocchio cliché after this story hit, and I saw one yesterday. I took a break while drawing this and saw three more in a collection on Instagram (gathered by my friend Courtney Clift). Crap, I just saw another one on Facebook. Some of those guys are using it because they’re lazy (I liked one of them). I’m using it because I’m not lazy and kinda dreaded the work this one would entail. I’m pretty certain I missed something, like coloring a leaf, and I’ll spot it three days from now.

It is a good time to use the cliché as Guillermo Del Toro’s Pinocchio came out a few weeks ago, and it’s excellent. I didn’t expect to enjoy it as much as I did and plan to watch it again. You should too.

Music note: Today’s music to color to was provided by Counting Crows.

Facebook Suspension Update: There are 15 days left in my Facebook suspension for typing the word “Taliban.” Here’s Quannah’s countdown clock.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

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Doxxing Santa

I don’t know why, but I love NORAD’s Santa Tracker. I open it on Christmas eve and watch Santa and his reindeer fly around the planet. Maybe it’s because I’m a geography buff or I just love the imagination with it. I’m not even that much of a Christmas fan, but I like the Santa Tracker. I leave it open in a tab while doing other things. I’m a multitasker.

I do wish the Santa Tracker was online when my kid was little because then I could have used it to get him to go to bed. But then again, he could have used it against me too like pointing out that Santa was in New Zealand, so he could stay up for a few more hours.

This year, however, you may not be able to keep track of Santa by following NORAD’s Santa Tracker Twitter account because Elon has rules against doxxing. Although, Santa Claus is pretty generous, doesn’t share hate, and despite being all clad in red, he’s not a MAGAT, so maybe the rules won’t apply to doxxing his location. Elon seems to be making up new Twitter rules as he goes along.

Last week, he suspended an account for tracking his private jet, which is public information. Elon created this rule out of self-interest and didn’t tell anyone until he suspended the jet-tracking account. Later, he suspended the accounts of several journalists who had linked to the jet account or stories about the jet account. He suspended some just for mentioning it.

A few days ago, Elon suspended the account of a Washington Post reporter for doxxing the location of the creator of the account Libs of Tiktok, which is an anti-LGBTQ hate account. The funny thing though, the reporter did the doxxing last April by revealing the creator as Brooklyn real estate agent Chaya Raichik. Now when I post the link to this blog, I’ll be in violation of Elon’s Twitter rules but he probably won’t notice because I’m not a big deal.

Elon believes that tweeting hate on his platform anonymously is OK, but outing them is a terms-of-service violation.

The suspension of Taylor Lorenz’s account also came after she had tagged him in a tweet seeking a comment on a story, which he must not have liked.

Let’s hope Elon doesn’t suspend me or NORAD for Christmas. He’s currently looking for someone to replace him, but I don’t know if he can find someone who’s that much of an asshole.

Music note: Today’s tunes to toon to was by Jefferson Airplane.

Facebook Suspension Update: There are 23 days left in my Facebook suspension for typing the word “Taliban.” Here’s Quannah’s countdown clock.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

Watch me draw:

Laptop Wishes

Here’s a Santa’s lap cartoon about Hunter Biden’s laptop. I’m not a big fan of using the Santa’s lap cliché in political cartoons, but I liked the correlation here. Maybe I’m the only one who will get it. But I also wanted to take the opportunity to use Christmas to point out once again that there is NOTHING on this laptop incriminating or that provides any evidence of illegalities by either Hunter or his father, President Joe Biden.

Republicans make a lot of noise about Hunter Biden’s laptop and the Twitter Files without stating what’s in them or what they’re about. Most of the time when they mention either, it’s the mentioning that’s supposed to raise the alarm bells. But when they do claim that something is in them, they’re often lying. And some of the actual stuff that’s on the laptop they mention doesn’t really mean anything.

I was going to analyze and go over this cartoon for all the lies in it, but decided it’s not worth the time or grief it’ll bring, but trust me…everything in it is a lie, like on the level of a Ben Garrison lie. It’s ironic it’s titled “Except for the Facts, why worry?” when it doesn’t actually contain any facts. But what else would you expect from an American citizen and so-called journalist who works for a Russian state-owned propaganda outlet?

Republicans have nothing with this laptop business, but they’re going to make a lot of noise about it over the next two years without proving anything. Nothing criminal will ever come from it.

If you’re younger than ten, stop reading right here, but Santa Claus doesn’t exist…and neither does anything incriminating on Hunter’s laptop.

Music note: I listened to Outkast, but not to “Hey ya.”

Facebook Suspension note: I’m still suspended for 26 days. One of my friends made a countdown clock. Thank you, Quannah.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

Watch me draw:

Christmas Conspiracies

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During the impeachment hearings last year, Corey Lewandowsky whined when a Congressman mentioned that Santa Claus doesn’t exist. Corey was indignant because his young children were watching and now…they only had all the bullshit their father spreads to believe in. So, I hope Corey Lewandowsky’s children aren’t reading today’s blog.

If Donald Trump sat on Santa’s lap and asked for a litany of bullshit like proof of voter fraud, witnesses, affidavits, and forensic evidence, Santa wouldn’t be able to give him any of it. Why? Because like Santa Claus, none of those things exist. Santa also wouldn’t be able to give Trump another four years or a pardon. Maybe Donald Trump should go back and sit on Rudy Giuliani’s lap or better yet…be like Melania and say “fuck Christmas.”

It’s been nearly a month since the election and Donald Trump is still spreading lies about it. In the process, he’s undermining democracy. He’s even calling Republicans officials who won’t steal the election for him in their states, “enemy of the people.” As a member of the group he first accused of being the enemy of the people, I say welcome to the club. I’m old school “enemy of the people.” Dictators call people who report facts or won’t help them in their corruption “enemy of the people.” Donald Trump is not a dictator, but he will be if he steals this election.

How old are Corey Lewandowsky’s kids? Are any of them too old to believe in Santa yet? How about believing in Donald Trump?

Most Trump supporters are too old to believe in Santa Claus. But being the Qanon fuckwits that they be, they still believe in bullshit Donald Trump says like there was mass voter fraud in 2016 even though he hasn’t been able to prove it over the past four years. They still believe him when he says there was voter fraud in 2020 despite the lack of evidence and despite the inability of his legal team to present any evidence in the nearly 40 court cases that have been tossed out. They believe Trump when he says votes were moved from Trump to Biden. They believe communists, the Clinton Foundation, George Soros, and the dearly departed Hugo Chavez stole the election for Joe Biden. Seriously, Santa Claus is easier to believe in than all this Trump bullshit.

Trump supporters, you’re too old for this. Just because Donald Trump is a raging idiot who believes in conspiracy theories doesn’t mean you have to be one too. You can do better than Donald Trump. And stop giving him money to steal the election. If he’s as rich as you’ve been bragging about over the past four years, he shouldn’t need it. Let him fund his own election steal.

And if Santa Claus truly did exist, Donald Trump would be on his naughty list for being a liar, racist, sexist, traitor, grifter, and for ripping families apart and throwing babies in jail. I don’t have a naughty list but I do have a worthless lying orange shit-for-brains racist sexist grifter list. Guess whose name is on that.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. And since someone asked this morning, yes. You can still get a signed print for $40.

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Trump Ruins Everything

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Imagine your kid calls into the NORAD Santa Tracker to talk to one of the trackers about Santa’s whereabouts and instead, your child gets the president of the United States. Wow! How exciting that must be…unless that president is Donald Trump. Then it’s horrifying.

One unfortunate seven-year-old’s dumb luck got him the president, who said, “Are you still a believer in Santa? Because at 7, it’s marginal, right?” Why, why, why would he say that? Oh yeah. Because he’s the dumbest, rudest, most idiotic president in the history of presidents.

The child didn’t call for reassurance about the existence of Santa Claus. It’s like Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin telling Wall Street not to worry because the banks haven’t run out of money. Mnuchin told the banks they needed to worry about banks running out of money and Trump told a small child that her parents may have been lying to her for her entire life.

By saying it was “marginal” at her age, Trump was saying that she’s at the age where children usually catch on to the whole Santa thing. But children should learn the truth about Santa from their parents, not the president of the United States. How would he feel if someone called Eric and told him there’s no Santa?

Mike Huckabee, the father of Trump’s main spokesgoon defended Trump and said, “It wasn’t like he was boiling the little girl’s bunny rabbit in a pot on the stove or something.” So, how many times in the past has Trump boiled a child’s rabbit?

Stock market, economy, relationship with our allies, trust in our nation, the entire government, even Christmas….Donald Trump ruins everything.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

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Have A Cocked And Loaded Christmas

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Note to my conservative friends: There is more than one use for the word “cocked.”

Back when I was a staff cartoonists I was always required to draw cartoons commemorating Christmas, Thanksgiving, Veterans’ Day, Memorial Day and whatever else came up. I hated them. It was like approaching the drawing board with the mission “draw a bad cartoon today.”

There’s a lot to miss not being on staff at a newspaper. I miss the paycheck and benefits. I miss the people. I miss the arguments in the newsroom. I don’t miss the required pandering. My editor ran the same syndicated cartoon every year on Christmas Eve of Santa in his sleigh waving a newspaper with the headline “Santa visits Fredericksburg.” The cartoon had a blank spot where editors could paste the name of their town. I would argue with him every year to stop running the cartoon and ask “how many readers of our editorial page still believe in Santa Claus?” I stopped fighting him about it after a few years and just took the day off.

Since I don’t have editors cracking whips on me anymore then I’m not going to purposely draw bad cartoons. I’ll draw them and realize they’re bad later.

I’m not against using holidays as metaphors and analogies. They are current events. I do hate the tired cliches like sitting on Santa’s lap asking for stuff. I refuse to draw that cartoon ever again. Though back on my staff days, I’d save the lap analogy for a tough idea day in December when deadline was looming. It was always an easy out. Now I just try harder. Freedom and drawing your own ethical lines is expensive, but it’s kinda worth it.

I hope each and every single one of you has a happy holiday, Christmas, whatever you wanna call it. I don’t have any plans so I’ll probably be drawing cartoons.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!