Santa Claus

Christmas Conspiracies


During the impeachment hearings last year, Corey Lewandowsky whined when a Congressman mentioned that Santa Claus doesn’t exist. Corey was indignant because his young children were watching and now…they only had all the bullshit their father spreads to believe in. So, I hope Corey Lewandowsky’s children aren’t reading today’s blog.

If Donald Trump sat on Santa’s lap and asked for a litany of bullshit like proof of voter fraud, witnesses, affidavits, and forensic evidence, Santa wouldn’t be able to give him any of it. Why? Because like Santa Claus, none of those things exist. Santa also wouldn’t be able to give Trump another four years or a pardon. Maybe Donald Trump should go back and sit on Rudy Giuliani’s lap or better yet…be like Melania and say “fuck Christmas.”

It’s been nearly a month since the election and Donald Trump is still spreading lies about it. In the process, he’s undermining democracy. He’s even calling Republicans officials who won’t steal the election for him in their states, “enemy of the people.” As a member of the group he first accused of being the enemy of the people, I say welcome to the club. I’m old school “enemy of the people.” Dictators call people who report facts or won’t help them in their corruption “enemy of the people.” Donald Trump is not a dictator, but he will be if he steals this election.

How old are Corey Lewandowsky’s kids? Are any of them too old to believe in Santa yet? How about believing in Donald Trump?

Most Trump supporters are too old to believe in Santa Claus. But being the Qanon fuckwits that they be, they still believe in bullshit Donald Trump says like there was mass voter fraud in 2016 even though he hasn’t been able to prove it over the past four years. They still believe him when he says there was voter fraud in 2020 despite the lack of evidence and despite the inability of his legal team to present any evidence in the nearly 40 court cases that have been tossed out. They believe Trump when he says votes were moved from Trump to Biden. They believe communists, the Clinton Foundation, George Soros, and the dearly departed Hugo Chavez stole the election for Joe Biden. Seriously, Santa Claus is easier to believe in than all this Trump bullshit.

Trump supporters, you’re too old for this. Just because Donald Trump is a raging idiot who believes in conspiracy theories doesn’t mean you have to be one too. You can do better than Donald Trump. And stop giving him money to steal the election. If he’s as rich as you’ve been bragging about over the past four years, he shouldn’t need it. Let him fund his own election steal.

And if Santa Claus truly did exist, Donald Trump would be on his naughty list for being a liar, racist, sexist, traitor, grifter, and for ripping families apart and throwing babies in jail. I don’t have a naughty list but I do have a worthless lying orange shit-for-brains racist sexist grifter list. Guess whose name is on that.

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Trump Ruins Everything


Imagine your kid calls into the NORAD Santa Tracker to talk to one of the trackers about Santa’s whereabouts and instead, your child gets the president of the United States. Wow! How exciting that must be…unless that president is Donald Trump. Then it’s horrifying.

One unfortunate seven-year-old’s dumb luck got him the president, who said, “Are you still a believer in Santa? Because at 7, it’s marginal, right?” Why, why, why would he say that? Oh yeah. Because he’s the dumbest, rudest, most idiotic president in the history of presidents.

The child didn’t call for reassurance about the existence of Santa Claus. It’s like Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin telling Wall Street not to worry because the banks haven’t run out of money. Mnuchin told the banks they needed to worry about banks running out of money and Trump told a small child that her parents may have been lying to her for her entire life.

By saying it was “marginal” at her age, Trump was saying that she’s at the age where children usually catch on to the whole Santa thing. But children should learn the truth about Santa from their parents, not the president of the United States. How would he feel if someone called Eric and told him there’s no Santa?

Mike Huckabee, the father of Trump’s main spokesgoon defended Trump and said, “It wasn’t like he was boiling the little girl’s bunny rabbit in a pot on the stove or something.” So, how many times in the past has Trump boiled a child’s rabbit?

Stock market, economy, relationship with our allies, trust in our nation, the entire government, even Christmas….Donald Trump ruins everything.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

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Have A Cocked And Loaded Christmas


Note to my conservative friends: There is more than one use for the word “cocked.”

Back when I was a staff cartoonists I was always required to draw cartoons commemorating Christmas, Thanksgiving, Veterans’ Day, Memorial Day and whatever else came up. I hated them. It was like approaching the drawing board with the mission “draw a bad cartoon today.”

There’s a lot to miss not being on staff at a newspaper. I miss the paycheck and benefits. I miss the people. I miss the arguments in the newsroom. I don’t miss the required pandering. My editor ran the same syndicated cartoon every year on Christmas Eve of Santa in his sleigh waving a newspaper with the headline “Santa visits Fredericksburg.” The cartoon had a blank spot where editors could paste the name of their town. I would argue with him every year to stop running the cartoon and ask “how many readers of our editorial page still believe in Santa Claus?” I stopped fighting him about it after a few years and just took the day off.

Since I don’t have editors cracking whips on me anymore then I’m not going to purposely draw bad cartoons. I’ll draw them and realize they’re bad later.

I’m not against using holidays as metaphors and analogies. They are current events. I do hate the tired cliches like sitting on Santa’s lap asking for stuff. I refuse to draw that cartoon ever again. Though back on my staff days, I’d save the lap analogy for a tough idea day in December when deadline was looming. It was always an easy out. Now I just try harder. Freedom and drawing your own ethical lines is expensive, but it’s kinda worth it.

I hope each and every single one of you has a happy holiday, Christmas, whatever you wanna call it. I don’t have any plans so I’ll probably be drawing cartoons.

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