Rand Paul

Rand Paul’s Dirty Pool


cjones03272020

In case you don’t know, Rand Paul has tested positive for the coronavirus. He’s the first senator to test positive and most likely, not the last. Especially since Rand Paul was the first.

While waiting for his test results, Rand worked out in the Senate gym and swam in the Senate pool. He also met with several people including fellow Senators. He probably sneezed on every handrail in the Capitol while he was at it.

Rand Paul is the kind of guy you want to avoid even when he’s not going to contaminate you with something.

And you might wanna drain that pool, à la Bill Murray in Caddyshack.

This is a bonus cartoon so you’re not getting a long blog with it.

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To Solemnly Lickspittle


cjones01192020

I spent last Thursday morning nauseous and queasy from food poisoning. This morning, I was looking up photos of Senate Republicans, so yeah…another Thursday morning feeling nauseous and queasy.

Senate Republicans have already abandoned the oath they swore to when they took office. You know, that quaint idea of protecting and defending the United States of America from all forms of aggression, foreign and domestic. Because with Donald Trump, our nation’s received forms for aggression, foreign and domestic. How have Senate Republicans responded to it? They’ve all rolled over for belly rubs.

On the 2016 campaign trail, Donald Trump gave loyalty oaths at his hate rallies. He defended the practice from comparisons to the oaths Hitler demanded as “fun.” Republicans in Congress haven’t had a problem with the oath, at least not since the election. Before Trump was elected was another matter.

Lindsey Graham said of Trump, “He’s a race-baiting, xenophobic, religious bigot,” and “You know how you make America great again? Tell Donald Trump to go to hell.” Now, he promises not to be a fair juror in Trump’s impeachment trial which is starting next week and said “I’ve clearly made up my mind, I’m not trying to hide the fact that I have disdain for the accusations and the process.”

Ted Cruz called Trump a “pathological liar” and a “sniveling coward” after Trump retweeted a meme comparing the beauty between their wives. Now, he’s defending coming to a conclusion before the trial.

Marco Rubio said, “No senator can be impartial.” Back in 2016, he was making fun of the size of Trump’s penis.

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell has resisted calling witnesses, despite new ones coming out every day stating how Trump was trying to bribe a foreign leader to help his reelection. McConnell is totally coordinating the trial with the White House.

This morning, Senate Republicans are going to take an impeachment oath they’ve already promised to break. You can argue that Democrats are doing the same, but at least they can base their opinion that Trump is guilty on the fact that all the witnesses, documents, and facts support that Trump is guilty.

And the Republicans who are promising to be openminded will only do so if they don’t have to hear any more witnesses or evidence against Trump. The only way this could be any worse would be if we found out later that one of the Senators was helping Trump bribe Ukraine. But fortunately, the guy who did that in Congress is in the House.

The impeachment trial of Donald Trump beings next week and should continue for two more. But this morning, Republicans will get a head start by swearing on an oath they don’t have any intention to follow. At the same time, they don’t have any intention of representing the United States.

Creative note: Can’t recognize all the Republicans and wanna give up? Here you go. Left to right (top row); Tom Cotton, Rand Paul, Rick Scott, Joni Ernst, Jerry Moran, Ben Sasse (bottom row) Mitch McConnell, Lindsey Graham, Ted Cruz, Cindy Hyde-Smith, John Kennedy (very bottom) Marco Rubio.

Support the cartoonist.

You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

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New Book: Tales From The Trumpster Fire

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Cross Hairs For Whistleblower


cjones11092019

It’s Taco and Bonus Toon Tuesday here at Claytoonz Central. But since I ate all the tacos Amanda made for me, you get the cartoon.

I sketched this idea out a few weeks ago and even shared it in one of my posts showing you rough sketches. Sometimes I wonder if I shouldn’t reveal a few of them as I might want to go back to them. This is one of those. It’s simple and I figured I could whip it out within 20 minutes. I was wrong. It took about two hours, but I did take a break for tacos.

There’s only one reason Republicans like Donald Trump and Rand Paul want the whistleblower to be revealed. It’s because they can’t attack the context. Listen to what Trump says about the guy and, if you’re not a Republican, you’ll notice he only has lies.

Last night, at a Trump hate rally in Kentucky, Rand Paul demanded the media do its job and reveal the whistleblower. First off, Rand, it’s not the media’s job to expose the whistleblower and put his life in danger. What he’s reported is more important than who he is. We already know what he is. Rand Paul is the last person, other than Donald Trump, who would have a clue as to the media’s job.

Second, Republicans only want to discredit the whistleblower because they can’t discredit the accusations. They can’t discredit the truth.

The law protects whistleblowers. Government employees are actually required to take classes on whistleblowing. Anyone in the government who tries to expose a whistleblower should be removed, like Donald Trump and Rand Paul. I think trying to expose the whistleblower should be added to the charges that will be used to impeach Donald Trump.

There is a real danger to trying to expose the whistleblower. Do you remember Comet Pizza? There was a conspiracy theory that Hillary Clinton was running a child sex slave ring out of the basement of a Washington, D.C. pizza parlor. There weren’t any child sex slaves. The pizza place didn’t have any connection to Hillary Clinton. The pizza place didn’t even have a basement. Yet, a conservative lunatic who was troll bait for Russia’s campaign to elect Trump drove to Washington with the agenda to shoot up the pizza parlor.

Do you remember the shooting at a Planned Parenthood in Colorado Springs in 2015? The shooter killed three people because he believed in the Republican lie, made from doctored videos, that they were selling dead baby body parts. To this day, “pro-life” people still believe Planned Parenthood is selling baby body parts.

Already, the lawyers for the whistleblower are receiving death threats. If Donald Trump and Rand Paul have their way, the whistleblower will be running for his life…or dead. Donald Trump and Rand Paul, like most Republicans, don’t have any shame.

Republicans are a threat to national security. Republicans cost lives. Don’t kill people. Don’t vote Republican.

Support the cartoonist.

You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch me draw.

If You’re Gullible…


cjones07042017

When I heard there was a story about NASA running a child slave colony on Mars, I thought it was coming from the Weekly World News. It sounds like something produced by the same people who gave us Bat Boy and Hitler’s brain in a jar. But apparently, people who get their news from conservative conspiracy theorists have their brains in a jar…or up their ass.

Instead of coming from a supermarket tabloid, the NASA slave colony story came from a source that’s on 118 radio stations nationwide and whose host was told by the president of the United States of America that his reputation is “amazing” and he would “win a Pulitzer in a long gone time of unbiased journalism.”

The Alex Jones Show (the same source that gave us the Pizzagate conspiracy theory that Hillary Clinton’s campaign was running a child sex ring in the basement of a D.C. pizza shop that doesn’t have a basement), gave credence to the NASA Mars colony conspiracy. What is it with Alex Jones, who was recently given prime time coverage by Megan Kelly, wanting to believe in children-sex-slaves conspiracies? He has a really sick mind.

The rumor gained so much traction, which isn’t helped by Trump’s belief and promotion of bullshit, that NASA actually had to issue an official denial that they are NOT running a child slave colony on Mars.

I’m really starting to lose faith in society. It’s like people will believe chocolate milk comes from brown cows, oh wait. As it turns out, there’s a shit ton of people who believe chocolate milk comes from brown cows. Granted, it was an online survey conducted by a dairy council, but it found that seven percent of Americans believe the brown cow story. You may think seven percent isn’t that bad, but seven percent of our nation is over 16 million people. That’s the population of Pennsylvania (which went to Donald Trump, by the way). In the interest of full disclosure, before I moved to Hawaii in 1997 I thought pineapples grew on trees.

If you believe NASA is operating a child-sex-ring on Mars and that chocolate milk isn’t produced by cocoa and sugar, but brown cows, then you will probably have faith that the Republican Congress can be trusted to repeal Obamacare, and replace it….eventually.

The Republicans controlled Congress during the Clinton and George W. Bush years. They never showed any interest in providing healthcare to Americans. During the Obama years, they voted to repeal the Affordable Healthcare Act multiple times, but never produced a replacement. It’s been over six months since they gained control of the White House, Senate and House, and they’ve yet to produce a workable healthcare plan. One might suspect that they just screamed and bitched for seven years without any ideas of their own. Hmmmm.

Donald Trump promised America that when Obamacare is repealed that it would be replaced immediately with “something better.” Now he’s buying into the Rand Paul idea of repealing now and replacing later. Rand Paul doesn’t like the government. He hates government spending on anything. If Obamacare is repealed I don’t expect him to produce any replacement ideas.

The Republicans floating this plan say there will be a deadline to deliver a replacement in a year. What happens if that deadline isn’t met? What coverage for Americans during that time frame? What about Americans lacking coverage when the GOP doesn’t deliver? If they repeal without replacing, they will not deliver. They’ve never cared in the past, they don’t care now, and they won’t care in the future. Repealing Obamacare now isn’t to help Americans with health insurance. It’s to deliver huge tax breaks for the rich.

Another threat from this idea is that we’ll move on from replacing Obamacare, and demand that the GOP have a replacement when they repeal. We can’t let them trick us into forgetting that repealing Obamacare is a really bad idea. They shouldn’t repeal Obamacare at all. They need to work with Democrats to make it better. The biggest problem Republicans and Trump have with Obamacare is that it’s called “Obamacare.”

The sad thing is, Trump’s supporters will believe he’ll eventually replace Obamacare. Of course, they also believe they’ll be fine if Obamacare is repealed because they’re covered by the Affordable Care Act. This is the same group that believes Trump won the popular vote, has the biggest crowds, was wiretapped by Obama, and that Trump will make America great again.

And they probably believe that brown cow Martian horse shit too.

Creative note: Yes, I took the Martian from the Tim Burton movie Mars Attacks. My regular readers know that I have a fondness for inserting movies that I love into my cartoons. Mars Attacks is not one of them. Great filmmaker. Huge star-studded cast. Yet, it totally sucked. Have you ever noticed that the more stars inserted in a film always means it’s going to be a terrible movie? Though with Mars Attacks, I still think the “ack ack ack ack” is funny.

It’s really hard being a one-man syndicate when editors (who receive death threats from Trump supporters) are afraid of cartoons with opinions, while I’m also competing against other syndicates with dozens of cartoonists (who offer lots of right-wing cartoons and the kind without any opinions). So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $50 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Debate Terms


cjones11042015

The Republicans have submitted debate demands to the networks. These include:

No “gotcha” questions. Basically any question a candidate can’t answer, like how their math doesn’t add up, is a gotcha question.

Nobody can bring props which really disappoints me. I was really hoping to see Ted Cruz make balloon animals.

They want a ten minute break. Apparently none of the candidates has a strong bladder. They’re not Hillary Clinton who can be grilled for 11 hours.

Each candidate will get a 30-second opening statement which was negotiated down from Ben Carson’s plan of 30-minute opening statements.

No lightning rounds which is sad because I was hoping candidates would get struck by lightning for each fib.

The temperature has to be kept at 67 degrees. I think this was a Rubio demand since they won’t let him bring a cooler on stage.

Donald Trump has said screw the Republican Party’s negotiations and he’ll negotiate separately. Does that mean the room will be like a fancy car’s air system where the area over Trump’s podium will be kept at a different temperature? Will Trump negotiate a lifeline?

I think I drew the candidates in bikinis a couple of months ago. I can’t remember when or what point I was making (I just looked it up. I drew them as transgenders and it was published June 2). I usually can’t remember what I drew yesterday. However I do remember that yesterday I drew soldiers in women’s heels. I don’t know why I like drawing guys in drag. I’m not right. I’m going to blame it on watching too many Bugs Bunny cartoons as a kid. I also like the idea that somewhere soon someone will gag on their Cheerios while reading their morning paper. I also get small pleasure when someone informs me I made them spit coffee on their keyboard.

You read these cartoons at your own risk. You know how warped my mind is.

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Trump!!!


cjones06182015

I’m really excited Donald Trump is actually in the race. He’s not pretending this time. He’s not teasing the nation’s cartoonists and comedians. He’s actually running. This is going to be good.

I’m also surprised he’s actually running. I felt he wouldn’t for a few reasons. One being that he wouldn’t invest his own money into such a horrible endeavor, stock, product, item, etc. The other reason is I figured he wouldn’t want to actually lose. Will what stock he has as a viable commentator on politics be diminished by his losing? Maybe not as several candidates get Fox News gigs after losing.

This will be fun. He’s going to throw bomb after bomb embarrassing his party. He’s already started. He’s ostracized every Mexican on the planet by saying they’re rapists. He’s attacked Jeb Bush for not wearing a tie. He’s pissed off Neil Young by using his song (he’s now using a Bachman Turner Overdrive song which makes me wonder why he’s only using music made by Canadians). To pack the room at his announcement he paid actors to attend and cheer. The entrance on the escalator was awesome. He’s also stated he wants Oprah Winfrey as his running mate. Unfortunately he’ll have to win the nomination before naming a running mate. Oh my God. Can you imagine a Trump/Palin ticket? I would run out of ink.

Thank you, Donald Trump. Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Say something else!

Know what’s funnier than Trump running? A lot of people want to vote for him. We have a lot of stupid in this country.

I actually had a hard time coming up with an idea. I rejected a lot of ideas. It seemed everything was obvious and being done. I am not going to make any clown references, especially a clown car reference. I try to say something in my cartoons that nobody else is saying, or find a different way to say it. Trump actually made that hard because he’s too easy. I decided to focus on the damage he’s bringing to the Republican party.

I didn’t get a birthday gift from anyone this year except Donald Trump.