Rand Paul

Fauci Pummels Paul


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You would think something like an international pandemic would be the sort of thing that unites us across political lines. And it has…in every country on the planet except this one. Here in the United States, it’s been politicized by the Right to attack the people who are working to save us, and cast them as villains.

The Right has made medical professionals, teachers, scientists, and most of all, Dr. Anthony Fauci, the bad guys throughout all of this. Dr. Anthony Fauci is the chief medical adviser on the coronavirus and director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases. Republicans have accused him of everything from creating mandates to shutting down businesses to murdering Beagles to creating the virus. No one has been more vile and despicable with this than Rand Paul. Every time Dr. Fauci has to testify before the Senate Health, Education, Labor, and Pensions Committee.

In yesterday’s installment of Rand Paul’s lies and gaslighting, he accused Dr. Fauci of orchestrating a smear campaign against right-wing “academics” who opposed shutdown measures in 2020. This would be like Rand Paul laughing at Bozo the Clown’s hair. As it turns out, the emails Rand Paul was using to make his case only showed that Dr. Fauci sent colleagues a link to a Wired article debunking claims about reaching “herd immunity.”

Then, Dr. Fauci exposed Rand Paul for his attacks and raising campaign money off the pandemic.

Dr. Fauci said Rand Paul’s lies and attacks on him have endangered the lives of him and his family. Fauci pointed out the arrest of a California man in Iowa last month who police said was traveling to Washington with an AR-15 rifle and multiple magazines of ammunition. The man allegedly had a “hit list” including Fauci and several others, mostly Democratic politicians. Where do you think these people get this hatred?

A few months ago, I was in a bar on a late afternoon getting some street tacos when Dr. Fauci came on the television. The man sitting next to me started ranting about Dr. Fauci and told me the doctor was responsible for killing people and was a murderer. Yes, I called the man out, but more to the point, this gaslighting and villainization is dangerous. Most goons will be like that bar idiot, talking stupid shit he doesn’t even know anything about. But then there are the guys like the would-be assassin caught in Iowa. It’s not the first time someone was inspired by conspiracy theories to go to Washington, D.C. with a hit list. Hello? Remember Pizzagate? Do we not learn anything or do we just not care? Probably both.

Rand Paul doesn’t care if he endangers anybody’s life. This jerk roamed around the Capitol complex while waiting for the results of a COVID test. He risked infecting hundreds if not thousands of people.

Dr. Fauci brought photocopies of Rand Paul’s website and pointed out he was making money from his attacks on Fauci. The website contains a graphic saying “Fire Dr. Fauci” and Dr. Fauci pointed it, “a little box that says contribute here.”

Pointing out the details on the website, Fauci said to Rand Paul, “You can do $5, $10, $20, $100. So you are making a catastrophic epidemic for your political gain.”

Every time Fauci has to testify before this committee, Rand Paul uses it to raise his political profile with the MAGAt base. Most news outlets’ headlines on yesterday’s hearing focused on the real story, Fauci fighting back against Rand Paul. But Fox News’ headline says, “Rand Paul Rips Fauci.” Everything that goon in the taco bar knows about the coronavirus and Dr. Fauci that’s not GOP and Fox News bullshit, he learned from me.

Rand Paul responded saying it’s “disappointing for you to suggest that people who dare to question you are responsible somehow for violent threats.” Then, I’m not making this up, Rand Paul sent out another mass fundraising email with the headline, “Fauci is hysterical.”

Rand Paul said in a statement after the hearing that he was one of the lawmakers at the baseball practice in which Republican congressman Steve Scalise and others were shot in 2017. Reports showed the shooter was a Bernie fan, and Paul said, “I never once accused Senator Sanders of being responsible for the attack and I resent Fauci avoiding the question by ginning up the idea that his opponents are the cause of threats.” Except, Bernie Sanders never gaslighted or lied about Steve Scalise…if he’s ever said his name. Bernie Sanders never sent out mass fundraising emails containing debunked conspiracy theories accusing people of creating and weaponizing viruses. The Waterboy’s mama ginned up for more hate against a sport than Bernie Sanders ever has when she said, “Foosball is the devil.”

Also, the only person who said stuff that incited Rand Paul’s neighbor to kick his ass (true story) was Rand Paul. To be fair, if you lived next door to Rand Paul, you’d probably wanna kick his ass too.

Later in the hearing, Fauci was caught on his mic calling another Republican senator a “moron.”

Roger Marshall, a Republican senator from Kansas, cited a Forbes story reporting that Fauci is the highest-paid federal employee, earning $434,312 in 2020. Marshall told Dr. Fauci that he needed to disclose his personal finances to the public.

Fauci said, “I don’t understand why you’re asking me that question. “My financial disclosure is public knowledge and has been so for the last 37 years or so.”

Marshall claimed the “big tech giants” won’t let anyone see Fauci’s salary…even though the Forbes article is literally on the internet and came up on the first page of a Google search. There’s also an article in The Week, and another in the New York Post, and another on Yahoo, and another in the Daily Mail, and another in The Independent, etc, etc… Each of those articles were on the first page of my Google search. Despite all these articles, Senator Marshall said, “We’ll continue to look for it. Where would we find it?” Kansas has the internet, right?

Dr. Fauci told the Senator, “”All you have to do is ask for it. You’re so misinformed, it’s extraordinary.” And then, Dr. Fauci muttered, “What a moron. Jesus Christ.”

Marshall released a statement that calling him a “moron” didn’t change the facts about Fauci funding “gain-of-function.”
Yeah, calling Senator Roger Marshall a “moron” doesn’t change the fact that he is a moron.

If Senator Roger Marshall wants to get to the bottom of a public servant’s finances that were truly hidden, then he should have looked down the bench and questioned Rand Paul about his wife’s investment, $15,000, into the company that makes remdesivir, a drug made to treat COVID, and that they failed to report for a year and a half.
Marshall will probably never read that story because it’s on the internet.

And, they wonder why so many people want to assault them.

Music note: I didn’t listen to anything while drawing this one.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 18 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

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Grinchy Paul


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Fun fact: Rand Paul is a jerk.

When Kentucky Senator Rand Paul isn’t screaming lies and conspiracy theories at Dr. Anthony Fauci, he’s blocking disaster relief…at least to states that are not Kentucky. How much do you have to suck to be the most despised Senator from your state even when the other senator is Mitch McConnell?

Rand Paul likes to argue he’s consistent in denying disaster relief to places hit by hurricanes, places such as Puerto Rico, Louisiana, Florida, Texas, New Jersey, New York, California, etc, etc. But he’s not consistent as he’s demanding disaster relief for his Kentucky after it was hit by tornadoes earlier this week. Maybe he voted for this one because he’s afraid that if he didn’t, his neighbor would kick his ass again.

During debates over disaster relief (yes, they had to debate this) for Texas, Florida, and Puerto Rico, Paul said, “People here will say they have great compassion and they want to help the people of Puerto Rico, the people of Texas, the people of Florida, but notice they have great compassion with someone else’s money. Ask them what they’re doing to help their fellow man.” Uh, by giving them disaster relief, you stupid fuck. That’s how they’re helping their fellow man…which is something they were elected to do. Rand Paul believes he was elected to be the nation’s number one asshole.

I suppose Rand Paul has finally found “great compassion with someone else’s money.” Rand Paul only wants to help Americans who are eligible to vote for him. If only there was a way we could single out who voted for who, so we give aid only to those who voted for the right candidate. Politicians, you serve every one of your constituents, even the ones who didn’t vote for you…or think you’re a dickless MAGAt lickspittle with your head up a giant orange ass.

The first relief package during the coronavirus pandemic passed in the Senate in March 2020 with only one senator voting against it. I’ll give you one guess who that Senator was (hint: He’s an asshole). Rand Paul also voted against aid for first responders who are still struggling with health problems from 9/11. How much federal medical insurance money do you think Rand Paul is going to demand for all the brain cells he burned out while his head was up Donald Trump’s ass?

Rand Paul claims he votes against federal assistance for people who aren’t eligible to vote for him because the money has to be borrowed. But where is the money coming from to provide disaster relief to Kentucky? Hell, where did the money come from to pay for Trump’s billionaire asshole tax cuts in 2017 that Rand Paul voted for? It didn’t come from inside Trump’s ass and Paul should know because that’s where his head’s been.

It’s not just Paul who’s a hypocrite here. In 2019, 43 of the 58 GOP House members who voted against a $19-billion disaster relief bill had earlier “demanded or endorsed emergency aid funding for their own states.” I apologize for using “asshole” for the hint to the previous question because there are a LOT of Republican assholes in Congress.

In 2013, a $50.5-billion relief package for Hurricane Sandy, which hit liberal Yankee states such as New Jersey and New York, was opposed by 39 Republicans in the Senate. Of those 39, 31 had demanded disaster aid for their own states. It’s kinda like when during the pandemic, Trump and his idiot son-in-law, one-half of Javanka, only wanted to help states that voted for Trump.

Here’s another fun fact: Of the states who receive the most federal aid than they kick into the federal government, Kentucky is in 6th place. For every dollar Kentucky sends to the federal government, they get back $2.25. The state’s dependency score is 54.5 percent according to Moneygeek. Out of the top ten states that are most dependent, eight of them are Republican states. They keep voting for politicians who are anti-government spending while they’re the fattest pigs at the trough. The most welfare-dependent states are Republican states. Weird how that works out.

Kentucky, don’t thank Rand Paul for the aid you’re receiving. Thank President Joe Biden. That’s who Mitch McConnell is thanking. He tweeted, “Thank you @POTUS for your rapid approval of Kentucky’s Major Disaster Declaration. I appreciate the Administration’s quick work to speed resources to help deal with this crisis.” You can also thank Kentucky Governor Andy Beshear who made the quick request.

If you’re in one of the eight states hit by these tornadoes, you can apply for disaster relief by clicking here. You can also call 1-800-621-FEMA. Hopefully, Rand Paul doesn’t answer the phone.

Music note: Today’s drawing music was the Beastie Boys.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 18 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

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Bezos’ Randy Rocket


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Yesterday, Jeff Bezos inspired the world. If one phallic-looking human being can put a phallic-looking rocket into space for three minutes, imagine what non-phallic-looking humans can do. And if any aliens were on their way to our planet while that rocket was…entering…space, they probably turned around.

Sometimes I feel like I’m a day ahead of everyone else…or at least schmoes on social media. I posted a YouTube clip of the running gag in the Austin Powers movies about how Dr. Evil’s rocket looks like a penis. The only reactions it received were, “Huh?”. And then yesterday after Bezo’s rocket went off, social media lit up with, “Oh my god, that looks like a dick.” Maybe nobody was paying attention to what was about to happen until it happened. Personally, if a flying penis is about to take to the skies, I want to know about it ahead of time.

Two things I was very impressed by was the landing of the rocket right back to its launch pad and that the media could spend hours covering it without once mentioning it’s shaped like a giant scrotum. Most men needing to overcompensate buy sports cars, or really large trucks, or a shit-load of guns to strap to themselves so everyone can see their entire gun collection while shopping for dental at Walmart for their one tooth. Most men don’t overcompensate shoot themselves into space inside a rocket literally shaped like a dick.

My colleagues spent yesterday struggling to find a way to put a dick joke in a cartoon that could get past editors. I saw a few good ones that weren’t too dirty, but probably still won’t be published anywhere other than social media. That goes for this one. Editors probably won’t even read this cartoon and kill it just from the image of the phallic-shaped rocket…while running photos of the phallic-shaped rocket on their front page. The only thing more vulgar would be running photos of Rand Paul on the front page.

If Billionaire Bezos really wanted his rocket to look like a penis, it would have looked like Rand Paul. Why? Because Rand Paul is a dick, a wanker, a scrotum face, a wiener, a dork, a froto, a donger, a knob, a tool, a mushroom head, a Mr. Knish, a schlong dongadoodle, a mutton flap, a pecker head, a prick, a ramburglar, a rod, and a walking fuck stick. Rand Paul is a cock. Even Republicans think Rand Paul is a one-eyed-monster with a nutsack full of bullshit.

During a Senate hearing yesterday, Rand Paul once again went after Dr. Anthony Fauci. Rand Paul, a self-certified eye doctor who looks like he cuts his own hair with an angry aardvark clashed with Dr. Fauci, the nation’s top infectious diseases expert. Rand Paul was certified to be an eye doctor by a board he created and stocked with relatives. Jeff Bezos is more qualified to call himself an astronaut than Rand Paul is qualified to call himself a doctor.

Rand Paul has been a conspiracy theorist and covid denier since covid came about. He continues being a covid denier despite the fact he had covid. While waiting for results after taking a covid test, Rand Paul continued creeping through the halls of Congress knowing full well he could be infecting others with covid. As it turned out, he was positive for covid. I told you he’s a dick. Now, he claims he has lifetime immunity from covid and he’s qualified to say this because…he’s an eye doctor?

Rand Paul accused Dr. Fauci of lying about our nation, under his direction, funding a lab in Wuhan, China and it’s gain-of-function research. The man who risked infecting others has a lot of gall accusing anyone of spreading the virus. It’s shit like this that’s why people physically assault Rand Paul.

Gain-of-function is research that alters a disease, organism, or a virus, increasing it’s pathogenesis, making it more transmittable, and increasing its range. The intention is to be able to predict future diseases and to develop vaccines. What Rand Paul was doing was accusing Dr. Fauci of helping Wuhan create a deadly virus on purpose, then unleashing it unto the world. He accused Dr. Fauci of perjury and the murder of millions. Did I mention Rand Paul is a dick?

Even if the virus escaped from a lab, there’s no evidence, and probably never will be, that it was artificially created. But, it’s a juicy talking point for dickhead conspiracy theorists.

What evidence does Rand Paul have of this? None. Rand Paul has cited a study that as Dr. Fauci points out, is about a different type of virus not responsible for the coronavirus pandemic. What Rand Paul is doing would be like comparing Cheerio’s to Fruity Pebbles and claiming all cereal will turn your milk into a rainbow color. If Rand Paul ate Alpha-Bits cereal, it would probably spell out “cock.”

During yesterday’s hearing, Paul asked Dr. Fauci, that since it’s a crime to lie to Congress, if he’d like to retract his statement from a previous hearing where Fauci claimed our government didn’t fund gain-of-research conducted in a Wuhan lab. Dr. Fauci said, “Senator Paul, I have never lied before the Congress and I do not retract that statement.”

Paul kept interrupting Fauci. And when Rand Paul’s time expired and the chair allowed Dr. Fauci to answer Paul’s last question, Paul kept interrupting.

Dr. Fauci did not retract his statement that our government did not fund Wuhan research to create a deadly virus. He also put on the record, “Senator Paul, you do not know what you’re talking about, quite frankly. And I want to say that officially. You do not know what you are talking about.”

It’s official. Rand Paul does not know what he’s talking about.

Dr. Fauci summed it up with, “If anybody is lying here, senator, it is you.”

Rand Paul is lying. That’s what Republicans do. That’s what dicks do. Rand Paul is only grandstanding to the Republican base that’s politicized the virus and has made Dr. Fauci public enemy number one. It’s an added bonus to the racism of blaming Chinese people. Rand Paul is also grandstanding by threatening Dr. Fauci with a criminal referral. What’s criminal is that Rand Paul can call himself a doctor and a United States senator.

I’d like to make a referral and put on the record that Rand Paul is a dick.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are ZERO copies of my book in stock, which usually go for $45.00 each, signed. Another order will be placed soon. You may pre-order if you want. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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Paul’s Peckers


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Normally, when Rand Paul gets his ass kicked, it’s in a political debate. In 2017, he literally got his ass kicked by one of his neighbors in his gated community in Kentucky.

Reportedly, the scuffle was over yard work and Paul claimed he was ambushed from behind right after he got off his riding lawnmower. His attacker was five-foot-six and weighed about 140 pounds (which would be like getting attacked by a 13-year-old boy), and left Rand Paul with six broken ribs.

Tim Pritts, a doctor at the University of Cincinnati Medical School (who didn’t treat Paul) said six broken ribs is “more consistent with a car accident, or a fall down a flight of stairs, or even from the top of a building.” He said, “I’ve seen a few from people getting kicked by horses.” Rand Paul did not get kicked by a horse, or a cow, or a gopher, and thank god for that because a kick from any one of those might have killed him.

What is it with the tough guy Republicans? You got one in Texas who kisses the ass of a man who calls his wife ugly and accuses his father of murder and then you got another in Kentucky getting his ass kicked by guys no larger than….hmmmm. No larger than someone like Dr. Anthony Fauci.

Now, I’m not suggesting Dr. Anthony Fauci leap from his table and physically assault Rand Paul the next time he accuses the medical expert of “theater” or attempts to bully and shout him down…I’m just saying I think 80-year-old Dr. Fauci can take him.

Yesterday’s exchange between Paul and Fauci wasn’t the first. And for Fauci’s sake, I hope it’s the last. Dr. Fauci is the director of the U.S. National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases and the chief medical advisor to the president and it’s beneath him to have to argue science with the likes of Rand Paul, who is a self-certified eye doctor.

Yes, Rand Paul created a commission that certifies eye doctors, stacked it with members of his own family who then certified him…and his certification still expired. Apparently, it’s easier to become a doctor in Kentucky than on an island in the Caribbean.

I tweeted yesterday, “If I need information on the coronavirus and I can go to either Dr. Anthony Fauci, an expert on disease and viruses or Rand Paul, a self-certified eye doctor, I’m going to Dr. Fauci, the expert on viruses. Duh! Now, if I need to talk to an expert about my eyes….oh, fuck it. I’m still going to Dr. Fauci.”

I would not see Rand Paul for an ingrown toenail. I wouldn’t ask the guy how to get rid of dandruff…and looking at his hair, why would I? Maybe ask him how to get rid of birds nesting in it. But no, I wouldn’t consult Rand Paul on anything medical. And that’s why it’s such a laugh and absurd when he takes on Dr. Fauci on the subject of science.

Who is Rand Paul going to lecture next? Maybe he’ll school Steven Spielberg on how to direct movies. Maybe he’ll give Denzel Washington acting lessons. Perhaps he would have instructed Julia Child on how to make a soufflé. Or, he can advise Donald Trump on how pay hush money after raw-dogging porn stars. It would be like any time someone on Fox News talks about journalism.

Rand Paul believes his neighbor kicked his ass over politics. His other neighbors believe it’s more of an issue of Rand Paul being an asshole and not being aware of it. Watching the hearings from yesterday, or any other time Rand Paul has ever opened his mouth, you get the impression it’s the asshole thing. And maybe he is aware of it because Rand Paul is the kind of asshole to know he’s an asshole and yet continue to be an asshole. Rand Paul owns the only ass in Washington Lindsey Graham won’t kiss.

Rand Paul caught the coronavirus and while waiting for the test results, continued to roam about the Capitol, visiting the gym (gotta build the muscles in case there’s another dwarf attack), and swam in the pool. He didn’t consider those around him…which is typical selfish behavior for a Republican. Since he caught the virus, which shockingly did not kill him, he has believed he is immune. Maybe it’s like that medical certification and he believes after getting it once, he’ll never need it again. Now, Paul has refused to EVER wear a mask or to get vaccinated. Even Donald Trump, who caught the virus and received the world’s best medical treatment, got vaccinated. It was a secret for at least two months, but he still did it.

Rand Paul went after Fauci yesterday and said, “You’re telling everyone to wear a mask. If we’re not spreading the infection, isn’t it just theater? You have the vaccine and you’re wearing two masks, isn’t that theater?”

Dr. Fauci replied, “Here we go again with the theater. Let’s get down to the facts.” And Dr. Fauci laid out the facts.

Dr. Fauci told Paul, “I agree with you, that you very likely would have protection from wild type for at least six months if you’re infected,” but pointed out there is no protection from some of the more infectious variants, like the one one first found in South Africa. The variants are a “good reason for a mask,” he said.

But, Rand Paul is an asshole. He said, “You’re making policy based on conjecture!” Paul interrupted Fauci and accused him of wanting people to wear masks “for another couple of years” and said, “You’ve been vaccinated and you parade around in two masks for show. If you already have immunity, you’re wearing a mask to give comfort to others. You’re not wearing a mask because of any science.”

Right there is the biggest sign of what a jerk Rand Paul is. He used the word “parading” to describe Fauci being safe. No, Rand. “Parading” is not what you do by being considerate of others and wearing a mask…or even two masks. “Parading” is what Nazis and Klansmen do to celebrate Republican victories.

Dr. Fauci is correct. The Center for Disease Control’s guidelines state those who have been fully vaccinated against COVID-19 should still wear a mask in public. But, hey…I’m sure this self-certified eye doctor who lost his certification knows more about the coronavirus than the CDC or the nation’s top infectious diseases expert.

I admire Dr. Fauci. I admire his honesty, candor, and professionalism. I also admire him for not leaping over the table and beating Rand Paul to death with his own nameplate. Rand Paul got his ass beat over the way he cut his grass. How in the hell did he not get pummeled while lecturing the nation’s top infectious diseases expert on infectious diseases?

And if a pair of love birds ever did nest in that unruly mess on top of Rand Paul’s head, you know at some point they’d peck his eyes out.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have FIVE copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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Capitol Freaking Beaches


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Congress is full of bitches. Bitches like Rand Paul, Matt Gaetz, and Ted Yoho.

Congresswoman Liz Cheney, daughter of Dick, is being yelled at by a bunch of dicks. Liz had the gall to say something nice about Dr. Anthony Fauci, a man GOP talking points have labeled as the enemy. She’s also said things that require having a rational mind like we shouldn’t remove all our troops out of Germany.

Senator Rand Paul yelled that Liz is “leading the fight” to stop Trump from withdrawing U.S. troops from overseas conflicts. I didn’t realize we were in an overseas conflict with Germany other than they use science and we don’t. Matt Gaetz wants her removed from a conference chair. Donald Trump Jr, who is NOT a member of Congress thank God, said, “We don’t need another Mitt Romney.” We don’t need two Donald Trumps either but we got ’em.

Donald Trump Sr. tweeted, “Liz Cheney is only upset because I have been actively getting our great and beautiful Country out of the ridiculous and costly Endless Wars. I am also making our so-called allies pay tens of billions of dollars in delinquent military costs. They must, at least, treat us fairly!!!” Here’s the thing about our “so-called” allies paying tens of billions in delinquent military costs: Obama, not Trump, got them to agree to increase how much they contribute to NATO. Fact, fact, fuckity, fact, fact. I’m also surprised Trump didn’t say, “beautiful” endless wars.

Rand Paul, who took a test for covid-19, then went to mingle with his colleagues while waiting for his POSITIVE result, went on to say about Liz Cheney, “I don’t think she’s good for the country.”

Remember this, kids, the next time Republicans accuse Democrats of not being open to different viewpoints within their party and how they all must conform to the same ideology. Here the Republican Party is chastising one of their own, who agrees with Donald Trump 99% of the time, for not being sycophantic enough. The Kool-Aid drinkers are on her because she doesn’t drink enough Kool-Aid.

Maybe part of their problem with Liz Cheney is that she’s a woman. I mean, do you remember Republicans chastising Dick Cheney like this when he was the vice-president, who by the way, got us into two of those “endless wars” which they all voted for and supported. Liz Cheney has spoken out against a move that placates Vladimir Putin. Who wants our troops out of Germany? Russia and Republicans. If Trump win reelection, expect a similar move on the Korean peninsula and quite possibly Japan.

Like I said, Republicans have issues with women who speak out and disagree with them. Take Ted Yoho as an example. Yoho, a congressman from Florida, confronted New York Representative Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, on the Capitol steps and told her she was “disgusting” for suggesting that poverty was driving crime in New York City.

Poverty doesn’t just drive crime in New York City. Poverty drives crime everywhere. It’s true that rich people engage in criminal activity also like operating fake charities, fake universities, engage in tax evasion, refuse to pay contractors, pay off pornstars, engage in emoluments violations, concoct schemes to bribe a Russian president, ask other countries for bribes of awarding golf tournaments at their shitty resorts, and sexually assault women, but it is poverty along with systemic racism that contributes to crime. But, I’m sure Mr. Yoo-Hoo, being from Florida knows so much more about New York City than a woman representative from New York City.

As Mr. Yoo-Hoo was walking away from Ms. Ocasio-Cortez, he said, (you’re going to love this, kids) “FUCKING BITCH.”

What did this MALE congressman call a FEMALE colleague? A “FUCKING BITCH.” What was that? “FUCKING BITCH.” That’s “disgusting.”

Later, he offered a non-apology denying he said “FUCKING BITCH” and when he said “FUCKING BITCH,” he wasn’t talking about Ms. Ocasio-Cortez. Also, in his non-apology, he didn’t mention her name. The hero of this story rejected his apology because it was not an apology and tweeted, “But hey, ‘bitches’ get stuff done.”

on Tuesday, Ocasio-Cortez posted a clip on Instagram from the Doja Cat song (I’m writing about it like I know what that is) “Boss Bitch.” She wrote, “You know what we say when fragile men call us bitches because we stand up for ourselves and other human beings? Shine on, fight for others, and let the haters stay mad.”

The haters have been mad ever since Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez won her race for Congress. They have repeatedly attacked her and have lied about her positions. The thing is, Yoho is just the only one to be caught saying out loud what all the other male Republicans want to say.

The real irony here is male Republicans call women bitches after they all volunteered to be Trump bitches.

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But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

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Rand Paul’s Dirty Pool


cjones03272020

In case you don’t know, Rand Paul has tested positive for the coronavirus. He’s the first senator to test positive and most likely, not the last. Especially since Rand Paul was the first.

While waiting for his test results, Rand worked out in the Senate gym and swam in the Senate pool. He also met with several people including fellow Senators. He probably sneezed on every handrail in the Capitol while he was at it.

Rand Paul is the kind of guy you want to avoid even when he’s not going to contaminate you with something.

And you might wanna drain that pool, à la Bill Murray in Caddyshack.

This is a bonus cartoon so you’re not getting a long blog with it.

Tip Jar:

This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From 

Watch me draw.

To Solemnly Lickspittle


cjones01192020

I spent last Thursday morning nauseous and queasy from food poisoning. This morning, I was looking up photos of Senate Republicans, so yeah…another Thursday morning feeling nauseous and queasy.

Senate Republicans have already abandoned the oath they swore to when they took office. You know, that quaint idea of protecting and defending the United States of America from all forms of aggression, foreign and domestic. Because with Donald Trump, our nation’s received forms for aggression, foreign and domestic. How have Senate Republicans responded to it? They’ve all rolled over for belly rubs.

On the 2016 campaign trail, Donald Trump gave loyalty oaths at his hate rallies. He defended the practice from comparisons to the oaths Hitler demanded as “fun.” Republicans in Congress haven’t had a problem with the oath, at least not since the election. Before Trump was elected was another matter.

Lindsey Graham said of Trump, “He’s a race-baiting, xenophobic, religious bigot,” and “You know how you make America great again? Tell Donald Trump to go to hell.” Now, he promises not to be a fair juror in Trump’s impeachment trial which is starting next week and said “I’ve clearly made up my mind, I’m not trying to hide the fact that I have disdain for the accusations and the process.”

Ted Cruz called Trump a “pathological liar” and a “sniveling coward” after Trump retweeted a meme comparing the beauty between their wives. Now, he’s defending coming to a conclusion before the trial.

Marco Rubio said, “No senator can be impartial.” Back in 2016, he was making fun of the size of Trump’s penis.

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell has resisted calling witnesses, despite new ones coming out every day stating how Trump was trying to bribe a foreign leader to help his reelection. McConnell is totally coordinating the trial with the White House.

This morning, Senate Republicans are going to take an impeachment oath they’ve already promised to break. You can argue that Democrats are doing the same, but at least they can base their opinion that Trump is guilty on the fact that all the witnesses, documents, and facts support that Trump is guilty.

And the Republicans who are promising to be openminded will only do so if they don’t have to hear any more witnesses or evidence against Trump. The only way this could be any worse would be if we found out later that one of the Senators was helping Trump bribe Ukraine. But fortunately, the guy who did that in Congress is in the House.

The impeachment trial of Donald Trump beings next week and should continue for two more. But this morning, Republicans will get a head start by swearing on an oath they don’t have any intention to follow. At the same time, they don’t have any intention of representing the United States.

Creative note: Can’t recognize all the Republicans and wanna give up? Here you go. Left to right (top row); Tom Cotton, Rand Paul, Rick Scott, Joni Ernst, Jerry Moran, Ben Sasse (bottom row) Mitch McConnell, Lindsey Graham, Ted Cruz, Cindy Hyde-Smith, John Kennedy (very bottom) Marco Rubio.

Support the cartoonist.

You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From The Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Cross Hairs For Whistleblower


cjones11092019

It’s Taco and Bonus Toon Tuesday here at Claytoonz Central. But since I ate all the tacos Amanda made for me, you get the cartoon.

I sketched this idea out a few weeks ago and even shared it in one of my posts showing you rough sketches. Sometimes I wonder if I shouldn’t reveal a few of them as I might want to go back to them. This is one of those. It’s simple and I figured I could whip it out within 20 minutes. I was wrong. It took about two hours, but I did take a break for tacos.

There’s only one reason Republicans like Donald Trump and Rand Paul want the whistleblower to be revealed. It’s because they can’t attack the context. Listen to what Trump says about the guy and, if you’re not a Republican, you’ll notice he only has lies.

Last night, at a Trump hate rally in Kentucky, Rand Paul demanded the media do its job and reveal the whistleblower. First off, Rand, it’s not the media’s job to expose the whistleblower and put his life in danger. What he’s reported is more important than who he is. We already know what he is. Rand Paul is the last person, other than Donald Trump, who would have a clue as to the media’s job.

Second, Republicans only want to discredit the whistleblower because they can’t discredit the accusations. They can’t discredit the truth.

The law protects whistleblowers. Government employees are actually required to take classes on whistleblowing. Anyone in the government who tries to expose a whistleblower should be removed, like Donald Trump and Rand Paul. I think trying to expose the whistleblower should be added to the charges that will be used to impeach Donald Trump.

There is a real danger to trying to expose the whistleblower. Do you remember Comet Pizza? There was a conspiracy theory that Hillary Clinton was running a child sex slave ring out of the basement of a Washington, D.C. pizza parlor. There weren’t any child sex slaves. The pizza place didn’t have any connection to Hillary Clinton. The pizza place didn’t even have a basement. Yet, a conservative lunatic who was troll bait for Russia’s campaign to elect Trump drove to Washington with the agenda to shoot up the pizza parlor.

Do you remember the shooting at a Planned Parenthood in Colorado Springs in 2015? The shooter killed three people because he believed in the Republican lie, made from doctored videos, that they were selling dead baby body parts. To this day, “pro-life” people still believe Planned Parenthood is selling baby body parts.

Already, the lawyers for the whistleblower are receiving death threats. If Donald Trump and Rand Paul have their way, the whistleblower will be running for his life…or dead. Donald Trump and Rand Paul, like most Republicans, don’t have any shame.

Republicans are a threat to national security. Republicans cost lives. Don’t kill people. Don’t vote Republican.

Support the cartoonist.

You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch me draw.

If You’re Gullible…


cjones07042017

When I heard there was a story about NASA running a child slave colony on Mars, I thought it was coming from the Weekly World News. It sounds like something produced by the same people who gave us Bat Boy and Hitler’s brain in a jar. But apparently, people who get their news from conservative conspiracy theorists have their brains in a jar…or up their ass.

Instead of coming from a supermarket tabloid, the NASA slave colony story came from a source that’s on 118 radio stations nationwide and whose host was told by the president of the United States of America that his reputation is “amazing” and he would “win a Pulitzer in a long gone time of unbiased journalism.”

The Alex Jones Show (the same source that gave us the Pizzagate conspiracy theory that Hillary Clinton’s campaign was running a child sex ring in the basement of a D.C. pizza shop that doesn’t have a basement), gave credence to the NASA Mars colony conspiracy. What is it with Alex Jones, who was recently given prime time coverage by Megan Kelly, wanting to believe in children-sex-slaves conspiracies? He has a really sick mind.

The rumor gained so much traction, which isn’t helped by Trump’s belief and promotion of bullshit, that NASA actually had to issue an official denial that they are NOT running a child slave colony on Mars.

I’m really starting to lose faith in society. It’s like people will believe chocolate milk comes from brown cows, oh wait. As it turns out, there’s a shit ton of people who believe chocolate milk comes from brown cows. Granted, it was an online survey conducted by a dairy council, but it found that seven percent of Americans believe the brown cow story. You may think seven percent isn’t that bad, but seven percent of our nation is over 16 million people. That’s the population of Pennsylvania (which went to Donald Trump, by the way). In the interest of full disclosure, before I moved to Hawaii in 1997 I thought pineapples grew on trees.

If you believe NASA is operating a child-sex-ring on Mars and that chocolate milk isn’t produced by cocoa and sugar, but brown cows, then you will probably have faith that the Republican Congress can be trusted to repeal Obamacare, and replace it….eventually.

The Republicans controlled Congress during the Clinton and George W. Bush years. They never showed any interest in providing healthcare to Americans. During the Obama years, they voted to repeal the Affordable Healthcare Act multiple times, but never produced a replacement. It’s been over six months since they gained control of the White House, Senate and House, and they’ve yet to produce a workable healthcare plan. One might suspect that they just screamed and bitched for seven years without any ideas of their own. Hmmmm.

Donald Trump promised America that when Obamacare is repealed that it would be replaced immediately with “something better.” Now he’s buying into the Rand Paul idea of repealing now and replacing later. Rand Paul doesn’t like the government. He hates government spending on anything. If Obamacare is repealed I don’t expect him to produce any replacement ideas.

The Republicans floating this plan say there will be a deadline to deliver a replacement in a year. What happens if that deadline isn’t met? What coverage for Americans during that time frame? What about Americans lacking coverage when the GOP doesn’t deliver? If they repeal without replacing, they will not deliver. They’ve never cared in the past, they don’t care now, and they won’t care in the future. Repealing Obamacare now isn’t to help Americans with health insurance. It’s to deliver huge tax breaks for the rich.

Another threat from this idea is that we’ll move on from replacing Obamacare, and demand that the GOP have a replacement when they repeal. We can’t let them trick us into forgetting that repealing Obamacare is a really bad idea. They shouldn’t repeal Obamacare at all. They need to work with Democrats to make it better. The biggest problem Republicans and Trump have with Obamacare is that it’s called “Obamacare.”

The sad thing is, Trump’s supporters will believe he’ll eventually replace Obamacare. Of course, they also believe they’ll be fine if Obamacare is repealed because they’re covered by the Affordable Care Act. This is the same group that believes Trump won the popular vote, has the biggest crowds, was wiretapped by Obama, and that Trump will make America great again.

And they probably believe that brown cow Martian horse shit too.

Creative note: Yes, I took the Martian from the Tim Burton movie Mars Attacks. My regular readers know that I have a fondness for inserting movies that I love into my cartoons. Mars Attacks is not one of them. Great filmmaker. Huge star-studded cast. Yet, it totally sucked. Have you ever noticed that the more stars inserted in a film always means it’s going to be a terrible movie? Though with Mars Attacks, I still think the “ack ack ack ack” is funny.

It’s really hard being a one-man syndicate when editors (who receive death threats from Trump supporters) are afraid of cartoons with opinions, while I’m also competing against other syndicates with dozens of cartoonists (who offer lots of right-wing cartoons and the kind without any opinions). So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $50 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Debate Terms


cjones11042015

The Republicans have submitted debate demands to the networks. These include:

No “gotcha” questions. Basically any question a candidate can’t answer, like how their math doesn’t add up, is a gotcha question.

Nobody can bring props which really disappoints me. I was really hoping to see Ted Cruz make balloon animals.

They want a ten minute break. Apparently none of the candidates has a strong bladder. They’re not Hillary Clinton who can be grilled for 11 hours.

Each candidate will get a 30-second opening statement which was negotiated down from Ben Carson’s plan of 30-minute opening statements.

No lightning rounds which is sad because I was hoping candidates would get struck by lightning for each fib.

The temperature has to be kept at 67 degrees. I think this was a Rubio demand since they won’t let him bring a cooler on stage.

Donald Trump has said screw the Republican Party’s negotiations and he’ll negotiate separately. Does that mean the room will be like a fancy car’s air system where the area over Trump’s podium will be kept at a different temperature? Will Trump negotiate a lifeline?

I think I drew the candidates in bikinis a couple of months ago. I can’t remember when or what point I was making (I just looked it up. I drew them as transgenders and it was published June 2). I usually can’t remember what I drew yesterday. However I do remember that yesterday I drew soldiers in women’s heels. I don’t know why I like drawing guys in drag. I’m not right. I’m going to blame it on watching too many Bugs Bunny cartoons as a kid. I also like the idea that somewhere soon someone will gag on their Cheerios while reading their morning paper. I also get small pleasure when someone informs me I made them spit coffee on their keyboard.

You read these cartoons at your own risk. You know how warped my mind is.

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