Pentagon

Tucker’s Ass


cjones03152021

“Fuck Tucker Carlson.” No, those aren’t my words. That’s from a tweet from a United States Senator.

Senator Tammy Duckworth of Illinois tweeted, “Fuck Tucker Carlson” and added, “While he was practicing his two-step, America’s female warriors were hunting down Al Qaeda and proving the strength of America’s women.”

Senator Duckworth lost both legs fighting for our country. Tucker Carlson may have gotten a toe blister while shimmying on Dancing with the Stars.

Tucker’s natural instinct is to discredit those who attack him because he’s unable to go after the merit of an argument. In 2004, when Jon Stewart went on Crossfire where Tucker was a co-host at CNN, all Tucker could do was attack Stewart’s credibility instead of the merit of the argument, that basically Tucker and the entire show were “partisan hackery.” Stewart told Tucker and co-host Paul Begala about their show, “It’s hurting America. Here is what I wanted to tell you guys: Stop. You have a responsibility to the public discourse, and you fail miserably.”

Tucker told Stewart he was funnier on his own show to which Stewart replied, “You know what’s interesting, though? You’re as big a dick on your show as you are on any show.” And then, Crossfire and Tucker’s contract was canceled.

And today, Tucker has proven Jon Stewart correct. He was as big a dick on Crossfire as he is on any show. Today, he’s being as big a dick on Fox News where he hosts their number one show “Dicks with Tucker.” I kid. That’s not the title, but then again, Republicans love dick.

Carlson started one of his shows this week ranting about President Joe Biden “feminizing” the military. Tucker said, “So we’ve got new hairstyles and maternity flight suits. Pregnant women are going to fight our wars. It’s a mockery of the US military.” No, Tucker. You’re a mockery of journalism.

The thing is here, these maternity flight suits were started up during the Trump administration. Tucker forgot to mention that. But, so what?

Can we get beyond the myth that Republicans care more about the military than Democrats? Can we get beyond the false belief that Republicans own patriotism? Can we get beyond the bullshit that Republicans are more American than anyone else? We need to accept the fact that Republicans will abandon any pretense they were ever American-troops-supporting patriots for a charlatan in a cheap suit who makes them feel good about their racism.

The military can be questioned and criticized. We’ve all done it. The biggest critics of the military are members of the military. But what Tucker did was an unwarranted sexist attack on members of our armed forces without any substance or merit.

After Tucker was berated by the military, he went on the attack and criticized the military for not being able to finish off the Taliban.

Tucker said, “We were almost rattled. Then we realized if the woke generals treat us like they’ve treated the Taliban, we’ll be fine. Twenty years later, the Taliban are still here.”

“Maybe we ought to promise the Pentagon that we’ll get rid of traditional gender roles on this show. Change the pronouns, defeat the patriarchy, and all that. Then they’d send us billions in unmarked $100 bills as a reward. They’ve certainly done that before. And that might really kickstart our struggling opium poppy business.”

That’s where you’re supposed to laugh because Tucker was trying to be funny.

Tucker also praised China’s military, saying, “While China’s military becomes more masculine as it’s assembled the world’s largest navy, our military needs to become, as Joe Biden says, more feminine.”

So Tulip Toes Tucker Carlson attacks American service members while praising China’s military.

Tucker is right on one count. China does have a larger navy than we do if you go by the number of boats. But while China’s collection of boats amounts to about two million tons, the United States Navy weighs in at 4.6 million tons. While China spends about 261 billion a year on their entire military, the United States spends over 731 billion a year.

And what does Tucker know about our military? When Donald Trump claimed he rebuilt our military along with our nuclear stockpile (Eric Trump claimed he built aircraft carriers), Tucker never called him out for those lies. When Donald Trump said we have invisible airplanes, Tucker never said, “What?” When Donald Trump displayed ignorance of what the nuclear triad is, Tucker never did a show explaining it to him.

We already know Tucker Carlson is a racist. We already know Tucker Carlson is a sexist. We already know Tucker Carlson is a dumbass. Now, thank you, Tucker for providing proof that you do not support the men and women who fight for and defend our nation. Now we know.

One’s support for our military and patriotism should not waver back and forth depending upon which party the Commander in Chief is a member of. Now, instead of supporting the United States armed forces, Tucker Carlson and his ilk support white supremacist terrorists who attack our government and Constitution. I don’t recall Tucker going after the Capitol insurgents over the women in their ranks. “Hey, your white Nazi treasonous terrorist organization is becoming too feminine! You’re supposed to be ‘Proud Boys,’ not “Nazi Babes Gone Wild!”

Tucker Carlson is as much of a fraud as a patriot as he is a journalist.

I know several women in the military and each of them could kick Tulip Toes Tucker’s lily-white ass. I’m pretty sure if the mission was granted, each of them would volunteer to kick Tucker’s ass.

Fox News is now promoting itself as the “opposition” channel. With Tucker at the helm, they need to ask themselves if they really wanna be the “Anti-American” channel.

I’m with Tammy. Fuck you, Tucker.

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The Truth Is Staying Out There


cjones12222017

The Pentagon is getting their UFO on.

From the day Donald Trump came into office, I’ve told people our government has never encountered nor has proof aliens from another world has ever visited ours. If there were top government secrets about it Trump would have told us by now…or at least Vladimir Putin. A buddy of mine told me that’s not proof because maybe smarter heads at the Pentagon wouldn’t tell Trump. That makes sense too. I’m sure there’s some government secrets not told to presidents. And, if there was ever a president you don’t want to give classified information to then that president is big orange dumbass Tweeterdore.

As it turns out, maybe aliens don’t exist but that hasn’t stopped the Pentagon from having a secret program investigating UFOs.

It was initiated by then Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid, from Nevada, in 2007. The military had announced way back in 1969 that UFOs were not worth studying, but that didn’t stop them from spending $22 million on a program. Then again, the Pentagon has been known to spend thousands on hammers and toilet seats.

The Department of Defense even released a video of a Navy Super Hornet encountering an unknown object that has been described as “defying physics.”

The department says they ended the program in 2012 but there are reports it’s still in operation. So, a secret program that doesn’t exist anymore but if it does, it’s a secret once again.

I also told my friend that if there are aliens out there, then I hope they don’t land while Trump is president. Seriously, that’ll just make them turn around and go home or worse, give us the Alderan treatment to put us out of our misery.

If they do land and insist upon meeting our leader, and we can’t find Angela Merkel or Justin Trudeau, then let’s take them to that animatronic Trump Disney just released. It is disturbing looking and probably scares children and small animals, but it resembles Jon Voight more than Donald Trump and it speaks in somewhat complete sentences without lying or its teeth falling out.

And, if Mueller can’t save us then maybe the aliens will take us with them.

For the record, I think it’s egocentric to believe we’re the only life in the universe but I don’t believe we’ve ever been visited. I also do not believe in the Loch Ness Monster, Bigfoot, yetis, leprechauns, vampires, smurfs, fraggles, Santa Claus, God, chupacabras, or quality barbecue on the East coast. But then again, a little over a year ago I didn’t believe my fellow Americans would put an orange, racist, infantile, narcissistic dumbass in the White House.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Bleeding Our Vets


cjones10272016

Thousands of Army National Guard members are facing the burden of returning money promised to them by their recruiters.

Thousands of veterans from California, and many in others states, are being punished for the mistakes made by their superiors who gave them enlistment bonuses. Now the Pentagon is saying those bonuses weren’t authorized and the Guard members must pay the military back.

If the military made the screw up then they’re the ones who need to eat it. Many members of Congress, Democrat and Republican, agree.

Very few of us serve our nation in the military. It’s unfair to ask so much of our service men and women and then demand more when they return from Iraq and Afghanistan.

I sent this cartoon to my clients just as I was starting this post and I’ve already heard from one my California editors thanking me for it.

I know I probably messed up something in the uniforms here, especially the guy on the right. I wanted to throw in a little honor for my father in this cartoon so the patch is from the division he served in while he fought in Vietnam, 1st Armored Division, nicknamed “Old Ironsides.” I’m sure Guard members are not in that division but I’m using a bit of creative license here.

Military people are very specific and I’m sure I’ll be hearing from more than one of them, including my son. Go ahead and give it to me. It never hurts to learn something.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!