Pandemic

The Urban Myth President


cjones03282020

You know we’re in unusual times when Donald Trump is giving leeway to an appointee to disagree with him. Not only does Dr. Anthony Fauci, director of the National Institute of Allergy and Infectious Diseases (since 1984), publicly disagree with Trump on several matters, he corrects him when he says something that’s not accurate.

Fauci has his hands full with the coronavirus, but he may be busier correcting all the bullshit Donald Trump keeps spitting out. That may explain why we haven’t seen the doctor at the last few press briefings.

Donald Trump has praised Fauci as a “major television star,” but just like we don’t need a C-list television star occupying the White House during an international crisis, we don’t need one to fight a disease. In this situation, we need a doctor. But Donald Trump doesn’t place a high value on professional medical opinions or science. Did you see the guy who was his personal doctor before he entered the White House? You remember him. He supposedly wrote the letter stating Donald Trump would be the “healthiest president” in American history.

If you want advice from Donald Trump on how to not pay back money you owe, he’s your man. I’d listen to him. He says he’s “great with debt,” and when it comes to personal debt, he’s right. He’s really good at not paying it and getting more loans from the same source. He sued Deutsche bank in order not to pay them and they still loaned him more money. But if Donald Trump talks about government debt, he doesn’t know how it works.  I seriously doubt he even knows when the fiscal year begins. He doesn’t understand how tariffs or trade works. He doesn’t even understand how lightbulbs work (They make him look orange). He can’t give you advice on the stock market, how to run a business, how to raise kids, have a successful marriage, or even how to chew your food. And most of all, he can’t give you medical advice.

Maybe Donald Trump can give you the name of a guy who will botch your hair transplant, and then you can toss that number out, but that’s the closest thing to helpful medical advice he should be allowed to give. With a pandemic sweeping the globe, let’s not take any medical tips from the orange botched hair job who’s afraid of stairs. After all, this is a guy who believed HIV and HPV were the same things.

And since Dr. Fauci is a doctor, he is required to correct the bullshit and deadly tips Donald Trump is dishing out. Donald Trump wants us to go with his “gut instincts.” I’d rather go with the scientist.

Dr. Fauci has publicly disagreed on how long it will take for a coronavirus vaccine to become available and whether an anti-malaria drug, Chloroquine, can help those with the virus. What Trump says is dangerous. Yesterday, a Trump fucknut commented on my YouTube channel that Chloroquine has been very successful in fighting the virus. No, it hasn’t. Where’d he get that shit? From Donald Trump. So, Dr. Fauci, if he is to be responsible, has to correct Donald Trump, because Donald Trump is never responsible. Hell, he even said so.

This isn’t Fauci’s first time dealing with a crisis and a president who’s indifferent and ignorant on the matter. He came into his office during the Reagan administration where the president was ignoring the AIDs crisis. He’s served under every president since. Now, he’s serving under Trump during a pandemic the president (sic) initially called a “Democratic hoax” and has tried to downplay.

Trump said he had it under control, that deaths would go down to zero soon, that it’d disappear, warm weather in April will kill it, a vaccine will be available soon, and that everyone who needs a test gets a test. Now, Trump is giving medical advice his professionals know is complete rubbish while also going against them on the time frame for self-isolation.

Donald Trump isn’t as worried about Americans losing their jobs as he is of a recession hurting his reelection chances…and his shitty resorts going under. Presently, six of his eleven resorts and hotels, where you could have caught something BEFORE there was a pandemic, are shut down because of the virus. His company has laid people off. So now he’s saying we should end the self-isolation sooner than his professionals think. Will Donald Trump fire Fauci for disagreeing with him on something that’s losing him money?

White House sources have told The New York Times  Donald Trump and several of his political advisers are losing their patience with Fauci, who has tried to play it cool when he disagrees with Trump. It would look bad for Donald Trump to fire Fauci in the middle of a pandemic, especially when all eyes are on him. But Trump has fired people in the past after he felt it was safe from criticism. I wouldn’t expect him to fire Fauci during the pandemic, but look for Trump to exact his revenge after.

This White House values loyalty over experience and ability. They even fired the brother of someone who testified against Trump. Expect Fauci’s retirement to come a bit early.

Until then, listen to Dr. Fauci and ignore Donald Trump about the coronavirus…just like you should be doing with everything else.

Tip Jar:

This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

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TP America


cjones03192020

Funny thing. When Donald Trump picked Mike Pence as his running mate, the first Trump/Pence logo involved the initials “TP.” This was probably decided by the same idiots who created the Tea Party and were totally surprised they acquired the nickname “teabaggers.” And then totally surprised to learn what a “teabagger” was (I had to explain it to an editor. In case you’re a Republican and still don’t know, it means “buddy” which is how you should greet each of your fucknut friends from now on. They’ll appreciate the greeting, “Hey, teabagger,” and probably thank you). After being mocked, ridiculed, and having someone explain why to them, the campaign changed the shitty (no pun intended) “TP” logo and removed the initials. The real irony is that Trump and Pence can’t even deliver TP to us.

When I was a teenager, my friends and I engaged in TPing. In case you weren’t a teenager, that’s when someone covers your entire yard and probably your home too in toilet paper. It’s even worse if it rains. It’s mostly a harmless prank that really annoys the homeowner because it’s a lot easier to put toilet paper in tree branches than it is to get it out. And, if they have a kid, he or she is the one who cleans it up. That’s because a home usually isn’t TP’ed unless there’s a kid in the house. Kids don’t pick random houses to TP. Sometimes, they hit the home of someone they don’t like but usually, it’s a home of someone they do like. It’s either a friend or a crush. Once, after TPing a few houses, we hit the house of one of our partners in TPing crime after he thought we were done (Our fake surprise the next morning should have won us Oscars. If he’s reading this now, he’s like, “I knew it!”). If your home ever gets TP’ed and you don’t have a kid then you just seriously pissed off some neighbors and should probably move and start over. Another explanation might be you’ve planted Trump/Pence signs in your yard, in which case there were probably eggs and burning bags of poo involved also.

Now, instead of getting in trouble for “rolling” someone’s yard, you might be thanked.

A lot of Trump supporters are still telling us the coronavirus pandemic is a hoax and conspiracy to hurt Donald Trump because everything in the world that’s bad is out to get them because old white guys are the most persecuted people in the history of dumbass history. And, a lot of people who aren’t Trump supporters agree with them that people are overreacting.

They think everyone’s freaking out by purchasing and hoarding hand sanitizer, bread, water and of course, toilet paper. And yeah, everyone is kinda freaking with all the hoarding.

Last Wednesday, I was talking to a friend about it and later went to a grocery store in my neighborhood. I texted her to say the store hadn’t been hit that hard yet and she still had time to buy some TP. Because I’m one of those people that goes to the store nearly every day for some small insignificant item, I was back on Thursday and this time, the shelves were wiped out (no pun intended). I was at a Wal-Mart Saturday night getting some junk for my apartment and saw they were wiped out there as well (but they did have $3.00 laundry hampers).

So you may remain rational and think, “Well, I’m not going to lose my mind and run to the store and buy and hoard all the toilet paper,” but then you think that because everyone else has lost their freaking minds buying toilet paper means you won’t have any if this crisis carries on too long, so you freak out, lose your mind, and run to the store to buy and hoard toilet paper. Laura, one of my proofreaders, told me this morning, while not proofreading this wordless cartoon, that a friend of hers has decided TP is the new “craptocurrency” and he calls it “shitcoin.”

When I was in the store last Wednesday and I saw it on the shelves, I didn’t buy any. I had at least five rolls at home and thought that I’ll be OK. But when I saw the shelves empty the next day, I thought, “oh shit.” Pun intended. So, I went to the 7-11 replacement convenience store near my home (that means it replaced a 7-11 which pisses you off because the new store doesn’t have nachos and taquitos, and if you’ve never had a 7-11 taquito then you’re not living right and probably have plenty of toilet paper) and found five individual rolls there for $1.50 a-piece. I bought all five rolls. Bring it, pandemic! Never mind. Please don’t bring it.

I’ve never been mugged but I was was very protective and wary of my surroundings while walking home with those five rolls of Scott. Later, I went back to the store for something else and the nice lady who owns the place told me she had more toilet paper in stock, which means she now sees me as the toilet paper guy and I’m going to have to make a more memorable purchase to erase that nickname. I’m looking forward to being the 15 boxes of Trojans and Monster energy drink guy.

Now, paper towels and napkins are flying off the shelves too. I even read that some people are stealing all the napkins at Taco Bells. If they’re using them for what I think they’re using them for, that’s some real irony.

Overreacting is a hell of a lot better than whatever the hell it was the Trump administration did to prepare for the pandemic. Again, these are the same idiots who didn’t foresee being mocked for using the “TP” initials or that they were going to be called “teabaggers.” Which, again, if you’re a Trump supporter, is a compliment. Use it on your friends. Please.

But here’s the thing, America. An overreaction is better than an underreaction. If anything, We, as in our nation’s leadership (sic) totally underestimated this virus. We were not prepared for a pandemic to begin with, but the reaction from the Trump administration made it worse. If this doesn’t become as bad as many people are speculating, critics, especially Facebook “experts” will say we overreacted as it wasn’t that bad. But maybe it’s our reaction that prevented it from being worse. Of course with Trump’s reaction, it got worse than it ever should have been.

On another note, if you do visit bars and/or restaurants during this pandemic, tip a little more than usual. We are in this together and should be looking out for each other. People who work in the service industry will be the first to feel this. Be nice. Even you Republicans. Try to be nice.

And this just in: Right before I clicked “publish” on this blog, the manager of my local Starbucks (OK, I’m here too much), sat down near me (not too close and we did the elbow greeting) to tell me all their stores in the U.S. and Canada will remain open, but their dining area will be closed. What this means is, you can still go to Starbucks and buy stuff but you can’t stay. You can’t sit around and hang out.

Be safe and look out for each other.

Support the cartoonist.

You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From 

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Corona Closure


CNN03152020

Here’s your cartoon for CNN’s weekly newsletter, Provoke/Persuade. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday for the rest of your life.

I don’t have much to add to this so I’m going to give you a little treat. Someone commented under someone else’s reshare of one of my cartoons. What he did was provide a timeline of quotes by Donald Trump on the coronavirus. I loved it. I’ll reshare that here for you. Here we go.

January 22: “We have it totally under control. It’s one person coming in from China. It’s going to be just fine.”

February 2: “We pretty much shut it down coming in from China.”

February 24: “The coronavirus is very much under control in the USA… Stock Market starting to look very good to me!”

February 25: “CDC and my Administration are doing a GREAT job of handling coronavirus.”

February 25: “I think that’s a problem that’s going to go away… They have studied it. They know very much. In fact, we’re very close to a vaccine.”

February 26: “The 15 (cases in the US) within a couple of days is going to be down to close to zero.”

February 26: “We’re going very substantially down, not up.”

February 27: “One day it’s like a miracle, it will disappear.”

February 28: “We’re ordering a lot of supplies. We’re ordering a lot of, uh, elements that frankly we wouldn’t be ordering unless it was something like this. But we’re ordering a lot of different elements of medical.”

March 2: “You take a solid flu vaccine, you don’t think that could have an impact, or much of an impact, on corona?”

March 2: “A lot of things are happening, a lot of very exciting things are happening and they’re happening very rapidly.”

March 4: “If we have thousands or hundreds of thousands of people that get better just by, you know, sitting around and even going to work — some of them go to work, but they get better.”

March 5: “I NEVER said people that are feeling sick should go to work.”

March 5: “The United States… has, as of now, only 129 cases… and 11 deaths. We are working very hard to keep these numbers as low as possible!”

March 6: “I think we’re doing a really good job in this country at keeping it down… a tremendous job at keeping it down.”

March 6: “Anybody right now, and yesterday, anybody that needs a test gets a test. They’re there. And the tests are beautiful…. the tests are all perfect like the letter was perfect. The transcription was perfect. Right? This was not as perfect as that but pretty good.”

March 6: “I like this stuff. I really get it. People are surprised that I understand it… Every one of these doctors said, ‘How do you know so much about this?’ Maybe I have a natural ability. Maybe I should have done that instead of running for president.”

March 6: “I don’t need to have the numbers double because of one ship that wasn’t our fault.”

March 8: “We have a perfectly coordinated and fine-tuned plan at the White House for our attack on coronavirus.”

March 9: “This blindsided the world.”

March 9: “The Fake News Media and their partner, the Democrat Party, is doing everything within its semi-considerable power (it used to be greater!) to inflame the coronavirus situation, far beyond what the facts would warrant.”

March 10: “It will go away. Just stay calm. It will go away.”

March 13: “I don’t take responsibility at all.”

March 13: National Emergency Declaration

Support the cartoonist.

You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From 

Watch me draw.

Pray The Corona Away


cjones03042020

Donald Trump is responding to the coronavirus and he wants us to know it’s under control and he understands the science.

This is a guy who believes climate change is a hoax created in China. He claimed raking forests prevents fires. He thought the best way to put out the Notre Dame fire was to fly water tankers and dump thousands of pounds of water on the cathedral. He asked if a hurricane could be stopped by dropping a nuke on it. He thinks HIV and HPV are the same things. He tried to change the direction of a hurricane by changing its trajectory on a map with a Sharpie. But maybe we won’t have to worry about the coronavirus because we’ll all die from windmill cancer first.

Protect us from the coronavirus? Donald Trump can’t even spell “coronavirus.”

The White House’s idea to assure the public that they have the coronavirus under control was to wheel Donald Trump into the briefing room, for just the second time of his presidency, and be the face of the response. Surprisingly, that didn’t comfort anyone.

Trump relayed a few details about the coronavirus that he had just learned, like he did when he found out Abraham Lincoln was a Republican and triad means three. He gave helpful advice on avoiding the virus, like wash your hands, avoid handrails, leave the room when someone sneezes, and don’t make out with sick people you haven’t seen in a while. Seriously.

Trump displayed how delusional he was over the virus, like when he removed blame from it for the fall on Wall Street and instead, placed on the Democratic Debate, which was the day after the stocks started falling.  That’s Donald Trump for you. Takes credit for something when it’s good and cast blame when it goes bad.

Trump tried to downplay the threat of the Coronavirus by saying it was like the flu in the way it spreads. That is true, but the Coronavirus’ fatality rate is 20 times higher than the flu’s.

Other concerns about the Trump administration’s handling of this crisis is that Donald Trump fired the pandemic response team in 2018 to cut costs and didn’t replace them. He also cut the CDC’s global disease outbreak prevention efforts by 80%, which included the agency’s efforts in China. Now, he’s asking for $2.5 billion to confront the outbreak. Maybe he should take all the funding from the Defense Department since that’s where he’s raiding all the money his racist border wall vanity project from (that was supposed to be free).

To top it all off, Donald Trump then appointed Vice-President Mike Pence to lead the Coronavirus response team. Mike Pence, who once advocated funding gay-conversion therapy programs and who as governor of Indiana, slashed public health spending and delayed the introduction of needle exchanges which lead to that state’s largest outbreak of HIV, which Trump probably thought was HPV. Pence also wrote in 2000 in an Op-Ed that “smoking doesn’t kill.”

Yes, boys and girls. Donald Trump and Mike Pence are putting their combined knowledge and belief in science into protecting our nation from a coronavirus pandemic. Yes, boy and girls…we’re all going to die.

Support the cartoonist.

You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From 

Watch me draw.