Oscars

Mitchy Oscars


Here’s your cartoon for this week’s CNN Opinion newsletter. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday. 

My editor called me Friday afternoon after I sent the rough of this cartoon and said I was banned from the CNN Opinion newsletter for ten years because I had sent him a drawing of a naked Mitch McConnell.

Music note: I listened to Hole while drawing this. There’s a bit of irony in that Courtney Love can’t sing, but bass player Melissa Auf der Maur provides amazing backing vocals on the “Celebrity Skin” album, especially on “Heaven Tonight”

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

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Slappy Oscars


If you told me before yesterday that Will Smith was going to slap Chris Rock, I would have been worried for Chris Rock. If you look at the two guys, you would be forgiven for thinking, “Oh, my god. Will Smith is going to kill Chris Rock.” Will Smith has been cast as a boxer, a superhero, an alien slayer, a zombie killer, a Bad Boy, and a defender from robot insurrections. Chris Rock’s most popular role is probably a zebra.

Fortunately, Smith didn’t hurt Rock much. Did Rock’s feet even move? Sure, Will Smith punches pretty weakly for a guy who once played Muhammad Ali in a movie, but at least he hits harder than Ted Cruz after someone mocks his wife’s appearance.

Will Smith will never be governor of Texas because Texas doesn’t vote for men who defend their wives.

Of course, I did not watch the Oscars. I think I may have watched it a few times with my mom when I was a kid when there were only three channels and nobody except Al Gore had heard of the internet yet. I do root for actors and movies to win these awards but I don’t watch them. I’ll occasionally watch a monologue or acceptance speech when I hear something interesting about them. That’s what happened last night.

I went out last night and watched some basketball while thinking about my next cartoon. I had a couple of things set up in my head, but when I got home and pulled up Facebook, the first story I saw was that Will Smith had won an Oscar for best actor…after punching Chris Rock. That was a confusing headline. So, I went after the story, saw the clip, and knew I had to change course for my next cartoon because at that point, it was the only story on the internet. People in Ukraine are probably talking about it. Then I went to bed.

Unless I’m your only source for information, you’re already aware of the Oscar slap. But in case you’re not, what happened was: Chris Rock told a joke about Jada Pinkett Smith, Will Smith’s wife. He made a crack at her hair or lack of it. She suffers from alopecia, a condition that leads to hair loss. This prompted Will Smith, who seemed to laugh at the joke initially, to get out of his seat, walk up the stage to Rock, and slap the baloney out of him. He went back to his seat and screamed at Rock to leave his wife out of his “effing” mouth. Naturally, Rock was very surprised by this. Shortly after, Will Smith won the Academy Award for Best Actor for his role in “King Richard.” He apologized for the slap but not to Rock. He compared himself to the character he won the Oscar for, which is the father of tennis stars Venus and Serena Williams.

The mood in the room was silent and awkward after the slap but Smith got a rousing ovation upon winning the Oscar.

My first impression was that Will Smith was right to be angry and stand up for his wife. How dare someone attack anyone’s wife. Go get ’em, Will. You show the world how a man reacts when his family’s attacked. I’ve had very similar reactions at times when members of my family have been attacked, though I never punched anyone for it. But I can relate.

But then I thought about it a bit more and know that assault is wrong. You can’t go around punching people, even if it’s a slap. You can stand up for and defend your family without assaulting someone. And it seems most criticism I’ve heard has been directed at Smith while Rock has received his share as well.

And then I heard that Chris Rock had made a joke about Jada at a previous Academy Awards show she was boycotting because of the lack of diversity. He said, “Jada boycotting the Oscars is like me boycotting Rihanna’s panties. I wasn’t invited.” He had also replied to a tweet in the past that Will Smith had sent to his ex-wife, praising her as a mother.

But, I don’t think the past jokes Rock made at Pinkett Smith are very relevant here unless she’s the only person he’s been making jokes about. He’s Chris Rock. He makes a lot of jokes. He once joked that he doesn’t condone O.J. Simpson murdering his ex-wife, but he understands. So, a lot of people don’t condone what Will Smith did with the Oscar slap to Rock, but they understand.

But, Will Smith does understand. He understands better to get all slappy about a joke directed at his wife. Will Smith is the ultimate Hollywood player. He knows the system. He knows the industry. He is one of the biggest movie stars in the world. He knows what happens at award shows because he’s won 84 awards for his acting. This is not the first time a comic told jokes at an awards show directed at the celebrities in attendance. There have been some really mean and nasty jokes performed at award shows. The creator of Family Guy, Seth McFarlane, once opened an Oscars with a song titled, “We saw your boobs,” which was directed at several actresses in the audience. Nobody slapped him but you know a lot of women wanted to.

And then I heard the joke Chris Rock delivered at Jada Pinkett Smith. Rock said, “”Jada, I love ya. G.I. Jane 2, can’t wait to see ya.” G.I. Jane, in case you didn’t see it (I didn’t), starred Demi Moore who shaved her head in the film. Some people believe it was actually a compliment because G.I. Jane is tough. Will Smith initially laughed.

After the slap, which was picked up by the microphones, Chris Rock said, “Oh, wow. Will Smith just smacked the shit out of me.” Will Smith yelled at him a few times after he returned to his seat and Rock tried to explain it was just a joke. Then, Rock recovered and continued hosting the Oscars. Chris Rock literally rolled with the punch.

You can be a tough guy for giving a punch, but you can be a tougher guy for being able to take it. Chris Rock may not be a danger to anyone physically, but he’s tough. I respect he kept going. I also respect that Chris Rock isn’t pressing charges because he has a case. I also think he’s doing the right thing by not pressing charges and Will Smith should thank him for that.

There’s talk about rescinding Will Smith’s award for best actor but I don’t agree with that. He messed up and shouldn’t have this accomplishment taken away from him. I’m sure Rock agrees. Will Smith should now apologize and thank Chris Rock. What he should have done instead of slapping Rock was to approach him later after the show and tell him how he felt…without violence. You can walk up and tell somebody that something they did wasn’t cool. You can also tell them why. And for all we know, Rock may have apologized. Isn’t that what we want when we’ve been insulted? Isn’t an apology good enough in these situations?

If Will Smith’s going to punch anyone from the Madagascar movies, it shouldn’t be Chris Rock, who played Marty, the Zebra. He should punch David Schwimmer because Melman the giraffe was all over Gloria the hippo, played by Jada Pinkett Smith. I hate to judge but a giraffe and hippo…that’s just not right. And how is the physics required for that coupling even possible? I can’t even figure out how humans do it with other humans in showers. Also, don’t we all want to punch Ross Geller, even just a little bit? Maybe just one slap for each time he said, “We were on a break” or worse, “pivot.”

The Academy Awards have been suffering from low ratings and lack of interest for years and now they’re upset over this attention. I say, revel in it. They should promote next year’s with the question, “Who’s gonna get slapped this year?” Maybe they can outdo the Razzies with a slap award for worst actor. Each year, the worst actor has to be slapped by Will Smith. Of if that’s too much, Jesse Eisenberg. That guy isn’t a threat to anybody. Also, the worst actor gets to slap back. That…I would watch. Who wouldn’t want to see Pauly Shore and Jesse Eisenberg in a slapfest?

There’s also the slap bet from “How I Met Your Mother.” Marshall had won several slaps by betting with Barney, which gave Marshall five slaps to deliver to Barney at any time. The slaps were also transferable so someone else could slap Barney. Maybe instead of taking away Will Smith’s Oscar, the Academy can set up a slap-bet commissioner, (I would nominate Alyson Hannigan, who played Lily in “HIMYM” and was the slap-bet commissioner) who will decide how many slaps Chris Rock gets to give to Will Smith…at any time he wants. Two years from now, Will Smith could be filming a scene for Men In Black 4 when all of a sudden, an alien turns out to be Chris Rock and slaps the crap out of Agent J. Knowing you have a slap debt makes you live in constant terror.

If nothing else, Wrestlemania is approaching. Maybe Vince McMahon can set up a slapping match between Will Smith and Chris Rock. I would watch that too.

Music Note: I listened to Verbena again because it’s great stuff to color to.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

Watch me draw:

Fartsy Foreign Meddling


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I have this belief that if Donald Trump wins reelection, he’ll pull the United States out of NATO, he’ll invite Vladimir Putin to the White House, and he’ll withdraw all American forces off the Korean peninsula.

I don’t have this belief because I’m suffering from imaginary Trump Derangement Syndrome. I believe this because there are reports he’s voiced out loud about doing all three. In regards to Korea, he now has another reason. A film from South Korea won an Oscar for best picture. For some reason, that really pisses Donald Trump off.

At a racist fucknut rally yesterday, Donald Trump stood up to defend the American film industry from foreign attacks. I don’t really get it. He railed against the film “Parasite,” a South Korean production that you would have to watch with subtitles unless you speak Korean. “Parasite” is the first foreign-language film to win Best Picture.

Trump said to the adoring racist masses, “And the winner is a movie from South Korea, what the hell was that all about? We got enough problems with South Korea with trade. On top of it, they give them the best movie of the year? Was it good? I don’t know.” He then asked, “Can we get ‘Gone With the Wind’ back, please?” and also name-checked “Sunset Boulevard.” What’s next? Complain that James Woods has never won an Oscar? I haven’t actually looked that up but I am that confident he hasn’t won one.

Donald Trump doesn’t understand how anything works. “Gone With the Wind” won an Oscar for Best Picture in 1940, thus it’s not eligible to win one in 2020. “Sunset Boulevard” came out in 1950. But if Trump’s going to campaign for any movie, perhaps he should look into “Dumb and Dumber.”

Neon, the U.S. film production and distribution company backing “Parasite,” replied with, “Understandable. He can’t read,” referencing the film’s subtitles. The Democratic National Committee took the same tack with, “‘Parasite’ is a foreign movie about how oblivious the ultrarich are about the struggles of the working class, and it requires two hours of reading subtitles. Of course, Trump hates it.” And he hates it without even having seen it. But then again, he has an opinion about everything he doesn’t know anything about. I bet he has a lot of them on the G spot.

I’m not sure why he’s going after a foreign film winning an Oscar since he’s not a big fan of recent U.S. films either. But at least he’s trying to protect something American. When it comes to Russian meddling in our elections, past and present, he doesn’t care. A foreign power attacking our democratic process, he goes four years without mentioning. South Koreans winning an Oscar, that he mentions.

After acting-Director of National Intelligence Joseph Maguire briefed Congress on Russia interfering in the 2020 election to help Trump, Donald Trump got upset and viewed Maguire as disloyal. Trump is afraid Democrats will use the information against him in the election. For Trump, using the fact he’s accepting foreign help is worse than him using foreign help, and the Director of National Intelligence is supposed to be more loyal to him than to America.

Donald Trump, who has told his minions that he wants to remove people from government who are not loyal to him, is now removing Maguire and replacing him with a loyal Trump goon. Maguire is a career official who is respected by the intelligence rank and file. Trump is replacing him with Richard Grennell, who is the current ambassador to Germany (was disappointed to find out the Nazis are gone) and has zero experience with intelligence. In fact, he’s more fond of carrying water for Trump’s conspiracy theories. There’s also talk of eventually making Congressman Doug Collins the permanent Director, who is also a bigger proponent of Trump conspiracy theories than facts.

In fact, during the briefing to Congress delivered by Shelby Pierson, the American intelligence community’s top election security official, Republicans accused the briefers of trying to sabotage Trump. Then, Devin Nunes went running to Donald Trump to tell him about it and warn him that Adam Schiff, lead impeachment manager and Chairman of the House Intelligence Committee, was in the room. Reportedly, Trump went off the rails at Maguire before firing him. Now there are reports that Pierson may be leaving also. Maybe Nunes is also the one to tell Trump about “Parasite.”

Donald Trump is worried this information will be used against him, which would be legal. But we don’t need this briefing to know Russia is helping Donald Trump win reelection. We already knew this. Trump’s supporters may always use the defense of “Russia, Russia, Russia” while rolling their eyes, but the rest of the nation takes our security seriously. The rest of us are more loyal to our country than to an orange cult leader. Also, Vladimir Putin already told us he wanted Trump to win in 2016, so duh.

Donald Trump doesn’t like “Parasite,” because it’s about a family posing as something they’re not to get into a house where they don’t belong. But the most ironic thing is, he is a parasite. Personally, I don’t mind reading for two hours so I’m going to watch “Parasite.”

A family posing as something they’re not to get into a house where they don’t belong? I really need to know how it ends.

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Do The Right Thing


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During his acceptance speech for winning an Oscar Sunday night, director Spike Lee said, “The 2020 presidential election is around the corner. Let’s all mobilize. Let’s all be on the right side of history. Make the moral choice between love versus hate.”

Mobilize? Be on the right side of history? Make the moral choice between love and hate? That’s a very uplifting message only a righteous douchebag could get upset over. So…Donald Trump got upset over it and sent out a 6:50 am hate tweet.

Trump tweeted, “Be nice if Spike Lee could read his notes, or better yet not have to use notes at all, when doing his racist hit on your President, who has done more for African Americans (Criminal Justice Reform, Lowest Unemployment numbers in History, Tax Cuts,etc.) than almost any other Pres!”

Firstly, how is what Spike Lee said in any way racist toward Trump or anyone else? It’s not like he said he hates Oompa Loompas and doesn’t want any to move into his neighborhood. Second, all the positive numbers for African-Americans since Trump came into office is a continuance of an upward trend started during Obama’s presidency. Trump is continuing his trend of taking credit for “my” president’s accomplishments. Third, if criticizing someone of a different race is racist, then Trump’s tweet was racist. And fourth, Trump’s going to criticize someone else’s reading skills? Seriously?

Lee capped off his statement with, “Do the right thing,” the title of his 1989 movie. Lee is right in that we need to do the right thing and end this nightmare of a president who strives to always do the wrong thing. This is a president who chooses hate over love. He uses hate to feed his base and maintain his dwindling support.

BlacKkKlansman spoiler in the next paragraph: Lee won his first competitive Oscar, for best adapted screenplay for his great movie BlackKklansman.  In the film set in the early 1970s, two of the characters debate whether this nation will ever elect a person like David Duke as president. One of the characters explains that Duke was working to make his hate and racist agenda mainstream. The film ends showing the hate march of neo-Nazis in Charlottesville which killed counter protester Heather Heyer. David Duke endorsed Donald Trump. Trump endorsed the Nazis march in Charlottesville. We elected a man like David Duke.

In 2020, we have to correct this. When we vote in 2020, you and I have to do the right thing.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

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Oscars Grab


cjones03072018

Plenty of highlights come out of the Academy Awards that I always read about the next day. I don’t watch award shows. Why would I? Why does anyone?

While there is still a lot of focus on who wore what, people in my business pay attention to how the movie industry reflects society. We also wait for a Trump Tweet attacking any criticism he may have received at the ceremony.

This year’s awards were focused on diversity. A Mexican immigrant won the award for best director. The award for best screenplay went to a black man for the first time. Best animation went to a tale about Mexico. How nice of Tinseltown talk about diversity while it hasn’t always reflected it. This is an industry that looked the other way, and excused, for decades as women were sexually harassed by those in power.

While the Academy Awards and Hollywood is a trendsetter for American culture, it often takes decades to catch up to reality and what’s truly important.

Ashley Judd, Salma Hayek and Annabella Sciorra, three of Harvey Weinstein’s accusers gave a presentation highlighting diversity in films.  Does this mean the industry will start reflecting diversity with casting and pay?

I’m always amused by people who say they don’t care about the Oscars while complaining incessantly about it. But, there is something to not caring about a bunch of rich, privileged, out-of-touch people giving awards to each other. The “important” people do take care of each other, as people like Ben Affleck and Quentin Tarantino spent decades remaining silent about Weinstein. They never defended the women who were victimized, but they made sure to pick up their checks and awards from their association with Harvey.

Hollywood punished actresses who called out Weinstein years ago. Now, people like Affleck and Tarantino say how horrible it was. Like latching onto the #MeToo movement when it’s trendy, Hollywood is playing catch up.

While I do enjoy some of the political jokes, and feel good for particular winners (like Jordan Peele, Sam Rockwell, and Allison Janney), I don’t really don’t care about the industry’s viewpoints anymore than I care about who wore what.

Here’s the video.

Please consider making a donation to keep the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. Reader contributions, small and large, really do help and are appreciated in a time of dwindling revenue for political cartoonist. You wil also be supporting free speech and liberty while those in power are doing all they can to suppress it. You can also support by purchasing a signed print for $40.00. Just look at the right of this page and click the PayPal button. Thank you!

Lie Lie Land


cjones02282017

Think Progress, which admittedly is a very liberal website, has tracked 64 broken promises by Donald Trump within his first 30 days in office. I read it and while some are a stretch, he has already broken a crap load of promises. But this is Donald Trump. He lies. It’s what he does.

He said he wouldn’t have time to take vacations or play golf as being president would keep him busy. Lies. He said he’d cut ties to his businesses. More lies. He once said on the campaign trail that he’d get rid of Obamacare on his very first day in office. Huge lie. Notice how Congress, which voted to repeal Obamacare over 50 times while Obama was in office, hasn’t done squat on it since their president came into office? Trump also said he’d defeat ISIS within his first 30 days. Really big lie. He even said he’d stop tweeting after he became president. To quote The Thompson Twins, “lies, lies, lies, yeah.” I know. You gotta go way back to the 1980s and YouTube for that reference but in my defense, I’m old.

I did not watch the Oscars. A lot of people don’t watch out of protest. I don’t watch because I really don’t care. I watched The Walking Dead (I had a week to catch up on). While I was working on my last cartoon I received a few comments from readers saying they were looking forward to my take on the big Oscar mix up at the end of the event. Whosy whaty now? What’d I miss?

Oh, they called the wrong film for best picture. I went back and watched what happened. Did you watch or read about it? Well even if you did I’ll explain my take.

Faye Dunaway and Warren Beatty were to announce the winner of Best Picture. Apparently these two don’t like each other. Warren probably slept with her in the 70s and he still hasn’t called her back. Dunaway was insistent on being the one to announce the winner. Earlier in the evening Emma Stone won for Best Actress for La La Land (a movie I haven’t seen yet but should since I heard it’s really popular with white people and I’m a white people).

So Warren has the envelope and he sees that it says “Emma Stone” on the card and underneath her name it says “La La Land.” He knows there’s a problem as it says “Best Actress.” He pauses and Dunaway seemed afraid he’d announce the winner, took the card and saw “La La Land” and announced them as the winner. It’s all her fault.

The people from La La Land came on stage and did their speeches and while they were still up there it was announced that the actual winning film is “Moonlight.” That’s another movie I haven’t seen yet.

Jimmy Fallon, or Jimmy Kimmel, whichever Jimmy hosted that show, made the obvious Steve Harvey joke so that was taken from America’s political cartoonists, I hope. I knew there would be Trump/Hillary cartoons. I knew there’d be cartoons blaming Putin. My original idea had Trump winning for most terrific president ever. I wasn’t that excited about it and I figured another cartoonist somewhere would do something similar so I kept thinking about it. I really don’t know how I came up with this idea. I think there are wormholes in my brain and I keep going down them.

Donald Trump made a comment on the screw up because he has to comment on everything. He said they messed up because they were too focused on him. Once again everything is about him in his little Trump head. He’ll be speaking to Congress tomorrow night in prime time because he’s apparently not getting enough coverage in the press.

“Lie Lie Land” has been used in a lot of cartoons since that La La movie came out. I saved it for the cartoon. What is that movie about anyway? Any zombies in it?

Here’s something weird: This is the second cartoon in a week I’ve drawn that’s mentioned Emma Stone, who was in a movie with zombies once and I’m still waiting on that sequel. I’ll post the other Emma cartoon later today or tomorrow which was drawn for The Costa Rica Star.

Emma Stone is apparently the hot thing going right now which is alright by me. I’ve always liked her as she usually plays a really intelligent smart ass with a lot of spirit. I liked her in Zombieland and would probably even like her in the sequel if they ever make it. She was great in The Help, Easy A, and Crazy, Stupid, Love. I even liked her in The Rocker. The only stuff she’s done I haven’t liked was those two Spiderman movies and Aloha, where she was cast as an Asian/Hawaiian. What? Who came up with that crap and why would she do it?

But hey, if Donald Trump can pass as presidential I guess it’s believable that Emma could be Asian/Hawaiian.

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White Oscars


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I don’t know who would be offended more with this comparison. Liberal Hollywood or Republicans. Republican friends of mine attempt to claim that their party attracts blacks. They’ll point out a black candidate as if that’s an indication. It’s kinda like the Green Bay Packers. Just because there are black guys playing on the team doesn’t mean there’s any in the stands at Lambeau Field. If there’s one African American attending a GOP event, the camera will zoom in on them repeatedly.

I really don’t care that much about the Academy Awards. I never watch though I will root for someone. Usually I hope someone who’s never been recognized will win a statue, even if I haven’t seen the movie they’re nominated for. Last year I was rooting for Michael Keaton for best actor for his part in Birdman, though I hadn’t seen the movie yet. He didn’t win and I eventually saw the movie and he was excellent.

I have no idea who to root for this year as I can’t remember who’s been nominated and I don’t care enough right now to Google it. I do know Leo Dicaprio has been nominated again, this time for that movie where he wrestles a bear. I don’t care even though I’d probably root for the bear in that fight.

Though I don’t care about which individual wins an award, especially the Grammys (that’s just a glorified popularity contest that once gave the heavy metal Grammy to Jethro Tull, a flute blowing folkish band), I do care about exclusion. While individuals don’t have a right to be upset when they’re not nominated, or they don’t win (they can be disappointed), everyone should be angry when recognition eludes an entire race that has actually made an impact in the industry that’s serving out the awards. This is the second year in a row where they have failed to nominate one black actor. That’s 20 nominations (I just looked that up), 40 if you add both years. This “academy” gave one of their awards to Matthew McConaughey. While I did not see the movie he won the award for (because Matthew McConaughey was in it) I do know who he is and that he is the suck of all sucks. If they could give one to that ass clown then couldn’t they find one black actor worthy of a nomination?

I won’t be watching the Oscars this year. Is it boycotting since I never watch the Oscars?

I had this concept for a cartoon several days ago. I mention when I think I’m the first one to cover a subject. With this one I might be the last.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!