Obituary Cartoon

Shaken, Not Stirred


cjones11042020

As you’re probably aware, unless this is your first visit to Claytoonz.com, is that I HATE obituary cartoons…for the most part. But, I do acknowledge how much readers…and editors…love them.

I tweeted out, “A thump to the head to the first cartoonist who draws St. Peter serving a martini, shaken, not stirred.” You are going to see that cartoon. What’s worse than some cartoonist thinking it up and drawing it? The cartoonist who gets the idea from my tweet.

Right after that tweet, I thought of this and it actually made me laugh. So I cranked it out real quick. And I got to make myself laugh while giving editors something MOST won’t be afraid of.

I was never a James Bond fan. I didn’t hate it either. For me, it was always meh. I did think the Roger Craig…wait…that’s a football player. DANIEL Craig! That’s his name. Anyway…I thought his James Bond was pretty exciting. But…those movies still suck.

Yeah, they’re iconic but tell me the plot of one James Bond movie. There’s a spaceship and a bad guy with a cat and a henchman with steel teeth and there’s some torture designed to kill Bond but not before the entire evil plot is explained to him….yeah. You still don’t know any James Bond plots. You know Austin Powers plots, but not any for James Bond. You just know where he is, who is the bad guy, and who he’s laying. James Bond got laid so much they even put “pussy” in one of the movie titles which is unusual for a movie that’s not a porno.

But, regardless of that, Sean Connery was the coolest, smoothest man to ever play Bond. Maybe my problem with Bond is that while growing up, they were making them with Roger Moore.

I do remember one thing about those movies and that’s they’re great for first dates. I went on a first date in the 80s to a James Bond movie. It was one of those with Timothy Dalton…or was it Pierce Brosnan? Or was there another guy in there? I dunno. But again, during the 2000s, I went on another first date to a Bond film and this time, it was Daniel Craig. I mean, Daniel Craig was not my date…it was a girl…but it was to a Daniel Craig Bond movie. I was never as successful during those first dates as Bond was on the screen.

But I digress. I had fun drawing this one. Maybe I should draw all my cartoons within 30 minutes. RIP, Sean Connery…you smooth mother….

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

John Lewis


cjones07222020

My friend and former newspaper colleague Laura Hutchison wrote today, “I had the honor of meeting Rep. Lewis when he was our Herblock lecturer in 2017. I took these notes during his speech: ‘Get in trouble. Good trouble. Necessary trouble. Make some noise.’ In these times, this hero’s voice will be sorely missed—meaning the rest of us will have to make even more noise.”

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.