Lock Her Up

Lock Him Up

Donald Trump “truthed” that he’s going to be arrested on Tuesday. It’s Tuesday. As Ted Knight said in Caddyshack, “Well? We’re waiting.”

Republicans are in an uproar over the possibility Donald Trump will be indicted and arrested in Manhattan over the hush-money payment scheme to porn star Stormy Daniels. It didn’t work because we still found out about the “Yeti pubes.” They claim the statutes of limitations have passed in the case which is not true but is an admission of guilt. They claim the investigation is solely political since, as Trump puts it, he’s the “leading” candidate in the presidential race.

Trump claimed that Manhattan District Attorney Alvin Bragg “has allowed violent crime to reach new heights in New York without any retribution” in order to prosecute Trump. Other Republicans have made the same claim, saying Bragg should focus on other crimes in New York…and then without an ounce of awareness promise to investigate Bragg.

Instead of focusing on the border, inflation, the economy, China, and making sure Matt Gaetz isn’t hitting on underage congressional pages, Republicans want to investigate another Trump investigation.

Republican Florida congressman and Goon Caucus member Byron Donalds was on CNN this morning complaining about Bragg not focusing on New York, defended Congress going after Bragg, and then talked about how FEMA hasn’t provided enough trailers to his district after the last hurricane. Maybe you worry more about FEMA trailers in Florida and less about prosecutions in New York.

Republicans are threatening and harassing the Manhattan DA before any charges have been announced. While calling Bragg’s investigation political, they promise to investigate Bragg, and again without any awareness, with Jim Gym Jordan leading the committee.

Republicans are screaming and howling that a presidential candidate can’t be prosecuted, investigated, indicted, arrested, etc…while forgetting that they’re the “lock her up” gang.

Have you ever been to a Trump rally? I have. Have you at least seen one on TV? They do love their chants at Trump rallies. There’s “space force,” “fire Fauci,” “drain the swamp,” “build the wall,” and the always popular and very racist “send her back,” but perhaps the most popular of the chants that don’t exceed three syllables is “lock her up.”

In 2016, attendees of MAGA rallies started the chant “lock her up” in regard to Hillary Clinton, who at the time was the leading presidential candidate. Hmm. That’s weird. Right now, Republicans are saying it’s a bad thing to try to arrest leading presidential candidates and political opponents.

Donald Trump never disavowed these “lock her up” chants. Usually, he just stood at the podium with that creepy smile on his face ike he had just spotted a ten-year-old in Trump Tower that he’d like to date in eight years, allowing the crowd to continue the chant.

In 2020, while he was president (sic), he said during one of these “lock her up” chants, “I agree with you 100 percent.”

Throughout his presidency (sic), Trump called for investigations, prosecutions, indictments, and arrests of political opponents. He claimed Hillary Clinton and President Obama committed “treason” for their parts in the Russia investigation (they had zero parts in it).

In 2020, he tweeted at his Attorney General William Barr to “arrest somebody,” and wondered aloud why President Obama, then-Democratic nominee Joe Biden, and Hillary Clinton hadn’t been imprisoned for launching a “coup” against his administration.

In the same 24-hour period, he tweeted, “Where are all of the arrests? Can you imagine if the roles were reversed? Long term sentences would have started two years ago. Shameful!”

And then he let loose a barrage of tweets in all caps, stating, “DO SOMETHING ABOUT THIS, THE BIGGEST OF ALL POLITICAL SCANDALS (IN HISTORY)!!! BIDEN, OBAMA AND CROOKED HILLARY LED THIS TREASONOUS PLOT!!! BIDEN SHOULDN’T BE ALLOWED TO RUN – GOT CAUGHT!!!”

These tweets were sent right after Trump returned to the White House from Walter Reed Hospital where he was recovering from COVID, so he was probably pretty high on bleach, ivermectin, hydroxychloroquine, Diet Coke, and Adderall.

Elise Stefanik has called Bragg’s investigation “unAmerican.” Rand Paul, missing the irony of accusing Bragg of arresting political opponents while calling for Bragg’s arrest.

Speaker Kevin McCarthy said a possible indictment would be “an outrageous abuse of power by a radical DA who lets violent criminals walk as he pursues political vengeance.”

Mike Pence said it was a “politically-charged environment in New York where the attorney general and other elected officials literally campaigned on a pledge to prosecute the former president.” But it’s not as politically charged as the riot at the Capitol on January 6, 2021, that was chanting, “Hang Mike Pence.” Again, only three syllables.

Tech investor, Republican presidential candidate, and guy you never heard of before until now Vivek Ramaswamy said he didn’t want to live in a country where “the party in power is able to use police force to arrest its political opposition.”

Lauren Boebert tweeted, “We’re witnessing the most obscene political witch-hunt in American history.” And then her son impregnated the witch.

Marjorie Taylor Greene tweeted with a link to MTG merchandise, “George Soros puppet and Democrat activist Manhattan DA Alvin Bragg has declared us all Enemies of State by declaring war on MAGA.” But you too can proudly wear “Enemy of the State” panties.

Jim Gym Jordan said it was an “unprecedented abuse of prosecutorial authority.”

Matt Gaetz said to a young woman walking past him in a hallway, “Hey, are you 18 yet?”

George Santos said, “I never abused my office politically when I was the Manhattan DA.”

But if you can remember, the party in power in the House of Representatives in 2016 conducted the Benghazi hearings. They forced Hillary Clinton to testify during her campaign. Kevin McCarthy praised the hearings for hurting Clinton’s poll numbers.

None of the goons, not McCarthy, Stefanik, Donalds, Paul, Pence, MTG, Boebert, or Ramalamadingdong ever told Trump to stop tweeting to his Attorney General to arrest his political opponents. None of them called it “unAmerican.” Remember, all of these goons were A-OK with President (sic) Trump using taxpayer-funded military aid approved by Congress to extort the President of Ukraine to dig up dirt on his political opponent.

Attorney General (sic) Bill Barr did use the Justice Department to defend Trump and his goons and appointed a Special Counsel to investigate the Russia investigation, which has turned up diddly. So yeah, they did try to go after Trump’s political opponents. The problem was, they didn’t have anything on Trump’s political enemies. That’s the same problem they have today with the Bidens and all the claims of corruption and payments from China…they don’t have anything.

Republicans impeached President Bill Clinton for lying about oral sex but they want to sweep under the rug that Donald Trump paid hush money to a porn star to keep quiet about doing the wild thing in Vegas and that his ding-dong looks really really weird.

Republican outrage can’t be taken seriously. McCarthy says justice isn’t being applied evenly…and neither is his outrage.

If Democrats are actually using the law to go after political opponents, then Republicans are outraged that Democrats are acting like them.

If Republicans don’t want their candidates to be arrested, then stop making criminals your candidates.

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But Her Emails

cjones11242018

It’s like they didn’t pay attention to their own arguments in 2016.

Let’s play a game. Who relied on their personal attorneys to review their private emails and determine which messages should be retained as government records, Hillary or Ivanka? Which one claimed they never transferred classified information? Which one claimed they didn’t know the rules?

They were trick questions. They both did.

The Washington Post reported that Ivanka “sent hundreds of emails last year to White House aides, Cabinet officials and her assistants using a personal account, many of them in violation of federal records rules.”

Did Ivanka not understand that a huge portion of Donald Trump’s campaign was based on Clinton’s use of a private server? Did she not hear the constant “lock her up” chants, which they’re still screaming at Trump rallies? Who did she think her daddy was talking about when he said “Crooked Hillary,” Hillary Duff? Hillary Swank? Hilary, my copy editor (She’s been on the receiving end of a lot of nasty names in the past)?

I’m not buying that she didn’t know the rules. The problem for her is, and every member of the Trump family and administration is that they think rules don’t apply to them. It’s not even as much about the hypocrisy of her being a Republican and Clinton is a Democrat as it is about her being a Trump.

My advice for Miss Complicit is, enjoy your time testifying before the Democrats in Congress. It’s not going to be as much fun as an interview on Fox News.

Be Complicit
What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch me draw.

Hack Of The Penguins

cjones11012018

Republicans love to chant “lock her up” about Hillary Clinton. They really want to send her to prison. Perhaps they’ve been chanting the chant for so long that they’ve forgotten why they want to “lock her up.”

During her tenure as Secretary of State, Clinton used a private server for her government emails. Many people feel this server was vulnerable to hacking by foreign governments. The FBI investigated then declined to press charges. They made a big deal about it days before the election. Despite this, Republicans and Trump sycophants still want to see her in a prison jumpsuit. Why? Because they’re assholes. It’s definitely not because they take the security of government secrets seriously.

If they did take it seriously, they’d be outraged that Donald Trump has continued to expose himself to foreign spies after being warned time and time again. Why? Because he’s too damn lazy to follow protocol.

The government supplies Trump with secure phones which they replace about every thirty days. Obama complained about the phones because there’s not much you can do with them. He joked that they were like toy phones you would give to a child. Now, the child in the White House refuses to use those phones or the secure landline provided to him in the White House. He insists on using his own iPhone.

For a guy who hasn’t figured out how to close an umbrella, new technology can be challenging. But, how difficult can it be to use the landline when calling your rich jerkwad buddies and Sean Hannity for late-night gossip sessions? Oh yeah. Because he doesn’t want records on whom he’s talking to. Frankly, I wouldn’t want anyone to know I was watching Hannity less enough talking to him.

But, since he is using an unsecured phone, it’s not just likely that he’s being spied on by foreign governments. He is being spied on by foreign governments. According to The New York Times, by the Russians and the Chinese. The Russians are spying to check in on their investment and the Chinese are using it to manipulate him as they have financial interests in many of the people Trump chooses to talk to.

The only silver lining in all of this is that Donald Trump may be too stupid to retain national security secrets for long periods of time. So, what the spies are mostly hearing is what we’re hearing. They’re getting a lot of conspiracy theories, bigotry, and Trump talking about how great Trump is. They’re probably also getting a lot of “the entire world is mean to me.” I kinda feel sorry for the spies on the Trump iPhone detail. I learned English for this?

Trump tweeted out a denial stating, “The so-called experts on Trump over at the New York Times wrote a long and boring article on my cellphone usage that is so incorrect I do not have time here to correct it. I only use Government Phones, and have only one seldom used government cell phone. Story is soooo wrong!” Naturally, the tweet was sent from an iPhone.

The Chinese didn’t even bother to deny the report and instead, offered some advice. Their foreign minister said, “If they are worrying about iPhones being tapped, they can use Huawei.” Huawei is a Chinese-made cell phone.

As for the penguins, who are further south than South America? Trump stated there were people in the caravan from South America and further south. Huh? Someone should show him a map and explain that big white area at the bottom below South America is Antarctica.

I know it’s really hard to keep track of the lies about the caravan. They’re full of gang bangers and Islamic terrorists invading us by slowing walking over 2,000 miles toward our border to give each of us leprosy. Never mind the fact most won’t make it, or that this is a small drop in the immigration bucket if they do actually make through the border.

Another little factoid the sycophants are overlooking is that the people in the caravan actually have the right to come to our border and request asylum. Personally, if someone is willing to leave their home and walk over 2,000 miles to give their children a slight chance of living in the United States, we should hear them out. I think that’s a greater character trait than sitting on a Gab hate forum all day talking about shooting up synagogues or mailing pipe bombs to Trump’s critics.

We don’t need protection from an immigrant caravan that poses no risks to this nation. We need protection from Trump.

Be Complicit
What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch me draw.

Tofurky

cjones11242016

Among all the stupid and idiotic issues Donald Trump ran on the promise of jailing his political opponent was the dumbest.

First, it’s illegal. It was one of the Articles of Impeachment written up for Richard Nixon, and yet Trump ran on it. He was promising to be impeached. Second, it’s not what we do. We’re not a banana republic, or at least we weren’t.

His supporters feel betrayed. He encouraged chants of “lock her up.” He said he’d order his Attorney General to open an investigation of Hillary Clinton. During the last debate he said she’d “be in jail” if he was in charge (between his sniffles). He claimed her email scandal was larger than Watergate. Now he says “never mind.”

Even Breitbart, the alt-right bastion of hatred and a magnet for white supremacists and Nazis is upset. They supported Trump during the campaign and even took his side after his (now former) campaign manager roughed up one of their female reporters. Their leader is taking a job as Trump’s Chief Nazi Strategist.

The thing is, Trump doesn’t decide who gets investigated. The president does not do that. If he does do that then he and his Justice Department are breaking the law. Donald Trump is either a huge liar who lied all along or he doesn’t know what his new job entails. It’s not king. I don’t care if he does convince Scotland to move windmills away from his golf club.

Donald Trump is going to break a lot of promises so his supporters should get used to it. Now he says he’s “open minded” about climate change and wants to keep parts of Obamacare. You know that wall he promised and you voted for? Yeah, that’s now gonna be a fence and in some parts, an imaginary wall. You fell for the sales pitch of a con man.

If you’re a liberal disappointed that Trump won’t pursue punishing his political enemy because you wanted to see him impeached, don’t worry. He’s guaranteeing us the most corrupt administration in American history. He’s holding meetings with foreign leaders and bringing up his business and having his daughter, who will lead his company, in on the meetings. He’s stated that a president “can’t have a conflict of interest,” which is like when Nixon said “it’s not illegal if the president does it.” Maybe this is something he will learn.

Creative stuff: This is the second Thanksgiving themed cartoon I’ve drawn this year. It’s also the last since I’m not usually fond of them and this is dated for Thanksgiving day. Some cartoonists continue to draw holiday themed cartoons even after the particular holiday is over. I don’t get that. At least I didn’t use the pardon or a Pilgrim about to chop off a Turkey head.

I had fun with Trump’s mouth. That didn’t sound right. Let me rephrase it. I had fun DRAWING Trump’s mouth for this one. I tried something a little bit different and took a cue from Alec Baldwin’s impersonation of Trump he performs on Saturday Night Live. He does this thing where he leaves his mouth hanging open, like a mouth breather, and gives the impression he’s confused and trying to think with great difficulty. It really works.

I research some bizarre stuff for my cartoons and today I researched Tofurky. Yes, I spelled it correctly. I would have spelled it “Tofurkey” if I hadn’t looked it up (and I just noticed the trending hashtag on Twitter spells it incorrectly). Tofurky is actually the copyrighted name of a product. It’s meatless turkey made from tofu (bleah) and soy (double bleah) and it looks kinda like a roast you don’t want to eat. During my research I even went over a taste test of veggie turkey dinners and some looked like a roast and others resembled cat food. Apparently they all tasted kinda like cat food except for one, which wasn’t Tofurky. I don’t know for sure what I’ll be having on Thursday but I guarantee you it won’t be Tofurky.

Several years ago I was seeing a girl who is Jewish and I went to her home on Thanksgiving. There wasn’t any turkey or cranberry sauce but they had a brisket. On the way home I had to stop at Wawa for their “gobbler” bowl thingy. It wasn’t Thanksgiving for me without turkey, cranberry sauce, and stuffing.

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