Jeff Sessions

Mellow Harshing Sessions


cjones01062018

I don’t like marijuana. A lot of people in my profession are afraid to admit they ever smoked the stuff in the past, just in case they’re going to transport to 1992 and run for president. I don’t care who knows it. I smoked it on a fairly frequent basis as a teen despite not really liking it.

It wasn’t so much a peer pressure thing as it was just what we did. If I was hanging out with one friend, pot didn’t turn up. If there was a group, then there was pot. At some point, I decided I just wasn’t going to do it anymore. That was probably the day I gave a dealer a ride home, and he lost a joint in my car and he wouldn’t leave until he found it. But, after I decided not to do it anymore I discovered something. Nobody cared.

I didn’t face a backlash. I didn’t lose friends. No one thought I wasn’t cool anymore, maybe because I wasn’t really cool to begin with, but my life didn’t change. At some point, when the doobie was passed around (do we still call them “doobies?”), everyone would just bypass me instead of asking if I wanted a hit. People who do pot tend to be very friendly and generous while smoking. While I have hung out with a lot of people while they were smoking (remember, I have been in bands), I never cared either. I usually liked the aroma and smelling it was a part of band practice.

While I don’t like pot I know I can’t debate you into not liking it. I don’t care if you love it. I think the stuff is mostly harmless and more beneficial to people who need it for an illness. Marijuana should be legal, medically and recreationally. Voters in several states agree.

While marijuana is legal in states like Colorado, Washington, and now California, it’s still illegal federally. Obama handled this situation by telling the federal government to chill out and leave those states along. Candidate Donald Trump said he would continue the same policy. Candidate Donald Trump is a liar.

While Donald Trump attempts to exert strict control over the Justice Department and Attorney General Jeff Sessions over investigations into his corruption, believing they exist to serve him, he hasn’t lifted a finger of the AG’s decision to end Obama’s policy on marijuana.

Sessions rescinded an Obama-era policy that discouraged federal prosecutors in most cases from bringing charges wherever marijuana is legal. Sessions has long been a critic of marijuana.

I have never done illegal drugs in my life. I can say that because marijuana is not a drug. It’s organic. I’m not one to say everyone should try everything before they oppose it, but Jeff Sessions could use one good high. The experience would educate him that the stuff is harmless (even if he doesn’t like it), and you really shouldn’t worry about other people doing it. But, since they can’t freak out over what gay people do in their bedrooms anymore that doesn’t involve them, Republicans have this to scrutinize.

If anything, the legalizing of weed in states has proven wrong every fear there was about legalizing it. Crime hasn’t increased, people aren’t tripping off buildings, folks aren’t driving their cars into preschools, etc. It’s been a boom for state budgets and entrepreneurs.

It’s been far more expensive criminalizing marijuana over the decades. If the Charleston can go out of style from the 1920s, then why can’t prohibition?

It’s also very hypocritical of an old, Southern, racist redneck that used to get hysterical over state’s rights to now want to crack down on something that doesn’t hurt anyone.

Again, I’m going to advocate that Jeff Sessions needs to get high. Now, I don’t expect him to fire up a blunt, but perhaps we can put some into a Keebler cookie. That sounds like it’d be right up his tree.

Wouldn’t it be awesome to see a stoned Jeff Sessions doing the Charleston? That’s gonna be in my head all day.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude

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Collusion Over Coffee


cjones11162017

It’s been a very busy week for bullshit.

First, Vladimir Putin told Trump he didn’t have anything to do with Russia meddling in our election. As if, Russia had Wikileaks hack into the DNC, made attempts to hack into voting systems, placed ads on Facebook and Twitter, sent Russians to hang out with Trump sycophants, and unleashed troll farms, all without Putin being aware of it. Worse yet, Trump believed him.

Then, Jeff Sessions is questioned by Congress again, and tells us his previous lies weren’t lies. There were a lot of “I don’t recalls,” and he explained how he suddenly remembers telling Papadopoulos not to go to Russia at a meeting he doesn’t remember attending.

I’m not sure this administration can match Reagan’s with “I don’t recalls,” but they may beat them in indictments.

And then…Donald Trump Jr, who got really upset every time someone accused the campaign of colluding with Russia, revealed yet another incident of his collusion with Russia.

During the campaign, Jr. was trading messages back and forth with Wikileaks through Twitter. They even asked Jr. to give them his father’s tax returns so they could leak it and pretend they weren’t just going after the Clinton campaign. Wink wink. Nudge nudge.

Wikileaks suggested to Jr. that Trump not concede if he lost, and should challenge the results (which he still did after winning). Jr. even emailed Steve Bannon, Kellyanne Conway, and Jared Kushner to tell them Wikileaks just made contact. Jared forwarded that email to Hope Hicks. How often have we seen Kellyanne on TV denying there was any collusion with Russia? Maybe twice?

In keeping with his strategy of not knowing when to shut up, Jr. tweeted out, “Here is the entire chain of messages with @wikileaks9 with my whopping 3 responses) which one of the congressional committees has chosen to selectively leak. How ironic!”

How terrible it must be when someone leaks proof you’re full of shit and a traitor.

Uh, Jr….the fact you replied even once can be described as a whopper. What else can be defined as whopperistic are your denials of collusion. If you were actually transparent you would have revealed this a very long time ago, at least around the time you were calling people liars who accused you of colluding. Or maybe, you could have revealed this after everyone found out you were hosting Russians who were promising dirt on Hillary in Trump Tower.

Jeff Sessions once said “good people don’t smoke marijuana,” but potheads have a better memory than these guys.

People are starting to think maybe Eric isn’t the dumb one after all. At this point, I’m starting to think Carter Page might be related.

Meanwhile, wingnuts are destroying Keurig coffee makers because the company pulled advertising from Sean Hannity’s show when that guy helped deflect Roy Moore’s pedophilia.

Destroying coffee makers should please Kellyanne Conway, who believes kitchen appliances can spy on us.

It’s hard to get cartoon ideas on people who are already cartoons.

Creative notes: Shortish blog today because I need to write ideas for two commissioned projects. Also, I’m not sure if this cartoon is good at all. But, sometimes I’ll go with something if it makes me laugh and I can have fun with it. It’s hard to tell sometimes when you don’t get your idea until 5:00 AM.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Hating Jeff’s Cookies


cjones07272017

A flaming bag of poo may be the perfect metaphor for the Trump administration.

Jeff Sessions wasn’t just one of the first elected officials to endorse Donald Trump for president, he was the first United States Senator to back Trump. Sessions looked at Trump and saw narcissism, ignorance, stupidity, sexism, and racism and said, “that’s what I want for a president.” It was probably the racism that got him.

Sessions introduced Trump at one of his earliest rallies, which was in Mobile, Alabama. He was in so deep with the Trump campaign that he was secretly meeting Russians for Trump. He later forgot to mention meeting these Russians during his confirmation hearings. Sessions was in so tight with Trump, that he committed perjury for him.

Trump was so appreciative of Sessions’ support, he awarded him with the job of Attorney General after his first two choices backed out (turns out Matlock is fictional). What a guy.

Since Trump is one of those “what have you done for me lately?” kinda guys, his love for Sessions has gone soft. Some would say it’s entirely limp. It’s flaccid. It’s dysfunctional. It’s not getting back up anytime soon.

Trump is really upset that Sessions recused himself from the Russia investigation, and his deputy appointed a Special Counsel to investigate the president’s collusion with Russia.

Trump says if Sessions had told him before he was appointed AG that he would recuse himself, then Trump would not have appointed him. Unless Sessions and Trump plotted the Russia collusion together and one of them said “we might be investigated for this,” then how was Sessions to know there would be a need for an investigation?

Trump says Sessions should not have recused himself. Sessions should not have had to recuse himself because he shouldn’t be Attorney General. We also shouldn’t have a president neck-deep in Putin’s anus, but what ya’ gonna do?

Trump values loyalty. It’s something that he keeps bringing up. He puts great stock in people being loyal to him, but not in his own loyalty. He expects loyalty to be placed above the law. The law is what Sessions followed in recusing himself and that’s chapped Trump’s orange ass.

Trump sold out Sean Spicer and now he’s selling out Sessions. He’s conducted a tweet storm against the guy and questioning why he’s not using his position for political retribution to go after his opponent from the presidential campaign and the former FBI director.

If Trump fires Sessions, it won’t be just because he’s angry. It’ll be to thwart the Special Counsel’s investigation. Trump can’t fire Robert Mueller. He has to tell his appointees in the Justice Department to do that dirty work. The firing would have to be done by Deputy Attorney General Rod Rosenstein unless Trump fires him too. Trump’s already expressed concern that Rosenstein is from liberal Baltimore, even though he’s not.

This issue is another reason to pay close attention to what the Republicans are doing in the Senate with their health-care bill. They’re ramming several versions through for a vote. If they all fail, then the Senate will be able to say they tried, and then go on recess and hang out on the beach like Chris Christie. It’s during this recess that Trump could fire Sessions and make a recess appointment, which won’t need Senate confirmation. However, that appointment can only be made if the recess is to last longer than ten days and the Senate may fight it. While the Republicans love Trump, and they control the Senate calendar, they also love Sessions who was previously one of them.

Firing Sessions may be the final act to anger Republicans in Congress. Trump has already fired an FBI director to stop the investigation into Russia, and that action made it worse. Firing more people to end the investigation will only heighten the need to investigate, and perhaps remove Trump from office. We’re already on the highway to a Constitutional crisis.

I’m all for removing an Attorney General who doesn’t believe in justice for minorities or Civil Rights, but I’m not for obstruction of justice. Someone does need to be removed from office and that person is the president.

Trump, focusing on what’s “fair” to him and only him, says it’s unfair to the president that the Attorney General recused himself. What is unfair is that we have to live through the administration of an unqualified president who wants to rule, not govern, and places himself above the law.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Jefferson’s Cookies


cjones06162017

Jefferson Beauregard Sessions’ testimony before the Senate Intelligence Committee was frustrating.  He had more “I can’t recalls” than Ronald Reagan when he was answering questions about Iran/Contra.

During his confirmation hearing to become Attorney General, Sessions was answering about Trump surrogates meeting with Russians. Sessions said he wasn’t aware of any meetings and then volunteered that he never met the Russians. As it turns out, he met the Russian ambassador, Sergey Kislyak, at least twice, and possibly a third time. He “can’t recall” if he met Kislyak at the Mayflower Hotel during a Trump speech, though witnesses report they saw them chatting. I stayed at the Mayflower Hotel once and if I had met any Russians there I would definitely remember that unless Sergey Kislyak has some sort of hypnotic charm that makes people forget they met him.

It’s surprising how many people in the Trump administration have been snacking on these Russian cookies and totally forget having done so.

Sessions lied to Congress to be confirmed. Since he was confirmed on a lie, he should resign.

He claims he recused himself from all matters involving investigations into Russia, he was in on Donald Trump firing FBI director James Comey. Trump even said he fired Comey because of the investigation into Russia. I’m sure Sessions was in on Comey’s replacement.

Sessions contradicted himself in regard to Comey. He said he trusted Comey to do his job and that’s why he didn’t get involved with Trump attempting to interfere with Comey’s investigation. Then he says Comey was doing a bad job and had to be fired for his handling of the Clinton investigation. He advised the president to fire Comey.

Sessions says he can’t remember what he discussed with Kislyak when they met in his office, but he’s adamant that they didn’t talk about meddling in the election. It’s not believable that he can’t remember what they discussed.

Sessions refused to answer questions about his conversations with Trump. Sessions didn’t cite “executive privilege,” but said the president may use it later in regard to those conversations. He also claimed there was a Justice Department policy on keeping those conversations private but he couldn’t cite the policy. He’s sure it’s written down somewhere. It’s a weasely way to get out of giving answers you don’t want to give, which comes natural to shit weasels.

Cornell Law School professor Jens David Ohlin said Sessions’ reasoning did not make sense.

“His justification for refusing to answer the questions was completely incoherent. He claimed executive privilege but then denied that he had done so,” Ohlin said. “It made no sense whatsoever. He’s basically trying to have his cake and eat it, too: claim executive privilege but then pretend that he didn’t. His position has no basis in law, common sense, or logic.”

There’s a lot of stuff going down with the Trump administration that doesn’t have any basis in law, logic, common sense, or any sense. Hell, it doesn’t make sense that Trump is even president or that anyone with a functioning brain voted for him.

It’s a game Sessions is playing with the “executive privilege” excuse. The president hasn’t cited it and if he does, the Senate could challenge it in court. If a court rules that those discussions aren’t pertinent to national security or classified information, then Sessions will be forced to answer.

If Sessions is ever forced to answer these questions regarding Russia, his dealings with Comey and Trump, it will chop his hollow tree down. And wouldn’t that be delicious?

Creative Notes: This was my second idea. Another cartoonist produced a cartoon very similar to my first so I scratched it and went back to the drawing board. A lot of cartoonists will think of an idea and believe it will occur to others too, so they race to be the first one. I don’t do that. What’s the point of being first with an obvious idea? I’m glad the other guy beat me to my first idea.

A reader was critical of some of my short jokes directed at Sessions. It’s not so much a short joke as it is an elf joke. I’m not making Sessions a Keebler elf here entirely because he’s short. I’m making him look like the Keebler elf because he looks like the Keebler elf. It’s the same for Ted Cruz. I don’t draw him looking like Grandpa Munster because he’s a creepy, hideous, ugly-looking dude. I draw him as Grandpa Munster because he looks like Grandpa Munster. He also looks like Mr. Haney from Green Acres.

Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. Your support contributes to my work and continued existence. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Want a signed copy of this cartoon? Donate at least $50 and I’ll ship it to you. Make sure to mention in the note with your donation which cartoon you want along with the mailing address you need it shipped to. If it’s a gift, make sure to mention the recipient’s name so I can make it out to them.

Laughable Justice


cjones05092017

During the confirmation hearings for Jeff Sessions as Attorney General, his Senate colleague and fellow Alabaman Richard Shelby said that Sessions’ history of “treating all Americans equally under the law is clear and well-documented.” Did you just laugh? Desiree Fairooz did.

Fairooz was in attendance as a member of the Code Pink activists group to protest Sessions’ nomination. Her laughter can barely be heard in footage of the event. Of course conservatives didn’t find it funny at all probably because it wasn’t a black joke.

The Justice Department wasn’t amused either and is literally prosecuting her for laughing at their leader. During her trial this week Session’s Justice Department argued that “the laugh amounted to willful ‘disorderly and disruptive conduct’ intended to ‘impede, disrupt, and disturb the orderly conduct’ of congressional proceedings.” They claim that “the laugh was extraordinarily disruptive,” with a US Capitol Police officer claiming that Fairooz laughed “very loudly and people in the hearings turned around when they heard it.” Video footage proves that’s not true.

The jury threw out the charges against her laughing and instead convicted her for disrupting the hearing, which she only did after a Capitol policeman grabbed her and threw her out.

Fairooz faces a fine and actual jail time for laughing at Jeff Sessions which is really going to suck for the rest of us because laughing at Jeff Sessions is the only way to prevent yourself from the night terrors that he’s actually in charge of our Justice Department. You would think that by this point in his life that Sessions would be used to people laughing at him.

There are times when the humorless Justice Department does lighten up. An example from this week is their refusal to charge two white police officers who shot and killed Alton Sterling in Baton Rouge, Louisiana. The officers shot Sterling, who is black, six times. The incident was caught on video which went viral. The final shots were into Sterling’s back. The two officers had Sterling pinned to the ground when they shot him.

In the cops’ defense, neither one was laughing.

Creative note: One of you guys commented on this blog the last time I picked on Jeff Sessions and expressed unhappiness that I made short jokes and referred to Sessions as “elfish.”

When I first started at The Free Lance-Star my editor got upset with me one day for drawing a large city councilman as a large person. He said that we don’t make fun of people’s appearances. I pointed out that every cartoon he ever approved had made fun of someone’s appearance.

Jeff Sessions isn’t elfish just for his height. He’s elfish partly for his height, or lack of, his ears, and his stature and personality. I’m going to keep drawing sessions in high chairs and sitting and standing on books. Not because I’m Randy Newman and think short people “got no reason to live,” but because it’s too much fun.

Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. Your support contributes to my work and continued existence. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Want a signed copy of this cartoon? Donate at least $50 and I’ll ship it to you. Make sure to mention in the note with your donation which cartoon you want along with the mailing address you need it shipped to. If it’s a gift, make sure to mention the recipient’s name so I can make it out to them.

Confederate Monuments


cjones04302017

New Orleans, Louisiana (my home state) is removing monuments to the Confederacy from within the city. The type of people who continue to fly Confederate flags and scream “heritage, not hate” are upset.

The outrage is so intense that the monuments are being removed late at night under police protection. The company hired to remove the statues are even putting tape over their logos on their vehicles out of safety and concern over loss of business.

The first of four monuments, the Battle of Liberty Place, was removed early Monday morning. The battle being memorialized by that particular monument isn’t even from the Confederacy. It was an insurrection by the Crescent City White League against the Reconstruction state government in 1874, nearly ten years after the Civil War ended. The monument was erected in 1891 in praise of the racist insurrection as the city and state at that time was in the process of disenfranchising blacks. Nice memorial you’re fighting for there, Whities.

The other three monuments, Confederate President Jefferson Davis, Generals Robert E. Lee, and P.G.T. Beauregard will be removed in the near future on unspecified dates. You know the current White League will be conducting surveillance on each of those so they’ll know when they’re coming down.

Speaking of old monuments named “Beauregard,” one old codgy monument that needs to be removed but is firmly in place is our current Attorney General, Jefferson Beauregard Sessions. You would think a Southerner from with a name like “Jefferson Beauregard” would be a little more cautious on matters with race. Not our Jefferson Beauregard.

Sessions has called the ACLU and NAACP “un-American” and that they were teaching “un-American” values. He has stated that the NAACP was “forcing Civil Rights down the throats of people.” He also said “You know the NAACP hates white people; they are out to get them. That is why they bring these lawsuits, and they are a commie group and a pinko organization as well.” Regarding the Ku Klux Klan, Sessions stated “I thought those guys were OK until I learned they smoked pot.” He’s also been accused of saying to a black colleaugue “You ought to be careful as to what you say to white folks.” The list goes on and on.

When Sessions was nominated for a federal judgeship in 1986, Coretta Scott King wrote a letter to Congress asking them to block his nomination. She wrote that allowing him to join the bench would “irreparably damage the work of my husband.” That is some serious stuff there.

And just last week Sessions, who loves the ideas of a border wall and kicking out brown people was upset that a judge in Hawaii (another state I lived and worked in) knocked down Trump’s travel ban on Muslims. Sessions “amazed that a judge sitting on an island in the Pacific can issue an order that stops the president of the United States from what appears to be clearly his statutory and Constitutional power.” Sessions ate a lot of crap for that and tried to defend his comments afterward. I don’t understand why a judge in Hawaii isn’t as legitimate as a judge in any other state, unless he’s upset that that “island in the Pacific” isn’t majority white.

These old Confederate dudes have a hard time letting go. Those people in New Orleans are upset over a statue coming down of Robert E. Lee and they cite history….yet disregard the fact that Lee never set foot in New Orleans.

They can’t let go of the Civil War which means that in two hundred years they’ll still be calling former South Carolina governor, and current ambassador to the U.N., Nikki Haley a traitor for removing the Confederate Battle Flag from her state’s Capitol grounds.

Here in Virginia a Republican running for governor had comments on the removal of the monuments in New Orleans. Corey Stewart, who’s actually from Minnesota, tweeted “It appears ISIS has won. They are tearing down historical monuments in New Orleans now too. It must end. Despicable!” If Mr. Stewart, and other Rebel flag waving freaks, lived in Germany, would they insist on monuments to Nazis and Hitler?

The Civil War is a complicated issue. Those who defend the flag and monuments argue that the war wasn’t fought over slavery. They’re half right. The North did not fight to end slavery. The South’s only reason was to fight for slavery. It was explicitly stated in many of the states’ Declarations of Secession.

If you want to continue to be an advocate for racism, that’s fine by me. Just don’t glorify it on government or public land. Put that sticker on your bumper. There is a place for Robert E. Lee, Jefferson Davis, Stonewall Jackson, and P.G.T. Beauregard. That place is a museum.

A museum is where we should also put Jefferson Beauregard Sessions.

Creative note: I’ve been itching to draw elfish Jeff Sessions sitting on a stack of books. After my last cartoon of him, where I placed him in a high chair, I’ve been afraid someone would steal it from me and use the stack-of-books idea before I could. I was the first cartoonist in the nation to give Trump an extra long tie and I was the first to put scotch tape on it. Yes, I’m standing by those two claims. So just remember I’m the first to have Sessions sitting on stuff. Next, he’ll be sitting on Trump’s lap….or Putin’s.

Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. Your support contributes to my work and continued existence. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Want a signed copy of this cartoon? Donate at least $50 and I’ll ship it to you. Make sure to mention in the note with your donation which cartoon you want along with the mailing address you need it shipped to. If it’s a gift, make sure to mention the recipient’s name so I can make it out to them.

Scenes From A Russian Restaurant


cjones04162017

I suppose you can argue that one person with a connection to Russian spies is not indicative of the practices of a campaign. OK, two is a coincidence. Oh, look, there’s another coincidence…and another…and, oh c’mon!!!

What is it with Trump and Russia? He can’t criticize Putin at all. Even yesterday when he said our relations with Russia are at an “all-time low,” yet he couldn’t say anything negative about Putin. He’s bashing Bashar al-Assad all day long for using chemical weapons. He wonders if the Russians are complicit but yet…no harsh words for Putin.

Have you noticed that Trump changes his tune on people after he meets them? He’ll slander them for months. Wage a campaign against them. Then he meets them and talks about how awesome they are. From Obama to Xi Jinping, he hates them and then he loves them. He’s going to go full orgasmic after he meets Putin. Basically, the guy is an ass kisser. By the way, Trump met the NATO guy yesterday and now NATO is not “obsolete” anymore. Also, NATO will now start fighting terrorism, though they’ve been doing that since at least 2001…but Trump, you know. History didn’t begin until he was sworn in as president.

Steve Bannon loves Russia (which many in the Breitbart, alt-right spectrum view as the last bastion of full-fledged whiteness, and in their defense, White Russians are tasty). Bannon was against bombing Syria because it might upset the Russians.

Then you have the people who are actually hanging out with the Russians.

Former Trump campaign manager Paul Manafort lobbied for Russian puppets in the Ukraine. Documents showed payments to Manafort from dirty Ukranians to exceed $12 million in cash which he claims he never received, yet evidence turned up of him moving more than $2 million to Washington lobbying firms. Manafort has NOW registered as a foreign lobbyist despite lobbying for Ukraine, Pakistan, Nigeria, Kenya, Equatorial Guinea, Dominican Republic, a Lebanese arms-dealer, and Ferdinand Marcos. Fortunately for him, no Somali pirates have turned up on the list yet.

Today Manafort is under investigation by the CIA, FBI, NSA, Director of National Intelligence, and the financial crimes unit of the Treasury Department. I’m pretty sure he’s wanted for questioning by the Girl Scouts for putting his Tagalongs money into a Cyprus bank, and still owes Blockbuster for rewinding fees.

Of course the Trump campaign says Manafort wasn’t that involved with the campaign despite him being the campaign manager for five months. Paul who?

Jared Kushner, Trump’s son-in-law, senior adviser, and currently leading the White House Office of American Innovation (a branch of the Department of Making America Great Again and NOT an offshoot of the Department of Humping The Boss’ Daughter as many have speculated), has also hung out with Russians. He conveniently forgot about Russian schmoozing when he filled out forms for the nation’s top security clearance (that lets him in on all the juicy secrets like Roswell, JFK, Colonel’s secret recipe, etc.). Jared met with the Russian ambassador, Sergey Kislyak, which is forgetful as everyone else seems to forget they met him, and the head of a Russian state-owned bank. Oops! I don’t forget going to an ATM so I’m pretty sure I’d recall a Russian bank.

We can’t forget Michael Flynn, the shortest-tenured national security adviser in our nation’s history. He’s another guy who forgot he met with the Russian ambassador, Sergey Kislyak. That Kislyak guy must be the most boring person on the planet. Like Manafort, Flynn has NOW registered as a foreign agent, despite working for Turkey before he joined the Trump campaign.

Jeff Sessions is now our attorney general. He met with the Russian ambassador, and guess what! He forgot all about it too. It’s Kislyak! It slipped his mind to the point that he failed to mention it during his confirmation hearings in the United States Senate. He actually volunteered that he never met with any Russians during the campaign (Do you like pizza? Yes, I do and I never met with any Russians). Yet, there he was hanging out with Russians. More specifically, that boring ambassador. What’s his name again? Oh yeah. Kislyak!!

This brings us to Carter Page. Trump dropped his name as an adviser and later said “Carter who?” Carter was targeted by Russian spies who are on tape as referring to him as an “idiot,” and then he volunteered to the press that he was that idiot. He forgot he met the Russian ambassador (KISLYAK!!!), and he’s now under investigation by the FBI, CIA, NSA, ODNI, and FinCEN. Basically every agency currently after Manafort. Investigate two Trumpsters and the third one is free. Now it’s been revealed that the FBI successfully obtained a FISA court warrant to monitor Page and his contacts with the Russians. A FISA is really hard to get and this one was renewed at least once. That’s not good for Carter.

Carter was interviewed by Chris Hayes of MSNBC and said that he can’t verify that he met with the Russian ambassador, but if he did it was in Cleveland and it was the only Russian person he hung out with in Cleveland…if it happened. Oh that guy’s going to do so well when he testifies in front of the senate.

The Russians were right about one thing. Carter Page is an idiot.

And in case you’re reading this and you work for the Trump campaign: The names Kislyak! KISLYAK!!! KISLYAK!!! KISLYAK!!! KISLYAK!!! What’s with you, fuckers?

Creative notes: Why are so many Trump people creepy looking? These guys don’t look like presidential advisers. They look like strangers offering kids free candy from a van with tinted-windows or maybe, shit weasels working at a “Holocaust Center”.

My buddy and fellow cartoonist, Sergey Kislyak…I mean, Ed (sorry, it’s stuck in my head now), told me yesterday that I shouldn’t have used any labels in my “lounge lizard” cartoon. He might be right, but I felt I should risk it here.

I really hate labels and I’m using them less and less. The one flaw of editorial cartoons are the labels. Some cartoonists are really lazy, sloppy, and excessive with them but it’s a minus for the entire genre. I debated not using any today but I’m not sure any of these guys have household faces yet.

Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. Your support contributes to my work and continued existence. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Want a signed copy of this cartoon? Donate at least $50 and I’ll ship it to you. Make sure to mention in the note with your donation which cartoon you want along with the mailing address you need it shipped to. If it’s a gift, make sure to mention the recipient’s name so I can make it out to them.