FBI

Outrageous Distractions


cjones03232017

Before FBI director James Comey’s hearing before Congress, Donald Trump decided to start tweeting about his Russia connections.

He tweeted from his personal account, @RealDonaldTrump, that the Russia story was “fake” news. James Clapper and others stated that there is no evidence POTUS colluded with Russia. It’s a fake story the Democrats are pushing as an excuse for running a terrible campaign. The real story are the leaks.

During Comey’s testimony Trump switched over to the official POTUS account to give a live play-by-play coverage of the hearings. He tweeted that Comey said there’s no evidence of collusion between Russia and Trump Campaign and that Russia did not influence the electoral process.

Of course none of his tweets were accurate at all. What? Donald Trump would tell a lie?

Comey stated that there’s no evidence that President Obama had Trump Tower wiretapped. He also stated that the FBI is indeed investigating for cooperation between Russia and the Trump campaign. Comey could not state whether or not Russia influenced the election.

As it turns out, the FBI has been investigating the Trump campaign since July. For some reason weeks before the election they felt the need to only reveal they were investigating Hillary Clinton. They didn’t say anything about investigating Trump.

How did Trump deal with all this? He did what any normal person would do which was to hop on a plane to Kentucky and bitch about Colin Kaepernick.

You remember the brouhaha over Kaepernick, the quarterback for the San Francisco 49ers? He wouldn’t stand for the pledge of allegiance in protest of the United States continuing to be a system of racism. Trump stated that he likes people who stand for the Pledge.

Seeing that he likes people who stand for the Pledge but he doesn’t like American veterans who were captured, how would he feel toward a POW who stands for the Pledge?

And why the hell is Trump starting his reelection campaign within the first two months of his presidency? Should other candidates start announcing? Did Putin tell him to do this?

It’s funny that Donald Trump screamed loud and proud that he loves Wikileaks during the campaign (the first campaign). The GOP loved James Comey when he revealed he was investigating Clinton. Now the GOP wants to investigate leaks and they’re pretty upset with Comey.

Trump has had the worst start to his presidency than any other before him, except maybe Lincoln and that’s just because half the country seceded before he took office (his tenure didn’t end so hot either). Trump is no Lincoln. While Lincoln managed a war and freed the slaves, Trump’s only talent is distractions and deflections. I’m very interested in what his next one will be.

“Outrageous Distractions” should be a name for a punk rock band. It shouldn’t be the official policy for a sitting president.

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The Perpetrator


cjones01142017

If don’t believe misinformation, lies, and fake news contributed to Hillary Clinton losing the presidential election, go talk to a Trump voter. The fact the public viewed Trump as more honest than Hillary Clinton is proof the disinformation campaign was effective.

I don’t believe there was one contributing factor that handed the presidency of the United States of America to a narcissistic, racist, immature, charity-robbing, scam-university miser, illiterate, vagina-groping, politician-bribing, Putin-loving, fascist reality show host with a bad comb-over and an oddly-orange spray tan. Political analysts and historians (with future historians believing the electorate consisted of a lot of crack heads) will forever debate the 2016 election, but it was thrown by the combination of Russian hacking, Wikileaks, fake news, paid trolls, and finally James Comey, the director of the FBI.

During the election Comey issued a statement on Hillary Clinton saying she wouldn’t be charged for using a private server for her State department emails, but that she was a horrible, sneaky, manipulative person, which is a bad thing if you are a female. Days before the election he issued a letter saying the bureau was taking another look because there were emails from her on the family computer used by Anthony Weiner and Clinton aide Huma Abedin. A few days later after the damage was done he returned to tell us “never mind. False alarm.”

Last week during a Congressional hearing Comey while asked whether the agency was investigating links between the Trump campaign and Russia Comey said “we don’t comment on pending investigations.” He should have said “we don’t comment on investigations involving Republicans.”

Trump went on to win the election because storing emails on a private server is a much worse offense than infidelity, multiple bankruptcies, selling tacky ties made in China, stealing from a charity to buy portraits of yourself, watching teenage girls disrobe, assaulting women, not paying taxes for over two decades, jilting private contractors, bribing politicians, insulting veterans and Gold Star families, conspiring with Russians, or publicly lusting after your daughter. But grrrrrr, that server. I’m so angry about that server yet nobody can actually tell you anything about it. Oh and Benghazi. You don’t have to know anything about Benghazi. You just have to say “Benghazi.” It’s like saying “Beetlejuice” three times.” Just say “Benghazi Benghazi Benghazi” and tinfoil stock goes up three points.

Now the Justice department is investigating the FBI’s actions in the Clinton investigation.

No matter how professional Comey explains himself while wearing a poker face many have the impression that he tampered with the election. That’s totally understandable because he tampered with the election. Comey came to your house party and he peed in your punch bowl. Thing is, most of your guest saw him do it and they still drank the punch. It was tangy.

James Comey dived into the election and did everything he could to destroy Hillary Clinton’s pursuit of the presidency. If you can believe the Benghazi lies, or any Republican lies (invading Texas, birtherism, pizza parlor child-sex-slaves, etc), you can believe Comey and Putin manipulated the election. It wasn’t the Chinese or New Jersey fat guys.

The State department’s probe into Comey is a start, but the acting Attorney General, Loretta Lynch, needs to appoint a Special Counsel to investigate him while also looking into the relationship of Trump and Russia. This needs to be done before Trump’s elfish, racist maniac Jeff Sessions takes over at the Justice department.

As you can see from this cartoon, Comey’s not any better at caricatures than I am.

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Thanking Red States


cjones12192016

In his continuing campaign to bring the nation together Donald Trump’s “victory tour” is only visiting states that voted for him. Screw those Hillary-lovin’ blue states. Of course during this tour he’s failed to thank the red state that supported him most, Russia.

A lot of Trump supporters ask why would Vladimir Putin want a Trump presidency in the first place? Perhaps he prefers the short-fingered vulgarian because while Putin stomps all over Aleppo, Trump is too busy meeting with Kanye and tweeting out insults at Vanity Fair for publishing a bad review of the Trump Grill.

I’m sure the Russian connection is just a figment of liberals’ imagination. Trump should ignore it and focus on the Vanity Fair review of his crappy restaurant. After all, They only gave one star to the Borscht.

Donald Trump’s claim that Russia is not behind the hacking of the Democratic National Committee’s and John Podesta’s emails falls a little flat. The man publicly asked Russia to hack into the Clinton campaign. Sure enough, they hacked into the Clinton campaign. They then released the contents through Wikileaks and Trump then used those same contents on the campaign trail. Even Trump supporters should be able to put those pieces together.

Trump spent years beating the drum of birtherism. He claimed he sent investigators to Hawaii to prove President Obama was born in Kenya. He made talk show appearances to be the loud shouting voice of birtherism. He claimed the president’s birth certificate was a fake. He never had one shred of evidence, clue, or anything meaningful to believe in birtherism, but he espoused it anyway. Today the CIA and the FBI are telling him that Russia hacked our election and he refuses to believe it. The man trusts Infowars and Breitbart but our intelligence agencies are probably just repeating conspiracy theories. Trump tells us he has the best brain. He needs to send investigators to find that unless its existence is a hoax also.

We are living in scary times when our president is more willing to believe conspiracy theories than facts presented by the CIA. It’s scary that so many Republicans give Putin a higher approval rating than our president. It’s frightening and galling that they continue to refute the truth of the Russia hack and continue to claim they’re patriots.

Fascists need cheerleaders too.

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Mall Rats


cjones11082016

First person to leave a comment about a little girl getting a big wiener is banned for life.

I had two ideas on Jim Comey. One was on his hit on Clinton’s campaign but then I thought that aspect wouldn’t be important after Tuesday. His negligence and fumbling will remain an issue so I went in that direction. I don’t think it matters who becomes president. Jim Comey’s career at the FBI doesn’t have a bright future. He’s managed to anger both presidential campaigns.

I had to do a lot of Googling for images while drawing this cartoon. I haven’t been inside a mall in years. I think the last time I went was when my album came out and I couldn’t talk my drummer out of buying ridiculous $200 Ray-Bans. He did get a lot of compliments that day for his Mohawk.

I have never liked mall food court food. Fast food is normally bad but food court fast food is the suck. Panda Express is an insult to China, Sbarro is an offense to Italy, and Orange Julius is an insult to Donald Trump.

Reminder: I am live blogging the election tomorrow night. If you follow me on social media you know I’m prone to making a lot of snarky posts. Tomorrow expect me to spend the entire night drawing those. We’ll start around 7:00-ish  and go until whenever. Just refresh the page all night.

You know you want to want to do it. Between me and Wolf Blitzer who would you rather spend the night with?

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Leaking To Rudy


cjones11062016

Sinister forces are attempting to manipulate this election in favor of Donald Trump and not enough people care. What’s worse is that too many people are falling for it.

While many people can’t vote for Hillary Clinton because they believe she exposed U.S. intelligence to our nation’s enemies, they’re perfectly fine with Russia supporting the Trump campaign.

While Trump and his cronies complain about a rigged system and election process, Republicans are still trying to prevent minorities from voting by limiting polling places, purging voter rolls, closing DMV’s in poorer communities where they can register to vote, and even posting fake ads on social media aimed at Democrats telling them they can vote by phone. They forget the poorly educated are Trump’s demographic.

On Thursday Eddie Munster’s lost twin Bret Baier reported on Fox News that an indictment was about to land on Clinton. By the time he apologized for his faulty reporting the Trump campaign was already off and running with the erroneous report.

Right when you think you’re still sane and the FBI aren’t going to become involved, the FBI becomes involved. Maybe they don’t want the remnants of the KGB having all the fun.

When FBI director Jim Comey sent a letter to Congress that they were looking into Clinton’s emails again because of content on Anthony Weiner’s computer many people accused the agency of trying to foil the Clinton campaign. Now it appears more complicated.

Sources are saying Comey was trying to beat a leak from within his own agency. Even though they don’t have any new information on Clinton’s emails the director felt he needed to save face. Apparently some within the FBI really don’t like Clinton and leaked the information to the Trump campaign. Comey knew it was coming. Who did they leak it to in the campaign? Mr. 9/11 himself Rudy Giuliani.

Two days before Comey sent his little tainted letter to Congress Giuliani went on Fox News, proving he can expose himself to sunlight, and with great creepy glee said the Trump campaign had “a surprise or two that you’re going to hear about in the next few days.” It took all of Rudy’s willpower not to cap the sentence off with a “bwahaha.”

Early Friday Rudy was on Fox And Friends and bragged that he knew the information was coming and said “Did I hear about it? Darn right I heard about it.” Later in the day he went on CNN, where it’s not as much of a Trump pep rally, and told Wolf Blitzer that the information was a complete surprise. Rudy hasn’t done that much twisting since that time he tried to explain to his wife why his mistress moved into Gracie Mansion.

If Clinton gave explanations like that, then retracted, there would be indictments. There’s a lot of talk about future Congressional investigations designed to harass Clinton after she’s elected president, and there will be. The investigations we really need are to look into the FBI’s attempt to meddle with an election.

And while they’re at it they need to look into Trump’s campaign coordinating with Russia.

Republicans love to chant “lock her up.” I’m really hoping for some great irony in the near future.

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This Cartoon Is Badinov


cjones11032016

The only thing surprising about a weiner disrupting Hillary Clinton’s campaign in the final week is that it doesn’t belong to Bill.

The FBI is NOT supposed to involve themselves in elections. That’s the CIA’s job to do in other nations. The bureau swears they’re not despite director, and Republican, Jim Comey issuing a letter within 11 days of the election stating they’re looking into newly discovered emails related to its investigation of Hillary Clinton. They didn’t have a warrant to actually look at the emails. They don’t know what’s in them. They weren’t sent from Clinton or on any device owned by her. But hey, everybody. We want you to know there could possibly, maybe, I don’t know, perhaps, possibly be something there. Maybe it’s details of her selling weapons to Iran like Reagan did. Maybe it’s just coupons for pantsuits.

They don’t want to become involved in this election or give any impression they’re trying to tilt it in one direction or another, so they’re not going to tell us anymore about the emails before election day. Nope. Don’t want to be involved.

So I’m sure it wasn’t any meddling when the FBI leaked information that they don’t see any cooperation between Donald Trump and Russia in this election. None at all despite Donald Trump publicly asking the Russians to leak Clinton’s emails, or that his former campaign director collected millions of dollars from Putin puppets in Ukraine, or the fact that Russia is hacking into the Clinton campaign and the Democratic Party’s computers. I’m sure the Russians just want to mess up our entire electoral process because look at all the emails they’ve released from the Trump campaign…no wait. They’re not doing that. I would not be surprised after this election that a bombshell comes out about Trump and Russia’s involvement. I just hope for Vladimir’s sake they got paid up front because right now there’s some pissed-off stiffed pollsters out there.

Again, they don’t want to be involved in this election but hey, look at these documents concerning Bill Clinton’s pardon of financier Marc Rich who fled the country after he was charged with tax evasion. Look at it now as there’s only a week left in this election.

The FBi released the documents Monday but just in case nobody noticed, they tweeted out a statement from one of their Twitter accounts they haven’t used in over a year. In a statement, the FBI said that any material requested three or more times under the Freedom of Information Act is automatically made available to the public online on a “first in, first out basis.” I’m not sure if there’s any legal requirements to announce it on Twitter.

You need three requests to the FBI? OK, I have three. How about shut up, and shut up, and oh yeah…shut the hell up.

Since the FBI is so busy will they reveal anything concerning Donald Trump’s housing segregation from the 1970s? How about something on Trump’s fraud lawsuit over his fake university which is going to trial after the election? Or better yet, how about some juicy tidbits from his upcoming trial where he’s accused of raping a 13-year-old girl? How about any information from the over 70 lawsuits Cheeto Oompa Loompa is facing? No? Can I make a request?

The IRS won’t even release anything on Trump’s taxes or even confirm he’s being audited like he claims. Does he pay taxes? Was it legal? Does he have financial ties to Russia? Does he give anything to charity? I’m a hell of a lot more concerned about who Trump is indebted to than I am with how many of Hillary’s emails had a “C” on them.

Trump keeps screaming that Hillary is crooked and these emails definitely prove she should be in prison, even though he has no idea what’s in them. Meanwhile we’re supposed to take his word that he’s a charitable guy (he’s not) or that there’s nothing fishy in his tax returns.  Since he can make statements about what’s in a document he hasn’t seen then can I state that Trump’s tax returns definitely contain details of his running a brothel out of Trump Tower for teenage hookers? How about they contain write-offs for bulk purchases of Viagra, ass cream, and teeny tiny condoms?

If you’re more concerned that Hillary Clinton sent emails than any of the vast array of Trump’s scandals then I only have one question for you:

Whatsamatta U?

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Hillary’s Weiner


cjones11012016

I wasn’t going to draw a cartoon tonight. I’m three days ahead with my cartoons to my clients. If you only view my cartoons at GoComics, who runs everything I do because I upload it myself, you’re a few days behind (you should subscribe to GoComics at only $2.00 a month, subscribe to me, and I’ll get a portion of that. Support your favorite cartoonist…and then support me too). I was gonna take the night off. I was going to eat some pork chops and watch my Cubs win game 3 of the World Series. Only one part of my plan happened. The Cubs did not win, I did not take the night off, and I did eat some pork chops.

My plans to be leisurely failed because the FBI decided to announce they were reopening the email case against Hillary Clinton. It’s a good thing I don’t go anywhere without my drawing stuff.

I’m mad. I’m angry about this. Not because of the unfairness toward Hillary Clinton and the Democratic Party. I’m angry because this is political. Eleven days before an election and you want to pop up with this crap?

Let’s take a look at what we know. The FBI’s investigation into Hillary’s use of a private server is over her handling of classified information. This new stuff concerns Anthony Weiner, the mad sexter. Weiner is married to Clinton’s top aide, Huma Abedin. They are now estranged over Weiner’s last sexting scandal.

The FBI was investigating Weiner’s computer since he was accused of some nasty stuff with a 15-year-old. They found something on the computer which was also used by Huma.

What we know is that the emails were NOT on Clinton’s server. They were NOT sent by Clinton. They were NOT on Clinton’s computer. So how in the hell is this about Clinton’s handling of classified information? It’s not.

I’m going to make a bold statement and tell you that this isn’t going anywhere. Huma might be in trouble but I don’t see how this implicates Clinton with mishandling classified information.

I’m mad because we have Russians trying to tamper with our election. We don’t need the FBI to start twerking with the process.

Here’s another reason I don’t think there’s anything to this reopened investigation: Hillary Clinton wants to talk about it. She never wants to talk about her emails. She’s clamoring for the FBI to release everything they know. Hillary Clinton never wants that.

This is an October surprise and it’s a huge fail. Trump claims it’s as big as Watergate which means he didn’t even see the movie, less enough follow the investigation or study history. How can you say something is “bigger than Watergate” when you don’t know what’s in it? How can Republicans be so gleeful over the FBI director basically saying they need to see if the new emails are significant?

Trump is also angry that Hillary is critical of the FBI over this handling. Like Trump has only had nice things to say about the FBI before Friday.

I don’t expect most of my clients to run this cartoon, but that’s OK because I give them more than I promise. My internet-only publications will love it. I’m taking tomorrow off. You have enough cartoons from me. Let me sleep. I’m probably taking tomorrow off.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!