Editorial cartoons

Vive Le Loser


Cjones07292021

Fact: Mike Pence did nothing…NOTHING…to prevent the United States men’s basketball team from losing to France. Oh, sure. He might give you some weak excuse that there’s nothing in the United State’s Constitution that empowers a vice-president to prevent an Olympic basketball loss, but I think that’s just a poor excuse for being disloyal.

I went to my local post office yesterday. I’ve gotten to know the people who work there. The guy behind the counter asked me if I’ve been watching the Olympics and I told him I have. I’ve watched badminton, horses, diving, volleyball, skateboarding, and the night before, I was watching the USA men’s basketball team take on France. I watched the game while I was eating taquitos at a place down the street and I left during the second period. So, I didn’t finish the game. I asked the mail dude, “How bad did we beat France?”. He said, “France won.” I thought he was fucking with me.

If you had asked me before the game who would win, I would have told you the United States. In fact, I would have told you the USA men’s team would go undefeated and tear through the Olympic tournament. When you look at who we have on our team, that guy from the NBA and that other guy from the NBA…and then there’s that other guy from the NBA, it’s impossible for us to lose. Basketball was invented here and nobody produces players like we do, like that other guy from the NBA. No other nation has as rich of a basketball culture as we do. Based on that, I refuse to believe we lost that game to France.

Also, another reason to refuse to believe we lost to France is because it’s France. We have a basketball culture. They have a culture of cafés, snooty waiters, body odor, mistresses, Jerry Lewis, mimes, croissants, and horny cartoon skunks. They cannot beat us. We’re ‘Murica, baby.

So, based on my feelings and not the scoreboard, we won that game and it was stolen from us. There are a lot of facts to support my belief it was stolen from us. Feel free to make these go viral if you wish.

Fact one: Mike Pence didn’t stop it. He did absolutely nothing to help USA win this game.

Fact two: The scoreboard was plugged into an electrical socket. Do you know what else plugs into sockets? Internet routers. Do you know who else has the internet? Italians. Italy probably used their satellites to beam something (we’re still working on this) back down to Earth (which is flat in red states) into their routers to manipulate the scoreboard.

Fact three: Italy and France share a border which means those two nations are probably a lot closer to each other than either one is to America. Bastards! With your help, we can finally expose this.

Fact four: Nobody knows how many cheeses there are in France. Some say it’s 1,600. Other says it’s over 3,500. I’m not sure how this impacted the game but we have Sidney Powell on it right now.

Fact five: The score of the game, supposedly, is France-83 and USA (God’s country)-76. The year 1776 was the birth of our nation. The Treaty of Paris, officially ending the American Revolution, was signed in…wait for it…1783. By “rigging” the game to end at 83-76, France was mocking us.

Fact six: Spain, who also shares a border with France, was one of the signers of the Treaty of Paris. We beat them in a war, and Spain colonized everything south of our border and gave them the Spanish language, which they’re now attacking our English language with. We’ll get Rudy on this connection. I bet it’s in a laptop someplace.

Fact seven: We got Florida from Spain…and they refuse to take it back.

Fact eight: France invented mistresses and the ménage à trois which was done on purpose to tempt and destroy Donald Trump. But the joke’s on you, France, because Republicans are hypocrites and they don’t care if Donald Trump violates every single belief they’ve been promoting for the past seven decades. So, HA-HA!

Fact nine: France refused to help us invade the wrong country after 9/11. And they had the gall to even criticize it. Plus, they raised tariffs on French fries, French toast, and French bulldogs.

Fact ten: After World War II, France chased out all the Vichy French which makes France Antifa.

Fact eleven: France invented democracy which stole the election from Trump.

Fact twelve: This is all we need to prove the game was rigged against us. The athletes playing for France…I hope you’re sitting down for this…are not American citizens. I checked and I’m pretty sure France is an entirely different country. This is going to surprise you Trumpers, but it’s also on a different continent. Can they legally play basketball against the United States? Didn’t anyone check their IDs before the game. Those players probably prefer France over America too.

This is probably the biggest scandal since Watergate and is the crime of the century. What we need to do is have the score audited by Cyber Ninjas (not real Ninjas because they’re from Japan, which I’ve been told is also a completely different country from us where English is not the most common language. Heathens). I’m sure they can multitask and do it while recounting the Arizona ballots. They should probably be nearly finished auditing those ballots anyway since the election was nine months ago and they’ve been counting for three.

After Cyber Ninjas (not the ninjas from Asia, where covid was manufactured with Dr. Fauci at a Chinese Wendy’s) finishes their scoreboard audit, several months from now, and they deliver the results we want, the USA men’s basketball team will be reinstated as gold medal winners. And if we don’t get what we want, then we’ll storm the Olympics and stop the steal. Who cares if the Olympics is contaminated with covid. People who love ‘Murica and Lee Greenwood songs ain’t afraid of a little covid.

Anything we lose that we don’t want to lose shouldn’t be counted. That’s how democracy is supposed to work. And if we can’t win the game, then let’s change the rules. We can start by putting the baskets for black French players in hard-to-reach places where nobody wants to go, like Idaho. We can also demand every French player have an American ID. And, if they’re not American, then they can’t get an American ID. Also, nobody is allowed to give them water or Gatorade during timeouts. Finally, all scoring is to be tabulated only by English-speaking Americans who would never eat little thin pancakes (God hates tiny pancakes).

By the way, did you know Larry Bird is from a town in Indiana called FRENCH Lick? The conspiracy widens.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are ZERO copies of my book in stock, which usually go for $45.00 each, signed. Another order will be placed soon. You may pre-order if you want. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Bezos and Bozos


CNN07252021

Here’s your cartoon for this week’s CNN Opinion newsletter. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday. 

I really wish Jeff Bezos would have been greeted as he stepped out of his phallus-shaped rocket by a prankster in an ape costumer wearing a tie and a Blue Origin shirt.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are ZERO copies of my book in stock, which usually go for $45.00 each, signed. Another order will be placed soon. You may pre-order if you want. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Happy Dance


Cjones07282021

A lot of Republicans’ logic for believing Donald Trump won the election is because he had rallies with thousands of people and Joe Biden did not. They are using desires instead of facts to support their beliefs, but there is a great explanation as to why Joe Biden can win an election without holding massive campaign rallies.

The very simple reason why Joe Biden won the election is because the people who voted for him aren’t in a cult. Have you seen political rallies that were not Trump rallies? If so, compare the way they look to Trump rallies. The MAGAts come out emblazoned with Trump gear, professing their love for Donald Trump, as if he’s the Second Coming. Trust me on this, Trump supporters, it’s not a good look.

President Joe Biden won the election because more people in this country voted for him. Just because you can fill up an arena with 15,000 morons doesn’t mean you have the majority of the country. We outnumber you idiots. There’s just enough of you to embarrass us internationally.

I’ve seen Trumpers say, “I refuse to believe more people would vote for Biden instead of Trump.” But why is that so hard to believe? More people voted against him in 2016 too. Even George W. Bush won the popular vote at least once.

You can support a politician without flying multiple giant flags on the back of your monster truck. We don’t need to wear Biden hats or shirts on a daily basis. We don’t leave campaign signs in our yard year-round. This is the kind of shit MAGAts do. The MAGAts believe they are part of a movement and their wearing it is a display of this movement. It’s not a movement. It’s a cult. When we see you parading around in your Trump gear and flying MAGA flags off your vehicles, we are not impressed. You look pathetic.

The Republican Party is a cult. It’s a cult that’s against vaccine passports while requiring a loyalty oath to Trump. They say, “Nobody should be forced to take a vaccine.” I don’t think anyone should be forced to take a loyalty oath.

Every GOP candidate for 2022 is running, not on a conservative or Republican platform, but on a Trump platform. What’s in the Trump platform? Just Trump. You have to praise Trump to be a member of today’s GOP. I really hope the Democrats retain control of Congress next year because there will probably be more GOP representatives who are members of Qanon.

Congressional Republicans want House Minority Leader Kevin McCarthy to punish colleagues Liz Cheney and Adam Kinzinger for accepting positions on the January 6 Committee from House Majority Leader Nancy Pelosi. Pelosi vetoed two of McCarthy’s picks who were Trump loyalists. Cheney and Kinzinger also voted to impeach Donald Trump. And in case your memory needs refreshing, the GOP caucus has already punished Liz Cheney by removing her from a leadership position and giving it to a Trump cultist.

This movement started with the Freedom Caucus, who are a bunch of extreme right-wing hateful fucks. But now it’s spreading throughout the more mainstream body of House Republicans. But it’s not just the extreme portion of the party that’s living outside reality. It’s not just the extreme portion demanding subservience to Trump.

When you are demanding that Trump be reinstated…just given the presidency, then you’re loyalty is not to the United States or the Constitution. Congratulations. You’re in a cult.

Republicans are worried vaccines are a method for the government to control you. They’re afraid of “vaccine passports,” and Tucker Carlson has compared them to Jim Crow laws. Others have compared them to the Holocaust and the branding of Jews by Nazi Germany. And yet, their unquestioned loyalty to Donald Trump is comparable to the loyalty Nazis demanded for Hitler. They have been controlled by their cult to fear monger that vaccines will control you. Once again, conservatives fail with irony.

I took the vaccine, yet I don’t sense a loyalty to the government. I still question the government. I voted for Joe Biden and there are issues I question him on. I have a vaccine card but nobody has tried to control me with it except the New York Yankees. Amtrak didn’t ask to see a vaccination card. My hotel in New York didn’t ask to see one. No establishment between Virginia, Washington, or New York City has asked to see my vaccination card…except the New York Yankees.

Come to think of it, I do have a Yankees cap…and a shirt, even while I’m also a Cubs fan. Oh, crap. I’m being controlled and may be in a cult. Have I been brainwashed to believe you can’t get a better hot dog than the ones at Yankee Stadium? But, if asked, I couldn’t name one Yankees player. I suck at cults.

I don’t think we should force people to take vaccines…but I do believe we should force Republicans to dance. No, not the happy dance. Each time one of them says something that’s not true, they should be forced to do the Little-Wrong-Man Dance. That’s something we had in our family but looking back, it never worked with us either.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are SEVEN copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Roughs, Volume 99


Hello, my friends and dear readers. Each of these was drawn the week before last in Procreate on the iPad and there is a video for them. Enjoy the mayhem and sloppiness.

Rough1293

I love sharks and in celebration of Shark Week, which I always forget, I give you this.

Rough1292

I gave CNN the choice between the first ugly Trump shark and the second. And these truly are some ugly sharks. CNN chose the second and since I had a lot more room, I threw in more remoras. Now, I am afraid to go into the water because if any sharks saw these cartoons comparing them to Trump, yeah, I’m shark bait.

I did watch a bit of Shark Week, but I could only take so much. I love sharks and learning stuff, but I seemed to have caught it when they were mostly showing people being eaten by sharks. 

Rough1291

The only problem with Donald Trump denying he’d ever make a coup attempt is the fact he literally made a coup attempt. He is a tin-pot banana republic dictator wannabe. Telling people you’re going to be “reinstated,” which is not a thing in this country, is something a person says who doesn’t have any regard for the Constitution. It’s also something someone says if he’s a moron.

Rough1290

Donald Trump said General Mark Milley, who was worried Trump would attempt a coup, is the last person he’d ever commit a coup with. That defense is like O.J.’s book where he writes how he could have murdered his wife, “if” he was the real killer, or when Trump says he didn’t sexually assault someone because he doesn’t find her attractive.

Rough1289

I thought this cartoon would have worked out pretty well and would have been fun to draw.

Rough1288

This cartoon could have 1,000 panels. Yes, Donald. You look like all of the above.

Rough1287

Naturally, when choosing people to commit coups with, don’t pick the guy who doesn’t like Nazis.

Rough1286

Trump, like all Nazis, doesn’t like General Milley.

Rough1285

On a slow day, even when algorithms are fucking with me, I can get at least 50 Facebook shares of a cartoon. This one didn’t even get 20. I know it’s not a bad cartoon (the finished version). The thing that gets me is, there are not enough people who cared about this issue. That kinda messes with me.

Rough1284

I almost did this cartoon last week but other things got in before it. I’m writing this blog on Saturday, July 17, and plan to wait at least a few days before publishing. So, I may still draw this Ted Cruz cartoon. Update: It’s now July 25 and I still haven’t done this cartoon. I still may unless another cartoonist comes in, sees this, goes “Bwahahahahahaha,” and steals it. 

Which of these roughs are your faves? 

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are SEVEN copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Florida Hurdles


Cjones07272021

With all the talk about canceling the Olympics because of Covid, maybe we should cancel Florida?

Remember when Florida was the Republican success story? Florida’s stupid racist governor Ron DeSantis was loud and proud about disregarding CDC health guidelines and going after local governments for implementing social distancing and mask guidelines. Republicans loved to point him out in contrast to Andrew Cuomo and New York.

While New York had the highest numbers in the country at the state of the pandemic, its governor was the one official being straight with the American people at that time. We weren’t getting straight answers from Donald Trump telling us to use hydroxychloroquine and bleach…and we weren’t getting it from Ron DeSantis.

Florida leads the nation in new cases of coronavirus and its idiotic racist governor, Ron DeStupid, is promising there won’t be any lockdowns or mask mandates. He’s claiming his state will have a “normal” school year and there won’t be any requirements for students or teachers to wear face masks.

He said, “We’re not doing that in Florida. Ok? We need our kids to breathe. Is it really healthy for them to be muzzled and having their breathing obstructed all day long in school? I don’t think it is.” I don’t think DeSantis understands how face masks work.

Two things I don’t trust Republicans with are science and education. Who am I kidding? I don’t trust them with anything.

Face masks are not muzzles, like DeSantis wants for black voters, Black Lives Matter protesters, or anyone trying to teach critical race theory.

Also, DeSantis, you can breathe in a face mask. What you’re thinking of is being unable to breathe every time you shove your face up Donald Trump’s ass.

Dr. Frederick Southwick, an infectious disease expert in Gainesville said, “It’s past time for him (DeSantis) to quit his act that Florida won the pandemic.”

Dr. Bernard Ashby, a vascular cardiologist based in Miami and Florida State Lead for the Committee to Protect Health Care, said, “If DeSantis were as concerned about stopping Covid-19 spread as he was about coming up with these clever jabs at Dr. Fauci we might not be in this position.”

With the exception of Iowa and Nebraska, the top 25 states (and Washington, D.C.) in vaccination rates are states that voted for Joe Biden. Florida is currently at 26, yet it has the third-highest population in the nation.

I think I’d feel a lot safer in Tokyo than in Florida, but that’d also be in the case while we’re not in a pandemic. At the very least, you have a much lower chance of being a victim of a mass shooting in Japan than you do in DeSantis’ Florida.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are ZERO copies of my book in stock, which usually go for $45.00 each, signed. Another order will be placed soon. You may pre-order if you want. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Republican Confessions


Cjones07262021

Republicans will usually pick a lie, or rather a stream of bullshit, if you will…and stick to it for a few decades, like trickle-down theory. They don’t usually fold and collapse on a lie within a year and a half. But that’s exactly what they’re doing regarding vaccines.

Republican bullshit is inconsistent as well. Since President Biden came into office, they’ve been attacking vaccines as unsafe and the product of an overreaching tyrannical government gone wild while at the same time, demanding that everyone thank Donald Trump for giving us the vaccines. Trust me on this, Donald Trump didn’t give us the vaccines. Donald Trump is more the type who will give you something that will require you take a vaccine to kill it later.

But as I was saying, GOP bullshit is inconsistent. Right now at this very moment, a majority of Republicans believe there was massive election fraud in the 2020 election which switched ballots from Trump to Joe Biden, yet they don’t question the very same ballots for Republican victories in other offices. Maybe instead of checking Arizona ballots for traces of bamboo, they should be looking for White-Out.

But after months and months of being anti-vaxxers, Republicans are finally on board and are stressing that everyone should get the vaccine. They’re even pushing it on Fox News. Hell, even Sean Hannity is pushing it. That’s like Hannity admitting Earth isn’t flat. Wow!

Steve Scalise, the number two Republican moron in the House, did a photo-op this week of himself getting the vaccine. Scalise was eligible for the vaccine for the past six months, but hey…better late than stupid…or something like that. This is the same guy who nearly lost his life to gun violence who is still doing all he can to protect gun violence.

Why are Republicans, most of them, now promoting the vaccine after spending months of spreading misinformation? Because the delta variant is sweeping across the country, and with only 48 percent vaccinated, it may hit us hard. It may lead back to mask mandates. It may lead to another shutdown.

Or, it may lead to shutdowns only in places where the delta variant hits. Guess where it’s hitting. It’s hitting places where vaccination rates are low. Hmmmm…now where could those places be?

Over 86 percent of Democrats have received at least one shot. Only 52 percent of Republicans have taken at least one shot. In counties that voted for Joe Biden, 47 percent of the population have been vaccinated. In counties that went stupid, for Trump, only 35 percent have been vaxxed.

The numbers for infected are spiking again, and they’re spiking in places like Arkansas, Missouri, and…wait for it…Florida. They’re hitting Trump states.

Florida was the GOP success story. The state and its racist governor, Ron DeSantis, disregarded health guidelines recommended by the Centers for Disease Control. Large cities in the state followed guidelines, which kept infected numbers down, which the DeStupid took credit for while banning local governments from issuing mask mandates. Now his state is one of the hardest being hit and he’s pushing for vaccinations.

Republicans were faced with pissing off their base by promoting vaccines or watching their base die…literally. The Republican Party politicized the virus and campaigned for months to make it partisan and now…guess what. They succeeded and made it partisan. The virus is only killing Republicans. Good job, numbnuts.

But since Republicans are coming clean and finally admitting vaccines work, they should come clean on a bunch of other shit too, like tax cuts for the rich won’t increase deficits or that trickle-down works. How about financing two wars with tax cuts? Shouldn’t you guys admit the truth about this kind of stuff?

Oh yeah, how about climate change? The sun is being blocked out in Iceland from fires in western North America. You can literally see climate change. Admit it’s real and then, I don’t know…do something about it?

How about admitting you’re only changing voting laws because you can’t win elections anymore? Tell us the truth, assholes. You can admit that black lives matter…and maybe say it without the racist “all lives matter” bullshit. While we’re on the subject of race and civil rights, stop freaking out about critical race theory and trans athletes. Maybe admit your bathroom bills were homophobic hater bills.

Admit you never really cared about family values or evangelical stuff. Supporting Donald Trump just made you all a bunch of hypocrites. Stop attacking Dr. Fauci and making him public enemy number one.

Since it only took six months for Steve Scalise to get vaccinated, ask him about gun control. He’s had four years since he was shot so maybe now he can reconsider his stance on the issue.

Oh yeah…here’s a doozy: Trump lost.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are ZERO copies of my book in stock, which usually go for $45.00 each, signed. Another order will be placed soon. You may pre-order if you want. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Flinging With Kevin


Cjones07252021

Kevin McCarthy says he wants to find all the facts of the January 6 insurrection at the U.S. Capitol but he can’t trust a partisan committee of Democrats, so he’s going to create a partisan committee of Republicans.

The first time the Democrats tried to create a committee to investigate what happened on January 6, they consulted with Republicans before they held a vote. Kevin McCarthy demanded equal representation on the committee with full subpoena power. He got that. But since he never wanted an investigation in the first place, his party still voted against the committee. Do you know what they called a committee with an even number of Democrats and Republicans with both having full subpoena power? They called it “partisan.”

The vote passed the House for that commission, but Republicans in the Senate killed it, thanks to the filibuster bullshit Joe Manchin won’t get rid of. Since Democrats control the House, Nancy Pelosi decided to take matters into her own hands and create a House Commission…and she still invited Republicans. In fact, she even gave one of the Democratic seats to a Republican.

But this time, since Republicans rejected the committee that gave them everything they demanded, Pelosi decided this one would have eight Democratic appointments and five from Republicans. So while Kevin is screaming the committee is partisan, it’s really not. But, in order to avoid Republican bullshit as much as she can, she gave herself the power to veto any of Kevin McCarthy’s picks. That was a smart move on her part.

At first, Kevin said he wouldn’t appoint anyone to the committee and warned that if any Republicans joined, then he would strip them of all committee assignments. Then, he changed his mind and set out to select five goons, er, Republicans to sit on the fact-finding committee. Kevin appointed Rodney Davis, Kelly Armstrong, and Troy Nehls, with only Nehls of the three not voting to certify the election.

But, he also appointed Jim Banks and Donald Trump’s favorite poo-flinging monkey, Jim Jordan. McCarthy’s intention was to seat members who would deflect and distract during testimonies. Basically, fling poo.

Surprise! Nancy Pelosi rejected Banks and Jordan. McCarthy responded by pulling all five of his members from the committee and said, “Unless Speaker Pelosi reverses course and seats all five Republican nominees, Republicans will not be party to their sham process and will instead pursue our own investigation of the facts.”

First off, Kevin…what are you threatening with? What do you have?

Second, you don’t put fuckers like Banks and Jordan on a committee when you’re trying to find facts. Nancy was right to pull those two members.

Before his selection, Jim Banks said the committee to investigate what happened on January 6 at the U.S. Capitol shouldn’t have anything to do with investigating what happened on January 6 at the U.S. Capitol. Later, he said the committee should investigate what President Biden had to do with the attack and why he didn’t stop it. Joe Biden was NOT President when the attacked happened. That’s some serious gaslighting.

Jim Jordan, like Banks, voted against certifying the election. During a speech on January 6, Jim Jordan said he would never be convinced Joe Biden won the election because Trump had a lot of people at his rallies and Biden rarely left his house to campaign. So sure, let’s put the guy on the committee who would rather go with his gut than election results.

Jim Jordan also coordinated with Donald Trump in trying to stop certifying the election and with spreading the Big Lie that he won. Trump gave Jim Jordan a fucking medal for his gaslighting and lying about the election.

You cannot put people on a fact-finding committee who believe they are entitled to their own facts. You also shouldn’t put people on a committee who may be witnesses. Hell, you shouldn’t let a witness select members of the committee.

Jim Jordan should be subpoenaed to testify. He says he talks to Donald Trump weekly. Kevin McCarthy was on the phone with Trump during the insurrection, so he’s a witness too.

The one Republican on the committee, Liz Cheney, slapped Jim Jordan’s hand on January 6 during the insurrection and told him, “You fucking did this.”

Republicans cry that this commission is only out to get Donald Trump. That’s like whining the O.J. trial was only out to get O.J.

McCarthy whined, “This represents an egregious abuse of power and will irreparably damage this institution,” he said in his statement. “Denying the voices of members who have served in the military and law enforcement, as well as leaders of standing committees, has made it undeniable that this panel has lost all legitimacy and credibility and shows the Speaker is more interested in playing politics than seeking the truth.” But you don’t seek the truth with people like Jim Banks and Jim Jordan.

The attack on the Capitol was conducted by Trump supporters. This is a fact. They were white nationalists. That is another fact. They made a bee line from a Trump rally to the Capitol after Trump told them to. We have it on tape. They were not welcomed into the Capitol by the police with hugs and kisses as Donald Trump claims. They broke through police lines, beat cops with flag poles, pipes, batons and other weapons, while spraying them with bear spray. They climbed in through broken windows, stomped on police, shit and pissed in the hallways, and even bit one cop’s fingers off. Over 300 Proud Boys were involved, wearing bullet proof vests, military helmets, and coordinating through walkie-talkies. Some were carrying nooses while screaming to hang Mike Pence. Some had Confederate and Neo-Nazi flags. And of course, there were Trump and MAGA flags. And Republicans don’t want to get to the bottom of any of this.

McCarthy says the committee needs to find out why Pelosi failed in protecting the Capitol, yet during the insurrection, he was on a phone pleading with Donald Trump to send the National Guard…which Trump ignored for hours. He doesn’t want to investigate that?

The hearings start on July 27 and the first four witnesses are Capitol Police officers who were injured during the attack. Republicans don’t want to hear their testimony. Other witnesses should be Jim Jordan, Kevin McCarthy, Ivanka Trump and chief-of-staff Mark Meadows, who kept sending Ivanka to plead with her father to call the rioters off.

Others who witnessed Trump in the White House that day include Keith Kellogg, Eric Herschmann, Dan Scavino, Kayleigh McEnany, Rudy Giuliani, Donald Trump Jr, Eric Trump, and Kimberly Guilfoyle. They should all receive subpoenas to testify. So should Mike Pence, who Trump orderd to come to the White House so he could order him to overturn the election. John Eastman and Mo Brooks, who both spoke at the rally on January 6, should also be made to testify.

During the attack, McCarthy was on the phone with Trump. Trump told him the attackers were Antifa. After McCarthy assured him they were indeed Trump supporters, Trump said, “Well, Kevin, I guess these people are more upset about the election than you are.”

McCarthy knows the truth but he doesn’t want it revealed. He’s like a victim of spousal abuse telling the cops nothing happened and he just clumsily walked into the wall again. Oddly enough, his refusal to participate may be the best thing he can do for our country.

Now, without McCarthy’s poo-flinging monkeys on board, this committee can get to the bottom of the attack on the Capitol by Trump’s MAGA terrorists.

Thank you, Nancy Pelosi, for rejecting the poo-flinging monkeys.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are ZERO copies of my book in stock, which usually go for $45.00 each, signed. Another order will be placed soon. You may pre-order if you want. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Bezos’ Randy Rocket


Cjones07242021

Yesterday, Jeff Bezos inspired the world. If one phallic-looking human being can put a phallic-looking rocket into space for three minutes, imagine what non-phallic-looking humans can do. And if any aliens were on their way to our planet while that rocket was…entering…space, they probably turned around.

Sometimes I feel like I’m a day ahead of everyone else…or at least schmoes on social media. I posted a YouTube clip of the running gag in the Austin Powers movies about how Dr. Evil’s rocket looks like a penis. The only reactions it received were, “Huh?”. And then yesterday after Bezo’s rocket went off, social media lit up with, “Oh my god, that looks like a dick.” Maybe nobody was paying attention to what was about to happen until it happened. Personally, if a flying penis is about to take to the skies, I want to know about it ahead of time.

Two things I was very impressed by was the landing of the rocket right back to its launch pad and that the media could spend hours covering it without once mentioning it’s shaped like a giant scrotum. Most men needing to overcompensate buy sports cars, or really large trucks, or a shit-load of guns to strap to themselves so everyone can see their entire gun collection while shopping for dental at Walmart for their one tooth. Most men don’t overcompensate shoot themselves into space inside a rocket literally shaped like a dick.

My colleagues spent yesterday struggling to find a way to put a dick joke in a cartoon that could get past editors. I saw a few good ones that weren’t too dirty, but probably still won’t be published anywhere other than social media. That goes for this one. Editors probably won’t even read this cartoon and kill it just from the image of the phallic-shaped rocket…while running photos of the phallic-shaped rocket on their front page. The only thing more vulgar would be running photos of Rand Paul on the front page.

If Billionaire Bezos really wanted his rocket to look like a penis, it would have looked like Rand Paul. Why? Because Rand Paul is a dick, a wanker, a scrotum face, a wiener, a dork, a froto, a donger, a knob, a tool, a mushroom head, a Mr. Knish, a schlong dongadoodle, a mutton flap, a pecker head, a prick, a ramburglar, a rod, and a walking fuck stick. Rand Paul is a cock. Even Republicans think Rand Paul is a one-eyed-monster with a nutsack full of bullshit.

During a Senate hearing yesterday, Rand Paul once again went after Dr. Anthony Fauci. Rand Paul, a self-certified eye doctor who looks like he cuts his own hair with an angry aardvark clashed with Dr. Fauci, the nation’s top infectious diseases expert. Rand Paul was certified to be an eye doctor by a board he created and stocked with relatives. Jeff Bezos is more qualified to call himself an astronaut than Rand Paul is qualified to call himself a doctor.

Rand Paul has been a conspiracy theorist and covid denier since covid came about. He continues being a covid denier despite the fact he had covid. While waiting for results after taking a covid test, Rand Paul continued creeping through the halls of Congress knowing full well he could be infecting others with covid. As it turned out, he was positive for covid. I told you he’s a dick. Now, he claims he has lifetime immunity from covid and he’s qualified to say this because…he’s an eye doctor?

Rand Paul accused Dr. Fauci of lying about our nation, under his direction, funding a lab in Wuhan, China and it’s gain-of-function research. The man who risked infecting others has a lot of gall accusing anyone of spreading the virus. It’s shit like this that’s why people physically assault Rand Paul.

Gain-of-function is research that alters a disease, organism, or a virus, increasing it’s pathogenesis, making it more transmittable, and increasing its range. The intention is to be able to predict future diseases and to develop vaccines. What Rand Paul was doing was accusing Dr. Fauci of helping Wuhan create a deadly virus on purpose, then unleashing it unto the world. He accused Dr. Fauci of perjury and the murder of millions. Did I mention Rand Paul is a dick?

Even if the virus escaped from a lab, there’s no evidence, and probably never will be, that it was artificially created. But, it’s a juicy talking point for dickhead conspiracy theorists.

What evidence does Rand Paul have of this? None. Rand Paul has cited a study that as Dr. Fauci points out, is about a different type of virus not responsible for the coronavirus pandemic. What Rand Paul is doing would be like comparing Cheerio’s to Fruity Pebbles and claiming all cereal will turn your milk into a rainbow color. If Rand Paul ate Alpha-Bits cereal, it would probably spell out “cock.”

During yesterday’s hearing, Paul asked Dr. Fauci, that since it’s a crime to lie to Congress, if he’d like to retract his statement from a previous hearing where Fauci claimed our government didn’t fund gain-of-research conducted in a Wuhan lab. Dr. Fauci said, “Senator Paul, I have never lied before the Congress and I do not retract that statement.”

Paul kept interrupting Fauci. And when Rand Paul’s time expired and the chair allowed Dr. Fauci to answer Paul’s last question, Paul kept interrupting.

Dr. Fauci did not retract his statement that our government did not fund Wuhan research to create a deadly virus. He also put on the record, “Senator Paul, you do not know what you’re talking about, quite frankly. And I want to say that officially. You do not know what you are talking about.”

It’s official. Rand Paul does not know what he’s talking about.

Dr. Fauci summed it up with, “If anybody is lying here, senator, it is you.”

Rand Paul is lying. That’s what Republicans do. That’s what dicks do. Rand Paul is only grandstanding to the Republican base that’s politicized the virus and has made Dr. Fauci public enemy number one. It’s an added bonus to the racism of blaming Chinese people. Rand Paul is also grandstanding by threatening Dr. Fauci with a criminal referral. What’s criminal is that Rand Paul can call himself a doctor and a United States senator.

I’d like to make a referral and put on the record that Rand Paul is a dick.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are ZERO copies of my book in stock, which usually go for $45.00 each, signed. Another order will be placed soon. You may pre-order if you want. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

White Terrorist Privilege


Cjones07232021

Crystal Mason voted in the 2016 presidential election. Unfortunately for her, she was a convict on parole and ineligible to vote. She did not know she was ineligible to vote. Crystal’s vote, naturally, was rejected. Since her name was not on the voting rolls at the precinct where she voted, she was given a provisional ballot which is what a person is given if there are questions about their vote. If you vote with this method, your eligibility will be checked before your vote counts. In Texas where Mason cast her ballot, 40,000 other provisional ballots were rejected in that same election. In the same county where she voted, since 2014, seven out of eight provisional ballots have been rejected. Out of all these people who cast rejected votes, Crystal Mason was the only one to be charged with illegal voting. Oh, yeah. Crystal Mason is black. Now it makes total sense.

Crystal Mason wasn’t a violent offender the first time she went to prison. She was a tax preparer who inflated returns, not for herself, but for her clients. She served a year in prison for this crime. For voter fraud, she was sentenced to five years. Both of these sentences are longer than the one Paul Hodgkins got. Who dat? We’ll get to dat.

In 2016 in Texas, Terri Lynn Rote voted for Donald Trump…twice. Bruce Bartman voted on his dead mother’s ballot. Justice of the Peace, Russ Casey, forged signatures to get on a ballot. None of them received prison sentences. Guess what. They’re all white. Also, it was in Texas.

Tommy Chong was sentenced to nine months in federal prison, fined $20,000, and forfeited over $103,000 in property for selling bongs. And these were empty bongs. There was no marijuana in these bongs. Yet, nine months for Tommy. The prosecution even argued that a member of Cheech and Chong used his name and reputation to sell drug paraphernalia. Using your name to sell shit in America? The nerve.

What Tommy Chong should have done was sell fake educations from a fake university with his name on it. The last guy to do that is playing golf right now in Florida.

Patricia Spottedcrow was sentenced to 12 years for selling $31 worth of marijuana in Oklahoma in 2011. Even after she was released, the Native American/African American mom, was sent back to prison for unpaid court fees.

Also in 2011, 75-year-old disabled veteran Carroll Brooker was given life in prison for growing three dozen cannabis plants in Alabama. All put together with the unusable parts like stalks and vines, the total weight of the weed that sent Brooker to prison for life was 2.8 pounds. Alabama, Louisiana, Mississippi, and South Dakota have mandatory life sentences for growing weed.

I would argue that a greater crime than a person on probation voting illegally, smoking weed, or growing weed, would be trying to prevent people from voting. I believe all these Republican lawmakers should be given mandatory prison sentences for making it harder for minorities to exercise their constitutional rights.

You can argue that by voting illegally, someone is violating democracy and trying to install a president through illicit means, even though we’ve never had enough voter fraud to overturn a presidential election in any state…ever. What Paul Hodgkins did was try to install a fascist dictator through a white nationalist coup attempt. What Paul Hodgkins did is the very definition of terrorism. Yesterday, Hodgkins was the first white nationalist Trump terrorist to receive a sentence. He got eight months. Hell, he should have been given extra time just for being from Florida.

Hodgkins pleaded to a single count of obstructing an official proceeding, which was Congress certifying the election, which is a constitutionally-mandated procedure. On January 6, while carrying a Trump 2020 flag, this goon marched from the Trump hater rally to the Capitol building and barged his way onto the floor of the United States Senate.

Hodgkins told the judge, “Let me go. I’m white.” No, that was obvious. What he did say was he’s “truly remorseful and regretful.” He’s also super-duper sorry for hurting the country he loves and he had no idea there would be an insurrection attempt. He said, “This was a foolish decision on my part that I take full responsibility for. I do not nor will not make any excuse.” He then made the excuse that he got caught up in the passion and the next thing you know, he’s on the floor of the Unite States Senate holding a Trump flag.

He entered the Capitol with people attacking cops and screaming, “Hang Mike Pence.” Someone even brought a noose. It’s kinda like that Trump argument about “very fine people” marching with tiki-torch Nazis chanting, “Jews will not replace us.” Yeah, fine people don’t march with Nazis. Also, fine people don’t barge into capitol buildings with other people brandishing nooses while chanting to hang somebody and overturn an election.

The judge said, “I do not believe that Mr. Hodgkins, other than having made some very bad decisions that day … that he is a threat.” And then he let him go home, trusting he will turn himself into prison authorities eventually.

Sure, he’s not a threat. He only hangs around with people waving nooses and attacking cops.

This is our justice system. It’s not fair. The Justice Department recommended 18 months. Hodgkins should have received 18 months, at the very least. And now, he won’t even serve eight months. What would his sentence have been if he was waving a flag with Antifa’s logo on the Senate floor? What would his sentence be if was black and wearing a BLM hoodie? To be fair, if he was black and had been wearing a BLM hoodie on the floor of the Senate, he wouldn’t have received a sentence because he’d be dead.

This sentence is just like how the government responded to Trump terrorists compared to how they responded to black demonstrators. The military was called and tear-gassed a park and hid the president (sic) in a bunker when black people were outside the White House protesting. For a gathering of white terrorists, the military wasn’t called until AFTER they had stormed the Capitol. And even then, they took their time about it. I bet this same judge would have given more than eight months to an Antifa person for breaking into a Starbucks and stealing half a dozen vanilla bean scones.

And while I argue we should legalize marijuana, decriminalize it, and release everyone currently in prison serving marijuana-related sentences, Trump supporters will tell you their terrorists shouldn’t be punished at all and that they didn’t do anything wrong.

Their ridiculous arguments range from them being just tourists who remained behind roped-off sections to the Capitol being paid for by taxpayers so it’s OK to break in through busted windows and steal the Speaker’s podium.

Based upon the logic that it’s OK to break into government buildings and steal shit, then I should have been able to let myself into Donald Trump’s Oval Office with a brick, and rummage dthrough the Resolute Desk for big-ass Sharpies and Tic-Tacs. I should be able to break into the Smithsonian and take the Hope Diamond. Or better yet, I should be able to break down the fence of the National Zoo and steal a panda. They still eat bamboo, right? Just being hypothetical, where would one find a shit ton of bamboo?

If I did any of that, I’d probably get a lesser sentence than a black guy would for selling pot. Why? I’m white. I’ll just tell the judge I never intended to steal a panda, I just got caught up in the pandamonium. Or I’ll just say it followed me home. Animals like me. I could even argue that I’m not a panda thief but a panda protester.

Animals like me more than Trump supporters do. And quite frankly, animals are better people than Trump supporters. Because even the Trump supporters who are not terrorists are terrorist supporters. They support white nationalism. They support overturning elections. They support destroying democracy. They support conspiracy theories. They have tried to destroy this nation by politicizing a pandemic and with their anti-vaxxer bullshit. At the very least, the ones who do commit terrorist attacks in trying to overturn an election to install a fascist dictator should receive harsher prison sentences than people who smoke a little weed.

Terrorists should receive harsher sentences than pot smokers. Justice should be fair and not dependent on whether the defendant is black or white…or a white conservative Trump supporter.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are ZERO copies of my book in stock, which usually go for $45.00 each, signed. Another order will be placed soon. You may pre-order if you want. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Fat Shark Week


CNN07182021

Here’s your cartoon for this week’s CNN Opinion newsletter. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday. 

I got this cartoon in to CNN just in time because Shark Week is now over. However, Fat Orange Stupid Shark Week continues along with Sycophantic Cultists Remora Week.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are ZERO copies of my book in stock, which usually go for $45.00 each, signed. Another order will be placed soon. You may pre-order if you want. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw: