Drain The Swamp

MAGA Corruption


cjones08142018

Have you seen a Trump rally on TV, or even worse, been to one? If so, you’ve witnessed the Trump sycophants chant “lock her up,” despite there being several people from the Trump campaign, administration, and assorted goons connected to him who will be the ones locked up soon. They like to chant “build the wall,” while not realizing that their goofy asses will be the ones paying for that wall. Now, they like to yell “space force,” despite not knowing what it is and not thinking how they’re going to pay for it when they haven’t even started paying for that racist wall yet. But, one of my favorites is “drain the swamp.” Drain the what now?

The swamp, man. The swamp. It’s a metaphor for all the corrupt Democrats who are profiting from their government positions and squirreling around protecting each other.

Like Hillary Clinton. She sold all of our uranium to Russia who took it out of our nation to use it against us in nuclear weapons (because Trump told us uranium is nukes) and then she took all the money to buy pantsuits. Oh, wait. That’s not even remotely true. She didn’t approve the sale, didn’t get any of the money, and Russia can’t take the uranium out of the United States. Darn.

But, Hillary did take money out of her charity, the Clinton Foundation to purchase gifts for herself, pay fines incurred by her businesses, and pay off corrupt politicians. What? That was Trump and his charity, the Trump Foundation?

Didn’t Hillary at least host charity events at her golf resorts and make huge profits from it? Wrong? That was Trump too, and Hillary doesn’t even own any golf courses? Does she at least play golf?

Didn’t she charge her campaign and the Democratic National Committee rent and make buckos off that? Trump again with his campaign and the RNC? Well pooh.

At least there’s that one Democrat in Congress, who was a wrestling coach, knew about another coach showering and touching young boys, and he kept his mouth shut about it. That’s pretty swampy. My bad. That was Republican Jim Jordan, who wants to be the next Speaker of the House, by the way, and who I do not want to see in a wrestling singlet (ew).

What about that Democrat caught on a microphone saying his party is the only thing standing between investigations and the president and will try to impeach the Deputy Attorney General? Yikes. That was Republican Devin Nunes and that happened just this week. Nope. Don’t wanna see him in a wrestling Speedo either.

Obama played a lot of golf, right? Well, every time he played it was at one of his resorts where he charged the government for his staff to stay, and he even charged the Secret Service golf cart fees to follow him around while he cheated at golf. What? Trump again? Obama doesn’t own resorts either?

What about Malia Obama? While her dad was president, her made-in-China products were excluded from tariffs and her personal wealth increased $81 million during her dad’s first year in office. That was Ivanka? Are you sure? Malia was still in high school, and she doesn’t even have a product brand? Man…

Well, how about Sasha Obama’s husband? His wealth increased too and foreign policy was shaped to punish nations depending on whether they loaned his family money or not. Come again? Sasha doesn’t have a husband and wasn’t even old enough to get married? Don’t tell me that was Jared. It was Jared.

What about Obama’s head of the EPA, who was taking charter flights everywhere, building up personal security, purchasing a soundproof booth, getting sweetheart deals by renting from lobbyists, and…That was Scott Pruitt, Trump’s appointee?

This one is new. Congressman Chris Collins served on the House Energy and Commerce Committee, which has jurisdiction over the pharmaceutical industry in which Collins was deeply invested. He was seen on the phone, while on the White House lawn for a picnic, telling his son to sell stock where he served on the board of directors and was the largest stockholder. Collins learned that a test for a potentially revolutionary multiple-sclerosis drug had failed, and his son saved $768,000 by selling the stock before the public could. That guy is a Demo….crap.  Another Republican. He was also the first Republican in Congress to endorse Trump? Well, this is starting to look kinda bad.

Ya know, if I didn’t know better, I’d start to think all those dorks at the Trump rallies are stupid hypocrites.

Maybe we should drain a Trump rally.

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Drain The Sewer


cjones04072018

While everyone, including myself, has spent the majority of the Trump era focused on Russia, the real danger for the orange stain on the presidency may be corruption. Make no mistake about it, the Trump administration is corrupt.

Donald Trump refuses to release his taxes, and we can only speculate based on the trails of Russian money and the popularity of his condos with money launderers, where the bulk of his income comes from. He also refuses to relinquish his businesses. Jimmy Carter sold his peanut farm when he sought the presidency in order to avoid the appearance of conflict. Trump is taking money from foreign hotel guests who visit Washington.

The fact is Trump is making money off the presidency. Foreign dignitaries make sure to stay at the Trump Hotel in Washington to curry favor with the administration. Trump rents office space to the Secret Service at his properties, forcing the federal government to pay to protect him. Every time he goes to Mar-a-Lago or another of his resorts, he makes money off employees of the government and foreign dignitaries who rent rooms, purchase meals, rent golf carts, etc. He hosted the leaders of Japan and China at his Florida digs so he could use the ruse of diplomacy to make a buck off his guests. He even charges the Secret Service rental fees for the golf carts they require to follow his chunky ass around on the course. I’m starting to think it’s not really about the golf.

Ivanka’s fashion business has won a lucrative trademark in China, rare for a U.S. Company. Her husband Jared, the most powerful man in the country who can’t obtain a security clearance, is using the White House to negotiate business loans for his debt-heavy NYC properties. He’s attempted to obtain bribes from Qatar, and when that failed our nation initiated a blockade on the Persian Gulf nation.

The precedent for the rest of the administration is set at the top, and slime slimes downhill. Scott Pruitt, the administrator of the Environmental Protection Agency has caught heat for his expensive travel and purchasing a secure phone booth in his office that cost $43,000. Pruitt also has an around-the-clock security detail that consists of nearly 30 people, which should finally stop the long history of assassination attempts on EPA chiefs.

One of Pruitt’s excuses for traveling on military and luxury flights, like Emirates which has those snooty Jennifer Aniston commercials, is because when he flies coach other passengers tell him he sucks.

When Pruitt goes home to Tulsa, which is quite often, he charges the government for him staying in his own house. Seriously. Now, it’s come to light that he’s had a sweetheart deal from a lobbyist to rent a Washington, D.C. condo at $50 a night, but just for the nights he stays there. Pruitt’s daughter was allowed to stay for free in the condo less than a block from the Capitol. I’m going to ask my landlord if I can deduct from my rent the nights I’m not home.

The condo is owned by a lobbyist’s wife. This lobbyist has hosted fundraisers for Pruitt in the past and represents companies that need approval from the EPA to poison the environment. The EPA approved Canadian energy company Enbridge’s plan to expand a pipeline carrying oil to the United States from Canadian tar sands.

Washington is an expensive place to rent. The average rental in the city is $113.00 a night and condos in the same building as the one Pruitt rented go for $5,000 a month.

Pruitt gave an interview to Fox News on Wednesday night. He probably figured it was as safe as a $43,000 phone booth to plead his case to an audience of one to keep his job. As it turns out, Fox’s Ed Henry was actually tough on him.

Pruitt claimed he had just found out about raises totaling over $84,000 that went to two of his friends in his agency, despite the White House declining to authorize the raises. Pruitt said he found out about the raises Tuesday, and he put a stop to it. No answer on who gave the buddies, who followed him from his job as Oklahoma’s attorney general, those big pay bumps.

Pruitt also challenged the host to go on Craigslist to discover his rental price for the condo was in line with D.C. rental prices. Is there an alternate Craigslist out there, because the one I looked at doesn’t list any condos a block from the Capitol for $50 a night? Maybe there’s a special lobbyists Craigslist for corruption. If you stay at a place in Washington for $50 a night, you better enjoy stab wounds.

Trump has been defending Pruitt and even called him to reassure his job was safe. But, a phone call or a promise from Trump can be the kiss of death, especially if he’s made up his mind.

Trump does like the job Pruitt is doing rolling back Obama-era environmental regulations. Plus, you know Trump doesn’t care about corruption. Pruitt may not make it through today, but that would only be because of public pressure.

Scott Pruitt is corrupt. He’s a thief and he’s stealing from us. He has to go. His boss is also stealing from us and he should go too.

The slime runs downhill.

Here’s the video.

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Uncharted


cjones10032017

Many presidents leave office in personal debt. James Monroe, Thomas Jefferson, and Bill Clinton each left office poorer than when they entered. In Clinton’s case, it was due to massive legal bills partly due to being investigated by a Special Counsel. Trump will also have high legal fees due to an investigation, but he’ll probably leave office even richer than when he entered.

Trump is not going to pay his legal fees. He has a sketchy history of paying those in the past, and this time he has other people paying his lawyers. Who are these people? If you’re a Trump supporter and you’re contributing money to his campaign (as he’s campaigning for reelection), you are paying those legal fees. Another reason he won’t leave office in personal debt (he’ll leave the nation in debt) is because he’s making money off the presidency.

Health and Human Services Secretary Tom Price resigned last Friday over expensive, taxpayer-funded charter jets for official travel. Price ran up a million dollar tab using charter jets, often at times when other options were available. Price isn’t alone. Other members of the president’s cabinet have been running up fees by using expensive charter jets.

Scott Pruitt, head of the Environmental Protection Agency has used private aircraft (in addition to having us buy him a $25,000 sound-proof phone booth). Interior Secretary Ryan Zinke has spent over $12,000 on jet-setting.

David Shulkin, the administrator of the Department of Veterans Affairs, took a 10-day trip to Europe with his wife that the VA paid for. During his trip, he and his wife spent a day at the Wimbledon tennis tournament, enjoyed a Thames river cruise followed by an evening at Piccadilly Circus. I’m glad they’re having a good time. Aren’t you?

Treasury Secretary Steve Mnuchin took a flight with his Hollywood wife to see the gold at Fort Knox and to watch the eclipse in Kentucky. That’s the trip where his wife posted a photo bragging about all the expensive designer crap she was wearing, and then defended herself by telling us how much she the Mnuchie has sacrificed for us. Later, Mnuchin asked the government to pay for his and his wife’s honeymoon. That request was denied.

All this information didn’t come out because the Trump administration is transparent. It was revealed by reporters.

Trump said he wasn’t happy with Secretary Price’s travels and sticking us with the bill. But, he’s the one who has set the example.

Trump, who told us while campaigning that he wouldn’t have time to play golf, is now playing a hell of a lot of golf. The Center for American Progress estimates Trump’s trips to Mar-a-Lago and his New Jersey golf resort has cost us $32 million from the time he was inaugurated to August.

The Secret Service has requested an additional $60 million in funding to protect Trump and his protectees, which totals to 42 people, 18 of them being family members. Not only do they have to follow the Trump kids for all their business travels and vacations, they have to pay Trump to protect him. How can that be?

The Secret Service has to protect Trump’s many residences. Trump Tower wanted to charge the service $3 million a year to rent space. The agency moved into a trailer parked on the street. There are other ways to squeeze the service, as Trump is charging them rental fees for golf carts. From January to August, they spent over $60,000 renting golf carts from Donald Trump, so they could keep up with him while he golfed. On one trip to his New Jersey club, the agency spent $7,100 on port-a-potties, proving that you can not find a clean public restroom in Jersey.

In addition to billing the people who put their lives on the line to protect his orange ass, Trump gets to bill other departments when he stays at his resorts. You don’t think he’s giving those rooms away at his resorts, do you? If the White House staffers have to travel with him, they’re staying at his resort. If it’s a business trip then the government is paying for it.

He gets it from other governments too. Diplomats are staying at the Trump Hotel in D.C. to curry favor with Trump. Plus, he gets to rent them rooms when he takes them to Mar-a-Lago like he did with the Japanese and Chinese. Now we know why he wants to travel so much. He is sticking it to everyone he can.

Trump claims he’s a great deal maker, which is a lie. He talks about cutting expenses for the government. But, while cutting how much we spend on a fighter jet or a future Air Force One, I haven’t heard about him saving money for the government on his personal travels. What happens when President Trump negotiates with businessman Trump? Which one feels the screw? Neither. We get the screw.

If Trump was such a patriot he’d give the rooms and golf carts for free to those who work to protect him. I can also make suggestions for where they should take their craps.

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Decorum Required


cjones11162016

Do you know why people are protesting and are upset over the election of Donald Trump? It’s not just because a narcissistic man who’s notable for being ignorant is walking into the Oval Office. It’s because they’re goose stepping into the Oval Office. Another big juicy reason that a lot of Americans are still traumatized after discovering just how comfortable a little less than half of white America is with racism. Dave Chappelle had a point. But protest, they must. It’d be a lot nicer if a lot of them had also voted.

A lot of people were very silent in Germany during the early 1930s when they allowed a fascist to assume their highest office. We learned what happens from that. Silence will not be allowed now but again, you should have voted. I know a lot of you wanted Bernie but now you have Racist In Chief. Good job.

Trump and others say we should give him a chance and within the first week he appoints an alt-right white nationalist as his chief strategist. Chance is up. It got the heil out of here. David Duke is doing cartwheels which he should be given mad props for as that’s really difficult to execute while wearing a sheet.

A lot of people defend themselves as not being racist while they support racist messages. If you continue to listen to 90s pop band Ace Of Base after discovering they’re a bunch of Swedish Nazis you can be excused because “The Sign” is kinda catchy, though you might want to ask yourself “what kind of sign are they singing about with such lovely harmonies?”. If you make an alt-right, misogynist, anti-Semitic, white nationalist the second most powerful person in the White House, then you might be a racist. You might also want to take a closer look at yourself if you voted for this crap.

Steve Bannon took a leave from Breitbart to manage the Trump campaign. While running Breitbart the publication ran such headlines as “Birth Control Makes Women Unattractive and Crazy,” and “Bill Kriston: Republican Spoiler, Renegade Jew,” and “Lesbian Bridezillas Bully Bridal Shop Owner Over Religious Beliefs.” Even some conservatives formerly associated with Breitbart refer to it as a “hate site steeped in misogyny, homophobia, transphobia, white nationalism and anti-Semitism.” Even Glenn Beck finds Steve Bannon scary.

Bannon is quoted as saying “What we need to do is bitch-slap the Republican Party,” and “Fear is a good thing. Fear is going to lead you to take action.”

Fear is definitely the strategy the future White House chief strategist used in the campaign. He will surely continue to use that as his strategy from the Executive office. In case you didn’t see Star Wars you need to take note of Yoda’s warning: “Fear is the path to the dark side. Fear leads to anger. Anger leads to hate. Hate leads to suffering. You do remember what happened to the republic in Star Wars? Democracy fell, the Senate was disbanded, Samuel L. Jackson got his hand chopped off, soldiers became lousy shots, Liam Neeson’s “particular set of skills” were useless, a heavy mouth breather was in charge of the military, Obi Wan Kenobi aged 40 years in a span of 20, and Luke kissed his sister. Plus, it took the empire 20 years to build their wall, which was the Death Star which got blown up a week after it’s completion, and I bet Darth Sidious claimed he was great at building things too. I don’t want this to happen to America.

Quite frankly Yoda is the only sentient being from a swamp I’d like to see as a part of this administration.

Creative note: I took creative license with the armband in the cartoon. I was sure it was on the right arm for some reason. Probably because the arm is “right.” I planned the layout for the cartoon with that. While drawing the cartoon I had to Google some images of Nazi uniforms (always fun) and discovered it was on the left. Now Nazis have another reason to hate me.

Today’s blog included Nazis, Star Wars, and Ace Of Base references. If you weren’t aware of the Ace Of Base Nazi thing until now, sorry to bring that to your attention. You already lost Chachi. Kinda ruins everything doesn’t it? You still have Yoda.

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Drain The Swamp


cjones11142016

Donald Trump promised to “drain the swamp” and around 60 million Americans wanted the swamp drained so badly that they gave the presidency to a racist, xenophobic, sexually assaulting, doofus. Thanks, America.

So how does President-Elect Trump go about “draining the swamp?” He appoints the very creatures responsible for contaminating the swamp. He’s made Republican Party Chairman Reince Priebus his Chief of Staff. While it is a wise move to give that position to someone who knows Washington, he’s the very definition of insider.

Other names popping up for cabinet posts and important positions is Alabama Senator Jeff Sessions, who has been in Washington since 1996, John Bolton (not Michael Bolton, the homogenized R&B singer) who’s been in D.C. since 1974, Rudy Giuliani who can’t be called an outsider, and a literal Newt. Newt Gingrich will serve in some role and he’s been sludging up D.C. since 1979. This is not swamp draining.

There are a few outsiders who could end up with appointments that should scare the living life out of you. People such as Sarah Palin, former Arizona governor Jan Brewer, Kansas governor Sam Brownback who’s pretty much destroyed that state, Ben Carson, Joe Arpaio who was recently defeated as that racist sheriff in Arizona (he’s still racist), and David Clarke the very scary sheriff in Milwaukee.

In addition to all those terrible people he has his veep, Mike Pence, running his transition team and he’s relying on his children, Ivanka, Uday, and Qusay, to pitch in with whatever horrible suggestions they may have.

Another high profile appointment is Steve Bannon. While Trump rightfully asked his racist supporters to stop assaulting people, he went and appointed an anti-semitic racist as chief White House strategist. Bannon is the guy who changed Breitbart from a Right-Wing agenda driven fake news site to an anti-semitic, racist right-wing agenda driven fake news site.  If you ever want to check out the comments under the racist stories in Breitbart I suggest you do it before you shower. The site is a magnet for white supremacist. Just the kind of people wearing sheets and attacking minorities to celebrate Trump’s victory.

One of the most interesting things about Bannon is that he is very much in favor of draining the swamp. He’s been at war with Speaker of the House Paul Ryan and he’s basically a despicable human being nobody likes, except Donald Trump and white supremacist. They love that guy. In the future he’s going to devise “strategy” with people who he used to strategize to eliminate. Trump is replacing water moccasins and alligators with Swamp Thing.

Trump has always surrounded himself with gross people so it shouldn’t be any surprise his administration will be the ickiest ever. The only surprise so far is that we’re not hearing Ted Nugent or Gary Busey being considered for anything.

None of the people on Team Trump are the sort you’d even trust to watch your goldfish, less enough run the State Department. Have you ever overfed a goldfish? It’s not pretty. When my son was five he dumped an entire container of food into an aquarium. I’ll just describe it as “they do not stop eating.”

I don’t think these people will stop eating either. It’s going to be a very ridiculous four years.

Someone on Twitter asked me today how do I pick which idea to draw, since I must be having several a day since Trump was elected. I have been. I started one this morning on Hillary and Comey and I wasn’t feeling it, so I switched to the swamp idea. I might go back to the Hillary/Comey thing but there seems to be breaking news several times a day. Hopefully I can get a few non-Trump cartoons in at some point.

To answer that question: How do I pick the idea out of several? If you get several ideas a day not all of them will be good. I was talking to a fellow musician once who told me he wrote five songs a day. I thought “those have really gotta be some crappy songs.” And they were. Total crap. He’d play open mics and it was like an endless loop of Oasis’ “Wonderwall.” It didn’t help that the guy only knew three chords.

I try to pick the idea that sucks the least (and someone always thinks what I settled on sucks). I also try to pick the most important issue, the funniest idea, and sometimes the one that has the best chance at being published the most (which is really hard to predict).

And now I have “Wonderwall” stuck in my head. Crap.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!