Cows

Moo Deregulations


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In case you live in Florida, southern California, or Hawaii, there’s a major winter storm whipping across most of the nation. It’s even hitting the southern states where snow is less welcome than Yankee agitators and instant grits. And if you live in Texas, I’m so sorry.

Texas is unique in a lot of ways, but also in how they operate power. Their power grid is not connected to other states. It’s totally independent of other states. And with this winter storm hitting the state, over four million people went without power Monday and Tuesday. Whom does Texas blame? Wind turbines. Last summer when California had this same problem during a heat wave, Texas scoffed and blamed liberals.

Texas conservatives, climate change denialists, and people who are anti-clean energy (which is most of Texas) say the wind turbines froze so four million people went without power and people died. Really? Is that what happened, Slim?

Cartoonist Antonio Branco, a staunch pro-Trump Qanon cartoonist whose work is distributed by Creators Syndicate, published a cartoon this morning blaming wind turbines. In the cartoon, the fault for Texas’ power outage is blamed on windmills, climate change believers, President Joe Biden and Vice-President Kamala Harris. Now keep in mind, and I say this with all due respect, Branco is an idiot.

The thing is, if you’re a conservative cartoonist, you don’t need facts. You don’t even need to read the story…just read the headline of your daily talking points. It’s bad enough when a stupid cartoonist in a cult doesn’t rely on facts and science, but it’s even worse when a congressman does it.

Texas Representative Dan Crenshaw (guess which party he’s in) tweeted, “This is what happens when you force the grid to rely in part on wind as a power source. When weather conditions get bad as they did this week, intermittent renewable energy like wind isn’t there when you need it.”

With all due respect, Crenshaw is an idiot. Or if he’s not an idiot and he knows wind turbines aren’t too blame, then shouldn’t he at least be honest with his constituents? I understand since he’s a Texas Republican, that a lot of his campaign money comes from oil and PACS that anti having any sort of climate, but shouldn’t a member of the United States House of Representatives put aside his personal greedy interests and focus on his constituents first? I’m sorry. I forgot we were talking about Republicans.

And honestly, Mr. Crenshaw, Danny boy, Texas did NOT run out of wind this week.

Tucker Carlson said in his usual Tucker style, “So it was all working great until the day it got cold outside. The windmills failed like the silly fashion accessories they are, and people in Texas died.” With all due respect, Tucker Carlson is an idiot. Something tells me Branco watches Tucker.

The thing is, we’re talking about Texas. Do you really believe Texas’ energy is all run by wind turbines and solar panels? Wind turbines only account for 13 percent of the state’s energy production according to ERCOT, the Electric Reliability Council of Texas. And even then, while wind turbines do freeze, they are being used in places like Maine, Canada, Scandinavia, Siberia etc. If you get a wind turbine to keep working during winter in Greenland, you should be able to keep them churning in Texas.

You can NOT blame wind for the power outage in Texas. Also, while we’re on the subject: Stop with the turbines-bird-killing argument. First off, you’re a conservative. You’re not going to convince me that you suddenly care about birds now. Also, cats kill more birds each year than wind turbines do. Fact.

Back to the power outage in Texas, what really happened? It was cats. Sorry. No. It was the inability of Texas power grids, mostly using fossil fuels, being unable to keep up with demand.

It comes down to this: Texas deregulated energy grids and power companies. Texas deregulates everything. It’s why there are occasional fertilizer plant explosions that kill 15 people in Texas.

But with power, Texas counts on the weather not getting too cold, so they can sell a lot of power cheaply. When it does get cold, like really cold, it can be very hard to produce energy. Texas decided it was worth it to sell cheap energy with the tradeoff being that every ten years or so, everybody’s power goes out and grandma freezes to death.

There are no incentives for power companies in Texas to prepare for winter. It’s all cheap. Governor Greg Abbott was screaming this week for reform to the power grids, but Abbot’s been governor since 2015. He waited six years and for a cold snap before he calls for reforms? That’s how they do it in Texas. And when that cold snap hits, you can be fucked. When it gets back to the 60s next week, Texas will forget about this. The state legislature is planning to conduct committee hearings on the problem, but by the time they get started, the hearings will be held in an Austin broom closet.

Houston saw the wholesale prices of megawatt-hours go from $22 to over $9,000. Griddy, which sounds like a fast food flapjack restaurant, but is actually a company that sells power to retail customers without locking in prices in advance, told its customers to find another source before they got “socked with tremendous bills.”

Do you know what happens when your bill goes from $22 to $9,000? You don’t have power. Edward Hirs, an energy fellow at the University of Houston, said the disinvestment in electricity production reminds him of the last years of the Soviet Union, or of the oil sector today in Venezuela. “They hate it when I say that,” he said.

And Texans would rather blame wind turbines or Kamala Harris than even look at the actual problem. And honestly, I’m surprised they haven’t blamed it on Mexicans. And a lot of people in Texas keep talking about seceding and becoming their own nation while they can barely tie their own shoelaces.

Energy is part of our infrastructure, like roads and bridges. A lot of our plants are outdated. Even one nuclear plant in Texas lost power earlier this week because of the cold. Unfortunately, to fix things, it costs money. If you own a house or a car, you know this.

What Texas needs to do is deregulate their deregulation. They’re going to have to charge higher prices to reform their energy sector. Also, maybe rely more on alternative energy like, oh…I don’t know…maybe wind turbines? How about solar energy? Contrary to fucknut beliefs, solar works on rays from the sun, not heat. Solar does work when it’s cold. Somebody go tell Congressman Crenshaw.

But, hey. It’s OK if you don’t reform your power grids in Texas as long as you accept that occasionally, you’re gonna lose power and freeze unless you sleep with the cattle. And why not? You’re already full of bullshit.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have 10 copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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Moo Libel


cjones12272020

You would think any half-ass lawyer would know they can’t run around saying lies and unprovable things about people and corporations. That’s libelous. You can get sued for that. When it comes to Trump lawyers Sidney Powell and Rudy Giuliani, I’d rather have the cow lawyer. Plus, the cow farts probably aren’t as bad as Rudy’s.

As part of the Trump team’s conspiracy theory in their effort to stage a coup, Sidney Powell has charged that Dominion Voting System’s machines were created by the deceased Hugo Chavez, were sent here by communists in Venezuela to overturn the election, and have links to the Clinton Foundation and George Soros. The team has spread lies that the machines changed votes from Trump to Biden and in some cases, dumped votes for Trump, while somehow leaving the other Republicans on the same ballots untouched. Anybody believing this shit is a little touched.

The Trump campaign has made these claims, often supported by the president (sic) of the United States of America. Do you know what happens when Donald Trump spreads bullshit? His people believe it. There doesn’t have to be any proof or evidence.

Now, lawyers who specialize in defamation cases have sent letters to Trump’s attorneys Rudy Giuliani, Sidney Powell, Jenna Ellis, Lin Wood and White House counsel Pat Cipollone warning them of “imminent” legal action on behalf of Dominion Voting Systems. They’re demanding the campaign to retain all records of communications between Trump and any White House employee with Rudy Giuliani, Powell, Ellis, and Wood.

This is where it gets good. Others receiving warning letters include Sean Hannity, Lou Dobbs, Maria Bartiromo, Rush Limbaugh, Greg Kelly (a Newsmax anchor), Fox News, Newsmax, One America News Network (OANN) and Epoch Times.

Two ironic things about Epoch Times: It’s Chinese and the MAGAt belief system is currently trying to tie Joe Biden with China, and…it’s a newspaper. MAGAts don’t read newspapers.

The lawyers demanded they “cease and desist making defamatory claims against Dominion,” saying they had “featured and continue to feature the proponents of this misinformation campaign against” the company.

Another voting machine company, Smartmatic, has sent letters to Fox News, OAN, and Newsmax demanding they stop “publishing false and defamatory statements.”

Dominion CEO John Poulos said the company would be taking legal action against several people “promoting lies and amplifying those lies” on various media platforms since Election Day. When asked if the lawsuits will include Donald Trump, he said, “We will not be overlooking anybody.”

Nine nine days after Election Day, Trump tweeted a claim that “DOMINION DELETED 2.7 MILLION TRUMP VOTES NATIONWIDE.”

On Dominion’s website, they state, “Malicious and misleading false claims about Dominion have resulted in dangerous levels of threats and harassment against the company and its employees, as well as election officials.”

Last Tuesday in Denver, Dominion’s security director, Eric Coomer, filed a defamation lawsuit against the Trump campaign, Giuliani, Powell, Newsmax, OANN, OANN reporter Chanel Rion, blogger Michelle Malkin and others. Coomer’s suit says he has become the target of death threats because of the defendants’ false claims made about Dominion’s machines. Currently, Coomer is in hiding.

Remember how Republicans and MAGAts all chortled about the Kentucky kid suing media outlets after his fray with the tom-tom beating Native American in Washington? They championed that little MAGAt’s lawsuit. He even got a speaking slot at the Republican National Convention. They were all supportive of his lawsuits. How dare the media smear him with their reporting. Now, it’s coming back on them in a much bigger way.

Donald Trump has called for the laws allowing a free press to write “anything they want” to be eliminated so he and others can sue news outlets for reporting facts they don’t like. So isn’t it ironic that as soon as he leaves office, one of the multiple lawsuits he faces is for defamation? I love it.

I hope Dominion lawyers sue each and every person they sent letters to. I hope Coomer wins each of his lawsuits. These liars, destroying reputations, our nation, and championing a coup attempt, need to be taken downtown in legal terms. They need to pay for their bullshit. I predict a lot of settlements. I predict Donald Trump, who claims he never settles but always settles, settles.

I also wish that lawsuits and charges will be filed against Donald Trump, federally and on the state level, within five minutes of Joe Biden taking his oath of office at noon on January 20, 2021. Would that just be the best kick in the nuts ever?

That’s all I want for Christmas…that and Chinese food.

Notes on signed prints: Order now if you want to send a print of one my cartoons, signed by me, to a loved one…or even better yet, to a conservative family member who you probably don’t love anymore. They’ll never forget it. The signed prints are just $40.00 each. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal and want to snail mail it, email me (clayjonz@gmail.com) so we can make sure your print gets to its recipient in time. I can mail the prints directly to you or to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have an order of 20 copies of my book (14 are left to purchase) on the way, which I’ll be selling for $45.00 each, signed. Unfortunately, they’re not going to arrive until AFTER Christmas. Don’t yell at me. But you can purchase now, give later, and blame the cartoonist. Tell them I had covid. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

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Yippe Ki Yay


CNN12132020

Here’s your cartoon for this week’s CNN Opinion newsletter. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday.

I forgot about posting this again, so here goes.

States that are still oppressing votes of their black citizens shouldn’t start questioning how other states conduct elections. Texas needs to stay in their wheelhouse.

If Texas wants to tell us how to do Tex-Mex food, fine. If they want to teach us about underachieving football teams, they got that covered. If you need solid information on big hats, talk to Texas. If you want expert advice on how to destroy every environmental regulation, go to Texas. If they want to teach a course on electing the creepiest ugly fucker ever to the United States Senate, they’re experts on the subject.

But how to run an election? I don’t want Texas talking to me. I want to talk to Texas. I want to tell them to drink a tall glass of shut the hell up because when it comes to free and fair elections, Texas is all hat and no cattle. I’d rather get election advice from the cattle than from Texas. When it comes to running elections, Texas is full of bullshit.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. And since someone asked this morning, yes. You can still get a signed print for $40.

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Moo Protection


cjones05152020

To Donald Trump, we are nothing more than cattle. Even his supporters are just part of a herd seeking herd immunity.

Donald Trump doesn’t care about the safety and health of this nation’s citizens. He forced meatpacking plants to reopen despite the fact they’re hotspots for covid-19 and further safety measures haven’t been put into place. That’s because Donald Trump doesn’t use science or facts and he doesn’t care.

Testing at the meatpacking plants in this nation is uneven, inconsistent, or nonexistent. Sonny Perdue, Secretary of Agriculture, sent a letter to governors last week urging them to force these plants to remain open, but he didn’t mention anything about tests. There are no obligations from these plants to test. Some of the workers at these facilities have paid for their own coronavirus tests out of their own pockets, despite Donald Trump assuring the nation we wouldn’t have to.

Smithfield’s plant in Sioux Falls, South Dakota, has had over 800 of its workers test positive, and still, testing is only on a voluntary basis. Smithfield has also seen an outbreak at its Denison, Iowa plant.

Health and Human Services Secretary, Alex Azar, doesn’t want to recognize these plants are human petri dishes for the coronavirus. He blames the workers, not the plants where over 20 people have died. He blamed their home and “lifestyle choices.” That’s reminiscent of the AIDS outbreak in the 1980s.  I would love to hear the types of lifestyles Azar believes encourages the spread of the virus over standing shoulder-to-shoulder in a meatpacking plant.

Now they’re treating the White House like a meatpacking plant. The administration is in denial their offices are tainted and self-quarantining, isolation, and mask-wearing needs to go into effect immediately.

How can you expect Donald Trump to protect the nation from this virus when he can’t protect the White House? How can anyone say he’s doing a great job or it’s a “success story” when the White House is germier than a pair of Donald Trump’s briefs after an evening at Jeffrey Epstein’s house? Donald Trump promised us that after 15 people were infected nationwide, the number would soon go down to zero. It’s not even zero at the White House.

Donald Trump said, “I don’t see it for myself” about wearing a mask. I wonder if he sees catching the coronavirus for himself? Does it see it for everyone else on his staff?

If nothing else, Melania has at least one more reason to have her own bedroom.

Creative note: I was choosing between two ideas this morning. The other was also on meatpacking plants, the White House, and unemployment. But I thought to myself, “Cows in suits are just funny.” So I sent them both to proofreader Laura to get her input. She wrote back, “Cows in suits are just funny.”

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

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You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

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Republican Herd


cjones10262019

When you can’t counter facts and evidence, what do you do? You scream as loud as you can about the process, create a giant scene of faux outrage, and state a massive hissy fit. That’s exactly what Matt Gaetz led House Republicans to do yesterday.

Though Gaetz didn’t stampede a herd of cattle through the private impeachment hearing, delaying a witness from the Pentagon from testifying for five hours, he did find a bunch of poo-flinging monkeys in the form of fellow Republicans.

Republicans are crying about the Democratic-led hearings being held in secret, but they don’t have a leg to stand on. They say it defies precedent as previous impeachment hearings were public. But those impeachments reached the House AFTER the investigative process. What’s going on now is the investigative process, much like the Republican investigations into Benghazi and Fast & Furious, which also started in secret. After the investigative process, there will be public hearings. After Trump is impeached, he’ll have a trial in the Senate where yes, he will have a defense team. Granted, a very stupid defense team, but a defense team nevertheless.

Why hold the investigations in secret? One reason is so witnesses can’t collaborate from watching each others’ testimonies. The other reason is so House members don’t turn the hearings into a circus. Proving this point, yesterday, Matt Gaetz and a bunch of Republican clowns crashed a committee hearing yesterday.

Another complaint is that Republicans can’t participate or ask questions in these hearings. False and false. Forty-eight Republicans are on the committees in these hearings and they can ask questions. Here’s a fun fact: At least 13 of the Republicans staging the party-crashing yesterday WERE INVITED TO ATTEND THE HEARINGS! They’re on those committees. It’s like crashing a party you’re invited to. If they really wanted to take part in these hearings, then why didn’t they attend and question the witnesses instead of crashing it with idiot Gaetz and holding a pizza party? Yeah, they had pizza.

Another fun fact: These hearings are being held in a Sensitive Compartmented Information Facility, commonly known as a SCIF (in case you’re a Republican, that’s what we call an “acronym”). There are rules that cell phones are not allowed into these facilities. Yet, this will totally come as not a surprise to you, several of these stupid Republicans brought in their devices. Some even live-streamed and tweeted from inside the room. So much for Republicans caring about national security.

Even more fun facts: House leader Kevin McCarthy and Donald Trump knew beforehand this was going to happen, and they approved.

And yet, another fun fact: Gaetz and his staff handed out expired congressional passes to some uncredentialed reporters and the crew of HBO’s The Swamp, which is documenting Gaetz’s efforts to combat the hearings, which is a violation of House rules.

Matt Gaetz and his band of stupid brothers are fortunate they weren’t arrested, but many believe that’s what they wanted as it would have made a bigger scene.

Republicans are complaining about secret hearings over Trump corruption they believe should have remained a secret. When these hearings go public, they’ll do everything they can to suppress and shout down witnesses. If they think it’s bad now, wait. Their defense isn’t going to improve.

Expect more Republican stampedes in the future because all they have is bullshit.

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You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

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