Covfefe

Bahama Trauma


cjones09192019

Donald Trump is an idiot and a racist which means he’s too stupid to come up with good covers for his racism.

Hurricane Dorian devastated the Bahamas last week with 200-mile-per hour winds for nearly 38 hours. At least 50 people have died and the Abacos islands are nearly destroyed. Many Bahamians are seeking temporary protection status in the U.S. and a bipartisan group of lawmakers, mostly from Florida, are calling on Donald Trump to relax visa requirements.

Naturally, since a majority of Bahamians’ skin has a darker pigmentation than “real” Americans, Trump isn’t enthusiastic about letting them into the country. But what excuse does he use to deny them?

Monday, Trump told reporters, “I don’t want to allow people that weren’t supposed to be in the Bahamas to come into the United States, including some very bad people, and some very bad gang members, and some very, very bad drug dealers.” Yeah, we only want the good gang members and good drug dealers.

Basically, Trump is saying the Bahamas is trying to send us rapists and murderers though he assumes, some are very good people.

As usual, Trump is lying. He’s arguing that drug dealers and gang members infiltrated the Bahamas to ride out a hurricane and use it as a cover to infiltrate the U.S. If you’re dumb enough to buy that, well, you’re a Republican.

The DEA said in a 2018 report (if you’re a Republican, 2018 was last year) that only seven percent of cocaine, heroin, and marijuana came to the U.S. from the Caribbean in 2017. In fact (if you’re a Republican, a “fact” is something that is true, not something that comes out of Trump’s mouth), the DEA says there’s been an increase of drugs entering the Bahamas from the United States.

Do you know what I hear about the United States? I hear there are some very bad people, and some very bad bang members, and some very, very bad drug dealers there. It’s so bad that Republicans are wearing ugly red hats stating the country isn’t great.

Also, maybe nobody should let us into their country because I hear the United States has a very, very bad president.

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Covfefe


cjones06042017

When asked if the public should be concerned that the president sent out an incomprehensible tweet, Sean Spicer said no. I disagree. The public should be very concerned that the president might have suffered an aneurysm in mid-tweet.

Sean Spicer is literally defending gibberish. There’s been an aspect of Baghdad Bob to Spicy since he debuted last January. Take his recent description of Trump’s first foreign trip as “Truly an extraordinary week…” “Historic turning point…” “The president’s historic speech…” “A historic event…” That’s some serious Baghdad Bobbing.

But that tweet. What was that? Did the president, who brags about how little sleep he needs, crash in the middle of a sentence? Did he change his mind? Did he butt tweet? Is he insane? Was he tackled by his lawyers? Was it a secret code to the Russians or maybe to tell his staff to shred everything? Did Sarah Palin hijack his Twitter account? Did Dan Quayle ever figure out how to spell “potato?”

Shortly after midnight on Wednesday morning, the president tweeted “despite the constant negative press covfefe.” And then we waited. And waited. And waited. The entire nation, and world was left scratching their heads wondering what in the hell is “covfefe.” How do you pronounce it? What was the man, who tells us he has the “best words,” trying to say?

The tweet was deleted shortly after 6:00 a.m. and replaced with “Who can figure out the true meaning of ‘covfefe’ ??? Enjoy!” That’s the narcissistic way of saying “I meant to do that.”

The reality being that Sean Spicer’s job is to defend a narcissist (one symptom is they never make mistakes or apologize), he gave another stupid and ridiculous answer to defend the president. Instead of saying something like the president is human and made a boo-boo, they had to spin it. If this was a White House that could laugh at themselves we’d probably all chuckle along and then move on with our lives and focus on more serious stuff, like bombs in Kabul.

But no. Spicy had to say the president meant to send that tweet and….this is where he goes all Baghdad Bobby….“a small group of people know exactly what he meant.” Who are these people? If they actually exist do they have their own secret language? Are they orange? This answer was given during an audio-only press briefing. They didn’t want to defend this crap on camera. If this administration lies about the harmless little things then you know they’ll never tell the truth about the really big important stuff.

“Trump White House” is fast becoming an entry people don’t want at the top of their resumes. Sean Spicer gets to add the job skills of defending “imaginary crowd sizes,” “late-night tantrums,” “fake facts,” “Hitler’s use of chemical weapons,” and “gibberish.” He can keep a straight face while reporters laugh at him while he’s telling them to stop shaking their heads.

He’s also good at stepping in covfefe.

Creative notes and other stuff: Sometimes when I title these blogs I’m concerned that I may have used the title previously. That wasn’t a concern with this entry. I’m fairly certain I have never used “covfefe” in any aspect of my life before.

Also, it’s my birthday. Isn’t that a bitch? As you get older your birthday usually approaches like a slow crawling storm cloud that you know will eventually hit. This one really sneaked up on me. I think it was two days ago when someone said something and I was like “oh shit.” Birthdays, at least mine, have gone from celebrating myself to being a much larger measurement of time. I don’t really look back on all the private and personal stuff over the year as much as I do with all the work stuff. I’m amazed that an issue I covered a year ago doesn’t seem that long ago, or that some of those issues are still issues. We still have Trump. He’s still an idiot.

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