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House Of Chaos

There has been no shortage of cartoon issues this week. Between Russia in Syria, Hillary taking a position, Ben Carson’s stupidity and Thursday Congressman Kevin McCarthy surprised everyone by removing himself from becoming Speaker of the House.

The crazies that make up the Teapublican wing of the party in Congress has made the Speaker job a position no rational person wants to deal with. Congress needs someone who can do the business of government but the Tea Party wackos truly want someone who will disrupt government, make politics out of every issue and refuse to work with the president. These are the people who want to shut down the government.

They don’t make up the majority of the party but they are enough of them to disrupt the government, and curtail a rational person from getting enough vote from becoming Speaker.

There is speculation the real reason McCarthy stepped aside is because he has been having an affair with a fellow member of Congress. Since the affair is only speculation I don’t want to contribute to rumors that McCarthy, who’s married, has been having an affair with a female member of Congress, who’s also married, thus making it an affair. So let’s not speak of this affair business anymore. Though earlier this week another Republican Congressman wrote a letter to the GOP conference chairman that any member who’s done any misdeeds, like having an affair, since becoming a member of Congress, thus embarrassing themselves (with an affair), should not run for Speaker. That would cover something like an affair. But again, let’s not speculate on anyone having an affair.

The Republicans will find someone willing to take the job. The trick is to find someone smart enough not to take the job, but guilt him into taking the job anyway. Jason Chaffetz, the guy who embarrassed himself and got his butt handed to him at the hearing over Planned Parenthood, wants the job. That guy can’t even read a graph correctly or validate it’s authenticity. Sure, he should be in charge. The Democrats are loving this.

As a citizen I want this to settle down. I want Congress to select a rational speaker who will conduct the business of government and finds common ground with the president and the opposing party in Congress (even Gingrich did that). As a cartoons I want them to select the craziest bomb thrower there is that goes so bad it taints the GOP’s presidential aspirations. What a cartoonist wants is never good for anybody.

I have drawn my share of holiday-cliche cartoons throughout my 25-year career. The past few years I’ve done a good job of avoiding them. It’s my attempt to be original, irreverent, interesting…not boring. I am bored with drawing Cupids, Santas, Christmas trees and turkeys. You always see a thousand cartoons of sitting on Santa’s lap, a turkey about to get his head chopped off, the Ground Hog, and trick er treaters. Halloween is a lot harder to avoid because the imagery is a lot more fun than other holidays. So I gave you a few treaters today but I think I made up for it by throwing in a Wookie.

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Alabama Martian

If you are an African American and you do not live in Alabama, Congratulations.

Alabama, like other Southern red states, has strict ID Voter Laws. On the record, these laws are designed to prevent voter fraud. Since voter fraud doesn’t really exist, then off the record they’re designed to prevent minority voting. That isn’t voter fraud but a Republican chicanery that goes along with their efforts to prevent minority voting through redistricting.

In Alabama the Republican state legislature has cut spending which will greatly reduce the number of offices where one can acquire an identification. Most of the offices closing are in the most isolated areas. That is, every county where black voters comprise 75% of voters and the communities that overwhelmingly voted for Obama in 2012 will see those offices closed. That is 28 out of 67 counties. Eight of the 10 counties with the largest non-white populations will be without a place to get an ID.

So if you’re in Alabama and you don’t have an ID and you want to vote and you don’t have transportation then like Forrest you’re gonna have ruuuuuuuun.

Republicans always win Alabama and they’re still cheating. Isn’t it nice that when Republicans do govern, they legislate ways to increase their political advantage?

African Americans comprise 26% of the state’s population. Out of seven congressional seats only one is represented by an African-American who is also a Democrat. The GOP holds the other six.

Just like Matt Damon in the film The Martian, African Americans are being left behind in Alabama. The difference is this is intentional.

Changing gears now: I saw a funny tweet the other day I wish I had created. It said something like “between The Martian, Interstellar, and Saving Private Ryan, our government has spent a ridiculous amount of money retrieving Matt Damon.” I couldn’t have written it because I never saw Interstellar. I haven’t seen The Martian yet either.

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Ben Wambo Carson

Ben Carson says he wouldn’t have cooperated with a shooter and would have attacked him instead. That’s some very tough talk for someone who’s not in a violent situation. Maybe he plays too many video games.

When you say something like that you’re insulting the victims. Why didn’t you do something? Why didn’t you man up? I’m better than you.

Carson also says the shooter can only shoot one at a time. I think that’s a statement even gun lovers will back away from. Wambo, the shooter wasn’t using a sling shot.

Ben Carson is a surgeon. He has read books. I think he may be the smartest dumb person in existence.

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McHillary

Meanwhile all the Republican presidential candidates have come out against Burger King’s new Black Bun Whopper.

Gocomics is a site where editorial cartoons usually receives the most reader comments. I predict there will be less comments about Hillary Clinton being indecisive and rebranding herself, and more about McDonald’s serving breakfast all day.

I have to admit, I’m pretty psyched about getting a McGriddle at four in the afternoon. The McGriddle might be the greatest invention of the modern era.

I’m sure as Hell not going to try that black bun burger…or anything from Burger King. Bleagh!

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Sheriff Underpants

This is a cartoon I drew for the Maricopa Monitor in Arizona.

Paul Babeu is a Republican sheriff of Pinal County, Arizona. He’s a hardliner against illegal immigration. He was also co-chair of Mitt Romney’s presidential campaign in Arizona. He recently announced his candidacy for Arizona’s 1st Congressional District. This is where it gets weird.

Babeu is gay, which is always weird for a Republican. Despite his stance and rhetoric about illegal immigrants, a male illegal immigrant claimed he and Babeu were lovers from 2006 to 2011. He also claims Babeu threatened to deport him if he exposed the affair. From this, the sheriff acquired the nickname “Sheriff Underpants.” He probably doesn’t like that.

I’m glad I’m out of his jurisdiction or else he might deport me for this cartoon.

I got an email Monday morning from the editor of the Monitor asking for a local cartoon and how quick could I turn it out. I told I’ve been able to do it within a day for clients in the past (I do it everyday for my syndicate). He then asked if I could do it within three hours, which was when he was going to press (stop the presses!). He said if I couldn’t come up with anything in that time span then he’d still want it for the next edition. I can’t guarantee I can always research, write, submit a rough, then draw and color a finished product within three hours, but I did yesterday. Actually I did it within two. However this cartoon kinda wrote itself.

Here’s the rough. I took his hat off because his bald head makes him look more identifiable. I also have him laying down because it was easier to get him in the sign around all the lettering. It also helped that the Burt Reynolds/Joe Namath pose made it funnier.

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Stuff Happens

Jeb Bush’s reaction to the mass shooting in Oregon was “stuff happens.” Afterward he said his quote was taken out of context. The presidential candidate’s actual quote is: “We’re in a difficult time in our country and I don’t think that more government is necessarily the answer to this. I think we need to reconnect ourselves with everybody else. It’s just, it’s very sad to see. But I resist the notion — and I did, I had this, this challenge as governor, because we have, look, stuff happens, there’s always a crisis and the impulse is always to do something and it’s not necessarily the right thing to do.” So doing something is not necessarily the right thing to do. I’m glad we set the context straight here. He’s playing to the gun lobby and conservative voters. Those who believe there should not be anymore regulations on firearms and that we probably need more guns in society (because that’s been working out so well so far). Do nothing. Shrug shoulders. What exactly does this guy plan to do if elected? I know if he becomes president a lot of people will be saying something “happens.” It will start with an “S” but it won’t be “stuff.”

This was my second idea. I had my first idea all day Tuesday but I held of drawing it because I was afraid it might be obvious and another cartoonist would draw it. Actually I felt one particular cartoonist would draw it. I’m not psychic. Maybe it’s because I’ve been a fan of his for over 25 years and we both think weird. Yes, he drew a variation on it and I think it was better than my original idea. Here it is.

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Whose Quagmire Is It Anyway?

Does everyone in the United States have short memories? It was just a couple years ago Obama had a serious hankering to start bombing Syrian troops. Public opposition derailed his plans and today we’re yelling at him for not doing anything. We are a fickle people.

Donald Trump thinks it’s a good thing Putin’s Russia is in Syria. I would agree with him if Putin wasn’t using the guise of fighting terrorism to actually fight those who oppose a brutal dictator. Putin’s venture into Syria doesn’t have anything to do with fighting terrorism and is only a venture to stabilize Assad.

We’re going to take as much action on Putin in Syria as we did with Putin in Ukraine, or Putin in Georgia (not the Georgia Jimmy Carter’s from).

Here in the United States, nobody has an answer for Syria. All we have is criticism. Criticism isn’t all bad, unless it’s all you got…and you’re a political cartoonist.

I also find it bizarre that conservatives seem to be idolizing Putin, take him at his word and state that he’s so honest. Admire a Russian strongman who’s overcompensating for something while you create lies about your American president. Such patriotism. Maybe Putin reminds them of Bush and they can see his soul.

I was wondering what an actual “Quagmire” would look like, other than quicksand. When I did a Google Image search, I got this.

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A Ban To End Gun Violence

Another mass shooting at another school. The president is tired of making speeches about these things. I’m getting tired of drawing cartoons about it but I’m not a politician who will ignore it, or offer condolences and not action.

An editor at one my client newspapers graduated from Umpqua Community College in Oregon, where the latest shooting took place Thursday. I know he’s having a hard time this week. These shootings have come close to home in Virginia for me. Someone mentioned that people may have to know someone affected by gun violence before they’ll make any efforts to end this insanity. At this rate, everyone will be touched soon enough.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. The starving cartoonist appreciates it.

Meet The New Boss

Same as the old boss.

What’s a gaffe in Washington? When a politician accidentally speaks the truth.

Examples are Republicans admitting that voter ID laws are only created to decrease votes for Democrats, or when Mitch McConnell admitted Senate and House Republicans only interest was to make Obama a one-term president. Then there was that time on the campaign trail Mitt Romney said he didn’t care about the 47% (because they felt they were victims and were entitled to the government for free stuff).

Good politics doesn’t always equal good government.

California congressman Kevin McCarthy is probably going to replace John Boehner as Speaker of the House. What he said Wednesday isn’t really a gaffe or a freudian slip (saying something you’re thinking that you shouldn’t say) since he meant to say it, which he later tried to clarify. He stated that the Benghazi investigations, which they created a special committee for, is part of a strategy to destroy Hillary Clinton politically. Well we knew that. It’s just surprising that big mouth actually fessed up to it.

His actual quote is “Everybody thought Hillary Clinton was unbeatable, right? But we put together a Benghazi special committee, a select committee. What are her numbers today? Her numbers are dropping. Why? Because she’s untrustable. But no one would have known any of that had happened, had we not fought.”

I wonder if Republicans get the irony where he says we can’t trust Hillary Clinton while he admits they’re wasting government money on personal vendettas.

Right now Hillary is sending probably sending him an Amazon gift card as a gift for his new office. Thanks for the new right-wing conspiracy.

Of course politics is always played in government and legislating but at some point our elected officials should actually attempt to legislate. Stop all the pointless investigations into Benghazi, email and Planned Parenthood and stop wasting time trying to vote out Obamacare. Stop wasting our money on your frivolous little adventures.

I started to put a label on John Boehner but I didn’t like the way it looked. Besides, he’s orange. He’s smoking a cigarette. Screw it. The readers should know it’s John Boehner. I’m really going to miss drawing him. All I’ve done over the past few years was draw an orange Bob Dole with a cigarette.

Have you ever seen the Speaker’s gavel? It’s symbolically huge. It’s like Thor’s hammer here and Kevin McCarthy isn’t worthy.

I’m gonna try something new for a while:

About a year ago I set up a tip bucket (it’s on the right side of this page). About a week after setting it up someone actually gave me a tip. Cool. Since then, nothing else. Aw.

Several months ago I allowed WordPress to put ads on my page. I figured nobody would look at them. I never look at ads. I kill them on news pages as soon as possible. They’re annoying. But somebody must be looking at them. WordPress surprised me yesterday and deposited a payment into my Paypal account. I was impressed. Not impressed with the amount of the payment but just the mere fact there was one. This website has now officially paid for itself (though not for the time and maintenance, just the costs).

A friend who looks at this website every single day said “hey, you should put up a tip bucket.” I said there is a tip bucket. She had never noticed it before. So maybe nobody’s seeing it.

I don’t like asking for money. I have never advertised it. Nobody owes me anything and I’m glad you’re reading the cartoons for free. But it’s hard to eat when nobody pays you. Right now I am making my living on newspapers mailing me tiny monthly checks. Occasionally I get a commissioned assignment to create a cartoon or illustration for a publication. Some of my clients are very lackadaisical about putting a check in the mail. Most of them get around to it but sometimes they wait three months, or longer and they need a nudge. Enough whining.

If you want show appreciation financially and you have a few bucks, anything contributed is appreciated. It’s appreciated a LOT. I know most people can’t and a lot of my readers are scraping by themselves. But all contributions won’t just feed me and a Beagle and go toward rent. It will also go toward pens, paper and other assorted art and computer supplies. I’m not going to go on a shopping spree even though I my Converse have holes and I haven’t bought a new shirt or jeans in over two years. Really. Now I’m done whining.

I’m going to start posting a note (for a while at least) about the Paypal tip button. I’ll make it short.

Whether you tip or not, thank you very much for reading, laughing, hating, cursing, liking, commenting and sharing. It’s all greatly appreciated. Thank you.

Kim Davis Meets The Pope

When news hit Tuesday night that homophobic Kentucky county clerk Kim Davis had a secret private meeting with the Pope, most people reacted “wha’aaaaaaaaaaat?”

There was a lot of doubt. The Pope was riding high on good will from the United States. Why would he meet with such a hater?

The Pope gave a talk about conscientious objectors in public service. The only problem is, Kim Davis is not a conscientious objector. If she was, she would have quit her clerking job.

The Pope’s meeting with her was supposed to stay quiet until after he left the country which makes sense he’d want to be out of the country when the public found out he was BFFing with America’s current number one bigot.

Way to go, Pope.