CIA

Spy Vs Orange Spy

cjones09172019

Here’s a catch-22 for Donald Trump. He can say the press is right that a spy was extracted from the Kremlin out of fears his big, fat, treasonous mouth would expose him to Vladimir Putin, or he can say the media is wrong and he was pulled out because details in their reporting of Russian meddling in the 2016 election was exposing the spy. Option one admits he’s a threat to national security either inadvertently out of stupidity or on purpose out of treason. If he picks option two, he admits there was Russian meddling. Donald Trump is not smart enough to catch or wiggle his way around that. Neither are his supporters. Go have fun with that today, kids while arguing on social media with the fucknuts.

The CIA is saying the press got it wrong and he was extracted because of option two and journalists picked up details about the CIA’s Kremlin sources. But, the CIA offered to pull the spy out in 2016 and he refused. They offered again in 2017 after Donald Trump was elected, and the spy accepted. And why wouldn’t he?

Donald Trump gives Russia preferential treatment over the United States. If you don’t believe me, just look at his reactions to the Russia investigation. Donald Trump created a lie that President Obama wiretapped Trump Tower. Then, he created a lie that the FBI planted a spy into his presidential campaign. Vladimir Putin did actually try, and maybe succeeded, in planting a spy in the Trump Campaign and President Dotard has never expressed any emotion over that or has even acknowledged it. That’d be like getting upset over an imaginary dog peeing on your tires after a Gorilla took a crap on your back seat.

Decades ago, the CIA recruited a midlevel Russian official who then advanced through the government’s ranks. The agency struck gold as he eventually gained access to the highest levels of the Kremlin. He became one of the CIA’s most important, and protected assets during the 2016 presidential election. He was protected to the point that he was not included in any of President Obama’s daily briefings so to limit the number of people with knowledge of the spy, and instead separate intelligence reports were sent to the president in specially-sealed envelopes.

The spy was able to confirm that Putin ordered and orchestrated Russia’s interference in our election himself and that the Russian president affirmatively favored Trump and personally ordered the hacking of the Democratic National Committee.

How do you think Putin would have reacted to catching a spy in the Kremlin? In March 2018, Russia poisoned a former spy and his daughter…in England.

So, if you’re a spy in the Kremlin feeding information to the CIA, you may feel a little nervous with an American presidential candidate praising Putin repeatedly while disparaging his own president. After that candidate is elected, you would probably get the night sweats. After seeing that president reveal classified information to the Russian ambassador and foreign minister in the Oval freaking Office, you would probably call the CIA and scream, “Get me the fuck out of here.”

If the spy wasn’t extracted by the Helsinki Summit, he may have thrown own ass off a building.

Donald Trump has had private, closed-door meetings with Putin. Trump has talked to Putin with only the Russian’s interpreter present. Trump has ordered an American interpreter to burn her notes after a closed-door session with Putin. Trump, while standing next to Putin, took his word that Russia didn’t meddle in our election over that of America’s intelligence agencies. Donald Trump, according to reports, even offered Putin a bribe to erect a Trump Tower in Moscow when he was a presidential candidate (instead, Putin bought Trump). Last week, Donald Trump tweeted a classified photo. So yeah, I’m sure that spy wanted out of Russia all because of the U.S. media.

Here’s a fun fact: Donald Trump has only polled above 50% in two nations and one of them is not the United States. One of those nations is Israel and I’ll give you only one guess for the other. If you’re a Republican, I’ll give you a hint: There’s been a few mentions of it already in today’s blog. Hey, I said only one hint.

The spy’s identity and location have not been reported. For his safety, let’s hope Donald Trump hasn’t been told.

Creative notes: I use two copy editors for my cartoons, Laura and Hilary. They’re wonderful. They both caught “by who” in this cartoon and said “by whom” is correct. But, they both said to keep “by who.” Laura said that nobody talks that way and “by whom” sounds “stilted.” Hilary wasn’t as delicate and said “by whom,” and I’m quoting her here…sounds “douchey.”

I love them.

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Hacked Devices

cjones03112017

I have to admit that I am not very knowledgeable with a lot of technological gadgets. I don’t feel a need to own the newest cell phone, tablet, TV, laptop, etc. When I put my fairly old flat screen TV up in my new place my friend who helped me was disgusted with how old it was and that the frame around the screen was so “large.” It works for me. The only reason I have a Surface Pro 4 was because it was for my work which is the one thing I am super picky about. I’ll never figure out all the amazing things I can do with it as I’ve only used it for surfing the internet and creating my cartoons. I’m a very bad and lazy nerd.

So when WikiLeaks revealed hacked data informing the world that the CIA has the capability to hack into cell phones and televisions, I had some research to do.

Oh my god! The CIA is reading and viewing everything about you? Why at this very moment someone at Langley is laughing at your penis pictures stored on your phone. Well, not really.

When I say “not really” I’m talking about the hacking. You should probably still delete those penis pictures. It’s very doubtful the CIA is hacking into your phone, television, or Cuisinart.

WikiLeaks claimed that the CIA can “bypass” encrypted message apps such as Signal and WhatsApp and they gave the impression they were doing wide sweeps on the entire world population. I had not even heard of those two apps before. Do you know why WikiLeaks dumps thousands of pages at once instead of trickling them out? It’s because the press will run wild with the headlines before they can go through all the details of the documents. If they did that then the outrage wouldn’t be as intense as it is now. I’m pretty sure I’m the only political cartoonist in the nation who read the details of the CIA’s capability within those leaks. After you read it you still have to understand it.

What WikiLeaks actually revealed is that the encrypted apps work very well and the CIA has to develop more advanced techniques to target individuals one by one, not a wide sweep of multiple devices. You’re in more danger of your little sister hacking into your phone and using your twitter to announce your hemorrhoids to the world than of the CIA snooping on you. I seriously doubt spooks have much interest in your cat pictures, no matter how adorable you attest that they are.

The techniques the CIA is using to target individual phones is to use the apps the same as the user they’re targeting. These methods are not new and have been open information at geek conferences. The only new information is that the CIA is using them.

Did you understand any of that? I had to read this New York Times article three times. I lied. It was more than three times. Please read it in case I didn’t do a good job of explaining it here. It’s the best explanation to this entire WikiLeaks insanity.

I think the bigger news is that the CIA can be hacked into. Our president, who said he loved WikiLeaks, has been pretty silent on this latest cache dump. He’s the head of our government and it’s being threatened by the same hackers who worked with the Russians to help him become president. Now they’re still threatening our nation. It’s an uncomfortable position in that he swore and took an oath to protect our nation and also declared his love for our enemy’s handiwork.

WikiLeaks is trying to discredit our intelligence agencies as they investigate Trump’s ties to Russia. Let’s not forget that during our outrage at the CIA.

If you voted for Donald Trump and you still believe in him then you’re crazier than anyone talking to their vacuum cleaner.

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Putin’s Puppet

cjones12122016

The people who spent eight years screaming the loudest about being patriots and shouting “I want my country back” are the first to turn a blind eye and allow a foreign nation to commit terrorism on us and manipulate our democratic system. That’s the equivalent of treason.

The CIA has assessed that Russia wasn’t just trying to destroy confidence in our electoral system, they were trying to help elect Donald Trump. They’re very confident about this.

The White House wanted a unified bipartisan front to combat this and they went to Congressional leaders. The Republicans who spent eight years saying no to Obama this time said “eh.” Mitch McConnell, the GOP’s leader in the Senate chose to hide in his turtle shell and ignore the threat and today his wife is nominated to work in the Trump administration. That’s a sweet payoff.

Trump’s transition team dismissed the news with the statement “These are the same people that said Saddam Hussein had weapons of mass destruction. The election ended a long time ago in one of the biggest Electoral College victories in history. It’s now time to move on and ‘Make America Great Again.” Basically “blah blah blah.”

This isn’t Iraq or a search of weapons of mass destruction in Iraq. This can’t be shrugged off because of a past mistake. If that’s how we’re going to treat any analysis by the CIA then what’s the point of having a CIA? The other B.S. in the statement is that Trump did not win in one of the biggest Electoral College victories in history and has lost the popular vote to Hillary Clinton by more than two million. The last thing about this is their willingness to dismiss and ignore a threat to our nation by a foreign power.

Trump is about to swear an oath to protect this nation from all threats foreign and domestic. As president-elect he’s showing us he doesn’t intend to take that oath seriously, if he even understands it.

Trump still refuses to believe Russia was behind the hacking into the Democrat’s campaign. He says it could have been China or some guy in New Jersey. I’m not sure how capable Chris Christie is with computers. He and his supporters refuse to believe Russians were helping him win the election but they’ll buy a story that Hillary Clinton is selling child sex slaves out of a pizza parlor.

Even if it’s not Russia behind the attacks Trump and his flying monkeys are ignoring one basic fact. Nobody was hacking into Trump’s campaign and releasing the data. Someone was breaking the law, breaking the rules, not playing fair, to help Donald Trump win the White House. They’re fine with that.

Donald Trump, Republicans, and their voters didn’t just allow our democracy to be manipulated by a foreign power with evil intentions. They allowed themselves to be compromised. They’d sell their nation out for a cheap win.  That’s exactly what they did.

That’s not patriotism. It’s called treason. It’s the real scandal that’s “worse than Watergate.”

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A CIA Briefing

cjones05072016

Now that Donald Trump is the presumptive Republican nominee he is going to receive briefings by the CIA. Yes, the Central Intelligence Agency. An Agency with the word “intelligence” is going to tell Trump secrets. Trump, the guy who gave out Lindsay Graham’s phone number at a campaign rally. Donald Trump. That guy.

Donald Trump, who doesn’t have the intelligence to realize a taco bowl isn’t authentic Mexican food (and whether his restaurant serves them or not), is going to receive government secrets. The odds of Trump actually becoming president are very remote, but every day a new potential horror is revealed. We’re worried about Hillary’s email server? A greater security risk is Trump’s mouth.

Since 98% of everything Trump says is a lie, the only good thing about any of this is that if he does spill a secret, no one is going to believe him…well, except for 30% of Republican voters.

Donald Trump LOVES the National Enquirer. He believes it’s real news. The National Enquirer ran two stories on Ted Cruz and Trump used both against his opponent. Those two stories involved Cruz’s father being connected to Lee Harvey Oswald (go ahead and laugh) and Ted Cruz being a super stud having multiple affairs (go ahead and laugh much harder). It also reported that Ben Carson once left a sponge in a patient’s brain. Turned out that story was false and the sponge was actually Ben’s brain.

Trump is buddies with the CEO of the Enquirer, David Pecker. No, I am not making that name up. Trump even tweeted and bragged about pecker (the CEO) and that he should take over Time Magazine. There is something more frightening to journalism than another Rupert Murdoch purchase.

I really hope Trump University doesn’t offer journalism degrees.

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