Brett Kavanaugh

Something, Something Tax Cuts


cjones10212018

Funny thing about those massive tax cuts for the rich that Republicans were so excited to campaign on; they’re not running on them. You remember those tax cuts, right? Donald Trump flew down to Mar-a-Lago afterward and told his rich, snobby friends over wine, steaks, caviar, and lobsters that they “just got richer.” We were promised they wouldn’t increase the deficit, but as predicted, they have and Mitch McConnell’s solution is to cut Medicare and Social Security. But, hey. Trump’s kids won’t have to pay estate taxes after he croaks, so it’s all good.

For some reason, these tax cuts that were going to be so awesome for everyone isn’t being mentioned by Republicans in the midterm campaigns. Instead, they’re running on fear.

Donald Trump is telling supporters that Republicans create jobs and Democrats create angry mobs, and they’re for open borders and against law and order. He’s encouraging Republicans to run on caravans and Kavanaugh.

Trump retweeted a video accusing George Soros of funding people from Central America who are walking over 2,000 miles to seek refugee status in the U.S. He’s arguing that we can’t have Democrats in Congress who won’t let gropers on the Supreme Court. He’s claiming that Republicans don’t support taking away coverage of pre-existing conditions, except his administration is fighting in court to do just that. As we have come to know, Donald Trump lies. Lying has now become the Republican Party platform.

While Trump and Republicans accuse Democrats of having nothing to run on, they’re running on lies.

In a race for New York’s 19th Congressional District, the Republican National Congressional Committee (which should be excited about tax cuts) is running an ad against Democrat Antonio Delgado. Delgado, who is black, is a former rapper and the GOP is using that to scare voters while using Kanye to recruit them. It’s OK if you haven’t found the logic in that yet, because I haven’t either. Is it the rhyming ability or the fact he’s black we’re supposed to be afraid of? Maybe it is the music part because in Texas they’re scaring people by pointing out Beto O’Rourke used to play in a punk band. Oh, my god. He knows at least three chords.

In another New York Congressional District, Republican Chris Collins is trying to take attention away from the fact that he was indicted on insider trading charges by pointing out his opponent is bilingual. His opponent is Democrat Nate McMurray whose wife is a naturalized citizen from South Korea. The Republicans are running an ad showing McMurry speaking Korean while showing pictures of Kim Jong Un. Never mind the fact that Donald Trump can only speak enough English to say he’s in love with Kim, a bilingual Democrat is in direct opposition to nationalism. Do you know who else speaks Korean? Koreans! AGH!

In Virginia, Abigail Spanberger, who is a former undercover CIA operative who fought terrorism for eight years, is being accused of teaching future terrorists. First off, U.S. Postal employees accidentally delivered her confidential personnel file to Republican operatives. Now, Republicans supporting Dave Brat are using her stint teaching Bronte and Shakespeare to make her appear as a terror teacher. The Super PAC aligned with Paul Ryan is using confidential information from a security clearance in a political campaign.

Spanberger taught for two semesters at a Saudi embassy school outside Washington. Two former students of the school were involved in failed terrorism plots, which Republicans are using to dub the school “terror high.” They ignore the fact that Spanberger obtained a security clearance after teaching at the school and went on to serve eight years in the CIA. Lord knows that high school is the only one in the nation to produce criminals.

At least Spanberger is only being accused of educating terrorists, and not being one. Ammar Campa-Najjar, a Democrat running for Congress in San Diego, is being accused by his opponent of being an actual terrorist.

The Democrat is a Christian who was raised in a Mexican-American community, but his paternal grandfather, Muhammad Youssef al-Najjar, was involved with the plan to murder Israeli athletes at the 1972 Olympic Games in Germany. My step-grandfather claimed he helped invent Hellman’s mayonnaise, but I hope that’s never held against me. I swear to God my allegiance is to mustard!

The real irony of this is that Campa-Najjar worked in the Obama White House, which required him to get a security clearance from the FBI. His opponent, Duncan Hunter, could never get a security clearance because he was indicted by the FBI.

Republicans are also using the terrorism allegation against Democrats in Ohio and New Jersey.

Republicans can’t do anything honestly. They cheated with help from the Russians, and maybe even the Saudis, to get the White House. They have to cheat to confirm their justices to the Supreme Court. They have to cheat to win elections by gerrymandering and suppressing minority voters. And, in a straight-up head-to-head campaign, they have to lie to win. They warn us about what sort of nation the Democrats will deliver while giving us one led by cheaters, liars, and sycophants. They’ve proven they’ll run and govern from the gutters.

Republicans campaign of fear is working, because I’m scared to death of their America.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch me draw.

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The Ralph Club


cjones10112018

I wasn’t alone in feeling sick to my stomach Saturday with the confirmation of Brett Kavanaugh to the Supreme Court. There’s just something especially nauseating about an entitled, prep school, trust-fund baby with accusations of sexual assault being placed on the highest court in the land by another entitled, prep school, trust-fund baby with his own accusations of sexual assault.

I don’t just feel disappointed. I feel disgusted. It reminded me of the way I felt on election night, but instead of this god-awful abomination being inflicted upon us for four years, Kavanaugh could be around for 30 to 40.

Senate Republicans ignored the sexual assault allegations against Kavanaugh. They said they believe his accuser while also believing him. How can anyone believe both? Maine’s Republican Senator Susan Collins ignored everything about Kavanaugh, believing he’s something he isn’t and gave the final vote to confirm. When Senator Al Franken was caught in a scandal for an old photo of him pretending to grope a woman, Collins called for his resignation. Yet, she’ll send Kavanaugh to the Supreme Court.

They ignored that the FBI investigation was just a cover and a hamstrung investigation at that. They ignored that Kavanaugh lied time and time again during his hearings. They ignored that he’s a political partisan. They ignored that he contacted witnesses about an accusation before it was published and that he lied about when he was aware of it. They ignored that he promised retribution in the future. They ignored that he may have a drinking problem and is a visibly angry person. And, if they have anything that resembles morals, principles, or a conscience, they ignored those too.

They ignored that Kavanaugh was nominated by a president who broke the law to win the election and was supported and enabled by the Russian government to gain the presidency.

They also ignored the will of the people. The majority of Americans did not support Kavanaugh. He had the lowest ratings of any SCOTUS nominee in polling history. He was confirmed with the least number of votes ever for a Supreme Court Justice. That’s OK with Kavanaugh and Republicans. They’re just fine if more disturbing details come out about him in the future after he’s on the bench.

Now, those people who disagree with the vote aren’t just liberals, Democrats, or people who disagree. No. Now they’re being described by Donald Trump, Mitch McConnell, and other Republicans as an “angry left-wing mob.” Tribal politics have sunk to an even lower level than where they were before.

But, if we take the Republicans description, then the majority of America is an angry mob. The majority of Americans don’t support Trump or the Republican Party.  In fact, major decisions that will affect our nation for years are being decided by a minority of Americans. Those Americans are mostly the older, white Americans.

I posted about this on social media Saturday, so if you follow me on Facebook or Twitter, you’ll have to suffer reading it again.

Despite having majority Senate rule, Republicans represent 143 million Americans while Democrats represent 182 million. Compound that with Trump losing the popular vote, a minority of Americans, not the majority, are deciding who gets a lifetime appointment on the Supreme Court. Basically, all the rubes stupid enough to believe in pizzagate are choosing the direction our nation’s taking for the next several decades.

That’s still not good enough for them as they had to steal a Supreme Court seat from Obama and change the rules of how many votes are required for Trump’s nominees. I’m tired of Republicans taking what isn’t theirs and inflicting their will on the majority of Americans who don’t support them. I’m tired of us letting them do it.

I hope you’re tired too. I also hope you feel sick. Maybe you’re tired and sick enough to vote in November and send as many of these old, obtuse, tone-deaf, conservative white men out of office as possible.

Be Complicit
What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch me draw.

Fake Investigation


cjones10092018

The Federal Bureau of Investigations did about as thorough of a job investigating sexual allegations against SCOTUS nominee Brett Kavanaugh as O.J. Simpson did in his search for the “real killers.”

Originally, Donald Trump said he wouldn’t ask the FBI to extend its background investigation on Kavanaugh, as it wasn’t what they do. Republicans echoed that nonsense. When asked if he would call for an FBI investigation, Kavanaugh said, “I like beer.”

Retiring senator Jeff Flake flaked on voting to confirm unless there was an investigation, so the White House authorized one, but limited its scope. Trump claimed he wasn’t limiting the FBI’s search while limiting their search. They gave the FBI a week, and they only took five days. You could actually keep video rentals out longer than that, back when there were video rentals.

Republicans didn’t want an investigation as they were afraid something new would be found. They don’t want to find any nastiness until Kavanaugh is on the bench. After looking at the report, that didn’t contain interviews with the accuser, or the accused, or a polygraph from Kavanaugh, the Republicans described it as a “very thorough investigation.”

Those who were interviewed gave additional names to the FBI, which went ignored. Several people contacted the FBI claiming they had corroborating information on Kavanaugh, but they too were ignored. It’s like the hunt was conducted by those Finding Bigfoot geeks, who claim they’re experts at finding Bigfoots, yet they’ve never found one. But, even they would have taken longer than five days. In fact, you could call the FBI and report you saw Bigfoot and aliens and probably get a faster response than if you were calling about Kavanaugh.

But, we didn’t need the investigation to know Kavanaugh doesn’t belong on the Supreme Court.

More than 2,400 law professors are opposed to Kavanaugh’s confirmation. Former Justice John Paul Stevens is opposed to the confirmation. A majority of Americans are opposed.

Other than being a suspected sexual assaulter with a drinking problem, there are several reasons Kavanaugh should not be confirmed.

The first is a reason we keep forgetting. Donald Trump is being investigated, thankfully by real cops, for colluding with Russia and other crimes to gain the presidency. A fraudulent president shouldn’t be shaping the Supreme Court for the next forty years.

Kavanaugh is not a consensus candidate. If you have to struggle to find 50 votes for confirmation, then you should give up. Find someone who can get the support of at least 60 Senators. Yes. Even in this day of tribal politics, you can find a nominee with bipartisan support. They’re out there. But, this Senate knew Trump would only nominate d-bags and the worst from the judicial system to place on the court, which is what the GOP wants. So, they changed the rules so that only 50 votes, not 60, are required to place a person on the Supreme Court for the rest of his life.

Kavanaugh doesn’t have the temperament. He displayed that at his last hearing, crying, shouting, and throwing questions back at senators when he wasn’t dodging or refusing to answer them. He’s a partisan hack, having worked in the Ken Starr investigation, which was an actual witch hunt.

Speaking of which, if a president can be impeached for lying about something that wasn’t a crime, then a SCOTUS nominee shouldn’t be confirmed for lying during his confirmation hearings. Kavanaugh hasn’t just lied about Devil’s Triangle, the Ralph Club, FFFF, or boofing. He lied about torture during the Bush administration and receiving stolen documents. We deserve a justice that can be trusted, not a perjurer.

He engaged in partisan conspiracy theories, the likes peddled by Alex Jones and Rush Limbaugh, during his last hearing. He claimed people bitter about Trump’s victory and those wanting revenge for the Clintons were out to get him. He said “what comes around goes around,” which is not something you want to hear from a guy headed to the Supreme Court. All that was missing was a “bwahahahahaha” and wringing his hands together. That’s probably coming after he’s confirmed.

Realizing he came off as a partisan hack, Kavanaugh wrote a column which appeared in The Wall Street Journal, which is owned by Rupert Murdoch. Good job, Brett, I mean “Bart.” Let’s prove you’re not a partisan by writing for Murdoch’s paper and appearing on his network. He didn’t apologize but wrote that he shouldn’t have said the things he said during that hearing, and he promises to be impartial and fair. But, those weren’t spontaneous comments. He wrote them down. He was prepared to say them. He thought beforehand that it was a great idea to say them. The only thing his advisers edited out was, “bwahahahahaha.”

The Senate needs to vote no on Kavanaugh. I don’t know why they’re insistent on dying on the hill for this guy. There are plenty of other right-wing assholes to choose from that will please their base, and who probably aren’t alcoholic rapists.

Probably.

Be Complicit
What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch me draw.

I Like Beer


cjones10062018

Did you know Brett Kavanaugh likes beer?

You would be forgiven if you didn’t catch Kavanaugh’s like for beer during last Thursday’s confirmation hearing before the Senate Judicial Committee because he only said “I like beer” about 87 times.

Kavanaugh likes beer. He doesn’t like being questioned about liking beer, but when it does happen, he’ll answer, “I like beer.” He’ll also answer with “What do you like to drink?” and when asked if he’s ever blacked out from drinking, he may answer with, “Have you ever blacked out from drinking?” He even refused to answer “How many beers are too many?” He answered that too many were “Whatever the blood-alcohol chart says,” never mind that there is not a blood alcohol chart. I’m kinda shocked he didn’t say, “When the bartender cuts you off,” or “When the cops arrive to stop the bar fight.”

He screamed answers. He cried answers. He belittled United States senators. He deflected and dodged answers. He gave lies as answers. He changed publicly known definitions for some answers. He even changed the term for a disgusting sex act into a term for drinking beer. He likes beer.

Keep in mind; this was during a job interview. I think if there has to be another hearing for him to explain further sexual assault allegations, a 1985 New York City bar fight, and his inconsistent answers and lies from previous sessions before the Senate; they may want to make him take a breathalyzer test.

It’s understandable that Kavanaugh would be defensive about his beer drinking since many of the accusations against him claim he was excessively drunk when they happened. Kavanaugh says he may have drunk “too many” in the past, but he never blacked out, got smashed, totally tossed, obliterated, sloshed, sizzled, plastered, blotto, or schnockered. He claims he never passed out from drinking, and that he just went to sleep afterward. Maybe they should have asked if after sleeping from drinking, if he’s ever woken up in a ditch, with his face in a public urinal, or with the word “balls” written across his forehead.

Brett Kavanaugh likes beer. Just be careful when you ask him about it.

Be Complicit
What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch me draw.

Why I Believe Dr. Christine Blasey Ford


cjones10052018

I believe Dr. Christine Blasey Ford.

I believe her because she tried to answer every question. I believe her because Brett Kavanaugh refused to answer every question, deflected, counter-attacked, and gave total rubbish in unbelievable answers.

I believe her because she is a psychologist and knows how the brain works. I do not believe she would make her story public, expose herself and her family to be publicly and privately attacked by Trump trolls and death threats if she wasn’t absolutely sure that it was Brett Kavanaugh who attacked her.

A lot of people have tossed out the theory that she has confused Kavanaugh and Mark Judge for other people. To believe that you have to believe she’s confusing two people who hung out together. I can’t believe she would do that. She is sure of who attacked her. You can’t say she was attacked but probably by someone else, and that you believe her and Kavanaugh. One of them is lying and it’s not Blasey Ford.

Mostly, I believe her because I can relate to the way she describes what she remembers and what she can’t. I can relate to why she didn’t tell anyone. That’s because I have my own assault story. It’s a story I’ve only told a few people, and just in the last few years despite it happened when I was 16-years-old.

I have been told that more men should speak out. I am inspired by Dr. Blasey Ford’s courage and bravery to speak of her ordeal in public, basically on every television in America. I’m also inspired by the courage of Ana Maria Archila and Maria Gallagher who confronted Senator Jeff Flake in the elevator.

I don’t think my experience is nearly as horrifying and traumatizing as Blasey Ford’s. I don’t think it messed me up for life. I know so many others who have experienced much worse than I did. My experience lasted for only a few seconds. I think I was very fortunate it wasn’t worse because it had the potential to be.

Coincidentally enough, my attack happened in 1982, the same year as Blasey Ford’s. It may have even happened in the same week. I do know that mine was on a Saturday. How do I remember that? That part’s simple.

In 1982, I had my first job as a busboy. I was spending the summer with my older sister and her husband in Natchez, Mississippi. They were expecting their second baby and had recently lost their first. My mom thought it would be good for Robin my sister, if she had me nearby for a while after that loss, and that having my first job would be good for me. She may have also wanted me out of the house for awhile where we lived in Georgia.

My brother-in-law’s mom was able to get me a job at a restaurant called The Post House. Being that I had no experience, I only worked lunch shifts. Though it was something you could train a monkey to do, it was hard work. The restaurant didn’t want me working on a Saturday night because the idea was to clear tables and reset them as fast as we could so you could get as many people seated as possible. Everyone made more money that way. I was not very fast yet. But, one Saturday night, the regular busboy for that shift quit. After calling everyone else with no replies, they called me in as a last resort.

Nobody was home to give me a ride to work, so I asked a neighbor and friend, who was probably in his mid 30s. He was a friend to me, my sister, and just about the entire apartment complex where we lived. He even offered to pick me up when work was over, which would be extremely late. I said the attack happened on a Saturday night, but technically, it was a Sunday morning.

I was euphoric when the night ended. At 16, it was a huge personal accomplishment to be able to keep up, though it ran me ragged. The management, kitchen staff, and waitresses all complimented me and even shared their tips. Why I might have made twenty dollars that night. When the shift was over, I called the friend.

It’s funny that I can recall the apartment, what he said and what I replied with, but I can’t remember his name, and I don’t want to. It’s not a repressed memory but more of one I haven’t spent a lot of time thinking about.

The friend is someone who did creep me out. But, I kept going back to hang out at his apartment, usually with friends or my sister and her husband, Dana. I had bad vibes while liking the friend too, and I told myself I was being silly. But I did go back, but not after that night.

His apartment was always open for everyone to hang out, and my friends and I went there because he was generous with Coca-Cola, Hostess Ding Dongs (funny I remember that), and porn. He had a lot of porn. He had a VHS player which was a huge deal in 1982. Nobody had a VHS player in 1982, but he had one and a library of porn (I can even remember a few of the titles, which may not be so weird). And, he was very willing to let a bunch of teenage boys watch it all. And watch it all we did. Free soft drinks, snack cakes, and porn. He might as well have laid out a red carpet.

I don’t remember how long I hung out with him that night. I don’t think it was very long as I was tired. I wanted to unwind before I went to sleep, and I think after one Coke and Ding Dong I was ready to go home. I made it as far as the balcony before he stopped me. He lived on the second floor in one of the buildings of the complex. It was a U-shaped complex. He lived in the center and we lived on the left of it.

Just as I stepped on the balcony he asked me to wait. He was a big guy, obese even. He was easily 300 pounds, maybe 400. I might have weighed 75 totally wet. I was a very skinny kid. As I was trying to leave, he placed one hand on my rear and the other on my penis. He didn’t squeeze or grab, but there was pressure as he had a hold of me. That’s when he whispered. We were the only ones there and it had to be later than 2:00 AM. Maybe he was kind of afraid to ask for what he wanted, or he was being cautious or thought it was safer, I don’t know. But he leaned down (he was also taller than me) and whispered. He said, “Do you ever get it sucked?” I was frozen in fear. I was terrorized. I replied, “What?” even though I heard him clearly. I didn’t whisper. He repeated, “Do you ever get it sucked?” still whispering. I said, “No. I’m not into that,” which was kind of a weird term for me to use at that time and age because I don’t think I had ever said “I’m not into that” in my entire life. I thought later how it was a cool way to respond, and I wasn’t that cool. After I said, “I’m not into that,” he repeated what I said, “you’re not into that.” I said, “No. I’m not into that.” And then, he released his hands. I don’t remember what he said after that, and he may have apologized. He may have just said something about it not being a big deal. I don’t really recall. He might have felt bad about it. What I do recall is that I left so quickly from that second-story apartment that I didn’t take the stairs. No pun intended, I slid down a pole. There were poles that were holding up the sidewalk/balcony, and I just slid down it as it was right there and the stairs weren’t close at all. I just wanted out of there.

When I got home, my brother-in-law was still awake. I had left them a note about me working that night. He asked about that and if I got home OK. We talked for a few minutes while watching TV. He was probably smoking weed. But, I didn’t tell him what happened. I remember being afraid that he would notice how shaken I was. But, he didn’t that I’m aware of. But then again, he was a weed smoker. I kept thinking of the exact words in my exchange with the friend. “Do you ever get it sucked?” What?” “Do you ever get it sucked?” “I’m not into that.” You’re not into that?” Maybe because those words recycled over and over in my head is why I can’t remember what was said after.

I remember the sheer relief when he removed his hands from my butt and crotch because I didn’t know what was going to happen. I remember thinking, “How does my skinny ass fight this obese man off me?” Thankfully, it didn’t come to that. It was definitely a fear that didn’t go away when he removed his hands.

I never went back and I never told anyone. Funny thing, nobody asked me why I wasn’t going back. It’s like no one had noticed. I don’t remember how long after that, whether it was months or the next year, but my sister told me he had to move out after being accused of something with some other teenage boys. I still didn’t tell her about my experience. I was told a few years later that he had died. I’m assuming from natural causes.

Why didn’t I tell anyone about what happened to me? I was ashamed. I felt it was my fault for putting myself in that situation. I was afraid I wouldn’t be believed or that no one would think it was a big deal, or that he was joking. I was also embarrassed because I’m a guy and I was grabbed by another guy, though I was a kid and he was a full-grown man. That stuff didn’t happen to guys, only women. Right?

I didn’t have any witnesses. I can’t tell you the date. I can’t tell you what I wore. So when people question Blasey Ford’s memory, I think it’s ridiculous. Think of a party you went to five years ago and tell me the date. You probably can’t do that. You may not even remember the exact year. Though I don’t remember the date or even his name, I remember the location, what he said, and the night of the week. I remember my fear and trembling that lasted for hours.

Now, why would I make this story up? I don’t want to tell this story. I don’t even want to think about it. Do you believe me? You should, and you should believe her. Why would she make this up? Why would she lie and ask the FBI to investigate? How can someone listen to her and say, “Eh. I’m voting for him anyway.”

I asked myself if the guy who grabbed me was up for something like Kavanaugh is, would I come forward? Would it be a responsibility of mine? Would it be in the best interest of the country? I think it would. What Blasey Ford is doing is patriotic and she’s a hero. I’m just a kid who had his wiener grabbed in 1982.

I believe Dr. Christine Blasey Ford. I know she didn’t want to tell her story to the world, but she did and she did it for us. She was attacked by Brett Kavanaugh and Mark Judge watched. You should believe her too because she’s telling the truth.

Watch me draw.

Boofing


cjones10042018

Yesterday, I made a huge mistake. I referred to “boofing” as a sex term. Maybe it is and was for Brett Kavanaugh when he was a young man groping women in high school and college, but there’s a much more commonly accepted definition. We’ll get to that.

I don’t know what kind of parent you are, but if your child asks you, “what’s boofing?” you’re probably going to make something up. Maybe you won’t say it’s for flatulence, as Kavanaugh claimed, but maybe something even milder, like…Hell, I don’t know. What else could it mean?

When you intentionally give your child an incorrect answer to protect them, you’re assuming their mind isn’t developed enough to know Mom and Dad is full of it. When you answer this way to another adult, you’re assuming they’re stupid and if they know you’re lying, that they expect you to be stupid enough to believe it.

You probably wouldn’t do this with another adult, less enough a United States Senator. You would think the last person who would try to make that work would be a federal judge.

Brett Kavanaugh is hoping we’re stupid and that we think the same of him while we give him a lifetime appointment to the Supreme Court. It will be the first time the drunk choir boy defense won over an entire political party. This is what happens when a stupid person nominates another stupid person.

It’s bad enough that Kavanaugh channeled 4chan to defend himself by blaming people bitter over Donald Trump’s stolen election and Hillary Clinton supporters. It’s totally shucking responsibility by blaming the staff of the high school yearbook for all the dumb things about you, like the clubs you’re in.

But, you can’t expect a United States Senator to swallow obviously stupid and lying answers unless that Senator is a Republican, particularly Lindsey Graham.

No one in their right mind will believe “Devil’s Triangle” is a drinking game and not a sex term for two guys and one girl. It’s called “Devil’s Triangle” because of the danger it poses to heterosexual homophobic males that their penises might accidentally touch each other. Truly, the work of Satan. I only know this because I read and I’ve had conversations in bars. The name does not have any connotation to any danger posed to the female. I’m going to guess a guy came up with it.

The “Renate Alumni” is not the name of a group of guys who respect a girl named “Renate.” It’s used to describe Kavanaugh and each of his friends, including Mark Judge, who claimed they had slept with the same girl, who is named “Renate.”  There are 14 references to the woman, now named Renate Dolphin, in the Georgetown Prep yearbook from 1983. One of the “alumni” members even wrote the line, “You need a date / and it’s getting late / so don’t hesitate / to call Renate.” Respectful sounding, indeed.

This brings us back to boofing. In the same yearbook, “Beach Week Ralph Club-Biggest Contributor,” is applied to Kavanaugh. He claims he earned the distinction, not from vomiting from excessive drinking, but from his queasy stomach and spicy food. Sure, Delaware is known for tamales. Kavanaugh wrote in the yearbook to Mark Judge, the witness named by Dr. Christine Blasey Ford, “Judge—Have You Boofed Yet?” Kavanaugh told a Senator that it’s a reference to flatulence. Apparently, Judge didn’t just have a drinking problem, but he was extremely gassy. You’d think Mark Judge would testify against him just for that. I’d kick my best friend’s ass if he defended himself by telling the entire nation I was a farter.

So, the line, “have you boofed yet?” is supposed to be about farting” who would ask that? Or, is it about vomiting? Or, is it about sex? No. It’s worse. Much, much worse.

Kavanaugh admitted he liked beer and that there have been times when he had too much. He even deflected a couple of times by asking Senator Amy Klobuchar if she’s ever blacked out from drinking (that’s the same kind of respect he gave Renate), and Senator Sheldon Whitehouse if he likes beer, and he wanted to know “what he likes to drink.” That’s why you were there, Brett. To take drink orders from senators. Usually, people this defensive about drinking still have a drinking problem.

As he freely admits, Kavanaugh likes beer. After looking up the definition in Urban Dictionary, (don’t click that link) Oh my God, he really, really, reeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeally likes beer. My dad was a massive beer drinker and alcoholic to the day he died. He started and ended each day with a beer and went through a case daily, and I know he didn’t like beer this much. I have never heard of or thought of such a thing. Who would?

In case you didn’t click the link, I’ll put it this way; he likes beer to the point that he feels the need to administer it the way people administer hemorrhoids cream. Sounds like a good time, right?

Thankfully, Senator Jeff Flake was pressured to flake on Kavanaugh and demand an investigation into the charges against the alcoholic nominee of sexual harassment. The FBI, ordered by Trump, now has a week to look in on it. There were reports that they were attempting to interview people as early as late last night in California.

Hopefully, the information the FBI reports back keeps Kavanaugh off the Supreme Court and the Republicans in the United States Senate from giving us all a good boofing.

Your support in the form of donations is appreciated. I am fully independent as I’m not employed by a newspaper or with a major syndicate (leaving one to be independent). It does take a lot of work to provide you with cartoons, columns, and videos almost every day (more than any other political cartoonist), and I don’t charge my clients much at all. If you can, please consider making a financial contribution to keep the fun flowing, or purchase a signed print for $40. Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!!

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch me draw.

Nom Nom Make Boom Boom


cjones10032018

Supreme Court, accused sex offender, and chronic liar Brett Kavanaugh described yesterday’s hearing as a circus, which was an insult to circuses. Somewhere, there’s a pissed off clown. Bozo said, “Don’t drag me into this shit. Honk! Honk!”

Naturally, the hearing hasn’t changed many minds over who you believe. But, the one thing it did demonstrate is that even if he’s not a man who has had problems with alcohol and assaulting women, Brett Kavanaugh does not have the temperament, mind, independence, coherence, or personality to sit on the Supreme Court.

Kavanaugh, who is already a judge, dodged, ignored, and quibbled through questions while using the drunk choir boy defense. Sometimes, he threw questions back at Senators, such as after being asked if he ever drank to the point of blacking out.

He treated the Senators and public as though they’re stupid. When asked about writings on his calendar and yearbook, he gave definitions that were outright lies that only an idiot or a Republican could believe.

He explained that “boofing” was a reference for flatulence and not sex. He said the Renate Alumni wasn’t a club for guys who claimed they had “boofed” a girl named Renate, but a gang who held her in high respect. Being in the “Ralph club” wasn’t about vomiting from a lot of alcohol, but from a queasy stomach from spicy food. He explained that the “Devil’s Triangle” is not a sex reference with three people, as most people and the Urban Dictionary believes, but a drinking game with quarters. In fact, within minutes, someone from inside the capitol building changed the definition of “Devil’s Triangle” on Wikipedia, which can also explain Kavanaugh’s calendar from 1982.

I was a teenager in 1982 and I am not familiar with any of the definitions he gave. To be fair, I’m not an idiot or a Republican. As Rachel Maddow said (pert near) a few weeks ago, Republicans in charge of the government is a great example of why we don’t let dogs drive cars.

When pressed to call for an FBI investigation, Kavanaugh wouldn’t even answer and kept saying how much he wanted an immediate hearing, despite that these procedures are controlled by Republicans.

When asked by Senator Dick Durbin about his friend Mark Judge, and who Christine Blasey Ford says is a witness, and if the description of a character in his book, “Wasted Tales of a Teenage Drunk,” was him, Kavanaugh said Durbin would have to ask Judge. His answer highlighted the absurdity of the hearing as Durbin can’t ask Judge. The GOP won’t allow witnesses and Judge is currently hiding in a beach house in Delaware. How bad is it that he had to escape to Delaware? Is that why it took forever to find Wesley Snipes? Saddam and Bin Laden should have considered the state for a hiding space.

Dr. Blasey Ford was asked who paid for her polygraph test, which she has passed and Kavanaugh refuses to take (her lawyers paid for it) as if she created this entire story and ordeal to get a free polygraph test out of it. Maybe, someone should ask who’s paying for Mark Judge’s Delaware vacation.

Mark Judge had a letter delivered to the Senate denying any memory of the event (which isn’t a denial). The affidavit  is against the threat of perjury. I’m guessing risking perjury isn’t as great of a risk of being charged with sexual assault charges, where Maryland, the state where Blasey Ford says the assault took place, does not have a statute of limitations.

Blasey Ford was asked questions by a professional prosecutor who is a female. Orrin Hatch demonstrated the wise choice for the all-white Republican male membership on the committee not to ask the questions when describing her testimony; he stated that Blasey Ford is attractive. Shortly after the prosecutor started asking Kavanaugh questions, the GOP fired her on the spot and started asking questions themselves…or more or less, giving rhetorical speeches laced with fake outrage and condescension in defense of the nominee.

Kavanaugh was combative. He was a crier. He cried when he described how his father saved calendars. He claimed the accusations came from people trying to get revenge for the Clintons and upset over Donald Trump’s election victory. This shows he’s too partisan and conspiracy-minded for the court, even if he isn’t gropy.

Hillary Clinton testified before the Senate in 2016 for eleven hours and never cried or shouted once. If she had, she would have been described as “shrill,” “hysterical,” and lacking the temperament and disposition for the presidency. If Blasey Ford had acted that way, instead of slightly nervous, very descriptive, believable, credible, and intelligent, they would have used the same descriptions for her. I actually heard a few conservatives complain about the sound of her voice. Fox News fired contributor Kevin Jackson yesterday after he tweeted that Blasey Ford is a “lying skank.”

Lindsey Graham matched Kavanaugh’s histrionics yesterday and scolded the Democrats for bringing the accusation forward, which was actually made before Kavanaugh was nominated. Graham also promised to match the tactics he’s accusing the Democrats of, which is to bring false charges against their nominees in the future. Lindsey Graham chucked his principles with his old phone number that Trump gave out publicly.

Lindsey Graham does not belong on the Judiciary Committee or even in the United States Senate, just like Brett Kavanaugh doesn’t belong on the Supreme Court. The American Bar Association has rescinded their endorsement of him and is calling for an FBI investigation, which the Republicans will ignore and cram through a vote on the nominee.

Republican Senator John Kennedy asked Kavanaugh if he can swear to God that the accusations aren’t true, and he did.

Brett Kavanaugh can swear to God, but he can’t swear to the FBI. That’s because the FBI exists.

Your support in the form of donations is appreciated. I am fully independent as I’m not employed by a newspaper or with a major syndicate (leaving one to be independent). It does take a lot of work to provide you with cartoons, columns, and videos almost every day (more than any other political cartoonist), and I don’t charge my clients much at all. If you can, please consider making a financial contribution to keep the fun flowing, or purchase a signed print for $40. Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!!

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch me draw.