Arizona

Hunka-Hunka Recount


CNN05232021

Here’s your cartoon for this week’s CNN Opinion newsletter. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday. 

I did something really stupid the other day, but it worked out.

I sent a few ideas earlier than usual to my CNN editor last Friday. We can work pretty late, so when he called me at 9:00 A.M. to tell me he wanted us to go with one of the three ideas I had just sent, I was thrilled. That meant I could finish up early, go outside, skip, frolic, and play. But I talked him out of using that cartoon and I had to go back to writing ideas. It worked out for the best.

I got the Elvis idea. In fact, I had three Elvis ideas and this was my favorite, and I still finished early. Plus, I liked this cartoon a lot better than the one I talked him out of using. It’s a lot of fun to draw Elvis, aliens, and spaceships. I also had fun with the bumper stickers and banana sandwiches. The “Memphis” bumper sticker isn’t as much for Elvis as it is for one of my colleagues at CNN who is from Memphis.

And in case you’ve never had one, banana sandwiches are delicious.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have Three copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Swarming Arizona


Cjones05272021

A lot of stupid crazy shit goes down in Arizona. People look at the fake audit by a fake security firm owned by Republicans and say, “Only in Arizona.” I don’t think that’s fair. Sure, crazy shit happens in Arizona that wouldn’t happen in most other places…but it’s not fair to say, “Only in Arizona.” It’s not fair to Florida.

Florida was doing crazy recount shit before it was cool. Florida is old-school crazy. Back in 2000, Florida upheld the national election and only stopped recounting when the Supreme Court told them too, which made George W. Bush president. Don’t you remember hanging chads?

Arizona and Florida have reputations for not being the best of us. In the excellent TV show, “The Good Place,” the very stupid character, Jason, is from Jacksonville. Jason has quotes like, “Yo, you should listen to me. I came up with hundreds of plans in my life and only one of them got me killed,” and, “I’m telling you, Molotov cocktails work. Anytime I had a problem and I threw a Molotov cocktail, boom! Right away, I had a different problem.” After delivering one of his stupid comments, Eleanor says, “Are you from Florida?” Eleanor is from Arizona. She’s the one who’s most ethically-challenged.

Some of Eleanor’s best quotes are, “Anything she left in your apartment now legally belongs to you,” “Why do bad things always happen to mediocre people who are lying about their identities?”, “How dare she steal the identity I stole?”, “I was a good person for six months. That’s like five years” and, “Ya’ basic.”

But, Arizona…compared to Florida, ya’ basic. Florida has “Florida Man.” Florida has Matt Gaetz. Roger Stone moved to Florida. Donald Trump moved to Florida. Sure, Arizona has Arizona State, but Florida has Jacksonville. It’s said that people move to Florida to die, but they have to lose their minds along the way.

One thing crazy stupid-ass fucknut states have in common is that they typically vote Republican. Crazy, stupid-ass fucknut states were all ripe and fertile territory to become Kool-Aid-drinking Trump cult breeding grounds. Look at Alabama, Mississippi, West Virginia, Arkansas, South Carolina, and Missouri. These states are the least educated and the most dependent on government assistance. But Arizona and Georgia are two states moving away from that.

Arizona and Georgia are two red states that flipped from Trump to President Biden. Florida is a state that went for President Clinton twice, President Obama twice, then Donald Trump twice. Florida regressed. It elected racist Ron DeSantis its governor and his approval ratings are at 55 percent. This is a guy who signed a bill making it legal to run over black protesters. That’s not legal in Arizona.

Arizona is going blue. It now has two Democratic senators in addition to voting for Biden. But Republicans are not going without a fight. They’re doing a fake audit of Maricopa County, the largest county in the state.

A judge gave the Republican Party the right to a recount, but where the people counting are only Republicans. Florida is impressed. The firm conducting the recount is operated by members of the Trump cult and it has ZERO experience conducting recounts or having any business with elections. Oh yeah…the firm, Cyber Ninjas, is from…wait for it…yeah, you guessed it. Florida!

There are all sorts of conspiracy theories with the ballots. China had flown in tens of thousands of ballots to Maricopa County via a South Korean airplane to swing the election for Biden. Since China got involved, they’re scanning them for traces of bamboo (no word on soy sauce). Donald Trump tweeted that the entire Maricopa County voter database was deleted, which was a lie that forced the Republican official leading the Maricopa County Recorder’s Office to speak out.

Here’s a fact: All eight cases brought in Arizona state and federal courts alleging widespread fraud, inaccuracies, or irregularities lost big time. So, why is there a recount? Exactly! Why is there a recount?

Why has the recount been given to Republicans? Why has the recount been given to a “security” firm run by Trumplicans with no election experience, and whose CEO claimed the election was hacked by the deceased Hugo Chavez? Why are they refusing to allow the press to watch the recount? How come we don’t even know who’s paying for the audit? Could Florida have pulled this off? Give them time.

Republicans claim there was election fraud and the count was fake…so they’re doing a fraudulent recount. What’s next? The fuckers doing the fake recount are going to declare Donald Trump won Maricopa County. Remember, the election was over six months ago and it’s been certified by the state and Congress. Joe Biden is literally in the White House.

One of the people doing the count said, “I think Donald Trump won the election—firm believer. I hope we come to a point where we’re happy with the results and truth is told.” She sounds totally non-partisan to me. Another auditor, who was at the Trump-initiated MAGA terrorist attack on the Capitol Complex, is also on these ballots. In Arizona, it’s illegal to count ballots that have your name on them.

We know with this recount, three people are counting each ballot as they spin on a Lazy Susan (that’s like a turntable. I had to look that up). If one person disagrees with the other two, that person is ignored and they go with the result from the two. They don’t reexamine the ballot that’s probably still spinning on a turntable. Remember, all these fuckers are Trump goons.

Republicans think Maricopa County is a domino. After it falls for Trump, so will Arizona, then Georgia, then Pennsylvania, Michigan, Wisconsin, and Nevada. You have to be on the same level of crazy as Marjorie Taylor Greene to believe any of this nonsense, but it’s where Arizona finds itself.

Brood X is coming, but the cicadas are not coming to you if you’re in Arizona or Florida. The cicadas are smarter than Trump voters. They don’t want to go anywhere near Florida Man or Arizona Man. Their asses may be falling off, but they don’t want any business with Arizona and Florida.

After reading today’s cartoon, my proofer Laura told me, “It’s getting harder to satirize these people.” It’s been that way for five years plus. And seriously, how do I top scanning for bamboo?

Cicada note: This Washington Post piece about the cicada’s short life cycle is informative and fun.

Creative note: I started drawing this Saturday morning, but stopped when I got my Matt Gaetz inflatable girlfriend idea. I forgot I had recorded what I drew Saturday, and because I wasn’t paying attention, it was included in the video for the Gaetz cartoon. I don’t think anyone noticed.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: I have Three copies of my book in stock, which I’m selling for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 9103, Fredericksburg, VA 22403.

Watch me draw:

Political Family Feud


cjones09282018

A lot of us can relate to families torn apart by politics. We’ve always disagreed here and there, but with the arrival of Donald Trump, it’s like the people you’ve always known and loved have been replaced by racist pod people.

I have two siblings who are Trump supporters. I’ve disagreed with family on political issues and candidates in the past, but I’ve never seen one change their personalities. With Trump, it’s like you have to check in your brain, lose your mind, and start goose-stepping.

I have never seen one expression of racism from my two sisters, and now? They’re defending Nazis and chanting about building a wall. On top of that, they don’t see a conspiracy theory they don’t like. They share and believe them all. They have stopped checking facts and don’t care about accountability or dignity anymore. What happened to them?

Paul Gosar’s siblings are probably asking the same questions I have for the past two years. Six of his nine siblings have endorsed his opponent and appeared in a campaign ad for him. David Brill may not have much of a shot in a Gosar’s super-red Arizona district, but the majority of Gosar’s own siblings don’t want you to vote for him.

I totally understand. If one of my Trump sycophant sibs was running for dog catcher, I’d endorse their opponent. I’d tell people to vote for the dogs. My siblings are insane and so is Paul Gosar.

Gosar helped spread the conspiracy theory that Obama was born in Kenya. He also blamed George Soros for the violence that happened in Charlottesville. He didn’t blame Nazis. His siblings are right. Don’t vote for him.

Gosar said his brothers and sisters are disgruntled Hillary supporters. That doesn’t change the fact that the majority of the people who know him best believe he should not be in Congress.

Your support in the form of donations is appreciated. I am fully independent as I’m not employed by a newspaper or with a major syndicate (leaving one to be independent). It does take a lot of work to provide you with cartoons, columns, and videos almost every day (more than any other political cartoonist), and I don’t charge my clients much at all. If you can, please consider making a financial contribution to keep the fun flowing, or purchase a signed print for $40. Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!!

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch me draw.

Razing Arizona


cjones08252017

We have set the bar so low that after last night’s Trump rally, we’re overlooking one question that should be obvious: What the hell is Donald Trump doing campaigning for president?

During the airing of grievances at last night’s hate Festivus, Donald Trump portrayed himself as the one who has suffered the most from the White Supremacist rally in Charlottesville. Yeah, Heather Heyer was killed by a Nazi, but did you hear how the “fake news” slandered Trump?

Looking up from that low bar, Trump was praised for being presidential Monday night when he delivered his speech on Afghanistan. The low bar is that we have become accustomed to a president who delivers a speech at a third-grade reading level.

During Monday’s speech, Trump talked about hate and that we need to heal, or was it “heel?” He pivoted Tuesday at his rally in Arizona and told us that we need to continue with the hate.

Trump went into full snowflake mode and whined about how the media mistreated him over his comments on Charlottesville. He then read his first response to Charlottesville and selectively edited out the part where he said blame belonged to “many sides,” or when he said there were good people who march with guys who shout “blood and soil” and “Jew will not replace us.”

I always wondered what sort of person falls for the Nigerian prince email scams until I saw Trump supporters defending their guy on news talk shows. I know we’re not supposed to call them stupid, but if you’re still supporting Trump at this point, you’re a dumb-ass.

Trump has faith that his supporters will not watch the news and see that he revised history, and even misquoted himself. He’s correct. His supporters get most of their news from right-wing sources, like their friends’ memes on Facebook. These are the same idjits who spent two years answering “Mexico” each time Trump asked “who’s gonna pay for the wall?” Now, they don’t recall Mexico paying for the wall as any part of that proposal while Trump stands before them now, threatening to shut down the government if Congress refuses to give him the billions needed to build it.

Trump lies and his audience buys it. He even said the crowd of protesters outside the rally was small, trusting his base to believe his words and not their lying eyes (Great. Now I just put an Eagles song in my head).

Trump spent the majority of his 75-minute speech crying about his mistreatment by the media, bragging about crowd sizes, how he’s accomplished the most of any president, attack Arizona senators Jeff Flake and John McCain (never mind that the latter is fighting for his life against brain cancer), bragged that he went to “better schools” and lives “in a bigger, more beautiful apartment” than the “elite,” talked about ditching the North American Free Trade Agreement, referred to anti-racist protesters as “thugs, and accused the media of hating our country. Of course, he gave the same tired drivel about The “failing” New York Times, The “Amazon” Washington Post, and CNN.

Trump’s speech was preceded by four other speakers (like Pence and Ben Carson) who each vouched Trump wasn’t a racist. Trump apparently found that a challenge and let out the wolf whistle about “heritage” and then subtlety hinted that he will pardon racist and former Arizona sheriff Joe Arpaio. Well, about as subtle as Trump’s taste in decorating the Oval Office and his penthouse.

After his speech, former Director of National Intelligence James Clapper said it was frightening that Trump had the nuclear codes. Pundits were questioning his sanity with one wondering if he was suffering from early stages of dementia. Trump’s supporters defended him by pointing out that he gave speeches just like this throughout the 2016 presidential campaign. That’s not a good defense. Many of us thought he was losing his mind back then.

One small comfort to take from this rally is that Trump started to lose his crowd. They started conversations with each other while he was talking, stared at their cell phones, or left the building entirely. Hundreds of people flocked out of there like it was a Jacksonville Jaguars’ home game in the fourth quarter.

Trump’s base has been very loyal while the rest of the nation and even Republicans in Washington are bailing on him. Even with their loyalty, next time Trump might want to bring shiny objects to keep their attention.

Creative notes: I don’t even like this cartoon anymore. I started drawing around 3:00 A.M. and finished at 11:00 A.M. At this point, I never want to see it again.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Teaser3

Sheriff Underpants


copa10052015

This is a cartoon I drew for the Maricopa Monitor in Arizona.

Paul Babeu is a Republican sheriff of Pinal County, Arizona. He’s a hardliner against illegal immigration. He was also co-chair of Mitt Romney’s presidential campaign in Arizona. He recently announced his candidacy for Arizona’s 1st Congressional District. This is where it gets weird.

Babeu is gay, which is always weird for a Republican. Despite his stance and rhetoric about illegal immigrants, a male illegal immigrant claimed he and Babeu were lovers from 2006 to 2011. He also claims Babeu threatened to deport him if he exposed the affair. From this, the sheriff acquired the nickname “Sheriff Underpants.” He probably doesn’t like that.

I’m glad I’m out of his jurisdiction or else he might deport me for this cartoon.

I got an email Monday morning from the editor of the Monitor asking for a local cartoon and how quick could I turn it out. I told I’ve been able to do it within a day for clients in the past (I do it everyday for my syndicate). He then asked if I could do it within three hours, which was when he was going to press (stop the presses!). He said if I couldn’t come up with anything in that time span then he’d still want it for the next edition. I can’t guarantee I can always research, write, submit a rough, then draw and color a finished product within three hours, but I did yesterday. Actually I did it within two. However this cartoon kinda wrote itself.

Here’s the rough. I took his hat off because his bald head makes him look more identifiable. I also have him laying down because it was easier to get him in the sign around all the lettering. It also helped that the Burt Reynolds/Joe Namath pose made it funnier.

WP_20151005_001

 

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