Zombies

The Walking MAGAts


Cjones05212021

Today, supposedly, Congress will launch the National Commission to Investigate the January 6 Attack on the Capitol Complex Act at a hearing.

House Homeland Security Chairman Bennie G. Thompson and Rep. John Katko, the committee’s senior Republican have agreed to a bipartisan bill, supposedly, modeled after the commission that investigated 9/11, to investigate the attack on the United States Capitol by Donald Trump’s terrorists.

The commission will be made up of 10 supposed “outside experts” who will examine the facts and causes underlying the Jan. 6 attack and recommend corrective measures to secure the Capitol and our democratic institutions against domestic terrorism…supposedly.

The attack on the Capitol was a terrorist attack. This commission is supposedly bipartisan, but does that mean only four out of the 16 of the Republican members will recognize the terrorists as terrorists…and not protesters, patriots, or tourists as a lot of House Republicans have claimed they were?

Republicans are sitting inside the very same institution that Donald Trump’s terrorists attacked based on his election lie. The majority of these Republicans helped Trump push the lie he won the election and it was stolen from him. On the day of the terrorist attack 147 Republicans voted against certifying the election…only because they lost. They enabled the terrorists. Senator Josh Hawley went outside and gave them a fist bump. Republicans in the House removed the third-highest ranking member because she won’t push the lie. Her replacement says Donald Trump is the leader of their party, the same man who instigated a terrorist attack against her institution.

There are Republicans on the Homeland Security committee who are refusing to protect the homeland. Andrew Clyde said the terrorists were merely tourists, even though there’s a photo from January 6 showing him helping to barricade the door to the House floor so the “tourists” couldn’t break in.

Committee member Clay Higgins (Louisiana) has made claims of election fraud and voted against certifying the election.

Committee member Michael Guest (Mississippi) posed for photos with the terrorists before they made their attack. He too voted against certifying the election.

Member Dan Bishop (North Carolina) voted against certifying the election.

Jefferson Van Drew (New Jersey) voted against certifying the election.

Ralph Norman (South Carolina) also attempted to overturn the election.

Mariannette Miller-Meeks (Iowa) said no Republicans, including Trump, should be blamed for the Capitol attack until Democrats are blamed for violence that stemmed from Black Lives Matter and Antifa last summer. She also claimed no Democrat has condemned that violence.

Diana Harshbarger (Tennessee) tried to overturn the election.

Carlos Gimenez (Florida) voted against certifying the election.

Jake LaTurner (Kansas) had planned to vote against certifying the election, but a positive Covid-19 test forced him into quarantine.

Kat Cammack (Florida) voted against certifying the election and said on the House floor that the terrorist attack on the Capitol “furthermore resolved” her objection to the certification process.

August Pfluger (Texas) voted against certifying the election.

Michael McCaul voted to certify the election. Later, his district office in Texas was vandalized with “swamp traitor” spray-painted on a window.

Andrew Garbarino (New York) voted to certify the election and said, “Congress does not have the constitutional authority to overturn the election.

Peter Meijer (Michigan) voted to certify the election, recognized that Joe Biden won, and voted to impeach Donald Trump. Then, he had to stock up on body armor after receiving threats on his life from Republicans.

The ranking member, John Katko (New York) didn’t object to the election and voted to impeach Donald Trump for instigating the attack.

Twelve of the Republicans on the committee to investigate the terrorist attack that was instigated and propped by Trump’s lie that he won the election, believe in Trump’s lie that he won the election. Twelve of those on this committee oppose democracy and free elections. Twelve voted against the homeland and have sworn their devotion and loyalty to the man responsible for a terrorist attack against our country.

I don’t have faith in a bipartisan investigation when half the committee behind the investigation has already obstructed the investigation.

The House Homeland Security Committee was created in the wake of 9/11 to make this nation safer from terrorists attacks. Today, Republicans are using the committee to protect terrorists. Republicans support white nationalist terrorists.

I don’t expect Republicans to do the right thing with this investigation because Republicans don’t have brains.

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Trumplican Brains


cjones12152020

Which is worse? A zombie apocalypse or a Trump apocalypse? What if 70 million of us turned into zombies but the rest of us, the smart ones, were OK? That’s kinda what we have now except they’re not biting us…yet.

Over the weekend, there were several protests against democracy in cities as pro-Trump goons took to the streets in a national display of bellyaching and whining. That’s what these protests are, against democracy. The fact is, Joe Biden won the election. What these protesters want is overturn an election and give the office to the loser. Just in case you are a Republican, that’s NOT how democracy works. And while pro-Trump goons may not be biting us, violence broke out in several cities during these “protests.” Michigan’s capitol building is closed today because of pro-Trump goons. There have been a lot of problems with Trump goons in Michigan…where Biden won.

And, if you think Donald Trump won the election, you’re either stupid or just so dishonest that you would rather rely on fucknut sources, like Donald Trump, Qanon or shit you read on Parler, than actual news sources. Either way, you’re failing. The information is out there but you’re refusing to absorb it…which is a fault shared by many Republicans who hold elected office.

Republicans aren’t just stupid. They’re fucknuttery stupid. Don’t be like them. You may think, I’m good. I know Biden won…but I’m afraid of the coronavirus vaccine. Don’t be and don’t veer off into Conspiracy Crazy Land.

I think it’s fair to question the effectiveness and safety of the vaccine. It’s fair to point out that it was rushed and developed in a much shorter time than other vaccines, like the flu, which took about a decade to develop. There have been questions as to why the flu vaccine has about a 50% effectiveness when it’s been around since the 1940s, but testing is showing the vaccine to the coronavirus has about 95% efficacy.

First off, the flu keeps changing so the vaccine is also changed. What they’re shooting in arms today isn’t the same stuff they were using in 1945. Second, there is a 95% efficacy rate for the coronavirus vaccine, but that does not mean only 5 out of 100 who take it will catch the virus…or the vaccine won’t work on them.

Don’t be confused by “effectiveness” and “efficacy.” When you hear someone say the flu only has a 50% effectiveness rate, that’s not the same as “efficacy.” The difference is, “efficacy” is just a measurement made during a clinical trial. “Effectiveness” is how well the vaccine works out in the real world. We don’t know the effectiveness rate for the coronavirus vaccine. So, when people are questioning it, they don’t have the results to question yet.

How the coronavirus vaccine works depends on a lot of factors. One being on how many people take the vaccine. While Republicans talk about “herd immunity” by 70% of the population catching the virus with a lot of us dying from it, the best way to achieve herd immunity is if 70% of the population takes the vaccine. While the entire population won’t take it, hopefully enough do to cease the spread of the virus and eventually stop it. That’s the hope.

It’s reasonable to be cautious and to seek out all the information you can get about the vaccine. Do that. Don’t just take my word for it. Don’t trust my reporting on science. I’m just a cartoonist and I did poorly at science in high school. Read! But, don’t be a fucknut like Ben Garrison. Who?

Ben Garrison is a racist, anti-Semitic conspiracy-believing lunatic who is a propagandist masquerading as a political cartoonist. The guy was invited to Trump’s White House for a bullshit summit on the media, which was a racist wet dream come true for Garrison. Then…his world came crashing down as the White House, racist Donald Trump’s White House where Stephen Miller works and that once employed Steve Bannon and Sebastian Gorka, disinvited him because of his anti-Semitism. Then, he sued the Anti-Defamation League for labeling one of his cartoons anti-Semitic (no word on how that’s working out yet). And his defense that he’s not anti-Semitic is his claim that…wait for it…Jews are taking over the world. Last week, he did a cartoon with an Asian where he used the term, “Me love you long time.” Him racist long time. But he also drew a cartoon where among the 2,000 labels in it (he uses a lot of labels because he sucks), he claimed the vaccine to the coronavirus will give you cancer, sterilize you, give your kids autism, kill you, make you gay, and plant a tracking device inside of you.

OK. I made up the part about making you gay. If it turns you gay, you’ll be fine. If it turns you into a Trumper, I’m so sorry.

But seriously, this is insanity…and Garrison has over 230,000 followers on Twitter who are just as insane (to be fair, a lot of those followers may be people laughing at him for the wrong reasons). I have a little over 9,000 and I’m a real boy….I mean cartoonist. You can have concerns about the virus while not believing it’ll plant a chip inside you. The most absurd thing is, these people believing in the tracking device probably all have cell phones which do track you. Or at the very least, they’re complaining about tracking devices on social media. If you’re on Twitter, you made tracking easy.

There is a chance the vaccine will hurt you. You may have an adverse reaction if you have an allergy. It may make you sick. It may kill you. Those odds are very low and are about the same as any other vaccination. Do you know what has higher odds of killing you than the vaccine to the coronavirus? The coronavirus.

I may have the antibodies in me already, but I don’t know how long they will last. Science doesn’t know how long they’ll last. I will take the vaccine if it comes my way…which will probably be a while.

There is another way of knowing the vaccine is safe. If Dr. Anthony Fauci says it’s safe, take the damn vaccine. And if fucknuts are screaming it’ll plant a tracking device inside you, then you know it’s safe. Take the damn vaccine. It’s like facemasks and social distancing. The more who do it, the safer all of us will be. Take the damn vaccine.

After the election and Joe Biden’s administration is in charge of distributing the vaccine, I expect Donald Trump to tell you it’s not safe and he’ll retweet Nazis spreading conspiracy theories about it. Then, you will know it’s safe.

Take the damn vaccine.

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Brains


cjones03172020

Fabio Wajngarten is the press secretary for Brazilian right-wing President Jair Bolsonaro. Last weekend, he was at Mar-a-Lago grinning it up for a photo next to Donald Trump and Mike Pence all splendid looking in his “Make Brazil Great Again” hat (why don’t any of these lunatics think their countries are already great?). Yesterday, Fabio tested positive for the coronavirus.

And CNN just reported, Fabio got facetime with Ivanka, too, and no news agencies have reported this yet, but I’m pretty sure she has to kiss Jared occasionally. And we all know what Donald Trump wants to do with her.

This is at least the third person we know about who got facetime with Trump before discovering they had mingled with someone testing positive for coronavirus. In case you’re a Republican, testing positive is not good. If anything, you’re positively an idiot.

Trump rode on a plane with Congressman Doug Collins, who is now in self-quarantine. He shared the same air with idiot fratboy congressman Matt Gaetz who likes to wear a gas mask everywhere except where he can actually contract the virus. Last week, Donald Trump was at CPAC, a convention of conservative assholes that’s germier than Courtney Love in the men’s room at a bus station. Now, Donald Trump has actually hobnobbed with someone who tested positive which means he’ll never be in the same room with a brown person ever again.

But, Donald Trump isn’t worried that he may have coronavirus. Neither is Pence. Trump said, “We did nothing very unusual, we sat next to each other for a period of time.” Nothing unusual except sitting next to an infected person for a period of time. Stephanie Grisham, the White House press secretary who has yet to hold a press briefing, said, “Both the President and Vice President had almost no interactions with the individual who tested positive and do not require being tested at this time.” Really? Do you want to take Stephanie Grisham’s word that you don’t need to be tested? You might want to get a second opinion, and not from a sycophant. There was almost no interaction but they did manage to capture a photo of it.

She also said, “The White House Medical Unit and the United States Secret Service has been working closely with various agencies to ensure every precaution is taken to keep the First & Second Families, and all White House staff healthy.” Really? It doesn’t look like any precaution was being exercised in that photo. Case in point: Infected fucker allowed into Mar-a-Lago. Is this the same White House Medical Unit that says Trump is six feet two, only 240 lbs., and fit as a fiddle and could live up to the age of 200 (we might find out soon)? Is this the same Secret Service that let a Chinese national into Mar-a-Lago under the pretense of going for a swim, who was carrying four cellphones, a laptop, an external hard drive, and no swimsuit?

Usually, when someone comes into contact with Trump or breathes the same air, they’re the ones who will want to get tested. But Trump, unfortunately, is president of the United States (sic). He should be tested so he can be healthy and continue to make godawful decisions that destroy our nation’s economy. So, after coming into contact with an infected fucker, why isn’t he being tested? Why isn’t this man famous for being a germaphobe not insisting on getting a test? I have theories.

He’s afraid of finding out he’s got coronavirus. Maybe sheer denial will keep it away. If you don’t see a doctor then a doctor can’t tell you bad news. This explains why his hair and face look the way they do. He never saw a specialist who could tell him, “Oh my freaking god, you got an Oompa-Loompa head transplant!”

According to anonymous White House goons, Donald Trump is terrified he may have already caught the virus from one of the assorted infected fuckers he’s been hanging out with.

Another theory is, he thinks he’s invincible. He’s Donald Trump. He’s Superman. He’s an old decrepit son of a bitch who’s afraid of rain and stairs, but he’s a tough guy. Test? We don’t need no stinkin’ tests! One of his sycophants defended Trump on my YouTube page by saying, “He’s always sniffy.”

Theory number 3: He’s afraid if he’s tested, a source will leak it and his supporters, even if it’s not positive, will all be like, “Why would he get tested? He’s Donald Trump! He’s invincible. Only wimpy, socialist Democrats need to get tested.” If they find out Trump got a test, it’ll be like discovering he’s not good at negotiating, or his hair isn’t real, or that he’s overweight, or that he has to pay women to sleep with him, or that he’s told a lie or two, or he bankrupted a casino, or that his kids are idiots, or that he doesn’t know more than the generals, or that he used to be a Democrat, or that he wears more makeup than RuPaul, or he’s not actually a self-made billionaire, or…

Or, we go with theory number 4: Mike Pence just prayed it away. There’s a coronavirus force field surrounding Donald Trump placed there by God that also keeps out Mexican cooties. Unfortunately, it blurs reality and it makes you sniff a lot. I mean a LOT.

Theory number 5: He’s afraid if there’s a test that he’ll have to study.

Theory number 6 is probably the correct one: Donald Trump is an idiot with worms for brains who’s surrounded himself with idiotic sycophants and family (redundant?). He doesn’t know what he’s doing with anything and proving the case on a daily basis he shouldn’t be president.

I don’t wish for Donald Trump or Mike Pence to catch the coronavirus. I don’t wish that on anyone. But if he does catch it, it’s karma. This idiot has been talking hate for the past decade (longer really). He’s catered to the worst element among us. He campaigned on building a wall of hate, banning brown people from entering the nation, calling countries of people with a darker shade “shithole countries.” He holds hate rallies. He opens his doors to any hater willing to fawn over him. The Klan has held parades in his honor. He’s defended Nazis. He builds himself by promoting hate and fear and he props up those who do the same. He gave a Medal of Freedom to Rush Limbaugh. So when one of these evil, low-life, sick racist bastards breath a virus into his face, he kinda had it coming. Quite frankly, he may as well lick a stripper pole used by Stephen Miller.

And you have to appreciate the irony, that after screaming about banning brown people from “shithole countries,” this virus has him banning people from white countries unless their country has a Trump golf resort in it. Trump once asked, “Why can’t we get more people from Norway?” Today, he’s banned travel from Norway.

I’ve said before that if this was the zombie apocalypse, that the fuckers in charge of protecting us from it would all be zombies by now. But if they’re the zombies from Return of the Living Dead, then Donald Trump and everyone in his administration don’t have anything to worry about, because those zombies only eat brains.

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Flesh-Eating-Walking Corpse


cjones10142014

So far we’ve had two cases of Ebola diagnosed in the United States yet we’re having a national freak out. There seems to be a lot of confusion about how you can catch the virus and I’m not going to try to explain it just case down the road the information changes. I remember when AIDS first came out and NBA players thought they would catch it from an HIV positive player’s sweat.

While Ebola should be taken seriously it’s not worth a national panic. You’re probably not going to catch it unless you’ve been hanging out in Western Africa. You should check Yelp reviews before you do so.

There’s many more viruses that you have a higher risk of catching and dying from in the United States with the flu being one of them which killed 53,000 people in 2010. Enterovirus 68,which I read about two minutes ago, is one of them that fits into a class of viruses that includes hand-foot-and-mouth disease and polio. It’s a pretty new virus that developed around 1962. Every year it infects 10-15 million people and has recently killed children.

Whooping cough kills 20-30 people a year. There’s been 600 cases of Measles this year which is a disease that should be have been eliminated. There’s several more but I think you get the point.

I tend to do at least one zombie cartoon a year and I just find the “brains” quote funny. I’ve been a zombie fan since I caught the original Dawn Of The Dead on cable when I was a kid. Culture has caught up to me and dozens of zombie movies come out every year with most of them bearing major suckage. If Hollywood does to zombies what it did to vampires and werewolves (teenage vampires, werewolves, out during the day, no fangs, all weepy and in love, inducing viewer vomit unless you’re a teenage girl) then I’m going to start a riot.

I did like the Dawn Of The Dead remake and of course I’m a fan of the original Night Of The Living Dead. I really enjoyed Zombieland and of course Shaun Of The Dead was the most brilliant ever (I have a thing for weird British humor). I even liked the romance girl meets zombie Warm Bodies. It wasn’t great but it was fun. The Walking Dead is one of the few shows I’m addicted to and it seems to inspire my yearly zombie cartoon every October.

Back to Ebola (I’m not a professional writer so I tend to jump around): Republicans are trying as hard as possible to politicize it. These are the same guys who cut funding to health care, the CDC and then work as hard as possible to blame Obama, again, and incite a national panic. Do Republicans not own mirrors?