Womens Rights

Heifer Halftime Show

I’m old. I know less and less about pop culture the older I get even though I need a healthy enough knowledge of it for my work.

Let’s use Rihana as an example. I know who she is. I know she’s a singer with a great voice. I know the song “Shut Up and Drive” is hers because I heard it in “Wreck-It Ralph” which I’ve seen at least a dozen times. I like it. I also recognized a couple other of her tunes during her performance in the Superbowl Halftime Show. I didn’t know she had a baby or that she had taken several years off. Don’t ask me who ASAP Rocky is. I’m old and white.

First off, girl…how can you perform levitated in the air while pregnant? I can’t even climb a ladder without getting violent shakes.

So, I was watching the Super Bowl down the street from my apartment at a local bar which unfortunately closes at 9 P.M. every Sunday, Super Bowl Sunday be damned, which meant I had to leave near the end of the third quarter and race home in time to catch that shitty ending. Great game, shitty ending thanks to the refs. But, I digress.

During Rihanna’s performances, I noticed the bulge. The girl next to me whose boyfriend didn’t appreciate me talking to her until 9 P.M. said it was Rihanna’s post-baby bump. I didn’t even know Rihanna had a baby, but I thought it was really cool that she wasn’t hiding it. I found out later that it’s NOT a post-baby bump but a pregnancy…her second. And, this was a pregnancy reveal. I should call that girl to make sure she knows since I got her number. Anyways…

You know what? I think Rihanna is a badass. She performed the Super Bowl Halftime show on a levitating platform that was high enough to collide with Chinese spy balloons, she kicked ass, she exhibited confidence throughout, and she used the Super Bowl Halftime show for a pregnancy reveal. To everyone who watched her performance who said, “Meh,” go screw yourself. You get your ass up there on that platform and pull it off as well as Rihanna.

And, yes. There were critics. Not surprisingly, they’re old and white too.

Donald Trump “truthed,” “EPIC FAIL: Rihanna gave, without question, the single worst Halftime Show in Super Bowl history — This after insulting far more than half of our Nation, which is already in serious DECLINE, with her foul and insulting language. Also, so much for her “Stylist!”

Keep in mind that the entertainment at his inauguration was Three Doors Down while the parade consisted of tractors and bagpipes. Also, keep in mind that Donald Trump has insulted at least half of our nation.

Ronny Jackson, a Republican congressman from Texas who’s literally been up Trump’s ass, was upset even before her performance accusing her of making “a career of spewing degenerate filth while badmouthing America every chance she gets.” He asked, “Why is the NFL showcasing this crap? Rihanna SHOULD NOT be the halftime performer!!” 

How are Republican congressmen supposed to be fixing the border, economy, inflation, and everything else they howled about if they’re too busy fixated on Rihanna and the Super Bowl halftime show?

I don’t know what Rihanna said that “badmouthed” America, but maybe he was referencing the time she tweeted, “Fuck Trump,” or that time she said Trump is the “most mentally ill man in America.” Well, shit. I’ve said worse… much much worse about the pussy grabbing grifting bleached tangerine shitweasel with shit for brains.

Maybe Ronny “Fingers” Jackson was referencing the time Rihanna rejected the NFL’s invitation to play the Super Bowl Halftime show, citing solidarity with Colin Kaepernick and his protests for racial justice.

Other conservatives, like Ted Cruz, were too busy being outraged and flabbergasted from seeing Satan at the Grammys. He’s never had deviled ham in his life.

But just as conservatives are trying to force women to be birthing factories,and be barefoot in the kitchen, Rihanna’s doing the Super Bowl Halftime show. Maybe now they’ll try to outlaw pregnant women from showing pregnant belly bumps during football games.

What they should do is pass a law that bars can’t close during the Super Bowl.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

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Invaded By Oz

The most troubling thing that came out of the John Fetterman/Mehmet Oz debate for me wasn’t Fetterman’s struggle to express himself after his stroke. No, the most troubling was Mehmet Oz saying the quiet part out loud.

Oz said the federal government should stay out of abortion and it should be between a woman, her doctor…and her local politician. First off, the Supreme Court is one of the three branches of the federal government, but if elected, Dr. Oz wouldn’t be the first Republican senator not to know that. They think it’s the House, Senate, and church.

As Trevor Noah pointed out about Oz’s statement, “He started that sentence like he was on the side of women, then he snuck in the politicians at the end like a teenager buying condoms at the gas station.”

Dr. Oz desperately wants to be the next United States senator representing Pennsylvania. He wants it so bad that he’s considering actually moving to Pennsylvania. And he also wants to desperately join with Republicans in the federal government and enact a national ban on abortion. What? He didn’t say that? That’s because he’s a Republican and they’re all liars.

Dr. Oz built his fortune on selling quack medications and snake oil. It’s how he can afford ten homes, mostly mansions, with one of them being a recent purchase in Pennsylvania which is being remodeled and vacant. But being a lying ignoring snake oil salesman makes him an ideal candidate for the Republican Party. They loves them some conmen.

Stephen Colbert said, “No one should have to discuss health care with their local political leaders. Especially if you live in one of those really small towns where the local mayor is a dog. ‘Making this decision was ruff. But I believe life begins at…squirrel!”‘

I have to disagree with Colbert. Discussing your health care with a dog is much safer and more rational than talking about it with a Republican.

Creative note: I wrote this cartoon last Thursday and put it on the shelf. I didn’t give it a lot of consideration until this morning. I’m in Washington, DC. I was invited to attend a seminar at The Washington Post (not because I’m a famous and important cartoonist, but because I’m a subscriber and they probably pulled my name out of a hat. There were bagels and yogurt. Nice). I only attended half the seminar as I wanted to get to work on my cartoon, though I wasn’t sure what I was going to do. Sitting at my favorite coffee shop in Washington (SoHo Tea and Coffee on the corner of P and 22nd. Check it out), I went through a few of the roughs I’ve drawn over the past few days, and seeing this with fresh eyes made me laugh. Proofer Laura said it was “disturbing.” That’s exactly what I was going for.

Music note: I listened to The Beatles through my Air Pods, though the coffee shop is playing music. But the stuff they’re playing is the “Old Town Road” song and that song about huge butts by Meghan Trainor, “All About That Bass” or something. It’s truly dreadful stuff.

Signed prints: The signed prints are just $40.00 each. Every cartoon on this site is available. You can pay through PayPal. If you don’t like PayPal, you can snail mail it to Clay Jones, P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402. I can mail the prints directly to you or if you’re purchasing as a gift, directly to the person you’re gifting.

Notes on my book, Tales From The Trumpster Fire: There are 19 copies of my book in stock, which go for $45.00 each, signed. Also, I have copies of my first book from 1997, Knee-Deep in Mississippi available for $20.00.

Tip Jar: if you want to support the cartoonist, please send a donation through PayPal to clayjonz@gmail.com. You can also snail it to P.O. Box 3721, Fredericksburg, VA 22402.

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Briefed By Ivanka

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Saudi Arabia is one of the worst places in the world to be a woman. Women can’t drive, vote, ask for a divorce, or even be seen in public without being in the company of a man. It’s like every woman in the nation is married to Mike Pence.

The United Nations has placed Saudi Arabia on the Women’s Rights Commission which made a lot of people say “you put who where now?”. The Arab kingdom mandates discrimination against women. How does it make any sense to put them on a commission for women’s rights? That would be like putting Iran on that commission except they’ve already done that.

Maybe there is a method to the madness. Perhaps putting these horrible regimes on a commission with nations that do not require women to conceal their faces can be an influence. Perhaps they’ll see how the modern world treats people and just how ass backwards they are.

Did German Chancellor Angela Merkel apply the same method in inviting Donald Trump’s daughter, Ivanka, to a women’s empowerment panel in Berlin? The other women on the panel were International Monetary Fund director Christine Lagarde, and Canadian Foreign Minister Chrystia Freeland. Merkel, Lagarde, and Freeland were on the panel because of their accomplishments and the fact that they’re world leaders. None of the three achieved their accomplishments through nepotism. Those leaders have earned their place. Ivanka was born into hers.

The moderator asked Ivanka who she was representing, President Trump, the American people, or her own business interests. What she should have been asked was: What qualifies you for a job in the White House? What is it that you actually do in dad’s administration? What the Hell are you doing on this panel?

Ivanka dismisses the media’s coverage of her father’s bigotry and callousness toward women. She blames the media. She doesn’t blame the man who bragged on a bus about grabbing vaginas and moving on a woman “like a bitch.” She doesn’t blame the man who told a contestant on his reality show that it would be a pretty sight to see her on her knees. She doesn’t blame the man who has called Rosie O’Donnell a pig and said that Megyn Kelly had “blood in her eyes” and “blood coming out of her wherever.” She doesn’t blame the guy who looked at a child and said “I’ll be dating her in ten years.” She doesn’t blame the guy who once said that if Ivanka wasn’t his daughter, he’d be dating her.

Instead she talks about how daddy is great toward women because he promoted her in his business. If only every woman in America was Donald Trump’s daughter. The only bad part of that would be that he’d want to date them and he’d go on a talk show while they’re infants and speculate on how large their breasts will become.

Ivanka says her dad is in favor of a paid-family-leave plan. So when’s he going to push that through Congress? Where was her influence when he was trying to cut funding to Planned Parenthood?

Where was Ivanka’s influence when Trump hosted the House Freedom Caucus to discuss healthcare, including those that affect women’s health benefits, and there were no women present? Sure, Ivanka shows up if she can sit next to Merkel or Justin Trudeau.

Where was Ivanka’s influence when Trump chose his nearly-all-male and white cabinet? Was it the dressing in drag skit that kept Giuliani out of the administration?

Perhaps Ivanka was too focused on her brand, where the bulk of it is made in Africa and Asia, mostly by women who are paid chump change. According to The Washington Post, workers in a factory in China, which holds an exclusive license to produce Ivanka Trump crap, works their workers 60 hours a week for a salary of $62.

So no. Ivanka does not belong on a panel discussing empowering women anymore than Saudi Arabia belongs on a commission for women’s rights. She’s empowered herself. She’s a billion-dollar princess who, like her brothers, got where she is through birth. Now they’re bringing their nepotism and conflicts of interest to our government as if we are a monarchy.

Saudi Arabia on a women’s right’s panel, and Ivanka in a women empowerment discussion with women who are actually accomplished is confusing. It’s as confusing as the fact that more women voted for Donald Trump than Hillary Clinton.

C’mon, ladies. Help yourselves out here.

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