William Barr

Once, Twice, Three Times a Trump Voter


cjones09062020

Guess what. In the future, when nominees for the United States Attorney General are going through their Senate confirmation hearings, they will have to be asked if they’re aware voting twice is illegal.

No, seriously. This is another thing the Trump era has fucked up. William Barr, Donald Trump’s favorite Droopy-lookalike saggy jowl toad, said he was unaware if voting twice was illegal.

The background? Yesterday, while talking to fucknuts in North Carolina, Donald Trump encouraged his followers to vote twice. You know, cheat. Break the wall. Crap all over our Democratic institution.

For months, Donald Trump has been spreading fear about mail-in voting. He and Republicans keep telling us it’s impossible to conduct mail-in voting without fraud, unless of course it’s in a Republican state. Seriously. They also claim the Post Office can’t handle the millions of ballots.

The truth: There has been no widespread fraud in mail-in voting. And, with each example Republicans present, it’s an example of someone being caught. And, the Post Office can handle the millions of mail-in ballots. How do I know this? Because they do about five times that many every Christmas. From Thanksgiving to January 1, the Post Office handles over 800 millions packages. There are only 153 million voters in this country…unless of course, everybody’s voting twice.

Donald Trump said people in North Carolina, a state he’s in danger of losing, should try to vote twice. He said, “Let them send it in and let them go vote, and if their system’s as good as they say it is, then obviously they won’t be able to vote. If it isn’t tabulated, they’ll be able to vote.”

He summed up, “That’s the way it is. And that’s what they should do.” And if they do that, they will go to jail.

When asked by CNN’s Wolf Blitzer, William Barr, being Donald Trump’s toad, said, “I don’t know what the law in the particular state says, and when that vote becomes final.” The law in that particular state, and every particular state, says it’s illegal.

Wolf asked, “”Is there any state in which you can vote twice?”

Barr said, “Maybe you can change your vote up to a particular time, I don’t know what the law is.” Seriously? You don’t know what the law is? I’m just a goofball cartoonist but I know what the law is. Voting twice is illegal. Prove me wrong.

Here’s a fun fact, if you try to vote twice, you will lose all your voting rights. Let me dumb it down for Trumplicans: In the future, you won’t even be able to vote once.

Congressman Ted Lieu tweeted, “Dear anyone at the Justice Department: Can you please educate Bill Barr that it is illegal to vote twice. And it’s really, really easy to get caught since you are giving the evidence directly to the state.” I’ll add to that with a, “D’uh!”

It’s shameful that someone who has been Attorney General….TWICE (maybe that should be illegal)…has to play dumb for Donald Trump. It’s like those preachers saying they don’t know if fornicating outside your marriage is considered a sin in the Bible.

But then again, maybe William Barr was having a mini stroke.

I have a prediction. In this election, there will be multiple cases of voter fraud. AND…the majority of them will be overwhelmingly Republicans. How do I know this? These idiots drink fish tank cleaner and bleach when Donald Trump mentions it. Yeah, a bunch of these idiots will be trying to vote twice. It’s as easy to predict as it was that a bunch of biker goons would peddle out of Sturgis spreading Covid-19.

The other thing is…Donald Trump is only against voter fraud when he’s not endorsing it.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first. But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box.

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A Mythical A.G.


cjones08012020

The thing that annoys me most about Republicans who have joined the Trump cult is they don’t have principles. They’re all about reduced government spending until Donald Trump runs up the national debt. They’re all about patriotism until Donald Trump insults veterans and allows Putin to place bounties on soldiers’ lives. They used to be about family values until Mr. five-kids-with-three-wives-pussy-grabber came along. They can’t find a principled position to take a stand on. Today, the sycophantic Qanon conspiracy theorists for Trump warns us all about the deep state lizard people, but if Donald Trump appointed a few lizard people to his administration, they’d all be like, “Thank you, President (sic) Trump, for the lizard people.”

And who says Donald Trump hasn’t appointed lizard people? They were all about draining the swamp but didn’t protest against him appointing campaign contributors to ambassadorships. They didn’t protest his cabinet members gifting themselves at our expense. They don’t protest Trump enriching himself on our dime. They don’t protest foreign diplomats staying at Trump hotels. They don’t protest Trump charging the Secret Service for golf cart rentals. Hell, they were even against a president playing golf until Donald Trump spent over $300 million of our money on his golf trips.

Maybe Donald Trump’s deep state lizard person is Attorney General William Barr. Trump sycophants worry about fictional corruption, like Hillary Clinton personally selling our uranium supply to Russia, but they ignore the Attorney General being Donald Trump’s personal goon who has transformed the Justice Department into the Donald Trump Personal Protection and Racketeering Agency.

While testifying before Congress and declaring he wasn’t Donald Trump’s personal poodle installed only to be his Roy Cohn, William Barr repeated several bullshit Trumpian talking points.

William Barr used the Donald Trump talking point that cops kill more white people than black people. There are more white people in the nation than black people. Statistically, cops kill more blacks. William Barr went to college. He has a law degree. He’s smart enough to know the talking point he crapped out of his mouth was pure and total grade-A racist bullshit.

Barr claimed President Obama spied on Donald Trump’s 2016 presidential campaign. No, Obama did not. The FBI tracked a couple of suspected Russian spies who worked for the Trump campaign. That is not spying. If tracking on suspected Russian spies was spying on the Trump campaign, then what does that make the Trump campaign? It’s hard to say you’re not Trump’s personal attorney when your Justice Department, like Donald Trump, is more concerned about the well being of Russian spies than about the people investigating said spies.

William Barr repeated Donald Trump’s accusation that President Obama didn’t restock the nation’s stockpile of PPE, ignoring the fact Donald Trump has been president for over three years. After spending three years staring at your own empty closet, you can’t blame its emptiness on the guy who owned it before you. Again, it’s been three years. Are the salt shakers empty in the White House cafeteria? Are you going to blame Obama for that?

William Barr carried out Trump’s talking point that all Black Lives Matter protesters are violent which is why unidentified secret police are needed to invade American cities and teargas and hit Vietnam veterans and mothers over the heads with billy clubs.

William Barr repeated Trump’s claim he had “no responsibility” for testing failures which extend to Trump having no fault for the lack of any national plan to confront the virus or any blame for the death of over 150,000 Americans.

William Barr carried on the Trump talking point that mail-in voting was ripe for voter fraud…despite the fact he and Trump have both voted through that method.

Barr claimed the clearing of protesters with tear gas and goons on horses in front of the White House and Trump’s visit minutes later through the clearing to visit St. John’s church on June 1 were totally unrelated.

Finally, William Barr said “Antifa” about 98 times during the hearing. Here’s a fact for you: There is no such organization called “Antifa.”

Quite frankly, I’m shocked William Barr didn’t make a pitch to host the G7 at Doral and the British Open at Trump Turdberry.

William Barr can’t defend himself.  The only legal cases he’s personally interjected himself into are those that concern Donald Trump’s goons.

He’s fired U.S. Attorneys investigating Donald Trump’s friends. He overruled his own department’s prosecutors and has asked a court to drop all charges against Michael Flynn (who’s probably a Russian spy). He recommended a sentence reduction for Trump goon Roger Stone before Donald Trump commuted his sentence.

During the hearing, Representative Eric Swalwell reminded Barr that during his confirmation, he said it would be a crime for a president to issue a pardon in exchange for the recipient’s promise to not incriminate him. When asked why he wasn’t investigating Donald Trump for issuing a commutation of his personal goon Roger Stone’s prison sentence, which was granted after Stone didn’t turn on Trump and even bragged that he lied to protect Donald Trump, William fucking Barr said, “Why should I?”. Because you’re the fucking Attorney General, asshole, and Roger Stone told you explicitly he broke the law to protect Donald Trump who then saved him from going to prison.

It was pointed out Barr has never personally intervened in a case involving someone who’s not a Trump goon. He’s never sought to throw out a sentence or have one reduced for anyone who’s not a GOT, Goon of Trump’s. He also pleaded ignorance to knowing any details about why Michael Cohen was sent back to prison for refusing to agree not to talk to the media or write a book on Donald Trump.

William Barr is a Trump goon. He also denied systemic racism exists in America’s police departments. How about the Justice Department? Representative Cedric Richmond pointed out that when Barr came to the hearing, he brought his top staff which didn’t include any black people. Richmond pointed out that’s systemic racism. At the start of the hearing, Barr paid his respects to civil rights icon John Lewis. Richmond told Barr, “You really should keep the name of the Honorable John Lewis out of the Department of Justice’s mouth.” Later, Senator Kamala Harris said, “Bill Barr hasn’t lifted a finger as Attorney General to protect voting rights in America. He has no business speaking John Lewis’s name.”

Even when he was asked if it would be “appropriate for a president to solicit assistance” from a foreign government during an election,” Barr said, “It depends on what kind of assistance” before backtracking and saying no. You know what kind of assistance. The illegal kind. That’s the only kind of foreign assistance to a presidential campaign. I’m not even a lawyer and I know that. Another thing I know that the Attorney General of the United Freaking States doesn’t is that a president canNOT move an election date.

It’s hard to declare your independence from Donald Trump when you repeat Donald Trump’s lying talking points and act as his fat human shield. William Barr is a liar and a Trump goon. He’s as corrupt as Donald Trump.

Quite frankly, we’d be safer with the lizard people.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performer busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

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Back To Normal


cjones05132020

In 2009, President Barack Obama expressed his opinion about an arrest in Cambridge, Massachusetts. Republicans howled that the President of the United States shouldn’t stick his nose into situations like this and should just let the legal system play it out. How dare he.

What happened in Cambridge was the arrest of a college professor trying to get into a house. It was his house. He also happens to be black.

Back when an American president spoke honestly and with clarity, President Obama said, “I don’t know, not having been there and not seeing all the facts, what role race played in that. But I think it’s fair to say, number one, any of us would be pretty angry; number two, that the Cambridge police acted stupidly in arresting somebody when there was already proof that they were in their own home, and, number three, what I think we know separate and apart from this incident is that there’s a long history in this country of African Americans and Latinos being stopped by law enforcement disproportionately.”

In 2012, after 17-year-old Trayvon Martin was killed by a wannabe Rambo for walking outside at night while being black and wearing a hoodie, President Obama said, “If I had a son, he would look like Trayvon.” Guess who got upset over that comment? White Republicans.

But you know what Obama never did? He never called the arresting officers or prosecutors “scum.”

Donald Trump, who unfortunately is the President (sic) of the United States, called the FBI officers involved in the Michael Flynn case, “human scum.” He also accused them of treason for pressing charges against a guy who was violating the Logan Act and attempted to thwart American foreign policy with a hostile nation that had just attacked our election. Michael Flynn was secretly talking to the Russian ambassador during the transition period between presidents. He was manipulating U.S. foreign policy. Then, he lied about it.

Are conservatives screaming for Trump to stay out of the case? Are they upset he called law enforcement “human scum?” These questions are rhetorical.

Michael Flynn is guilty. Like I wrote before, don’t take my word that he’s guilty. Take his. He pleaded guilty twice.

Two white men can kill a black man in Georgia, and not be charged until a video of the incident goes viral. The current president (sic) doesn’t have any comment on that but he has plenty to about the injustice being leveled at one of his treasonous goons. He said so much that his other goon, the Attorney General, drops all charges against the first goon who, let me remind you again, pleaded guilty twice.

With this pandemic, everyone wants the nation to get back to normal. For the two different justice systems we have in this nation, one for whites and one for blacks…it’s already there. In fact, it never changed.

Yesterday, Donald Trump called someone to crow about the Justice Department dropping charges against Flynn. He told the person on the other end of the phone call, “I wouldn’t be surprised if you see a lot of things happen over the next number of weeks.”

Who was Donald Trump talking to? Vladimir Putin.

Welcome to the new normal.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

In Like Flynn


cjones05122020

The Trump administration is all about bad examples, corruption, and hypocrisy (we’ll ignore the racism and stupidity for now).

According to inside sources, Donald Trump got “lava level mad” over his exposure to the coronavirus as one of his Naval valets has tested positive for the coronavirus.

The valet performs chores that bring him close to the president (sic), such as shining his shoes, laying out his clothes, and bringing him diet Cokes and hamberders. Donald Trump said he had not been around this particular individual a lot but that doesn’t matter if he’s handling and eating what the valet has touched and breathed on. That’s kinda like thinking you can’t catch it from someone if you don’t know them that well, which was Trump’s argument after a person in a photo with him tested positive shortly after the photo was taken.

Someone is not paying a lot of attention to the briefings from the task force he nearly disbanded.

A person close to the White House told NBC News Trump “became ‘lava level mad’ at his staff and said he doesn’t feel they are doing all they can to protect him from the virus.”

Donald Trump has yet to be seen in a mask. For nearly 40 days straight, he conducted daily briefings in close proximity with other human beings while they all shared a mic. He has even visited a mask factory this week without wearing a mask. He’s said wearing a make is something he “doesn’t see for himself” as it would be undignified while hosting dictators in the Oval Office. Donald Trump is afraid that being seen in a mask will hurt his efforts to reopen the nation, confuse the ignorant Trump cultists he’s encouraged to “liberate” blue states, make him look weak, and be used against him in negative campaign ads. This from a guy whose face is already a negative.

Because of Trump’s attitude toward wearing a mask, nobody around him wears a mask. When Mike Pence visited the Mayo Clinic, he refused to wear a mask.

Trump has presented a very loud message that masks and social distancing are not necessary around him because he’s a tough guy. So, hardly anyone in the White House wears masks or social distances. And now, he’s “lava level mad” that he’s been exposed to the coronavirus?

Boris Johnson, Prince Charles, Prince Albert of Monaco, the Prime Minister of Russia, the wives of Canada and Spain’s leaders, a high number of leadership officials throughout the world, and Senator Rand Paul have all tested positive for the coronavirus. Several people who have been close to Trump at Mar-a-Lago and the White House have tested positive or been close to others who have. It’s kinda amazing Donald Trump hasn’t caught it and that the White House isn’t a petri dish full of the virus.

Now (get ready for more hypocrisy), while the administration argues it’s not necessary to test every American and it’s not even important to ramp up testing to reopen the nation, Donald Trump and Mike Pence will be tested for the virus daily. In case you’re a Republican, daily means every day.

Since Trump does need a new valet and they’re usually military personnel, why doesn’t he give former National Security Adviser Michael Flynn the job?

Donald Trump is not good at taking advice, from Dr. Anthony Fauci suggesting we all wear masks and practice social distancing to President Obama advising him not to hire Putin poodle Michael Flynn.

Flynn, who was just not exonerated by William Barr’s corruption, is someone Donald Trump said could possibly return to the White House after pleading guilty TWICE for lying to the FBI about his conversations with Russians during the transition period.

It’s a crime to lie to the FBI and that’s what Michael Flynn did. He was close to the president, working in the White House, and lying about contacts with Russia, a nation hostile to the United States and from which Flynn had taken payment (and also lied about) in the recent past. Flynn is guilty. Don’t take my word for it. Take Michael Flynn’s word for it. He pleaded guilty twice.

And why was he being investigated? Because he was undermining our nation’s national security policy. President Obama slapped heavy sanctions on Russia after their interference in the election. Flynn contacted them to tell them not to worry about it and to hold off on reprisals with their own sanctions. Help in the form of a corrupt Trump presidency was coming.

Attorney General William Barr intervened in the Roger Stone case by lowering the prison sentence recommendation for that particular Trump goon. All four Justice Department prosecutors in the Stone case resigned and over 2,000 former Justice Department officials signed a letter calling for Barr’s resignation.

Now, the Justice Department is dropping all charges against Flynn after years of Donald Trump tweeting about the “horrible treatment” the former three-star general has received. Donald Trump likes to stick up for traitors, probably because he’s one himself.

Barr brought in outside investigators whose sole mission was to find fault with the FBI’s investigation. Now, in regards to Michael Flynn pleading guilty twice, Barr said, “people sometimes plead to things that turn out not to be crimes.” The Attorney General doesn’t know it’s a crime to lie to the FBI? And why is the Attorney General talking like he’s Michael Flynn’s defense lawyer?

The message here is: Trump goons don’t have to worry about the rule of law. While career professionals from the Justice Department will go after their lawbreaking, the top goon of the department will attempt to save the bad guys. All the convicted goons will receive pardons after November anyway, whether Trump wins or not. These are corrupt people, from Trump to Barr to Flynn to Manafort to Stone to Giuliani to the coffee boy.

When Donald Trump issues directives, William Barr follows them, from lying about the Mueller Report while concealing it, defending Roger Stone, to dropping charges against Flynn. It’s not the valet who should be social distancing from Donald Trump, it’s the Attorney General.

But, it is hard to social distance when you’re crawling up someone’s ass.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

Watch me draw.

Smackdown For MAGAts


cjones02242020

Spoiler alert: Professional wrestling is fake. Another spoiler alert: So is Donald Trump and his entire administration.

When I was a kid, my friends and I actually had debates over whether professional wrestling was real. Even if you were on the side of it being real, you still knew it was fake. Today, it seems professional wrestling fans are totally in on it, but they still enjoy the “sport. OK, like NASCAR, it’s not a sport, so it totally makes sense that Donald Trump made an appearance at one of their events yesterday.

But Trump fans are less sophisticated than wrestling fans. They don’t know Donald Trump is fake. They think the guy is an actual billionaire. They think he’s donating his entire presidential salary without getting anything in return (Psst, emoluments, fuckers). They think he’s a great negotiator. They think he’s smart. They think he knows stuff. They don’t think he’s an idiot, or a racist, or a sexist, or a narcissistic shitstain in our nation’s history. Most of all, they actually believe Donald Trump cares and can relate to them.

A few months ago, my ex-girlfriend asked me if I knew wrestling was big right now. I did not know that but it totally makes sense. I mean, if Donald Trump can fool enough people to steal a presidential election, then there’s gotta be a lot of people watching wrestling.

And it’s appropriate to compare Donald Trump to wrestling because he has a relationship with wrestling, which was probably more real to him than his reality show. Donald Trump worked a program with the World Wrestling Entertainment company. It was a program where two billionaires, Trump and the owner of the company, Vincent McMahon, battled each other at Wrestlemania (the Super Bowl of wrestling) vicariously through wrestlers. The loser got his head shaved. No, it doesn’t make sense to me either. Of course, Donald Trump didn’t actually wrestle but he did jump on McMahon at one point to throw some fake punches. At the end of the show, he got to shave McMahon’s head and then…a bald wrestler gave Donald Trump what is called a “stunner.” I could watch that video clip all day.

Trump’s wrestling connection goes further. Reportedly, McMahon or the WWE (not sure which) paid Trump $4 million for his Wrestlemania gig. But, they didn’t “pay” him. They donated the money to the Trump Foundation. You know, that organization the state of New York recently shut down because of Trump’s corruption with it? But, with Trump taking the money as a donation to his charity, that means he didn’t have to pay taxes on it. Later, Trump used money from that charity to buy portraits of himself and sports memorabilia, pay off legal fees for his shitty bedbug-ridden gold resorts, and make political bribes to one of the lawyers who eventually defended his impeachment before the United States Senate. He also used the charity to make donations to veteran groups in coordination with presidential campaign events, which is illegal. Man, I could making this shit up, but I’m not.

After Donald Trump was elected (fake) to the presidency, he made Linda McMahon, Vince’s wife and CEO of the rasslin’ company, the head of the Small Business Administration. On April 12, 2019, she stepped down. On the 15th of April (in case you’re a Republican, that’s three days later), she was appointed as Chairman of America First Action, a pro-Trump Super PAC, where she plans to raise and spend $300 million in battleground states to reelect Trump. If there’s a reason not to watch wrestling, it’s that right there. Linda herself is a former Republican candidate for the U.S. Senate. Thankfully, she lost.

It makes sense that Linda McMahon would chair a Trump Super PAC since she’s already headed one unethical enterprise. She was CEO of WWE and no, it’s not unethical because it’s a fake sport. It’s unethical in that their “wrestlers” are not employees. They’re contractors so the company doesn’t have to pay Social Security, Medicare, unemployment insurance, or provide insurance. After one wrestler with a history of multiple concussions murdered his wife and child before committing suicide, a government survey found that 40% of “wrestlers” were found to be drug users, mostly steroids. WWE has fought states from regulating it as a sport and it has a long legacy of ignoring concussions, like the kind that makes a guy go batshit crazy and murder his wife and child before committing suicide. Donald Trump recently said head injuries to military members weren’t a concern. The mortality rate for wrestlers is 6.4 times higher than it is for men in the general population and higher than other “sports.” The number of wrestlers to die before the age of 65 is insane. Men should not be dying from heart attacks in their 30s. Seriously, Google this shit.

So, when Attorney General William Barr publicly scolds Donald Trump for tweeting on cases before DOJ and making his job “impossible,” don’t believe it. He coordinated his criticism with the White House before he delivered it. Barr has done nothing except use the Justice Department to defense Donald Trump, protect his corrupt friends, and go after his political enemies. After calling back U.S. Attorney’s sentence recommendation for Roger Stone, then saying he wants to review the entire case, over 1,100 former Justice Department employees have called on Barr to resign.

Barr should resign though it wouldn’t do any good. Trump would just replace him with another phony. At some point, maybe they will start wearing masks like those little Mexican wrestlers.

There is no Santa Claus, no Tooth Fairy, the Easter Bunny isn’t real, wrestling is staged, and Donald Trump is a fake president. It’s time you grew up and realized that.

Creative notes: I worked on this one in my head for two days. Even at a party last night, I kept going back to the text and restructuring it in my head. When I finally drew it, I didn’t use anything I had planned out (except for the stuff in the blog). The blog took a lot of research.

When I bounced this off my two proofreaders, I asked if they were familiar with the “smell what’s cookin'” line. Laura said she didn’t and had to look it up which probably replaced some less important knowledge in her brain, like algebra. She was also unfamiliar with a “purple nurple” which I hope is not an actual wrestling maneuver.

Support the cartoonist.

You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

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Ass Man


cjones02212020

When William Barr says he’s not making decisions based upon Donald Trump’s tweets, don’t believe him. I don’t have faith in Trump’s personal defender disguised as our nation’s Attorney General because his own people don’t have faith in him. They know he’s kissing that ass.

Four U.S. Attorneys resigned from the Roger Stone case after the Justice Department overruled their sentencing recommendation. This is something that’s never done. So when Barr says he wasn’t influenced by Trump’s tweets, don’t believe him. His people don’t.

Barr is trying to save face after he’s had his face burrowed in Trump’s orange ass. He’s acted publicly time and time again as Trump’s Roy Cohn. Right now, Barr is only trying to stem the bleeding in his department. He has a department, courts, and an entire justice system that does not have faith in him.

When William Barr says he hasn’t been kissing that ass, don’t believe his ass-kissing lips.

Support the cartoonist.

You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From 

Watch me draw.

Shut The Tat’s Trap


cjones02192020

Roger Stone is the kind of guy, that when he watches Die Hard, he roots for Hans Gruber. This man is a villain who rejoices at being a villain. To him, it’s an art. For the love of God, he has a Richard Nixon tattoo on his back. And you thought a MAGA hat was a people repellant. As if just being Roger Stone wasn’t repellant enough.

Stone worked on the Nixon campaign and is considered by many to be a “dirty trickster.” He’s a liar who promotes conspiracy theories and other assorted bullshit. So naturally, he was all in on the Trump campaign. In fact, he was a lobbyist for Trump’s failed casino and encouraged him to run for president back in 1998. During the 2016 campaign, he engaged in conspiracy theories and according to two of his associates, was in communication with Julian Assange with whom he coordinated a smear campaign against Hillary Clinton.

Last year, the Mueller investigation (you remember that investigation. The one where Republicans say didn’t find anything?) charged Stone with witness tampering, obstructing an official proceeding, and five counts of making false statements. A court found him guilty on all seven charges. Not just one or even a few of them but every single charge Mueller presented. This week, prosecutors recommended Stone serve nine years in a federal penitentiary. Guess who flipped out crying that Stone was being mistreated.

Donald Trump went on a Twitter rampage about the mistreatment Stone received. He said the investigation never should have happened. It was illegal and a witch hunt. Keep in mind, Roger Stone was found guilty on all seven counts.

The president (sic) of the United States is defending a known liar and a conman. He’s defending a sexist who was banned from CNN after calling one of their contributors an “entitled diva bitch” and said he imagined her “killing herself.” The president (sic) of the United States is defending a racist who called another CNN contributor a “stupid negro” and a “fat negro.” This is a guy who sought to hire members of the far-right, neo-fascist, Nazi-loving Proud Boys as his personal security at a Republican conference. After his arraignment, Proud Boys stood on the steps of the courthouse screaming that Stone is innocent. The president (sic) of the United States is defending a guy who threatened a witness’ dog. At this point, I’m feeling bad for Nixon that he’s associated with this guy.

Roger Stone is one of Trump’s goons. He’s a henchman. If he wasn’t headed to federal prison right now, he’d probably be in Ukraine with Rudy Giuliani creating more conspiracy theories.

But, mere hours after Trump’s free-Roger tweetstorm, where he called it a “miscarriage of justice,” a senior Justice Department official said the department would recommend a lighter sentence. What? Go light on Roger because of Trump’s Twitter tirade?

Trump says he wasn’t involved but that he could have made the Justice Department go lighter (that alone tells you this guy will never willfully give up his power). But that’s a lie as he was involved. His tweets and public comments are him getting involved. The department says they made this call before the tweetstorm, but they’re not very good at lying. Just because you do something a lot, doesn’t always mean you’re good at it.

Later yesterday afternoon, all four of the Assistant US Attorneys who were prosecuting the case withdrew from the case, with one of them leaving the Justice Department altogether. Can’t blame the guy as you can see where the department is going, what with Attorney General William Barr publicly acknowledging that he would work with Giuliani in his Ukraine conspiracy theories. Why work for the Justice Department when the AG is just another Trump goon? This morning, Trump congratulated Barr for intervening.

This is the kind of stuff people should care about. Even Republicans should care about this. This is corruption. It’s the very definition of corruption. And along with my predictions that after/if he’s reelected, that Trump will pull all U.S. troops out of the Korean peninsula, pull the U.S. out of NATO, and host Vladimir Putin in the White House, he’ll also pardon Roger Stone and Paul Manafort. Actually, those pardons will come after the election, whether he wins or not.

The judge of this case has final say on the sentencing. Let’s hope she ignores Trump and the Justice Department and gives Stone what he deserves.

Roger Stone is a dirty trickster, liar, conman, evil, and corrupt. Donald Trump is defending the guy because he is too.

Support the cartoonist.

You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

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Tinfoil Foiled


cjones12122019

The tinfoil hat club got foiled. They got hoisted on their own petard, not that any of them knows what “hoisted” means or what a “petard” is.

Since he “won” the election, Trump has been screaming that the Russia investigation was a huge hoax, never should have happened, a coup attempt, illegal, an attempt to overthrow the government, and an act of the deep state. He claimed Obama wiretapped Trump Tower. He appointed an Attorney General, William Barr, who would champion his conspiracy theories. Barr even said he believed there was spying in the Trump campaign. There was, but it wasn’t from an American agency. But they don’t want to talk about that because they invited that spying.

Do you remember before the Mueller Report came out how Republicans kept saying that we need to accept the findings if it proved Trump innocent? Well, it didn’t prove him innocent, but that’s not the point I’m making. William Barr appointed the Justice Department’s Inspector General to investigate the investigation that investigated the Trump campaign colluding with Russia. Now that the investigation is complete, Trump supporters don’t want to accept the findings. Even Barr, who made this investigation happen, doesn’t want to accept the findings.

Fox News’ Laura Ingraham, Tucker Carlson, and Sean Hannity all hailed that the report proved them right all along which proves they don’t actually read anything. William Barr released a statement saying, “The inspector general’s report now makes clear that the FBI launched an intrusive investigation of a U.S. presidential campaign on the thinnest of suspicions that, in my view, were insufficient to justify the steps taken.” Uh, no it didn’t.

Barr also said, “FBI officials misled the FISA court, omitted critical exculpatory facts from their filings, and suppressed or ignored information negating the reliability of their principal source.” Actually, that sounds like what Barr did when he presented a summary of the Mueller Report.

Donald Trump said the findings are “far worse than I ever thought possible,” which means he only read Barr’s statement.

What the IG report did was debunk their conspiracy theories. Other than discovering Ivanka Trump and Christopher Steele, who wrote the infamous dossier that mentions a pee tape and whom Trump and his cult have been attacking for years, had a friendship that was described as “personal,” we didn’t really learn anything from the report. And before I get too distracted, “bow-chicka-wow-wow?”

The report stated the Steele Dossier didn’t play a role in opening the investigation. While the report found faults in some warrant requests that used information from the Steele Dossier, the FBI started the investigation based on a tip it received days before about a Trump campaign adviser, George Papadopoulos, from a foreign ally, Australia. If you’re not wearing tinfoil on your head, you already knew this.

What is true is that our ally, Australia, was more concerned about protecting our national security from an attack from Russia than Donald Trump or his idiot son, Donald Trump Jr., was. While Australia was telling the FBI that Russians were spying on the Clinton campaign and giving the material to the Trump team, Don Jr. was inviting Russians into the campaign headquarters. If you haven’t been drinking the Trump cult Kool-Aid, you already knew this.

Trump and his cult have repeatedly attacked Lisa Page, a former FBI lawyer, and Peter Strzok, a former top FBI agent, who were both removed from the Russia investigation after text messages uncovered between the two showed “hostility” toward Trump during his candidacy. But, Page didn’t have any role in opening the investigation and Strzok was not the man in charge of it. Deep-state conspiracy theory foiled. No political bias was used in the investigation. If you don’t have your head buried up Trump’s ass, you already knew this.

The report didn’t mention Obama wiretapping Trump Tower which is a claim Trump made shortly after he assumed office, but never corroborated. It was a Trump lie. Another detail that foils the tinfoil hat club is there was only one member of the Trump campaign the FBI was wiretapping. That was Carter Page. They didn’t even request warrants on George Papadopoulos, campaign chairman Paul Manafort or Michael Flynn, who all had connections to Russia. If you’re not a Fox News viewer, you already knew this.

The FBI did not plant spies in the Trump Campaign. What the report found is there were members of the campaign who sent information to the FBI, but none of that affected the investigation because all that information was all over the internet.

When Russia attacks our election, we need to investigate it. What we shouldn’t do is attack the investigators. What we shouldn’t do is defend Russia. Donald Trump, William Barr, the idiots at Fox News, and your idiot tinfoil-hat-wearing, attic-dwelling uncle whom you hate having over for Thanksgiving have spent the past three years defending Russia and putting Putin before America.

William Barr didn’t have the Inspector General investigate the investigation to produce facts. He created it to support Trump’s conspiracy theories. If you read Barr’s statements on the IG report, you’ll see he’s only talking to Donald Trump. He’s ignoring a report he demanded from his own department.

There is not a deep state. What we can take solace from is that there are still honest and ethical people in the government who will defy the cult members Trump has appointed.

There is not a deep state. There are no chemtrails. Obama did not bug Trump Tower. Uranium One has been debunked. The Clintons didn’t kill Jeffrey Epstein. There weren’t millions of illegal voters. Obama was born in the United States. Hillary Clinton didn’t run a child-sex-slave ring in a Washington pizza joint. It was Russia, not Ukraine, that meddled in the 2016 election. There are no lizard people.

What we do know from the report is that Donald Trump and William Barr are liars who will use government resources to rig the system. But, if you don’t watch Fox News, drink the Trump cult Kool-Aid, wear a tinfoil hat, or have your head buried up Trump’s ass, you already knew that.

Support the cartoonist.

You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From The Trumpster Fire

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Butt Dial Rudy


cjones10282019

Where hasn’t Rudy Giuliani stuck his ass since Donald Trump became president?

While Republicans are complaining that diplomats are “unelected,” unelected Rudy Giuliani is engaging in shadow diplomacy in Ukraine and other nations while also working on his personal business deals. Is he working for the State Department or as Trump’s personal attorney? It’s confusing because he’s tried to have it both ways. He says he has attorney-client privilege because he’s Trump’s personal lawyer, but if he’s working for the Justice Department, then he doesn’t have that privilege.

It was reported Friday night that Giuliani butt-dialed an NBC News reporter on October 16 and his ass left a voicemail. What did Rudy’s ass have to say? A lot of it was incomprehensible, much like any Rudy interview, but what was made out is Rudy discussing the kingdom of Bahrain and needing a “few hundred thousand” dollars. The weird thing is…OK, weirder, is that it’s not the first time Rudy has butt-dialed a reporter. If Donald Trump was smart, and he’s not, he’d find a better lawyer or at least one who can operate a smartphone.

Trump’s other buttpoodle, William Barr, has dragged his ass all over the Justice Department like a dog on the carpet. It was revealed Friday that the Justice Department’s investigation into the Justice Department over the Russia investigation is now a criminal probe. Barr is seeking to send people to jail for the crime of investigating Russian collusion into the 2016 presidential election.

Barr, Trump, and Republicans claim the department “spied” on the Trump campaign. They’ve been chasing a conspiracy theory that it was Ukraine, not Russia, who meddled in the election, and not in favor of Trump but of Hillary Clinton. They believe the Democratic National Committee’s server is in Ukraine. These theories have been debunked. What did happen is that Russia meddled in the election, in favor of Trump, and while neither Obama or the Justice Department spied on the Trump campaign, Russia at least attempted to. Funny how these “patriots” are all riled up about conspiracy theories and hoaxes but haven’t expressed any outrage over foreign nations attacking our country. Now, Russia and other nations hostile to us have clearance to continue attacking our nation knowing Trump’s administration will ignore them and punish those in law enforcement who try to protect our nation.

Sure, internal reviews, from police departments to the Justice Department, should always be conducted. But if we’re more concerned about punishing the people investigating foreign spies than the actual spies, something is messed up. Donald Trump, William Barr, and the entire Republican Party are punishing the FBI while protecting Russian spies. That’s a bunch of butt.

Donald Trump, with buttpoodle William Barr, has totally politicized the Justice Department. It’s not seeking justice. It’s seeking retribution for the crimes of investigating Donald Trump…or anything close to him. This is an authoritarian act.

After Trump is removed from office, we need to remove every official he’s appointed, including judges. Every appointment was made possible by Russia and Vladimir Putin and if we don’t remove them, then Putin’s ass will be staining our nation for decades to come.

Trump, Barr, and Rudy should all land in prison. Let’s just hope Rudy doesn’t butt-dial anyone with his one phone call. Hopefully, when all this is said and done, we’ll never hear from any of their asses ever again.

Support the cartoonist.

You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

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The Impeachment Blues


cjones10092019

Yesterday, a screenshot circulated on Facebook of a tweet attributed to Monica Lewinsky stating she would “take one for the team” and do to Donald Trump what she did to Bill Clinton in the Oval Office as “that’s the only thing that can convince Republicans to impeach.”

If you saw the tweet, shared it, liked, commented, or cheered Monica on, I hate to burst your bubble. It’s fake. She did not create that tweet. But it does create an interesting discussion.

What would convince Republicans to impeach Donald Trump? How far are they willing to go to debase themselves and lose all dignity for a horrible troglodyte such as Trump?

Lewinsky was probably the first victim of cyberbullying and it was her fake friend who convinced her to preserve the “evidence” on the blue dress, and not take it to the dry cleaners. Monica wanted to wear the dress to a family function and her “friend,” Linda Tripp, who was secretly recording her, manipulated her into keeping the dress by telling Lewinsky it made her look “really fat” and she shouldn’t wear it again in public.

Later, the dress was turned in as evidence which proved Bill Clinton had lied about his relationship with her. It seems kinda crazy twenty years later that the dress was even sent to a lab to prove a president was lying about receiving oral sex in an investigation that started over a 1970s land deal. For that lie, the Republican-controlled House of Representatives impeached Bill Clinton. Of course, the Republicans had to go through three Speakers before they could finally land one to preside over the impeachment who hadn’t also committed adultery. Years later, we discovered the Speaker they settled on was a pedophile. Ya’ gotta love Republicans, right?

Just like the blue dress incriminated Bill Clinton of lying about a personal matter, there’s incriminating evidence that should impeach Donald Trump.

The summary of Trump’s phone call with the president of Ukraine incriminates him of asking a foreign nation to meddle in our election. It also shows there was a quid pro quo, not that it’s needed. Texts messages from U.S. diplomats show there was a quid pro quo in Trump’s dealings with Ukraine. Rudy Giuliani incriminates himself and Trump every time he opens his horrid mouth. Now, there are records incriminating Attorney General William Barr, Secretary of State Mike Pompeo, and Vice President Mike Pence in this scheme. On top of all that, Trump has publicly called for other nations to help him in the next election and has bullied the whistleblower. In case you’re a Republican, both of those acts are illegal.

But back to the fake Monica tweet. The joke in the tweet is that oral sex is the only thing that will convince Republicans to impeach Donald Trump. I don’t believe that. They’ve ignored all the accusations of sexual assault, which numbers around 20. They’ve ignored him asking Russia to help his campaign. They’ve ignored his lies and conspiracy theories. They’ve ignored his racism and bullying when they’re not joining in. They’ve ignored his obstruction. They’re ignoring his taking money from the military for his stupid, racist wall. Why would anyone think a little Oval Office action would hurt Trump?

Edwin Edwards was governor of Louisiana for 16 years, but not all at once. The voters would elect him, toss him out, elect him again, toss him out, etc. It did help that the last time he won, his opponent was a Grand Wizard. During that last race in 1992, there were bumper stickers reading, “Vote for the crook. It’s important.” Edwards was a crook but he had a strong base of support. But even he had limitations which he acknowledged when he famously said, “The only way I can lose is if I’m caught in bed with either a dead girl or a live boy.” Louisiana might be the best state for political cartoonists.

While being caught with a live boy would have ruined Edwards, it probably wouldn’t hurt Donald Trump. Not with these Republican sycophants and the evangelicals who for some reason believe Trump is a God-fearing Christian. They’d probably say, “Jesus wanted him to have that boy.”

Don’t believe me? Let’s look at a few of the Republicans serving today who were around during the Clinton impeachment.

Lindsey Graham took impeachment seriously in 1999. He said, “You don’t even have to be convicted of a crime to lose your job in this constitutional republic if this body determines that your conduct as a public official is clearly out of bounds in your role.” He also said, “Impeachment is not about punishment. Impeachment is about cleansing the office. Impeaching is about restoring honor and integrity to the office. Today, his integrity has him saying, “Impeachment over this? What a nothing (non-quid pro quo) burger.”

Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell had a tough time with Bill Clinton’s lying. In 1999, he said, “The president would seek a win at any cost if it meant lying to the American people. If it meant lying to his cabinet.” Today, “If this is the launching point for the House Democrats impeachment process, they’ve already overplayed their hand.”

Newt Gingrich was a champion of impeaching Clinton and cried in 1998 about the “level of disrespect and decadence that should appall every American.” Today, he says that Democrats are pandering to “partisan extremes.”

In 1999, Republicans were sending dresses to labs searching for semen. Today, half of them can’t bother to read a five-page summary of a transcript.

Republicans have debased and degraded themselves far more than Monica Lewinsky could ever imagine. At least in Monica’s case, she was a naive, young girl who was taken advantage of by a smooth-talking president of the United States. But her actions never allowed Clinton to destroy the nation. These Republicans know exactly what they’re doing as they’re turning their party into a cult and sacrificing our nation because they’re afraid of Trump’s base. And you know they aren’t swayed because Donald Trump is a smooth talker.

Pompeo, Barr, Giuliani, and Pence have each traded in their reputations, dignity and self-respect for Donald Trump. They have sold their souls to this conman. They’ve lost more by their actions than they ever could have merely by wearing blue dresses in the Oval Office.

At some point, I hope they discover the bad taste in their mouths.

Creative Notes: One of my proofreaders looked at several of my rough ideas Thursday night and said about this one, “I didn’t really get the one about the guys in blue. Handmaid’s Tale?” And about ten minutes later, she messaged me with, “Oh my god!” My girlfriend, Amanda, got it immediately. But then again, she is weird enough to be dating a political cartoonist.

Support the cartoonist.

As I noted in a previous cartoon, these are perilous times for political cartoonists. But you can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print).I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch me draw.