Twitter

Devin Has A Cow


cjones03242019

In 1983, Hustler Magazine published a parody mimicking a Campari advertising campaign that conducted interviews with celebrities about “their first time,” a double-entendre about their first time drinking the alcohol. In the parody, the subject was the famous televangelist Jerry Falwell who misunderstood the “first-time” question and said his first time was with his mother in an outhouse. At the bottom of the ad was fine print which said, “ad parody—not to be taken seriously,” which was for readers who took Hustler seriously. Jerry Falwell took it seriously.

Falwell sued the owner of Hustler, Larry Flynt. Falwell won in a U.S. district court in Virginia, and then he won an appeal by Flynt. On the claim of intentional infliction of emotional distress, the jury ruled in favor of Falwell and awarded him $150,000 in damages. Flynt didn’t take it lying down and took it all the way to the Supreme Court where he won a unanimous decision by all eight judges (there was a vacancy at the time), even the freaky conservative ones like William Rehnquist and Antonin Scalia.

They ruled that the First and Fourteenth Amendments to the Constitution prohibit public figures from recovering damages from emotional distress caused by a caricature, parody, or satire. Larry Flynt, a porn publisher, spent millions protecting our freedom of speech. Every editorial cartoonist in this nation owes Flynt a big thank you, which I gave in person several years ago.

So, if Flynt can get away with saying Jerry Falwell had drunken outhouse sex with his mom then a parody Twitter account can impersonate Congressman Devin Nunes’ mom and his cow. Right? Yes, they can, but Nunes doesn’t think so and has filed a $250 million lawsuit against Twitter, his fake mom, and the imaginary cow. Seriously.

Maybe Nunes believes he has a case if the cow’s followers believe it’s an actual tweeting cow. Only if they’re Republicans. Does the cow need a disclaimer that it’s not actual Devin Nunes’ cow?

Nunes, like Donald Trump, has very thin skin. These guys who consider themselves “Constitutionalists” want to destroy First Amendment protections. Trump wants the FCC to regulate humor so it’s not one-sided and Nunes wants laws preventing people from making fun of him. Trump and Nunes are also arguing that social media platforms, like Twitter and Facebook are restricting conservatives’ accounts on their platforms. They’re really worried it’ll hamper Russian trolls in 2020.

To argue about these platforms that don’t allow diversity of viewpoints, he went on Fox News and talked to Sean Hannity. Seriously.

The person you need to help sell that saying untrue stuff should be illegal is…Sean Hannity? Seriously?

In the lawsuit, Nunes argues that being called a “presidential fluffer” and “swamp rat” (seriously) interfere with his important investigation of “corruption by the Clinton campaign and alleged Russian involvement in the 2016 Presidential Election.” He also argues that people on Twitter making fun of him were trying to influence the outcome of the 2018 Congressional election. Seriously.

I’m going to make a public statement now and I want to be clear. The cartoon above was drawn with malice with the intention of defaming and injuring Devin Nunes’ name and reputation. I would say “good name,” but Nunes doesn’t have one…like his face. I really want Nunes to feel bad about this.

Here’s the thing, Devin (may I call you “Devin” or do you prefer “Mr. Fluffer?”)…I’m not afraid of Donald Trump. I’m not afraid of his supporters. After three years of them threatening and trying to intimidate me on SOCIAL MEDIA LIKE TWITTER, I’m still not afraid of them. Granted, none of them has started a cow Twitter account against me, but if they had, I think I could handle it. My point is if I’m not afraid of the president of the United States, who has hired fixers in the past to bully people and has the largest bully pulpit in the world in which to bully, then I’m not ever going to be afraid of a whiny, little, thin-skinned, presidential fluffer, treasonous pissant like you or any lawyers stupid enough to help you sue without understanding how the First Amendment works.

I don’t know your mom, and I’m sure she’s a nice person, but she should be more ashamed of you than of the account parodying her. And if you did actually own a cow, it would have jumped a fence by now to avoid being associated with you. The only cow dumb enough to be seen with you in public is orange with a bad combover.

Save yourself the trouble of suing me, Congressman and I’ll just go ahead and write you a check for a pair of big boy pants. Try not to shit in them next time someone calls you “fluffer.”

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

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Troll


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Conservatives and other assorted nutzoids were up to their tinfoil hats in anger this week as Facebook, YouTube, Google and Spotify banned the InfoWars conspiracy freak, Alex Jones from their platforms.

Alex was banned for all sorts of violations, which included posting “fake news” and just being an all-around troll (every conspiracy in this cartoon was created by Alex except two. I created those and I’ll let you try to figure out which two).

Twitter issued a statement in the form of a tweet, from their CEO Jack Dorsey explaining why they are letting Alex Jones stick around. In one of Dorsey’s tweets, he wrote, “Accounts like Jones’ can often sensationalize issues and spread unsubstantiated rumors, so it’s critical journalists document, validate, and refute such information directly so people can form their own opinions. This is what serves the public conversation best..”

Sensationalize issues? Unsubstantiated rumors? Was it sensationalizing to say that Sandy Hook was a hoax and nobody was actually murdered? Is it merely an unsubstantiated rumor that the FBI plotted the Boston Marathon bombing?

What the New York Daily News puts on their front pages is sensationalizing. When CNN reports that anonymous White House sources are saying the president is afraid his son is in legal trouble for lying and engaging in a conspiracy with a foreign power, that’s a rumor with some substantiation. What Alex Jones does is neither. The professional term in the journalism industry for what Alex Jones does is “bullshit.”

Dorsey wants critical journalists to “document, validate, and refute such information directly so people can form their own opinions.” But what those people usually do is scream “fake news” when a conspiracy is debunked, and cling to whatever makes them feel squishy inside about their confirmation bias. Just mention the word “Snopes” to a conservative and watch them lose their minds.

With that said, for the most part, Alex Jones has all the freedom in this nation to spout horse crap (with assorted lawsuits here and there). At the same time, Facebook, YouTube, Google, and Spotify have the freedom to kick him to the curb. They are not government platforms. They are businesses.

Conservatives need to get their outrages in proper working order. You can’t be screaming about a business not allowing Alex Jones to post his “opinions” (opinions should be based on facts, but we’ll argue that another day), but demand that the NFL force all their athletes to stand for an anthem. You can’t demand that social media platforms give equal service to conspiracy nuts while also arguing that a baker has the right to refuse to make a gay wedding cake. But, I bet if the customer wanted a green tinfoil-wearing troll on that cake, you’d demand the baker to make it.

For people who like to call liberals “snowflakes,” conservatives sure are a bunch of snowflakes.

Alex Jones has made a lot of money on bullshit. He’s rich. He’s not going to let this assault on his ability to profit off crapola go without a conspiracy. He’s blaming the ban on “deep state actors.”

I keep waiting for conservatives to boycott Facebook like they always promise. But they don’t. If they did, they’d be sure to post on Facebook how they’re boycotting Facebook. You’d think they’d be content with 4Chan, 8Chan, InfoWars, Breitbart, the Daily Stormer, and all the other assorted hate sites. I found out just yesterday they’re all over Instagram because they let me know they didn’t like my Trump Hollywood Star cartoon one bit.

But, they need to post where liberals, moderates, and other rational types will see them. It’s like that old saying; If a tree falls in the woods and there’s no one around to hear a conservative call it a “libtard,” is that conservative still an unimaginative troll with an IQ lower than his sister’s shoe size? Probably.

Creative note, sorta: It is very unlikely that I’m related to Alex Jones. My dad’s story on who his father was constantly changed, so there’s a good chance I shouldn’t even be a Jones. Leave it to Alex Jones to destroy all the cool points I got from Indiana Jones.

Your support in the form of donations is appreciated. I am fully independent as I’m not employed by a newspaper or with a major syndicate (leaving one to be independent). It does take a lot of work to provide you with cartoons, columns, and videos almost every day (more than any other political cartoonist), and I don’t charge my clients much at all. If you can, please consider making a financial contribution to keep the fun flowing, or purchase a signed print for $40. Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!!

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Dear Leaders and Generals


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On Sunday, North Korea detonated its largest nuclear weapon to date, with an explosion five times greater than any of their previous tests. It’s no longer a question if the rogue regime has a weapon capable of destroying a large city, but if and when they can miniaturize one and place it inside a missile, and how far that missile can reach.

After North Korea seemed to back down from their threat of firing a missile toward Guam, Trump and his surrogates credited his “fire and fury” comments. Trump went on to say that maybe North Korea was “starting to respect us.” North Korea responded by firing a missile over Japan. Trump responded to that test by saying, “talking is not the answer.” And now, Kim Jong Un has detonated his largest weapon to date.

Trump’s response to this? Taking to Twitter, of course, and going after…our allies. Trump criticized South Korea’s approach to the North as “appeasement.” He is also threatening to end trade with any nation that deals with North Korea.

Apparently, Trump has instructed his advisers to prepare to withdraw from a free-trade agreement we have with South Korea. His threat to end trade with nations that do business with North Korea would include China, Russia, and India, among others.

Meanwhile, his tweeting might be as nerve wracking internationally as Kim Jong Un’s nuclear hobby. David Straub, a former State Department official who dealt with both Koreas, said: “They (South Korea) think they’re dealing with an unreasonable partner and complaining about it isn’t going to help — in fact, it might make it worse.” Straub also said, “Opinion polls show South Koreans have one of the lowest rates of regard for Trump in the world, and they don’t consider him to be a reasonable person. In fact, they worry he’s kind of nuts, but they still want the alliance.”

South Korea isn’t alone in thinking Trump is nuts and unreasonable. Michael Hayden, a retired Air Force general and former head of the National Security Agency and the CIA said, “You gotta watch the tweets.” On CNN he said, “I think we had an unforced error over the weekend when we brought up the free trade agreement with our South Korea friends on whom we have to cooperate. . . . It’s wrong on the merits, and it’s certainly not integrated into a broader approach to northeast Asia.”

Adam Schiff, the top Democrat on the House Intelligence Committee said, “We need to be working hand in hand with South Korea, and with Japan. Why we would want to show divisions with South Korea makes no sense at all.”

Of course, none of it makes sense. In the past, Trump described Kim Jong Un as a “smart cookie,” and on the campaign trail, he said he’d be “honored” to meet with Kim and have a burger with him. Going after the South only encourages Kim to continue actions that will put further distance between us and our allies.

If Trump’s tweets and saber-rattling rhetoric has been a test to see if they’d intimidate North Korea, we can now consider those tests as failed.

Trump claimed he knew more than the generals, and he could handle basically every problem better than Obama. He’s proven the direct opposite, which isn’t a surprise. He needs to work with his generals and try to find real solutions. His tweeting isn’t just endangering his presidency, it’s endangering South Korea, Japan, and the United States.

When are we supposed to start all that winning we’ll eventually get tired of? If “talking is not the answer,” then the first to shut up should be Donald Trump.

Creative note: I reserve the right to break my cartooning rules. One of the more recent ones has been to refrain from using the Twitter logo. It’s been used to the point of overkill by my colleagues. It’s as bad as using the “MAGA” caps. They were fun at first, but not after two years of campaigning. It’s time to find new metaphors…and then maybe going back to them occasionally. For me, a great time is a Sunday night when  I can’t get all the cylinders in my brain working.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Tweeter In Chief


cjones12292016

There’s often been complaints that bills before Congress are too complicated and lengthy to read, often consisting of thousands of pages. We won’t have that issue anymore as now they’ll be no longer than 140 characters. The cartoon above falls under that number.

Kellyanne Conway, Donald Trump’s campaign manager, future White House counselor, and present henchman (henchwoman? Henchperson?) said on The Rachel Maddow Show a few nights ago that Trump is not using Twitter to set policy. Being that she works for Donald Trump, of course that’s a lie.

She also said that when Trump tweeted about expanding our nuclear capability he wasn’t referring to building up our arsenal. The very next day he said that we needed to increase our arsenal.

Trump tweeted “The United States must greatly strengthen and expand its nuclear capability until such time as the world comes to its senses regarding nukes.” Coming to “senses” and “Trump” are not two things you expect with our president-elect (I’m getting a little better each time I type that title for Trump. I’m not throwing up as much in my mouth as I was before). Having bigger guns will make your adversaries want smaller guns? Is this the sort of advice he’s getting from his foreign policy adviser? You know, that guy who believed Hillary Clinton was selling child sex slaves out of a pizza parlor.

Trump later told Mika Brzezinski, co-host of MSNBC’s Morning Joe, “Let it be an arms race … we will outmatch them at every pass and outlast them all.” Is it time for all of us to crawl underneath our school desks again?

Trump loves Tweeting (which is ironic because he hates the company). He’d say it’s very “precedential.” He’ll retweet tweets from conservative teenagers who hate CNN, white supremacists, and Swastikas. He’ll take to the platform to express rage at Broadway plays, Alec Baldwin and Saturday Night Live, people who question the extent of his election victory, whether he could have beaten Obama, whether Bill Clinton called him or he called Clinton, to tell China to keep a drone they stole, etc., etc. He’ll also tweet agreements with Vladimir Putin, to claim there’s no Russian connection with his election victory, and to congratulate himself for predicting terrorist attacks.

The man handles Twitter like a very unstable person. Usually those people only have about seven followers. Donald Trump has 18 million. That puts him right between Coldplay and Ashton Kutcher. I only have a little over three thousand. C’mon people. Step it up.

The biggest concern coming from Trump’s tweets, which are often full of typos (people who don’t read don’t make good spellers), is that it shows he has a short attention span and that he’s a total narcissist. Can that short attention span combined with his narcissism contribute to how he’ll defend our nation? What will the man consider a threat? North Korea aiming nukes at Seoul or an unflattering political cartoon that gives him a rectum for lips?

I think they should construct the buttons to order a nuclear strike very complicated for tiny fingers. They could also combine them with a lot of big words. Trump will never figure them out.

Creative note: I might be the only cartoonist in the nation who has not done a cartoon of the presidential seal combined with the Twitter logo. You’re welcome.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, etc.. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Trumping, Tweeting, Trolling


cjones11122016

A lot of people are upset that Trump haters are protesting the election. When I say “a lot of people” I’m talking about Republicans. They point out that this is a democracy and Democrats should accept the results of a fair election.

The problem with that is we are a democracy and our Constitution, for now, allows protests (and political cartoons that point out that Donald Trump is a racist). The other problem is that our election wasn’t really fair.

Donald Trump was elected with fewer votes than Hillary Clinton which is the second times this has happened since 2000, both times putting the Republican candidate into office. Trump was also supported by a foreign government who was hacking into his opponent’s email system and displaying their internal messages for all the world to see. Some of the messages were suspected to be doctored. Another assist for Trump came from the FBI which might be the final straw that convinced nimrods to mark the ballot for Trump.

The big issue with the Russians and the FBI is that both were apparently communicating with the Trump campaign. How fair of a system is that?

Before the election Trump claimed the electoral system was rigged. He complained about the electoral college and said he might refuse to accept the results if he won. That shows even he was surprised he won. What does he think of that rigged system now?

So while there are protests against Trump there are supporters of his attacking and intimidating African-Americans, Muslims, and Latinos. It’s not just happening in our streets. It’s happening in our schools. Children are being intimidated for the color of their skin by other children whose parents are doing a bang-up job raising little racist bastards. Trump tweeted out that complaint about protesters “Incited” by the media while ignoring his own inciting. He later tweeted support to the protesters and how wonderful it was they can express themselves. I’m thinking his team returned his Twitter account to him a bit too soon. If the guy’s Twitter account makes blood spill what’s he going to do when he gets the nuclear codes?

I wasn’t sure how this cartoon would work with posting a photo in it. I did it a year ago, or maybe two years, for a cartoon I drew for The Daily Dot. I remember thinking that turned out really well though I can’t remember what it was. I could look in my files but, eh. I’m lazy.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Commander In Tweet, Cartoon For The Daily Dot


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This week’s exclusive cartoon for The Daily Dot.

I drew a couple roughs for this idea. Here’s the first one.

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I was sitting in a lobby while I drew these. I was able to take a photo of the roughs and sent them to my editor. Other people in the lobby were probably thinking I was a freak for taking photos of my lap.

This phone booth version was actually drawn first. While I was drawing it I kinda figured it wouldn’t work because there aren’t really any phone booths anymore. My editor at The Dot, Fernando Alfonso, agreed. He also suggested several labels for the birds.

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