Trump Sex Probe

Dark And Stormy

cjones03272018

Stormy Daniels’ interview with Anderson Cooper aired on 60 Minutes Sunday night and it was kind of a letdown. If you’ve been following the story, you didn’t learn anything new except that someone threatened Stormy in a parking lot while she was with her daughter and the Forbes Magazine spanking actually happened. I got nothing out of this interview except for the night terrors.

The sex part of this story isn’t important except to expose the hypocrisy of the evangelicals who support Trump. These inbred hillbilly hypocritical idiots have spent decades telling us family values and morals are important to them. Now, they’re fine with supporting the kind of guy who will sleep with porn stars while his wife is pregnant, force her to sign a hush agreement, and send thugs to threaten her.

What is important is that hush agreement. Trump’s attorney, Michael Cohen, says he paid Stormy off out of his own pocket and the goodness out of his heart because he loves Donald Trump. He claims he was thinking about paying her to be quiet for years but finally did eleven days before Election Day.

While Cohen and the White House claim Trump didn’t have anything to do with the contract, Cohen negotiated it with his Trump Organization email, and even received and sent documents from Trump Tower. Between hush contracts to porn stars and Russians meeting Don Jr, Jared, and Paul Manafort, there’s a lot going on in Trump Tower that Donald Trump doesn’t know about.

Cohen’s sloppiness is going to get someone in trouble. The guy sets up a shell company in Delaware to hide the payment but mails documents to Stormy from Trump Tower. This should not be a surprise as Trump’s other attorneys have shown through press releases that they literally can not dot the i’s and cross the t’s.

If Cohen made this payment without Trump’s knowledge and never received reimbursement for it, he may be the only one in legal trouble. His payment to Stormy is an illegal campaign contribution as it exceeds the donation limit. Another problem is that the contribution was not reported by the campaign.

What needs to be discovered is if Cohen’s unbelievable explanation is true, and he’s really that stupid. If not, we need to find out if he was reimbursed and by whom. Was it Donald Trump, the Trump Organization, the Trump Campaign, another party, or another company? Maybe it was the porn fairy.

While we’re at it, the National Enquirer needs to be investigated for their payments to silence women Trump slept with. All of these payments were to help Trump get elected.

Donald Trump is a billionaire. Who in the hell just gives hundreds of thousands of dollars to help out a billionaire, especially one who is an unlikable asshole?

Stormy says the unprotected sex with Trump was consensual and slept with him as that was her punishment for being dumb enough to go to his hotel room alone. I am assuming the hotel had sealed windows which prevented her from a lighter punishment, like leaping to her death.

The event of the interview was more substantive than the actual interview. It’ll be interesting to see Sarah Huckabee Sanders spin this. Hopefully, better than her argument that Trump didn’t have anything to do with it but won arbitration in the case. If nothing else, we need to ask future presidential candidates if they’ve ever slept with a porn star without a condom, as that stupidity should be disqualifying.

Thankfully, we were all spared the punishment of seeing pics of a naked Trump, or Heaven forbid a Trump sex tape. Stormy’s lawyer, Michael Avenatti has tweeted cryptic photos of a DVD, implying it contains evidence of Trump’s Stormy canoodling.

If I can survive without ever seeing the Hulk Hogan sex tape, I can get by without seeing one with Donald Trump. But, every evangelical, Trump voter and anyone who has ever defended Donald Trump should be forced, A Clockwork Orange style to view the Trump sex tape. That may be the just punishment they deserve for what they’ve inflicted upon all of us.

Here’s the video.

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Trump’s Twelve A Day

cjones12142017

The New York Times published an article about Trump’s “battle for self-preservation.” It includes some details on his diet of Big Macs, KFC, diet Cokes, and cable TV news.

Most doctors, but probably not Trump’s, will tell you that this is not a recommended diet for an old geezer. The article says Trump watches eight hours of TV a day. Even eight minutes of Fox And Friends is hazardous to one’s health. It’s his consumption of Diet Coke that will make a person go “whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?,” or at least make you pronounce United States as “United Thates.”

Full disclaimer: I probably watch more cable news than Trump, and like the prez, it can rile me up too. In my defense, I watch actual news and not that propaganda state-run propaganda shit Fox passes off as news. I consume too much caffeine too but I’m not in Trump’s league. Maybe three tall cups of coffee and two Cokes a day. I do try to drink two or three bottles of water a day, which I know isn’t enough.

But, twelve sodas? Twelve must be a frequent number for Trump because that’s the same number of women who publicly accused him of sexual assault. The number is much higher if we include those who won’t reveal their names.

Some of Trump’s accusers held a press conference yesterday trying to return the focus back to his transgressions. In this climate where members of the House and Senate have to resign for far less, we should look back on the horrible stuff Trump actually boasted about doing.

While Alabama’s reputation is taking a hit for the possibility of sending an accused pedophile, birther, racist, homophobe, Islamophobe, and law-breaking Roy Moore to the Senate, maybe we should cut them some slack. After all, 62 million Americans (fewer than Clinton voters) sent all of that to the Oval Office.

Sarah Huckabee Sanders and other Trump defenders will point out that voters, less than half, voted for Trump after his accusers came forward. That’s a good point but it doesn’t change the fact the man has assaulted women on multiple occasions. Just because you’re OK with someone being a creep doesn’t change the fact they’re a creep. Trump is on tape boasting about assaulting women and venturing into the dressing rooms for his pageant contestants.

Voters didn’t just overlook or ignore his history of sexual assault. They ignored his racism, his xenophobia, his narcissism, his sexism, his failed businesses, and his all-around ignorance of everything it takes to perform as president. And, since Trump wants to continue litigating the election then let’s continue to flashback to his sexual assaults.

If you don’t want to look that far back, then just look at this very morning. Trump actually sexually harassed a female member of the United States Senator on Twitter this morning.

Trump tweeted, “Lightweight Senator Kirsten Gillibrand, a total flunky for Chuck Schumer and someone who would come to my office “begging” for campaign contributions not so long ago (and would do anything for them), is now in the ring fighting against Trump. Very disloyal to Bill & Crooked-USED!”

Apparently, decency is expected of everyone except for the President and maybe the next Senator from Alabama.

Creative notes: You may not have noticed, but I’ve included a can of Diet Coke on Trump’s desk in a few recent cartoons. One reader even scolded me for picking on Diet Coke. Hey, it’s not my fault Trump drinks a LOT of Diet Coke.

Kinda like I was the first cartoonist in the nation to give Trump a very long tie (I’m sticking with that claim), I totally expect other cartoonists to start adding Diet Coke now. Hey, schmoes. I didn’t need The New York Times to point it out. I like heckling my colleagues.

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