Trump Relates

Shutdown Sufferers


cjones01282019

Speaker of the House, Nancy Pelosi has officially canceled Donald Trump giving a State of the Union address before Congress. She sent a letter using language Trump can understand. Reportedly, it said “nyet.”

Trump intends to continue the government shutdown indefinitely as the White House is doing a study on how much damage will be inflicted on specific programs if it continues into March. We’re not even into February yet.

Trump believes the polls will shift in his direction and the public will turn their blame and anger on the Democrats for the shutdown, despite his boast of owning it before it started. I’m not sure the public will blame the Democrats, as Trump’s poll numbers have sunk to 34% and Pelosi is right under 50%.

Keep in mind, after over a decade of Republicans gaslighting the public and casting the Speaker as the Devil incarnate from liberal San Francisco, her numbers are always low…and now she’s scoring higher than Trump. If Trump is at 34%, then where’s flaming bags of dog shit, 35%?

Trump says Pelosi is afraid of hearing the truth during the State of the Union, says the guy afraid of Michael Cohen testifying. If he was to speak the truth, I don’t think any Democrat would be afraid of hearing him say, “Thanks to me, the state of our union is a flaming bag of dog shit.”

The state of our union is a burning bag of crap because this is what happens when you elect an incompetent, stupid, idiotic, narcissist who doesn’t just put his personal interests before the nation, but also his fragile thin ego.  This idiot couldn’t get funding for his racist, medieval vanity project from Republicans, so now he’s demanding it from Democrats. And the bigger idiots, the people who voted for him, have forgotten they were promised Mexico is going to pay for the wall, and they’re now upset that Democrats won’t force them to pay for it.

Trump claims he can relate to the 800,000 federal workers who have been affected by the shutdown and are about miss their second paycheck, thus being unable to pay their bills with many facing evictions. They have larger problems to deal with than not being able to give a speech where they want.

The empathy runs through the Trump family, as Lara Trump, wife of idiot son number two, said the shutdown is a “little bit of pain” for federal workers, but future generations will “thank” them “for their sacrifice.”

I believe encouragement to “hang in there” from ivory towers will fall on deaf ears of those out on the street. Nowhere on those lists of part time jobs issued by federal agencies for furloughed workers did I see “marry rich asshole.”

Donald Trump gave in to Pelosi on the State of the Union, announcing his surrender last night on Twitter. My hope is he develops a taste for having his ass handed to him by a woman who is much smarter and more talented than he is. He’s not in Pelosi’s league.

Trump isn’t used to being told no by anyone. Perhaps hearing it now and learning to lose over stupid problems he created will teach him to accept losing in the future. Even though losing the shutdown fight will prove to everyone that Trump manufactured the crisis and wasted everyone’s time over his ego, he needs to go ahead and lose for the benefit of the nation. There are bigger problems in this nation than Trump’s bruised ego.

Hopefully, Donald Trump accepts with dignity losing in 2020, quite possibly having his ass handed to him again by a woman, but then again…I couldn’t give a flaming bag of dog shit how he feels about it.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

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Trump Relates


cjones01142019

There are so many ways Donald Trump can relate to furloughed federal workers unable to pay their bills because of his shutdown. For example; none of them were able to spend New Years Eve and day at Mar-a-Lago. Why, Trump was forced to spend it in the cold, drab White House. He probably didn’t even have those plastic little thingies that look like tiny champagne bottles with a string attached, and when you pull the string confetti flies out. Sad. Especially considering they’re the only noisemakers tiny-fingered people can play with.

Speaking to reporters Sunday about furloughed government workers, Trump said, “I can relate, and I’m sure that the people that are on the receiving end will make adjustments, they always do, and they’ll make adjustments. People understand exactly what’s going on. But many of those people that won’t be receiving a paycheck, many of those people agree 100 percent with what I’m doing.”

Trump believes the bubble that is his Twitter page correctly gauges the mood of the nation. It doesn’t. Most government employees would rather have a paycheck, pay their bills, and feed their families than have a wall on the Mexican border. I can relate. I enjoy eating much more than erecting racist symbols in a desert.

We’re nearing three weeks into this Trump shutdown and on Friday, workers will miss their first paychecks. The rancor and anger at Donald Trump will surely increase by then and continue to grow after. Hundreds are actually setting up GoFundMe campaigns to try to make ends meet. According to CBS News, over 700 campaigns have been launched. I guess the government’s advice about doing chores for rent didn’t go over that well with landlords.

The Coast Guard also gave their employees helpful advice to make ends meet, such as babysitting (Senate Republicans will show you how to do that), dog walking, holding garage sales (let me know if you find any GOP backbones), and becoming a mystery shopper. Mystery shoppers are hired to rate businesses, but right now I’m pretty sure they’d all give Donald Trump a you-suck rating.

Trump is not hearing that message. He also said, “Many of those people, maybe most of those people, that really have not been — and will not be getting their money in at this moment — those people, in many cases, are the biggest fan of what we’re doing.” Yes, hostages love being hostages. They especially love being bartered for racist, medieval vanity projects.

Last Thursday, in a surprise briefing, Trump laid some more stupidity on us by saying, “I have never had so much support as I have in the last week over my stance for border security … or, frankly, the wall or the barrier. I have never had anything like it in terms of calls coming in, in terms of people writing in and tweeting. I’ve never had this much support.”

I’m not sure how those calls are coming in since the White House switchboard and the call-in phone line to the White House are not operating due to the government shutdown. Maybe they’re using the same line some of our former presidents used to tell Trump they wish they had built a wall. They probably said they wish they had BOUGHT The Wall because discovering that Pink Floyd album late in life truly is a tragedy.

A Quinnipiac poll found that 54% of Americans oppose the wall and a Harvard CAPS/Harris online survey found that number to be 56%. Despite this, Trump says he’s determined to keep the government shutdown for months or even years if he doesn’t get what his wants.

The Democrats in the House are passing bills to reopen the government but the Republican Senate refuses to hold votes on them. Despite their fear of Trump, Republicans will cave before we get to months of a shutdown. They already know this entire ordeal is stupid and is being waged over Trump’s pride and ego. When the public starts to come down on them, they’ll throw Trump under the bus to save their own skin. They’re Republicans. They’re cowards. It’s what they do. In two years, no one is going to punish them for funding the government, but voters will punish them if they keep this going.

The shutdown doesn’t just hurt those employed by the government. It hurts their families. It hurts government contractors. Businesses that rely on government workers are feeling the crunch. People with loans, mortgages, health care needs, tax situations, etc, will be impacted. This will go beyond the 800,000 government workers and stretch into the millions.

Donald Trump, a man who was given an allowance of over $200,000 a year by the time he was two, can’t relate to people who aren’t receiving paychecks. They don’t have a rich daddy to bail them out. They don’t have a sham university grifting stupid people. They don’t have charitable foundations they can steal from. They can’t license their name on cheap crap that only sells when people accidentally click the Buy-It-Now button. They don’t have Russian benefactors, and they probably can’t get loans from Deutsche Bank.

If Trump could relate to the pain and suffering of others, he wouldn’t use them as bargaining chips to satisfy his ego. He never would have started this useless shutdown over a broken campaign promise for a useless wall that Mexico was going to pay for. Right now, government workers are paying for Trump’s broken campaign promises. American workers are paying for Trump’s lies. The only way Trump could relate to those 800,000 furloughed is if they all have extremely tiny, mushroom-shaped penises.

When future historians get to this page, they’re going to say, “Well that was stupid.” They will also be educated on what happens to a nation when it elects an idiot to the highest office in the land…as they’re climbing out of the rubble that idiot left for them.

As I wrote and drew, the other day, Donald Trump is the national emergency. Republicans need to join Democrats, put their nation over a stupid cult of personality, and shut him down.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.