Trump Cult

Sniveling Corona Cowards


cjones05192020

I’ve always liked the actor Kevin James. I liked his show, King of Queens, and thought he did a great job and matched well with Will Smith in Hitch. Heck, I even liked Paul Blart a little. Granted, everything else he’s done has kinda sucked, but I still liked him. He’s always seemed like an everyman kinda dude. Now, I like him a little less.

Kevin James’ latest production is the worst thing he’s ever made. Yeah. Even worse than Paul Blart 2. It’s worse than Grown Ups. It’s even worse than Grown Ups 2. It’s probably worse than that movie where he talks to zoo animals. I say probably because I haven’t seen it but it looks pretty bad. Do you want proof his latest thing is bad? The conservative Trump cult fucknuts love it.

James has a YouTube channel where he posts short films. His latest film is about two men on the run from the authorities for being out in public without wearing masks and for shaking hands. Seriously.

There are now 86,000 deaths in this nation from the coronavirus and Kevin James has joined all those idiots crying about their “freedom” when nobody has taken their freedom. Despite nobody being arrested for not wearing a mask or for shaking hands, James has joined in with the shitweasel brigade and the Flat Earthers. I understand satire but I also understand propaganda. This tilts more toward the latter. This is some real Ben Garrison shit.

These idiots who scream about their liberties and storm state capitals with guns, Nazi symbols, and nooses, NEVER speak out when a black man is profiled or killed by the police. They NEVER speak out when voting rights are denied to non-white American citizens. They NEVER defend free speech except whenever a university disinvites a Nazi from speaking on their campus. But now, they have a new hero in Kevin James. Congratulations, Kevin. You’re in the same club as Ted Nugent and James Woods. Heck, you’re in the same club as the worst Baldwin brother, You know. Whatsisname Baldwin brother.

These people who have watched Red Dawn too many times act as though their purchase of a gun is supporting the Second Amendment. They believe carrying an assault weapon with them everywhere they go, whether it’s Chick-fil-A or the state capitol building, defends their Second Amendment Rights.

These gun nuts who describe themselves as “Constitutionalists” only know one Constitutional Amendment. And even then, they bastardize it by ALWAYS omitting the “well-regulated” part. Anytime you mention “regulation” in the context of guns, they scream you’re taking away their Second Amendment rights despite the fact “well regulated” is literally in the Second Amendment. I swear. Look it up.

But, if their buying a gun reinforces their Second Amendment rights, then me telling them they’re all a bunch of racist Kool-Aid drinking cultist knuckle-dragging treasonous Putin-Loving dumbasses reinforces my First Amendments rights.

Keep in mind, the people who believe being “forced” to wear masks and closing the country is all designed to steal their freedom and punish Donald Trump also believe Climate Change is a hoax.

Now, they’re saying you’re a coward if you don’t leave your house without a mask. Why look how brave they are by going outside without a face covering. Why look how brave their president (sic) is being the only one not wearing a mask while visiting a PPE plant or a factory that actually makes masks. They are so proud. I’m sorry but I don’t think stupidity is something to be proud of.

The people staying home and wearing masks are the true patriots. They’re not just protecting themselves. They’re protecting you even though you don’t deserve it.

The real cowards are supporters of Donald Trump. They’re afraid to leave their houses without assault weapons and they vote for a guy who runs on a campaign of fear. Trump supporters are afraid of everything.

But then again, calling us “cowards” for doing the right thing and protecting our nation is once again them projecting. We need to protect our nation from the coronavirus and all…

…we need to protect our nation from gun-toting sniveling coward Trump supporters.

Tip Jar: This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

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How’s It Hanging?


cjones04142020

If your erection for Donald Trump has lasted over four years, seek medical help.

If you follow everything Donald Trump says to the point that you will follow his medical advice, go talk to a real doctor before it’s too late.

If you’re still downplaying the coronavirus and believe it’s a Democratic hoax created to hurt Donald Trump, go find a crowd to mingle in. I hear the beaches in Georgia are open.

If you’re fine with Donald Trump ignoring an incoming pandemic after repeated warnings and are now making excuses defending him, talk to an analyst.

If you call the press “fake news” and the “enemy of the American people,” believe that facts are things designed to hurt Donald Trump, that he has never told a lie, or base your opinions on conspiracy theories, seek professional help.

If you’re fine with a president basing how much medical aid a state receives on how much the governor has flattered him, you suck.

If you’re cool that the president focuses less on a response to a pandemic and more on TV ratings and if he’s “number one on Facebook,” go watch an Andrew Cuomo press conference to see how a real leader behaves in a crisis.

If after four years, you’re still fine with nepotism, grifting from the Oval Office, not seeing tax returns, violating emoluments, stealing from charities, praising Putin and Nazis, attacking women, racism, being in love with North Korean dictators, declaring Canadian cheese a national security threat, feuding with NATO, not understanding the nuclear triad or how tariffs work, lying about a wall, stealing money for the wall, losing negotiations to Pelosi, narcissism, throwing babies in jail, or cult worship in the White House where every sentence has to begin with “Thank you Mr. President, for your leadership,” then you need a personality transplant because you’re an asshole.

If you’re still citing, “If you like your doctor, you can keep your doctor,” but ignoring, “Everyone who needs a test gets a test,” go fuck yourself.

The thing is, you should have given up on Donald Trump a long time ago. If your erection lasted after “largest crowd sizes,” your condition may be terminal.

Tip Jar:

This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From 

Watch me draw.

Cashing Thank-Yous


cjones04032020

It’s important that we thank people but it’s not important that you get thanked. Do you understand this? It’s like this: It’s more important to give than it is to receive. Got it? Even my Republican readers? Probably not, but here we go.

Being thanked and appreciated is important to all of us, but it’s really important to Donald Trump. He’s like the six-year-old that only invites people to his birthday so he can rub it in their faces, forgetting that everybody has birthdays. At his party, he has to be the one to pop the pinata (metaphorically here as he wouldn’t have anything Mexican at a party). He has to have the most cake (not metaphorical).  Donald Trump craves adoration and recognition to the point that a psychiatrist would leap out a window. It’s why he hates The New York Times so much. He wants to be recognized by elites and sophisticated people as one of them, but he’s stupid as fuck all.

The other thing is, Donald Trump wants to be rewarded, thanked, and given recognition for shit he didn’t do. It’s like the economy. Trump supporters give him credit and thank him for fixing a “broken system” and a “mess” he inherited. Never mind the fact that Obama pulled us out of a recession that the last Republican president created. Never mind the fact Obama created more jobs in his last three years than Donald Trump did in his first. Never mind the facts we’re headed for a recession now, no president has ever had over 3 million people file for unemployment in one week like Donald Trump just accomplished, or that it’ll be another Democrat pulling us out of another Republican recession. Fact. Fact. Fuckity Fact. Fact.

Trust me on this. Donald Trump isn’t capable of bending over and pulling up his own socks less enough pulling us out of a recession.

And Trump’s supporters are totally gaslighted. One of the fucknuts commented on my video yesterday, literally thanking Donald Trump, for the FDA approving the use of a malaria drug to combat covid19. That is cult worship. Never mind the fact that the last time Donald Trump mentioned a drug with “chloride” in the title, one of his stupid followers died ingesting a chloride fish tank cleaner and his wife is in critical condition. That’s some Jim Jones shit there. Yeah, thank Donald Trump for that, dingus.

Now, it’s come up that Donald Trump wants his signature on the checks being disbursed as part of the $2 trillion stimulus package. What do you want to bet when the deficit is still huge after he leaves office, that Republicans refuse to acknowledge his signature signed off on that?

Here’s a fact Trump supporters and Republican shitweasels don’t know because it’s a fact: The president, even when that president is Donald Trump (sic), doesn’t allocate spending. At least, he’s not supposed to (though he’s fighting in the Supreme Court to change that).  Congress allocates spending. Nancy Pelosi has more control over what money goes where than Donald Trump. If anyone’s name should be on the check, it’s Pelosi’s or even, ugh…Mitch McConnell’s signatures.

But, Donald Trump wants his signature on the check. Why? Because it’s a great campaign tool. If you’re in the cult now, wait until you literally get a check with Donald Trump’s signature on it (but then again, they may not cash it because they’ll want to frame his signature). And just like money from the Trump Foundation that actually went to legitimate charities (when it wasn’t used to pay off legal fines, purchase Trump portraits of himself, or bribe ditzy blonde Florida Republicans), it’s a check bearing Trump’s signature that isn’t from his own money.

We are getting a check from our own money with his signature on it. And we’re supposed to thank him?

Donald Trump is using taxpayer money, increasing our debt, as a campaign tool. Will it happen? Yes. He’s already done it with the Center for Disease Control guidelines that went out last week. His name is on the envelope and presents it as “President (sic) Trump’s Coronavirus Guidelines For America.” Never mind the fact that “President” (sic) Trump isn’t following those guidelines for himself.

How does one even have the gall and lack of shame to broach the subject of putting his signature on the check? Does it start with, “So…what signature will be on those checks?” I doubt it. I’m sure it’s something else Donald Trump demanded, like at every meal when he has two scoops of ice cream and everyone else has one.

What’s more disgusting about this than our money going to help promote his orange stupid ass, and more disgusting than his cult will thank him for sending them a check, and even more disgusting that these are the same fucks who scream about Bernie promising “free stuff” turning us into a socialist nation like Venezuela, is the fact that Donald Trump is the last person who should be thanked for anything accomplished against the coronavirus. That’s like thanking Herbert Hoover for pulling us out of the Great Recession (why not? He was a Republican).

This is a man who failed to prepare for it and instead, denied and downplayed it. He even called it a conspiracy and hoax being used against him by his enemies. Now, he says he always knew it was a pandemic (go watch my video).

Donald Trump wants a thank you…for a job he didn’t do. In fact, he wants to be thanked for failing. But thanking Donald Trump for his response to the coronavirus…

…That’s a check Donald Trump’s ass can’t cash.

Tip Jar:

This pandemic is hitting everyone, including your favorite goofy cartoonist. I have lost clients and I’m afraid I might lose more. The PayPal button has always been included here for those who can and want to voluntarily support what I do. I understand this time is hard on everyone. If you can’t, don’t contribute. Take care of yourself and your family first.

But, all and any help is greatly appreciated and it helps keep me going. Think of me like a street performing busking out tunes on a corner (I won’t play “Wonderwall.” I promise). If you like the tune, or in this case, toon, throw a buck into the tip jar. It’ll help me play another song, draw another toon, write another blog, make another video, and post another snarky post on social media. It’ll help keep me alive. You can also order a signed print for $40. And if you don’t like the PayPal option, you can snail mail it to my P.O. Box. 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From 

Watch me draw.

MAGA Virus


cjones02162020

Is MAGA contagious? Before Trump won his party’s nomination, the majority of Republican officeholders were against his candidacy. Lindsey Graham called him a racist. Paul Ryan said his comments were the definition of racism. Nikki Haley said his “siren call” was dangerous. Ted Cruz called him a “sniveling coward.” Marco Rubio made fun of the size of his penis. Now, they’re all infected and they’re giving him whatever he wants. Now, Marco Rubio probably knows the size of Trump’s penis.

The one good thing about the MAGA virus is that it only infects stupid racist people who never had a conscience. If you’re afraid of minorities or anyone who speaks a language that’s not “American,” you’re susceptible to the MAGA virus. If a woman with an opinion intimidates you, it may be terminal. If a factual news report has you screaming “fake news” and calling the free press “enemy of the American people,” you should probably start wearing a human-sized condom. If Vladimir Putin gives you an erection, take two aspirin and call someone else in the morning. I’m not answering.

If you’re a non-white person, the good news is that there is a very low chance you will catch the MAGA virus, unless you’re washing dishes at Mar-a-Lago. For the most part, it only affects white people. Usually, only rural white people. It doesn’t affect urban areas as much. Maybe concrete is a deterrent…or books.

The MAGA virus is very serious and extremely dangerous to our nation. Those affected don’t care about emoluments, patriotism, facts, nepotism, or the U.S. Constitution. They believe in conspiracy theories over facts and believe a reality TV show host who believes you need a photo ID to buy cereal is the best choice to lead the nation.

About 3,700 people are quarantined on a cruise ship in Yokohama, Japan, with 136 of them infected with the Coronavirus. Maybe we should take the same tactic with the MAGA virus.

We could put every person infected with the MAGA virus on boats, push them out to sea and wait until the sickness has passed. Or, after we push them out to sea, we just don’t worry about them anymore.

On a side note: I really think Celebrity Cruises should stop playing “White Rabbit” in their commercials until the quarantined ship crisis in Japan is over. If nothing else, the cruise line’s choosing of that song gives me the feeling I won’t finish their cruise with both kidneys.

Support the cartoonist.

You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From 

Watch me draw.

The Republican God


CNN02092020

Here’s your cartoon for CNN’s weekly newsletter, Provoke/Persuade. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday for the rest of your life.

I’m going to use this cartoon to digress and rant on something that kinda annoys me.

The thing that annoys me about Trump supporters is that they have to pretend Donald Trump is a lot of things he’s not. Self-made billionaire, smart, honest, great negotiator, non-racist, not corrupt, etc, etc. In fact, I have never heard or read a pro-Trump argument or defense that didn’t contain at least one lie. So, when I hear Christians and Evangelicals praise Trump, I know they’re phonies.

A couple of my Facebook “friends” shared a link to an article about why a Christan can support Donald Trump. Of course, neither of these fine, upstanding Christian men care that the article contains bullshit. The piece, “How Can You Follow Jesus And Support Trump,”  written by a Shane Idleman, is total bullshit. The article is in a publication called Christian Voices which obviously has a low standard for journalism and not something on my regular reading list.

In the article, our author argues he’s in favor of legal immigration but only if the immigrants are “god-fearing.” So right away, he’s in favor of discrimination. He’s too stupid to realize he’s making that argument. My friends are too stupid to realize it also. If you’re arguing that you only want people entering this nation who believe in what you believe, how long until you say you only want people who look like you? But, it’s his choice of what issue to focus on when it comes to defending Trump. He makes the claim that Donald Trump isn’t separating families or putting kids into cages. That’s not just a lie. It’s a lie racists use.

Mr. Christian writing man, if you’re such a great follower of Jesus, then why are you a liar? Yes, Donald Trump separated families after they crossed the border. Yes, he put kids in cages. They even forced minor children to go to court alone. It was part of his policy. He’s on record advocating for this. His Attorney General at the time it began, Jeff Sessions, made a speech announcing the policy and giggled about it to the point I thought they were going to have to administer oxygen to the racist elf. If this policy didn’t exist, then why did a court order them to stop doing it? You’re a liar.

Nowhere in the article does he mention Donald Trump lying, his love for Putin and cheating in an election, grabbing pussies, his racism, or stealing money from a children’s cancer charity. The guy would rather complain that the media is out to get Trump and his supporters. But there’s the thing about that argument, they never point what the media is lying about. Or, at least not successfully. There’s also an argument about socialism which is another huge lie unless the writer is totally ignorant on the subject, which is possible. So once again, another Trump defense based on lies.

If you have to justify your following of Donald Trump, you’re in the wrong. I don’t have to justify who I vote for or the positions I take. Probably because I’m not a lying piece of shit. If you have to lie to support your political positions, then you’re on the wrong side.

These Christians argue they’re getting judges for supporting Donald Trump. But where in the Bible does it say you can trade in your convictions and principles for stuff? I went to church a lot when I was a kid. Really. I don’t remember that sermon. And the other thing about these judges, our Christian friends don’t care by what means they get their stuff. They don’t care if the seats are stolen (and they stole more than one Supreme Court seat) or that you have to cheat in an election to get them.

The thing is, you never had convictions or principles. You were lying then just like you’re a liar now. But we’ve known that for a long time from your silence on government spending when a Republican is in control or from your love of the death penalty while claiming you’re “pro-life.”

The author says they’re not following a man but a movement. Your movement is a cult. You don’t follow Jesus anymore if you ever did (who, by the way, was a socialist). You follow Donald Trump because he’s your god, which he stated when he claimed he’s the “chosen one.” Guess what. That wasn’t mentioned in the article either.

Support the cartoonist.

You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From 

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Menacing Mittens


cjones02122020

Today, Mitt Romney, Republican Senator from Utah and former presidential candidate, voted to convict Donald Trump on one charge of impeachment. Mitt Romney exercised his conscience, dignity, and independence which are all things the Republican Party had thought they had eradicated. I thought they had eradicated it too.

On Wednesday, every single Republican Senator voted to acquit, not exonerate, Donald Trump on the two impeachment charges the House brought up. Romney voted guilty on one of them.

The majority of the Republican Party consists of cowards and sycophants who pretend those traits are virtues. Donald Trump prefers the GOP to be weak and in fear of his wrath which consists of mean tweets. On Wednesday, Mitt Romney displayed a profile in courage, which is extremely rare in Washington. He will be punished.

Donald Trump wanted a totally partisan vote on his impeachment so he could argue he was exonerated, which he will anyway. While Romney was speaking on the floor of the Senate explaining his vote, Trump was canceling a photo-op before the press. Coward.

Donald Trump Jr. tweeted that Romney should be expelled from the party. Fox News host Laura Ingraham threatened to run against him in four and a half years. The flying monkeys are assembling.

Romney explained he took an oath before God. For all the other Republicans, Trump is their god. How dare he.

Romney, while criticizing the Bidens, stated that what they did weren’t crimes. He was shooting down Trump’s defense team’s arguments. He took down another Republican talking point when he said, “The defense argues that the Senate should leave the impeachment decision to the voters. While that logic is appealing to our democratic instincts, it is inconsistent with the Constitution’s requirement that the Senate, not the voters, try the president.” Mitt Romney may be the only Republican in Washington who’s actually read the entire Constitution and understands it.

Then Romney laid out some facts. He said, “The president asked a foreign government to investigate his political rival. The president withheld vital military funds from that government to press it to do so. The president delayed funds for an American ally at war with Russian invaders. The president’s purpose was personal and political. Accordingly, the president is guilty of an appalling abuse of public trust.” Those are all facts.

Romney made another point every Trump sycophant has refused to recognize. “The grave question the Constitution tasked senators to answer is whether the president committed an act so extreme and egregious that it rises to the level of a high crime and misdemeanor. Yes, he did.”

Mitt Romney is not perfect. I’m really glad he wasn’t elected president, and instead, we got four more years for Obama to build a great economy for an old racist white man to inherit and take credit for. Romney has always stood for the 47% and displayed a lack of understanding of working-class and poor Americans. But that doesn’t mean he’s an evil person. That doesn’t mean he’s dishonest or a liar. That just means he’s not the right guy…until now.

He strongly opposed Trump’s candidacy and delivered a speech mocking the future president (sic). After Trump’s election, he had a discussion over frog legs to be Trump’s Secretary of State that really confused everyone. Donald Trump and Mitt Romney eat frog legs? When he was elected to the Senate, no one was expecting him to be a liberal never-Trumper firebrand, but we were hoping for some independence in the GOP. Finally, we got some.

I drew a cartoon and wrote a column last Sunday about the Cowards of Historic Proportions. I wrote there wasn’t one Republican in the Senate who wasn’t a coward. And while some Republicans privately said they voted to acquit Trump out of fear, it turns out there is one who stood up. I wrote history will remember them all as cowards, but Romney will be remembered for his bravery. While Lindsey Graham, Marco Rubio, Susan Collins, Lisa Murkowski, and Mitch McConnell have cemented their places next to the Vichy French, Romney will be next to Margaret Chase Smith. In this case, I like being wrong.

In that column, I wrote, “The founding fathers didn’t put clauses in the Constitution to protect someone like Donald Trump. They put those clauses in to protect our nation from the likes of Donald Trump.” Maybe Mitt Romney read it.

Support the cartoonist.

You can help me continue to create cartoons, blogs, and videos by making a contribution. All support, large and small, is greatly appreciated. You can also support me by purchasing a signed print (8 1/2×11) for $40, or a signed poster (18×24) for $100 by clicking the PayPal button (just include a note if you’re purchasing a print). If you want to support but don’t want to use PayPal, you can send a contribution through the mail (address is on the contact page. Again, include a note for a print). I don’t plan on going anywhere and your support will help guarantee that. Whether you support, can’t. or just choose not to, please know that I am truly thankful that you visit my site and read my work.

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

New Book: Tales From 

Watch me draw.