Time

Trump’s Pocahontas Time


cjones11292017

Most American presidents spend Thanksgiving weekend visiting troops, dishing out soup to the homeless and generally refraining from douchey behavior. Donald Trump set out to make this Thanksgiving the douchiest ever in the history of American presidents. I think he succeeded.

George W. Bush once spent Thanksgiving in Iraq with American troops. Trump went to Mar-a-Lago and name-dropped that he was playing golf with famous golfers. Tiger Woods’ reputation must be really low if he thinks golfing with Donald Trump is a step forward in rehabilitating his image.

Shortly before the holiday, he continued his feud with LaVar Ball and stated that he should have left his son in a Chinese prison, where he probably would have done hard labor making Trump ties and Ivanka handbags.

After a Sufi mosque was attacked by terrorists in Egypt, Trump used that to further his argument for his Muslim ban and his stupid border wall. Trump should know that Egypt is not included among the nations in his Muslim ban because it’s his Muslim ban, and that Mexicans weren’t the ones who attacked the mosque.

Continuing in his quest to be the most divisive president ever, he tweeted another attack against black athletes kneeling during the National Anthem and called for the NFL to suspend protesting players.

But, what’s a Trump Thanksgiving without dishing out a few lies? Trump covered that base by claiming Time Magazine called him with the news that he’ll probably be the Person of the Year, again, but he had to turn it down because he doesn’t have time for the interview and photo shoot. Of course, none of that was actually true. Trump has also made up phones calls and letters from police unions and the NFL praising him, not to mention all the fake Time covers he’s hung in his golf clubs with him on the cover. Here’s a bit of trivia for you, there’s only been one president so far to make Time’s Man of the Year two years in a row and that was Richard Nixon. Does Trump really want to continue following in his crooked footsteps?

Trump wasn’t done. He complained about information the “fake” news won’t report by tweeting out a link to his “accomplishments,” from a conspiracy website.

Then, the man who believes the National Enquirer should win Pulitzer Prizes and InfoWars is a legitimate news source tweeted, “We should have a contest as to which of the Networks, plus CNN and not including Fox, is the most dishonest, corrupt and/or distorted in its political coverage of your favorite President (me). They are all bad. Winner to receive the FAKE NEWS TROPHY!”

We used to have American presidents who defended and championed a free press to the rest of the world. Today, we have a joke of a president who envies the clampdowns on a free press initiated by Putin and Turkey’s Erdogan. I’m afraid there’s not a news outlet that can compete against Trump’s Twitter account for his fake news trophy. Perhaps he keeps that trophy next to all his fake Time covers.

I don’t know how to touch that favorite” president part except he needs to leave Teddy Roosevelt out of it.

He continued to attack the press. He tweeted, “FoxNews is MUCH more important in the United States than CNN, but outside of the U.S., CNN International is still a major source of (Fake) news, and they represent our Nation to the WORLD very poorly. The outside world does not see the truth from them!” The bizarre thing about this, other than the standard stupidity and lies, is that Trump has never brought up CNN International before but, perhaps this had something to do with Putin. Putin enacted new laws restricting foreign press the same day as Trump’s tweet. Putin and Trump had a 90-minute phone conversation a few days before. Perhaps they were colluding.

Trump’s last action before leaving Washington for his Florida golf course was to endorse a pedophile for the United States Senate. He claimed the Democrat who prosecuted KKK members who killed four little black girls in Alabama is weak on crime.

I almost forgot this one: According to sources, Trump is claiming the Access Hollywood tape, where he brags about assaulting women, is fake. Never mind the fact that he apologized for it. See? Stupid!

On Monday, Trump got back to work in the capitol and met with Navajo code talkers, Native Americans who helped the U.S. Marines send coded messages in the Pacific Theater during World War II. You would think this is something even Donald Trump can’t fuck up. Wrong! All Trump had to do was honor them and move on to his next planned humiliation. But, no. From out of nowhere, Trump has to inject a political attack and racial slur.

Trump said, “You were here long before any of us were here. Although we have a representative in Congress who, they say, was here a long time ago. They call her ‘Pocahontas.”

First off, there is no “they,” you orange shit-gibbon. It’s just you. You’re the only one who says that.

This has been Trump’s way of attaching a derogatory insult to Democratic Senator Elizabeth Warren, who scares him. During the campaign, he used this racial slur and was once told to his face by a Native American that it was inappropriate and offensive.

In addition to barfing out this racial slur before Native American heroes, he staged the ceremony in front of a portrait of Andrew Jackson, the racist president who signed into law the Indian Removal Act and is directly responsible for the Trail of Tears.

Donald Trump is a racist and it’s been pointed out that a few of his comments are considered racist. Yet, he continues to use them because he’d rather feed red meat to his ignorant base of pedophile supporting jerkwads than actually be a civil human being.

Sarah Huckabee Sanders deflected for the president by blaming Warren, who was not at the event or a scheduled topic for discussion but, yeah. Let’s blame her.

In the span of just a few days, Trump displayed his ignorance, stupidity, racism, lies, and narcissism, and did it all in a juvenile manner in a blatant effort to be divisive to shore up his racist base of troglodytes.

If his staff can’t take the Twitter device away from his tiny fingers while he’s sitting on the toilet, then they should lock the door while he’s in there.

Creative notes: My first concept on this subject was to have the code talkers decipher the crap Trump was saying. I hadn’t worked the idea out yet when another cartoonist beat me to it. And, he did it pretty well too. I still could have used the concept but, after seeing how well he did it I couldn’t get over it. So, I had to move on.

I’m aware the portrait of Andrew Jackson behind Trump looks more like Beethoven. After several attempts, I just gave up. I think I’ll have another opportunity. On the side of the cartoon, I’m quite pleased with my renditions of Huckabee Sanders and Conway. I really enjoyed drawing them. I relish making people who peddle lies look ridiculous, though they kinda make it easy.

I also thought if Trump attacks one of our women (liberal Elizabeth Warren) then I’ll attack two of his. I got more where that came from.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print (please specify which print you want or I won’t mail one). All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

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Buy Five Copies For Your Mother


cjones06302017

Newsflash! Donald Trump is an extremely insecure narcissist and touts accomplishments he doesn’t actually have. Surprise!

Trump has been on the cover of Time Magazine a lot. He’s proud of this and loves to make the claim during speeches that he’s been on the cover more than anyone else….ever. He’s so proud of it that a copy of the magazine with him on the cover is hanging at one of his golf clubs. Problem is, that copy is fake.

What’s up with that? Why would he put a fake cover on his walls for tourists and snotty golfers to ogle over? Maybe one of his over-eager employees framed it and put it on the wall to kiss the boss’ ass. Perhaps…..except the same cover is hanging on the wall at not just one club, but at least five Trump clubs from Florida to Scotland. That sounds less like the actions of one eager beaver and more like a mandate.

How do we know it’s fake? The borders of the fake version are unlike the genuine magazine. The fake version also contains exclamation points which Time Magazine doesn’t do. Time doesn’t shout. Trump shouts.

Another reason we know this version is a phony: Time Magazine says so. They didn’t publish an edition during the week that are dated on the Trump fakery, which is what they told The Washington Post. Time has asked the Trump organization to remove the forgeries from their walls.

The fake magazine is praising Trump. “Donald Trump: The ‘Apprentice’ is a television smash!” There’s another headline on the same cover which reads: “TRUMP IS HITTING ON ALL FRONTS . . . EVEN TV!” That sounds like a headline someone would write about themselves. Time has put entertainers of noteworthy accomplishments on their cover. Eddie Vedder of Pearl Jam for instance, but what Vedder and Pearl Jam with their debut album was part of a nationwide movement. Trump just ran a crappy TV show with b-list celebrities.

While Trump blasts the media repeatedly over fake news, he loves to boasts of fake accomplishments. Business success, charitable givings, crowd sizes, electoral wins, great hair, etc. His spokes-sycophant, Sarah Huckabee Sanders wouldn’t comment on the matter, and neither has anyone else from the Trump administration. They have too many other lies to cover for.

Why would Trump need to lie about being on the cover for Time? He’s actually been on the cover, though not every headline is complimentary. Why is he trying to impress people with these forgeries at his golf clubs? Isn’t owning a golf club, or seventeen, impressive enough?

And for the record, Trump has not been on the cover of Time more than anyone else. That honor belongs to another dick, Richard Nixon. Nixon has been on the cover of Time 55 times. Maybe if Trump keeps screwing the nation over he’ll catch up to Tricky Dick. I’m sure his impeachment will make a lot of magazine covers. Trump has been named Times’ Man of the Year, just like Hitler.

About the covers in this cartoon:

GQ: I don’t know much about that magazine but I have the impression it’s read by douche bags who don’t know how to dress themselves and go to nightclubs while wearing too much cologne.

Time: I love political magazines. That should be obvious since I’m in the news business and I’m a politics and news geek. Do they still publish Newsweek? I’m gonna look that up later.

People: My mom had a subscription when I was a kid. It’s a magazine about celebrities and it takes their subject seriously. They’re no National Enquirer. But still, it’s a magazine about shit that’s not important, unless your life can’t move forward without knowing the most recent undertakings of Matthew McConaughey-hey-hey-hey (I got that wrong. He says “alright, alright, alright”). Unless I’m declared the Sexiest Man Alive, I don’t really care.

Sports Illustrated: A great read when you’re in the lobby of a doctor’s office or waiting for your car to be repaired. If you’re lucky, the issue available will be up to date for the 2012 NFL season (I predict a long career for rookie RGIII). Even then, finding an outdated copy of SI is a total score among the stacks of Good Housekeeping and Cosmopolitan unless you’re really interested in why wet kisses make men horny.

Cat Fancy: That is the perfect title for a magazine that’s dedicated to a creature as ridiculous and useless as cats. I had to look up “Abyssinian.” Like I’m gonna know that off the top of my head. I don’t understand why anyone thinks cats are like dogs and that they are interesting…or even matter.

High Times: How can you tell that someone is a vegetarian? They will tell you. They don’t shut up about it and neither do people who smoke weed. Smoking weed to them is a hobby and they talk about it nonstop. It’s boring. So boring. If you’re bothered by me saying it’s “boring” then you smoke too much weed.  I’m fine with other people smoking pot and even told a very ill friend recently that he should give it a try. I personally don’t like it. It should be legal, but it’s boring.

I don’t understand how a magazine can publish every month on the subject of smoking weed. I bet Snoop Dog has been on their cover 55 times. Don’t feel too insulted. Cigar Aficionado is a ridiculous publication too.

I do remember looking at a copy of High Times once in a friend’s bathroom. Frances McDormand was on the cover wearing a sleeveless T-shirt while braless. I can’t remember any articles, but I remember that T-shirt.

Rolling Stone: Not in the cartoon but where I took the title for this blog. It’s from the song “Cover Of The Rolling Stone” by Dr. Hook. Great song that’s really funny with the worst/best guitar solo in history. You’d think it was from the Muppets house band. Also, check out their tune “Sharing The Night.” It’s very 70s cheesy and great with the pervyish “sharing the night together, ah yeah, aw right.”

It’s really hard being a one-man syndicate when editors (who receive death threats from Trump supporters) are afraid of cartoons with opinions, while I’m also competing against other syndicates with dozens of cartoonists (who offer lots of right-wing cartoons and the kind without any opinions). So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $50 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

Person Of The Year


cjones12092016

Every year Time magazine picks a person of the year and they run a cover story on the individual. The pick is someone they deem has had the most influence on the world over the year, for better or worse. With that description Donald Trump is a unanimous choice.

In the past Time has selected Pope Francis, Charles Lindbergh, Mahatma Gandhi, Angela Merkel, Franklin Roosevelt, Winston Churchill, George Marshall, Dwight Eisenhower, Harry Truman, Queen Elizabeth II, Charles de Gaulle, John Kennedy, Pope John XXIII, Martin Luther King, Jr., Lyndon Johnson, Henry Kissinger, Jimmy Carter, Anwar Sadat, Ronald Reagan, George H. W. Bush, Ted Turner, Lech, Walesa, Bill Clinton, George W. Bush, Barack Obama, and Mark Zuckerberg.

Looking at those names you totally expect Donald Trump to congratulate himself, which he did. He said “it’s an honor.”

Remember the description for the “person of the year” which “influences events for better or worse.” Then look at a few other names on the list.

Some of those are Joseph Stalin, Nikita Khrushchev, Richard Nixon, Deng Xiaoping, Yuri Andropov, Ayatollah Khomeini, Ken Starr, Rudy Giuliani. Vladimir Putin, and Newt Gingrich. There’s one other person on that list and he’s Adolph Hitler. This is NOT the first thing Donald Trump has in common with Hitler. Both men were successful in convincing a nation to select hate over hope.

So maybe Trump shouldn’t get too excited for indications from this list is he can contribute to mankind greatly or burn it all to the ground. He’d probably be OK with either outcome as long as he received some “terrific” compliments and Alec Baldwin didn’t mock him for it.

Some people have pointed out the layout of the magazine cover placed devil horns over Trump’s head.

The other candidates for person of the year were Hillary Clinton (and if she had won the election I still think Trump should have been selected by Time), and hackers. Sometimes Time takes an easy route and selects something that’s not controversial, like Peacemakers, Whistleblowers, the American soldier, good Samaritans, the Protester, Ebola fighters, Endangered Earth, the Computer, Middle Americans, The Inheritor, Scientists, and YOU (individual content creators on the world wide web).

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, etc.. The starving cartoonist it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!