Taxes

Cognitive Trump


cjones07162020

When Donald Trump revealed he took a cognitive test, his manner of describing it made you think he needs to take a cognitive test.

Donald Trump told Sean Hannity, “I actually took one when I — very recently, when I — when I was (this is where he seems to stop himself before revealing why he was rushed on a sudden unscheduled trip to the Walter Reed hospital last November) — the radical left were saying, is he all there? Is he all there? And I proved I was all there, because I got — I aced it. I aced the test.”

Then he said Joe Biden should take the same test while also boasting about how good he was at “acing” the test. He said, “He should take the same exact test, a very standard test. I took it at Walter Reed Medical Center in front of doctors, And they were very surprised. They said, that’s an unbelievable thing. Rarely does anybody do what you just did. But he should take that same test.”

Rarely does anybody reveal the shit they’re saying freaked people out enough to the point they had him take a cognitive test.

Here’s the thing folks, nobody takes a cognitive test as a leisurely activity. I mean, you could probably find some site on the internet and take one for shits and giggles like you can with a citizenship test. But when most people take a cognitive test, it’s because there are concerns you should take a cognitive test. It’s because you appear non-cognitive like you went into a closet and pooped in all the shoes.

For example, nobody ever brought up the subject of a cognitive test during the Obama administration. President Barack Obama never boasted about passing a cognitive test.

And maybe you do pass the cognitive test. If you are able to successfully identify a photo of a camel, state the date and time, can draw a clock with the time 10 past 11, and can count down from 100 by sevens, they should probably let you continue to drive a car, but because there was so much concern over your cognitive abilities, you probably should not have access to the nuclear codes.

And maybe this cognitive thing with Trump proves he’s not racist and he honestly couldn’t get past his own name being shouted in a video to realize fuckers in it were also shouting “white power” before he retweeted it.

But how bad is the new normal where the president (sic) is bragging about passing a cognitive test and boast that he was being praised for it like he’s a toddler? What’s next? Is he going to brag about having the cognitive ability to wipe his own butt? That’s plausible because recently, he displayed he still has the ability to lift a glass with one hand and his audience cheered him for it. What a big boy you are. What a low bar we’ve set.

And what’s the deal with bragging about taking a cognitive test, demanding your political opponent take one as well, then not releasing the results of your cognitive test? It’s like that time he screamed about President Obama’s school records being sealed while not releasing his own school records. This fucker won’t even release his SAT score and he hired a nerd to take that for him. What’s next? Is he going to demand Joe Biden to release his tax returns (he actually already has)? It’s not like Joe Biden is fighting in the Supreme Court to keep his taxes concealed.

Finally, the other thing is, if Donald Trump says he passed a cognitive test, that means he failed it. The man is a liar and basically, everything he says turns out to be untrue and he turns to be everything he accuses others of being. Donald Trump is a fucking moron.

Passing a cognitive test? What Donald Trump doesn’t get is that he shouldn’t have had to take one. When is he going to brag about passing an STD test after cheating on his wife? And what flavor lollipop did the doctor give him after passing the test?

Let me remind you why there is a Trump baby balloon. Because Donald Trump is a huge, gassy baby.

The truth of the matter is, we should be freaking terrified and scared shitless to the point we don’t sleep because this idiot who suggested drinking bleach to kill a virus is the president (sic) of the United States…and he has the nuclear codes!

If you’re not, you should probably take a cognitive test.

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New Book: Tales From the Trumpster Fire

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Trump Your Refund, Cartoon for CNN


CNN04142019

Here’s your weekly cartoon for CNN’s weekly newsletter, Provoke/Persuade. Please sign up to get these in your inbox every Sunday for the rest of your life.

Don’t think there’s not a connection between Trump being the first president in forty years not to release his taxes and his corporation doing business with foreign governments. You would have to be blind, dense, obtuse, and an all-around friggin idiot not to connect these dots. In other words, you would have to be a Trump supporter.

So I don’t get in actual legal trouble, I should say it’s my opinion that Donald Trump is corrupt…except it’s a fact. Donald Trump is corrupt. He is corrupt financially, business-wise, and as a human being. Richard Nixon said, “people have got to know whether or not their President is a crook.” Donald Trump doesn’t care if people know he’s corrupt. What’s worse, his supporters don’t care if he’s corrupt.

This is where you see Republicans kicking and screaming defending him from showing anyone his tax returns. Why would you not want to see these? Donald Trump is a man who stiffed contractors, driving many out of business, operated a fake university, stole from charity, and even bankrupted a casino. He’s told nearly 10,000 lies since walking into the Oval Office. So yeah, let’s trust this guy when he says he’s not making money off the presidency or there isn’t a financial conflict of interest between him doing his job and making money off Saudi Arabia, Turkey, the United Arab Emirates, etc.

Trump donates his presidential salary of $400,000 back to the government and his supporters make a lot of noise about this. What they overlook is how much the government pays for his golf trips which have so far totaled around $96 million in the span of two years. Some of that golf trip money is going back into his pocket. When he visits his resorts, he charges the government for staying there. He charges the Secret Service rent at Trump Tower and at his resorts. He even charges them for golf cart rentals as they follow him around while he cheats on the course.

Trump doesn’t just make money off the U.S. government. Why do you think he takes the premier of China and the Prime Minister of Japan to Mar-a-Lago? Those governments have to pay to rent rooms there. His hotels, which were in deep financial trouble before he came into office, are doing brisk business now with foreign governments. They know the quickest route to get preferential treatment from Trump is through his ego and his wallet. Saudi Arabia has rented rooms from Trump that they didn’t even use. Every right-wing convention that comes to Washington now has to rent the ballroom at Trump’s new Washington Hotel. Trump even nixed the plans for the FBI to move from downtown Washington out of fear that a competing hotel would move into their location. Donald Trump is corrupt.

Now, his Chief-of-Staff Mick Mulvaney vows that Congress will never see Trump’s tax returns. Whey they say “Congress,” they mean you. They vow you will never see his tax returns.

Trump claims he can’t release his taxes because they are under audit. A president’s tax returns are automatically audited, but we don’t know if they were under audit when he first made that claim. Even if they were under audit, it doesn’t matter. There is nothing that prohibits a politician from releasing his taxes while they’re under audit. In fact, many people have released their taxes while they were under audit.

So, if you haven’t filed your taxes yet (tomorrow is the deadline), keep in mind that Trump does not want you to see his taxes. Also, keep in mind the huge tax break Trump and Republicans gave to America’s richest assholes, including Trump. Trump’s biggest priority, other than pushing a racist agenda on America, was to give himself a huge tax cut. He gave you a tiny temporary cut while he gave a huge permanent one to corporations. Guess who’s a corporation. Donald Trump.

In 2019, people have to realize that their president is a crook.

On a personal note, I completed my taxes around 8:00 am today and I don’t see how the Trump and Republican changes helped me at all.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

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Trump Tax Scam


cjones02132019

If you voted for Donald Trump and you’re paying more in taxes this year than you did under Obama, it’s because you voted for Donald Trump. Welcome to MAGA.

Donald Trump’s biggest achievement in the two years since he started destroying America was giving himself a massive tax cut. It wasn’t a wall on our southern border paid for by Mexico. It wasn’t repealing Obamacare. It wasn’t even “locking her up.” It was giving himself a tax cut.

Trump claimed that the tax cut wouldn’t benefit him at all. Of course, like all things Trump has ever said, that was a lie. We knew it was a lie when he said it but that didn’t stop him from repeating it again and again. It didn’t stop Trump sycophants from saying “it won’t benefit him because he said so.” Tax experts estimate that Trump will personally save $15 million a year from these tax cuts. Jared Kushner will save around $12 million. Several members of his cabinet are expected to save $4.5 million each, including Betsy DeVos, Linda McMahon, Steve Baby Fishmouth Mnuchin, and Wilbur Ross, all rich assholes.

When I mentioned tax experts, I wasn’t talking about Ivanka Trump. When the tax legislation was being debated in late 2017, Ivanka went out and told everyone how they’ll see the gains in April 2018 and also be able to file their taxes on a postcard.

Ivanka Trump, Daddy’s little princess, has obviously never ever, ever, ever filed her own taxes in her entire ain’t-you-special sweet little life. You don’t need to be a tax expert to know that the taxes you file are for the previous year. Hence, 2018 filings would be for 2017. The tax cuts for assholes bill passed in December 2017 (in case you’re a Republican, December is the last month of the year. It’s when you’re hearing all that Christmas music and eating all that ham). That means none of it would affect you until 2018. Thus, if you’re a Trump supporter, you won’t be horrified until you start filing in 2019, and most likely NOT on a postcard.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaand, horrified is exactly how many Trump supporters are reacting. Many have already filed their taxes to discover they’re actually paying back now when under Obama, they got refunds. My own horror won’t happen until April 14th, because I procrastinate with everything.

The thing is the Republicans removed a lot of deductions, like for state and local taxes for people like you and me. Why? Because they don’t care about people like you and me. If you’re a Trump supporter, you’re probably not a rich asshole. You’re just a regular asshole…who’s going to be paying more in taxes now.

A lot of MAGA hat shitheads went on Twitter to express their dismay and outrage. Who could have predicted that voting for a rich, selfish, narcissistic asshole would only work out for rich, selfish, narcissistic assholes? For Trump to win them back, he’s going to have to do something extra racist. How about a talking border wall that screams racial epithets? “Well, I’m paying $4,000 more in taxes now, but the wall’s gonna scream ‘beaner,’ so I’m good. Trump 2020!”

In case racial insults don’t make the pain go away from paying these taxes, there are always payday loans, which Trump and the Republican Congress also removed restrictions from, so predatory lending can be even easier now.

In 2009 during his State of the Union address, President Obama was talking about healthcare reform and that it wouldn’t insure people in the nation illegally. It was kinda stupid that he even had to debunk a ridiculous right-wing rumor. Nevertheless, Republican Joe Wilson shouted, “You lie!” Of course, the only liar was Joe Wilson, who is still in Congress…lying about shit.

That’s exactly how Republicans are. They scream “liar” at the guy telling the truth and trying to help Americans and applaud and worship the lying fucker who’s fucking them over.

That’s MAGA.

Be Complicit

What kind of person would want to be part of something that disparages, slanders, and disrespects Dear Leader and his sycophantic followers? Hopefully, you. 
Making a contribution supports my work and keeps the cartoons, columns, and videos coming. My income is from newspapers that subscribe to my work and small contributors. George Soros hasn’t sent me a million dollar check in weeks. Making a contribution of any amount, or buying a print for $40.00, makes you part of this specific resistance, and a member of Team Claytoonz (we’re still working on the name). You are complicit, an accomplice, and in cahoots (and whatever gangster terms we can think of) with this political satire pointing out that the stupid emperor has no clothes. Contributions can be made through PayPal, checks, and wads of cash exchanged in back alleys.
Whether you can help support, can’t, or just choose not to, please continue to enjoy and keep reading my work. Thank you!!! 

You can purchase a signed print of this cartoon.

Watch the video.

Trump Man


cjones10032016

I feel a little bad using “Taxman” from The Beatles for this cartoon. The Beatles were brilliant song writers (except for Ringo) and Trump is only a brilliant con man.

It’s not the first time Donald Trump had a rough week. The week after the Republican National Convention Trump squandered any momentum he may have gained by feuding with the parents of an American soldier who died in Iraq.

Last week Trump was coming off a horrible debate performance when he decided to top it with a 3:00 AM tirade on Twitter toward a former Miss Universe he once called “Miss Piggy.” Usually when one engages in such nocturnal activity it’s referred as “drunk dialing.” You never text a girl when you’re drunk, or call, or tweet. You wake up the next morning not being able to relate to anything you discovered you sent..and then you recoil in sheer terror. That’s what people tell me. But Trump doesn’t drink…or apparently snort cocaine, which leads us with the last possible theory that he’s an immature, juvenile idiot with a major self esteem problem. Instead of texting a girl at 3:00 with “show me your boobs” he tweeted to his 12 million followers that the former Miss Universe was a horrible person who had made a sex tape, which nobody has found to exist.

He spent the rest of the week complaining about his debate microphone, claiming he won the debate because Breitbart said so, speculated on Bill Clinton’s sex life, Hillary’s health and openly mocked her for having pneumonia, and even made the claim that she’s been unfaithful to her husband. Newsweek published a story accusing Trump of violating the embargo against Cuba. On top of all that, several newspapers that normally go for Republicans refused to endorse him The man is on a roll.

A few days ago a reporter for The New York Times discovered copies of Trump’s 1995 tax returns sent anonymously from someone in the Trump organization. His employees must really love him.

Usually when the press prints something from anonymous sources the reporter knows who the source is. The Times decided to publish the Trump tax story despite not knowing the source, but after talking to several tax experts who suggested that the documents were in line with accounting permissible under the federal tax code in 1995. They also talked to the accountant who confirmed he had prepared the taxes.

Another aspect to the story is that a lawyer for Trump emailed a letter to the paper threatening “prompt initiation of appropriate legal action” if the newspaper published the private documents. They refused to confirm or deny the authenticity of the documents. That makes it a story on top of the fact Trump still refuses to release his tax returns to the public. He’s still claiming he’s under audit and can’t release them during the process, which is a fat, juicy, orange lie.

What really makes it a story is that Trump has tweeted in the past complaining about people who don’t pay taxes while the government is in debt and our infrastructure is in decline. Who knew Donald Trump was in the 47% of Mitt Romney’s description of lazy slackers who feel entitled to government benefits who never pay income taxes.

What the Times discovered was that Trump had declared a $916 million loss in 1995, wiping out any federal taxes that year and setting himself up to avoid 18 years of similar obligations. What a smart businessman. I guess the rest of us are stupid suckers. Well, those who intend to vote for The Donald are.

Trump claims he knows the tax system better than anyone else, since he’s so good at taking advantage of it and making the rest of us carry the burden of funding our nation, education, infrastructure funding, our military, etc, so naturally he’s the “only” one who can fix it. I’ve heard of former burglars becoming security experts but you wouldn’t normally hire the guy to guard your house who initially broke into it and stole your stereo and ceramic Elvises collection.

A few interesting details about the song “Taxman”: George Harrison wasn’t that prolific of a songwriter at the time he wrote the tune. He discovered The Beatles were shelling out 95% of their income in taxes. Though George was the lead guitar player Paul McCartney (who was the bass player) nailed the solo on the track. The song was the opening number on their 1966 album Revolver (my favorite Beatles’ album) and the only time George had the lead tune. I’m a Beatles geek.

In 2006 Ken Cuccinelli attempted to make “Taxman” the state song of Virginia. He was a senator at the time and went on to become Attorney General and waste state resources fighting Obamacare, abortion, the University of Virginia over Climate Change. His state-song effort failed in the state senate. Fortunately he later failed as the Republican party’s gubernatorial nominee.

Republicans need to keep their hands off songs by The Beatles. You don’t see Democrats co-opting “Cat Scratch Fever.” I’m mostly surprised they didn’t go for “Happiness Is A Warm Gun.”

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Show Me The Money…Or Not


cjones05192016

It was an interesting and busy news day for the Trump Train.

Donald Trump met with former Secretary of State Henry Kissinger to discuss foreign policy. I hope he didn’t fall asleep as this is an area where The Donald doesn’t have any interest.

He also said he would talk to North Korean leader Kim Jong Un directly face-t-face. I had a cartoon idea for that one where he and Kim get into a hair debate. I decided against it as I figured a lot of other cartoonists would go there. One cartoonist and a buddy of mine was inspired by my tweet (he told me so) that he went ahead and drew one. Maybe I had to point out that it was obvious.

Trump released a bunch of names of people he’d consider for the Supreme Court. Little premature, right? This is a move to show the base he is a conservative and not trying to put his liberal sister on the court as each pick is anti-women, anti-LGBT, anti-voting, anti-civil rights, etc. This might help with finally getting that Paul Ryan endorsement. Also, each one of these individuals is very white.

Trump’s wife Melania issued a statement that Donald is not Hitler. Really? The best defense of the guy, from his wife, is that he’s NOT Hitler? Gee, it sucks being married to this person but hey, they’re not Hitler. They should put that underneath the slogan on the cap. “Make America Great Again. Also, not Hitler.”

Since none of this news was creepy enough, Trump’s daughter Ivanka spoke to the press and assures us that her dad is “not a groper.” This from the woman whose father said he’d be dating her if she wasn’t his daughter. Seriously? Your kid is talking about your sex life? It seems if you were a groper that you wouldn’t conduct yourself that way around your child. Hey, he’s gotta respect women because he made his daughter head of his company.

Finally we come to Trump’s taxes. The guy still won’t release them. He says he can’t because he’s being audited. Yes he can. The audit doesn’t stop that. He released a financial report to show us that yes, he really is rich. That doesn’t show how he made his money, where his money comes from, who he’s in bed with, or how much he gives to taxes.

Trump’s surrogates who are not sleeping with him, that means they’re not his wife or daughter (glad they’re not the same person so he has that going for him), tell us how much the Trump charity gives to worthy causes. The thing is, that’s not Trump’s money. That’s other people’s money.

If you look into Trump’s business history he has a habit of having other people finance his projects and then they go belly up. Now he’s asking people to contribute to his campaign. I’m sure that’ll be as successful as one of his Atlantic City casinos. More of a gamble too.

To sum up: Trump. Still rich. Wants to pal with Kim Jong Un and compliment him on shooting family members. Very conservative. Being advised by Kissinger. Not a gropey Hitler.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!