Spicy

That’s A Spicy History Lesson

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Even I’m starting to feel a little sorry for Sean Spicer. You know you had a bad day when there’s a Twitter hashtag that’s a combination of your name and “Hitler.”

Why else would I feel bad for Spicer? First off, Spicer has to face 200 reporters on a daily basis and explain policies for an administration that doesn’t have any policies, or that changes them on a daily basis. He has to lie, make up a lot of crap, and argue stupid positions like crowd sizes. Then there’s the fact he’s speaking to an audience of one.

But the biggest reason I feel sorry for Spicer is that he’s just not good at his job. The man can’t get names straight or enunciate. Everyone fudges something up while speaking, me especially, but speaking well is kinda important if your official title is “spokesperson.” So you need to learn to speak well, or in Sean’s case, talk good.

From “Malcolm Trumble” to “Joe Trudeau” or referring to Bashar al-Assad as “Asher” or “Ashad” or “Alashar” or “Alaseer,” Spicy mumbles names. It’s so bad that the Sydney Morning Herald has created a “Spicer-ize name generator.”  Mine would be “Claypole Jonesy.” But seriously, Sydney is in Australia (in case you’re a Trump voter and didn’t know that). We’ve sunk so low that the Australians are cracking on us (That dig was for you, Joe)?

He’s called the Presidential Daily Briefing the “PBD.” Get your acronym’s right, buddy. At least he didn’t refer to them as “PBJs.” When speaking of the terrorist attack in Orlando, he confused it with Atlanta. But yesterday may be his worst one yet when he referred to Hitler’s gas chambers as “Holocaust Centers.”

What the hell? Hitler used gas chambers to execute millions of Jews. They were not “Holocaust Centers.” That sounds like a place you’d go to get your Holocaust license.

And of course an even bigger mistake was defending Hitler, and not just on any normal bad day for defending Hitler. Spicy defended Hitler during Passover.

Spicer was trying to describe how bad al-Assad is for using chemical weapons on his own people by saying it was something Hitler didn’t do. Except Hitler did exactly that and by the millions. Spicer tried to backtrack and say Hitler didn’t drop bombs on his own population…but yeah. That doesn’t make it better. And there were German Jews who were victims of the Holocaust, Spicy. You know, German Jews…Jews from Germany…where Hitler was chancellor….which is the leader of Germany….so German Jews were his people. Hello? Is this thing on?

Here’s the thing: Don’t use Hitler equations! Especially if you’re in the Trump administration where you have alt-righties on staff and a president who retweets Nazis. Just don’t do it. Oh, and here’s another thing Hitler did: He coordinated with the Russians before he betrayed them. At least Trump was nice enough to call them and let them know what time and where the bombs would drop. Poland never got that courtesy.

Spicer did man up and apologize for his “no gassing” and “Holocaust Centers” comments. He sent out a statement attempting to explain his mouth tragedy. Actually, he sent out four. He couldn’t land the apology. He then went on several news shows to explain and Wolf Blitzer actually asked him if he was aware that Hitler killed Jews in the Holocaust.

The people who live with me probably think I’m laughing while watching The Simpsons, not CNN. Get some Trump people on the news and that shit’s just hilarious.

Creative note: I originally tweeted the “little tiny mustache” statement. It got such a response that I regretted tweeting it and wished I had saved it for a cartoon. Often when I tweet out a smart-ass comment someone will use it for a cartoon or a meme. So all cartoon ideas I keep to myself until the cartoon is published. Today I thought “eh, screw it.” So if you see anyone else use this, they’re a bloody thief. Do me a solid and go kick them in the goober. Thanks.

Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. Your support contributes to my work and continued existence. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Want a signed copy of this cartoon? Donate at least $50 and I’ll ship it to you. Make sure to mention in the note with your donation which cartoon you want along with the mailing address you need it shipped to. If it’s a gift, make sure to mention the recipient’s name so I can make it out to them.

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Cooties And Nepotism

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It’s not just monarchs who appoint family members to government positions. Rogue nations and fascist governments do it too. Take a look at North Korea. Except there your cousin’s job performance evaluation might get you a firing squad.

Now I doubt any Trump family members will face firing squads. Maybe an ex-wife. But this business of doling out posts to his kids is insanity. It’s ridiculous for a world leader to visit the White House and be forced to sit between Donald and his little princess.

I know it’s probably fun to go all Violet Beauregarde and get whatever you want. Daddy, I want a pony. Daddy, I want a chocolate factory. Daddy, I want an Oompa Loompa. Well, Ivanka, you already have an Oompa Loompa so you don’t need an office next to the oval one.

Ivanka and her husband and White House senior adviser, Jared (who owns one of my client newspapers), are worth at least $740 million. Neither has separated themselves from their businesses, like Donald. They’re not escaping conflicts of interest. I’m not comfortable with just trusting them.

I would like for the people in the White House to be there because they’re qualified, not because they’re related or married into it. But then again, I can’t think of anyone currently working in the White House who is qualified to be there.

Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. Your support contributes to my work and continued existence. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Want a signed copy of this cartoon? Donate at least $50 and I’ll ship it to you. Make sure to mention in the note with your donation which cartoon you want along with the mailing address you need it shipped to. If it’s a gift, make sure to mention the recipient’s name so I can make it out to them.

Shaking With Spicy

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A lot of journalists have pity and sympathy for White House Spokesman Sean Spicer. He has to be confronted by the national press corps on a daily basis and defend lies and crazy crap.

Sure. You can have some sympathy for people who work for Donald Trump. You’re surrounded by a lot of creepy people. But it’s probably not so much of a problem if you’re a creeper yourself. No one with any personal ethics or morals would be willing to work for Donald Trump.

I don’t have any sympathy for Spicer. Nobody is forcing him to give up his dignity for this horse shit. His very first press conference only covered the size of the inauguration, and the entire ordeal was lie after lie. It was a litany of bullshit. That’s all we’ve had ever since.

When asked who cleared Congressman Devin Nunes (chairman of the committee investigating Trump’s connections with Russia) to enter the White House, Spicer acted as if he was totally ignorant on the procedure for entering the White House. He gave this performance from inside the White House. It’s not like just anyone without any good reason can walk into the…oh never mind. I’ve forgotten about the knuckleheads who are there presently.

During Tuesday’s presser Sean Spicer denied that the White House sought to block former-acting attorney general Sally Yates from testifying before Nunes’ committee. This despite The Washington Post having the letters that proved the Trump administration did indeed seek to block her from testifying (this is why you need to subscribe to a real newspaper, people).

During the press conference Spicer lost his cool and went after American Urban Radio Networks reporter April Ryan. He disagreed with her assessment that Trump has a Russia problem. He said they didn’t, and that the press “has the Russia problem” and during this exchange, he told Ryan to stop shaking her head.

First off, you do have a Russia problem. An FBI, Congressional, and Senate investigations says so. Plus, everyone in your administration has some weird tie to Russian diplomats, ambassadors, oligarchs, and gangsters. Second, how dare you talk down to an adult working in a professional capacity like that. This is the White House press room, not kindergarten. It’s not her job to pander to you.

Some compared Spicer’s treatment of Ryan, who is black, to the ludicrous racist crap Fox News talking head Bill O’Reilly did the other day. While airing footage of Representative Maxine Waters he compared her hair to a James Brown wig. His defense that it wasn’t racist is that he likes James Brown. Also, according to conservative logic you’re not a racist if your jam is “When Doves Cry.” All that racist crap makes conservatives feel good.

Unlike O’Reilly, Spicer wasn’t being racist. He was simply being a dick. He’s treated everyone in the press corps like that except for correspondents for outlets like Breitbart.

Another great line that came out of the presser was when Spicer said “If the president puts Russian salad dressing on his salad tonight, somehow that’s a Russian connection.” I seriously doubt the president eats salads.

Hey look. I made it through a post about Sean Spicer without referencing The Thompson Twins’ “Lies, Lies, Lies, Yeah.” Oh crap.

Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. Your support contributes to my work and continued existence. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Want a signed copy of this cartoon? Donate at least $50 and I’ll ship it to you. Make sure to mention in the note with your donation which cartoon you want along with the mailing address you need it shipped to. If it’s a gift, make sure to mention the recipient’s name so I can make it out to them.