Spicer

Spicy Emmys


cjones09212017

Even though every Trump sycophant scumbag will be replaced by another Trump sycophant scumbag after they’re fired, I still want them fired. It will be an endless cycle of firing and hiring scumbags. Sean Spicer, Steve Bannon, Anthony Scaramucci, Michael Flynn, Stephen Miller, etc. have all been fired and replaced with brand new scumbags. Eventually, every scumbag who is currently on the Trump payroll will be fired and replaced with a new scumbag. Even Jared and Ivanka will be fired at some point and will be replaced by new scumbags.

If nothing else, this constant mayhem and chaos in the White House will obstruct Donald Trump from screwing up the nation. The one thing I don’t want for the newly unemployed scumbags is to normalize the behavior they engaged in while they were taxpayer-funded scumbags.

Sean Spicer’s very first press briefing consisted of nothing except petty lies about Trump’s inauguration crowd size. Other than Trump having a very tiny penis, why was this the most important issue on the very first day of the Trump administration?

On Sunday night at the Emmy awards, Spicy made a cameo to engage in a little self-deprecating humor where he joked about how the Emmy crowd size would be the largest in Emmy history (which is probably more important than any crowd Trump has generated). The audience was totally surprised when Stephen Colbert brought him out, and mouths were hanging wide open.

Afterward, he got to hang out with the beautiful elite people, shake hands, share jokes, and pose for photographs. On Monday morning, he told The New York Times he regretted that first press briefing and for criticizing the media over their accurate reporting over the crowd size. Well golly gee whiz, we’re all good now. Let’s have him over to the party, have some punch, exchange phone numbers, make a lunch date, let him pet the dog.

No. Let’s not.

Last week, Spicer went on Jimmy Kimmel’s show. Kimmel provided a forum for Donald Trump to look like a human being where Jimmy got to mess up his hair days before the election. He allowed the same for Spicer (the normalizing…not the hair thing). Spicer didn’t apologize and explain himself during his chit-chat with Jimmy. He also talked about how much it bothered him that his integrity was questioned. Really? You lie to the American people and denigrate our greatest freedom and you wonder why your integrity was questioned. I’m not questioning Sean Spicer’s integrity. That’s because he doesn’t have any.

Spicer’s “integrity” didn’t prevent him from lying about stuff he knew wasn’t true, and then scold those who were pointing out the truth.

Sean Spicer didn’t just lie about crowd sizes. He lied about blocking Muslims from entering this nation. He supported Trump’s lie about Obama wiretapping Trump Tower. He lied about “millions of illegals” voting. He lied about the Russians meeting at Trump Tower and how it was all about adoptions. He even lied about Hitler. The Hitler lie was the only one he had apologized for.

During this six-month-long bullshitpalooza, Spicer berated the press. He called them “fake news.” He told a female reporter to stop “shaking her head” while he was lying. He supported Trump’s campaign against American journalism and his description of journalists as “enemies of the American people.”

Sean Spicer is complicit, and he brought his own degrading style to the shit-show that is the Trump administration. Just because he’s been kicked out of that party isn’t a good reason to invite to your party.

Shame on Hollywood for normalizing this shit. Shame on the talk show hosts who spent months helping explain just how abnormal this corrupt train wreck is, to suddenly turn around and normalize it. Shame on Jimmy Kimmel for having Spicer on his show and for being so gentle with him. Shame on Seth Myers for palling around with Spicer at the Emmys and doing the photo-op thing. And most of all, shame on Stephen Colbert for including Spicer in his Emmy routine. A couple of these comedians are people who I enjoy watching, and I will again in the future, but I’m not going to forget what they did Sunday night.

Sure, it’s cute to see Spicer downgraded to impersonating Melissa McCarthy’s impersonation of him. The big difference is, McCarthy’s performance is funny and was an impersonation more genuine than Sean Spicer’s press briefings. What isn’t cute is Hollywood elites normalizing Sean Spicer’s normalizing of this entire Trump disaster. Donald Trump doesn’t respect this nation or the freedom our Constitution guarantees. Sean Spicer is complicit with this. Those who were critics of this don’t need to be complicit too.

Correction: I was just alerted that it was Jimmy FALLON who messed up Trump’s hair, not Jimmy Kimmel. Are we sure they’re not the same Jimmy?

Another update: Stephen Miller has NOT left the administration. I was thinking of Sebastian Gorka. Are were sure they’re not the same Nazi?

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

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But We Do Have Whoppers


cjones07242017

With the resignation of Sean Spicer as White House Press Secretary comes great sadness. First, I’m really sad I won’t have as many (if any) opportunities to draw him in the future. I was having fun making fun of the absurd stuff this guy said. It was also a challenge to make something more absurd than the Spicy reality. This shit ain’t easy.

Second, I’m sad for all of us as we won’t have Melissa McCarthy’s impersonation of Spicer on Saturday Night Live anymore. That’s truly depressing.

I do wonder how people like Spicer, Kellyanne Conway, and even someone who previously had a respectable reputation, like H.R. McMaster will find credibility or employment in the future.

Donald Trump took a break from obsessing over Hillary Clinton and plotting how he’ll obstruct Robert Mueller’s investigation to shove Spicer aside for Anthony Scaramucci, who was hired as Communications Director. Spicer’s deputy, Sarah Huckabee Sanders will take over his job.

Spicer had spent the past six months degrading and humiliating himself for Trumpism. His very first press briefing was all about fictional crowd sizes which left journalists and everyone with a working brain in shock. Was this how the new administration would conduct itself? Would we now have a White House that pushed aside the nation’s business to focus on the president’s fragile ego which needs to be propped up by total utter bullshit? Yep!

Things got worse for Spicer as he scored spectacular ratings while becoming a national laughingstock. He claimed that Hitler never gassed his own people. He once excluded CNN, The New York Times, the Los Angeles Times, Politico, and Buzzfeed from a press gaggle. He would often start briefings by calling on conservative “news” sources over actual news sources. He had a fondness for using props as if they would make ridiculous statements, actions, and claims reasonable. He once mentioned a terrorist attack in Atlanta that never happened. He accused Buzzfeed of attacking Jesus Christ. He used the White House podium to attack Nordstrom for dropping Ivanka’s clothing line. There was the time he told reporter April Ryan to stop shaking her head as he was citing bogus information. Finally, there was the time he hid from reporters in the bushes. For me, it was really hard to top cartoonish behavior with cartoons.

A few people feel bad for Spicer as he would humiliate himself and often was conducting the briefings for one viewer, the president. Trump would force Spicer to lie and back up dubious claims, and then would contradict his Press Secretary’s statements the next day. But Spicer chose to work for a narcissistic ass-clown. He chose to peddle crap and nonsense.

Trump was reportedly unhappy with Spicer, insulted his clothing, turned the cameras off for the briefings, and thought it reflected poorly on Spicer that SNL had a woman portray him. The biggest insult came during a foreign trip when Trump sent Spicer back to the states early which prevented the devout Catholic from meeting the Pope. By the way, Sean, the Bible is against lying.

Hiring Scaramucci was apparently the one indignity Spicer refused to take. The move was a statement that Trump had little use for Spicer and the move came as a complete surprise.

Trump denies he ever asked James Comey for his loyalty, but it’s something he does keep expecting from people. He’s made crowds swear a loyalty pledge to him, he’s whined about disloyal Republicans, and conducted a cabinet meeting where every member lavished praise on the president. He thinks the Attorney General should be loyal to the president before the nation. Scaramucci started his first day pledging loyalty and “love” to Trump. People who are loyal to Trump need to pay attention to how he returns it.

Spicer was loyal to Trump. Sessions and Chris Christie have been loyal to Trump as well. Trump has shown when he’s done with people that he’s very comfortable discarding them.

Donald Trump betrays those who are loyal to him. He expects it, but he doesn’t return it. In time, he will betray every Trump sycophant who voted for him and still believes he’s making America great again.

When Trump betrays you and leaves you out in the cold, or the bushes, I’ll give you the same treatment I’m giving Sean. I’ll draw a cartoon about you.

Remember, just like Sean, you chose to humiliate and degrade yourself.

Creative note: Two days later and I realize that I forgot to sign this cartoon.

I want to thank everyone who has donated in the past. Your support helps me continue creating cartoons and columns with a little less stress in my life. Between competing syndicates with much larger resources, timid editors, and Trump supporters who attempt to intimidate the editors who do publish anything that criticizes their idol, it’s a challenge to make a career out of this. So your support (if you can) is appreciated. Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing (pissing off conservatives)? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through PayPal. Every $40 donation will receive a signed print. All donations will receive my eternal gratitude.

That’s A Spicy History Lesson


cjones04152017

Even I’m starting to feel a little sorry for Sean Spicer. You know you had a bad day when there’s a Twitter hashtag that’s a combination of your name and “Hitler.”

Why else would I feel bad for Spicer? First off, Spicer has to face 200 reporters on a daily basis and explain policies for an administration that doesn’t have any policies, or that changes them on a daily basis. He has to lie, make up a lot of crap, and argue stupid positions like crowd sizes. Then there’s the fact he’s speaking to an audience of one.

But the biggest reason I feel sorry for Spicer is that he’s just not good at his job. The man can’t get names straight or enunciate. Everyone fudges something up while speaking, me especially, but speaking well is kinda important if your official title is “spokesperson.” So you need to learn to speak well, or in Sean’s case, talk good.

From “Malcolm Trumble” to “Joe Trudeau” or referring to Bashar al-Assad as “Asher” or “Ashad” or “Alashar” or “Alaseer,” Spicy mumbles names. It’s so bad that the Sydney Morning Herald has created a “Spicer-ize name generator.”  Mine would be “Claypole Jonesy.” But seriously, Sydney is in Australia (in case you’re a Trump voter and didn’t know that). We’ve sunk so low that the Australians are cracking on us (That dig was for you, Joe)?

He’s called the Presidential Daily Briefing the “PBD.” Get your acronym’s right, buddy. At least he didn’t refer to them as “PBJs.” When speaking of the terrorist attack in Orlando, he confused it with Atlanta. But yesterday may be his worst one yet when he referred to Hitler’s gas chambers as “Holocaust Centers.”

What the hell? Hitler used gas chambers to execute millions of Jews. They were not “Holocaust Centers.” That sounds like a place you’d go to get your Holocaust license.

And of course an even bigger mistake was defending Hitler, and not just on any normal bad day for defending Hitler. Spicy defended Hitler during Passover.

Spicer was trying to describe how bad al-Assad is for using chemical weapons on his own people by saying it was something Hitler didn’t do. Except Hitler did exactly that and by the millions. Spicer tried to backtrack and say Hitler didn’t drop bombs on his own population…but yeah. That doesn’t make it better. And there were German Jews who were victims of the Holocaust, Spicy. You know, German Jews…Jews from Germany…where Hitler was chancellor….which is the leader of Germany….so German Jews were his people. Hello? Is this thing on?

Here’s the thing: Don’t use Hitler equations! Especially if you’re in the Trump administration where you have alt-righties on staff and a president who retweets Nazis. Just don’t do it. Oh, and here’s another thing Hitler did: He coordinated with the Russians before he betrayed them. At least Trump was nice enough to call them and let them know what time and where the bombs would drop. Poland never got that courtesy.

Spicer did man up and apologize for his “no gassing” and “Holocaust Centers” comments. He sent out a statement attempting to explain his mouth tragedy. Actually, he sent out four. He couldn’t land the apology. He then went on several news shows to explain and Wolf Blitzer actually asked him if he was aware that Hitler killed Jews in the Holocaust.

The people who live with me probably think I’m laughing while watching The Simpsons, not CNN. Get some Trump people on the news and that shit’s just hilarious.

Creative note: I originally tweeted the “little tiny mustache” statement. It got such a response that I regretted tweeting it and wished I had saved it for a cartoon. Often when I tweet out a smart-ass comment someone will use it for a cartoon or a meme. So all cartoon ideas I keep to myself until the cartoon is published. Today I thought “eh, screw it.” So if you see anyone else use this, they’re a bloody thief. Do me a solid and go kick them in the goober. Thanks.

Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. Your support contributes to my work and continued existence. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Want a signed copy of this cartoon? Donate at least $50 and I’ll ship it to you. Make sure to mention in the note with your donation which cartoon you want along with the mailing address you need it shipped to. If it’s a gift, make sure to mention the recipient’s name so I can make it out to them.

Shaking With Spicy


cjones03312017

A lot of journalists have pity and sympathy for White House Spokesman Sean Spicer. He has to be confronted by the national press corps on a daily basis and defend lies and crazy crap.

Sure. You can have some sympathy for people who work for Donald Trump. You’re surrounded by a lot of creepy people. But it’s probably not so much of a problem if you’re a creeper yourself. No one with any personal ethics or morals would be willing to work for Donald Trump.

I don’t have any sympathy for Spicer. Nobody is forcing him to give up his dignity for this horse shit. His very first press conference only covered the size of the inauguration, and the entire ordeal was lie after lie. It was a litany of bullshit. That’s all we’ve had ever since.

When asked who cleared Congressman Devin Nunes (chairman of the committee investigating Trump’s connections with Russia) to enter the White House, Spicer acted as if he was totally ignorant on the procedure for entering the White House. He gave this performance from inside the White House. It’s not like just anyone without any good reason can walk into the…oh never mind. I’ve forgotten about the knuckleheads who are there presently.

During Tuesday’s presser Sean Spicer denied that the White House sought to block former-acting attorney general Sally Yates from testifying before Nunes’ committee. This despite The Washington Post having the letters that proved the Trump administration did indeed seek to block her from testifying (this is why you need to subscribe to a real newspaper, people).

During the press conference Spicer lost his cool and went after American Urban Radio Networks reporter April Ryan. He disagreed with her assessment that Trump has a Russia problem. He said they didn’t, and that the press “has the Russia problem” and during this exchange, he told Ryan to stop shaking her head.

First off, you do have a Russia problem. An FBI, Congressional, and Senate investigations says so. Plus, everyone in your administration has some weird tie to Russian diplomats, ambassadors, oligarchs, and gangsters. Second, how dare you talk down to an adult working in a professional capacity like that. This is the White House press room, not kindergarten. It’s not her job to pander to you.

Some compared Spicer’s treatment of Ryan, who is black, to the ludicrous racist crap Fox News talking head Bill O’Reilly did the other day. While airing footage of Representative Maxine Waters he compared her hair to a James Brown wig. His defense that it wasn’t racist is that he likes James Brown. Also, according to conservative logic you’re not a racist if your jam is “When Doves Cry.” All that racist crap makes conservatives feel good.

Unlike O’Reilly, Spicer wasn’t being racist. He was simply being a dick. He’s treated everyone in the press corps like that except for correspondents for outlets like Breitbart.

Another great line that came out of the presser was when Spicer said “If the president puts Russian salad dressing on his salad tonight, somehow that’s a Russian connection.” I seriously doubt the president eats salads.

Hey look. I made it through a post about Sean Spicer without referencing The Thompson Twins’ “Lies, Lies, Lies, Yeah.” Oh crap.

Want to help me continue to create cartoons and keep doing what I’m doing? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. Your support contributes to my work and continued existence. The starving cartoonist appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

Want a signed copy of this cartoon? Donate at least $50 and I’ll ship it to you. Make sure to mention in the note with your donation which cartoon you want along with the mailing address you need it shipped to. If it’s a gift, make sure to mention the recipient’s name so I can make it out to them.