South Carolina

Darling Nikki


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I have one newspaper client in South Carolina. When they read the first panel of this cartoon they’ll probably think “hey, alright. He did something on our governor” and then they’ll hit the next panel and say “oh god no.”

Sometimes I like to tease my readers on social media on what my next cartoon will contain. Today I teased that it would contain nudity. Normally when I say something like that you can expect something disgusting with Donald Trump, Newt Gingrich, or Chris Christie. Sometimes I draw stuff you can’t unsee. I’m a stinker.

But today I promised my followers nudity and now I’m delivering. None of my newspapers may run it, but hey look! Naked lady! Booty! My online clients will run it. They’re freaks. I normally save these type of things for a weekend cartoon.

The statement in the first paragraph was delivered by South Carolina Governor Nikki Haley as part of her response to the State of the Union delivered by the president. A lot of Republicans were very unhappy with it. Nikki was standing her ground. She endorsed Ted Cruz, then Marco Rubio and wasn’t having any of Trump’s hatred. She was resisting his “siren call of hatred.”

And then the Republican convention rolled around, Nikki was out of Cubans, and she fell in line faster than Mitt Romney in a chocolate milk line. And yeah…faster than Mitt. According to some sources the Trump team wants him to apologize to the president-elect publicly. Just eviscerate himself in front of the entire world and then he can be Secretary of State. It doesn’t cost much. Just your soul and integrity. If they don’t like the taste of Trump’s butt in their mouth they can borrow some mouthwash from Chris Christie. He’s buying it wholesale.

You often see politicians join the team of a candidate they criticized in the primaries. That’s politics. George H.W. Bush referred to Reagan’s economic plan as “Voodoo Economics” and then he became his running mate and eventually vice president and advocated Voodoo Economics for eight years. But nobody faced as much repulsion and backlash as Trump and now all those people, the ones with morals and convictions, are no more ethical than a corner prostitute hanging outside Trump Tower.

“Darling Nikki” is a song from Prince and it was on the “Purple Rain” soundtrack. It’s nasty. It is oh so nasty. It is one of the few songs from that album that wasn’t played on the radio, as the rest of that soundtrack was all over the radio when it came out. You couldn’t escape it. They played those songs almost as often as they did when Prince died.

Years later the Foo Fighters covered it as a b-side (that’s normally a song an artist records and they don’t put it on their album but they place it as candy on the flip side of a single). A few years later Prince performed in the Super Bowl and covered a segment of the Foo’s “Best Of You.” Prince was well known as being very protective of his songs. If you don’t believe me try to find one on YouTube right now that’s not an official video. Weird Al never did get to parody any Prince music. Many people felt Prince’s covering of the Foo’s tune was a dig back at them but I don’t think so. You don’t insult someone by covering their song at the Super Bowl Halftime Show. I think Prince was saying thank you.

And yes, Darling Nikki is nasty.

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Good Bye, Jeb


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I spent Saturday knowing Jeb Bush would drop out of the campaign later in the evening and I was still considering taking the night off. I thought about putting a Jeb cartoon off until Sunday (published Monday morning). What happened was I ended up drawing two cartoons.

I had an idea I was OK with and I was almost done drawing when I got another idea. An idea I liked better. So I scrapped the cartoon I was drawing and started all over again…around 3:00 AM. I liked the second idea better because it included half the reason Jeb Bush failed. That reason is Donald Trump. The second reason is Jeb Bush. He’s boring and nobody wants another Bush presidency except for people with the last name “Bush.”

Jeb is a nice guy. I think he is. But he’s that nice guy where you leave the conversation early swearing your phone rang and he didn’t hear it because it was on vibrate. Jeb is boring. His brother, for being a nation destroying idiot, is not boring. His father, well he rode on Reagan’s coattails.

The question now isn’t so much as who do his future voters go to, but where does his money go? It goes to Rubio. Yeah, John Kasich is the other chief executive establishment guy, but the primary and delegate map doesn’t work out for him. Rubio is the establishment guy who’s actually placed at least third (maybe 2nd in South Carolina). Jeb’s donors will now flock to Marco. I’m sure he’ll enjoy looking up to them.

This is now a three-man race. Trump is the man for the stupid angry people. Cruz is the guy for the ultra-right wing, crazy religious zealots who want a theocracy. Rubio is for the establishment folks who like the way he talks. Kasich is out of the loop and Ben Carson is Dr. Delusional for even hanging around this long.

With Bush gone the person who will miss him most will be Donald Trump. Now who is he going to call “low energy?” Trump is going to miss Jeb like I miss drawing W. Jeb, you didn’t give me much of a chance.

And that other cartoon I started drawing? Come back for an update. I plan to finish it and share with the world and I’ll offer it to my clients who are afraid  of”shut the bleep up.” It won’t be on GoComics.

Update: Here’s the first cartoon. Maybe you’ll like it better than the plane cartoon. I don’t but I did enjoy drawing the Georges.

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Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

W’s Bigger Little Brother


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When George W. Bush strode across that flight deck 30 miles off the San Diego coast, wearing a flight suit and boasting “mission accomplished,” it might have been the most obnoxious photo op in political history.

Now Republicans are arguing over how W. kept us safe, and did a good job fighting back after terrorists killed thousands of us. I don’t understand how you talk so much about a terrorist attack which killed thousands of Americans in the same context as “keeping us safe.” After 9/11 Bush destabilized the Middle East, created myths to start a war which killed over a hundred thousand people, killed and injured thousands of Americans and oh yeah…created ISIS. But hey, he kept us safe. And Republicans in South Carolina boo when you bring this up. How dare you talk about facts. How dare your party be so ridiculous that the only one of you who can be somewhat honest about it is Donald Freaking Trump.

The Republicans love to talk about who’s qualified for president. If you think George W. Bush did a good job regarding 9/11 and Iraq then you are not qualified to be president.

Now W. is back trying to help Jeb’s campaign in South Carolina, where he’s currently running fourth. What’s scary is that W. sounds like the smart one.

I watched his speech the other day and it reminded me of the time during his administration when if you questioned him, then your patriotism was questioned. If you weren’t with us you were against us. It was a time that intellect, sophistication, and critical thinking was regarded as a weakness. Mediocrity, stupidity and empty boastful rhetoric was hailed and praised as leadership. Oh, that’s right. We’re still doing that.

Yes, W. was the smart one. Looking at the entire field of Republican candidates, he’s still the smart one. Be afraid. Be very afraid.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

 

Ted Cruz’s Erotic Office Space


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Today’s blog should only be read by mature audiences (sorry, Republicans), after 10:00 PM and only after you put the kids to bed.

Ted Cruz is hiring porn stars. That’s what I expect future robocalls aimed at Republican voters in South Carolina to start claiming. That’ll be a hoot.

Ted Cruz and Porn are two things one does not want to think about together. Now you’re gonna have nightmares. Just picture that face getting freaky. You know you want to. Freak.

Anyway, the Cruz campaign aired an ad about Marco Rubio and how you shouldn’t just vote for a “pretty face.” They weren’t talking about Ted in regards to the pretty face thing. The actress who reads the line has been in softcore adult films. Softcore is where the actors don’t actually have sex. They just get naked and simulate along with ridiculous plot lines and bad acting. I wouldn’t know this from personal viewings. Someone told me.

After finding out about the actress’s scandalous past they canned the commercial. Nobody has questioned why Ted Cruz is fixated on Marco Rubio being pretty. The only thing that would make this better would if the actor had a past in gay porn…or had been a horse….in gay porn. That, by the way, was the concept of my original cartoon idea but I do work for mostly family newspapers. I freak them out enough without drawing some Ted Cruz gay horse porno cartoon.

News outlets ran the headline on their tickers “porn actress tweets disappointment with Ted Cruz.” That’s not who you want tweeting disappointment with you. You just imagine Ted swearing it doesn’t happen all the time, he had a bad day and he’s been under a lot of stress, etc. Or maybe Ted is a grower and not a shower.

This cartoon might only make sense to those who watch a lot of news like I do. The Cruz campaign is also running an anti-Clinton commercial and it’s a parody of the film Office Space. It’s actually a brilliant ad that mimics the movie scene really well. In the film, the fired employees destroy a printer that had been the bane of their existence to the tune of “it’s good to be a gangster.” In the Cruz commercial, Hillary and associates are destroying a server to the tune of “it’s good to be a Clinton.” There could also be a parody of the same song for Cruz titled “it’s good to be a slimeball (told everyone Carson has withdrawn y’all).”

The only problems with the commercial, which pundits pointed out, is that it’s a cult movie and most people may not be familiar with it (despite everyone I know being able to quote it), and younger voters, or really older voters, won’t be familiar with the 90s film. That alone really makes me feel sad and old.

Did you like this cartoon? Want to help a cartoonist make a living? Look to the right of this page and make a donation through Paypal. I need to buy pens, paper, sandwiches, and dog food. The starving cartoonist and his Beagle appreciates it. If you’ve donated in the past, THANK YOU!!!

 

Slamming The Public’s Trust


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While President Obama was speaking to the International Association of Chiefs of Police in Chicago on Tuesday, one sheriff who attended the event had to fly home early to deal with a police brutality situation.

Richland County Sheriff Leon Lott, in Columbia, South Carolina, had a situation where one of his officers slammed a 16-year-old student to the floor in a classroom.

Apparently the girl refused to stop using her phone and turn it over to her teacher and leave the class as she was instructed. An officer, who works at the school, came to the class and when she refused to comply she grabbed her, flipped her over, slammed her to the ground and then dragged her across the room. He arrested her and another student who protested the way he was treating the girl.

This was all caught on video. Three actually. In one, the sheriff pointed out that the girl hit the deputy. I saw the same video. It appears she swings while she’s going sideways in mid flip. Unless the girl has some secret ninja skills we’re unaware of then I don’t think she could have implemented a strategy to actually hurt the officer. Her “punch” which looked like a wild flail, was probably inadvertent and it seemed it barely touched the officer.

What bothers me in addition to the police brutality is the defense of the officer. It amazes me that people are saying if the girl had acted properly then the cop wouldn’t have had to abuse her. They also say we don’t have all the information.

What I find interesting about the cop defenders is that they want us to be patient for more details on the situation before we judge the cop, but they don’t need more information to judge the student. They take it on blind faith that she deserved a hard slam to the floor.

The officer is suspended and by the time you read this he may be a former cop. There’s an investigation and the sheriff promises to have a decision on Wednesday. He’s also asked the FBI to investigate, which is good as that will be independent of the local police department. The Justice Department wants a piece of the action too.

The cop should be arrested. He assaulted a child. Her non-threatening behavior did not warrant the officer’s reaction. I predict he will be fired and the department will be sued and they will settle out of court. The officer may be sued also and I still think he should face charges.

In addition to all this the student is black. Would the reaction be different if the girl was white? Yes. More white people would be upset, especially if the officer was black…or if it was a black teacher. Yeah, I said it. But, I honestly don’t know if there was a racial component to this. The officer, Ben Fields, is currently facing a charge accusing him of “recklessly targeting African-American students with allegations of gang membership and criminal gang activity.” He previously won another case where he was sued for excessive force.

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Ditching The Flag


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The first response that Nikki Haley, governor of South Carolina, should have had after the massacre at Emanuel AME Church should have been to call for removing the Confederate Battle flag from the grounds of the state capitol. Haley and several GOP candidates for president spent a few days defending the flag or trying to avoid the issue.

On Monday Haley called for the flag to come down. Several Republicans have followed suit and in Mississippi a Republican in the legislature is calling for that state to remove the emblem from their state flag.
As Haley called for bringing the flag down she talked about understanding how many view the flag with pride, as a symbol of heritage and history. Of course she had to say that. That’s South Carolina. They once threw out a Republican governor for calling for the removal of the flag.
Will removing the flag stop racists from being racists? No but will stop governments from aligning themselves with racist movements, thus appearing to endorse them.
With the flag on top of the state capitol and then on the grounds, South Carolina was giving the finger to every black citizen of their state. They say there’s two ways to look at the flag and they were only respecting the one. The one that offended. For decades they ignored that the state house also belonged to the minority population in the state. That’s some serious racism.
A lot of people use the tired defense of the flag that it’s history, heritage, honoring those who fought for the South. I’m going to try to put this in a way those defenders can understand: It doesn’t matter what you think.
Why doesn’t it matter what you think? Because you are using lies and reinterpretations of history to base your argument.
The flag didn’t have anything to do with South Carolina (or Mississippi, or Georgia) during the Civil War. The present one on the grounds of the state capitol was the battle flag for the Army Of Tennessee. The one that was on their dome was the battle flag for the Army Of Northern Virginia.

It was adopted by the Ku Klux Klan when it formed in Tennessee. In 1862 the flag was put on top of the Capitol dome in South Carolina to rebel against the Civil Rights movement and desegregation. Nice.
Here’s another factoid for you: The Civil War was fought by the South to preserve slavery. South Carolina was the first state to attack the north (Southerners love to talk about northern aggression. That’s like saying Poland was aggressive to Nazis). South Carolina was the first to secede and in their statement of secession there is heavy mention that the reasoning was because the north elected a president “hostile” to slavery. The war was about slavery. End of discussion.
That flag is not your heritage unless you had a relative in the Army of Northern Virginia or Army Of Tennessee. Hang it in your yard or fly it from your mobile home. That’s fine. Do what you want on your private property. The only other way the flag is your heritage is if your ancestors were members of the KKK.
The Confederacy had a very short life. For Southerners wanting to be proud of their heritage why do they only cling to four years of it? The Nazis and the Swastika flew over Germany much longer and you don’t see that nation clinging to that as their heritage.
The Confederate flag represents hate, segregation and hate. Unless you’re for those, put the flag away.
The other thing is, why are you proud of being a traitor?
I’d like to congratulate the GOP on joining the 21st century, some what. Where ya’ been?
Here’s the rough.
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